“Plays well with others” is a good way to describe swingers.

 

Woman wearing Partners ID jewelry holding a white board
Woman wearing Partners ID jewelry holding a white board

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Dear Partners ID,

You recently published a blog discussing the possibility that the word “swinger” has become outdated. I really couldn’t agree more. I have been in the lifestyle for almost 20 years with 3 different partners and have never referred to myself as a swinger. I once asked a friend of mine (she is not in the lifestyle) what comes to mind when I say the word swinger. She said that she gets a mental image of a group of 60 year olds having an orgy and that it’s not a pretty picture.

Last year I purchased a few pieces of your jewelry. I kept one for myself, gave one to my significant other and gave the other 2 as host and hostess gifts at a party we attended. When we presented them with the gifts we were also wearing our pieces. They opened the boxes in front of the other guests and they were excited to see the jewelry. One of the guests was unfamiliar with the symbol and asked what it meant. I turned to him and said, “It means we play well with others.” Isn’t that really what it means? In any context that you put that in, people in the lifestyle truly do play well with others.

It would be wonderful to see people in the lifestyle strive to change the term to something more contemporary.  Some people have discussed simply saying that you are in an open relationship or an open marriage, but for me, these terms also indicate something of a sexual nature.   If you were to explain to someone that you are open-minded, there would be no negative image attached to it. It would not tell people anything about your sex life or your sexual orientation. It would simply let them know that you are approachable and nonjudgemental. Nothing wrong with that!

Have a good day and thanks for listening!

Dahlia
Sugarland, TX

Swingers are not the only people hanging around at swing clubs.

Swingers talking to vanilla girl, both wearing Partners ID jewelry
Swinger friends talking to vanilla girl, both wearing Partners ID jewelry

Swing clubs have changed dramatically over the years

Many years ago, when the baby boomers made up the majority of swingers, swinging was much less complicated. When people showed up at a swing club, you knew they had to do their homework to even find the place! Before the internet, finding other swingers, or a place to swing, was much more difficult. If you didn’t find it in a magazine or hear it by word of mouth, there was really no other way to know about it.

Besides being difficult to find, swing clubs were illegal and visiting one was risky, people never knew which night the club could be raided by police and they would all be arrested. Curiosity seekers were not going to chance checking out a swing club. The only customers swing clubs were seeing were hard core swingers. It created a cohesive group of swingers who were there for one reason, and that was to swing.

What we see in swing clubs today is nothing like the swing clubs of the past. Today, when you are in a swing club, some people are there to swing and some people are not. It seems that at the more popular swing clubs, as much as 40% of the people in the clubs are not swingers at all.

Why go to a swing club if you are not a swinger?

Swing clubs have become hip places to go. Years ago, strip clubs fell into favor with couples who were looking to shake things up. It was risqué to tell your friends that you had been in a strip club. With the exposure that swing clubs have gotten over the past few years, they have taken over as the new racy spot to be seen. It’s not uncommon to see people whip out a camera and start taking pictures under the sign for the club outside and then again upfront inside the club. Years ago, if you even took out your phone, you would be asked to put it away for fear that you might capture someone in a picture.

What does a non swinger do in a swing club?

For people who are not familiar with a swing club, many of them are as beautiful as any big city night club. Although they require a membership plus an entrance fee, once you are inside, in most clubs, everything else is on the house. You bring your own liquor so you are not paying through the nose for your drinks, mixers and sodas are available free and most clubs have dinner, and some even have breakfast. There is always a dj and the dance floors usually have very updated lighting and special effects. They show music videos and porn on big screens around the clubs.

As for the backroom or playroom, most couples who are not swingers remain up front for the duration of their night. Just like any other club, they dance, drink and socialize. When they are ready to leave, they head out of the club. For the couples who are curious, they tend to sit and watch others playing in the back or walk around to see what it’s all about. Not surprisingly, swingers do not appreciate seeing them in the play area. Even for couples who are exhibitionists, non swingers are not a welcome sight and are easy to spot.

How can you tell who the swingers are?

The first part of the equation is to filter out the swingers from the others. Even seasoned swingers have trouble distinguishing between the two. Most couples who enjoy swing clubs are very social. They like the atmosphere and easily assimilate socially in the front of the club. What they don’t realize, is that swingers are there to swing, not to entertain curiosity seekers. Once swingers have come to the realization that you are not there to swing, most will simply say hello and avoid you.

Let us not confuse newbies with vanilla people. Newbies are welcome at any club as everyone at one time was in their situation. Besides, they are people who want to swing, vanilla people do not. They are strictly looking to be part of the scene. They like the environment and the energy of a swing club. More often than not, vanilla people will come to a club as a group. They are not looking to meet other couples as they are not swingers. Those who do come alone (as a couple), might try to socialize but when another couple realizes they do not swing, the swingers will move on.

Swingers are not opposed to couples who come to swing clubs and strictly play with each other. Some couples are exhibitionists and enjoy when others watch them. Swing clubs are an acceptable place for couples like this. Swing clubs, however, are not a place for curiosity seekers to visit or frequent.

For vanilla couples who enjoy the sexually charged environment of a swing club, a strip club might be a better alternative. These establishments are more suited for their desire to watch others while not engaging.

Why private parties have fallen into favor with swingers.

Years ago, if swingers were looking to swing, they went to a swing club. It was rare that people would host private swinger parties in their home. Most people did not want to host a party where people would have sex all over their house and they would be left to clean up the condoms the next morning.

Since swing clubs have become more diluted and the percentage of swingers in any swing club has declined dramatically, private parties have become more popular. Swingers now choose to host events where the only requirement of the attendees is to swing. A private invite only party is the only way to ensure that the group will consist strictly of swingers. Someone at a party we attended recently said, “Wouldn’t it be great if someone opened a club for swingers so we wouldn’t have to keep planning private parties?” Sad, but true, swing clubs that are strictly for swingers, no longer exists. Even a private club that requires a membership is not a sacred swinger place any more.

Vanilla couples who read this might think swingers are snobs for the way that they feel but let us look at this in another way. If swing clubs did not exist and swingers were forced to meet at regular clubs, how would the vanilla population respond? “Get a room” would probably be a common phrase thrown at couples who display any public affection. Straight people do not have a lot of tolerance for swingers and are the first to admit they do not approve of this lifestyle.

Let’s look at this way…

How about if people who do not gamble hang out in casinos. They sit at the blackjack table or crowd around a craps table and watch. The people gambling would be forced to maneuver around them to do what they came for, which is gamble.

Have you ever gone into Starbucks to have a cup of coffee with a friend but there are no empty seats. There are many people sitting on computers at tables but many are not even drinking coffee. I imagine most people are frustrated by this and wonder why they are there if not to drink coffee.

This very same principle applies to swingers. If you are not a swinger, why are you hanging around a swing club? The truth is, swingers are in a swing club to meet other swingers, period. It is not that we are snobs or unfriendly or don’t like to meet others. It is actually the exact opposite. Swingers are going to swing clubs to meet other swingers. If we were looking to spend time with or meet vanilla people, there are endless other places we would be, but the one place we would not be, is in a swing club.

Why you must be able to trust your partner in order to be successful in the lifestyle.

Woman with trust issues . All 3 wearing Parnters ID jewelry
Woman feels left out. All 3 wearing Partners ID jewelry

 

 

 

 

Trust is something that is vitally important for any relationship to be successful. Some people believe that trust is more important than love in order to sustain a healthy relationship with another person. According to dictionary.com, trust means the following:

1. Reliance on the integrity, strength, ability, surety, etc., of a person or thing; confidence.
2. Confident expectation of something; hope.
3. Confidence in the certainty of future payment for property or goods received; credit:

If you cannot rely upon or have confidence in the person you share your life with, there are sure to be problems between the two of you. Having trust in another person allows you to feel both confident and safe.

What are some of the ways in which people allow others to trust them?

For one, being dependable for you partner is critical. If your partner knows that regardless of the situation they can turn to you for help and you will be there for them, that helps to build a solid foundation. Supporting your partner is very important. If they need to talk to you about something, be available to them. Don’t diminish their feelings when they open up about something that concerns them. Even if something seems silly or unimportant to you, it might feel the exact opposite to them. Make sure your partner knows you care about them. Don’t just nod your head when they speak, listen to what they are saying and try to help them through the situation.

Trust is not built around control. If you try to control your partner, it makes them feel that you have no confidence in them. Allow them the freedom to do what is best for them and for you, without your interference. Show your partner respect by trusting them around other people. If something is bothering you, discuss it with your partner, not other people. Talking about your partner is never helpful in either resolving problems or in building trust between the two of you.

So how does trust come into play in the lifestyle? Most people believe that their fellow swingers have no trust issues with their partners. How can they? Swinging is built around the philosophy of an open marriage. Without trust, how could you possibly swing?

Trust is critically important in the lifestyle, perhaps even more so, than in the vanilla world. Swingers allow their partners to not only flirt with others, but to have sex with other people. The majority of their time spent in lifestyle venues is for the purpose of finding others to have sex with. If something is happening that makes one person uncomfortable, this could lead to disaster for the couple.

In order for swingers to be successful in the lifestyle, couples must be proficient in communicating with one another. Nothing can be held back when talking about the lifestyle. If one person is feeling insecure or uncomfortable about something, it must be spoken about immediately. Trust is the most important factor in determining the success or failure of a couple who decides to enter the lifestyle.

Often times one person is actually acting in a way that their partner finds offensive but to keep the peace, they let it slide. It is very important to make sure your partner comes first in the lifestyle regardless of how long the two of you have been swinging. From the moment you step foot into a swing club or party, you must remember you are a couple first and foremost. Make sure your partner is happy and comfortable at all times. Your partner must feel that you are there for them no matter what the circumstance. Does your partner need a refill for their drink, would they like to dance, do they like the people you are talking with? Are you paying attention to everyone except them? Is there a person you find attractive and are spending too much time watching them or trying to flirt with them? Although in your mind that is why you are at the club or the party, your partner might not appreciate the way in which you approach swinging.  A simple loving gesture from time to time goes a long way to letting your partner know you are thinking of them.  Hold their hand, a gentle kiss or even touching their hair will let them feel that you are thinking about them.

One of the best ways to ensure your partner will always be happy and comfortable is to consider how you would feel if the tables were turned. Always treat your partner as you would like to be treated. Jealousy is always a possibility in the lifestyle. Although couples always say neither of them gets jealous, this is not always the truth. In order to make sure your partner has no reason to feel jealous, let them know by your actions that they always come first. A united couple is a secure couple. Just like it is important for your partner to trust you, it is equally as important for potential swinger couples to trust you. Nobody wants to find themselves in a situation with a couple who is having problems. It can only lead to disaster for everyone involved and seasoned swingers can spot these couples a mile away.

Swinging is wonderful for couples who are honestly able to trust one another. One of the reasons some couples are so successful in the lifestyle is because of their honest communication. The talk about what they both feel comfortable with and what makes them uncomfortable. They speak honestly about what they like and dislike. Successful couples are like football players. They have a game plan and they stick with it. They have rules and boundaries regarding swinging. They talk about things before they arrive at an event and they rehash how things went afterwards. If something did not go as planned, they discuss how they could have done things differently. They operate as a team. They are in this together and it shows. These are the couples who have the best chance of success in the lifestyle.

Trust is something that people earn from others. When we first meet someone, we never know if we can trust them. It is over time, through actions and words that we discover that either this person is honest and we can rely on them, or they are not and we cannot have confidence in them. If trust was an issue prior to entering the lifestyle, swinging can exacerbate this problem tenfold. If this is an issue for your couple, the lifestyle is probably not the place for you.

Why swing clubs have become so popular over the past 10 years.

Swing clubs are trending
Swing clubs are trending
 This might not be news to many people in the lifestyle but apparently swing clubs have become a hip place to be seen.  This is quite a contrast to the days when people would do anything to keep their visits to swing clubs a secret!  Although every state is different with regard to the legality of swing clubs, for those that have been fortunate enough to have club owners in their home town go to court and battle, the taste of victory is very sweet for them indeed.  The clubs that reside in legal areas have seen tremendous growth in their clientele over the last decade or so.  For most states, each county has its own laws regarding this, which makes it even better for the owners who put their time and money into making this happen.
The change in the atmosphere in clubs that are no longer underground has been dramatic.  Before they were legal it was very risky for couples to venture out to a club for the evening.  Many people tell stories of making sure to have enough cash in their pockets to be able to make bail if they were to get arrested, after all, who could they call?  Some people recall being terrified of having their names in the newspaper should the club get raided.  Police would drive by at opening time and scare clients away or sit in the parking lot making sure clients were too uncomfortable to go inside.  One thing these long time swingers remember the most was the fact that when they were in the club, every single person there, was a swinger who came to play.  Back then, nobody was going to take the risk just to “check it out”.  That is where the clubs have seen a total change.
Back when it was not legal,  swing clubs rarely had big crowds and generally hosted about 20-30 couples on a Saturday night.  They were sparsely decorated and tended to be rather small in size.  Today, some clubs boast more than ten thousand square feet and rival the swank decor of any hot Miami Beach or New York City night club.  It is not uncommon for the more popular swing clubs to host over 200 couples in a night.  The difference is, a much smaller percentage of couples are there to play.  The truth is, where else can you spend an evening that allows you to bring your own bottle, serves dinner and breakfast and has a dj until 3 in the morning?  While it is true that most clubs have a membership fee, the nightly fees are generally less expensive than a moderately priced restaurant would cost to eat dinner for two.  Swing clubs are night clubs where the atmosphere on every Saturday night is like New Year’s Eve.  What other clubs have a regular clientele like this where couples are looking to make friends?  I have never been to a vanilla club where people want to meet you and your husband or boyfriend; couples are either there to have fun alone or they come to the club with a group of friends
There are times when men bring women into a swing club and she does not even know what kind of a club it really is.  When you spend your evening up front, there is no reason to guess what happens behind the closed doors in the back of the club.  The women usually figure it out when they see people getting carried away on the dance floor or around the bar.  Especially when she realizes that nobody else is shocked except for her!  Porn playing on a large screen in the club is also a dead giveaway that something is not quite kosher.
There has been a surge in the number of young couples who visit swing clubs.  In prior years it was uncommon to see people under the age of 40 visting a swing club.  Today, there are groups which cater to the younger crowd and it has become quite common for the younger groups to out number the 40 year old plus crowd.
For newcomers, the atmosphere of a swing club can be intoxicating.  The energy, the friendliness and the fun to be had is like no other type of club environment.  The sexy dresses, the provocative dancing, the nudity and sexual overtures are tintillating to say the least.  The notion that just behind the closed doors in the back of the club is something that you had always considered forbidden and deviant.  Live sex, both for you to watch and participate in, is never far from your thoughts. This new generation of curious guests soon come to find this part of the club’s appeal; it’s risque and they are a part of it!
The lifestyle has been slow to gain any type of acceptance in most communities but with so many people exploring swing clubs and enjoying the atmosphere perhaps we are seeing a change in attitude.  People are able to enter the clubs and have a good time while noticing that the clientele in the clubs are made up of normal people who are not attacking each other or indiscriminately lusting after one another.  The image most people have of what goes on in a swing club is generally drastically different from what they find when they arrive.  The media has not been particularly helpful in portraying swingers over the years and people outside the lifestyle have no other frame of reference with which to base this on.
Swing clubs are not dungeons with leather clad freaks wearing masks and making unwanted sexual advances to anyone and everyone.  Most people are pleasantly surprised to discover that swing clubs are very similar to any other night club.  One of the aspects that sets swing clubs apart is the friendly clientele.  Couples looking to meet other couples and warmly welcoming to newcomers is something you will not see elsewhere.  Most couples are well dressed and extremely respectful of each other.  People don’t judge and this encourages many couples who might not feel as though they fit in at other types of clubs, to turn to swing clubs.
Moving forward, with this refreshing change in attitude toward the lifestyle and how it has become trendy to be a part of it, people should feel more confident that wearing the jewelry only indicates that they are open minded.  The jewelry shall remain only known to people in the lifestyle but remember that being in the lifestyle does not mean you are a swinger.  It simply tells others that you enjoy that atmosphere and are open to conversations regarding such.

Newbies tend to have a perception of swingers that is not always accurate.

Newbie swinger woman toasting friends wearing Partners ID jewelry
Newbie swinger woman toasting friends wearing Partners ID jewelry

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Newbies is a term  swingers use which refers to people who are new to the lifestyle.  The word “newbie” is not a new term and is even listed in the merriam-webster dictionary:

https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/newbie

One of the wonderful things about the lifestyle is the variety of people it attracts.  People from all walks of life are swingers.   We were approached recently by a couple on a beach who spotted our flag and wanted to ask about the lifestyle. (Glad the flag works!)

They have never been in any type of lifestyle environment ( which is why we use the term “newbies”) and thought the nude beach might help them get some information about swing clubs and swinger resorts.  They were smart because there are many swingers that frequent the nude beach.  They had no idea how to know who was a swinger so the flag came in handy for that!  The woman (who was wearing a rather conservative one piece bathing suit) was very apprehensive about the type of women she would find in a swing club.  She somehow felt she would not measure up to swing club standards.  The man did not seem particularly concerned with this and it should come as no surprise that she was in better shape than he.  I suppose it is normal to have preconceived notions about what you will see on your first trip to a swing club and newbies are never sure if they will fit in.  She went on to explain that she is not as thin as she was, or in as good shape as she was 20 years ago.  She was afraid that all the women in a swing club or at a resort such as Desire or Secrets Hideaway would be perfect tens and that would intimidate her.  She was concerned that they would all ooze sexuality and she was still raising children and did not really consider herself particularly sexy.  She mentioned that she is not good with hair and make up and prefers a more natural look.  How could she ever compete with all of the glamorous women with perfect hair, make up and bodies?

I was not sure why her perception of swing clubs was like this but we spent a good hour talking to them about the realities of lifestyle venues and what types of people you will find.  We assured her that in any given swing club you will see a very broad spectrum of both men and women.   It is possible you will spot a woman you think is the perfect model, but isn’t beauty in the eye of the beholder?  Every man I have ever met has different taste when it comes to women.  Some look at breasts, some at legs, some at the face, some like certain hair and others like a combination of things.  Some men like very thin women and some like very large women, so how can we decide who is a perfect ten?  I told her if she is concerned that she will find a bunch of Victoria Secret models walking around the club, she is worried for nothing.  Every swing club and swinger resort we have ever been to has been made up of all types of women.  Tall, short, fat, thin, beautiful blown out hair styles, wet matted hair, curly, straight, long and short hair, big boobs, small boobs, no boobs, beautiful dresses, jeans, shorts, fishnets, you name it.  Some women wear 6″ stilettos and others sport flip flops.  Some women have had plastic surgery and some seem not to be interested in  the shape or size of their bodies.   There is no particular style or trend in any club I have ever been to.  In my opinion, women should never worry that they won’t “measure up” in a swing club because there are all types of women.

The same goes for men.  Men come in all shapes and sizes.  You will find some men with hair, some without, some well dressed, some not.  Some men have big bellies, some have big muscles; some are well endowed and some are not.  The beauty of the lifestyle is everyone can play.  Swingers do not seem to notice the color of anyone’s hair or skin and they seem unconcerned with what you do for a living.  Bring a smile and a warm, open attitude and anyone can have a good time.

Life is too short to worry about what others might think.  The beauty of the lifestyle is the variety of people you will meet and how the majority of people are just there to have a good time.  Nobody cares what you are wearing or if your makeup is perfect.  Wear what makes you comfortable and bring a positive attitude.

The couple seemed happy to hear that they would fit in just fine but before they left I did offer her a small piece of advice:  After years of raising children and leaving your “sexy self” behind, you will shocked to see how fast it will return when you enter a swing club.  Find what makes you feel good and wear it with pride.  The only person you should want to impress is your husband and the same goes for him.  As for the people in the club?  They will like you if you are friendly, that’s all you need to fit in!

Swingers are often more happily married than other couples; here’s why.

Married swinger couple smiling
Married swinger couple smiling

 

One of the most important things in a marriage is trust. When you are in a committed relationship, you must be able to trust the other person. If you don’t, the marriage is doomed from the start. What is the biggest trust issue between married couples? What do they fear most that could destroy their marriage? Infidelity. If you are always suspicious that something is going on between your spouse and someone else, it is very hard to be happy.

Couples who are married do not spend 24 hours a day together. Most couples probably spend the majority of their days apart. Either one or both usually work and that takes them away for at least 8 hours each day. If you are always worrying that your spouse is either looking for someone else or is with someone else, that is a lot of time to be concerned with that. It probably escalates when your spouse is out of touch for a period of time and this probably results in accusatory comments or conversations.

Imagine if couples put that time and energy into something constructive. One of the benefits of swinging, is that there is no reason for couples to cheat on each other. The whole point of swinging is to have the ability to explore sex with other people without having to do it behind your partners back. I think most swingers would agree that they never worry that their partner is cheating on them. Why would they when they have a green light to sleep with other people on a regular basis? It would be like a grocery store telling you that everything in the store is free and the only catch is to let them see what you take before you leave. Would anyone feel the need to steal from them? I don’t see why they would when they have permission to take whatever they want.

Swingers are very connected couples for a variety of reasons. The lifestyle is all about having fun. Swing clubs try to promote a cohesive environment for their patrons. They offer discounts at the door if people dress in a certain costume each week, they offer different seating areas that promote meeting others and have parties regularly for different events and occasions. Lifestyle cruises and resorts have theme nights and parties to help guests to meet and interact with each other.

Swingers are always out looking for fun. They do things together as a couple and this keeps them happy. Marriage can be difficult and stressful and cause people to fall into a rut. Same routine day in and day out, bills, children, pressures at work can all create problems. One or both partners might be too tired to have sex or sex has become so routine and predictable that there is no longer any excitement for one or both members of the couple. If couples don’t put in the time and energy to find something exciting to do, eventually the marriage will be doomed.

This is where swingers have the advantage. They too, have pressures and stress at work and with bills and children. However, they make the time for themselves and each other. If they know they are going to a swing club or a party on the weekend, it gives them something to look forward to as a couple. Every experience is different but always exciting! It helps keep a balance in your life as the two of you look forward to fun adventures each weekend. It gives the two of you a naughty little secret that you can rehash during the week. Sex will never be dull and I believe most swingers would agree that they never think about having an affair. They have everything they need, why mess it up?

How many times have you joked about being a swinger only to be laughed at by your friends?

Swingers are everyday people, just like this woman with her 2 vanilla friends
One female swinger with 2 vanilla girlfriends

 

Swingers have a reputation of being degenerates. I don’t really know why that is, but people don’t think very highly of swingers. Perhaps it is because, as we have discussed before, people are afraid of what they don’t understand.

It would surprise many vanilla people to realize that they all already know people who are swingers. It would probably shock them, to know which ones they are. If they were asked to guess which couples they know who swing, chances are the real swingers would not make the list of suspects.

Prior to entering the lifestyle, when we spoke about checking out a local swing club, I would frequently imagine who I would see there. I was certain that there would be people I know simply because of the proximity of the club to our home. When we finally did work up the courage to go, although we did know a handful of people at the club, not one of them was someone I would have suspected! In fact, a few would have been the last people I would have imagined I would see.

I had heard rumors about a certain neighborhood close to my own where swingers were rampant. There was supposedly a key club that existed, but new members had to be approved in order to join. The group would (supposedly) meet at a popular restaurant bar on Thursday evenings to choose new members. Having gone to that restaurant on many Thursday nights to observe, I was pretty certain that these were the people I would see at the club.

Thankfully, I was wrong. The couples at the bar were not the type of people I wanted to spend time with. They were all loud, obnoxious and very sure of themselves. Were they actually there to join a key club? I’m not so sure. It’s very possible that people came to this conclusion because they were all very drunk and dressed provocatively.

The interesting thing about “real” swingers, is that they are often the last people you would suspect. Many of them are sexy, full of life and confident in the lifestyle but reserved and quite ordinary in their daily lives. Swingers frequently laugh about how others think of them as leading boring, conservative lives. Even when others ask what they did that weekend, and they say outrageous things like, “Oh I watched my wife screw 2 guys while I had 2 girls for myself at our home,” others laugh at them and say things like, “Yeah right,” or “You wish!”

Swingers are frequently forced to endure nasty and uneducated comments regarding swingers and the lifestyle. Vanilla couples at times throw out comments about how disgusting swinging is and how pathetic people are who swing. They are certain that swingers are in bad marriages and are looking to have sex with anyone but their spouses. It can be very difficult to bite your tongue when people are talking about you. You know the truth about swinging but most of us choose to remain silent or nod in agreement while feeling angry inside. Even when swingers attempt to defend the lifestyle while feigning innocence, vanilla couples can be difficult to convince. It frequently leaves me wondering if they are angry because they would like to be brave enough to try swinging and their spouse is against it, or they are interested but not sure they could handle it. Why else would vanilla people bring up the subject?

These kinds of situations often reinforce for swingers the need to distance themselves from the vanilla community. Discrimination is difficult for anyone to handle, especially when you are hiding the truth to protect yourself. It is hard to not want to educate every person you meet who makes degrading remarks regarding swingers.

Often times, when vanilla couples bring up the subject of swinging, it seems perhaps they are actually interested in swinging but don’t know how to approach the subject. They act like it is something which repulses them when in fact it is done defensively. They have discussed it but want to see how others feel about it. They fear that if they speak of it in a positive or curious light, others will suspect they are swingers. My suggestion for these couples would be to investigate swinging on your own. Chances are your vanilla friends are not on the same page.

 

Until swinging becomes more acceptable and mainstream we will have to continue with our sarcastic comments and innuendos. When we are packed for a lifestyle cruise with a small carry on for one week at sea and someone asks, we will continue to say it’s a lifestyle cruise and we don’t need clothing. When coworkers ask what we did over the weekend we will keep on describing the orgies we participated in while listening to them snicker. We will keep on listening to friends tell us we need to get out more that our lives are so boring that if we were a tv show it would be cancelled. When friends inform us that sex was meant to be fun when we were younger, we will remember to tell them that we had sex outside the front door last night because we couldn’t wait to get inside.

Although it can be difficult to keep such a large part of our lives a secret, for now, for most swingers, it must be done. Until society understands the lifestyle and accepts swinging, people run the risk of discrimination. Best to keep a sense of humor about it and feel sorry for those who are missing out. It stands to reason that it is just a matter of time before swinging becomes mainstream.

 

 

A swinger’s life; what happens when the party is over?

swingers enjoying breakfast

Swingers have it all figured out. Sure, things are not always perfect, but for the most part, they live a life others would envy.

The nights are always fun, but what about the next morning? What is that like? Do couples feel ashamed or remorse about the previous night’s activities? Let’s take a look…

A typical Sunday morning for swingers, goes something like this:

After arriving home from a party or club in the wee hours of the morning, most swingers like to sleep in. Anytime between 11:00 and noon, you will discover swingers rolling out of bed. They slip on a robe, brush their teeth, wash their face and head into the kitchen for some coffee.

Often, they have friends who have stayed the night and they are already waiting in the kitchen sipping on coffee. Everyone kisses good morning and the day has begun. Breakfast is a collaborative effort between the group and soon it is time to eat.

Sitting around the table the stories about the night before begin. Everyone talks about who and what they did, laughing at things they can’t clearly remember. The scene is reminiscent of summer camp. Laughing over breakfast, looking forward to the day ahead with friends.

What should the group do today? Head over to the nude beach? For sure, many of the couples from the previous night are already camped out on the beach for the day. The music, the drinks, the friends all lounging around naked; not a bad way to spend the afternoon.

Swingers on the beach are an amazing group. People pack giant coolers with fruits, sandwiches, alcohol, jello shots, etc. all with the intent of sharing with people they know and people they meet for the first time on the beach. They play horseshoes and volleyball, some opt to swim in the ocean, others choose to relax and soak up the sun. Swingers definitely believe the more friends, the merrier. Everyone who wants to be a part of the group is welcome.

If the weather is not quite right for the beach, they relax at home with their friends, sipping bloody marys while watching a movie or a sporting event on tv. Sometimes the swingers will play with their sleep over friends, sometimes not. At times the swingers might play together while their friends hang back and watch.

Lunch time is another group effort as is clean up. The day usually lasts until early evening when friends have to head back to their own place to get ready either for another night of partying or to prepare for work the next day. Everyone kisses goodbye; until next weekend!

Back to the original question: are the mornings after swinger parties or swing clubs full of remorse and disgust? Not so much…

If vanilla couples knew what a swinger’s life is really like, would they still think swingers are crazy? I’m not so sure.

Sometimes the lifestyle finds you; how this couple ended up in the lifestyle.

Middle age group of friends drinking wine.

 

Hi Partners ID!

My name is Marie and my husband’s name is Larry. We love reading all the stories from your customers so we thought we would chime in. Ours is way different from any other story we have read so far.  We will tell you that in the not so distant past, we had never heard the term lifestyle, never been to a swing club and never heard of Partners ID!

Larry and I met in high school and got married after we graduated from college. We had three children and lived a pretty atypical suburban life. Over the past 20 years or so, we basically devoted our time and energy to raising our children and building a business.

Our youngest child left for college a few years ago. Like many other empty nesters, we looked at each other and wondered “now what”?

We traveled, took up golf and tried to find ways to keep the marriage happy. Our sex life was nothing to speak of but we were still very much in love.

One evening when we were trying to pick a movie to go and see my husband told me he was honestly tired of our routine. When I asked him if he had something in mind, he said he did. He announced that he wanted us to go to a strip club. I am willing to try just about anything once, so I said it was worth a try.

He told me he had done some research (not surprising) and had one picked out. I was a little nervous as this was my first time, but at the same time I was excited to go. We stopped to grab a quick bite to eat and a drink before heading over.

I was surprised at how nice the place was and never expected to see so many couples. I had imagined it would be mostly single men but I was wrong. We sat at a table and watched the girls parade around the place. A few came over and wanted to dance for us. At first I said no but after a few more drinks I was open to the idea.

We spent a few hours there and as it got later in the night we noticed a group sitting at a table near ours. There were about 8 couples all around a large table drinking and laughing and having a good time. The couples looked to be about our age and the women were dressed very sexy. After a while I noticed that some of the women were kissing more than one man and even kissing each other! My husband and I spent more time watching this group than the naked girls parading around in front of us.

I had to use the restroom and when I returned, two women from that group were talking to my husband. I walked over and they quickly turned to me and introduced themselves. They were extremely friendly but it was odd to me that these women would approach my husband like this. They asked if we came to this place often and we explained it was our first time. They told us they frequently stopped here after a night at a swing club not far away. A swing club?! Really!

They invited us to come and sit with them. I was totally taken off guard. When do people ever try to pick up a couple? Weird!!! We agreed. My husband told me not to worry, that we would just sit for a few minutes and then leave. They offered us drinks and everyone was so friendly. I can honestly say that I had never seen a group of people this friendly in my life. We had a few drinks and then I got up the nerve to ask about the swing club. They were all swingers and they pointed to their necklaces. I had never seen one before and had no idea what it meant. They explained that they wear the jewelry to meet other swingers. One of them slipped it off her neck and put it on my neck. She made me promise that I would wear it next weekend and we would try the swing club they had come from.

Believe it or not, we did indeed go and it was amazing! We had such a blast dancing and drinking with our new found friends. There was nothing awkward or uncomfortable about the entire first night. We did not go into the room in the back right away. It wasn’t until our 5th visit that we ventured back there.

This happened a year ago and we are not only regulars at the swing club, but we both own a piece of the jewelry and wear it all the time. My husband met a man when he was playing golf who approached him. We have been out with that couple several times as well.

We love the lifestyle and we love your jewelry!

Thanks!

Marie and Larry

With 31 gender identities, how will swingers know who the single guys are?

gender identity

After watching the MTV movie awards I was left considering the category for “Best Actor.” Seemingly, this is not a new category, but apparently, it is. Best actor no longer refers to a man. It is a category to find the person who had the best performance. I wondered out loud why not best actor or actress but soon realized that times have changed and apparently there are currently (according to New York City) 31 gender identities. Yes, you read that right, 31. So in order to keep things simple, they call it best actor award.

Notably, the person who handed out this award, was Billions star Asia Kate Dillon, who identifies as gender non-binary (someone who doesn’t use specific gender pronouns, like “he” or “she”). Asia also plays a non-binary character on the show.

So what does this have to do with swinging? Well, for starters it made me think about how that would work at a swing club. The confusion would begin at check in. To begin with, swing clubs restrict single men to only a few nights a week. They do not accept men on Saturdays or Sundays. Single men can pay as much as $100 to get into a swing club, where single women are welcome every night and only pay about $10 — $15, depending on the club.

Let us now imagine that each state accepts 31 gender identities. That would mean that they must be treated equally. Fair enough but what happens when someone comes to sign in and they are not male or female but are “gender queer” or maybe “two-spirit”. Are they allowed in every night? If they are, do they pay $15 or $100?

With 31 gender identities to choose from, this could be both confusing and time consuming. The front desk would have to learn about each of the terms so that they would know how to handle each one according to the new rules that the clubs will need to address.

To see a list of the 31, click here
https://heatst.com/culture-wars/here-are-the-31-gender-identities-new-york-city-recognizes/

 

Finally the new person has entered the swing club and is ready to have a good time. The good thing about swingers is they are tolerant and open minded. This however, might be uncharted territory for some. Not because they are not open, but because it is new. When a couple is approached by a person who is not clear about their gender, this could be confusing.

Traditionally speaking, most swing clubs have men and women. Many people come to swing clubs looking for new experiences. Women wanting to play with other women and even some men are looking to play with other men. However, when confronted with a person who identifies as neither man nor woman, this could be awkward. Without knowing which gender the person is, both the man and woman would have to be open to anything. There are many men who enjoy watching their wife or girlfriend play with another woman, but they are not open to playing with another man.

I suspect the reason that this whole gender crisis would be of concern to swingers is because sex is involved. We cannot pretend that when sex is on the table, we don’t care who we are having it with. Swingers can be open minded, tolerant and inclusive as human beings, but as sexual beings, it is a bit more complicated. Most people want to know, before they are in a compromising position, who their partner is, and what type of sex they are capable of. It has nothing to do with prejudice or judging people, it has to do with plain old anatomy. A person who has male body parts, but identifies as a woman, might not be a good fit for a man who is straight. Even when a man seems completely interested in someone in the front of the club, if he has not been told that the person he is talking to is transgender or cross dressing, he does not have all the facts to make a decision. Same goes for a woman in a similar situation.

How do we fix this? Does this become part of the early night conversation? Will it become impossible to know what sex someone is without asking them?

I think we can all agree that everyone should be free to live life in a way that is comfortable for them. We don’t want to discriminate against anyone for any reason at all. As the LGBTQ community has gained acceptance, people have become more comfortable expressing themselves openly both in their private and public lives.

I’m sure over time we will continue to see more people in the lifestyle with different gender identities and sexual preferences. It might be a little confusing at first, but I’m sure we will figure it out as we go.

We welcome your thoughts and comments on this…