Body language is a clear indicator of a person’s interest and happiness. How to tune in…

 

Woman with negative body language staring at her husband wearing Partners ID jewelry
Woman with negative body language staring at her husband wearing Partners ID jewelry

 

 

 

Women pride themselves on having the ability to communicate without having to say a word.  They feel confident that they can both read body language and convey their feelings through it.  The problem is that men are not always able to read these signals.  Sometimes the situation can be reversed.  It is important to pay attention to what your partner is trying to tell you when it is not possible to say something out loud.  Some couples have code words while others have invented special signals to let their significant other know when they are ok or not with a situation.  What happens when you are in a situation and one person is definitely not happy but the partner seems not to notice?

In a swing club last night there were two couples sitting next to each other by the dance floor.  The women were perched on stools and the men were standing behind them.  The men were engaged in conversation, laughing and having a good time but the women were clearly not clicking.  One woman was attempting to make conversation with the other but she was totally ignoring her, never moving her eyes from the dance floor.  You could see by their body language that they were not getting along.  The men seemed oblivious to the fact that they were clearly wasting their time.  At one point, one of the men left for the restroom and the other man immediately turned his attention to the other man’s wife, who was sitting in front of him.  His partner seemed eager to get his attention but he was focusing on the other woman.  Big mistake!  When she realized he was completely blind to her feelings (which were obvious to me from across the room), she jumped off the stool and walked away without a word.  The man was left standing there unsure of whether to remain talking to this other woman or to follow his girlfriend.  Eventually the first man returned and he left to find his partner.  I lost track of them but suspect the night did not end well for this couple.

How could this have played out differently?  Perhaps if he had been paying attention to her body language he would have observed (as I did) that the women were not compatible.  Without this dynamic, nothing can happen between the couples.  Communication is always a priority if couples are going to be successful in the lifestyle but in this case, it was more about simply paying attention to his significant other.

Let’s face it, it is not logical to imagine that people are always going to like each other and click simply because their spouse wants it that way.  Women, especially, can be a little more complicated when it comes to jelling with one another and this is something men must consider if their night is going to run smoothly!  Imagine had the men tried to coerce those two women into a rendezvous in the backroom together!  That would have been a nightmare before, during and after.

There are times when a couple might enter a lifestyle event but one of the couple isn’t really “feeling it.”  They try to go along and have a good time but ultimately they are looking forward to simply playing with their own partner that night.  Honestly, if your partner really knows you well, they will see it.  The majority of the time, our body langauge speaks volumes without you having to explain it.  If your partner is not tuned into you it can be a mess.

Swingers, perhaps more than any other type of couple, must be tuned in to their partners at all times if they want to have success when in a lifestyle environment.  Couples are there to meet others, and for many couples it is with the intent to find another couple to swing with for that night.  When you are engaged in a conversation with another couple, make sure you pay attention to the signals your partner might be trying to send you as it isn’t always possible to talk freely at this point.  If he/she is actively engaged in conversation and smiling easily, chances are they are interested.  If they are looking away or turning their body away from the group, chances are this means no, not a good fit.  If your partner is grabbing onto your arm or pulling you towards them, you might want to consider that they are not interested.

The same goes for couples approaching you on a dance floor.  Sometimes the man will turn his wife around to dance facing you.  Are they expressing interest?  Probably, but the choice is yours if you are open to getting closer to them.  If they do not interest you, you can simply dance away from them.  It is probably never a good idea to push your partner toward someone else without knowing that they have some interest.

What about when you are in the play area?  A couple is next to you and starts to touch you while you are with your partner.  How can you know if your partner would like to play with the other?  These are times that verbal cues that the two of you have discussed ahead of time come in very handy!  If you have not thought of this (perhaps you should), again, look at your partner.  Do they appear interested in switching?  If they continue to play with you and make no move to join the other couple, perhaps you should take that as a sign that they are not interested.  The last thing you want is to put your partner in a situation that they do not want to be in.  Body language in a situation like this is usally a very good indicator of interest or not.  If your significant other pulls you close or they close off their body with their arms, it should let you know that they are not interested!  If they turn towards this couple with outstretched arms, that is a good sign!

Swinging should be enjoyable and easy for both the man and woman of the couple.  If your partner is not paying attention to you and what you are trying to convey to them, things probably will not end well for that night.  One of the problems in the lifestyle is that when you are constantly surrounded by and approached by other couples, communicating freely can be a challenge.  Women must remember that if they want their husband or boyfriend to know exactly how they are feeling, they must make it a point to convey this to them.  If you already know that your man is not very good reading nonverbal cues, don’t expect him to know what you are trying to say if you don’t speak up.

The best course of action for any couple is to try to consider each situation and decide if it looks like your signifiacnt other is interested in the same thing as you.  You might be attracted to the male part of a couple but either  ask your man or observe him to see if he looks happy.  Same thing for your wife.  If she is clearly unhappy with a situation, walk away.  If you are a couple, you should expect to put each other first.  It is probably a good rule of thumb to always stop and think about how you would feel if the situation were reversed.  What is good for one should be good for the other.

Is a key party just a more polite way of saying swinger party?

Friends at a key party wearing Partners ID jewelry
Friends at a key party wearing Partners ID jewelry

 

 

Key party?  What on earth is a key party?!

Believe it or not, the subject of swinging was brought up recently by my mother; yes, my mother. The funny thing is, this isn’t the first time.

I can remember when I was in my late teens, we bumped into a woman who lived down the street. The woman kissed my mother on both cheeks (which I found very odd since this woman was born and raised in NY) and admonished my mother for not joining them at their last party. “We have been dying to get you and Dan to come to our parties! Trust me darling, you will love them!”

I thought it was odd that this woman spoke about parties as though they were a regular occurrence at her home and I thought it more odd that my parents were invited and were declining the invitation(s).

As we walked away I asked my mother why she didn’t want to go to this woman’s parties. She turned and looked at me as if to decide if I were old enough to hear her answer. Apparently she thought I was, so she told me that this woman and her husband were throwing key parties once a month at their home. Key parties? I searched my brain for a possible explanation for what a key party could possibly mean but I came up blank. I looked at her and shook my head to show her I had no idea what that meant.

“A key party is where you go to someone’s home and at the end of the night you all throw your house keys into a pile. Each woman picks a key and goes home to spend the night with the man who owns that house key.” I can remember trying to wrap my head around what she had just explained to me but there was no part of me that could make any sense of this. I had so many questions but I chose to continue with the most pressing:

“What if you pick a key and don’t the like the man it belongs to,” I asked. “Exactly the reason I would never want to participate in a key party” my mother explained.

So you randomly pick a key and that’s what decides who you go home with?!

That didn’t help my head to understand this whole thing. My mother’s answer confused me as much as her explanation of the party! I couldn’t help but think that she would be ok with the whole thing if she could choose the man with whom she would spend the night.

Is this what adults did? How come I had never heard about this before? Neighbors were sleeping with neighbors? The woman who was throwing these parties had a son who was a good friend of mine. Did he know about these parties? What did he think? Who else was going to these parties? I had so many questions! When I tried to bring up the subject of these alleged key parties of few days later with my mother, she simply said she was joking. She said that was what she had heard but didn’t really know if there was any truth to it. That was the last time we talked about it. Obviously, it was a conversation I never forgot.

Fast forward to yesterday. I am no longer in my late teens so perhaps now I am really old enough to hear the truth.

“Someone told your father that there is a whole group of younger people where we live that are swapping wives,” my mother reported. “Your father seemed shocked but I reminded him that way back when, everyone at our country club up north was doing the same thing.”

I asked if she was referring to those infamous key parties she had once mentioned. “Oh, no, this is something different. For years, many couples at the club were sleeping with each other. Everyone knew about it.”

Everyone but me…

Before I had the chance to ask, she named a few couples that did not surprise me to hear about, but did not include herself and my father. I didn’t ask and she didn’t say anything more. Although I can’t say for sure, I don’t think they were swingers. Maybe I am wrong, but since she knows a small bit about my lifestyle (kind of a don’t ask don’t tell type thing), she certainly knows I am open to swinging.

Does every adult get invited to a key party?

When I was newly married and had moved with my husband to a new state, I remember hearing about a key club in a nearby community. I was shocked to hear mention of this “key party” thing again. I was once again curious as to whether this was something common amongst married couples. Eventually, someone did approach us about attending one of their parties but we declined. When we had young children and were relatively newly married, it was as far off my radar as could be. I couldn’t in a million years imagine ever wanting any part of that.

Obviously, over time, we changed, but it was when the time was right for us. We also never took part in a “key party” for the same reason my mother claimed she did not. If I were going to play with someone else, I didn’t want to leave it to chance. I wanted to choose the person who would be good for me and I wanted to do it with my husband right there.

Maybe swinging is just not that uncommon…

The thing that interests me the most is not the history of the key party, but rather that they seem to be relatively common. When my mother mentioned this latest discovery about the young group where they live having sex with each other, my fist inclination was to say that it seems swinging is much more common than even I had realized. She looked at me funny and said, “Who said they are swingers?”

This always brings me back to the same question: Are married people having sex with friends but not referring to this as swinging? Are “key parties” not swinger parties? In my book, married couples who are having sex with other married couples are swingers. From what I am realizing, it is actually very common and it seems to be very wide spread.

It seems people don’t like to be labeled. This is not something new either. Perhaps if we found another way to refer to swingers more people would want in. Maybe we can just call swingers fun couples. I would bet that if that was the term to replace swingers, more people would admit to their open minded ways. After all, who doesn’t want to be a fun couple?

Love does play a role in swinging but not in the way people might imagine.

Couple in love wearing Partners ID jewelry
Couple in love wearing Partners ID jewelry

When we think about swinging, we do not think about love. The purpose of swinging is to have fun. To find another couple or a single man or woman to fulfill a fantasy. Sex is a physical act and does not require love to participate. Swinging equates to sex without love whereas a marriage incorporates love and sex.

To people who are not in the lifestyle, it is a very difficult concept for them to grasp. They frequently ask if couples in the lifestyle if they are afraid that their partner could fall in love with someone else. Sure, anything is possible, but you do not have to be a swinger to be at risk of falling in love with someone else.

Swinging has nothing to do with love. Swingers do not seek out the lifestyle to find a partner to share their life with. Single swingers might be looking for someone who shares their lifestyle views but couples are not there for this reason.

Vanilla couples cannot understand how swingers do not get jealous when they see their partner with someone else but it always reminds me of something from the Bible. The following is a part of the passage, not the entire thing: (I am not religious, or Catholic, but this always comes to mind):

Love is patient. Love is kind. Love does not envy, it does not put on airs, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, and it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. So Faith, Hope and Love abide these three; But the Greatest of these is Love.”

In my opinion, the only role love plays in swinging, is between the couple that decides together that they would like to explore the  lifestyle.  You love your partner enough to give them the freedom to partake in things they otherwise could not, and you find joy in seeing them enjoy those things.  You have faith in your partner; you allow them to play because you are sure they will come back to you.   You are able to express love for each other by forging your own path.  You do not allow others to dictate to you what is normal.  Although society equates love with monogamy, you choose to define love your own way and you know the love between you and your partner is mutually exclusive.  You hope that your love is forever and that these experiences will only enrich your lives.

There is no love between couples that play but there can be infatuation or lust.  How can you love someone that you don’t really know?  The person who shows up at parties or swing clubs or on vacations or cruises allows you to see only a small part of who they are.  The real person is the one who has to get up for work in the mornings; the person who has to clean up after their children or their dog.  The true person is not always dancing and having fun but paying bills and dealing with stress.  Until you know that person, how can you really know that you love them?

The part of swinging that makes it so enjoyable is that we get to dress up, have a few drinks, dance or socialize then move onto the swinging aspect.  Spending an evening with swingers is like going out on New Year’s Eve.  It’s always a big party, but is that real life?  It is an awful lot of fun and the environment lends itself to getting hot for other people, but that is the whole point.  We go into swing clubs looking for others to spend a few hours with but not our lives.

If people in the lifestyle were not able to separate sex and love, swinging could not exist.  It is the rare couple who can find that delicate balance and make it work.  If couples were constantly falling in love with each other, swing clubs would be empty.  Who would want to risk their relationship for an evening of fun?
The most important thing is to keep perspective.  Having sex with someone else is just for a moment of pleasure, whereas being in a committed relationship is hopefully for a lifetime.

My name is Chris and I’ve been swinging for over 20 years.

Chris, who has been swinging for 20 years, sipping coffee wearing a Partners ID necklace
Man sipping coffe wearing Partners ID necklace.

My name is Chris and I have been swinging for over 20 years.  This is the first time I have ever met swingers without actually seeking them out either online or by attending a swinger’s event.

I often travel for business and my wife and I have an open marriage. What happens on the road, stays on the road and what my wife does while I’m on the road is all good. (I just want to hear all about it).

Recently my work took me to Boston, MA and while I have been there before, I never really thought of is as a place that would be riddled with swingers. Boston is a college town with so many young people that I never thought much about swinging when I visited in the past.

What set this trip apart was that my wife surprised me for our anniversary and bought me a beautiful gold and silver necklace from you, which of course has the pendant for swingers. I wear it everyday but never really expected to meet random swingers. Well, I was wrong on two accountants. First, Boston is a whole lot more than a college town, and second, you will meet random swingers when you wear the jewelry.

After spending the morning in a meeting, I needed to get some fresh air. I walked out to find a Starbucks so I could sit and answer some emails on my computer. I ordered some coffee, sat down at a table, and got to work. About 5 minutes after sitting down, a couple walked over and asked if they could sit at the table with me. I glanced up at them and told them no problem. We were sitting in a corner where we had relative privacy. Starbucks was busy and it was quite loud. I looked back down and started to type when I overheard the conversation between the couple. They were discussing their travel plans for an upcoming vacation to Miami and how they were excited to finally meet a couple they were talking to on SDC. As soon as I heard SDC I looked up and they were both looking at me. I didn’t say anything but the woman asked me if I was on SDC. I was taken back but then she pointed to my necklace.

Honestly I couldn’t believe it! I took out my headphones and told her I was on SDC and assumed they were as well. She opened her bag, took out a card and handed it to me. She said she hoped to hear from me soon. With that, the two of the them got up from the table and left. I was so shocked I could barely believe what had just happened. How lucky to be in the right place at the right time!

Needless to say, i immediately signed on to SDC to check them out. They looked to be a very hot couple who are totally open so I sent them an email telling them I was only in town until the next day but would love to meet up with them. I got a response from them within a half an hour inviting me to their home that evening.

I won’t go into too much detail but I will say it was a wonderful experience that I would never have had if it were not for wearing your necklace. As you can see I have placed an order for a few more pieces. Although my new friends knew what the jewelry meant, they did not own the jewelry. As a thank you I have purchased these pieces for them.

I’m very excited for what I might experience in the future. We have been swinging for more than 20 years and nothing like this has ever happened to me before. This is a great help for swingers who like to meet others in unlikely places.

That’s my story!

Chris K.

Swingers are not the only people hanging around at swing clubs.

Swingers talking to vanilla girl, both wearing Partners ID jewelry
Swinger friends talking to vanilla girl, both wearing Partners ID jewelry

Swing clubs have changed dramatically over the years

Many years ago, when the baby boomers made up the majority of swingers, swinging was much less complicated. When people showed up at a swing club, you knew they had to do their homework to even find the place! Before the internet, finding other swingers, or a place to swing, was much more difficult. If you didn’t find it in a magazine or hear it by word of mouth, there was really no other way to know about it.

Besides being difficult to find, swing clubs were illegal and visiting one was risky, people never knew which night the club could be raided by police and they would all be arrested. Curiosity seekers were not going to chance checking out a swing club. The only customers swing clubs were seeing were hard core swingers. It created a cohesive group of swingers who were there for one reason, and that was to swing.

What we see in swing clubs today is nothing like the swing clubs of the past. Today, when you are in a swing club, some people are there to swing and some people are not. It seems that at the more popular swing clubs, as much as 40% of the people in the clubs are not swingers at all.

Why go to a swing club if you are not a swinger?

Swing clubs have become hip places to go. Years ago, strip clubs fell into favor with couples who were looking to shake things up. It was risqué to tell your friends that you had been in a strip club. With the exposure that swing clubs have gotten over the past few years, they have taken over as the new racy spot to be seen. It’s not uncommon to see people whip out a camera and start taking pictures under the sign for the club outside and then again upfront inside the club. Years ago, if you even took out your phone, you would be asked to put it away for fear that you might capture someone in a picture.

What does a non swinger do in a swing club?

For people who are not familiar with a swing club, many of them are as beautiful as any big city night club. Although they require a membership plus an entrance fee, once you are inside, in most clubs, everything else is on the house. You bring your own liquor so you are not paying through the nose for your drinks, mixers and sodas are available free and most clubs have dinner, and some even have breakfast. There is always a dj and the dance floors usually have very updated lighting and special effects. They show music videos and porn on big screens around the clubs.

As for the backroom or playroom, most couples who are not swingers remain up front for the duration of their night. Just like any other club, they dance, drink and socialize. When they are ready to leave, they head out of the club. For the couples who are curious, they tend to sit and watch others playing in the back or walk around to see what it’s all about. Not surprisingly, swingers do not appreciate seeing them in the play area. Even for couples who are exhibitionists, non swingers are not a welcome sight and are easy to spot.

How can you tell who the swingers are?

The first part of the equation is to filter out the swingers from the others. Even seasoned swingers have trouble distinguishing between the two. Most couples who enjoy swing clubs are very social. They like the atmosphere and easily assimilate socially in the front of the club. What they don’t realize, is that swingers are there to swing, not to entertain curiosity seekers. Once swingers have come to the realization that you are not there to swing, most will simply say hello and avoid you.

Let us not confuse newbies with vanilla people. Newbies are welcome at any club as everyone at one time was in their situation. Besides, they are people who want to swing, vanilla people do not. They are strictly looking to be part of the scene. They like the environment and the energy of a swing club. More often than not, vanilla people will come to a club as a group. They are not looking to meet other couples as they are not swingers. Those who do come alone (as a couple), might try to socialize but when another couple realizes they do not swing, the swingers will move on.

Swingers are not opposed to couples who come to swing clubs and strictly play with each other. Some couples are exhibitionists and enjoy when others watch them. Swing clubs are an acceptable place for couples like this. Swing clubs, however, are not a place for curiosity seekers to visit or frequent.

For vanilla couples who enjoy the sexually charged environment of a swing club, a strip club might be a better alternative. These establishments are more suited for their desire to watch others while not engaging.

Why private parties have fallen into favor with swingers.

Years ago, if swingers were looking to swing, they went to a swing club. It was rare that people would host private swinger parties in their home. Most people did not want to host a party where people would have sex all over their house and they would be left to clean up the condoms the next morning.

Since swing clubs have become more diluted and the percentage of swingers in any swing club has declined dramatically, private parties have become more popular. Swingers now choose to host events where the only requirement of the attendees is to swing. A private invite only party is the only way to ensure that the group will consist strictly of swingers. Someone at a party we attended recently said, “Wouldn’t it be great if someone opened a club for swingers so we wouldn’t have to keep planning private parties?” Sad, but true, swing clubs that are strictly for swingers, no longer exists. Even a private club that requires a membership is not a sacred swinger place any more.

Vanilla couples who read this might think swingers are snobs for the way that they feel but let us look at this in another way. If swing clubs did not exist and swingers were forced to meet at regular clubs, how would the vanilla population respond? “Get a room” would probably be a common phrase thrown at couples who display any public affection. Straight people do not have a lot of tolerance for swingers and are the first to admit they do not approve of this lifestyle.

Let’s look at this way…

How about if people who do not gamble hang out in casinos. They sit at the blackjack table or crowd around a craps table and watch. The people gambling would be forced to maneuver around them to do what they came for, which is gamble.

Have you ever gone into Starbucks to have a cup of coffee with a friend but there are no empty seats. There are many people sitting on computers at tables but many are not even drinking coffee. I imagine most people are frustrated by this and wonder why they are there if not to drink coffee.

This very same principle applies to swingers. If you are not a swinger, why are you hanging around a swing club? The truth is, swingers are in a swing club to meet other swingers, period. It is not that we are snobs or unfriendly or don’t like to meet others. It is actually the exact opposite. Swingers are going to swing clubs to meet other swingers. If we were looking to spend time with or meet vanilla people, there are endless other places we would be, but the one place we would not be, is in a swing club.

Condoms: are they a must when swinging or are some playing bareback?

Questioning whether couples must wear condoms: Woman thumbs up, man thumbs down. Both wearing Partners ID jewelry.
Questioning whether couples must wear condoms: Woman thumbs up, man thumbs down. Both wearing Partners ID jewelry.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Condoms are not a new invention.  They have been around for a long time and most people over the age of 13 are pretty aware of their existance.  What many people do not know, is that the only condoms which protect against STDs are made of latex or plastic.  Lambskin and other animal products do not protect you from STDs, only pregnancy.  Surprisingly, many people only associate condoms with being a form of birth control, yet they are equally as important in protecting men and women from contracting sexually transmitted diseases.   With such easy access to condoms you would expect that everyone who is not in a comitted relationship would use them when having sex.  Apparently this is not the case for many people, both young and old.

We all know that swingers are open to having sex with people outside of their core relationships.  They frequently swap with other couples or find single men or women to join them for threesomes (or more).  Often times, people who swing, have sex with complete strangers or people they don’t know very well.  There are some swingers who prefer to play only with people they are very friendly with or have known for a long time.

My question is:  do we know anyone well enough to honestly know whether or not they might have a STD or worse?  Even if they tell you they are clean, does this mean that they are?  How about if they get tested once a year and show you their test results?  Does this mean that one month later, they are still STD free?  Who could possibly know this?

So we all know that it is honestly not possible to know for sure that someone is disease free even after they have been tested if they have played only one time.  That’s all it takes, one time to become infected with something.  This would make one think that with this kind of risk, condoms would be the rule, right?   Apparently this is not the case.

Recently on Facebook, someone tossed out a question for others to respond to.  The question was “condoms or not?” This person is a facebook friend of mine and the facebooker in question is in the lifestyle.  I was planning to ignore the question and continue scrolling down my page when I noticed there were 54 comments.  Really?  54 people needed to have the same response?  I scrolled back up to glance at the first few and to my absolute shock, the answers were as diverse as a bipartisan discussion about gun control!   It seems to me that when we stopped being bombarded with news regarding AIDS and other sexually transmitted diseases, people slowly went back to old habits thinking that these diseases were a problem of the past.

People were very passionate about their answers but clearly there was a huge divide.  Really?  In 2017 we are still questioning whether or not we must use protection when having sex with strangers?!  Oddly enough, some of their reasons for not using condoms made sense in the context in which they presented their arguments.  It stands to reason, they explained, that if you are comfortable enough doing everything but having intercourse with someone without protection, why draw the line there?  It’s not a crazy argument.  People will go down on girls and give guys a blow job without considering the need for protection.  They lick each other and kiss each other and touch each other with no problem.  I’ve seen guys cum in girls mouthes and girls cum in guys mouthes and honestly, you know what?  That’s not much safer, STDs can still be transmitted orally, it’s just not as risky.
Personally, I will not have sex with a friend or a stranger without a condom, but now I understand why, more often than not, I have to prompt the guy I am with to wear a condom.  It always surprises me that men would want to have sex without a condom.  Some of these men have never met me before so why would they just assume it’s safe?  Especially in the lifestyle, where people are frequently having sex with different people.  Why would you feel confident about them being free of diseases?
It could be part of the culture of people who are drawn to the lifestyle.  By nature, most swingers are risk takers.  Many ride motorcycles, some experiment with drugs, drive fast cars and are in occupations such as firefighters, EMTs, doctors, lawyers, stock brokers, etc.  Many are self proclaimed adrenalin junkies.  This makes it easier to understand why swingers might be more inclined to take risks.
Although there are swingers who are hoping to play “bareback”, not every swinger is willing to play without a condom.  Personally, in my own experience, more often than not, swingers are not willing to have intercourse without a condom.  The majority of swingers I have come across carry a bag with condoms when they enter the playroom and insist that everyone they play with use a condom and change them if they switch partners.
 I always imagined everyone in the lifestyle would be on the same page.  At least  my husband agrees with me, no condom, no sex.  For us, that will never change…

Lifestyle jewelry makes it so easy to find other swingers; just ask this bartender!

Handsome bartender wearing Partners ID bracelet
Handsome bartender wearing Partners ID bracelet

 

 

Dear Partners ID,

I’m not much of a letter writer but after reading some of the other letters people sent about how they met others because of your jewelry I figured I’d give it a shot.

I am a 38 year old single man and I used to swing with my long term girlfriend. We live pretty close to a swing club and we used to spend a lot of time there. After we broke up I was not comfortable going alone so I have pretty much been out of the lifestyle since our breakup last year.

I do have a profile on Kasidie but single guys have a hard time simply because of the sheer number of them. When I meet women and try to talk about the lifestyle, it doesn’t go over very well.

I took a vacation a few months ago to Desire (brought a girl I was seeing, very bad idea), and discovered your jewelry. I had actually heard about it but didn’t realize that I was the perfect candidate to wear it. I saw quite a few people wearing it and decided to buy a bracelet. I like it a lot and whenever I have worn it I get a lot of compliments on it.

I work in a very busy bar in downtown Houston. The bar is a hangout for locals and on the weekends packs a big crowd. Last Thursday night I was working and two couples were doing shots of whiskey when one of the women asked to see my bracelet. As I turned my wrist to give her a closer look she slipped a card in my hand. It was a personal card with their SDC screen name and your logo! I laughed and she told me they were having a house party the following weekend and wanted me to come.

It was that simple! I couldn’t believe how easy that was. After all this time of looking and trying to find a way to get back into the lifestyle! Needless to say I am going to this party and just wanted to thank you!

Happy Holidays!

AJ

Why you must be able to trust your partner in order to be successful in the lifestyle.

Woman with trust issues . All 3 wearing Parnters ID jewelry
Woman feels left out. All 3 wearing Partners ID jewelry

 

 

 

 

Trust is something that is vitally important for any relationship to be successful. Some people believe that trust is more important than love in order to sustain a healthy relationship with another person. According to dictionary.com, trust means the following:

1. Reliance on the integrity, strength, ability, surety, etc., of a person or thing; confidence.
2. Confident expectation of something; hope.
3. Confidence in the certainty of future payment for property or goods received; credit:

If you cannot rely upon or have confidence in the person you share your life with, there are sure to be problems between the two of you. Having trust in another person allows you to feel both confident and safe.

What are some of the ways in which people allow others to trust them?

For one, being dependable for you partner is critical. If your partner knows that regardless of the situation they can turn to you for help and you will be there for them, that helps to build a solid foundation. Supporting your partner is very important. If they need to talk to you about something, be available to them. Don’t diminish their feelings when they open up about something that concerns them. Even if something seems silly or unimportant to you, it might feel the exact opposite to them. Make sure your partner knows you care about them. Don’t just nod your head when they speak, listen to what they are saying and try to help them through the situation.

Trust is not built around control. If you try to control your partner, it makes them feel that you have no confidence in them. Allow them the freedom to do what is best for them and for you, without your interference. Show your partner respect by trusting them around other people. If something is bothering you, discuss it with your partner, not other people. Talking about your partner is never helpful in either resolving problems or in building trust between the two of you.

So how does trust come into play in the lifestyle? Most people believe that their fellow swingers have no trust issues with their partners. How can they? Swinging is built around the philosophy of an open marriage. Without trust, how could you possibly swing?

Trust is critically important in the lifestyle, perhaps even more so, than in the vanilla world. Swingers allow their partners to not only flirt with others, but to have sex with other people. The majority of their time spent in lifestyle venues is for the purpose of finding others to have sex with. If something is happening that makes one person uncomfortable, this could lead to disaster for the couple.

In order for swingers to be successful in the lifestyle, couples must be proficient in communicating with one another. Nothing can be held back when talking about the lifestyle. If one person is feeling insecure or uncomfortable about something, it must be spoken about immediately. Trust is the most important factor in determining the success or failure of a couple who decides to enter the lifestyle.

Often times one person is actually acting in a way that their partner finds offensive but to keep the peace, they let it slide. It is very important to make sure your partner comes first in the lifestyle regardless of how long the two of you have been swinging. From the moment you step foot into a swing club or party, you must remember you are a couple first and foremost. Make sure your partner is happy and comfortable at all times. Your partner must feel that you are there for them no matter what the circumstance. Does your partner need a refill for their drink, would they like to dance, do they like the people you are talking with? Are you paying attention to everyone except them? Is there a person you find attractive and are spending too much time watching them or trying to flirt with them? Although in your mind that is why you are at the club or the party, your partner might not appreciate the way in which you approach swinging.  A simple loving gesture from time to time goes a long way to letting your partner know you are thinking of them.  Hold their hand, a gentle kiss or even touching their hair will let them feel that you are thinking about them.

One of the best ways to ensure your partner will always be happy and comfortable is to consider how you would feel if the tables were turned. Always treat your partner as you would like to be treated. Jealousy is always a possibility in the lifestyle. Although couples always say neither of them gets jealous, this is not always the truth. In order to make sure your partner has no reason to feel jealous, let them know by your actions that they always come first. A united couple is a secure couple. Just like it is important for your partner to trust you, it is equally as important for potential swinger couples to trust you. Nobody wants to find themselves in a situation with a couple who is having problems. It can only lead to disaster for everyone involved and seasoned swingers can spot these couples a mile away.

Swinging is wonderful for couples who are honestly able to trust one another. One of the reasons some couples are so successful in the lifestyle is because of their honest communication. The talk about what they both feel comfortable with and what makes them uncomfortable. They speak honestly about what they like and dislike. Successful couples are like football players. They have a game plan and they stick with it. They have rules and boundaries regarding swinging. They talk about things before they arrive at an event and they rehash how things went afterwards. If something did not go as planned, they discuss how they could have done things differently. They operate as a team. They are in this together and it shows. These are the couples who have the best chance of success in the lifestyle.

Trust is something that people earn from others. When we first meet someone, we never know if we can trust them. It is over time, through actions and words that we discover that either this person is honest and we can rely on them, or they are not and we cannot have confidence in them. If trust was an issue prior to entering the lifestyle, swinging can exacerbate this problem tenfold. If this is an issue for your couple, the lifestyle is probably not the place for you.

The Bliss lifestyle cruise is getting ready to set sail. Are you ready?

Woman on a lifestyle cruise wearing Partners ID jewelry
Woman on a lifestyle cruise wearing Partners ID jewelry

 

 

 

 

Bliss Cruise is getting ready to set sail in less than 2 weeks!  Are you ready?!

Many couples have signed up for and have spent months getting ready for what should prove to be a very memorable cruise.  With the number of people reaching over 2,000,  the Celebrity Equinox boasts 1450 cabins, with 1200 of them being balconies! http://www.blisscruise.com/Our_Cruises/Equinox_Nov_2017   What could be more exciting than planning for a fun filled week on a beautiful ship with so many like minded adults?  Thoughts of days spent lounging around a spectacular pool with other sexy couples, delicious food and drinks galore are enough to get anyone in party mode indeed.

Lifestyle cruises have become extremely popular both with swingers and naturists.  The swingers love it because it allows them to be both nude and enjoy swinging with other couples.  The naturists love it because of the clothing free option these ship allow.

What could be missing from this very sexy image?

The ability to know at first glance who the swingers are.  That brings us back to the same old question swingers have been asking for years:  how can we know which people to approach?  As people in the lifestyle know, naturists are not swingers and do not appreciate being hit on.

So how can we distinguish swingers from naturists?

What could be easier than wearing a necklace or bracelet (or even a temporary tattoo) to let others know that you are there to party?  If you already own a piece of Partners ID jewelry, don’t forget to pack it!  If not, you might want to order yours now so you will have it in time for the cruise!

All of our jewelry is high quality and designed with an active lifestyle in mind.  The pedant (and most of the jewelry) is constructed of stainless steel so it is ok to get it wet!  The idea is to have fun and know who else is on the same page without having to ask!

Bon Voyage!

 

Why swing clubs have become so popular over the past 10 years.

Swing clubs are trending
Swing clubs are trending
 This might not be news to many people in the lifestyle but apparently swing clubs have become a hip place to be seen.  This is quite a contrast to the days when people would do anything to keep their visits to swing clubs a secret!  Although every state is different with regard to the legality of swing clubs, for those that have been fortunate enough to have club owners in their home town go to court and battle, the taste of victory is very sweet for them indeed.  The clubs that reside in legal areas have seen tremendous growth in their clientele over the last decade or so.  For most states, each county has its own laws regarding this, which makes it even better for the owners who put their time and money into making this happen.
The change in the atmosphere in clubs that are no longer underground has been dramatic.  Before they were legal it was very risky for couples to venture out to a club for the evening.  Many people tell stories of making sure to have enough cash in their pockets to be able to make bail if they were to get arrested, after all, who could they call?  Some people recall being terrified of having their names in the newspaper should the club get raided.  Police would drive by at opening time and scare clients away or sit in the parking lot making sure clients were too uncomfortable to go inside.  One thing these long time swingers remember the most was the fact that when they were in the club, every single person there, was a swinger who came to play.  Back then, nobody was going to take the risk just to “check it out”.  That is where the clubs have seen a total change.
Back when it was not legal,  swing clubs rarely had big crowds and generally hosted about 20-30 couples on a Saturday night.  They were sparsely decorated and tended to be rather small in size.  Today, some clubs boast more than ten thousand square feet and rival the swank decor of any hot Miami Beach or New York City night club.  It is not uncommon for the more popular swing clubs to host over 200 couples in a night.  The difference is, a much smaller percentage of couples are there to play.  The truth is, where else can you spend an evening that allows you to bring your own bottle, serves dinner and breakfast and has a dj until 3 in the morning?  While it is true that most clubs have a membership fee, the nightly fees are generally less expensive than a moderately priced restaurant would cost to eat dinner for two.  Swing clubs are night clubs where the atmosphere on every Saturday night is like New Year’s Eve.  What other clubs have a regular clientele like this where couples are looking to make friends?  I have never been to a vanilla club where people want to meet you and your husband or boyfriend; couples are either there to have fun alone or they come to the club with a group of friends
There are times when men bring women into a swing club and she does not even know what kind of a club it really is.  When you spend your evening up front, there is no reason to guess what happens behind the closed doors in the back of the club.  The women usually figure it out when they see people getting carried away on the dance floor or around the bar.  Especially when she realizes that nobody else is shocked except for her!  Porn playing on a large screen in the club is also a dead giveaway that something is not quite kosher.
There has been a surge in the number of young couples who visit swing clubs.  In prior years it was uncommon to see people under the age of 40 visting a swing club.  Today, there are groups which cater to the younger crowd and it has become quite common for the younger groups to out number the 40 year old plus crowd.
For newcomers, the atmosphere of a swing club can be intoxicating.  The energy, the friendliness and the fun to be had is like no other type of club environment.  The sexy dresses, the provocative dancing, the nudity and sexual overtures are tintillating to say the least.  The notion that just behind the closed doors in the back of the club is something that you had always considered forbidden and deviant.  Live sex, both for you to watch and participate in, is never far from your thoughts. This new generation of curious guests soon come to find this part of the club’s appeal; it’s risque and they are a part of it!
The lifestyle has been slow to gain any type of acceptance in most communities but with so many people exploring swing clubs and enjoying the atmosphere perhaps we are seeing a change in attitude.  People are able to enter the clubs and have a good time while noticing that the clientele in the clubs are made up of normal people who are not attacking each other or indiscriminately lusting after one another.  The image most people have of what goes on in a swing club is generally drastically different from what they find when they arrive.  The media has not been particularly helpful in portraying swingers over the years and people outside the lifestyle have no other frame of reference with which to base this on.
Swing clubs are not dungeons with leather clad freaks wearing masks and making unwanted sexual advances to anyone and everyone.  Most people are pleasantly surprised to discover that swing clubs are very similar to any other night club.  One of the aspects that sets swing clubs apart is the friendly clientele.  Couples looking to meet other couples and warmly welcoming to newcomers is something you will not see elsewhere.  Most couples are well dressed and extremely respectful of each other.  People don’t judge and this encourages many couples who might not feel as though they fit in at other types of clubs, to turn to swing clubs.
Moving forward, with this refreshing change in attitude toward the lifestyle and how it has become trendy to be a part of it, people should feel more confident that wearing the jewelry only indicates that they are open minded.  The jewelry shall remain only known to people in the lifestyle but remember that being in the lifestyle does not mean you are a swinger.  It simply tells others that you enjoy that atmosphere and are open to conversations regarding such.