Aloha from friends who live in Hawaii! How’s the lifestyle in Hawaii?

 

Woman from Hawaii wearing Partners ID black choker
Hawaiin woman wearing Partners ID black choker

 

Welina Partners ID,

Aloha from friends who live in Hawaii!

For the first years we were in the lifestyle, we sought out vacationers from the mainland through sites like SLS and SDC but it was always complicated.

We found it frustrating that we had to hide who we were from everyone we knew.  We would read articles from your site and others about clubs and friendships that had enriched so many swinger’s lives.  

Although most people tend to imagine that Hawaii is full of people who are free thinking and sexually open, but that is a thing of the past.  Religion has taken a more important role here in Hawaii over the past 2 centuries and sex is no longer something most islanders approve of if it is not between a married couple.

After reading some of the stories on your website, we finally decided to buy jewelry.  (I attached a photo of the necklace I bought from you): https://www.swingersjewelry.net/product/black-velvet-choker-necklace-with-lifestyle-pendant/  not only to find other swingers but it made us each feel authentic.  We wore our jewelry like a symbol of pride.  We enjoyed knowing that here we were identifying ourselves to everyone yet nobody knew that the symbol has any meaning.  At times it made me giggle!  Often when I wear the jewelry to work (I work in a store that sells ladies clothing), women will ask if we sell the jewelry!  The owner even asked about stocking some in the store!  How funny is that?!  

When my husband and I finally get the same day off we like to go snorkeling.  We try to go early and have the rest of the day on the beach.  We were relaxing at the beach and this nice looking couple sets up right next to us with their beach gear.  They were very friendly and the man then asked about the lifestyle in Oahu (where we live).  I look at my husband and the man quickly pointed at his wife’s ankle bracelet.  I started to laugh because I forget that I’m wearing my necklace!  This happened a few months ago and was the best thing that ever happened to us!  We became very good friends (wink wink) and they had other friends that also are in the lifestyle.  They also introduced us to a group that has a small club so we have been so happy!  

Your jewelry is a good luck charm for us!  This is the happiest we have been since we moved back here 5 years ago!   You will see my order because I am ordering for our group!  They are very excited about it and so are we!

Mahalo nui loa,

Aloha mai e

Kailana & Bane

Oahu, Hawaii

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In search of the missing condom… How can one little condom cause so many problems?

Shocked woman wearing Partners ID jewelry spotting a condom in her husband's hair
Shocked woman wearing PartnersID jewelry

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

There are some things that only swingers can relate to. There are situations that we find ourselves in that vanilla people simply cannot imagine.

We recently returned from a trip where we spent a few days partying with a group of lifestyle friends. The days were spent on a secluded beach and the nights were spent running between the jacuzzi and the den of a rented townhome. We drank a lot and had a lot of sex.

Upon my return home, my phone reminded me of my yearly gynecology exam the following morning. Everything was pretty routine until he did the internal part of the exam.

He stands up from his seat on a stool, pushes his glasses up on top of his head and looks me in the eye. “I think somebody lost something,” he said and with that holds up the forceps from which a used condom is dangling…

He knows I am married and had asked about my husband not 2 minutes before discovering the condom. To say I was mortified is a small understatement. I did not (could not) explain.

We had a house party recently and we are always very thorough in our clean up to be sure that there is nothing left behind. ( A rule I might want to consider after traveling with lifestyle friends!) We limit our guests to the family room and kitchen so that we don’t have to concern ourselves with the entire house. We checked under the couches and the couch cushions, under the coffee table and wall unit, emptied the garbage, scrubbed the bathroom, you name it. The following evening we had our children over for dinner. While we are eating my son touched something under the table and lifted the table cloth to see what was on the floor. Sitting on the table pedestal was a pair of men’s shoes. I don’t know how we missed them but we did. He picks them up off the floor and looks at my husband. Clearly, they don’t look like the style of shoes my husband wears and the size is much larger than what he wears. Yes, I know what you’re thinking because I was thinking exactly the same thing. How does someone leave a party without their shoes? It hardly mattered at that moment because we both stared at the shoes trying to think of something to say. I had nothing, I was actually laughing to myself about how ludicrous the situation was. My husband made up some lame story about borrowing the shoes but the more he rambled on the more ridiculous the story sounded. I glanced at my children out of the corner of my eyes and could see they were not buying one word. I really can’t imagine what they were thinking.

My husband brought his car in for service recently and when he went to pick up the car they handed him a large envelope and said they had found some personal items on the floor of the car and wanted to make sure they were returned to him. He thanked them and opened the envelope while waiting for them to bring the car around. Inside were 4 pairs of crotchless panties. When he looked up from the envelope the service representative was standing there with the car keys. “I see you got your items back,” he said with a grin on his face. My husband was mortified. He imagined everyone was watching him from inside the showroom as he got into his car. He said he was sure they thought he was having sex with hookers in his car when in reality he often puts my underwear into my boots when we play at the club. I remove my boots when I get into the car often forgetting about the underwear and they get lost under the seat.

We had plans to meet some lifestyle friends for an evening of fun and I was texting my friend’s husband to remind him to bring condoms as we had forgotten to pick some up when we were out. He sent me a sexually charged text and I shot one back to him telling what I was planning to do to him that evening. I didn’t hear back from him and figured he was busy. After playing with them that evening I asked him if I did everything I promised I would do to him. He looked at me with a funny expression and asked what I was talking about. I reminded him of the text I had sent that afternoon following his text to me. He grabbed his phone and scrolled down to look for my text. He was shaking his head no, that he had never received a followup text from me. That was not a very good feeling… I felt a little nauseous as I tried to imagine who might have been the recipient of that text message. I fumbled to find my phone dreading the thought of whose name I was going to find. Well, the good news is that it was not any of our children or relatives. The bad news is that it was not another lifestyle friend. It was an old employee of mine and needless to say there is nothing I can say or do about the text. It is an older woman and quite frankly I can’t begin to imagine what she was thinking when she received it! My only hope is that I never run into her!

As one can never hear too many condom stories, after leaving the club recently in the wee hours of the morning, some friends realized that they had stayed out much later than they had planned. They had a babysitter waiting for them at home so they dressed quickly and raced out of the club. When they pulled up to the house, my friend was grabbing some things from the back seat of the car while her husband went inside to get the babysitter. As my friend walked into the house she saw her husband walking in front of the sitter as they were getting ready to leave so he could drive her home. That’s when she spotted it. There was an open condom wrapper stuck to the back of his hair. The shiny psychedelic wrapper was glittering under the foyer light, impossible to miss. She looked over at the babysitter who was staring at it with a look of horror on her face. “What on earth was I supposed to say?” my friend asked in utter distress. Needless to say, although they really like this babysitter, neither of them are willing to face her so they have no babysitter for now.

These are just a small sample of horrifying events that happen to swingers. As I have said before, swingers can find themselves in some pretty hilarious situations, learning to think fast helps!

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A customer has an epiphany about wearing lifestyle jewelry.

 

Couple wearing Partners ID lifestyle jewelry
Couple wearing Partners ID lifestyle jewelr

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

We get a lot of email from our customers and are happy to report that so far it has all been very positive.  We recently received an email from a man I will call “Rob.”  He said he had made an important discovery regarding our lifestyle jewelry and thought we should share it with our readers.  Although he had heard about our lifestyle jewelry he said he was hesitant to purchase it because he had never seen it before.  We asked him where he lived.  When he told us we assured him that we had many orders from the city he lives in and that clearly, someone was wearing the jewelry.  The only reason we were so acutely aware of this particular customer is because he continued to email us regarding the jewelry.

Finally, he relented and purchased a necklace for himself and a bracelet for his wife.  A few weeks after he received the jewelry we heard from him again.

Dear Partners ID,

Surely you remember me as I have sent you at least a half dozen emails regarding your jewelry and my hesitation to purchase it.  I asked you if the jewelry was so popular with swingers, why hadn’t I seen it before.  I will now tell you the answer to this question:  Prior to owning a piece of the jewelry, I never really paid any attention to the jewelry that others were wearing.  My wife would comment on the size of a friend’s new engagement ring to which I would inevitably respond, “I didn’t notice.”  She once mentioned a gorgeous strand of pearls my mom was wearing to which again I responded, “I didn’t notice.”  It occurred to me that before I owned a piece of this jewelry, I never noticed what others were wearing because I did not really care.  All of the sudden, I put this necklace on and I am looking at everyone’s jewelry when I go out.  I realize that if I had seen it a dozen times in the past I would never have thought anything of it because I did not know that it had a meaning.  Brilliant!  What a concept!  Nobody will notice my necklace either as they do not know it has a special significance (unless, of course, they are swingers themselves)!  Thank you, Partners ID for bringing to life what the lifestyle world has been lacking for too long!  A way to identify others without exposing oneself!  I will surely keep my eyes open and will certainly be back in touch when we find what we are looking for!  Mums the word!

Adrian T.

San Jose, CA

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Infidelity and the lifestyle; how swinging helps couples avoid cheating on each other.

Happy couple clinking wine glasses
Happy couple clinking wine glasses

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

People who are not in the lifestyle, equate swinging with infidelity.  Obviously, for people who swing, this is absolutely untrue.   According to dictionary.com. infidelity means:

1.  marital disloyalty
2.  unfaithfulness
     Considering those two meanings, swingers are not being disloyal or unfaithful to their spouses.  Perhaps we should think of swingers as writng their own rules in their own marriages.  They have decided together, as a couple, to open their marriage to something more. Whether or not religious figures would agree that this is not adultery or infidelity is another topic altogether.

It is not uncommon to hear people who are not in the lifestyle to question why couples swing.  Besides that they imagine swingers to be perverted deviants, their perception of swingers is really off.  They have a hard time understanding why people would be open to having sex with someone other than their spouse.  More than that, they cannot fathom why swingers do not get upset with the fact that their significant others are doing this.

Let’s consider this:  if a department store invited you to visit anytime, and take what you needed for free, would you ever feel the need to steal something from them?   Silly question right?  How can you steal something if they are giving it to you for free?   Let’s say you are in school and need help on an exam and the teacher tells you anytime you don’t know an answer to just ask her and she will tell you. Would you need to copy off someone’s paper?  What would be the point?  The teacher has already offered the free help, right?  It is the same in the lifestyle.  Your partner offers to let you swing with other people, why would you need to do this behind their back?  That is not to say that it never happens because it probably does, but what it is the point?

It is very common when you speak with swingers to hear how surprised they were when they first entered the lifestyle to discover how in love swingers seemed to be.  It was exactly the opposite of what they had imagined.  If couples were so in love, what drove them into the lifestyle?  The best answer is probably honesty.

The relationship between a couple who chooses to swing has to be very open and honest.   In order to swing, they had to get to the point where they could admit that although they love each other, they would like to try something else.  It is normal for  couples to fall into a routine or rut with their sex life.  Some couples try to spice things up by watching porn, using toys, trying different positions or even going to strip clubs.  What happens when that is not enough?

For couples not in the lifestyle, unfortunately, they might look to someone else to fill that void.  Infidelity is exceptionally selfish.  One person in the couple chooses to find excitement that is lost with their partner while the other partner makes do with  the lack of fulfillment.  Sometimes both parts of the couple choose to be unfaithful to each other while maintaining  the facade of a wonderful marriage.  How long can that last?

When you consider the avenue swingers take, it seems more logical and loving.  Swinging is something couples do together.  They venture into the lifestyle as a couple not to find someone to replace their partner, but to find couples to spice up their sex life.  The excitement is something they experience together.  The only sneaking around these couples might be engaging in, is from their family and friends. Swinging creates a very strong bond;  you are naughty together.

When you consider the freedom that swinging brings to both members of the couple, who would feel the need to cheat?  Sure, there are always exceptions, but that shows a true character fault.  Generally speaking, swingers would agree that they have no reason to cheat.  Swinging helps them to avoid infedelity.

Many couples who have been in the lifestyle for many years reach different levels of comfort with separating while swinging.  Some couples have no problem allowing their significant other to play on their own while traveling or with friends they have met in the lifestyle.  They talk about how much pleasure they get just from hearing about the escapades of their partners.   The only request they make of each other is to tell them about what they do when they play on their own.  Some couples never separate and continue their swinging journey side by side.  Either way, the degree of trust and freedom is immeasurable compared with those not in the lifestyle.

Everyone is different and perhaps there are couples who never feel the desire to play outside their marriage.  It seems that number would be very low when you consider how rampant infidelity is.

My question to those not in the lifestyle is this:  why not try to explore together what both of you are secretly wishing for?  It is impossible to believe that every married adult at some point has not fantasized about having sex with someone else.  A neighbor, a  teacher, a coworker, someone famous or your spouse’s best friend.   The best part about swinging is that these are no longer secrets or fantasies!  You and your partner not only talk about what your sexual fantasies are, you experience them together.  What could be more honest and intimate than that?  That is what creates such a strong bond between swingers.   When you have everything you need at home, why would you need to go elsewhere?

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“I never thought it would happen to me!” A swinger’s story…

Couple wearing Partners ID jewelry, whispering
Couple wearing Partners ID jewelry, whispering

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Hi Partners ID.  I love reading your blog but I especially like to read the emails you recieve from folks who have had success with the jewelry.  Just like most things in life, I never thought it would happen to me but it did!  Magical!

We have been swingers for about 5 years and mostly seek out parties at hotels near where we live.  It can be a bit frustrating because we would like to have more of a swinger social life but we really don’t have a club close enough to drive just  for an evening.  

To try to satisfy our desire to immerse ourselves in swinging, we took a vacation in August to Hedonism.   That’s where we discovered your jewelry.  It worked like a charm in Jamaica because people could identify that we were swingers and so they approached us.  To be honest, we weren’t really sure if we would have any success with the jewelry back at home.

I wear my necklace everyday for two reasons:  first because I love the design and second, obviously, because I would like to meet other swingers.  

We live in a wonderful community and have met many of our neighbors since moving in last year.  We got a note in our mailbox a few weeks ago inviting us to their annual block party.  We are a very social couple and looked forward to spending the afternoon with everyone while hoping to meet some new people.  

We offered to help with the set up, and spent the evening before the party baking goodies to share with our neighbors.  We arrived early and were greeted by a couple we had not yet met.  They were quite a bit older than we are but were so warm and  welcoming.  They mentioned that their son and his wife would be attending the party and hoped we would get a chance to meet them.  

We were impressed with the turnout for the party!  There were well over 100 people out on the street enjoying the food, music, games and socializing.  At one point my husband left me talking with another couple to run back and get us some drinks.  He ran into the older couple that we had helped with the set up.  They were with their son and his wife and were thrilled to be able to introduce them to my husband.  

A short time later my husband returned and he was wilth another couple who seemed anxious to meet me.  I politely excused myself and went over to meet them.  With a big smile on his face my husband introduced me to this couple, who are about the same age we are.  I went to shake the man’s hand and he pulled me in for a kiss.  I was a little stunned until he whispered in my ear  to look at his bracelet.  Sure enough, there it was!  He, too, was wearing your jewelry!  OMG I was so excited to meet them!  We spent the entire rest of the day with them and the next night as well!  The best part is, since his parents are our neighbors, they come to town quite often.  

Such a great concept!  Thank you again for what you are doing for the lifestyle!  Like I said, it’s magical!

~Lisa and Doug

Colorado (too small a town to name!)

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How can you tell if another couple wants to swing with you?

A couple and single girl at a bar wearing Partners ID Jewelry
A couple and single girl at a bar wearing Partners ID Jewelry

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Swinging can sometimes feel like dating.  Remember in the past when you met someone and spent a fair amount of time wondering if they liked you?  Then you tried to decide if they liked you, or liked you liked you.   The only difference now, is that usually swingers are couples looking for other couples.  Although it sounds so simple, it is not.  Instead of the traditional one person seeking out another, it is now one couple (2 people) looking for another couple (2 more people).  That equals four people who must all be on the same page.  It might not sound that complicated but it can be.

The other part of this equation is wondering when you do meet other swingers, how to know which couples want to swing with you.  That too, can be complicated.  When you are dealing with a couple, maybe the man likes you, but his wife doesn’t like your husband (or vice versa).  The problems with four people are multiplied dramatically so it’s important to pay attention to signs and signals that other couples are giving you.

Swing clubs are a great place to meet other couples (or singles) to swing with. They have a sexy, night club atmosphere and most of the people who are there, are there to swing. This does not mean, however, that every couple you meet wants to swing with you. So how can you tell who is and who is not interested?

Most adults have learned that when they are in a social situation, they should be friendly and warm. We were taught to be polite and smile. If someone talks to us, we should have the common courtesy to listen and even join in the conversation. People in swing clubs, tend to be very friendly and welcoming to each other. So with all this smiling and kindness, how can we distinguish between people are who being polite and people who are interested in having sex?

For some couples, it’s not that hard to figure out, whereas for others, they seem to have no clue at all (think Sheldon Cooper). Here is a little quiz to help you determine if you are on the right track to finding other couples to play with:

You are sitting at the bar and a couple walks over. They are trying to get the bartender’s attention and since you are sitting there, they say hello. You and your significant other find them attractive so you try to engage them in conversation. They are friendly and answer your questions but as soon as the bartender hands them their drinks, they turn and walk away. Now, this should be an easy one…
This couple is interested, you have a shot: True or False

(False, clearly, they are not interested.)

Let’s try another, shall we? A couple is seated next to you on a couch. They seem friendly and you strike up a conversation with them. The husband answers your questions but the wife is not paying any attention. She is busy watching people on the dance floor. While you are talking to him, the husband turns and asks his wife if she wants to dance. They pop up and leave for the dance floor. Hm, what do you think?

A. They will be back in a few minutes and we will have another chance to win them over?

B. We have no shot let’s go find another couple.

If you chose A, you should probably keep reading until the end!

How about this situation: a couple approaches you while you are at the bar and asks if anyone is sitting in the seats next to you. You say no and the couple sits down. They introduce themselves and tell you it’s their first time in this club. They are friendly and you are encouraged that maybe this can work. You talk with them for a while and they get up to go and dance. After a few songs, they return to their seats next to you. A couple sits down on the other side of them and they turn to engage in conversation with them. You and your significant other walk around to join the two couples in conversation. They continue talking while you stand there. You don’t want to be rude so you patiently wait for them to introduce you to this couple. After a few minutes, nobody attempts to bring you into the conversation. You decide to go back to your seats at the bar.

A. No problem, in a few minutes they will turn back and chat with us.

B. Not looking good, they were just being friendly.
Don’t wait too long for this couple, it seems they have found a couple they prefer.

You meet a couple standing along side the dance floor. You try to engage them in conversation and although the wife is friendly, the husband is looking around while you are talking to him. He answers your questions but doesn’t ask you any. A few times you even had to repeat yourself because he didn’t hear you. His wife grabs his hand while you are talking to her.

A.  She’s hot and she’s friendly. She will persuade him to be with us.

B. Finding couples is harder than we thought. Let’s move on.

It’s B! When she grabbed his hand, she was trying to tell you something… He showed a clear disinterest from the get go.
You decide to dance and are enjoying the time with your wife. You notice a couple watching you and smiling. When you leave the dance floor they approach you at the bar. They are friendly and she greets you with a kiss on the cheek. The man is attentive to your wife and his wife is attentive to you. She plays with her hair while laughing at your jokes.

A.  This is it! We might actually have a chance with this couple!

B. They are just being friendly, I’m not sure if they really have any interest.

I hope you chose A! This was a gimme, a no brainer.

Believe it or not, we see this all the time. Couples who hang around when there is no chance what so ever that the couple they are clinging to have any interest in them. Sometimes all it really requires, is to pay close attention to what their body language is saying. If someone is standing with their arms crossed and a forced smile on their face, that should tell you that they are not interested. If someone touches you or is engaged in what you say, that’s a good sign. If they turn towards you and have a genuine (not fake) smile, think positive! If the person you are talking to is not making eye contact, walk away. If someone likes you, they will make you feel comfortable and important. They will be present in the moment with you. They will ask you questions and listen carefully to what you have to say. If someone is busy looking around to see what else is available, that means they have no real desire to be with you.

Although we always stress how important communication is, in this type of situation, nobody will tell you that they are not interested, it is just too rude. They will, however, do whatever they can with their body language to let you know. Non verbal cues are all you are going to get to let you know when a coupe is or is not interested. All you have to do, is pay attention to what it is they are trying to say.

Swinging should be fun but figuring out who wants to swing with you can sometimes be confusing! The more experience you have in the lifestyle the easier it will become! Good luck!

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Uninhibited: Perhaps this should be the word to replace swinger.

Uninhibited woman wearing Partners ID jewelry
Uninhibited woman wearing Partners ID jewelry

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Uninhibited? Perhaps this is the term we should use to replace the word swinger.

We have spoken before about how the term ‘swinger’ is outdated.  Today, the word swinger  has a negative  connotation which dates back to the 1970s. Swingers are no longer a part of the key club culture and they also gave up their huckapoo shirts and nylon slacks decades ago. The word swinger seems to conjure up an image of older folks groping each other and partaking in massive, hairy orgies. It is for this reason, that finding a new word to replace the word “swinger” seems necessary.

The term open-minded has been suggested and we have discussed this as well. It seems like a good option but today we would like to consider the word “uninhibited.”

The word uninhibited, according to the free dictionary means the following:

uninhibited
adjective
1. not inhibited or restricted; unhampered.
2. not restrained by or mindful of social convention or usage; free; candid or spontaneous.

When a friend suggested this term I thought, bingo! This is exactly the word I would use to describe swingers. Although many vanilla people think swingers are wild, reckless and depraved, the word uninhibited exudes a much clearer image of who swingers really are.

Swingers are the first to argue that they are, for the most part, no different from anyone else. The central difference between swingers and their vanilla friends is their desire to enjoy sex with more than one person.

Swingers have the ability to let loose and experiment sexually with other people in ways we have always been taught were wrong. We either learned this from our parents or our religion. Sex was intended to take place only between a married couple. Not between two women, not between two men and certainly not with a multitude of partners. We grew up learning to be modest and to cover up our bodies (especially women).

While these teachings were consistent with generations of the past, with the decline of religion over the past decade or so, and with the Baby Boomers now parents and grandparents, we have seen a shift in many people’s moral compass. People are more open to new ideas and beliefs, which has in turn led people to a more open-minded way of thinking.

Interestingly enough, even with the more relaxed attitudes we see today, swingers remain outcasts. It has become both common and acceptable to reveal to friends, family and coworkers your sexual orientation as well as your gender identity, but it is still not acceptable to be a swinger.

If society refuses to accept swingers, perhaps the best course of action is to change the word associated with swinging. In order to change the mind set, the most logical thing to do is to change the word. Take for example the word stripper. We no longer refer to women as strippers. Exotic dancer has become the new term. The name is chic and no longer elicits an image of vaudeville days with trashy women wearing tassels on their breasts. The term exotic dancer, although it means exactly the same thing as stripper, paints a much more palatable image of a beautiful woman dancing in a club.

As swingers, if we were to change the terminology to simply say that we are uninhibited adults, this would erase the image of bunch of old, out of shape people engrossed in an orgy. For vanilla people, the term will imply little more than an individual who is open to new thoughts and ideas.  People who are uninhibited are not prudish or uptight. If people truly are uninhibited, they would be open to the notion of swinging but may or may not partake. This would allow us the freedom to let the world know that we are unconventional or free thinking.  It does not say anything about us sexually. It simply invites open conversations between adults who are uninhibited like ourselves.

Swingers must take the initiative to help change the stigma attached to living this lifestyle. Acknowledging to others that you are uninhibited gives away little about your lifestyle. I truly believe that if the word swinger was abolished, many people who are actually swinging, although they claim that is not what they are doing, would readily admit that they are uninhibited.  This would help build the community while at the same time helping swingers to be accepted for their lifestyle choices.  After all, telling people that you are uninhibited does not really tell them precisely what you are doing.

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Why the swinger lifestyle is good for you. Yes, I mean you!

Who knew that entering the lifestyle would have such an impact on my life?  Like many women, I was not the one who initiated the conversation regarding swing clubs.  To be fair, really, neither was my husband.  It was a stripper at a strip club and that should tell you something about us right away!  Why were we so chummy with the stripper in the first place?  The answer is that we were regulars for a few years.  She observed that I never looked happy to be in the strip club and she took a guess that I was there for my husband.  “Why not take your wife to a swing club” she asked one night.  I had never heard of a swing club and had no idea what it was.  A few weeks later, for my husband’s birthday I surprised him and said I wanted to check out a swing club.  I did not have to ask twice.
I have never been overly confident and having been married for 19 years, I never really thought about flirting with other men.  Sure, men were flirting with me all along but I chose to dismiss it and pretend not to notice.  That’s not to say I didn’t find men attractive or find myself at times attracted to other men, I did, but I never acted on it and tried my best to avoid them.
That was a long time ago as I have been in the lifestyle for about 10 years.  The lifestyle has taught me so much about myself and has given me a tremendous amount of confidence.  What I have learned since the beginning would have been very helpful to know as a 20 year old.  I’m not talking about sex, I’m talking about people and attitudes and friendliness and being open to both experiences and people.  It would be no problem today for me to walk into a bar by myself and make friends with little effort amongst a group of strangers.  Ten years ago I would have waited outside until my husband arrived to go into the bar with him.  Today, he would find me sitting at the bar with a drink in my hand chatting with the people around me.  If I were single, and there was an attractive man at the bar, I would think nothing of walking over and striking up a conversation.  Being single does not frighten me in the least.  Many married “vanilla” friends talk about how they would be totally lost without their spouse and would have no idea how to get back out and date.  They would be terrified by the thought of having to navigate a new relationship.  I sincerely doubt that the majority of people in the lifestyle would feel this way.  We are used to flirting and mingling and talking to total strangers.
It has also taught me about my body and that you do not have to be perfect to be attractive.  It has taught me that what I once thought made a person attractive is not necessarily universal.  When we first entered the lifestyle I imagined the most attractive women with the hottest bodies would be the most sought after by all the men in the club.  What I discovered is that beauty truly is in the eye of the beholder and what is attractive to one person is not necessarily attractive to another.  As a society I feel that magazines, movies and tv regularly make us believe that only the tall, slim, busty girls with perfect hair are what men are looking for, when in reality, men are all different with very different taste and very different ideas of what makes a woman attractive.  Same for women; what attracts one woman is vastly different from what attracts another.
I learned that it is ok to love sex!  When women love sex, they tend to think they must be a slut.  I thought my interest in playing with different guys when I was younger was wrong.  Friends used to ask,  “How many guys
have you slept with?”   When they were in their 20s and told me they had slept with only 5 men I would think OMG, I can never tell anyone the truth!  I never thought to count; I just knew I loved having sex!  The lifestyle taught me that there is nothing wrong with that.  It also has taught me to learn to express what I like in bed.  Most people prefer to know what the person they play with likes.
The lifestyle has taught me that we are only as “old” as we allow ourselves to be.  Many people believe that people over 50 should spend their evenings at restaurants or movies and be home by 11.  What else is there for them to do?  Nightclubs almost predominantly cater to people in their 20s and 30s.  Most people I know who are over 40 years old have no interest in spending an evening at a night club with younger people.  They feel uncomfortable dressing too sexy, they might not enjoy the same music, or how loud it is, and dancing next to someone who is so much younger than yourself can be awkward.  They look at you and wonder what you are doing there.  In a swing club, you get the same night club atmosphere where people are there to have a good time regardless of their age and nobody is judging you.  The freedom in a swing club is very liberating.  To be able to be yourself and show your sexuality as you please is fabulous.  Staying out until 3:00 in the morning on weekends makes you feel young again.  It is impossible to imagine going back to that ‘old person’ mentality after experiencing time in the lifestyle.
The people you meet in the lifestyle are so much different from people you will meet anyplace else.  The conversations are real and nothing is off limits.  I find our conversations with vanilla friends tend to be about our children and our jobs but with lifestyle friends it is about vacation experiences, parties, sex and lifestyle events.  We talk about sex because it is normal and not taboo.   Try talking to your vanilla friends about sex and watch them blush and look at you like you are perverse.
The lifestyle has made me feel alive!  I look forward to any time we spend in any lifestyle venue.  When we embarked upon creating the lifestyle jewelry it was an extension of our love for the whole environment and the people in it.  We are dedicated to continuing to try to make it easier for those of us in the lifestyle to find each other!  Party on people!
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Hot, sexual encounters present themselves when you wear your lifestyle jewelry!

Couple playing darts wearing Partners ID jewelry
Couple playing darts wearing Partners ID jewelry

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Hey Partners ID!

I hope you can stand another letter from a customer! Hopefully this one will make you smile!

My parents got divorced when I was 9 and my mom’s boyfriend moved in shortly after. Her boyfriend’s wife had died so when he moved in, he brought along his 2 sons. It was an adjustment for me because I was used to being an only child. One of the boys was only 1 year older than me so we used to take the bus to school together.

One day “Rusty” had to stay after school so I took the bus home alone. An older boy on the bus was giving me a hard time after I tripped and fell into his lap, and I was terrified. When I finally arrived at my house he yelled out the window that now that he knew where I lived, he would stop by and beat me up.

The next morning when my mom came to wake me up I told her I was sick. She let me stay home but realized by mid morning that I was fine. I finally told her what had happened and she made me get dressed and she drove me to school. I was a nervous wreck all day, dreading the bus ride home.

At 3:00 I boarded the bus with my stomach in knots. Sure enough, the boy was sitting in the bus and as soon as he saw me started walking towards me. He started telling everyone on the bus how he was going to make me sorry I ever stepped foot onto the bus. As he got close I felt a hand on my shoulder and I turned around to see “Rusty”. Rusty told me to sit down and he walked right up to the boy. He asked the boy if he wanted him to beat the crap out of him now or later. From that moment on I became infatuated with Rusty. He was my hero and I loved him.

Fast forward 10 years and we got married. Yes, I married my step brother. So we grew up in a pretty rural area and after 10 year of marriage, Rusty got a job closer to the city so we moved. It was hard at first because we didn’t really know many people. We were invited to a birthday party for one of Rusty’s coworkers. It was at a bar close to where he works. I met him there after work and there were about 6 other couples at the party. We did shots and played darts well into the night. The birthday boy invited everyone to come back to his house and Rusty seemed anxious to go. Three other couples also wanted to go so we followed them in our car. The house was a bit small but it was on a large piece of land and out back was an old hot tub, which was just dropped in the middle of the property. Long story short, we found ourselves in the middle of a group of swingers. Within moments after arriving at a the house, they all stripped down and headed out to the hot tub. We were left standing inside with our mouthes open. Rusty and I were pretty buzzed and I could see he wanted to join them. I threw back another shot and agreed to strip down to my bra and panties. It was our first introduction to swinging…

Needless to say, we started to hang out with this group and over the years discovered swing clubs and have vacationed at Hedonism in Jamaica several times. We discovered the jewelry in Jamaica a few years ago and Rusty wears his necklace every day, never really takes it off.

Last week we went back home to celebrate my parent’s anniversary. After dinner Rusty and I went out to the local bar to shoot some pool. This is pretty much the only place to go within about 25 miles of where we live so anyone who lives in that area comes to this place for a night out. We were in the middle of a game when a couple approached us and asked if they could join in. I look up and was shocked to see the bully from the bus. He did not recognize me but I knew it was him. Rusty did not seem to realize who he was and invited them to play. He had gotten very tall and was actually a good looking man! We had a few more drinks and I told him who I was. He had no recollection of the incident and Rusty said it was a long time ago, we were kids. He turned to me and said quietly, “I think I deserve a spanking for what I did, you up for it?” I couldn’t believe how my body was betraying me as I felt that electric tingle between my legs. Long story short: they saw Rusty’s necklace and they are also in the lifestyle. We went home with them and had sex all night long. It was incredible!

I hope I didn’t ramble on too much, I’m told I do that!

Thanks for listening (and for the beautiful jewelry!)

Chrissy and Rusty

Covington, GA

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“Plays well with others” is a good way to describe swingers.

 

Woman wearing Partners ID jewelry holding a white board
Woman wearing Partners ID jewelry holding a white board

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Dear Partners ID,

You recently published a blog discussing the possibility that the word “swinger” has become outdated. I really couldn’t agree more. I have been in the lifestyle for almost 20 years with 3 different partners and have never referred to myself as a swinger. I once asked a friend of mine (she is not in the lifestyle) what comes to mind when I say the word swinger. She said that she gets a mental image of a group of 60 year olds having an orgy and that it’s not a pretty picture.

Last year I purchased a few pieces of your jewelry. I kept one for myself, gave one to my significant other and gave the other 2 as host and hostess gifts at a party we attended. When we presented them with the gifts we were also wearing our pieces. They opened the boxes in front of the other guests and they were excited to see the jewelry. One of the guests was unfamiliar with the symbol and asked what it meant. I turned to him and said, “It means we play well with others.” Isn’t that really what it means? In any context that you put that in, people in the lifestyle truly do play well with others.

It would be wonderful to see people in the lifestyle strive to change the term to something more contemporary.  Some people have discussed simply saying that you are in an open relationship or an open marriage, but for me, these terms also indicate something of a sexual nature.   If you were to explain to someone that you are open-minded, there would be no negative image attached to it. It would not tell people anything about your sex life or your sexual orientation. It would simply let them know that you are approachable and nonjudgemental. Nothing wrong with that!

Have a good day and thanks for listening!

Dahlia
Sugarland, TX

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