Uninhibited: Perhaps this should be the word to replace swinger.

Uninhibited woman wearing Partners ID jewelry
Uninhibited woman wearing Partners ID jewelry

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Uninhibited? Perhaps this is the term we should use to replace the word swinger.

We have spoken before about how the term ‘swinger’ is outdated.  Today, the word swinger  has a negative  connotation which dates back to the 1970s. Swingers are no longer a part of the key club culture and they also gave up their huckapoo shirts and nylon slacks decades ago. The word swinger seems to conjure up an image of older folks groping each other and partaking in massive, hairy orgies. It is for this reason, that finding a new word to replace the word “swinger” seems necessary.

The term open-minded has been suggested and we have discussed this as well. It seems like a good option but today we would like to consider the word “uninhibited.”

The word uninhibited, according to the free dictionary means the following:

uninhibited
adjective
1. not inhibited or restricted; unhampered.
2. not restrained by or mindful of social convention or usage; free; candid or spontaneous.

When a friend suggested this term I thought, bingo! This is exactly the word I would use to describe swingers. Although many vanilla people think swingers are wild, reckless and depraved, the word uninhibited exudes a much clearer image of who swingers really are.

Swingers are the first to argue that they are, for the most part, no different from anyone else. The central difference between swingers and their vanilla friends is their desire to enjoy sex with more than one person.

Swingers have the ability to let loose and experiment sexually with other people in ways we have always been taught were wrong. We either learned this from our parents or our religion. Sex was intended to take place only between a married couple. Not between two women, not between two men and certainly not with a multitude of partners. We grew up learning to be modest and to cover up our bodies (especially women).

While these teachings were consistent with generations of the past, with the decline of religion over the past decade or so, and with the Baby Boomers now parents and grandparents, we have seen a shift in many people’s moral compass. People are more open to new ideas and beliefs, which has in turn led people to a more open-minded way of thinking.

Interestingly enough, even with the more relaxed attitudes we see today, swingers remain outcasts. It has become both common and acceptable to reveal to friends, family and coworkers your sexual orientation as well as your gender identity, but it is still not acceptable to be a swinger.

If society refuses to accept swingers, perhaps the best course of action is to change the word associated with swinging. In order to change the mind set, the most logical thing to do is to change the word. Take for example the word stripper. We no longer refer to women as strippers. Exotic dancer has become the new term. The name is chic and no longer elicits an image of vaudeville days with trashy women wearing tassels on their breasts. The term exotic dancer, although it means exactly the same thing as stripper, paints a much more palatable image of a beautiful woman dancing in a club.

As swingers, if we were to change the terminology to simply say that we are uninhibited adults, this would erase the image of bunch of old, out of shape people engrossed in an orgy. For vanilla people, the term will imply little more than an individual who is open to new thoughts and ideas.  People who are uninhibited are not prudish or uptight. If peopleare truly uninhibited, they would be open to the notion of swinging but may or may not partake. This would allow us the freedom to let the world know that we are unconventional or free thinking.  It does not say anything about us sexually. It simply invites open conversations between adults who are uninhibited like ourselves.

Swingers must take the initiative to help change the stigma attached to living this lifestyle. Acknowledging to others that you are uninhibited gives away little about your lifestyle. I truly believe that if the word swinger was abolished, many people who are actually swinging, although they claim that is not what they are doing, would readily admit that they are uninhibited.  This would help build the community while at the same time helping swingers to be accepted for their lifestyle choices.  After all, telling people that you are uninhibited does not really tell them precisely what you are doing.

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Swingers: Why is it a secret that you are in the lifestyle?

 

Woman hiding under a hat wearing Partners ID lifestyle jewelry

 

Here it is, the year 2019!  Happy New Year!

It is normal to end one year and to begin a new one with some self reflection.  What you accomplished, what you did not, and to think ahead to the upcoming year.  Perhaps some of you make new years resolutions.  Whatever the case, it is normal to think about life during this time.

What are you hoping for this new year?

What do you hope this new year will bring?  Obviously, we all want world peace and good health.  Many wish for prosperity and other such things.  This is normal.  While I too, wish for these things, I also find myself continually asking myself about the things that never seem to change.  Sure, politics come to mind but that is another subject entirely.  For me, I cannot help but wonder why swinging is still seen as something taboo.  What on earth are we so ashamed of?

Are people still afraid to let others know that they are in the lifestyle?

Why do swingers feel the need to keep their lifestyle a secret?  I frequently hear swingers say that nobody knows that they are in the lifestyle.  They would die if someone found out.   Why is that?  What do people think when they hear someone they know is a swinger?  It reminds me of the time before I had ever had sex.   I couldn’t imagine how you could face the person you had sex with afterwards.  What would they think after they had seen you in such a compromising way?  How would others see you? Obviously I discovered that these fears were unfounded.  Nobody seemed to look at me any differently, and facing the guy who I was with was no problem.  So what is it that makes us fear discovery?

 What is it that swingers fear about exposure?

Curiousity got the best of me and so I started to ask swingers.  I asked a group of swingers if they are very religious, but they are not.  I wondered if their children were at an age that it would create confusion and uncertainty, but they are not.  Do they think they are doing something criminal or unethical?  They do not.  Hmm.  Would exposure embarrass them?   This question got a nod.   Embarrassed? Why?  In truth, swingers are doing something that most people wish they could do.  They have sex with others and it doesn’t destroy their marriage.  Why?  Because two consenting adults have agreed to enter into this together.  There are no lies or secrets.

Would friends and family alienate you if they found out you were having an affair?

Admitting that you are a swinger should be a lot less traumatic than admitting you are having an affair, no?  After all, one is cheating and lying to someone you say you are in love with, the other is not.  Cheaters sneak around, worrying that they will be caught.   Getting caught would disrupt their lives and the lives of those around them.  Swingers, on the other hand, are out having a great time together.  They are out enjoying parties and events with their significant other.  This is something that others only dream of.

I wonder how many swingers are truly living this lifestyle unbeknownst to their friends and family.  Probably not nearly as many as believe they are.  Often times I watch swingers arrive at a club clad in an over sized trench coat in the middle of the summer.  When I ask these women if their family or neighbors don’t find this strange they say they don’t think so.  Really?  It’s 90 degrees outside and you leave your house or condo wearing a trench coat cinched at the waste with stiletto heels and nobody thinks that’s odd?

What happens to couples who come clean about the lifestyle?

Many swingers have said that when they finally decided to disclose to friends and family that they were swingers, many were not surprised.  Many said they had known about it for years but understood the swinger couple wanted to keep it to themselves.  (If these were the trench coat women, it’s no wonder people knew.)

What about the family and friends who did not suspect this person or couple was in the lifestyle?  What was their reaction?  Were they shocked and appalled?  Not according to the people I have spoken with.  Most said that more than anything, they were curious about swinging.  They asked a lot of questions but did not seem to have a negative reaction.  Many couples said that both friends and many family members (mostly siblings), eventually asked if they could tag along one night to see what it was all about.

Stop apologizing for your lifestyle choices; it’s your life and your decision to make.

Like any other group, in order to gain acceptance, we must learn to stand up for what we believe in.  Swingers should not be ashamed of their lifestyle.  Obviously it is not necessary to divulge what you do when you are at a swing club, or party or other event.  Most people do not give blow by blow (pun intended) details to others about what they do in their bedrooms.  No need to reveal that you participated in a gang bang with 15+ men last Saturday. Nobody needs to know that you tried double penetration for the first time and loved it.  Many swingers don’t swap, and many people in the lifestyle are not swingers.  Enjoying the warm atmosphere that accompanies the lifestyle is a wonderful thing and people should not have to hide from it.

Why do people find it acceptable to learn that many famous couples are swingers?  Why are they held to a different standard than the rest of us.  Because they are famous?   Some are highly influential people and they do not deny that they are swingers.  Famous people frequently answer questions about their lifestyle and seem quite comfortable doing so.

What does wearing lifestyle jewelry actually say about you?

Wearing our jewelry means that you are open minded.  If you think about it, being a part of the lifestyle really doesn’t mean more than that.   If your children or parents told you the same thing, would it concern you?  Although it might surprise you, you would  be happy to see them happy.

When we initially came up with the concept for the jewelry, we had just this vision in mind.  Wear the jewelry with pride.  First of all, others do not know what it means.  Secondly, even if they did, what does it really say about you?  It says that you are an open minded person.

Let’s continue the movement to unite the lifestyle.  People in the lifestyle could really teach others a lot about relationships.  Honesty, respect and fun are the three hallmarks of the lifestyle.  What could be better than that?

To see our collection of lifestyle jewelry click here:  https://www.swingersjewelry.net/jewelry-for-swingers/page/2/

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A New Year’s Eve story that almost didn’t have a happy ending.

New Year's eve couple wearing Partners ID lifestyle jewelry

My wife’s favorite night of the year happens to be New Year’s Eve.  She loves shopping for a special dress, getting her hair done and spending the night at her favorite swing club.

My wife and I have been in the lifestyle for a long time (almost 20 years).  Our social life is limited to swing clubs and private parties, meet and greets and Sunday fundays.  We vacation at Desire and try to catch at least one lifestyle cruise every year.  Yes, we are hard core but this is our life and we love it.

We spend every Christmas in South Florida visiting my parents.   We discovered Trapeze about 10 years ago and have been going there every New Year’s Eve since discovering this club.  This year was to be no exception.  

We arrived in Florida for Christmas Eve and settled in for our 2 week stay.  Everything was great until we got a phone call early December 31 from her mother.  Her dad was admitted to the hospital with chest pains and they believed he had suffered a heart attack.

We soon boarded a plane and headed to Connecticut to see her dad.  Our only thought at this point was her dad and his health.

Long story short, we arrived at the hospital and her dad was resting comfortably.  He had not had a heart attack but did require a stent to prevent one.  He was fine and would be released the next morning.  We drove her mom home and she wanted nothing more than to sleep.

So here it is New Year’s Eve, in Connecticut, and we have no place to go.  Since my wife did not actually grow up in Connecticut, she is not familiar with the night life.  It was getting late so we decided to at least try to find a restaurant where we could enjoy a nice dinner.  

Not far from where her parents live is a tavern that advertised live music and dancing.  At least it was something!  The bar was lively with groups of people out to celebrate New Years Eve.  They had a large screen tv set up to watch the ball drop in Times Square.  My wife and I were anxious to relax and enjoy the evening and ordered some drinks.  Luckily we were seated at a table quickly and were able to get some food.  

After we finished eating we were happy to join the party goers out on the dance floor.  We had about 30 minutes before midnight and spent the entire time dancing.  

Our attention turned to the dj as he counted down the remaining 10 seconds of 2018.  As he screamed happy new year at exactly midnight, I turned to kiss my wife.  Just as we kissed, a couple appeared next to us, telling us they were next.  I was totally caught off guard when this attractive woman started kissing me right on the mouth.  As I turned to look at my wife, she and the man were deep into a french kiss of their own. 

I took a step backward to try to see if we knew this couple.  The woman reached over and tugged at my necklace.  “We have these too,” she said, which made me smile right away.   We spent the rest of the night with this couple and that is how new years was saved!  Obviously we are so grateful that we wear this lifestyle jewelry because without it, we would have not have met them.  It was a wonderful and memorable evening!

Happy New Year to everyone!

Cheers!

Alex and Anna

Ashburn, VA

Remember to check out our lifestyle jewelry here:  https://www.swingersjewelry.net/jewelry-for-swingers/

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A woman discovers her close friends are swingers when she wears our necklace.

 

Friends in a park wearing Partners ID lifestyle jewelry

 

Dear Partners ID,

My name is Katie and I have a story for those swingers who are not wearing your jewelry.

My husband and I were at a swing club one night and your jewelry was being sold. I looked at it and loved it but my husband didn’t see why we would need it. I let it go but couldn’t stop thinking about it. Many people in the club were wearing it and quite honestly, I couldn’t help but think that it made a lot of sense. It is beautiful and so simple to recognize, why not wear it and see what comes of it?

We flew back the next day but before we left the club the night before, I grabbed one of your cards. When we got home I went onto your website and ordered a necklace. Unfortunately the one I had seen in the club was no longer available.

When it arrived I put it on and pretty much forgot about it. One day I was at the dog park with my dog and I saw a couple that we have been friendly with for a few years. I walked over to talk to them and as I was admiring how incredibly handsome the man was, his wife (my friend) asks me to just kiss him already. I turned to look at her and she had a smile on her face. She nods to me and when I turn to look at him he grabs me and kisses me. I was in total shock and my initial thought was that this must be a dream. As I stood with my mouth open she reached into his t shirt and pulls out his necklace! After all these years! We wasted so many nights with them when we could have been playing!

Needless to say, this was the beginning a very exciting relationship. Our date nights with this couple have changed from small talk over dinner and maybe a movie, to swing clubs and private parties in their home.

Without this necklace, I would never have known that our friends were also swingers! We have since ordered a bracelet for my husband, as he is now a believer!

Thanks for letting me share my story!

Katie

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Why are we swingers? The question should be: why aren’t you swingers?

Swingers generally believe that they are keeping their lifestyle a secret.  They go about their lives in the vanilla world with their children and their jobs waiting for the weekends.  Suddenly, as the weekend arrives, these regular Jones change into party animals.  You can spot them by the clothing they wear and the smiles on their faces.  Most swingers I know, anxiously await the time to leave their homes for their night out.

Don’t get me wrong, all through the week swingers are mentally planning their next adventure whether it be a meet and greet, hotel takeover, visit to a swing club or a night at a private party.   Women are planning what they will wear and men are stocking up on their liquor of choice (swing events are almost always bring your own bottle).  They might outwardly appear to be regular people, with regular lives, but come the weekend, all bets are off!

At some point, many swingers come to the realization that perhaps their private life is not such a secret after all.  It might be a family member or close friend who mentions that they have been aware for some time that the two of you are swingers.  It might be the way people look at you or subjects they talk to you about.  Sometimes people will not come right out and confront you but will drop subtle hints hoping you will start the dialogue.  Whatever the case, if you are active in the lifestyle, chances are, some people close to you have figured it out.

Ok, so now someone has confronted you and you figure what the heck, I will fess up.  The first question they are likely to ask is: why are you swingers?

This is the best question ever!  I would probably respond by saying, “How much time do you have?”

The reasons that bring people into the lifestyle are probably not the reasons that keep them there.  Many people enter the lifestyle because they are curious or would like to play out their fantasies or see their partner do something while they watch.  Those are not really the reasons people stay in the lifestyle.   Once you know what is behind that door, if you are like most people, you don’t want to close it!

So why are we swingers?  Let’s see… before we were in the lifestyle, our weekends were pretty predictable.  Friday nights were usually met with the same “what do you want to do tonight” followed by the same question on Saturday night.  It’s not that we didn’t have a social life,  we did, and we had plenty of friends.  However, how many weekends can you spend going out for dinner or a movie?  Parties?  Most parties were for birthdays or holidays, but not really more than that.  When we did have these weekly dinners with friends what did we talk about?  Almost every time we would talk about our children and perhaps work.  Occasionally, something more exciting like a current event or the new nail girl somebody had found.  Thrilling, right?

Enter, the lifestyle…  What do we now do on weekends?  Go to parties or swing clubs every single Friday and Saturday night.  What do we talk about with our lifestyle friends?  Sex!  Well, not just sex, we talk about everything.  Our conversations are open and honest about our lives and our relationships.  Lifestyle friends allow us to speak openly about what we do both in our bedroom and in the backroom.  With these friends we talk about new sex toys and tasty lubes.  We talk about where we shop for our club clothes and stiletto heels.  Often, we talk about what we did with our friends’ husbands and we laugh often!  When we are with our lifestyle friends, we plan lifestyle vacations and outings.  The more friends we meet while there, the better!  We have sleepovers and weekday excursions whenever possible.

Why are we swingers?  Because our lives have never been more fun or full!  It is like being a teenager all over again but without all the drama!  We dance and party until all hours of the night and whatever  we do on any given night is over when we walk out the door.  It becomes a fun memory to be rehashed over breakfast with our significant other the next morning.  There is nothing quite like sharing a naughty secret with your significant other!  The looks you give each other and the snickers between the two of you are priceless.  You become partners in crime and it does wonders for a relationship.

The lifestyle is all about fun!  So the next time someone discovers you are a swinger and they ask why, I would ask them “why not?!”

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Partners ID lifestyle jewelry made our vacation much more special!

Couple wearing Partners ID lifestyle jewelry

 

Hello Partners ID!

We wanted to drop you a line to thank you for helping us to have a most exciting vacation!  Without your lifestyle jewelry, it would not have been the same!

My wife and I have wanted to travel to Europe for many years but between young children and then aging parents, it was hard to get away.

About 6 months ago we finally decided that we were going to travel this fall and nothing was going to stop us! This trip has been planned  since May and we just returned a few days ago.

We have been in the lifestyle for about 18 years and have a very active lifestyle life. Each weekend consists of a house party, meet and greet or hotel takeover. When we can, we travel over to the nearest swing club but it is a distance away.

In preparation for our trip, we went online looking to contact swingers via SDC who might either live near where we were traveling to, or were visiting at the same time. The list of people to connect with included about 7 couples. Each couple was in the area of different places we were planning to stay. The next thing we did was purchase some of your lifestyle jewelry.

Finally October arrived and we were ready to go! The trip itself was incredible. Europe was vastly different from what I had imagined, but wonderful all the same.

Connecting with these other couples proved difficult at best. Some simply ignored our attempts to reach them and others were too busy. Had it not been for the jewelry, the trip would have been a completely vanilla sight seeing few weeks.

It happened in Berlin, Germany. After a long day, we went back to the hotel to crash for the night. Generally we try to keep a bottle of wine in the room but we had finished it the prior evening. After changing into comfortable shoes, we decided to head downstairs to the bar for a night cap. When we entered the elevator there were already a few people inside. The doors closed and the elevator headed down towards the lobby. A moment later, the elevator stopped and when the door opened I glanced up at the man standing in the doorway. Guess what he was wearing around his neck?

I waited until we reached the lobby and as he stepped out of  the elevator, I tapped his shoulder.  When he turned around I pointed to my necklace, holding the pendant in my hand.

Long story short, his wife was waiting for him upstairs in the hotel jacuzzi. He ordered drinks for us all and we ran back upstairs to change and meet them. What a night it was! His wife was very attractive and it was honestly the most erotic night we have ever experienced with another couple. They are from Norway and were staying in Berlin for the week. That meant we were staying in the same hotel for 2 more nights! We did go our separate ways during the day, but for the next 2 nights we had dinner together and spent the evenings in their hotel room. It was the best part of the entire trip!

Please believe me when I say you never know! Had he not been wearing that necklace, those three nights would never have taken place. My wife and I did not even know there was a jacuzzi in the hotel!

Hopefully we will be able to travel through more of Europe next summer. One thing is for sure, we will be wearing our lifestyle jewelry!

Best to you and yours for a wonderful holiday season!

Adam & Lauren
Holly Hills, Colorado

Be sure the check out the lifestyle jewelry here:  The jewelry makes an awesome holiday gift for friends and lovers!

https://www.swingersjewelry.net/jewelry-for-swingers/

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The Bliss lifestyle cruise is getting ready to set sail. Are you ready?

Woman on a lifestyle cruise wearing Partners ID jewelry
Woman on a lifestyle cruise wearing Partners ID jewelry

 

 

 

 

Bliss Cruise is getting ready to set sail in less than 2 weeks!  Are you ready?!

Many couples have signed up for and have spent months getting ready for what should prove to be a very memorable cruise.  What could be more exciting than planning for a fun filled week on a beautiful ship with so many like minded adults?  Thoughts of days spent lounging around a spectacular pool with other sexy couples, delicious food and drinks galore are enough to get anyone in party mode indeed.

Lifestyle cruises have become extremely popular both with swingers and naturists.  The swingers love it because it allows them to be both nude and enjoy swinging with other couples.  The naturists love it because of the clothing free option these ship allow.

What could be missing from this very sexy image?

The ability to know at first glance who the swingers are.  That brings us back to the same old question swingers have been asking for years:  how can we know which people to approach?  As people in the lifestyle know, naturists are not swingers and do not appreciate being hit on.

So how can we distinguish swingers from naturists?

What could be easier than wearing a necklace, bracelet, anklet, earrings or even a temporary tattoo, to let others know that you are there to party?  If you already own a piece of Partners ID jewelry, don’t forget to pack it!  If not, you might want to order yours now so you will have it in time for the cruise!  Planning to visit Trapeze before sailing?  Our jewelry is for sale there as well.

All of our jewelry is high quality and designed with an active lifestyle in mind.  The pedant (and most of the jewelry) is constructed of stainless steel so it is ok to get it wet!  The idea is to have fun and know who else is on the same page without having to ask!

Bon Voyage!

You still have time to order!  Visit our online store here:  https://www.swingersjewelry.net/jewelry-for-swingers/

 

 

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Halloween in the lifestyle; why wearing a costume could help make your night the best ever!

Sexy swinger dressed for Halloween with Partners ID necklace
Sexy swinger dressed for Halloween with Partners ID necklace

Boo!

Today is Halloween!  What are you planning to dress up as this year?  A policeman, Little Red Ridinghood maybe a schoolgirl?

People frequently ask us what we will be dressed as for Halloween.  Naturally our answer is always the same; swingers of course!  No, we are not party poopers and we have come up with some pretty clever costume ideas over the years.  What we have noticed, is that there are many people who take this opportunity to dress up in a way that makes them unrecognizable to others.  We believe that there is a reason they do this.
Some people in the lifestyle are extremely outgoing and have no problem approaching other couples.  Every chance they get, they mingle and flirt and generally know most of the people at any  party by the end of the evening.  Then there are others who are too shy or insecure to approach other couples.  This holiday is the perfect opportunity for them to come out of their shells by hiding behind a costume.
Think about it, if you are wearing a mask and people cannot identify you, do you not feel bolder?   If you approach a couple and you are wearing a mask, chances are they will be very friendly because they are not sure whether or not they know you.  This is exactly what we have observed occurring every Halloween.  There are always a few couples wearing the kind of costume that makes it impossible to guess who they are.  It is very possible that some of these masked guests are new to the lifestyle. They are taking the opportunity to visit a swing club and remain anonymous.

Whatever the case, if you are one of those “shy” people, perhaps this is the perfect time for you to take advantage and go after what you want!  There are women in the lifestyle who always wear a wig when they are at a lifestyle event.  They claim they have more confidence because people do not recognize them and they like it that way.  Costumes are also a good conversation starter.  Complimenting others on how clever they are or how perfect their costume is makes it easy to open the dialogue.  Once you have begun a conversation it is easy to introduce yourselves and ask the other couple questions about themselves.

 The other interesting part of dressing up for Halloween is noticing costume choices.  I cannot help but observe that some of the quieter more shy couples take advantage of this holiday by wearing outrageous costumes.  Some choose the very provocative, sexy costumes.  Many of the timid girls tend to go for the slutty look and the men frequently focus on calling attention to their genitals in one way or another.  It always makes me wonder if they wish they could be more sexually open on regular lifestyle nights.
Even the play areas during Halloween seem busier than usual.  Many couples keep their masks on, and again, seem more determined than usual, to go after what they what.  Somehow, the use of masks in the play area is reminiscent of the movie Eyes Wide Shut ( a 1999 erotic drama film) starring Tom Cruise.
Whatever the case may be, whatever your costume of choice, tonight is the night to be bold and go for what you want.  Costumes allow us all the freedom to be someone else for an evening.  What could be more liberating than that?www.s
Don’t forget to wear your lifestyle jewelry so even though others might not recognize you, they will recognize your jewelry!  Find it here:  https://www.swingersjewelry.net
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Sex and aging; did I just meet a bunch of swingers in an assisted living facility?

Seniors laughing about sex wearing Partners ID jewelry

 

Is sex something only enjoyed by the young? Every swinger I know would say this is completely untrue.  Here I discovered how wrong this statement actually is. 

I recently went to visit a relative of mine who lives in an assisted living facility.  I’m sure you have seen one.  It houses mostly elderly people who live in their own apartments.  They generally eat their meals and spend their days downstairs in a common area.  Many people use walkers and many have oxygen tanks, which they push in front of them.  The concept is wonderful as it offers people a variety of daily activities to keep them busy and entertained.  

It was my first visit to this place and she gave me the grand tour.  She showed me the card room, the bowling alley, the shuffle board area, the movie theater, etc.  The place was quite impressive and I remarked how she must love all it has to offer.  Although she said she enjoys some activities, she mentioned that she really loves to swim more than anything else.  This place has a pool so it seemed logical that she would spend her time there.  When I asked if she swam often, she told me she does not.  Apparently there is an issue with the pool…

What she told me next I found a bit shocking.  Swimming would be wonderful if “Dave” were not always hanging around the pool.  It seems she and “Dave” had a brief fling in the past.  “For me it was just sex, but he was hoping for more.”  It is important to note that this woman is 92 and “Dave” is in his late 80s.  The conversation at this point turned to what really happens here at this facility. 

We generally do not think in terms of elderly people in sexual terms, but it seems that we are all mistaken.  At first I thought perhaps my great aunt was different.  I considered that maybe my high sex drive is genetically linked to this woman.  Evidently, sex amongst the residents of this complex is rampant.  As we walked into the dining room, my great aunt pointed to different people and gave me a brief synopsis of each person’s sexual past.  If what she was telling me was accurate, swinger’s should look forward to their futures!  They will no longer have to drive to a swing club at night!  This place was a 24 hour party!

Of course there was no hint of any gang bangs or threesomes, but she did point out one man who liked to fondle women without their permission.  When I asked if the administration has tolerance for this type of behavior she was quick to tell me no.  This man is on probation and will be asked to move if there are any more complaints against him.  

It seems there is quite a bit of activity that goes on at night behind closed apartment doors.  There are many established “couples” but there are also residents with a reputation for availability for an evening of fun.  Mind you, some of these people are in their mid nineties.  I did ask at one point if sex is still enjoyable and my aunt was quick to tell me yes.  It seems these gentlemen have access to Viagra (compliments of Medicare) and they are not shy to pop them into their mouths in full view during dinner time.  Night life here begins around 7:00, most like to be in bed by 10:00 pm.  

The second glass of wine they served with lunch gave me the nerve to ask about the act itself.  My aunt explained that sex changes simply because many people are not able to physically accomplish what they could do in the past.  Sex was more stimulating each other, intercourse was rare.  The younger men were very popular with the more sexually active older women simply because they could still have intercourse.  

I asked if she thought most of the residents were actually still having sex and my aunt could not answer.  She believes that this dining room was somewhat like high school all over again.  There were groups of friends, some more popular than others.  Some people always sat alone and the same groups always congregated to the same tables.  Her group was outgoing, flirtatious and drinking a lot of wine.  Some other tables acted similarly, but most seemed quiet and reserved.  Once you were a part of a “group,” you did not get to know the other residents very well.  If they were all doing what those in her group were doing, then yes, everyone was having sex.  

After lunch I said my goodbyes and left.  Who knew that a trip to this assisted living facility would uncover a twenty-first century Peyton’s Place?  Behind the doors of this seemingly innocent home for the elderly, is a community of residents craving the same physical attention as their younger counterparts.  What most of us see when we visit a place such as this are their walkers and oxygen tanks.  Most people don’t stop to consider that although their bodies have aged, their needs have not. 

What I wondered most when I left was whether the sex was a physical need or an emotional one.  Are elderly people craving the physical closeness of another or did they truly retain their sex drives?  From what I was told, it was simply a sexual desire.  It explained why my aunt does not want to swim any more.  She was not interested in a relationship, just still enjoyed the sex.  Never in my wildest dreams did I think my visit would turn into a lesson on sex and the elderly!

To be honest, when I thought about her group of friends at lunch, there was something familiar about their camaraderie.   Obviously, she does not know I am in the lifestyle but something told me that maybe she is too…

It left me wondering if perhaps I should be selling lifestyle jewelry to them.

The holidays are fast approaching!  Lifestyle jewelry makes a great gift for your lovers and friends!  It is a very popular host/hostess gift for private parties.  Click here to see the jewelry:

www.swingerjewelry.net

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Swinging is not cheating; understanding the difference.

Couple who swings, doesn't cheat. Wearing Parners ID jewelry
Couple who swings, doesn’t cheat. Wearing Parners ID jewelry

 

 

 

Swingers have a clear understanding of what swinging means and they definitely do not consider themselves cheaters.  The percentage of people in the lifestyle who cheat on their spouses is significantly lower than the percentage in the population at large.  Before we can talk about cheating, let’s discuss what the word really means.   According to dictionary.com a cheater is  a person who acts dishonestly, deceives, or defrauds.    I do not see how swingers are guilty of this in any way as real swingers bring their partners with them when they actively swing.   In any group  of people, regardless of their sexual orientation, preferences, religions, politics, etc, you will find some ‘bad apples’, but as we know, we cannot judge an entire group of people based on a few misguided souls.

It is important to consider why someone in a committed relationship  might cheat on their spouse.   One reason someone might cheat is because they are not satisfied with the sex they are having with their partner.  It could be that the actual act itself is not what one person needs to feel fulfilled or perhaps it is not frequent enough.  Perhaps the cheater has met someone and is physically attracted to them.  Some people who have been married for a while feel the need to be attractive to someone else. Another scenario could be that the couple is not connecting and having problems; be it money, kids, whatever, and the result is lack of interest in having sex with each other.  Maybe the spouse has stopped taking care of themselves and is unappealing to their partner.  Whatever the case may be, the end result is that this person looks to have sex with someone else and keeps it a secret from their spouse or significant other.  This is cheating and ultimately will lead to a problem between the couple if it is discovered.

Let us now look at swinging.  Swinging is done with your partner.  The couple enters the lifestyle and chooses to seek out a sexual relationship with another couple or a single swinger.  It does not really matter why the couple has decided to do this, but rather the fact that it is done in plain view of each other.  There are no secrets or deceptions here.  If you watch a couple playing with another couple, you will usually see the spouses interacting with each other while they are playing with someone else.  A hand on their shoulder, a kiss, a helpful hand down there, whatever it is, you will see that this is something they are doing together.  That is very different from sneaking into a hotel room while your spouse is at work or with the kids to have sex with someone else.  Even when swingers decide to play separately, they do it with permission from their partner.

If you have a relationship like swingers do, why would you cheat?  It is very liberating to be so open and honest with your partner about everything you are doing, why would you bother doing this behind their back?  For most couples who swing, they have formed a very strong bond.  They are even more connected because they share a secret lifestyle that most choose not to expose to others in their lives.  This “secret” can be a strong glue for couples.

Let’s be honest, sex is exciting but often put on a back burner for married couples.  They have busy lives and are often too tired for sex.  They imagine it is mutual and so it can become as much of a routine to not have sex as it once was to have sex.  This can be a slippery slope in marriage as intimacy is a critical component to long lasting successful marriages.  Swingers have very active sex lives, but not every night out to a swing club results in playing with someone else.  Frequently, married swingers will play alone together if nothing else presents itself during that night, and both are usually perfect happy.

One of the big differences between couples in the lifestyle and those who are not is how open couples in the lifestyle are with each other.  When you take jealousy off the table, love can be limitless.  When someone has doubts or fears about their partner’s fidelity, it puts space between a couple.  If every time you see their sexy coworker or watch them come alive when an attractive waiter or waitress flirts with them and secretly wonder what they are thinking, it does not help your relationship.  This wondering casts a shadow on your relationship as it creates doubt and insecurity.   It is common, however,  for couples in the lifestyle to turn a blind eye to sexy coworkers and others because they know they can have what they want in the lifestyle.  They do not look for validation in everyday situations with attractive people because they do not need it.  Vanilla couples, rely on these interactions to gauge if people still find them attractive.

It is said that humans are not monogamous by nature and perhaps this is why it can be such a struggle for couples in long term relationships to remain faithful to one another.  It would seem that for this reason, the lifestyle can offer couples a way to remain together for the long haul.  Many couples are very happily married to their partner, except when it comes to sex.  Why break up a happy marriage when there are alternatives?  Obviously, swinging is not for everyone and people in the lifestyle know that.  Why then do people not accept the fact that monogamy is not for everyone?

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