Swingers have a clear understanding of what swinging means and they definitely do not consider themselves cheaters. The percentage of people in the lifestyle who cheat on their spouses is significantly lower than the percentage in the population at large. Before we can talk about cheating, let’s discuss what the word really means. According to dictionary.com a cheater is a person who acts dishonestly, deceives, or defrauds. I do not see how swingers are guilty of this in any way as real swingers bring their partners with them when they actively swing. In any group of people, regardless of their sexual orientation, preferences, religions, politics, etc, you will find some ‘bad apples’, but as we know, we cannot judge an entire group of people based on a few misguided souls.
It is important to consider why someone in a committed relationship might cheat on their spouse. One reason someone might cheat is because they are not satisfied with the sex they are having with their partner. It could be that the actual act itself is not what one person needs to feel fulfilled or perhaps it is not frequent enough. Perhaps the cheater has met someone and is physically attracted to them. Some people who have been married for a while feel the need to be attractive to someone else. Another scenario could be that the couple is not connecting and having problems; be it money, kids, whatever, and the result is lack of interest in having sex with each other. Maybe the spouse has stopped taking care of themselves and is unappealing to their partner. Whatever the case may be, the end result is that this person looks to have sex with someone else and keeps it a secret from their spouse or significant other. This is cheating and ultimately will lead to a problem between the couple if it is discovered.
Let us now look at swinging. Swinging is done with your partner. The couple enters the lifestyle and chooses to seek out a sexual relationship with another couple or a single swinger. It does not really matter why the couple has decided to do this, but rather the fact that it is done in plain view of each other. There are no secrets or deceptions here. If you watch a couple playing with another couple, you will usually see the spouses interacting with each other while they are playing with someone else. A hand on their shoulder, a kiss, a helpful hand down there, whatever it is, you will see that this is something they are doing together. That is very different from sneaking into a hotel room while your spouse is at work or with the kids to have sex with someone else. Even when swingers decide to play separately, they do it with permission from their partner.
If you have a relationship like swingers do, why would you cheat? It is very liberating to be so open and honest with your partner about everything you are doing, why would you bother doing this behind their back? For most couples who swing, they have formed a very strong bond. They are even more connected because they share a secret lifestyle that most choose not to expose to others in their lives. This “secret” can be a strong glue for couples.
Let’s be honest, sex is exciting but often put on a back burner for married couples. They have busy lives and are often too tired for sex. They imagine it is mutual and so it can become as much of a routine to not have sex as it once was to have sex. This can be a slippery slope in marriage as intimacy is a critical component to long lasting successful marriages. Swingers have very active sex lives, but not every night out to a swing club results in playing with someone else. Frequently, married swingers will play alone together if nothing else presents itself during that night, and both are usually perfect happy.
One of the big differences between couples in the lifestyle and those who are not is how open couples in the lifestyle are with each other. When you take jealousy off the table, love can be limitless. When someone has doubts or fears about their partner’s fidelity, it puts space between a couple. If every time you see their sexy coworker or watch them come alive when an attractive waiter or waitress flirts with them and secretly wonder what they are thinking, it does not help your relationship. This wondering casts a shadow on your relationship as it creates doubt and insecurity. It is common, however, for couples in the lifestyle to turn a blind eye to sexy coworkers and others because they know they can have what they want in the lifestyle. They do not look for validation in everyday situations with attractive people because they do not need it. Vanilla couples, rely on these interactions to gauge if people still find them attractive.
It is said that humans are not monogamous by nature and perhaps this is why it can be such a struggle for couples in long term relationships to remain faithful to one another. It would seem that for this reason, the lifestyle can offer couples a way to remain together for the long haul. Many couples are very happily married to their partner, except when it comes to sex. Why break up a happy marriage when there are alternatives? Obviously, swinging is not for everyone and people in the lifestyle know that. Why then do people not accept the fact that monogamy is not for everyone?