New swingers tend to worry about being “outed”; should they?

New swingers peeking around corner; woman wearing Partners ID jewelry
Newbie peeking around corner; woman wearing Partners ID jewelry

 

 

 

Prior to entering the lifestyle, most new swingers tend to have the same concern:   what if we run into someone we know?  Will they tell other people they saw us?  It is normal for new swingers to worry about this, especially if they are looking to swing close to home.  Some people are well known in their community and even without disclosing their last name, people might readily recognize them.  It is normal to be apprehensive before getting started.

Prior to our first visit to a swing club, I was terrified that we would see people we know.  As it turned out, we did.  We saw four couples that we knew.  As soon as I spotted the first couple I grabbed my husband and told him we had to leave.  He insisted that it would be fine.  Within moments of my spotting one couple, they turned and saw us.  They walked right over and welcomed us to the club.  They were so warm and clearly happy to see us.  They then introduced us to a group of their friends.  When I voiced concern about  knowing so many people, they assured me that people are very discreet and would never discuss what or who they see at a swing club.

Most swingers will tell you that lifestyle events are filled with many couples but the theme is always the same:  what happens in the lifestyle, stays in the lifestyle.  Although there are couples who are open with their friends and families about the fact that they swing, the majority of swingers choose to keep this private.  Should new swingers worry about those couples talking freely about who they see when they are swinging?  Probably not because that would cause people to distrust them and keep their distance.

Many couples look to begin swinging by joining an online site for swingers.  It can be a bit daunting when the first thing the site asks the new swingers for is personal information and a photo.  Luckily, most sites do not require a photo of your face and names and addresses are used solely for payment purposes.  They all offer the option to choose a screen name and to post pictures that you are comfortable with.  Many sites offer private photo gallery options which allow you to keep your photos private.  To let others view them, you must give them a secret code to unlock the photos.  Online swinger sites make finding couples you already know very difficult.  Without asking a couple for their screen name, chances are you would not even find them if you looked for them.  The same goes for curiosity seekers; first they would have to pay to join, then finding people they know without knowing their screen names would be almost impossible.

While it is true that many swingers shy away from online profiles with no pictures readily available, not all do.  Some couples will understand your need for privacy, as many people on these sites have tech savvy children as well.  Although people will argue that the site is password protected, some folks out there will still be too worried to post photos.

Swing clubs are always a very easy way to get started in the lifestyle, but again, newbies worry that they will see someone they know.  This is always a possibility but again, if you are both at the club, you are both there for the same reason.  Chances are, you will become better friends because you already know each other.

What if you are a public figure of some kind?  This means other people will know who you are but you will not know who they are.  That seems to be the biggest concern of all for well known new swingers.  If you are someone who is in a position of power, what if people who work around you in lesser positions spot you.  Will they talk about it at work?  After all, that would be good gossip.  That is always a possibility but again, in order to out you, they have to out themselves.  In this case, being friendly and warm will serve you better in the long run.  It is less likely that people will talk about you if they like you.

There is never any guarantee that people will not somehow discover your secret life but that should not keep you from enjoying the lifestyle.  There are so many wonderful people who swing and they are not really interested in who you are outside of the lifestyle.  They, like you, are there to have a good time.  Life is too short to always worry ‘what if’!

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Is Facebook the new morality police? Apparently, swinging goes against their standards.

Shocked couple checking Facebook
Shocked couple checking Facebook

I try never to mix sex with politics. Actually, I try never to mix anything with politics, I’ve learned it doesn’t play well with others (unless people share your views).

I was informed by Facebook that my postings don’t meet their standards and so therefore we are banned from posting. First it was 3 days, then 7 days and now 30 days. They told me our posts contain content that they do not feel meets their standards. It never told me which posts were offensive so it was left to me to try to figure this out. Obviously, we don’t share the same “standards” as I never removed all that were of concern, and if at the end of 30 days they still don’t like my posts, we will be banned for life.

Since when did Facebook become the morality police? How is it possible for a company who is not paying taxes to claim some high moral ground?   http://gawker.com/5984831/facebook-will-pay-no-taxes-get-huge-refund-instead

Hmm… Banned for life, that sounds serious. It also made me sad. Not because I care about Facebook but because they see sex and love as “dirty” and “inappropriate”. It didn’t seem to bother them when Kathy Griffin’s image of our president’s head on fire appeared on everyone’s page (again, not saying I cared, just pointing it out). It was ok to rehash the comments from the state of Maine’s candidate, who called a Parkland student a ‘skinhead lesbian’. I have seen videos showing live shootings of both men and animals and various other things that I personally felt did not meet my standards.

So this is the current state of being in our country. Facebook has deemed pictures that are seductive or provocative in nature as unsuitable for people over the age of 18 to view, and must take drastic measures to protect people from these images. It makes me sad. Partners ID is not about porn, it doesn’t condone cheating, or hatred or anything negative whatsoever. I did happen to notice that they don’t have any issue with Ashley Madison (you know, the company that encourages married people to find others to have affairs with). So Facebook feels that cheating meets their standards?

The sad part is that they are not the only ones who feel that cheating is better than swinging. Over the years I have known many (too many) people who have cheated on their spouse. The initial reaction within the group of friends closest to the couple was always shock. After the initial shock wore off, nobody cared. The couples that stayed together were still part of the group: invited to parties and dinners and other events. How many people can say the same about their friends when they discovered you are swingers? Most people never reveal to their close friends that they swing because they know they will not be accepted.

It appears Facebook is not the only one passing judgement. How many law makers would sit idly by if the news about Trump was not about an affair he had or lewd comments he made, but rather information showing that he is a swinger?

Where is the disconnect? When a married couple decides to embark on something as a couple, where is the problem? I understand that swinging is not for everyone. Swinging is not a cult, swingers are not out there trying to recruit people so what are people so afraid of? They are also known for their open minded ways. Swinging is inclusive and non-discriminatory, which is more than I can say for most people, clubs and organizations.

As you can see, I honestly don’t believe Facebook is as concerned with the provocative photos as much as it is with the message. I know this because this is not the first time we have run into this problem. The first page they banned had no photos and there was a problem. Do they also have an issue with the LGBTQ community?

Where does this bias against swingers come from? Religion? After everything we have learned about religious leaders in the past 10 years, I hardly think they should be concerned with what committed couples are doing together behind closed doors. Especially since what swingers are doing is strictly between consenting adults.

It is so hard to believe that in the year 2018, sex is still a dirty word.  Images that are seductive and imply sex are more than adults can stand to see. They need companies like Facebook to shield them from the harsh realities of adult life. Images or supporters of child abuse, rape, and the sex trade should be banned. These are crimes and should never be seen as anything else. Swinging is something that loving couples enter into to enhance their relationships. It gives them freedom and keeps them from cheating.

When are people going to wake up and stop passing judgement, especially on something that is a choice?   Personally, I think it’s time.

 

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“I never thought it would happen to me!” A swinger’s story…

Couple wearing Partners ID jewelry, whispering
Couple wearing Partners ID jewelry, whispering

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Hi Partners ID.  I love reading your blog but I especially like to read the emails you recieve from folks who have had success with the jewelry.  Just like most things in life, I never thought it would happen to me but it did!  Magical!

We have been swingers for about 5 years and mostly seek out parties at hotels near where we live.  It can be a bit frustrating because we would like to have more of a swinger social life but we really don’t have a club close enough to drive just  for an evening.  

To try to satisfy our desire to immerse ourselves in swinging, we took a vacation in August to Hedonism.   That’s where we discovered your jewelry.  It worked like a charm in Jamaica because people could identify that we were swingers and so they approached us.  To be honest, we weren’t really sure if we would have any success with the jewelry back at home.

I wear my necklace everyday for two reasons:  first because I love the design and second, obviously, because I would like to meet other swingers.  

We live in a wonderful community and have met many of our neighbors since moving in last year.  We got a note in our mailbox a few weeks ago inviting us to their annual block party.  We are a very social couple and looked forward to spending the afternoon with everyone while hoping to meet some new people.  

We offered to help with the set up, and spent the evening before the party baking goodies to share with our neighbors.  We arrived early and were greeted by a couple we had not yet met.  They were quite a bit older than we are but were so warm and  welcoming.  They mentioned that their son and his wife would be attending the party and hoped we would get a chance to meet them.  

We were impressed with the turnout for the party!  There were well over 100 people out on the street enjoying the food, music, games and socializing.  At one point my husband left me talking with another couple to run back and get us some drinks.  He ran into the older couple that we had helped with the set up.  They were with their son and his wife and were thrilled to be able to introduce them to my husband.  

A short time later my husband returned and he was wilth another couple who seemed anxious to meet me.  I politely excused myself and went over to meet them.  With a big smile on his face my husband introduced me to this couple, who are about the same age we are.  I went to shake the man’s hand and he pulled me in for a kiss.  I was a little stunned until he whispered in my ear  to look at his bracelet.  Sure enough, there it was!  He, too, was wearing your jewelry!  OMG I was so excited to meet them!  We spent the entire rest of the day with them and the next night as well!  The best part is, since his parents are our neighbors, they come to town quite often.  

Such a great concept!  Thank you again for what you are doing for the lifestyle!  Like I said, it’s magical!

~Lisa and Doug

Colorado (too small a town to name!)

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Is swinging merely friends expressing their friendship sexually?

Swinger friends on the beach wearing Partners ID jewelry
Swinger friends on the beach wearing Partners ID jewelry

 

 

 

Is swinging merely friends expressing their friendship sexually?

We get a lot of emails not only our customers, but from people who are curious about swinging. We recently received an email from someone who could not understand the dynamics of swinging. Sadly, like so many people who are not in the lifestyle, they wondered if every friendship swingers enter into was ultimately with the hope of swinging.

I can hear every swinger around the world groaning, and believe me, I feel your pain. First of all, swingers are not sexual deviants disguised as normal people. (Perhaps some are, but not most.) Even when swingers go to a swing club, lifestyle resort or party, most are not open to playing with everyone at the club or event. Just like vanilla people, swingers choose to be with people that turn them on. Believe it or not, even if they find a vanilla friend or coworker attractive, they will not pursue them for sex. It simply does not work like this.

I remember my husband confiding in a close vanilla friend, years ago, that we were in the lifestyle. What do you think his first question was? He wanted to know if my husband and I had talked about having sex with he and his wife. Now this was awkward. The truth is, we had never even thought about it. They are nice people, but since they are not swingers, it never came up in conversation. Believe it or not, he seemed insulted by the answer. Who’s crazy now?

What we discovered is that although vanilla people don’t want you to hit on them, they want to believe that you would be sexually attracted to them if they were swingers. (Shaking my head.)
The second question was whether or not we had interest in anyone in our circle of vanilla friends. Again, no, we never thought about it.

Swingers will tell you that if they do not get a radar reading about another person or couple being active in the lifestyle, chance are, they are not thinking about having sex with them. That is not to say that swingers never fantasize about friends and coworkers, but that is different from contemplating hitting on them!

Back to the original question: is swinging merely friends expressing their friendship sexually?

Many swingers have lifestyle friends that they do not have sex with. They enjoy their company, as you would any vanilla friend, but they are not attracted to each other. Sometimes you are strictly sexually attracted to a couple but have nothing else in common. You play with them but do not seek them out socially. Swinging is a lot like dating. With some people you hit it off and the chemistry is right so there is sex. With others, there is no chemistry, but yet you enjoy each other’s company so perhaps remain friends. Still then, there are people with whom you have chemistry with but little else in common.

Swinging is really not such a complicated phenomenon. Perhaps the easiest way to think about swinging is like dating for couples. Dating for swingers, however, at times seems like the opposite progression from actual dating. Couples seek out other couples for sex. Sometimes you all enjoy each other’s company and a friendship is born; other times you remain acquaintances and say a quick hello when you see each other. Some couples prefer to follow the same pattern as regular dating: they like to meet couples that they have something in common with and then have sex. The problem is when you are dealing with four personalities, it can be much more complicated to find a good match where everyone is happy.
For this reason, many couples simply look for the sexual chemistry first and the friendship second.

If swinging were merely friends expressing their friendship sexually, swingers would be having sex with all of their lifestyle friends and they are not. What is different about friendships within the lifestyle is that they are sexual in nature. Swingers talk freely about sex and are not shy to be naked in front of each other. What brings them together as friends is their uninhibited attitudes.

For those of you who are asking about the lifestyle I encourage you to check it out. The worst case scenario is that it is not for you. At least this way you know what it is all about and whether or not it is something that interests you. I will say that for people who are curious enough to ask about it, chances are the lifestyle is something you will enjoy!

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If sex and nudity are natural, why then do both make people so uncomfortable?

Woman removing panties for sex wearing Partners ID jewelry
Woman removing panties wearing Partners ID jewelry

 

 


Why are Americans so shy when it comes to sex?  Let’s face it, if people were not having sex, we wouldn’t be here.  When you think about it, it is surprising that pregnant women are not trying to cover up when they start to show, after all, everyone who sees them will know they had sex!  What must their parents think?  At this point you are thinking this is silly, right?   We are proud and happy when our children, grandchildren, siblings and friends are expecting; we don’t think about sex when it comes to pregnancy.  It is a beautiful thing!  Yes, it is, but so is sex and so is a naked body.  Even the names of our body parts embarrass us! You rarely hear people speak of their penis or vagina. Certainly over the course of your life you have had reason to mention them to others, no?  If the title of this article had the word vagina in it, people might be embarrassed if someone saw that they were stopping to read the article.  It seems that this is more of an American hangup (when compared to most European countries and Canada). Why are we so shy?  When does this start?

From the time we are children we are taught that our “private parts” are, well, private.  We shouldn’t touch them or talk about them and most definitely, we should never let anyone see or touch them.  It is understandable with all the sick people in the world that parents want to protect their children from harm, but are they doing them a disservice?  I would bet that most American parents feel justified and think this is the best way to protect their children.  Perhaps it is, but wouldn’t it be healthier to adopt a more casual approach toward teaching children about their bodies?  Allowing children to see their parents naked would probably help them to know that nudity is not something to be ashamed of.  Many times you will see children with their parents at a nude beach yet they are almost never American.  European women think nothing of taking off their bathing suit tops yet American’s are very shy at the notion.

I happen to catch the show “Project Runway” recently and the models for the challenge were nudists and the contestants had to design an outfit that would keep them warm but that they would feel comfortable wearing.  When the models were called in, they were naked.  I could not believe how uncomfortable the contestants were!  The models were completely relaxed and had no compunction standing naked while they discussed clothing options.  When they left the contestants were in shock!  Why?  Had they never seen a naked body before?  When you consider this, it really is not normal.

The same situation exists when talking about sex.  Obviously, at some point in time, everyone will have sex.  We have sex education classes in school yet somehow we never actually talk about sex.  We talk about conception in terms of sperm and eggs but never penis and vagina.  We learn about fallopian tubes, the uterus and ovaries but never about the clitoris or g-spot.  We learn that a male will get an erection but never about the pleasure both male and female will experience during intercourse.  Orgasm, let’s get real, that word never came up in class.

Parents usually at realize they must have “the talk” with their children at some point,  but what are they actually talking about it?  Besides giving them information about pregnancy and STDs, do they explain anything further?  Most do not.  No discussion about what feels good or how it is normal to touch yourself.  Their embarrassment simply tells us that sex is something so embarrassing, that they cannot really discuss it with us.  Most kids would agree that their parents seemed elated when “the talk” was finished and you had no questions.

I can remember as a child taking a field trip to the zoo.  The monkeys started having sex as our group of fifth graders were being led by their caged area.  The guide told us not to stop and to hurry past the cages.  He was very embarrassed and refused to let us stop to see the exhibit.   He called them naughty monkeys and chided them through the cage as he moved us past them.  What kind of message was he sending us?   Back at school when we questioned our teacher about it, she told us the monkeys were being silly.  Silly?  Would it not have been more educational to say they were doing something natural?

This might explain why even as adults, people rarely talk about sex.  Before entering the lifestyle, when we spent all of our time with vanilla friends, it was rare that we talked about sex.  If we did, it was joking around about a funny incident such as having the kids walk in on us or trying to find time when the kids weren’t around, etc..  We never spoke about specifics or laughed about new toys.  If we spoke about our new passion for anal sex I’m not sure we would have ever seen any of these “friends” again.   The nice thing about lifestyle friends is that you do talk about sex and nothing is off limits.

We certainly are not born thinking there is shame in our naked bodies so where and why do we learn this?  We know that by the time puberty hits we go to great lengths to keep our bodies to ourselves as we are somewhat ashamed of the changes taking place. We can all remember the difficulty of changing for gym class and can now look back and wonder why our parents and educators did not attempt to lessen our discomfort with some education.  Sure, we learned about puberty, but laughed about it through every class with intense embarrassment.

What is it about our naked bodies that make us so uncomfortable?  I imagine for women it is their perception that they have less than perfect bodies, and when exposed, everyone can see their flaws (whether real or imagined).  For men, perhaps it is a combination of the size of their penis, and how they measure up to other men.  It is also perhaps the fear of arousal while exposed (at an inappropriate moment).  This is a possibility for men mostly because they are not used to being naked and seeing others naked.  Like anything else, they would be desensitized if being naked were not so taboo.  When you spend time at a nude beach, it is rare to see a man with an erection.  Even when you do, most people would agree, it is not a big deal as we have all seen it before!

When you become part of the lifestyle, you discover how liberating it is to get past this.  You learn to undress in front of others and discover that nobody is pointing and laughing.  Regardless of body size and type, hair or no, tattoos, piercings and scars, nobody is ever pointing or laughing.  Taking your clothing off in front of your friends at a nude beach or resort is incredibly liberating!  To feel the warmth of the sun on your entire body is worth the risk of the momentary pang of discomfort the first time you undress in public.  You will also discover that it feels very normal when everyone is also naked. The conversations about sex and your personal sex life will become a part of your life as well.  When you realize how liberating the lifestyle is you will wonder how people can go through their entire life covering up some of the most genuine things about themselves.  Sex is something beautiful and natural and talking about it is normal!  When you swing you also begin to see sex as something beautiful even when it is shared.  Society is so rigid in its beliefs about monogamy and clothing that it keeps us from truly acting in a way that is perhaps more natural than we realize.  Maybe the monkeys are right in the way they behave.  They act on instinct and seem to be just fine the way they are.  Do they really need humans to tell them what is right and to make them feel ashamed?  I personally prefer the attitudes I have discovered from the lifestyle.  How very liberating to finally be comfortable in my own skin and with my sexuality!

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How can you tell if another couple wants to swing with you?

A couple and single girl at a bar wearing Partners ID Jewelry
A couple and single girl at a bar wearing Partners ID Jewelry

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Swinging can sometimes feel like dating.  Remember in the past when you met someone and spent a fair amount of time wondering if they liked you?  Then you tried to decide if they liked you, or liked you liked you.   The only difference now, is that usually swingers are couples looking for other couples.  Although it sounds so simple, it is not.  Instead of the traditional one person seeking out another, it is now one couple (2 people) looking for another couple (2 more people).  That equals four people who must all be on the same page.  It might not sound that complicated but it can be.

The other part of this equation is wondering when you do meet other swingers, how to know which couples want to swing with you.  That too, can be complicated.  When you are dealing with a couple, maybe the man likes you, but his wife doesn’t like your husband (or vice versa).  The problems with four people are multiplied dramatically so it’s important to pay attention to signs and signals that other couples are giving you.

Swing clubs are a great place to meet other couples (or singles) to swing with. They have a sexy, night club atmosphere and most of the people who are there, are there to swing. This does not mean, however, that every couple you meet wants to swing with you. So how can you tell who is and who is not interested?

Most adults have learned that when they are in a social situation, they should be friendly and warm. We were taught to be polite and smile. If someone talks to us, we should have the common courtesy to listen and even join in the conversation. People in swing clubs, tend to be very friendly and welcoming to each other. So with all this smiling and kindness, how can we distinguish between people are who being polite and people who are interested in having sex?

For some couples, it’s not that hard to figure out, whereas for others, they seem to have no clue at all (think Sheldon Cooper). Here is a little quiz to help you determine if you are on the right track to finding other couples to play with:

You are sitting at the bar and a couple walks over. They are trying to get the bartender’s attention and since you are sitting there, they say hello. You and your significant other find them attractive so you try to engage them in conversation. They are friendly and answer your questions but as soon as the bartender hands them their drinks, they turn and walk away. Now, this should be an easy one…
This couple is interested, you have a shot: True or False

(False, clearly, they are not interested.)

Let’s try another, shall we? A couple is seated next to you on a couch. They seem friendly and you strike up a conversation with them. The husband answers your questions but the wife is not paying any attention. She is busy watching people on the dance floor. While you are talking to him, the husband turns and asks his wife if she wants to dance. They pop up and leave for the dance floor. Hm, what do you think?

A. They will be back in a few minutes and we will have another chance to win them over?

B. We have no shot let’s go find another couple.

If you chose A, you should probably keep reading until the end!

How about this situation: a couple approaches you while you are at the bar and asks if anyone is sitting in the seats next to you. You say no and the couple sits down. They introduce themselves and tell you it’s their first time in this club. They are friendly and you are encouraged that maybe this can work. You talk with them for a while and they get up to go and dance. After a few songs, they return to their seats next to you. A couple sits down on the other side of them and they turn to engage in conversation with them. You and your significant other walk around to join the two couples in conversation. They continue talking while you stand there. You don’t want to be rude so you patiently wait for them to introduce you to this couple. After a few minutes, nobody attempts to bring you into the conversation. You decide to go back to your seats at the bar.

A. No problem, in a few minutes they will turn back and chat with us.

B. Not looking good, they were just being friendly.
Don’t wait too long for this couple, it seems they have found a couple they prefer.

You meet a couple standing along side the dance floor. You try to engage them in conversation and although the wife is friendly, the husband is looking around while you are talking to him. He answers your questions but doesn’t ask you any. A few times you even had to repeat yourself because he didn’t hear you. His wife grabs his hand while you are talking to her.

A.  She’s hot and she’s friendly. She will persuade him to be with us.

B. Finding couples is harder than we thought. Let’s move on.

It’s B! When she grabbed his hand, she was trying to tell you something… He showed a clear disinterest from the get go.
You decide to dance and are enjoying the time with your wife. You notice a couple watching you and smiling. When you leave the dance floor they approach you at the bar. They are friendly and she greets you with a kiss on the cheek. The man is attentive to your wife and his wife is attentive to you. She plays with her hair while laughing at your jokes.

A.  This is it! We might actually have a chance with this couple!

B. They are just being friendly, I’m not sure if they really have any interest.

I hope you chose A! This was a gimme, a no brainer.

Believe it or not, we see this all the time. Couples who hang around when there is no chance what so ever that the couple they are clinging to have any interest in them. Sometimes all it really requires, is to pay close attention to what their body language is saying. If someone is standing with their arms crossed and a forced smile on their face, that should tell you that they are not interested. If someone touches you or is engaged in what you say, that’s a good sign. If they turn towards you and have a genuine (not fake) smile, think positive! If the person you are talking to is not making eye contact, walk away. If someone likes you, they will make you feel comfortable and important. They will be present in the moment with you. They will ask you questions and listen carefully to what you have to say. If someone is busy looking around to see what else is available, that means they have no real desire to be with you.

Although we always stress how important communication is, in this type of situation, nobody will tell you that they are not interested, it is just too rude. They will, however, do whatever they can with their body language to let you know. Non verbal cues are all you are going to get to let you know when a coupe is or is not interested. All you have to do, is pay attention to what it is they are trying to say.

Swinging should be fun but figuring out who wants to swing with you can sometimes be confusing! The more experience you have in the lifestyle the easier it will become! Good luck!

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Do women drink more alcohol than men at lifestyle events?

Woman drinking alcohol wearing Partners ID jewelry
Woman drinking alcohol wearing Partners ID jewelry

 

 

Do women in the lifestyle drink more alcohol than men at events and clubs?

Since prohibition ended in 1933 and alcohol was finally legalized permanently in the US, it has become a mainstay with most adults in America. It has become somewhat of a rarity to meet an adult who does not drink alcohol.

Alcohol has always been somewhat of a right of passage for young adults. Forbidden to kids when they are young due to their age, suddenly when they cross into adulthood, many indulge in drinking. Often times, young adults try to impress each other with their new found ‘maturity’ and will binge drink with friends on weekends.

As we get older, drinking usually becomes more of a social activity. Many adults will also use alcohol to relax and alleviate stress. Alcohol is known to instill a sense of social confidence and is known for loosening our inhibitions. Naturally, alcohol has found its place in the lifestyle for these reasons.

The majority of people who enter a swing club or attend a lifestyle event for the first time are inclined to drink alcohol as a way of relieving the anxiety of a new situation. Alcohol can be a sort of “liquid courage”.

We can relate to why people will drink more than usual when they find themselves in a new situation, but what happens when couples become regulars in swing clubs or at lifestyle events? Do they still drink more than usual?

Often times, it becomes apparent that women drink more heavily than men in these situations. Why is that? It can be a number of reasons:

Men tend to drink less to avoid “whiskey dick”, (according to the urban dictionary: when you’ve had too much to drink and have a girl back home and can’t get it up to perform the deed)

2. Men are often the “designated drivers” so they must take this into consideration when drinking.

3. Women generally feel less inhibited when drinking alcohol and so they tend to want a buzz to feel more sure of themselves and less reserved.

4. Most women, when they are new to the lifestyle, require a little time to reprogram their way of thinking. Alcohol dulls their moral compass and allows them to act in a way that they might not feel able to, if they were sober.

The big difference between men and women in these situations is two fold:

Men must be able to achieve and maintain an erection if they are going to have sex, whereas women (obviously) do not. Alcohol makes this difficult, if not impossible, for many men.

Many (or perhaps most) women were reared to equate sex with love. She now must change the way she thinks in order to relax and enjoy swinging. Having sex with a man who you have either met briefly or who is a total stranger, can be difficult when you first start swinging. Add in the public sex and your partner with another woman and it is a recipe which screams for another drink. Many women have said that even after years in the lifestyle, none of this would be possible without a fair amount of alcohol.

Men, on the other hand, are very different. Most men say that although they like to have a drink or two for their own pleasure, they absolutely do not “need it” to enjoy swinging. They have no compunction with having sex in public nor with their wives playing with other men. Most, in fact, find it a turn on to watch their wife getting it on with another man.

Unlike women, most men are able to separate sex and love and have mastered this skill at a very early age. Alcohol is not needed to help them to deal with emotional issues while playing, many simply feel it makes them more relaxed and allows them to be more social.

For these reasons, it is not uncommon to discover many women who are either buzzed or very drunk at lifestyle events. When alcohol elicits a euphoric effect and allows a woman to relax and enjoy herself, then alcohol has had a positive effect. When a woman is incoherent, passed out or just plain belligerent, this is obviously a negative consequence of alcohol and can be a disaster.

While most people drink for enjoyment, too much alcohol can have the opposite effect. When people are having a good time and things are going well, the need to over drink is not usually as prevalent. When someone is feeling overwhelmed or emotional, over drinking can seem like a helpful way to cope with the stress. Obviously, this usually ends poorly as the person either becomes sick, angry or curled up on a couch.

Blaming alcohol seems like an easy excuse when things go wrong in the lifestyle. Perhaps couples should take a step back and examine the reason for the alcohol abuse in the first place. If both the man and the woman are tuned into each other and taking steps to ensure each other’s happiness and comfort while at any lifestyle event, the negative effects of alcohol should be able to be avoided. If one part of the couple is drinking too much, the other should try to assess the situation and see what might be causing this. Sometimes a little time and attention is all that is needed to put your partner at ease.

As with all other problematic situations couples face in the lifestyle, communication can help clear the air and goes a long way to fixing problems.

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A lifestyle story from a swinger that is sure to make you cringe!

Naked woman in the lifestyle wearing Partners ID jewelry
Naked woman in the lifestyle wearing Partners ID jewelry

 

 

Dear Partners ID,

I read the story about the couple from New York who walked in half naked to their own surprise party and it brought back memories of our own nightmare. I think this story is at least as cringe worthy.

My husband and I had been in the lifestyle for about 5 years. We spent at least two days a week at the swing club near our home (about 20 miles), and were very comfortable there. The club was not large but it did attract a good crowd most nights.

We were heavy into swinging and went into the playroom almost every night we were in the club. Spending this much time in this club, we knew most of the people who came to the club and some of us were very friendly.

It was Halloween and for this club, it was always a very busy night. It was rare to see someone come to this club and not wear a costume. Some people were so dressed up, we could not tell who they were.

This particular night, a couple that we were very close with was in the club. My husband took the woman to dance and I walked over to a couch with the woman’s husband. We immediately started to kiss and fondle each other and things got hot quickly. He bent me over the side of the couch, lifted my costume and started to lick my pussy from behind.  Soon I could feel an extra set of hands caressing my breasts. I figured it was either my husband or the man who was nearby when we sat down on the couch. Before I knew it, the man is rubbing my clit while the other guy is eating me out and I have a very intense orgasm. I turned to kiss the man to say thank you for joining in when I realized who he was. It was my sister’s husband! My brother in law! OMG!

Needless to say I was completely shocked and traumatized! Our costumes made it difficult to see our faces so neither of us realized until after the fact.

Today the four of us laugh about it and my husband and sister are always joking that it is their turn.

By the way, I love the necklace you custom made for me, it’s perfect!

Kisses!
Dina and Joe
Swingers from Atlanta, GA

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Just when you thought a story couldn’t be topped…This is shocking!

Shocked couple wearing Partners ID jewelry
Shocked couple wearing Partners ID jewelry

 

 

We recently published a story from one of our customers.  It was so bizarre that we did not think anyone could have had a more outrageous experience.  Clearly we were wrong…

 

Dear Partners ID,

We read a letter from one of your customers recently about a story that you thought could not be topped. We think you might be wrong. This is what happened to us, and trust us, it is truly shocking!

My wife and I have been married for 28 years and we have 2 kids. They are both adults and neither of them live in the state where we live.

It was my wife’s 50th birthday and we made plans to go out to celebrate with some lifestyle friends. Her birthday fell on a Thursday but we arranged for the celebration on that Saturday. We went to a very nice restaurant, had a lot to drink and the 6 of us took an Uber back to our condo. We have a private landing so when you get into the elevator it takes you directly to our private entrance. You must have a key to access the landing. We were all anticipating the hot night ahead and as we approached our floor I started to remove the woman’s panties that I was planning to play with first. In my drunken manner, I put the panties in my mouth and reached for the key to open the door.

SURPRISE! Yes, that’s what I heard as we entered our apartment. The lights flicked on and there I am with a woman’s panties between my teeth, my wife’s shirt was completely unbuttoned and one of the men had a full erection sticking out through the open zipper of his pants.

Surprise doesn’t adequately explain my emotions at that moment. Shock? Despair? I’m not sure how to put it into words. We were all mortified and tried our best to pull ourselves together to greet my children and a small group of our friends from the building.

I don’t think I need to go into the details (it was a complete mess) and we are actually moving because we do not feel comfortable here knowing that everyone in the building has discovered that we are swingers.

You have to admit that this story is the one that cannot be topped!

Before signing off I just wanted to tell you that we love your jewelry!

Thanks for listening,

Marc & Cindy
New York, NY

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Uninhibited: Perhaps this should be the word to replace swinger.

Uninhibited woman wearing Partners ID jewelry
Uninhibited woman wearing Partners ID jewelry

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Uninhibited? Perhaps this is the term we should use to replace the word swinger.

We have spoken before about how the term ‘swinger’ is outdated.  Today, the word swinger  has a negative  connotation which dates back to the 1970s. Swingers are no longer a part of the key club culture and they also gave up their huckapoo shirts and nylon slacks decades ago. The word swinger seems to conjure up an image of older folks groping each other and partaking in massive, hairy orgies. It is for this reason, that finding a new word to replace the word “swinger” seems necessary.

The term open-minded has been suggested and we have discussed this as well. It seems like a good option but today we would like to consider the word “uninhibited.”

The word uninhibited, according to the free dictionary means the following:

uninhibited
adjective
1. not inhibited or restricted; unhampered.
2. not restrained by or mindful of social convention or usage; free; candid or spontaneous.

When a friend suggested this term I thought, bingo! This is exactly the word I would use to describe swingers. Although many vanilla people think swingers are wild, reckless and depraved, the word uninhibited exudes a much clearer image of who swingers really are.

Swingers are the first to argue that they are, for the most part, no different from anyone else. The central difference between swingers and their vanilla friends is their desire to enjoy sex with more than one person.

Swingers have the ability to let loose and experiment sexually with other people in ways we have always been taught were wrong. We either learned this from our parents or our religion. Sex was intended to take place only between a married couple. Not between two women, not between two men and certainly not with a multitude of partners. We grew up learning to be modest and to cover up our bodies (especially women).

While these teachings were consistent with generations of the past, with the decline of religion over the past decade or so, and with the Baby Boomers now parents and grandparents, we have seen a shift in many people’s moral compass. People are more open to new ideas and beliefs, which has in turn led people to a more open-minded way of thinking.

Interestingly enough, even with the more relaxed attitudes we see today, swingers remain outcasts. It has become both common and acceptable to reveal to friends, family and coworkers your sexual orientation as well as your gender identity, but it is still not acceptable to be a swinger.

If society refuses to accept swingers, perhaps the best course of action is to change the word associated with swinging. In order to change the mind set, the most logical thing to do is to change the word. Take for example the word stripper. We no longer refer to women as strippers. Exotic dancer has become the new term. The name is chic and no longer elicits an image of vaudeville days with trashy women wearing tassels on their breasts. The term exotic dancer, although it means exactly the same thing as stripper, paints a much more palatable image of a beautiful woman dancing in a club.

As swingers, if we were to change the terminology to simply say that we are uninhibited adults, this would erase the image of bunch of old, out of shape people engrossed in an orgy. For vanilla people, the term will imply little more than an individual who is open to new thoughts and ideas.  People who are uninhibited are not prudish or uptight. If people truly are uninhibited, they would be open to the notion of swinging but may or may not partake. This would allow us the freedom to let the world know that we are unconventional or free thinking.  It does not say anything about us sexually. It simply invites open conversations between adults who are uninhibited like ourselves.

Swingers must take the initiative to help change the stigma attached to living this lifestyle. Acknowledging to others that you are uninhibited gives away little about your lifestyle. I truly believe that if the word swinger was abolished, many people who are actually swinging, although they claim that is not what they are doing, would readily admit that they are uninhibited.  This would help build the community while at the same time helping swingers to be accepted for their lifestyle choices.  After all, telling people that you are uninhibited does not really tell them precisely what you are doing.

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