Why do swingers seem so much younger than their vanilla counterparts?

woman in swinger lifestyle wearing partners ID jewelry

A coworker recently asked what I had done over the weekend.  Without thinking I said, “A gang bang and 2 very sexy women.”  When I realized what I had said and I saw the look on my coworkers face, I went into panic mode.  Thankfully, that’s when I woke up from this nightmare!

Imagine if swingers could actually be honest with people about how we spend our time.  So often people comment on how I stay in good shape or the fact that my hair or nails are always impeccable.  Well, yea, I’m a swinger!  I spend every weekend at a swing club and many weekends at a nude beach.  It is important for me to look good!

Maybe people who are in the swinger lifestyle are more in tune with their bodies because we don’t keep them covered very often.  Wearing sexy clothing and shoes are one of the fun aspects of going out to swing clubs.  Although on occasion you will spot a woman in jeans and flip flops, it is very rare.  Most swingers dress to impress.

Swinging is a lot like dating.  The goal is to find others with whom to play.  Obviously, like when you are dating, you want to put your best foot forward.  Looking good is certainly a plus.

For those not in the lifestyle, it is easy to stop trying to impress your significant other.  They see you at your best and they see you at your worst and they still love you.  Perhaps this can cause people to become complacent.  After all, once you have settled in with a partner, there are more important things to worry about, right?

Not for swingers!  

When we first entered the lifestyle I was shocked by how much younger swingers seemed.  I can remember meeting couples who were closer to my parent’s age than my own.  It was amazing how fit and sexy they were. Not to mention how open-minded their attitudes were!  I could only attribute these characteristics to the fact that they were in the lifestyle.

The lifestyle takes sex from being an obligation to the exciting fun it was when you first met.  It turns fantasies into realities!  Lifestyle vacations are like sleep-away camp.  All of your friends are there to have fun together.

The lifestyle creates a very busy social life for people who are looking to get involved.  Between meet and greets, parties, swing clubs, hotel takeovers, cruises, and lifestyle resorts there is a lot going on!  Even simply having dinner with lifestyle friends is different.  The conversations are sexier and everyone is looking to have a good time.

Life is exciting when you have things to look forward to.  That is not to say that vanilla people don’t have things to look forward to; obviously, they do.  What swingers look forward to are endless events and parties.  From Sunday Funday to Saturday night specials, every day is a party!  There are many swingers who have already booked cruises for 2021 and beyond!  

It seems that swingers have really found the fountain of youth.  Life can be difficult and stressful but when we put on our swinger hats it is all about fun.  The serious stuff can wait until the next morning!  

Perhaps those in the swinger lifestyle seem younger than their vanilla counterparts for good reasons.  They are active, they are free and they have endless opportunities for fun to look forward to. 

Exploring your fantasies and watching your spouse do the same can be intoxicating!  Flirting with others, having sex with different people all while maintaining a loving relationship with your spouse is beyond compare.  When life is this much fun, who wants to get old?

When vanilla friends become a little too nosy…

Vanilla women

How many times have your vanilla friends (for those of you who still have them) wanted to know where you were going and with whom?  It seems whenever you tell vanilla friends you have other plans, they become curious.  Especially if it happens on a regular basis. 

When we first started making excuses for being unavailable to our vanilla friends, my husband and I would joke how ‘mom’ called.  It wasn’t either of our moms, it was a nosy vanilla friend.  Each conversation with her started with her asking what we did the previous weekend and with whom.

 Prior to entering the lifestyle we would make plans with friends on a regular basis, sometimes weeks in advance.  Saturday was usually spent at dinner or a movie.  

When we discovered strip clubs, we became less available or started ending nights out with friends earlier than in the past.  It was easy because strip clubs were better later at night.  When we discovered a swing club not far away, we became more and more unavailable over a short period of time.  

Our goal each week, was to keep Saturday night free so we could go to the club.  We even had a code name for the club so that nobody would know what we were talking about if they overheard our conversations.  Were we being paranoid?  I don’t think so, people really wanted answers! 

Over time, as we tried to force our vanilla friends to see us on Fridays. Not long after, we would only make ourselves available to them during the week.  At this point, some of our friends became suspicious.  We turned down invitations to just about every vanilla event we were invited to.  We had discovered swinging and that was all we wanted to do.  

As we made friends in the lifestyle, this group became our social life.  Sometimes we would meet at a restaurant before heading to the club.  This is when we discovered how difficult it was to have any privacy.  That’s right, going out to dinner with lifestyle friends became fodder for anyone who saw us.  It seemed not to matter how remote a restaurant we chose.  As luck would have it, we always seemed to run into someone we knew. 

Soon “mom” was back on the phone wanting to know who our new friends were.  The first time I got the call I was taken aback.  I tried to imagine how this was any of her business.  Since she had not actually seen us, I knew someone had told her. Then I tried to imagine why people were talking about us.  We do not live in a small town per se, but many people know each other.  Same schools, same churches,  temples, same after school activities, etc.  

So what made our lives suddenly so interesting that people were talking about us?  “Mom” casually mentioned that we seemed to be avoiding our old group of friends.  I pointed out that the previous week we had met them for dinner.  How could we be avoiding them if we saw them a few days ago?

It seems that making new friends, especially people that are from another town or city, raises eyebrows.  Suddenly “mom” was asking how we met them.  Don’t think  “mom” was the only person asking, she was simply the only one brave or nosy enough to confront me.

It made us wonder how much people really deserved to know.  Do we actually owe it to others to explain our whereabouts or our new friends?  Is it normal for “friends” to demand to know why you are not free to spend more time with them?

My husband and I had even considered telling one couple that was part of that group of friends about the lifestyle.  We thought they might be open to the whole idea of swinging.  After much thought, we decided against it.  If they were not open to it, we would be exposing ourselves and did not want to risk that.

The lifestyle resulted in our decision to completely remove ourselves from this former group of friends.  We soon realized that these people are very judgmental and if they were to discover the truth, we would no longer be friends.  Knowing this, we chose to drift away.

The question remained for us:  Why is it anyone’s business how we spend our free time?  Why must swingers always make up excuses so that they can do what they want?  Lying and making up stories and excuses is exhausting.  We are adults and should be free to live our lives without judgment.

For all of the nosy people out there:  stop worrying about what others are doing and with whom they are doing it.  We are forced to lie and sneak around to avoid judgment from people like you.  Don’t you have anything better to do?

The sad part is, many people in the lifestyle end up having to choose between the lifestyle and maintaining vanilla friendships.  Perhaps most people choose lifestyle friends simply because we have more in common with each other.  They also don’t judge or wonder what we are doing when we are busy with something else.

Bottom line, swingers do not owe anyone an explanation about how they spend their free time.  Where we go nights, weekends and on vacation is nobody’s business.  We have discovered a wonderful, carefree life in the lifestyle and have no plans to change this any time soon.  So butt out…

If you are looking for lifestyle jewelry you have come to the right place!  Check out our jewelry here: https://www.swingersjewelry.net/jewelry-for-swingers/

Why should we wear lifestyle jewelry? Is it really necessary?

 

Swingers on beach wearing Partners ID jewelry

Before Partners ID was born, my husband and I had been in the lifestyle for many years.  Some of our favorite lifestyle activities included going to  swing clubs and a local nude beach.  We traveled to Desire and Hedo and had ventured out on a lifestyle cruise.  At times we checked out swinger dating sites for private party information and to meet other swingers online.  

Regardless of the fact that we knew where to go to meet swingers, something was missing. We have always been proud to be in the lifestyle but we also practice discretion.   It is clear to us that there are many benefits to being in the lifestyle but most vanilla couples cannot understand this.  Most people are not open to the concept of swinging.  For this reason, most swingers prefer to keep the fact that they are in the lifestyle to themselves.

At times we would wonder about couples we would spot on the nude beach.  Quite often, we would spot an attractive couple and try to figure out if they were swingers. It occurred to us that other than flat out asking them, there was really no way to know for sure if they were in the lfiestyle. 

Not long after we had started to think about this, we took a trip to Cap D’agde, the naturist resort in France.  This community boasts as many as 50,000 visitors during their busiest times of year.  While the majority of people who visit are nudists, Cap D’agde also attracts many swingers.  During the summer months, Cap D’Agde reports that they can host upwards of 10,000 swingers at certain times.  Although that sounds like a lot, it is only about 1/5 of the population at the resort.

One thing about this is very important to understand.  While swingers can also be nudists, most naturists are not swingers.  More importantly, many naturists are as opposed to swingers as many vanilla couples are.  That creates some difficulty in an environment such as this.  Swingers are all excited to mingle and meet others in the lifestyle, but how can they decipher who the swingers are without asking?

It was at this point that we started to realize that something very important was missing from the lifestyle.  Swingers needed something to identify themselves to each other without alerting everyone around them.  A symbol that was designed only for this purpose.  It had to be too complicated to google yet easy to spot.  

The decision was made to do something about this problem while on the beach in Cap D’Agde.  There were 3 couples involved:  one American couple, one French couple and one Australian couple.  If there was a simple pendant that we could wear, that would identify us to others and others to us, this very vacation would have been so much better!  

This concept made us think about other aspects of our lives.  Wouldn’t it be great if we could meet other swingers in a local bar, at a grocery store, at a sporting event?  There would no longer be any reason to constantly wonder if other people were swingers.  

Since its inception, customers have written us hundreds of emails.  They relate stories of how they have met others swingers because of the jewelry. Each note always says the same thing:  “We would never have met these people if it wasn’t for the jewelry.”  That is exactly why it was created. 

Now imagine if everyone in the lifestyle wore this pendant….

To see our collection of lifestyle jewelry click here:  

Why is it so hard for the vanilla community to accept swingers?

It can be very frustrating to be a swinger.  Those of us who are in the lifestyle love it, but we go to great lengths to hide it from friends and family.   The vanilla world seems unable to understand why people are actually swingers.  Even if you try to explain it them, most are very close minded about the entire lifestyle. 

Why do you suppose people are so turned off by the whole concept?  Is it their upbringing?  Religion?  It just seems unnatural?  How much do others really even know or understand about swinging?

Perhaps they are afraid of what they do not understand. It makes sense that people who are not in the lifestyle would think swingers are crazy.  We allow our significant other to have sex with other people.  We allow them!  What if they like sex with the other person more than they like sex with us?  In my mind, when I hear vanilla people talking negatively about swingers, this is what I think they are worried about.

It is very possible that your partner will love having sex with another person.  That is ok and will not threaten your relationship.  Generally when we discover something that excites us about a new lover, we try to incorporate that into our own love making.  I should note, you have sex with other swingers, you make love with your partner.  There is a big difference. (This might not apply to every swinger, but it applies to most.)

Many people become very possessive in their relationships.  How many times have you heard women complain that their husband is checking out an attractive woman?  They become annoyed; they feel it is rude.  The same applies to women looking at other men.  It is natural to notice an attractive person and it really does not mean you don’t love your partner.  This simply makes you human.  

Getting married or being in a committed relationship does not stop us from being sexual beings.   It provides us with a partner with whom you can  share your life.  Someone with whom to raise a family.  A person to be by your side through thick and thin.   This is the person with whom you should have sex on a regular basis. 

Being married or committed to another does not mean that you will cease noticing attractive people.  That never changes.  Humans will always fantasize about people they see or meet but it does not change the way you feel about your partner.  Noticing a hot guy does not mean you want to share your life with them.  Checking out a woman with a beautiful body in no way indicates your husband is leaving you to chase after her.

The lifestyle brings people together who do love their partner, but also love to have sex.  Most of these couples are looking for variety.  They are seeking out a way to spice up their sex lives together.  What sets them apart from other couples is that they take this step together.  Rather than one person, or both, sneaking out behind the other’s back, they discuss what is missing and try to find a solution as a couple.  The rewards for handling it this way are immense.

Having an open relationship takes away the need to cheat.  When couples are open and honest it enhances their relationship.  There are no lies or deceptions.

Couples in the lifestyle rediscover the thrill of the hunt.  As a couple, they go out and meet other couples together for sex.   Imagine discussing with your significant other which person appeals to you and to them.  We maintain our relationship with our significant other while exploring our sexuality with others who are also open minded. What a great concept!  

The ability to be this open with your partner is amazing;  no more secret lusting or hiding our attraction to others.   Imagine discussing the experience after the fact while wrapped in each others arms.  Giggling like children about the mishaps that occur from time to time.  It probably surprises vanilla people when they hear that swinging brings you closer to your partner.  The honesty is very liberating and creates a bond that is incredibly strong.

Perhaps those who are quick to  put the lifestyle down should try to understand the concept.  Although we might not choose to live the way that vanilla couples do, we are not judging them.  We have also tried their way and decided it doesn’t fulfill us.  Hopefully in the future, people will stop judging what they do not understand.  We do not need their approval to live our lives in a way we seem fit, but it would be nice if we did not have to live so secretly!

Be sure to check out our new pieces of jewelry:  https://www.swingersjewelry.net/jewelry-for-swingers/

 

Swingers: Why is it a secret that you are in the lifestyle?

 

Woman hiding under a hat wearing Partners ID lifestyle jewelry

 

Here it is, the year 2019!  Happy New Year!

It is normal to end one year and to begin a new one with some self reflection.  What you accomplished, what you did not, and to think ahead to the upcoming year.  Perhaps some of you make new years resolutions.  Whatever the case, it is normal to think about life during this time.

What are you hoping for this new year?

What do you hope this new year will bring?  Obviously, we all want world peace and good health.  Many wish for prosperity and other such things.  This is normal.  While I too, wish for these things, I also find myself continually asking myself about the things that never seem to change.  Sure, politics come to mind but that is another subject entirely.  For me, I cannot help but wonder why swinging is still seen as something taboo.  What on earth are we so ashamed of?

Are people still afraid to let others know that they are in the lifestyle?

Why do swingers feel the need to keep their lifestyle a secret?  I frequently hear swingers say that nobody knows that they are in the lifestyle.  They would die if someone found out.   Why is that?  What do people think when they hear someone they know is a swinger?  It reminds me of the time before I had ever had sex.   I couldn’t imagine how you could face the person you had sex with afterwards.  What would they think after they had seen you in such a compromising way?  How would others see you? Obviously I discovered that these fears were unfounded.  Nobody seemed to look at me any differently, and facing the guy who I was with was no problem.  So what is it that makes us fear discovery?

 What is it that swingers fear about exposure?

Curiousity got the best of me and so I started to ask swingers.  I asked a group of swingers if they are very religious, but they are not.  I wondered if their children were at an age that it would create confusion and uncertainty, but they are not.  Do they think they are doing something criminal or unethical?  They do not.  Hmm.  Would exposure embarrass them?   This question got a nod.   Embarrassed? Why?  In truth, swingers are doing something that most people wish they could do.  They have sex with others and it doesn’t destroy their marriage.  Why?  Because two consenting adults have agreed to enter into this together.  There are no lies or secrets.

Would friends and family alienate you if they found out you were having an affair?

Admitting that you are a swinger should be a lot less traumatic than admitting you are having an affair, no?  After all, one is cheating and lying to someone you say you are in love with, the other is not.  Cheaters sneak around, worrying that they will be caught.   Getting caught would disrupt their lives and the lives of those around them.  Swingers, on the other hand, are out having a great time together.  They are out enjoying parties and events with their significant other.  This is something that others only dream of.

I wonder how many swingers are truly living this lifestyle unbeknownst to their friends and family.  Probably not nearly as many as believe they are.  Often times I watch swingers arrive at a club clad in an over sized trench coat in the middle of the summer.  When I ask these women if their family or neighbors don’t find this strange they say they don’t think so.  Really?  It’s 90 degrees outside and you leave your house or condo wearing a trench coat cinched at the waste with stiletto heels and nobody thinks that’s odd?

What happens to couples who come clean about the lifestyle?

Many swingers have said that when they finally decided to disclose to friends and family that they were swingers, many were not surprised.  Many said they had known about it for years but understood the swinger couple wanted to keep it to themselves.  (If these were the trench coat women, it’s no wonder people knew.)

What about the family and friends who did not suspect this person or couple was in the lifestyle?  What was their reaction?  Were they shocked and appalled?  Not according to the people I have spoken with.  Most said that more than anything, they were curious about swinging.  They asked a lot of questions but did not seem to have a negative reaction.  Many couples said that both friends and many family members (mostly siblings), eventually asked if they could tag along one night to see what it was all about.

Stop apologizing for your lifestyle choices; it’s your life and your decision to make.

Like any other group, in order to gain acceptance, we must learn to stand up for what we believe in.  Swingers should not be ashamed of their lifestyle.  Obviously it is not necessary to divulge what you do when you are at a swing club, or party or other event.  Most people do not give blow by blow (pun intended) details to others about what they do in their bedrooms.  No need to reveal that you participated in a gang bang with 15+ men last Saturday. Nobody needs to know that you tried double penetration for the first time and loved it.  Many swingers don’t swap, and many people in the lifestyle are not swingers.  Enjoying the warm atmosphere that accompanies the lifestyle is a wonderful thing and people should not have to hide from it.

Why do people find it acceptable to learn that many famous couples are swingers?  Why are they held to a different standard than the rest of us.  Because they are famous?   Some are highly influential people and they do not deny that they are swingers.  Famous people frequently answer questions about their lifestyle and seem quite comfortable doing so.

What does wearing lifestyle jewelry actually say about you?

Wearing our jewelry means that you are open minded.  If you think about it, being a part of the lifestyle really doesn’t mean more than that.   If your children or parents told you the same thing, would it concern you?  Although it might surprise you, you would  be happy to see them happy.

When we initially came up with the concept for the jewelry, we had just this vision in mind.  Wear the jewelry with pride.  First of all, others do not know what it means.  Secondly, even if they did, what does it really say about you?  It says that you are an open minded person.

Let’s continue the movement to unite the lifestyle.  People in the lifestyle could really teach others a lot about relationships.  Honesty, respect and fun are the three hallmarks of the lifestyle.  What could be better than that?

To see our collection of lifestyle jewelry click here:  https://www.swingersjewelry.net/jewelry-for-swingers/page/2/

Why are we swingers? The question should be: why aren’t you swingers?

Swingers generally believe that they are keeping their lifestyle a secret.  They go about their lives in the vanilla world with their children and their jobs waiting for the weekends.  Suddenly, as the weekend arrives, these regular Jones change into party animals.  You can spot them by the clothing they wear and the smiles on their faces.  Most swingers I know, anxiously await the time to leave their homes for their night out.

Don’t get me wrong, all through the week swingers are mentally planning their next adventure whether it be a meet and greet, hotel takeover, visit to a swing club or a night at a private party.   Women are planning what they will wear and men are stocking up on their liquor of choice (swing events are almost always bring your own bottle).  They might outwardly appear to be regular people, with regular lives, but come the weekend, all bets are off!

At some point, many swingers come to the realization that perhaps their private life is not such a secret after all.  It might be a family member or close friend who mentions that they have been aware for some time that the two of you are swingers.  It might be the way people look at you or subjects they talk to you about.  Sometimes people will not come right out and confront you but will drop subtle hints hoping you will start the dialogue.  Whatever the case, if you are active in the lifestyle, chances are, some people close to you have figured it out.

Ok, so now someone has confronted you and you figure what the heck, I will fess up.  The first question they are likely to ask is: why are you swingers?

This is the best question ever!  I would probably respond by saying, “How much time do you have?”

The reasons that bring people into the lifestyle are probably not the reasons that keep them there.  Many people enter the lifestyle because they are curious or would like to play out their fantasies or see their partner do something while they watch.  Those are not really the reasons people stay in the lifestyle.   Once you know what is behind that door, if you are like most people, you don’t want to close it!

So why are we swingers?  Let’s see… before we were in the lifestyle, our weekends were pretty predictable.  Friday nights were usually met with the same “what do you want to do tonight” followed by the same question on Saturday night.  It’s not that we didn’t have a social life,  we did, and we had plenty of friends.  However, how many weekends can you spend going out for dinner or a movie?  Parties?  Most parties were for birthdays or holidays, but not really more than that.  When we did have these weekly dinners with friends what did we talk about?  Almost every time we would talk about our children and perhaps work.  Occasionally, something more exciting like a current event or the new nail girl somebody had found.  Thrilling, right?

Enter, the lifestyle…  What do we now do on weekends?  Go to parties or swing clubs every single Friday and Saturday night.  What do we talk about with our lifestyle friends?  Sex!  Well, not just sex, we talk about everything.  Our conversations are open and honest about our lives and our relationships.  Lifestyle friends allow us to speak openly about what we do both in our bedroom and in the backroom.  With these friends we talk about new sex toys and tasty lubes.  We talk about where we shop for our club clothes and stiletto heels.  Often, we talk about what we did with our friends’ husbands and we laugh often!  When we are with our lifestyle friends, we plan lifestyle vacations and outings.  The more friends we meet while there, the better!  We have sleepovers and weekday excursions whenever possible.

Why are we swingers?  Because our lives have never been more fun or full!  It is like being a teenager all over again but without all the drama!  We dance and party until all hours of the night and whatever  we do on any given night is over when we walk out the door.  It becomes a fun memory to be rehashed over breakfast with our significant other the next morning.  There is nothing quite like sharing a naughty secret with your significant other!  The looks you give each other and the snickers between the two of you are priceless.  You become partners in crime and it does wonders for a relationship.

The lifestyle is all about fun!  So the next time someone discovers you are a swinger and they ask why, I would ask them “why not?!”

Vanilla friends vs. lifestyle friends; who is more fun?

Woman wearing Partners ID bracelet bored by vanilla conversation
Bored woman wearing Partners ID bracelet

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I love our vanilla friends, really, I do, but a night with them can be very long!

Vanilla friends are great.  We have had some vanilla friends for many years and although they might suspect we are in the lifestyle (or something, they’re not sure exactly what we are up to), we have never spoken about it with them.

We try to go out from time to time with our vanilla friends as we hold them dear and do not want to lose their friendship.  However, as much as I like them, spending too much time with them can be a drag.  The conversations can sometimes seem so pointless and boring that I stop paying attention and my mind wanders.  I find myself wondering if they still have sex, if they still enjoy it, if she dresses up for him, etc.  

Finally, at one point during the evening, one of the men tells a joke.  The joke is:  ‘How does a man know if he needs to take Viagra?’  The answer: ‘Just put him in a room with a hot, naked, younger woman and he will know right away.’

As soon as he finished telling the joke, he apologized and explained that it is really just meant for men to hear.  (You can imagine my expression.)  I told him that I disagreed with both the joke and the notion that women shouldn’t hear it.  My husband was cringing and poking my leg, trying to subtly remind me that we were with vanilla folk.  I explained that the joke could be used for women as well.  Put a young, hot naked guy in a room with a middle aged woman and see if she gets turned on.  The first comment from vanilla man:  Women don’t have to get an erection to have sex so it doesn’t make sense.  I pointed out that women have to get wet and he quickly told me that this is what lube is for.  I started to explain that it might surprise him that women can get wet when turned on but realized better to avoid this conversation altogether.  

The other part of this joke that I disagreed with was the notion that you put a married, middle aged man (who may or may not need Viagra) with a young, naked woman and he will instantly get an erection.  As most of us have seen in the lifestyle, it rarely works like that.  Nothing seems to kill an erection like a situation such as this.  When men feel the pressure to perform, this is when he most likely will need that Viagra.  Most men who are new to swinging will tell you they never missed an erection until they found themselves in this situation.  I did not share this information with the group.

That was the only time anything interesting was spoken about.  I am not a complete pervert and do not need to talk about sex to find a conversation interesting, but here are a few of the other topics we touched on that evening:  What time we go to bed and wake up, the moon, our children, fabrics for sofas, driving too fast, cars, how iguanas are now visible around our neighborhood, etc.  There were times when I thought the conversation might become more titillating, but it never took that direction.

Some of these couples spend several nights each week together and I wondered what on earth they talk about.   I wanted to try to provoke them by bringing up a spicier topic but was afraid it was the alcohol and chose to keep quiet.   I do remember one time in the past asking them if their children ever spoke with them about sex.  It was like a tennis match where everyone’s head turned in unison to look at me.  Not really, they all agreed.  They didn’t even ask if mine do…

Although I do like my vanilla friends, they are nice people and I enjoy seeing them from time to time, I much prefer my lifestyle friends.  Our conversations are never dull and I never feel like I have to filter what I want to say.  We talk about everything and anything.  We share hilarious stories about the lifestyle and swinging, we compare notes about toys, we try on each others slut wear and shoes and we share our husbands.  We went to a restaurant with lifestyle friends recently and we switched husbands for the evening.  I was her husband’s date and my friend was my husband’s date.  It was silly but fun.  

We have conversations about double penetration, gang bangs, girl on girl sex, mishaps with condoms, bi sexual men, the nude beach, etc.  There is nothing boring about these topics.  Sure, we talk about our kids and business, but it is not limited to topics such as those.

This is one of many perks of being apart of the lifestyle.  There are no taboo topics, nobody is embarrassed by sexual conversations and gatherings are never boring.  I can remember not long ago, a friend of ours was telling a story about a party he went to and thought he got his dick stuck in a girls ass.  I can’t remember the last time I laughed so hard.

Life is too short to be uptight.  Let your hair down and do what makes you happy.  It’s ok to be silly and sexy, after all, you’re not hurting anyone.  I am not saying that my vanilla friends aren’t happy, they seem to be, but I truly believe that the freedom lifestyle couples discover, leads to increased happiness.  Try it!

Is swinging merely friends expressing their friendship sexually?

Swinger friends on the beach wearing Partners ID jewelry
Swinger friends on the beach wearing Partners ID jewelry

 

 

 

Is swinging merely friends expressing their friendship sexually?

We get a lot of emails not only our customers, but from people who are curious about swinging. We recently received an email from someone who could not understand the dynamics of swinging. Sadly, like so many people who are not in the lifestyle, they wondered if every friendship swingers enter into was ultimately with the hope of swinging.

I can hear every swinger around the world groaning, and believe me, I feel your pain. First of all, swingers are not sexual deviants disguised as normal people. (Perhaps some are, but not most.) Even when swingers go to a swing club, lifestyle resort or party, most are not open to playing with everyone at the club or event. Just like vanilla people, swingers choose to be with people that turn them on. Believe it or not, even if they find a vanilla friend or coworker attractive, they will not pursue them for sex. It simply does not work like this.

I remember my husband confiding in a close vanilla friend, years ago, that we were in the lifestyle. What do you think his first question was? He wanted to know if my husband and I had talked about having sex with he and his wife. Now this was awkward. The truth is, we had never even thought about it. They are nice people, but since they are not swingers, it never came up in conversation. Believe it or not, he seemed insulted by the answer. Who’s crazy now?

What we discovered is that although vanilla people don’t want you to hit on them, they want to believe that you would be sexually attracted to them if they were swingers. (Shaking my head.)
The second question was whether or not we had interest in anyone in our circle of vanilla friends. Again, no, we never thought about it.

Swingers will tell you that if they do not get a radar reading about another person or couple being active in the lifestyle, chance are, they are not thinking about having sex with them. That is not to say that swingers never fantasize about friends and coworkers, but that is different from contemplating hitting on them!

Back to the original question: is swinging merely friends expressing their friendship sexually?

Many swingers have lifestyle friends that they do not have sex with. They enjoy their company, as you would any vanilla friend, but they are not attracted to each other. Sometimes you are strictly sexually attracted to a couple but have nothing else in common. You play with them but do not seek them out socially. Swinging is a lot like dating. With some people you hit it off and the chemistry is right so there is sex. With others, there is no chemistry, but yet you enjoy each other’s company so perhaps remain friends. Still then, there are people with whom you have chemistry with but little else in common.

Swinging is really not such a complicated phenomenon. Perhaps the easiest way to think about swinging is like dating for couples. Dating for swingers, however, at times seems like the opposite progression from actual dating. Couples seek out other couples for sex. Sometimes you all enjoy each other’s company and a friendship is born; other times you remain acquaintances and say a quick hello when you see each other. Some couples prefer to follow the same pattern as regular dating: they like to meet couples that they have something in common with and then have sex. The problem is when you are dealing with four personalities, it can be much more complicated to find a good match where everyone is happy.
For this reason, many couples simply look for the sexual chemistry first and the friendship second.

If swinging were merely friends expressing their friendship sexually, swingers would be having sex with all of their lifestyle friends and they are not. What is different about friendships within the lifestyle is that they are sexual in nature. Swingers talk freely about sex and are not shy to be naked in front of each other. What brings them together as friends is their uninhibited attitudes.

For those of you who are asking about the lifestyle I encourage you to check it out. The worst case scenario is that it is not for you. At least this way you know what it is all about and whether or not it is something that interests you. I will say that for people who are curious enough to ask about it, chances are the lifestyle is something you will enjoy!

If sex and nudity are natural, why then do both make people so uncomfortable?

Woman removing panties for sex wearing Partners ID jewelry
Woman removing panties wearing Partners ID jewelry

 

 


Why are Americans so shy when it comes to sex?  Let’s face it, if people were not having sex, we wouldn’t be here.  When you think about it, it is surprising that pregnant women are not trying to cover up when they start to show, after all, everyone who sees them will know they had sex!  What must their parents think?  At this point you are thinking this is silly, right?   We are proud and happy when our children, grandchildren, siblings and friends are expecting; we don’t think about sex when it comes to pregnancy.  It is a beautiful thing!  Yes, it is, but so is sex and so is a naked body.  Even the names of our body parts embarrass us! You rarely hear people speak of their penis or vagina. Certainly over the course of your life you have had reason to mention them to others, no?  If the title of this article had the word vagina in it, people might be embarrassed if someone saw that they were stopping to read the article.  It seems that this is more of an American hangup (when compared to most European countries and Canada). Why are we so shy?  When does this start?

From the time we are children we are taught that our “private parts” are, well, private.  We shouldn’t touch them or talk about them and most definitely, we should never let anyone see or touch them.  It is understandable with all the sick people in the world that parents want to protect their children from harm, but are they doing them a disservice?  I would bet that most American parents feel justified and think this is the best way to protect their children.  Perhaps it is, but wouldn’t it be healthier to adopt a more casual approach toward teaching children about their bodies?  Allowing children to see their parents naked would probably help them to know that nudity is not something to be ashamed of.  Many times you will see children with their parents at a nude beach yet they are almost never American.  European women think nothing of taking off their bathing suit tops yet American’s are very shy at the notion.

I happen to catch the show “Project Runway” recently and the models for the challenge were nudists and the contestants had to design an outfit that would keep them warm but that they would feel comfortable wearing.  When the models were called in, they were naked.  I could not believe how uncomfortable the contestants were!  The models were completely relaxed and had no compunction standing naked while they discussed clothing options.  When they left the contestants were in shock!  Why?  Had they never seen a naked body before?  When you consider this, it really is not normal.

The same situation exists when talking about sex.  Obviously, at some point in time, everyone will have sex.  We have sex education classes in school yet somehow we never actually talk about sex.  We talk about conception in terms of sperm and eggs but never penis and vagina.  We learn about fallopian tubes, the uterus and ovaries but never about the clitoris or g-spot.  We learn that a male will get an erection but never about the pleasure both male and female will experience during intercourse.  Orgasm, let’s get real, that word never came up in class.

Parents usually at realize they must have “the talk” with their children at some point,  but what are they actually talking about it?  Besides giving them information about pregnancy and STDs, do they explain anything further?  Most do not.  No discussion about what feels good or how it is normal to touch yourself.  Their embarrassment simply tells us that sex is something so embarrassing, that they cannot really discuss it with us.  Most kids would agree that their parents seemed elated when “the talk” was finished and you had no questions.

I can remember as a child taking a field trip to the zoo.  The monkeys started having sex as our group of fifth graders were being led by their caged area.  The guide told us not to stop and to hurry past the cages.  He was very embarrassed and refused to let us stop to see the exhibit.   He called them naughty monkeys and chided them through the cage as he moved us past them.  What kind of message was he sending us?   Back at school when we questioned our teacher about it, she told us the monkeys were being silly.  Silly?  Would it not have been more educational to say they were doing something natural?

This might explain why even as adults, people rarely talk about sex.  Before entering the lifestyle, when we spent all of our time with vanilla friends, it was rare that we talked about sex.  If we did, it was joking around about a funny incident such as having the kids walk in on us or trying to find time when the kids weren’t around, etc..  We never spoke about specifics or laughed about new toys.  If we spoke about our new passion for anal sex I’m not sure we would have ever seen any of these “friends” again.   The nice thing about lifestyle friends is that you do talk about sex and nothing is off limits.

We certainly are not born thinking there is shame in our naked bodies so where and why do we learn this?  We know that by the time puberty hits we go to great lengths to keep our bodies to ourselves as we are somewhat ashamed of the changes taking place. We can all remember the difficulty of changing for gym class and can now look back and wonder why our parents and educators did not attempt to lessen our discomfort with some education.  Sure, we learned about puberty, but laughed about it through every class with intense embarrassment.

What is it about our naked bodies that make us so uncomfortable?  I imagine for women it is their perception that they have less than perfect bodies, and when exposed, everyone can see their flaws (whether real or imagined).  For men, perhaps it is a combination of the size of their penis, and how they measure up to other men.  It is also perhaps the fear of arousal while exposed (at an inappropriate moment).  This is a possibility for men mostly because they are not used to being naked and seeing others naked.  Like anything else, they would be desensitized if being naked were not so taboo.  When you spend time at a nude beach, it is rare to see a man with an erection.  Even when you do, most people would agree, it is not a big deal as we have all seen it before!

When you become part of the lifestyle, you discover how liberating it is to get past this.  You learn to undress in front of others and discover that nobody is pointing and laughing.  Regardless of body size and type, hair or no, tattoos, piercings and scars, nobody is ever pointing or laughing.  Taking your clothing off in front of your friends at a nude beach or resort is incredibly liberating!  To feel the warmth of the sun on your entire body is worth the risk of the momentary pang of discomfort the first time you undress in public.  You will also discover that it feels very normal when everyone is also naked. The conversations about sex and your personal sex life will become a part of your life as well.  When you realize how liberating the lifestyle is you will wonder how people can go through their entire life covering up some of the most genuine things about themselves.  Sex is something beautiful and natural and talking about it is normal!  When you swing you also begin to see sex as something beautiful even when it is shared.  Society is so rigid in its beliefs about monogamy and clothing that it keeps us from truly acting in a way that is perhaps more natural than we realize.  Maybe the monkeys are right in the way they behave.  They act on instinct and seem to be just fine the way they are.  Do they really need humans to tell them what is right and to make them feel ashamed?  I personally prefer the attitudes I have discovered from the lifestyle.  How very liberating to finally be comfortable in my own skin and with my sexuality!

“Plays well with others” is a good way to describe swingers.

 

Woman wearing Partners ID jewelry holding a white board
Woman wearing Partners ID jewelry holding a white board

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Dear Partners ID,

You recently published a blog discussing the possibility that the word “swinger” has become outdated. I really couldn’t agree more. I have been in the lifestyle for almost 20 years with 3 different partners and have never referred to myself as a swinger. I once asked a friend of mine (she is not in the lifestyle) what comes to mind when I say the word swinger. She said that she gets a mental image of a group of 60 year olds having an orgy and that it’s not a pretty picture.

Last year I purchased a few pieces of your jewelry. I kept one for myself, gave one to my significant other and gave the other 2 as host and hostess gifts at a party we attended. When we presented them with the gifts we were also wearing our pieces. They opened the boxes in front of the other guests and they were excited to see the jewelry. One of the guests was unfamiliar with the symbol and asked what it meant. I turned to him and said, “It means we play well with others.” Isn’t that really what it means? In any context that you put that in, people in the lifestyle truly do play well with others.

It would be wonderful to see people in the lifestyle strive to change the term to something more contemporary.  Some people have discussed simply saying that you are in an open relationship or an open marriage, but for me, these terms also indicate something of a sexual nature.   If you were to explain to someone that you are open-minded, there would be no negative image attached to it. It would not tell people anything about your sex life or your sexual orientation. It would simply let them know that you are approachable and nonjudgemental. Nothing wrong with that!

Have a good day and thanks for listening!

Dahlia
Sugarland, TX