You know you’re a swinger when…

Open-minded couples in bathrobes wearing Partners ID jewelry
Swingers in bathrobes wearing Partners ID jewelry

So you are in the lifestyle and have gotten your feet wet in the world of swinging.  It does not matter what “type” of swinger you are:  full swap, soft swap, etc., what matters is that now you are one of us!   It comes about slowly, but all of the sudden you have that aha moment when you realize you are truly part of the lifestyle.  This list points out things that are common among people who swing and if two or more apply to you, you are a swinger!

You know you’re a swinger when:

The names in your phone are couples with first names only (or they all have the same last name, which is the name of your swing club).

Your kids are coming to town and you have already forewarned them that you have important plans Saturday night that cannot be broken.  You have also scoured their rooms to make sure their sheets are clean and there are no condoms or toys in the drawers from your last sleep over guests.

You dress in your car and think nothing of the trucks passing by when you are buck naked on the highway.

You get dressed at home and wear a trench coat in the middle of summer to get out of the house.

You have a “secret” closet for your slut wear and hooker shoes.

When someone asks to see a picture that’s on your phone you hold the phone to show them.  You panic that they might scroll through some of the photos.

You have at least one screen name with some sexual  or provocative word in it.

There are nude photos of you somewhere.

You have lied to many friends about your where abouts on the weekend.

You have declined important vanilla social engagements to attend a swinger event.

You are married but have condoms in your house.

You have sex toys and lingerie and share both with your lifestyle friends.

You have told women you love their breasts and asked if you can feel them.

You see a couple and ask your partner if you have ever played with them.  (You can’t remember everyone!)

When you see an attractive couple, you point them out to your partner, even in vanilla settings.

You talk about the size of your partner’s penis, then your friends want to see it for themselves.

You would happily show your tattoos and piercings; even your clit ring.

When someone is talking about a Prince Albert you know it’s not a person.

You have to remember to pack a bathing suit when going to the beach with vanilla friends.

You tell your friends that you can’t see them this weekend because you have your period.

When you invite your lifestyle friends to your house, they are not interested in eating…

You have had sleepovers with your friends.

You share a stall with your friends in the restroom.

You have to make a conscious effort not to discuss sex with your vanilla friends.

You have to remind yourself that you cannot just strip off your clothing and jump into a pool at a vanilla party.

You have discussed another man’s penis with your husband.

Your husband has told you that another woman is good in bed.

You’ve had some sexual contact with your best (lifestyle) friends.

You have to remember to keep your clothing on when on a vanilla vacation.

Did you shake your head in agreement more than twice?  Chances are you agreed to many of these.  If you did, congratulations!  You’re a swinger!

Be sure to check out our lifestyle jewelry!  We’ve recently added some new and exciting pieces!  https://www.swingersjewelry.net/jewelry-for-swingers/

 

 

 

 

 

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Aloha from friends who live in Hawaii! How’s the lifestyle in Hawaii?

 

Woman from Hawaii wearing Partners ID black choker
Hawaiin woman wearing Partners ID black choker

 

Welina Partners ID,

Aloha from friends who live in Hawaii!

For the first years we were in the lifestyle, we sought out vacationers from the mainland through sites like SLS and SDC but it was always complicated.

We found it frustrating that we had to hide who we were from everyone we knew.  We would read articles from your site and others about clubs and friendships that had enriched so many swinger’s lives.  

Although most people tend to imagine that Hawaii is full of people who are free thinking and sexually open, but that is a thing of the past.  Religion has taken a more important role here in Hawaii over the past 2 centuries and sex is no longer something most islanders approve of if it is not between a married couple.

After reading some of the stories on your website, we finally decided to buy jewelry.  (I attached a photo of the necklace I bought from you): https://www.swingersjewelry.net/product/black-velvet-choker-necklace-with-lifestyle-pendant/  not only to find other swingers but it made us each feel authentic.  We wore our jewelry like a symbol of pride.  We enjoyed knowing that here we were identifying ourselves to everyone yet nobody knew that the symbol has any meaning.  At times it made me giggle!  Often when I wear the jewelry to work (I work in a store that sells ladies clothing), women will ask if we sell the jewelry!  The owner even asked about stocking some in the store!  How funny is that?!  

When my husband and I finally get the same day off we like to go snorkeling.  We try to go early and have the rest of the day on the beach.  We were relaxing at the beach and this nice looking couple sets up right next to us with their beach gear.  They were very friendly and the man then asked about the lifestyle in Oahu (where we live).  I look at my husband and the man quickly pointed at his wife’s ankle bracelet.  I started to laugh because I forget that I’m wearing my necklace!  This happened a few months ago and was the best thing that ever happened to us!  We became very good friends (wink wink) and they had other friends that also are in the lifestyle.  They also introduced us to a group that has a small club so we have been so happy!  

Your jewelry is a good luck charm for us!  This is the happiest we have been since we moved back here 5 years ago!   You will see my order because I am ordering for our group!  They are very excited about it and so are we!

Mahalo nui loa,

Aloha mai e

Kailana & Bane

Oahu, Hawaii

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Sex is a lot like ice cream; we want variety and lots of it!

One of the great things about being a swinger is that you really never get tired of having sex. Let’s face it, when you have been married for 10, 15, 20 plus years, sex can become routine:  same time, same place, same positions, and let’s be honest, same person! It does not mean you do not love the person but hey, there are lots of other options out there! Let’s think of it this way: maybe you love ice cream. Do you eat the same flavor every single night of your life? Gosh, I hope not! How awful when there are so many delicious flavors and textures to choose from. One night you can eat sweet, tangy orange sherbert, the next how about a rich, luscious chocolate ice cream bar with a crunchy nougat shell? Mmmmm. Perhaps you prefer vanilla with a caramel topping and a cherry the following night. Catch my drift? Sex with different people can be compared to this. You don’t stop loving your favorite, you just like something different from time to time. What’s wrong with that?

Swinging is alot like this.  Your spouse is your favorite; that goes without saying.  The problem is, over time we can fall into a routine or even a rut.  We start to want something different for a change.  When sex is no longer spontaneous and exciting, most people lose interest.  When a couple is able to have an honest conversation about sex, this is a big plus.

Now for all of you vanilla people out there who frown upon people in the lifestyle, do you think just maybe, from time to time, you fantasize about what it would be like to sleep with someone else?  If you don’t, I am speechless. It’s impossible for me to believe that you don’t fantasize about a co worker, or someone famous or a family friend. It is normal and natural. Getting married or being in a committed relationship does not stop us from being sexual beings.   It provides us with a partner with whom you can  share your life.  Someone to raise a family with.  Someone to be by your side through thick and thin.   It also is someone with whom  you should have sex on a regular basis.  It does not mean that you will cease noticing attractive people or fantasizing what it would be like to have sex with them.

The lifestyle brings people together who do love their partner, but also love to have sex.  Most of these couples are looking for variety.  They are seeking out a way to spice up their sex lives together.  What sets them apart from other couples is that they take this step together.  Rather than one person, or both, sneaking out behind the others back, they discuss what is missing and try to find a solution as a couple.  The rewards for handling it this way are immense.

Couples in the lifestyle rediscover the thrill of the hunt.  The ability, as a couple, to go out and meet other couples together for sex.   Imagine discussing with your significant other which person appeals to you and to them.  We still get to maintain our relationship with our significant other while exploring our sexuality with others who are also open minded. What a great concept!   Imagine discussing the experience after the fact while wrapped in each others arms.  Giggling like children about the mishaps that occur from time to time.  It probably surprises vanilla people when they hear that swinging brings you closer to your partner.  The honesty is very liberating and creates a bond that is incredibly strong.

Swingers have truly discovered a way to have it all!   Each time swingers attend a party or club event, they know if they want to have sex, they can.    They also know if they want to try something or someone new, they can! How can you get tired of something new? You can’t…

Be sure to check out our new pieces of jewelry:  https://www.swingersjewelry.net/jewelry-for-swingers/

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When our children left for college, we discovered swinging!

Swinging couples taking shots wearing Partners ID jewelry

When our children left for college, we discovered we were bored. After venturing out to a strip club and meeting a bunch of swingers our lives have changed!

Hi Partners ID!

My name is Marie and my husband’s name is Larry. We love reading all the stories from your ( swinger) customers  so we thought we would chime in. Ours is different from any other story we have read so far.

Larry and I met in high school and got married when we graduated from college. We had three children and lived a pretty atypical suburban life. Over the past 20 years or so, we basically devoted our time and energy to raising our children and building a business.

Our youngest child left for college a few years ago. Like many other empty nesters, we looked at each other and wondered “now what”?

We traveled, took up golf and tried to find ways to keep the marriage happy. Our sex life was nothing to speak of but we were still very much in love.

One evening when we were trying to pick a movie to go and see my husband told me he was honestly tired of our routine. When I asked him if he had something in mind, he said he did. He announced that he wanted us to go to a strip club. I am willing to try just about anything once, so I said it was worth a try.

He told me he had done some research (not surprising) and had one picked out. I was a little nervous as this was my first time, but at the same time I was excited to go. We stopped to grab a quick bite to eat and a drink before heading over.

I was surprised at how nice the place was and never expected to see so many couples. I had imagined it would be mostly single men but I was wrong. We sat at a table and watched the girls parade around the place. A few came over and wanted to dance for us. At first I said no but after a few more drinks I was open to the idea.

We spent a few hours there and as it got later in the night we noticed a group sitting at a table near ours. There were about 8 couples all around a large table drinking and laughing and having a good time. The couples looked to be about our age and the women were dressed very sexy. After a while I noticed that some of the women were kissing more than one man and even kissing each other! My husband and I spent more time watching this group than the naked girls parading in front of us.

I had to use the restroom and when I returned, two women from that group were talking to my husband. I walked over and they quickly turned to me and introduced themselves. They were extremely friendly but it was odd to me that these women would approach my husband like this. They asked if we came to this place often and we explained it was our first time. They told us they frequently stopped here after a night at a swing club not far away.  A swing club?!  Really!

They invited us to come and sit with them. I was totally taken off guard. When do people ever try to pick up a couple? Weird!!! We agreed but my husband said we’d sit for a few minutes and leave. They offered us drinks and everyone was so friendly. I can honestly say I had never seen a group of people this friendly in my life. We had a few drinks and laughed and then I got up the nerve to ask about the swing club. They were all swingers and they pointed to their necklaces. I had never seen one before and had no idea what it meant. They explained that they wear the jewelry to meet other swingers. One of them slipped it off her neck and put it on my neck. She made me promise that I would wear it next weekend and we would try the swing club they had come from.

Believe it or not, we did indeed go and it was amazing! We had such a blast dancing and drinking with our new found friends. There was nothing awkward or uncomfortable about the entire first night.  Before this whole adventure, if you told us we would go out with a bunch of swingers we would have laughed.  If you told us we would become swingers, we would have told you you were crazy!  We did not go into the room in the back right away. It wasn’t until our 5th visit that we ventured back there.

This happened a year ago and we are not only regulars at the swing club, but we both own a piece of the jewelry and wear it all the time. My husband met a man when he was playing golf who approached him. We have been out with that couple several times as well.

We love the lifestyle, we love swingers and we love your jewelry!

Thanks!

Marie and Larry

Atlanta, GA

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Pegging; what is it and why is it supposed to be so pleasurable?  Is it a gateway to bisexual play?

 

 

It seems when you are in the lifestyle, you need to stay current with swinger’s vocabulary words.   Every time I think I have mastered it, I hear a new term that makes me run for my phone to look it up.  Today, the word of the day is “pegging”.  What is pegging?  It is when a woman penetrates a man’s ass, either with her finger, a dildo, vibrator or a strap on.   Most couples say that it begins with a woman using her finger and over time progresses to something more. 

Although the activity is not new, I was not aware that there was a word to describe it.   I can remember many years ago my husband mentioning that during play with another couple, the woman had inserted her finger into his ass.  He said that if anyone had seen his facial expression at that moment, he is certain, they would have laughed out loud.  He told me that it was almost a cartoonish expression with his eyes wide open and a look of complete shock on his face.  He was not expecting it and she was not subtle about her approach.  When I asked if he liked it, he said he was too shocked to say one way or the other.

One thing that people tend to want others to know, is that pegging is not in any way a “gay thing”.  Pegging takes place between a man and a woman so those who engage in this type of play want others to understand this.  Pegging does require a man to relinquish his role as the dominant partner and become the submissive partner.  For some men, they are simply not comfortable with this, for those who can do this, they swear by the benefit.

Pegging causes stimulation directly to the prostate gland.  The prostate gland is supposed to be so sensitive that simply stimulating this gland can bring men to orgasms that are much stronger than the traditional kind achieved by penile stimulation.   There is also a heavy supply of nerve endings in the anus which when touched, provide a tremendous amount of pleasure. 

Is this ever a gateway to bisexual play?  Although many men swear that it is not, many men say that it was for them.  Prior to pegging, they had no interest in other men but after experiencing the sensation that pegging created, they became curious and open.  While again, not all men follow this route, some do.  

What does the woman get out of this?  Many women have discovered strap ons that have vibrators built in which stimulate their clit during play.  This allows both the man and the woman to have simultaneous pleasure.  Other couples say that pegging was what opened them up to MFM play where the second male is behind the woman.  

There is no room in the lifestyle for judgment.  Everyone is there to live out their sexual fantasies.  If something feels good, people should be open to exploring.  Often, couples enter the lifestyle because their significant other is not open to certain types of play.  They are there looking for the experience with someone who is willing.   

Pegging is said to be very enjoyable but all men said the same thing:  this is not an activity to surprise someone with.  It is better to discuss this beforehand and to take things slow.

We already know that bisexuality amongst men is frowned upon in most swing clubs.  They have a policy that basically lets men know that they are free to do as they please behind closed doors in private rooms but there is no tolerance for public displays of male on male contact.  It seems that for many couples, this extends to pegging.  Even when it is from woman to man, this is generally done in private rooms.  Although I have personally witnessed women doing this, it’s not common to see.  

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“How do I get my wife into swinging” seems to be the most frequently asked question on the forums.

Swinging couples wearing Partners ID Jewelry
Swinging couples wearing Partners ID Jewelry
It seems every swinger forum on the internet has the same question regarding swinging:  a man asking how to get his wife into swinging.  One of the things that men must do when their wife is opposed to the idea, is to try to understand why.
 First of all, swinging is not for everyone.  Secondly, swinging is a process and a big part of this process has to do with the man.  It is very important to try to discover what it is about swinging that scares her.  For many women, one very big problem is body image.  Having been in a comfortable relationship with her husband and perhaps having had children, her body may not have been a priority for many years.  The thought of having to go out and “compete” for male attention could be scary for her.  The thought of taking off her clothing in front of strangers is hard to imagine.  We met a man recently who told us he knew his wife would never agree to step foot in a swing club.  Instead of pursuing it, he suggested they learn how to box, that it was something he had always been interested in and wanted to do it with her.  She agreed.  After six months he could see how much more confident she was with her body and encouraged her to buy something sexy to wear.  It was then that he told her he wished he could take her out somewhere in that dress and show her off.  A few days later he told her he had seen something about a swing club online and would love to just go and see it.  He told her it would be the perfect place to wear her new dress.  Guess what?  She agreed and they are now regulars in the club.
For some people, entering the lifestyle can bring back memories of high school days.  When you get married, you stop looking for someone because you have someone.  Many people are not sure they want to be back in the “dating scene” at this stage of their life; they thought that was behind them.  Perhaps that was not an easy time for them and it’s not something they want to revisit.  For some women, it could be the thought that you might find someone “better” than her.  It would seem logical to me that when you first bring up the topic of swinging, your wife will want to know why you want to do this.  How you handle this could be the difference between getting her to try and abandoning the idea entirely.
For many couples there are different stages that precede swinging.  Many couples have been watching porn together and fantasizing about what some of the situations they see would be like for them.  They experiment with toys and positions, some even go to strip clubs together.
Rather than asking her flat out about swinging, perhaps talking about who and what she fantasizes about while you are having sex would be a good start.  Encourage her to understand that it is normal to have fantasies and that it turns you on to hear about hers.  When she gets to the point that she’s comfortable with this conversation maybe then it is time to suggest that seeing these types of scenarios would be so hot for both of you.  Tell her you read or heard about swinging and thought it would be fun to just check out a swing club; just the two of you.  If she feels no pressure she might surprise you and be willing to make a fun evening out of it.  The most important thing to remember is to do what you say.  If you tell her just a fun evening with no pressure, make sure that is all it is.
The hardest part for most couples is getting the unwilling partner into a club for the first time.  Most couples are surprised at how comfortable they felt and that it was nothing like they had imagined.  Going step by step and reassuring her that it is not for yourself but for the two of you as a couple is crucial.  Try to keep in mind any reasons that she has given you for not wanting to try a swing club.  If she has poor body image, tell her how beautiful and sexy she is.
 When you finally get her to agree to go to a swing club, make sure you pay attention to her when you are in the club.   Don’t let her feel like you are checking out every beautiful woman in the club or it will reinforce any insecurities she might have regarding swinging.  If you do have a chance to talk to other couples, make sure she feels that you have her back.  Hold her hand, play with her hair, do whatever it takes to make her feel special.  The better she feels about herself and her relationship with you when you are at the club, the more likely she will want to return.   Taking the time to help her to overcome her misgivings about swinging will pay off big time in the end.
The couples who remain in the lifestyle for a long time are the couples who entered the lifestyle slowly.  They did not rush to play with other couples right away and did not pressure their partners into doing things they were not comfortable with.
 If a man is truly interested in getting his wife into swinging, patience is a must!
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Vanilla couples; are they secretly wishing to explore the lifestyle?

Vanilla couple trying on Partners ID jewelry
Vanilla couple trying on Partners ID jewelry
 What separates vanilla folks from those in the lifestyle?  (For those who do not know the term, someone who is vanilla, is someone who is not in the lifestyle.) Is it that they are having such mind blowing sex with their spouse or significant other that they never even think about being with someone else? That seems highly unlikely.  It seems impossible to believe that every adult does not at some time fantasize about having sex with someone else. It is normal and it is human.  It does not mean that they will act on it, it strictly means they have thought about what it would be like.
Sex is a big part of adult life and although some people like to disagree, all we need to do is to consider the billion dollar porn industry.  If nobody is that interested in sex, who on earth is watching all of that porn?  How many marriages fall apart because one person wants sex and the other has lost interest?  One person has a choice at that point:  cheat or leave.
One thing that I really appreciate about swingers is that they are honest about sex.  They like sex, they want sex and they think it is normal to talk about sex.  They have learned to make the difference between sex and love.   They have learned how to channel their desire for sex and their desire for excitement, while staying in their committed relationship.  It’s a win – win.
We talk about the fact that swing clubs are trending and based on the number of vanilla couples visiting swing clubs, they are trending for sure.  What about the couples who have not explored the lifestyle?  What makes some couples take the plunge and others not?
Having been in the lifestyle for over ten years, we are at the point where most of our weekends are spent either at private parties or swing clubs.  We did have an obligatory dinner this past weekend with some vanilla friends and it was very interesting.  I noticed that after a few drinks there was a lot of flirting between the couples.  At one point (we were at someone’s home) a song came on and two of the women got up and danced together.  They were not provocative, but the men ran for their phones and were cheering them on.  My husband and I just sat and watched.  Obviously for us, this is nothing new, except that there was no touching and they were wearing clothing.  It occurred to me throughout the night that our vanilla friends had some sexual tension between them, but they kept it in check.  There is no way that they are acting on it but I couldn’t help but wonder if they don’t think about it at night when they go their separate ways.  They know we are in the lifestyle but never ask us about it so we do not offer any information.
Is it possible for some couples to be satisfied with these type of interactions and never consider acting on them?  I realize it must be, as most people are not swingers and would never consider this lifestyle.  Are these the type of couples that go on to have affairs?  Do they spend their lives secretly wishing they could be with someone else?  Perhaps for them it is too risky.
Perhaps this is what lifestyle couples have in common; they are risk takers.  There are always going to be exceptions to every rule, but in this case, it seems very possible that this is a common trait amongst many swingers.  Think about the people you know in the lifestyle.  Most of them are a little bit more daring than others you know.  When I consider the jobs swingers have, although they obviously cover a huge spectrum, there are some similarities.  We have met many doctors, lawyers, stock brokers, ex cops, veterans, firefighters, paramedics, etc.  What do all of their jobs have in common?  They are risky; they can never predict the outcome of what they do.  They are not like accountants or engineers or architects where things are mapped out so there is never room for a questionable outcome.  Interestingly enough, we rarely encounter accountants, architects or engineers in the lifestyle.
If couples are afraid of risk, the lifestyle is the last place you will find them.  Everyone who swings realizes that when you enter the lifestyle you lose a little control over your relationship.  You have to have a tremendous amount of faith in both yourself and your partner to be able to partake.  Imagine the man who thinks he wants to play with other women only until he sees his wife enjoy having sex with another man.  He took a risk.  He came into the lifestyle and allowed his wife to play with someone else.  For some people, they have enough confidence to believe their wife (or husband) will enjoy the moment and want only to be back with them.  Others will not have that confidence, so the risk is too high.  It is the same for women; sure my husband seems satisfied with  me now, but he might meet a prettier, slimmer woman with a better body.  What if she’s better in bed than I am?  How will things ever be the same with my husband again?  When you think about it this way, swinging can seem like a risk many couples would rather not take.
It is easy to understand vanilla couples acting as though they are perfectly happy with their marriage just as it is, and wanting us to imagine that their sex lives are perfect.  If they were to open up and say they are curious, or have thought about having sex with someone else, they might get invited into the lifestyle and they are not ready for that risk.  It would seem impossible to believe that if vanilla couples were truly honest with themselves that they could say they have never thought about having sex with someone else.  I guess the difference between couples who take the lifestyle plunge and those who don’t, is that swingers are more open and honest with their partners.  It can be very risky to even ask your partner if they will try the lifestyle, but for those of us who did, the rewards have been huge.
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The down and the dirty; what turns people off when swinging?

Swinging woman in bed wearing Partners ID jewelry
Annoyed woman in bed wearing Partners ID jewelry

In a perfect world, swingers and swinging would be perfect.  We all know from experience, that nothing is perfect.  We all wish we could simply educate people as to what not to do in the lifestyle, but that would be rude.  So instead, simply send this blog out in a mass email and hope for the best!

So what are people doing that we find so annoying?  Let’s start with a list:

  1. Body odor (any kind, doesn’t matter where or why)
  2. Bad breath (probably could be included under number 1 but want to make sure people see this)
  3. Poor hygiene
  4. Talking during sex.  (We will explain later)
  5. Cheering from the stands (obviously only when you’re swinging in a club or group setting)
  6. Someone telling you what to do and how to do it
  7. When someone tries to do something unconventional without asking
  8. Having someone tell you how much you like what they are doing to you
  9. When someone asks: “Did you cum yet?”
  10. Telling couples that you are so shy and new but the reality is exactly the opposite.  
  11.   Attention seekers.
  12.   Snobs
  13.   People who impose their fantasies on other people.
  14.   Calling others over to join in while you are playing.

Let’s start with the body odor.  This is pretty self explanatory.  Nobody wants to play with someone who smells.  Not hair, underarms, genitals or any place else.  It’s just gross.  For everyone’s sake, please make sure to shower and wear clean clothing when you go out to swing.  Put on deodorant and heck, wear some cologne or perfume, it can’t hurt!  Body odor is a deal breaker for most couples in the lifestyle.  

Bad breath is a common problem but pretty easy to solve.  Take your pick:  breath mints, breath strips, chewing gum, mouth wash, or mouth spray.  We are not picky, just make sure to use it as often as you need it!  We are always confused when one person has very bad breath and their significant other doesn’t tell them.  We are alway trying to figure out if the significant other has become immune to the smell; why else wouldn’t they alert their partner?

It’s hard to believe that poor hygiene is actually a problem that some swingers encounter, but it is.  It would seem that when people are headed out to meet others for sex, good hygiene would be a priority.  Sadly, this is not always the case. I am sure that these people have a tough time finding others to play with.  

Talking during sex can be a real turn off for some people.  To be in the moment with your partner requires a certain amount of concentration.  No matter how funny that joke is, it can wait.  It’s a huge turn off when someone interrupts your kissing to tell you something.  If the building’s not on fire, whatever you have to say can wait. 

Cheering from the stands is high on many people’s list of things they hate.  We don’t need your comments or applause when we are playing.  If you enjoy watching, fine, do it, but please don’t give us your two cents.  Don’t cheer us on to cum or for him to keep going.  It’s a mood killer and it seems nobody wants to hear it.

While many of us can appreciate that some people have a very specific way of playing, giving too many instructions to your partner can be annoying.  Do this, push harder, go deeper, turn right, turn left etc. is not a huge turn on for most people.   If we need an instruction manual to play with you, we’d rather just not play with you at all.  

Not everyone is open to everything and this can sometimes be a problem  If you are thinking double penetration or anything anal related, it’s probably a good thing to ask your partner first.  The same goes for men touching men.  Better to be upfront about what you are hoping for then to surprise a couple when they are in a compromising position.  The same goes for playing bareback.  If you and your partner prefer to play without condoms, don’t assume that everyone shares your views.  This is something that should be discussed ahead of time.  If a man hands you a condom when you are playing with his wife, he expects you to put it on.  Don’t try to simply “slip it in” to see if you can get away without one.  Also, please don’t tell us your too big and no condom will fit.

We all know when we are enjoying ourselves and when something feels good to us.  Unless you are the type who lies there staring at the ceiling, you probably do something to let your partner know you are enjoying what they are doing.  The last thing anyone needs to hear from the person they are playing with is, “That feels so good for you, right?”  “You like that.”  Especially when it is said over and over.  That can be extremely irritating.

This is somewhat related to the above problem.  It’s natural to make some type of noise when you orgasm.  This usually allows your partner to know when it happens.  There have been men who have made me scream and not long after will turn to me and ask me if I came.  Seriously?  You didn’t know?  Are they asking just to hear you say yes?  I am never sure.  

This seems to be a growing trend:  meeting a couple and the woman tells you that they are very new to the lifestyle.  She says she has never played, she is very shy and unsure about the whole thing.  Maybe everyone can take it slow and she can just play touchy feely with the other woman.  No sooner is everyone naked and she’s grinding away with your partner.  To top things off, she tells the group her fantasy has always been double penetration.  WHOA!! What?!  You are left with your mouth open while she screws your guy and hers and you are left to watch.  What just happened?  Sometimes the man she is with is just as shocked and he is so busy watching her that he can’t even get an erection!  While we have no objection to anyone that wants to play, why not be honest from the get go?

Attention seekers are annoying to everyone.  They are the loudest and most annoying people in the lifestyle.  When everyone else is lying down, they are standing on the mattress, when people are sitting down, they are dancing.  You know who they are and nobody wants to be with them.  They are always screaming with pleasure and most people would like to put a pillow over their mouth.

Snobs are always low on the totem pole.  Nobody likes to associate with someone who is too good for them.  They walk around acting like everyone is lucky to be in their presence.  They are generally not very successful with swingers.

Everyone has a fantasy but that does not mean we all share the same ones.  If your fantasy is something that others might not be ok with, better to play them out at home.  Golden showers and other bodily oddities don’t fly with everyone.  Nobody likes to find themselves with a partner who is asking something outrageous of them.  If your fantasy is something out of the ordinary it might be a good idea to ask people before hand.  Their facial expression should be a good indication as to whether they are ok with this.

When you are playing with another person or couple, they can sometimes get caught up in the moment and decide to share their good time with others who are around.  That might be fine but it is always best to ask the people you are playing with before you do this.  Randomly inviting others to join in is not always appreciated.  Many people like to know the people they play with or have certain standards by which they choose others to play with.  When a couple simply waves another couple (or single man) over to join in, this can make people unhappy and uncomfortable.  

Swinging can be a lot of fun but sometimes people do things to ruin the experience.  These are just some of the problems people encounter that can be a real turn off.  If you swing and have discovered that you rarely get a second chance to play with the same couples, you might want to take a look at some of the reasons people might try to avoid playing with you.   Most of the pet peeves that irritate people are easy to fix.  

 

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How’s that snobby attitude working for you? Why cocky people don’t have success in the lifestyle.

Snobby woman wearing Partners ID jewelry
Snobby woman wearing Partners ID jewelry

How’s that snobby attitude working for you?

Everyone has come across that person in the lifestyle.   You know who they are; standing around scoffing at others in a lifestyle environment.  In their mind, they are too superior to be surrounded by such, well, inferior people.  They think are the very definition of beauty and intellect  You can’t miss them, they stand around with their nose in the air.   Thankfully, they are not the norm but it doesn’t make it any easier to stomach them when they show up.

Why on earth do some people have such an attitude of superiority?  Nothing like a healthy dose of self confidence!  If these people are as irresistible as they tend to believe, why are they so frequently alone?

We watched a woman like this just last night.  She was not nearly as attractive as she imagined she was but her attitude was so awful, we could barely stop staring at her.  (Perhaps this is why she has so much confidence!  People stare at her not because she’s so beautiful, but rather because she’s so obnoxious!)  

This particular woman held her head high in the air and watched to make sure everyone looked at her as they walked past her.  Needless to say, most people did not give her a second look but she kept at it.  Any time a woman walked past her, she would laugh, as if to let the other woman that know she didn’t approve of her look.  She would throw her head back, point at the woman and whisper in her husband’s ear.  It was hard not to say something to her (or smack her).  It was so incredibly rude.

Her husband tried for a long time to coerce her to mingle with other couples but she was not interested.  When she finally spotted a man who she deemed worthy, she made her move.  She flirted shamelessly with him all the while keeping her back to the man’s wife.  Her hands were all over him and she giggled at everything he said.  Her husband tried to speak with the wife but she was clearly on high alert that this woman was not someone with whom she wanted to be involved.   When she thought she had this man’s interest, she walked away and made her way to the dance floor.  She was putting on a show that nobody seemed interested in watching, including her husband and the couple with whom she had just interacted.  

We lost sight of this woman during the evening but later on they walked past us on their way out of the club.  I overheard her telling the manager that the crowd was sub par at best, a huge disappointment for such a well known club.  

There is no place in the lifestyle for this type of person.  Swingers pride themselves on their warmth and friendliness.   That is what sets them apart from the rest of the world.  There is no rule that says you must play with everyone you speak with or even that you must become friends.  There is, however, an understanding of common courtesy towards others. 

Most people we have encountered in the lifestyle are looking for fun.  They want to feel free to let their hair down and enjoy themselves.  When they encounter someone like this, they simply move away.   People are not attracted to others who hold themselves in such high regard that they try to make others feel bad about themselves.  This is not high school and the last thing any swinger is looking for is drama.

These types of people rarely make more than one appearance at lifestyle events because it soon becomes apparent to them that they are too good for everyone. (That’s a good thing!) It is however, a good lesson for others to learn.  Nobody likes someone who feels that they are better than others. It doesn’t matter if the person is extremely attractive, very wealthy, has a very high powered job or is famous. When you are at a lifestyle event, none of that matters.  The people who have the most success in the lifestyle are the friendly ones.  If you are warm and inviting, you will attract other couples.  

The pitfalls of relying on social media to meet other swingers.

Couple text messaging wearing Partners ID jewelry
Couple text messaging wearing Partners ID jewelry

Social media has become a way of life for most people. We have email, instant messaging and text at our finger tips. When we wanted to communicate in the past, we picked up a phone and called someone. Now it has become much easier and more popular to just shoot a message to someone. With this surge in use of nonverbal communication has come some problems. When we speak in person with someone, they can hear our intonations as we speak. They can hear our excitement, our anger, if we pause they can rethink what they said and try to explain on the spot, etc. When we read a message, at times, we can misinterpret what they writer is trying to convey to us.

How does this affect swingers looking for other swingers?

Simply put, when a couple is attempting to communicate with another couple and they rely on a messaging platform, things they write can be misconstrued. It becomes especially touchy when these couples have never met. Sometimes a person has a sense of humor that will come across in their messages. If you don’t know that this person is sarcastic, for example, you might misinterpret them as being arrogant. A person who is shy might come across as being disinterested. Perhaps one couple is very busy and so there can be a long delay between messages. If english is the person’s second language, their writing might be seen as a lack of intelligence or education. In any case, the couples might decide against meeting each other for reasons that are not valid.

The other problem that is rampant is many couples disregard for the truth. The number one complaint seems to be the outdated photos that many couples choose to post. Regardless of how attractive and fit you were ten years ago, that no longer represents what you look like today. If you are afraid that people will not be attracted by your current photos, this is not a reason to post old ones. After all, you will eventually meet in person and the first thing they will notice, is that you do not look like your pictures. Many people say that they do this because although people might not like their pictures, they are sure they can win them over if they meet in person. The truth is, it does not work like this. We have heard many couples talk about how when they spotted the couple they had arranged to meet and realized they did not look like their photos, they turned around and left.

The other problems with swinger profiles is lying about age and not being truthful about what you are looking for. If you do not have experience or are not totally comfortable with swapping, be honest. At some point, all of your lies will become apparent to the couples that you meet and then it is awkward for everyone. Don’t shave 10 years off of your age and then be surprised when the couple who agrees to meet you is not interested. Don’t expect another couple to “take it slow” if you have written that you are full swap and have tons of experience. Honesty goes a long way in making encounters successful and enjoyable. You will find couples to match with if you let them know who you really are.

Facetime and Skype have given us the ability to chat live and perhaps this is the best way to be sure that the couple in the pictures look the same in person. This also allows you to speak in “real time” and avoid the problems that messaging can cause. Let’s not forget that in some areas, people have to travel quite a distance to meet each other. Areas that do not have a swing club or any type of meet and greet tend to be remote. This causes them to be dependent upon messaging.

When messaging with other couples just remember how many times your chats with family and friends have been misunderstood. Not because of what you wrote necessarily, but rather the way the reader interpreted what you meant to say or how you meant to say it. Give people the benefit of the doubt and always try to connect either by video chat or on the phone. This allows you the comfort of hearing what someone is saying and how they are saying it.

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