For couples who are currently in the lifestyle, they will probably all nod their heads in agreement about this statement: Women are in charge in the lifestyle, period. Sure, there are exceptions to every rule, but it is extremely rare to see the opposite.
When you spend time reading swinger site forums, it seems many men are asking the same question: How can I get my wife into the lifestyle? Perhaps their question should be two fold: How can I convince my wife to visit a swing club, followed by: What can I do to make her enjoy the lifestyle once she is there.
Although many women are not open to the thought of a swing club the first time a man mentions it, over time, if he handles it well, she might change her mind. There are a few reasons why women are more resistant to the thought of swinging than men. Here are a few:
1. Women are programmed as children that their bodies are private and should only be shared with one man.
2. Girls who sleep around are sluts and whores.
3. If a man loves you, he will be faithful to you.
It might not be as difficult to get your wife (or girlfriend) to agree to a night in a swing club as you think. If you tell her you are just curious and would like to see what it is all about, she might surprise you and say ok. It might not happen the first time you ask, but over time she might surprise you. The best approach would be to let her know that you will be by her side for the entire evening and will not do anything to make her uncomfortable.
Most swing clubs are not terribly different from regular clubs when you remain up front and avoid the playroom. Although at times you might see some sexual activity in the front of a club, it is rare. Women need to understand that people in swing clubs are very respectful. No means no and they have plenty of staff to make sure their customers feel comfortable and safe. I do believe that many women would be more agreeable if they felt that they would have control over what happens when they enter a club.
The biggest mistake I see men make is that they forget to put their wife first when they are at the club. It can be exciting to be in an environment where the women are dressed in very sexy outfits. Most people are open to flirting but just remember, your only hope of returning to a swing club depends on how you handle yourself. It is crucial to remember that she will be watching you while you are there. She will follow your eyes when you are looking at another woman, she will listen to any conversation you have with another woman and if you greet another woman, she will observe how warm you are to her. Make no mistake, you will not notice her watching you so carefully, but trust me, she will be. Some women will let you know right on the spot when you are doing something that she does not like, but more often than not, she will keep it to herself and smile through the night. Prepare yourself when you leave the club because when you get into your car, she will tell you what she really thinks.
Imagine how you would feel if the shoe was on the other foot. You arrive at the club and she is flirtatious and friendly, watches other men and compliments them on their wonderful sense of style, all the while not really paying much attention to you. It is hard to believe that men would like this any more than women do. Many men argue that they would love to see this, but I disagree. They might like the fantasy, but the reality is a bit different. The best approach is to remember that when you enter the club, you are a couple; this is your spouse and she is the most important person in the club, then treat her as such. Put her first, make her know she is the most special woman in the whole club and you will be surprised at how easy it is from there. Once you give her the confidence she needs, she will be able to relax and enjoy the atmosphere.
This might make smooth sailing for the first night and get you a ticket to return but that does not mean after you have been there a few times things should change. Many nights I have overheard women complaining that their husbands are completely oblivious to them. They are outside smoking a cigarette and their husbands do not even notice they are gone.
The night cannot end well if she feels left out or second best. If you put the time and effort into ensuring that she is happy and feels confident, there would be no reason for her to dislike any type of lifestyle event. Most women just want to know that you are thinking about them and there is no woman that you would rather be with. Try it!