Jealousy; why do some people suffer with this while others seem immune?

Jealous woman
Jealous woman sitting at bar with her husband flirting in the background

 

What is jealousy?

According to dictionary.com, jealousy is defined as the following:

1.jealous resentment against a rival, a person enjoying success or advantage, etc., or against another’s success or advantage itself.
2.mental uneasiness from suspicion or fear of rivalry, unfaithfulness, etc., as in love or aims.
3.vigilance in maintaining or guarding something.
4.a jealous feeling, disposition, state, or mood.

 

Are some people more prone to feeling jealous?

It certainly seems that some people really struggle with jealousy issues, while others seem immune. The lifestyle is absolutely an environment where jealousy can really come into play. Perhaps the ability to control or avoid jealousy stems from our upbringing. When parents teach their children not to compare themselves with others, this is a healthy way to teach self confidence.

Teaching children to treat others in a way they would like to be treated can also go a long way in helping. If children are taught to understand that their kindness and empathy for others is important, they will learn to practice this. When people grow up with the understanding that they should follow the “Golden Rule”: ‘do unto others as you would have them do unto you,’ it goes a long way to understanding how to treat others.

 

Why do some people have such issues with this? Is it because they don’t feel good about themselves?

Why is it that some people have no problem with jealousy, while others really suffer with this? Although we tend to think jealousy stems from a lack of self confidence, in fact, it really has little to do with this. Jealousy usually occurs when you do not have confidence in the other person. If your partner thinks about his or herself first, this can become a problem. If your partner, on the other hand, always seems to consider how you are feeling, it goes a long way to making you feel relaxed and secure. Even for those who struggle with low self esteem, if your partner is always complimenting you and making you feel good about yourself, you will eventually come to trust that your partner feels attracted to you. Swinging can bring up serious issues about insecurity. If your partner gives you the confidence to feel good about yourself, this will go a long way in helping to curb any jealous feelings.

 

Communication between a couple will go along way to helping to avoid any jealous feelings.

The lifestyle is obviously not for everyone. Couples who choose to swing must have a very solid relationship. Couples who have this strong bond are very open with each other about what works for them and what does not. Communication is key to success in the lifestyle. If one partner has any doubts about why their partner wants to swing, this could lead to disaster. Before attempting to swing, couples should discuss what they are comfortable with. If one person is afraid they might feel jealous, the couple should address this ahead of time to try to understand why. They should then figure out how to eliminate any doubts from the person’s mind about the reasons their partner wants to swing. The jealous partner will never be the one to seek out the lifestyle; they will be the one who goes along.

 

Does it mean that you love a person more if seeing them with someone else makes you jealous?

Actually, it has nothing to do with that. Jealousy can become a problem for anyone if they do not trust their partner. It does not matter if you are a swinger or not. If your partner does not make you feel secure, jealousy is the result. You begin to question their motives, especially in the lifestyle.

 

How can we learn to either avoid it or eliminate jealous feelings?

When you are a swinger, if your partner always consults with you regarding what you would like or who you would like to play with, there would be no reason to feel jealous. If your partner keeps checking in to make sure you are happy and comfortable, you feel they care about you. How could you feel jealous when someone makes you a priority?

When you take the attitude that what is good for you, is good for your partner, it helps keep you balanced. If you want your partner to treat you a certain way, you should first treat your partner that way. It starts at the very beginning of any evening. When you take time to get dressed and look your best, if your partner says nothing, you wonder if maybe you don’t look great. You start to second guess your hair, what you are wearing, etc. If, on the other hand, your partner takes notice and tells you how nice you look, the night will start off on a better note.

If your partner grabs your hand while you are talking to other couples, it makes you feel united. When they pay you a compliment in front of others, it also makes you feel special. Going that little extra distance will make any partner feel special and important. Imagine if everyone took a moment out of their night to tune in to the person they are with to let them know how special they are. Maybe an unexpected kiss or touch; it goes a long way to making your partner feel loved. When you feel loved and secure, there is never a reason to feel jealous.

Communicating the reason you swing to your partner will also help to avoid jealous feelings. When you remind them that they are your priority, it helps them to accept seeing you play with someone else. When you take the time to tell you partner that swinging is for the moment, that they are your partner and you will go home together, it makes a big difference. When you are playing with someone else, a simple touch or kiss with your partner reminds them that you are there for them all the time. It tells them that even though you are playing with someone else, they are still thinking about you.

 

Can we learn to turn off jealous feelings?

If a couple takes the time to practice these tips, there should be no reason for anyone to feel jealous. Just remember, the next time you want to leer at someone you are interested in or disregard your partner’s lack of desire to play with another couple that you are not thinking about them. If one person is always thinking about themselves, jealousy will come into play for their partner.

Always remember that what is good for you, is good for your partner. If you treat your partner in a way that is respectful and loving, you give them no reason to feel jealous. It’s that simple.

A lifestyle story from a swinger that is sure to make you cringe!

Naked woman in the lifestyle wearing Partners ID jewelry
Naked woman in the lifestyle wearing Partners ID jewelry

Dear Partners ID,

I read the story about the couple from New York who walked in half naked to their own surprise party and it brought back memories of our own nightmare. I think this story is at least as cringe worthy.

My husband and I had been in the lifestyle for about 5 years. We spent at least two days a week at the swing club near our home (about 20 miles), and were very comfortable there. The club was not large but it did attract a good crowd most nights.

We were heavy into swinging and went into the playroom almost every night we were in the club. Spending this much time in this club, we knew most of the people who came to the club and some of us were very friendly.

It was Halloween and for this club, it was always a very busy night. It was rare to see someone come to this club and not wear a costume. Some people were so dressed up, we could not tell who they were.

This particular night, a couple that we were very close with was in the club. My husband took the woman to dance and I walked over to a couch with the woman’s husband. We immediately started to kiss and fondle each other and things got hot quickly. He bent me over the side of the couch, lifted my costume and started to lick my pussy from behind.  Soon I could feel an extra set of hands caressing my breasts. I figured it was either my husband or the man who was nearby when we sat down on the couch. Before I knew it, the man is rubbing my clit while the other guy is eating me out and I have a very intense orgasm. I turned to kiss the man to say thank you for joining in when I realized who he was. It was my sister’s husband! My brother in law! OMG!

Needless to say I was completely shocked and traumatized! Our costumes made it difficult to see our faces so neither of us realized until after the fact.

Today the four of us laugh about it and my husband and sister are always joking that it is their turn.

By the way, I love the necklace you custom made for me, it’s perfect!

Kisses!
Dina and Joe
Swingers from Atlanta, GA

If you are looking for the perfect holiday gift, now is the time to order custom made lifestyle jewelry!  Shop here: https://www.swingersjewelry.net/jewelry-for-swingers/

Rock stars are in the lifestyle too; here is a customer’s story.

Rock star wearing Partners ID necklace
Rock star wearing Partners ID necklace

Dear Partners ID,

This is a quickie that we think you’ll enjoy. My hubby and I have been in the lifestyle for over 4 years. We have met many couples in our everyday life over the years that we have wondered about but never came right out and asked. We have tried many times to “discover” which one of our friends or neighbors might be swingers through conversations but it never led to a confession from any of them.

We have your jewelry and love both the design and the concept. We went to a concert one night with friends of ours and were very excited because we had second-row seats. During the concert, I realized the lead guitarist was wearing your jewelry! I couldn’t believe it! I tried several times to catch his attention to point to my own necklace but I wasn’t sure if he could see us with all the lights. Finally, the lights went down for a solo so I took out my phone and used the flashlight to shine on my necklace. It took awhile but he finally spotted us and gave us the thumbs up. Of course, my friend was watching and she was very curious. I told her I’d tell her later (really having no clue what I would say).

At the encore performance, a security guard came over to us and handed us a note. It was from the lead guitarist! He asked us to come backstage after the concert! It was like I was dreaming. Now I really had to say something to my friends because they would have to come with us.

We told them the necklace is a symbol of being open-minded. We got it when we went to Jamaica because we thought it was a cool concept. Right there, they were like, “OMG you went to Hedo!”

Turns out, they are pretty new to the lifestyle but have had some experiences with people they know. They were interested in going to Hedonism and had read about it online. They also said they had wondered about us as possible swingers!

Anyway, we met the guitarist who was super nice and very cool. We hung out with him for a bit and we exchanged emails. It was incredibly surreal to be backstage with a well-known band!
Oh, and I did kiss his wife…

Long story short, we bought our friends some jewelry for the holidays and we have since discovered there is a swing club not too far from where we live. We are planning for all 4 of us to go next weekend.

Thanks for the jewelry! It’s such a great idea and it really does work!

Kisses!
Brittany and Joe

Marietta, GA

Halloween in the lifestyle; why wearing a costume could help make your night the best ever!

Sexy swinger dressed for Halloween with Partners ID necklace
Sexy swinger dressed for Halloween with Partners ID necklace

Boo!

Halloween will be here before you know it!  What are you planning to dress up as this year?  A policeman, Little Red Ridinghood maybe a schoolgirl?

People frequently ask us what we will be dressed as for Halloween.  Naturally, our answer is always the same; swingers of course!  No, we are not party poopers and we have come up with some pretty clever costume ideas over the years.  What we have noticed, is that there are many people who take this opportunity to dress up in a way that makes them unrecognizable to others.  We believe that there is a reason they do this.
Some people in the lifestyle are extremely outgoing and have no problem approaching other couples.  Every chance they get, they mingle and flirt and generally know most of the people at any party by the end of the evening.  Then there are others who are too shy or insecure to approach other couples.  This makes Halloween the perfect opportunity for them to come out of their shells by hiding behind a costume.
Think about it, if you are wearing a mask and people cannot identify you, do you not feel bolder?   If you approach a couple and you are wearing a mask, chances are they will be very friendly because they are not sure whether or not they know you.  This is exactly what we have observed occurring every Halloween.  There are always a few couples wearing the kind of costume that makes it impossible to guess who they are.  It is very possible that some of these masked guests are new to the lifestyle. They are taking the opportunity to visit a swing club and remain anonymous.

Whatever the case, if you are one of those “shy” people, perhaps this is the perfect time for you to take advantage and go after what you want!  There are women in the lifestyle who always wear a wig when they are at a lifestyle event.  They claim they have more confidence because people do not recognize them and they like it that way.  Costumes are also a good conversation starter.  Complimenting others on how clever they are or how perfect their costume, makes it easy to open the dialogue.  Once you have begun a conversation it is easy to introduce yourselves and ask the other couple questions about themselves.

 The other fascinating part of dressing up for Halloween is noticing costume choices.  I cannot help but observe that some of the quieter more shy couples take advantage of this holiday by wearing outrageous costumes.  Some choose very provocative, sexy costumes.  Many of the timid girls tend to go for the slutty look and the men frequently focus on calling attention to their genitals in one way or another.  It always makes me wonder if they wish they could be more sexually open on regular lifestyle nights.
Even the play areas during Halloween seem busier than usual.  Many couples keep their masks on, and again, seem more determined than usual, to go after what they what.  Somehow, the use of masks in the play area is reminiscent of the movie Eyes Wide Shut ( a 1999 erotic drama film) starring Tom Cruise.
Whatever the case may be, whatever your costume of choice, tonight is the night to be bold and go for what you want.  Costumes allow us all the freedom to be someone else for an evening.  What could be more liberating than that?
Don’t forget to wear your lifestyle jewelry so even though others might not recognize you, they will recognize your jewelry!  Find it here:  https://www.swingersjewelry.net

Our jewelry helps a couple in France discover something exciting!

French couple wearing Partners ID jewelry on the beach
French couple wearing Partners ID jewelry on the beach

We love hearing from everyone all around the world about their successes wearing the jewelry. This is a letter we received from a customer about her experience with the jewelry.  It was written both in English and French and we included our response in both English and French underneath. Keep the emails coming!

Salut Partners ID,

I just wanted to drop you a line and let you know how well the jewelry works! Such a simple concept with such a great result!

I was born and raised in America, but after college I met a man and moved to the south of France with him. We lived there for 15 years. Part of my initial attraction to him was the sexual chemistry that we had (and of course his sexy French accent). It was intense and lasted quite awhile but something was always missing.

We always spend several weeks each summer at Cap D’agde (a very popular nudist and swinger village), and we always have a good time.  We spend our days naked on the beach, drink cocktails at sundown, have dinner and hit the clubs. We play mostly together, which is fine by me, but still something was missing (in my life).

It was during our last trip to Cap D’agde that we discovered your jewelry. We had seen many other couples wearing it and decided to buy pieces for ourselves. The very day I slipped on the necklace, I was alone at the beach when a woman approached me. She, too, was wearing your necklace so I knew that she was a swinger. She introduced herself and sat on the edge of my blanket. As we talked, she gently touched my leg. It was like an electric shock ran through me. She could immediately sense my response as my erect nipples were hard to hide. We sat and talked for about an hour and agreed to meet with our husbands later on at a club.

As I lay in the sun on the beach I considered my response to her touch. I had never played with another woman but the very thought of it made me extremely horny. One of the things I most enjoyed about the American club we had visited was watching women play together.  It is not as common here and I always found it a turn on.   I packed up my beach gear and rushed back to the room to talk with my husband. I told him about the beach and he laughed. We have a very open marriage and he was happy at the thought of seeing me play with another woman. We had been swinging for years but I never really had the opportunity to play with another woman.

Needless to say, that evening was the most memorable of my entire adult life. I realized that what was missing from my life was another woman! I didn’t realize that I was bisexual before. We were able to get together a few times before she left to go home to Germany and she promised to look us up when she came to the states.

Had I not been wearing the jewelry, this would never have happened. It has opened a door for me that might never have been opened, and I am grateful that this happened!

The jewelry is really beautiful and very easy to spot! As I mentioned, it is quite popular in France and now that we are back home in the states, we plan to wear it all the time.

Merci et bisous à vous!

Danielle y Marcel

Cher Danielle y Marcel,

Merci sincerement ,a tout ceux et celles qui prennent le temps de nous partager leurs enthousiasmes ,concernant notre creation de bijous libertin.Nous sommes tres fier du resultat positif ,car seulement après 2 ans de lancement ,nous recevons continuellement des temoignages encourageants comme les votres a cette effet et ce de partout dans le monde ,aussi loin que de l Australie a Dubail,du Japon a l Afrique Du Sud,d Israel passant par l Europe juste qu en Amerique du Nord ainsi que d Argentine aux Indes.Nous apprecions grandement vos commantaire ,qui nous aident a amiliorer de jour en jour, nos produits destines au monde libertin. A+

(Thank you sincerely, to all of you who take the time to share your enthusiasm concerning our creation of lifestyle jewelry. We are very proud of the positive result!  It has now been 4 years since launching the line and we continuously receive encouraging testimonials like yours about its success from all over the world. We hear from people from as far away as Australia to Dubai, Japan to South Africa, Israel passing through Europe, in North America as well as Argentina to India. We greatly appreciate your commentaries, which help us to improve from day to day. Our products are destined to be for everyone in the lifestyle all around the world.)

Turns out, a Maryland cop who stopped our customer​ is a swinger too!

Woman with Partners ID bracelet taking a card from a policeman
Woman with Partners ID bracelet taking a card from a policeman

We read all of your stories about how people have met other swingers by wearing your jewelry and I want to share what happened to me.

I purchased a bracelet from you a few months ago but don’t wear it all of the time. I usually wear it when we go out at night to pubs and such but never thought to wear it during the day.

Last weekend we went out with some swinger friends and had a bit too much to drink. We were in no condition to drive home so we all piled into a cab and went to our friend’s house for the night. The next morning, my hubby and his buddy were busy doing some work around his buddy’s house so I asked his wife to please drive me back to the pub to pick up our car.

Before heading back to get my hubby, I stopped at the pharmacy to pick up some aspirin as my head was pounding from all of the alcohol. I was driving back toward my friend’s house when all of the sudden I see the flashing blue lights behind me. I pulled over and waited for the cop to tell me what the hell I did wrong. He walks over and tells me I was doing 72 mph in a 40 mph zone. Oops! My bad! I hadn’t even realized I was driving that fast. He asks me for my license and registration and when I reach out of the window to hand it to him he starts to smile. I have no idea what his problem is but I’m happy to see him smiling! He puts his hand in his pocket and pulls out a set of keys and there was the key ring with the pendant on it! How lucky am I???

Needless to say, he did not give me a ticket but did tell me about a swing club about 40 miles away that he goes to with his girlfriend. He gave me his card and said if my hubby and I would like to meet them at this club one night to text him and let him know.

I am going to text him soon and set up a date to meet him (he was very cute), but more importantly, I didn’t get a ticket!

I now consider this my lucky bracelet! Had I not stayed over at a friend’s house the night before, I would not have been wearing it!  I now wear the bracelet all the time because you really never know!

Hope it brings everyone else as much luck as it has brought me!

xoxox
Tammie

Baltimore, MD

Clearly nobody told swingers that age 37 is too old to go to a night club!

Couples in night club wearing Partners ID jewelry

Over breakfast this morning, as is my habit, I scanned online articles looking for one of interest.   I came across an article discussing how old the writer believes is too old to go to a nightclub.   Wondering just how shocked I would find the answer, I opened it up and scrolled down to find the magic number.

Ok, play along and think of what age this survey came up with. I will admit, this number came as a bit of shock to me. Ready?  Surprisingly, the age was 37!   The article explains that people over the age of 37 are too old to go to a nightclub.  It goes on to say that the majority of people over the age of 30 would simply prefer to stay home.

Obviously, these people are not in the lifestyle. Not only the ones who are too old at 37 to go clubbing but also the ones over 30 who prefer to stay home. For those of you who are not in the lifestyle, I can assure you that neither of these statistics applies to swing clubs.

In light of these statistics, clearly, swingers did not get this memo.  The majority of people at a swing club are over the age of 40.  Although there are many people under age 40, they do not make up the majority.

Why are swing clubs so appealing to the “older crowd”?  In the past, swing clubs were the playgrounds for older, married couples.  Today, with this group of people who feel too old for night clubs, this has completely changed.

Due to the above finding, perhaps seeking out an age-appropriate alternative is what forces people to look for something different.  This is understandable, but why go to a swing club, especially if you are not a swinger?

For those who have been to a swing club, the difference is clear immediately.  First of all, people in swing clubs are friendly. It is very easy to meet other people. I can’t say the same about a night club. Most night clubs are filled with very young people who prefer to take selfies than to mingle.

Swing clubs are designed to provide maximum comfort for their customers. In a nightclub, it can be very difficult to get a drink. It seems they never have an adequate number of bartenders to serve their customers. Swing clubs often boast more than one bar and generally have attendants serving customers from their seats around the club. No need to fight the crowds to get a drink.
In general, swing clubs offer dinner and some even serve breakfast, which is included in the price of entry. Many swing clubs require you to bring your own bottle. This means your drinks are made exactly how you like them.  Unlike most bars and clubs, no skimping on the liquor as the bottle belongs to you.

Swing clubs are always members-only clubs. This allows them to have every guest register at the front desk with their identification. It’s comforting to know that there are no strangers.

The majority of swing clubs have theme nights and party nights. This creates an atmosphere of cohesion and celebration. There are also contests and often raffles and giveaways. Swing clubs work hard to bring people together and they make it easy each other.

For the most part, swing clubs attract people who are looking to meet others. Most people are friendly and warm. It is not uncommon for people to offer to make room on a couch to allow more people to squeeze in. Night clubs are not known for their warm and fuzzy atmosphere, while swing clubs are.

Obviously, swing clubs are more erotic and sexual than a regular night club. Although you will see some degree of sexy dancing and interacting at a nightclub, you cannot compare that to what you can see in a swing club. The main difference is that the interactions are often between couples.

With this in mind,  if the twenty-something crowd spent a night in a swing club, they would age out sooner. Swing clubs allow people to enjoy themselves without judgment. You can dress as sexy as you like at any age without judgment from others. If you watch the dance floor, you will see couples joining each other mid-dance and couples bringing singles in to join them as well.

Swing clubs boast an atmosphere of inclusion and warmth. It is kind of a hands-on “Cheers” environment. It’s a place where if you are a regular, everybody knows your name. Unlike most clubs, strangers are met with a hug or a kiss.

In view of this,  why would anyone choose a night club? And I only talked about what happens in the front of the club….

Be sure to check out our lifestyle jewelry here:  https://www.swingersjewelry.net/jewelry-for-swingers/

This is the only way to know who else is in the lifestyle without having to ask…

The lifestyle is not a cult, we do not recruit people. Is this what our vanilla friends are afraid of?

Friend backing up

Most people who are in the lifestyle go to great lengths to keep it a secret.  They do not want to reveal this to family, friends or coworkers. People in the lifestyle would agree that the majority of people in their lives would not understand. 

This is not hard to believe as people can be very judgmental, especially about things that they do not understand.  What I cannot wrap my head around are the stories about the way “friends” react if they are told.

I have heard many stories about people who told a close friend and the friend turned their back.  Some prior friends go as far as to spread the word to others, while some simply ostracize the individual or couple who divulge their secret. 

The first thing that comes to mind is the fact that these people clearly thought these were close, trustworthy friends.  Nobody goes around mentioning this kind of private detail about their life to mere acquaintances. 

It makes me think about my friends; what could they tell me about themselves that would make me turn my back on them?  That they murdered someone?  That they destroyed someone’s life?  Stole someone’s money?  Hurt someone’s children?  Whatever it might be, it would have to be something really horrific.  

How many times have people revealed to a friend that they were having an affair?  I don’t recall hearing that their friends deserted them when they were told.  Why then is it acceptable to reject a friend for a lifestyle choice that he or she has made?  

The lifestyle is not a cult, we do not recruit people.  Is that what people are afraid of?  That we will try to convert them? Do people imagine that swingers have no self -control and they will hit on everyone they know?  That our friends are no longer safe around us because we cannot control our desire for sex?

Honestly, when you think about it, it makes no sense.  Why have we evolved so much in every other arena when it comes to accepting human sexuality, except for swingers?  People applaud transgender people for opening up and doing what is right for them.  The gay and lesbian community is stronger than ever and they no longer feel the need to hide.  Heck, NY has a list of 33 acceptable genders and people are not ok with swingers?  

I once asked a friend (yes, she knows we are in the lifestyle and she is still my friend.  She is also a psychologist) if she has any idea as to what it is that makes people so afraid.  I say afraid because I honestly have no other explanation for the way people react to swingers.  

She believes that most people are so insecure about their own lives and relationships that the thought of opening themselves up to others was too much to think about.  Her belief is that it is probably more often a female friend who turns their back while men might become curious.  All of the sudden, a close female friend is sexualizing herself and an insecure woman might  see this as a threat to her own relationship.  The fear is that if  her husband or boyfriend knows, he will find this friend suddenly more appealing.  

Whether or not this is always the case, it makes some sense.  Whatever the reason might be, it is rare that friends who are not in the lifestyle will remain in your life if they discover.  Not today anyway, but hopefully in the future people will gain an understanding and an acceptance.  It really is time.

The black rings are back in stock! Come check out all of our lifestyle jewelry here: https://www.swingersjewelry.net/jewelry-for-swingers/

The pitfalls of relying on social media to meet other swingers.

Couple text messaging wearing Partners ID jewelry

Social media has become a way of life for most people. We have email, instant messaging, apps, and text messaging at our fingertips. When we wanted to communicate in the past, we picked up a phone and called someone. Now it has become much easier and more popular to just shoot a message to someone.

With this surge in the use of nonverbal communication, has come some problems. When we speak in person, others can hear our intonations as we speak. They can hear our excitement, our anger, and if we pause, they can rethink what they said and try to explain on the spot.  When we read a message, at times, we misinterpret what the writer is trying to convey to us.

How does this affect swingers looking for other swingers?

Simply put, when a couple is attempting to communicate with another couple and they rely on a messaging platform, things they write can be misconstrued. It becomes especially touchy when these couples have never met. Sometimes a person has a sense of humor that they try to convey in their messages. If you don’t know that this person is sarcastic, for example, you might misinterpret them as being arrogant. A person who is shy might come across as being disinterested. Perhaps one couple is very busy and so there can be a long delay between messages. If English is the person’s second language, their writing might be seen as a lack of intelligence or education. In any case, the couples might decide against meeting each other for reasons that are not valid.

The other problem that is rampant, is many couple’s disregard for the truth. The number one complaint seems to be the outdated photos that many couples choose to post. Regardless of how attractive and fit you were ten years ago, that no longer represents what you look like today.

If you are afraid that people will not be attracted by your current photos, this is not a reason to post old ones. After all, you will eventually meet in person and the first thing they will notice is that you do not look like your pictures. Many people say that they do this because although they might not like their pictures, they are sure they can win over another couple if they meet in person. The truth is, it does not work like this. We have heard many couples talk about how when they spotted the couple they had arranged to meet and realized they did not look like their photos, they turned around and left.

Some other problems with swinger profiles are lying about age and not being truthful about what you are looking for. If you do not have experience or are not totally comfortable with swapping, be honest. At some point, all of your lies will become apparent to the couples that you meet.  This makes it awkward for everyone. Don’t shave 10 years off of your age and then be surprised when the couple who agrees to meet you is not interested. Don’t expect another couple to “take it slow” if you have written that you are full swap and have tons of experience. Honesty goes a long way in making encounters successful and enjoyable. You will find couples to match with if you let them know who you really are.

Face-time and Skype have given us the ability to chat live.  Perhaps this is the best way to be sure that the couple in the pictures look the same in person. This also allows you to speak in “real-time” and avoid the problems that messaging can cause. Let’s not forget that in some areas, people have to travel quite a distance to meet each other. Remote areas that do not have a swing club or any other lifestyle events tend to be more reliant on technology.  This causes them to be dependent upon messaging.

When messaging with other couples just remember how many times your chats with family and friends have been misunderstood. Not because of what you wrote necessarily, but rather the way the reader interpreted what you meant to say or how you meant to say it. Give people the benefit of the doubt and always try to connect either by video chat or on the phone. This allows you the comfort of hearing what someone is saying and how they are saying it.

One of the other problems facing those who are dependent upon technology is having to a total stranger.  As many swingers will attest, they often “meet” people online who either drag out the process of an in-person meet or don’t show up to arranged meetings. That leaves the couple wondering what went wrong.  There are many people who seem to get off solely from the correspondence of another couple.  They pretend to be interested strictly for the thrill.  There was never any intent to meet.

One of the best pieces of advice for couples who find themselves struggling with flakes and no shows is to insist on meeting early on.  Don’t prolong the process of getting to know someone over texts or emails.  After one or two emails or phone calls, set up a day and a time to meet.  This will prevent you from wasting time with people who have no real interest in actually meeting in person.

When a person or couple finally agrees to meet, the smartest place to meet is a coffee shop.  There is no time or money commitment here and most people agree that within the first five minutes they know if they have any interest.   Wasting an entire evening meeting someone for dinner can be a disaster if you don’t like them.

Don’t forget to use common sense.  If something feels wrong or you get a bad feeling, back up.  Not everyone is honest or has good intentions.  Just like in regular dating, pay attention to what your gut tells you.

Most importantly, have fun.  Swinging is supposed to be fun.  This is not a job, but a lifestyle!  For most people, the time and energy put into finding other couples eventually pays off.

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Finding a condom you didn’t know you lost! How can one little condom cause so much trouble?!

Woman holding condom wearing Partners ID  black ring

There are some things that only swingers can relate to. There are situations that we find ourselves in that vanilla people simply cannot imagine.

We recently returned from a trip where we spent a few days partying with a group of lifestyle friends. The days were spent on a secluded beach and the nights were spent running between the jacuzzi and the den of a rented townhome. We drank a lot and had a lot of sex.

Upon my return home, my phone reminded me of my yearly gynecology exam the following morning. Everything was pretty routine until he did the internal part of the exam.

He stands up from his seat on a stool, pushes his glasses up on top of his head and looks me in the eye. “I think somebody lost something,” he said and with that holds up the forceps from which a used condom is dangling…

He knows I am married and had asked about my husband not 2 minutes before discovering the condom. To say I was mortified is a small understatement. I did not (could not) explain.

We had a house party recently and we are always very thorough in our clean up to be sure that there is nothing left behind. ( A rule I might want to consider after traveling with lifestyle friends!) We limit our guests to the family room and kitchen so that we don’t have to concern ourselves with the entire house.  The morning after the party, we checked under the couches and the couch cushions, under the coffee table and wall unit, emptied the garbage, scrubbed the bathroom, you name it. The following evening we had our children over for dinner. While we are eating my son touched something under the table and lifted the table cloth to see what was on the floor. Sitting on the table pedestal was a pair of men’s shoes. I don’t know how we missed them but we did. He picks them up off the floor and looks at my husband. Clearly, they don’t look like the style of shoes my husband wears and the size is much larger than what he wears. Yes, I know what you’re thinking because I was thinking exactly the same thing. How does someone leave a party without their shoes? It hardly mattered at that moment because we both stared at the shoes trying to think of something to say. I had nothing, I was actually laughing to myself about how ludicrous the situation was. My husband made up some lame story about borrowing the shoes but the more he rambled on the more ridiculous the story sounded. I glanced at my children out of the corner of my eyes and could see they were not buying one word. I really can’t imagine what they were thinking.

My husband brought his car in for service recently and when he went to pick up the car they handed him a large envelope and said they had found some personal items on the floor of the car and wanted to make sure they were returned to him. He thanked them and opened the envelope while waiting for them to bring the car around. Inside were 4 pairs of crotchless panties. When he looked up from the envelope the service representative was standing there with the car keys. “I see you got your items back,” he said with a grin on his face. My husband was mortified. He imagined everyone was watching him from inside the showroom as he got into his car. He said he was sure they thought he was having sex with hookers in his car when in reality he often puts my underwear into my boots when we play at the club. I remove my boots when I get into the car often forgetting about the underwear and they get lost under the seat.

We had plans to meet some lifestyle friends for an evening of fun and I was texting my friend’s husband to remind him to bring condoms as we had forgotten to pick some up when we were out. He sent me a sexually charged text and I shot one back to him telling what I was planning to do to him that evening. I didn’t hear back from him and figured he was busy. After playing with them that evening I asked him if I did everything I promised I would do to him. He looked at me with a funny expression and asked what I was talking about. I reminded him of the text I had sent that afternoon following his text to me. He grabbed his phone and scrolled down to look for my text. He was shaking his head no, that he had never received a followup text from me. That was not a very good feeling… I felt a little nauseous as I tried to imagine who might have been the recipient of that text message. I fumbled to find my phone dreading the thought of whose name I was going to find. Well, the good news is that it was not any of our children or relatives. The bad news is that it was not another lifestyle friend. It was an old employee of mine and needless to say there is nothing I can say or do about the text. It is an older woman and quite frankly I can’t begin to imagine what she was thinking when she received it! My only hope is that I never run into her!

As one can never hear too many condom stories, after leaving the club recently in the wee hours of the morning, some friends realized that they had stayed out much later than they had planned. They had a babysitter waiting for them at home so they dressed quickly and raced out of the club. When they pulled up to the house, my friend was grabbing some things from the back seat of the car while her husband went inside to get the babysitter. As my friend walked into the house she saw her husband walking in front of the sitter as they were getting ready to leave so he could drive her home. That’s when she spotted it. There was an open condom wrapper stuck to the back of his hair. The shiny psychedelic wrapper was glittering under the foyer light, impossible to miss. She looked over at the babysitter who was staring at it with a look of horror on her face. “What on earth was I supposed to say?” my friend asked in utter distress. Needless to say, although they really like this babysitter, neither of them are willing to face her so they have no babysitter for now.

These are just a small sample of horrifying events that happen to swingers. As I have said before, swingers can find themselves in some pretty hilarious situations, learning to think fast helps!

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