Le Club L; worthy of a special trip to Montreal!

 

Le Club L, Canada

Imagine stepping into a club which is illuminated by soft lighting and glistening colors of pink and blue. Sophisticated white leather sofas and gorgeous side tables strategically surrounding a dance floor. An elegant white stone bar with comfortable bar stools and beautiful bartenders waiting to pour your favorite drink. Beautiful couples waiting to meet you and get to know you. An atmosphere which pulsates with the promise of a night to remember. Welcome to Le Club L…

It is rare that a physical space can actually evoke a sensual feeling. This club has a vibe, unlike any other club we have visited. The sheer beauty of this club is overwhelming.

When the doors open to the interior of the club, it is impossible not to stop and try to take it all in. The vast three-story interior forces you to gaze up at the titillating colors that shimmer from the playrooms on the top floor. Beautiful hues of blues, greens, and pinks teasing you to come upstairs and investigate these gorgeous promises of late-night play.

The architecture of this prior bank building is impossible to ignore but it is the transformation that is most remarkable. The incorporation of the historic with the new makes this space spectacular.

The intricate details of this club’s interior are worthy of mention in Architectural Digest. The wrought iron banisters which glide easily up the circular staircase, the soft texture of the pillowy leather-clad walls, the colors which look like delicious candy. It all adds up to a seduction of the senses.

True to the club’s European style is a restaurant on the second floor which resembles a French cafe. The menu has many tempting tapas and meal choices which are perfect for this type of venue. It was a special treat to be able to watch the bar crowd and dance floor while we enjoyed a variety of delicious dishes.

Le Club L _ Montreal

This beautiful club is located in the fabulous city of Montreal and we believe it should be on your list of places to visit. For those of you who do not think of Canada as a sexy destination, think again! Unlike in most cities and states in the US, swinging is legal throughout Canada. This could be one of the reasons why Canadians are so open-minded!
Another perk to consider: when traveling to Canada: how strong the US dollar is versus the Canadian dollar. The currency exchange between the two countries weighs heavily in favor of the US. The current exchange rate between the Canadian and American currency is close to 35%. This means you get a lot more for your money in Canada!

Having heard so many wonderful things about Le Club El, we decided to visit on a Saturday night while vacationing in Montreal.

The club was easy to find and we were given a warm greeting by the woman in the reception area. We were delighted to learn that Le Club L offers a free one-night membership card to all non-residents of Quebec!

After the reception area, we were greeted by a gentleman who offered us a tour of the club. As soon as the door was opened and we stepped inside, we were stunned by the beauty of the club. The transformation of this former bank, with its spectacular lighting and posh updating, makes this club a must-see!

Kudos to the owners of this beautiful new establishment for their exquisite taste and this bold endeavor. They are not the only game in town, and another well-known club is not more than one mile away.

As soon as we entered the club we were greeted with warm smiles and introductions. The bartenders were quick to serve our drinks and when we spotted a cozy restaurant upstairs, we were excited to try the food. The menu offers an enticing array of choices starting with tapas and ending with desserts. The waitress was very friendly and the food was delicious!

The crowd was classy, attractive and friendly. We never felt like outsiders and it was easy to mingle. The music was upbeat and current, which kept the dance floor moving throughout the evening.

Le Club L - Back Room

After midnight we moved upstairs, which is where the rather large and interesting labyrinth of play areas are situated. Guests are not required to remove their clothing to enter, which is more common than not in Canada. The play area consists of many rooms to choose from, all of which boast clean sheets, condoms, and wipes. If a small, intimate room does not appeal to you, the original table from the former bank’s conference room remains intact and ready to be played upon.

The play area is well tended to by an employee who changes the sheets as guests finish playing. There are shades and doors which allow for privacy if so desired. An added benefit is the perfect temperature, which ensures that the guests will be comfortable both while clothed and when undressed.

Remember the name: Le Club L. It should be on your list of clubs to visit. Montreal is a beautiful city and now has even more to offer! If you are in the lifestyle and are looking to incorporate some lifestyle fun into your next vacation, definitely visit this club. You won’t be disappointed!

For more information about Le Club L, visit their website here:  http://www.leclubl.com

Don’t forget to wear your lifestyle jewelry when traveling to Canada!  Find your’s here: https://www.swingersjewelry.net/jewelry-for-swingers/ 

The pitfalls of relying on social media to meet other swingers.

Couple text messaging wearing Partners ID jewelry

Social media has become a way of life for most people. We have email, instant messaging, apps, and text messaging at our fingertips. When we wanted to communicate in the past, we picked up a phone and called someone. Now it has become much easier and more popular to just shoot a message to someone.

With this surge in the use of nonverbal communication, has come some problems. When we speak in person, others can hear our intonations as we speak. They can hear our excitement, our anger, and if we pause, they can rethink what they said and try to explain on the spot.  When we read a message, at times, we misinterpret what the writer is trying to convey to us.

How does this affect swingers looking for other swingers?

Simply put, when a couple is attempting to communicate with another couple and they rely on a messaging platform, things they write can be misconstrued. It becomes especially touchy when these couples have never met. Sometimes a person has a sense of humor that they try to convey in their messages. If you don’t know that this person is sarcastic, for example, you might misinterpret them as being arrogant. A person who is shy might come across as being disinterested. Perhaps one couple is very busy and so there can be a long delay between messages. If English is the person’s second language, their writing might be seen as a lack of intelligence or education. In any case, the couples might decide against meeting each other for reasons that are not valid.

The other problem that is rampant, is many couple’s disregard for the truth. The number one complaint seems to be the outdated photos that many couples choose to post. Regardless of how attractive and fit you were ten years ago, that no longer represents what you look like today.

If you are afraid that people will not be attracted by your current photos, this is not a reason to post old ones. After all, you will eventually meet in person and the first thing they will notice is that you do not look like your pictures. Many people say that they do this because although they might not like their pictures, they are sure they can win over another couple if they meet in person. The truth is, it does not work like this. We have heard many couples talk about how when they spotted the couple they had arranged to meet and realized they did not look like their photos, they turned around and left.

Some other problems with swinger profiles are lying about age and not being truthful about what you are looking for. If you do not have experience or are not totally comfortable with swapping, be honest. At some point, all of your lies will become apparent to the couples that you meet.  This makes it awkward for everyone. Don’t shave 10 years off of your age and then be surprised when the couple who agrees to meet you is not interested. Don’t expect another couple to “take it slow” if you have written that you are full swap and have tons of experience. Honesty goes a long way in making encounters successful and enjoyable. You will find couples to match with if you let them know who you really are.

Face-time and Skype have given us the ability to chat live.  Perhaps this is the best way to be sure that the couple in the pictures look the same in person. This also allows you to speak in “real-time” and avoid the problems that messaging can cause. Let’s not forget that in some areas, people have to travel quite a distance to meet each other. Remote areas that do not have a swing club or any other lifestyle events tend to be more reliant on technology.  This causes them to be dependent upon messaging.

When messaging with other couples just remember how many times your chats with family and friends have been misunderstood. Not because of what you wrote necessarily, but rather the way the reader interpreted what you meant to say or how you meant to say it. Give people the benefit of the doubt and always try to connect either by video chat or on the phone. This allows you the comfort of hearing what someone is saying and how they are saying it.

One of the other problems facing those who are dependent upon technology is having to a total stranger.  As many swingers will attest, they often “meet” people online who either drag out the process of an in-person meet or don’t show up to arranged meetings. That leaves the couple wondering what went wrong.  There are many people who seem to get off solely from the correspondence of another couple.  They pretend to be interested strictly for the thrill.  There was never any intent to meet.

One of the best pieces of advice for couples who find themselves struggling with flakes and no shows is to insist on meeting early on.  Don’t prolong the process of getting to know someone over texts or emails.  After one or two emails or phone calls, set up a day and a time to meet.  This will prevent you from wasting time with people who have no real interest in actually meeting in person.

When a person or couple finally agrees to meet, the smartest place to meet is a coffee shop.  There is no time or money commitment here and most people agree that within the first five minutes they know if they have any interest.   Wasting an entire evening meeting someone for dinner can be a disaster if you don’t like them.

Don’t forget to use common sense.  If something feels wrong or you get a bad feeling, back up.  Not everyone is honest or has good intentions.  Just like in regular dating, pay attention to what your gut tells you.

Most importantly, have fun.  Swinging is supposed to be fun.  This is not a job, but a lifestyle!  For most people, the time and energy put into finding other couples eventually pays off.

Have you tried wearing our lifestyle jewelry?  Many swingers have found each other simply by spotting others with our jewelry.  Check it out here:  www.swingerjewelry.net/jewelry-for-swingers/

Finding a condom you didn’t know you lost! How can one little condom cause so much trouble?!

Woman holding condom wearing Partners ID  black ring

There are some things that only swingers can relate to. There are situations that we find ourselves in that vanilla people simply cannot imagine.

We recently returned from a trip where we spent a few days partying with a group of lifestyle friends. The days were spent on a secluded beach and the nights were spent running between the jacuzzi and the den of a rented townhome. We drank a lot and had a lot of sex.

Upon my return home, my phone reminded me of my yearly gynecology exam the following morning. Everything was pretty routine until he did the internal part of the exam.

He stands up from his seat on a stool, pushes his glasses up on top of his head and looks me in the eye. “I think somebody lost something,” he said and with that holds up the forceps from which a used condom is dangling…

He knows I am married and had asked about my husband not 2 minutes before discovering the condom. To say I was mortified is a small understatement. I did not (could not) explain.

We had a house party recently and we are always very thorough in our clean up to be sure that there is nothing left behind. ( A rule I might want to consider after traveling with lifestyle friends!) We limit our guests to the family room and kitchen so that we don’t have to concern ourselves with the entire house.  The morning after the party, we checked under the couches and the couch cushions, under the coffee table and wall unit, emptied the garbage, scrubbed the bathroom, you name it. The following evening we had our children over for dinner. While we are eating my son touched something under the table and lifted the table cloth to see what was on the floor. Sitting on the table pedestal was a pair of men’s shoes. I don’t know how we missed them but we did. He picks them up off the floor and looks at my husband. Clearly, they don’t look like the style of shoes my husband wears and the size is much larger than what he wears. Yes, I know what you’re thinking because I was thinking exactly the same thing. How does someone leave a party without their shoes? It hardly mattered at that moment because we both stared at the shoes trying to think of something to say. I had nothing, I was actually laughing to myself about how ludicrous the situation was. My husband made up some lame story about borrowing the shoes but the more he rambled on the more ridiculous the story sounded. I glanced at my children out of the corner of my eyes and could see they were not buying one word. I really can’t imagine what they were thinking.

My husband brought his car in for service recently and when he went to pick up the car they handed him a large envelope and said they had found some personal items on the floor of the car and wanted to make sure they were returned to him. He thanked them and opened the envelope while waiting for them to bring the car around. Inside were 4 pairs of crotchless panties. When he looked up from the envelope the service representative was standing there with the car keys. “I see you got your items back,” he said with a grin on his face. My husband was mortified. He imagined everyone was watching him from inside the showroom as he got into his car. He said he was sure they thought he was having sex with hookers in his car when in reality he often puts my underwear into my boots when we play at the club. I remove my boots when I get into the car often forgetting about the underwear and they get lost under the seat.

We had plans to meet some lifestyle friends for an evening of fun and I was texting my friend’s husband to remind him to bring condoms as we had forgotten to pick some up when we were out. He sent me a sexually charged text and I shot one back to him telling what I was planning to do to him that evening. I didn’t hear back from him and figured he was busy. After playing with them that evening I asked him if I did everything I promised I would do to him. He looked at me with a funny expression and asked what I was talking about. I reminded him of the text I had sent that afternoon following his text to me. He grabbed his phone and scrolled down to look for my text. He was shaking his head no, that he had never received a followup text from me. That was not a very good feeling… I felt a little nauseous as I tried to imagine who might have been the recipient of that text message. I fumbled to find my phone dreading the thought of whose name I was going to find. Well, the good news is that it was not any of our children or relatives. The bad news is that it was not another lifestyle friend. It was an old employee of mine and needless to say there is nothing I can say or do about the text. It is an older woman and quite frankly I can’t begin to imagine what she was thinking when she received it! My only hope is that I never run into her!

As one can never hear too many condom stories, after leaving the club recently in the wee hours of the morning, some friends realized that they had stayed out much later than they had planned. They had a babysitter waiting for them at home so they dressed quickly and raced out of the club. When they pulled up to the house, my friend was grabbing some things from the back seat of the car while her husband went inside to get the babysitter. As my friend walked into the house she saw her husband walking in front of the sitter as they were getting ready to leave so he could drive her home. That’s when she spotted it. There was an open condom wrapper stuck to the back of his hair. The shiny psychedelic wrapper was glittering under the foyer light, impossible to miss. She looked over at the babysitter who was staring at it with a look of horror on her face. “What on earth was I supposed to say?” my friend asked in utter distress. Needless to say, although they really like this babysitter, neither of them are willing to face her so they have no babysitter for now.

These are just a small sample of horrifying events that happen to swingers. As I have said before, swingers can find themselves in some pretty hilarious situations, learning to think fast helps!

Remember to check out our lifestyle jewelry here: https://www.swingersjewelry.net/jewelry-for-swingers/

Ok, fine, I’m a slut, a whore and a nymphomaniac. But, you should know, I’m very satisfied!

Slutty woman in underwear wearing Partners ID belly ring
Slutty woman in underwear wearing Partners ID belly ring

Slut is a word we are all familiar with.  We heard it used a lot in high school to shame girls who had sex with too many guys.  It did not occur to me in those years that we did not have a term for the males who were doing the same thing.

I stumbled upon an article the other day which was talking about the number of sexual partners people have had over the course of their lifetime, and what it says about them.

https://onlinedoctor.superdrug.com/whats-your-number/

The article is actually quite interesting and at the same time a bit alarming. As a swinger, reading that the general population thinks that the ideal number of past sexual partners for both men and women is 7, concerns me.  Seven?! Seriously?! I know people who have sex with 7 different people in one night!

My immediate reaction to the notion that a new man in my life would want to hear that I have only slept with 7 men prior to him, was that I felt a little nauseous. I think I had slept with 7 guys before I graduated from college. What does this mean? I was (and still am) a total slut?  Probably, but lucky for me, my husband appreciates the fact that I love sex as much as he does.

I don’t think anyone would be surprised to learn that both men and women tended to change their true numbers slightly (at their own admission). Men tended to say they have had sex with more women than they actually have, while women tended to say they have had sex with less partners than they have. It is a surprise to me that in the year 2017 people are still so antiquated in their thinking. Men want to be with women who love sex, but they don’t want to be with women who have been too sexually active or who are too experienced.

Perhaps because I have been married for a long time I have lost touch with single stigmas, but come on people, this is 2017. Many people in their 50s, 60s and 70s are part of the baby boomer population. They believe in sex, drugs and rock and roll, don’t they? This generation was having sex, and a lot of it, back in the 60s and 70s. You mean to tell me they were part of this survey? I think not.

I also would have imagined that we were no longer holding women to a different standard than men. We still think men are studs when they have many conquests while women remain sluts for doing the same. We pat men on the back for their accomplishments in bed while we shake our heads in disdain at the women with whom they are doing this. Every time I think we’ve come a long way (baby) I discover that perhaps we really have not. Even the terms we are still using to describe sexually adventurous women versus men have remained unchanged in the way one degrades the woman, while the other praises the man. According to Wikipedia, the term slut is as follows:

Slut is generally a term for a woman or girl who is considered to have loose sexual morals or who is sexually promiscuous.[1][2] It is usually used as an insult, sexual slur or offensive term of disparagement (slut shaming).[2][3] It originally meant “a dirty, slovenly woman”,[2] and is rarely used to refer to men, generally requiring clarification by use of the terms male slut or man whore.

Today, the term slut has a pervasive presence in popular culture and pornography, but is almost exclusively used to describe women. An exact male equivalent of the term does not exist. The lack of a comparably popular term for men highlights the double standard in societal expectations (gender roles) between males and females, as negative terms for sexually promiscuous males are rare.[5][14]

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Slut

This is one of the reasons why swinging and the lifestyle are such wonderful outlets. Nobody is judging anyone within the lifestyle. If you love sex, good for you! Curious to try something new? This is the place! Judge free zone! Everyone is free to explore their fantasies. In all of the years that I have been in the lifestyle, I have never heard anyone put a woman down for sleeping with too many men. Even the women who like gang bangs and trains. Most people just shrug their shoulders and say whatever she’s into to, glad she’s having fun.

For swingers, the standards set by the general population do not apply. Men in the lifestyle are not really interested in women who do not want to play. People are in the lifestyle for this purpose! Sexually open women are the norm, as are the sexually adventurous women.  Men seem drawn to the women who exude sex as they are certain that it will prove to be an enjoyable experience.  As far as asking about or caring about how many sexual partners someone has had?  I’ve never heard anyone discuss this within the confines of the lifestyle. Truth is, most people would probably laugh and say, “I have no idea, I lost count!”

It fascinates me that men who are not in the lifestyle prefer women who have slept with (at most) 7 partners. They feel that more than that signifies a promiscuous woman. What the survey did not discuss was a woman’s age. What if she’s 50 and has never been married? I hope these men are open to the thought that their partner likes to masturbate. Or, open to the notion that this partner does not like sex. Either way, how do you put a number on something like this, and more importantly who are they to judge?

Women also think the magic number of previous partners for men is 7. For a man who is 25, I can see how this number is probably fair game. If the man is 40, I’m not so sure.

I think I can speak for most people in the lifestyle when I say that the number 7 made me laugh out loud when I heard it. Most real swingers who spend every weekend (and for some 1 or more nights a week) in a lifestyle venue of some sort, would probably agree that they hit that magic number often; some after a few weeks, others after a few months.

Does this make all the women in the lifestyle a bunch of sluts?  Probably to those who choose not to be in the lifestyle. What about the men? I imagine they would simply call the men in the lifestyle “lucky”. For those who are in the lifestyle, I sincerely doubt they care. They are usually both very happy in their relationship with their significant other and with their decision to swing. I suppose if any of us find ourselves single and being asked our “number,” we have two choices: lie or look for another swinger!

Speaking of looking for other swingers: that’s what our lifestyle jewelry was created for! Click here to find the perfect piece for you!     https://www.swingersjewelry.net/jewelry-for-swingers/

Does one’s alter ego play a role in the lifestyle?

Librarian alter ego sexy woman

 

 

Perhaps swinging allows us to develop an alter ego…

After listening to the ever-entertaining podcast “Our Naughty Escapades” where Bob and Nicky introduce themselves by their real names, it made me think. While I have been listening to “Ben and Jen” for all this time, I wonder if these fake names allowed them to explore a riskier side of themselves.  Often times in swing clubs or lifestyle events people will wear wigs or other disguises hoping to avoid recognition.

So what is an alter ego exactly?  According to Dictionary.com https://www.dictionary.com/browse/alter-ego alter ego is defined like this:

1.  a second self; a perfect substitute or deputy
2.  an inseparable friend.
3.  another aspect of one’s self.

Entering the lifestyle can be daunting for most people.  It is a common fear for newbies that someone will recognize them.   The plan for most couples is the same: we will look around and if we spot people we know, we will leave.

But wait! If they are there too, why would they judge you for being there? They won’t, but that will not always help to ease the nervousness of couples who are coming in for the first time.

For this reason, some people like to try to change something about themselves so that others will not recognize them. Some women wear wigs, some people wear glasses and some simply change their name or profession.

While many people initially do this to avoid detection, they often discover that it is easier to act in a way they would not if they were not in disguise. Simply changing your name (which is so common) seems to allow people to feel free to explore.

Do these small, seemingly insignificant changes allow our alter egos to shine? Like Nicky said after revealing her real name, she misses naughty “Jen.” That’s because as “Jen,” she felt free to behave in a way that she does not yet feel comfortable acting as Nicky.

Alter egos are liberating! If we believe others cannot really see us as we truly are, perhaps we feel more confident.  It allows us to expose parts of ourselves that we might otherwise feel inclined to suppress or hide.

I can remember going out to a swing club for Halloween. We live close to the club, so we spend a fair amount of time there. This Halloween night, when both the girls at the front desk and the bartenders did not recognize me, something inside clicked. I walked around and realized that with a red wig on, I had become totally unrecognizable to people. It was so liberating to be able to act in a way that I otherwise would have felt too shy to do. I felt bolder and more open than I ever had before.

It was apparent that some people who tended to be shy, seemed to have found confidence by wearing a costume. It seemed to summon something inside them that did not usually come out.

The dance floor on Halloween was exceptionally crowded. People who are not usually on the dance floor were suddenly letting loose. The power of their costumes was startling.

For some people, simply entering the lifestyle creates an alter ego. By day, someone might be a teacher, a doctor or an accountant. By night, that same person lets loose and has sex with a group of total strangers. A religious individual who wears modest clothing during the day suddenly reinvents herself at night and wears mini skirts, skimpy tops and thigh high boots.

Alter egos are a healthy way to explore another side of oneself. It allows a person the freedom to behave in a way that would be impossible under normal circumstances. Imagine the slutty religious woman wearing her club clothing in her own community. Would never happen, and if it did, she would surely be shunned.

Do we all have a secret alter ego busting to be let out? A superhero begging to be unleashed? A slut living deep inside ourselves wishing to get out to explore her sexuality?

Whatever the answer is, the lifestyle is a wonderful place to probe this side of oneself. It is almost fantasy like to be able to be free to act in a way that your day to day self does not feel free to do. Try it!

If you admire the lifestyle tattoo in the image, you can purchase it here, in our online store:

https://www.swingersjewelry.net/jewelry-for-swingers/

Are there any swingers in Hong Kong? The answer is yes, just ask this couple.

Asian woman wearing Partners ID swinger jewelry

Dear Partners ID,

Nǐmén hǎo! This is hello in Cantonese. We are Lidia and Sam and we live in Hong Kong. We had to move for business a few years ago. We moved from California almost 2 years ago when my husband was offered a job he couldn’t turn down.

We have been in the lifestyle for the past 10 years and one of the hardest things about this move was leaving our friends. As you know, lifestyle friends are very special and we couldn’t wrap our minds around having to say good bye.

One of the first things we did after getting settled into our new home was to try to discover if swinging was popular in our area. Although we did see quite a few listings for swing clubs, we were nervous to take this route. My husband was new to the company and the last thing he wanted, was to run into someone he worked with.

We did take a chance online to try to meet others for an evening of play but that was not working out so well. After a few months we were getting antsy and very much wanted to play!

I had heard about your jewelry when we were still living in California and decided to order a few pieces for us to try. I purchased a necklace for my husband and a bracelet for myself and waited for them to arrive. I wasn’t really sure that anyone in Hong Kong would actually know what it meant but figured it couldn’t hurt!

I wear my bracelet most of the time but my husband prefers to wear his only when we go out socially. We went for dinner at a trendy restaurant one evening and when we were walking to our table, a woman grabbed my arm as we passed by. I looked down and she was holding a purse with your pendant on it! I was shocked! I never thought it would be this easy! They were with another couple and said they would stop at our table before they left.

Although this particular couple is not our style to play with, they are nice people who have helped us to navigate the lifestyle! They gave us all the information that we needed to meet other swingers and told us which clubs were the best in the area.

This was a few weeks ago and we have been invited to a party (through this couple) that we will attend this weekend. We just wanted to let you know that people in Hong Kong know the jewelry and it is pretty popular here!

Thank you! You really helped us!

Hugs and kisses,

Lidia and Sam

A couple from Australia found a “very cute” swinger because of the jewelry!

 

 

Living in Australia we didn’t expect that after purchasing jewelry we would find another swinger very quickly.  How wrong we were.  We have only had our jewelry for about 3 weeks and were wearing it while out running some errands.  We stopped to grab a bite and while sitting in a corner booth, suddenly a man appeared out of nowwhere and was sitting next to me smiling.  We were  a bit confused but he pointed  to the pendant hanging from his necklace.  How wonderful this was!  Such a surprise and he’s quite cute to look at!  I am so pleased and wanted to thank you!  It really does help you spot other swingers and it really is around the world!  Bravo!

Swingers in Canada discovered their swinger radar was defective.

swinging couple wearing partners id jewelryMy husband and I have been swinging for the past 25 years.  When we first got into swinging, it was underground.  It was illegal and nobody spoke about it.   

Before we really even knew about swinging, our neighbors and we used to splash around naked in our hot tub.  Eventually, this moved onto skinny dipping and having sex side by side.  We never touched our neighbors and they never touched us.  The evenings spent with our neighbors left us giddy and excited.  

It wasn’t until a few years later that someone told us about a “warm club.”  Having never heard of such a thing we became curious and asked if they would take us there.

Soon after they phoned us and asked us to go with them that Saturday night.  We agreed.  We were both excited and nervous about going there.  Long story short, we loved it, and have been swinging ever since. 

The reason for my email is to talk about your jewelry.  Back when we were younger and swinging was very hush-hush, the only place to think about meeting other swingers was at this club.  That is not to say that our eyes didn’t wander when we were out at restaurants and bars!  We often wondered about the people we met.

One summer, we took a trip to Boston to attend my niece’s wedding.  We arrived a few days before the wedding to explore the city.  One evening we went out for dinner, then stopped at a bar before heading back to our hotel.  There was a couple about the same age as us sitting next to us at the bar.  

We struck up a conversation and spent the next two hours laughing and enjoying their company.  We were absolutely certain they were swingers.   The man put his hand on my leg when he told a story and the woman at one point pushed the hair out of my eyes.  

As they were paying their bar tab, my husband and I whispered to each other that we were certain about them.  We had a lot of experience in the lifestyle at this point, and we knew swingers when we met them.  

As they turned to wave goodnight to us, my husband asked if they would like to come back to the hotel with us.  The look of confusion on their faces immediately made me know that we had been wrong.  My husband was slightly drunk and added that we had two queen size beds, plenty of room for everyone!  The couple looked shocked, grabs their coats and left.

How I wish this was the end of my story…

We saw them again during our stay in Boston.  It was the groom’s aunt and uncle.  We ended up at the same wedding two nights later.  It was a rather small group so it was impossible to avoid them.  We were so embarrassed that we didn’t know how to handle it!  When we found ourselves face to face with them, they looked away and pretended not to know us.  

It was a truly awful experience.  

The need for some type of swinger symbol is not new and we are thrilled that someone took the bull by the horns and created one!

Today, it is easy to simply look to see if someone is wearing this sign.  If we spot it, we go and talk to them.  If not, we will never, ever take that chance again.

Lesson learned!

Debbie and Mike

Ottawa, ON 

Canada

Why do swingers seem so much younger than their vanilla counterparts?

woman in swinger lifestyle wearing partners ID jewelry

A coworker recently asked what I had done over the weekend.  Without thinking I said, “A gang bang and 2 very sexy women.”  When I realized what I had said and I saw the look on my coworkers face, I went into panic mode.  Thankfully, that’s when I woke up from this nightmare!

Imagine if swingers could actually be honest with people about how we spend our time.  So often people comment on how I stay in good shape or the fact that my hair or nails are always impeccable.  Well, yea, I’m a swinger!  I spend every weekend at a swing club and many weekends at a nude beach.  It is important for me to look good!

Maybe people who are in the swinger lifestyle are more in tune with their bodies because we don’t keep them covered very often.  Wearing sexy clothing and shoes are one of the fun aspects of going out to swing clubs.  Although on occasion you will spot a woman in jeans and flip flops, it is very rare.  Most swingers dress to impress.

Swinging is a lot like dating.  The goal is to find others with whom to play.  Obviously, like when you are dating, you want to put your best foot forward.  Looking good is certainly a plus.

For those not in the lifestyle, it is easy to stop trying to impress your significant other.  They see you at your best and they see you at your worst and they still love you.  Perhaps this can cause people to become complacent.  After all, once you have settled in with a partner, there are more important things to worry about, right?

Not for swingers!  

When we first entered the lifestyle I was shocked by how much younger swingers seemed.  I can remember meeting couples who were closer to my parent’s age than my own.  It was amazing how fit and sexy they were. Not to mention how open-minded their attitudes were!  I could only attribute these characteristics to the fact that they were in the lifestyle.

The lifestyle takes sex from being an obligation to the exciting fun it was when you first met.  It turns fantasies into realities!  Lifestyle vacations are like sleep-away camp.  All of your friends are there to have fun together.

The lifestyle creates a very busy social life for people who are looking to get involved.  Between meet and greets, parties, swing clubs, hotel takeovers, cruises, and lifestyle resorts there is a lot going on!  Even simply having dinner with lifestyle friends is different.  The conversations are sexier and everyone is looking to have a good time.

Life is exciting when you have things to look forward to.  That is not to say that vanilla people don’t have things to look forward to; obviously, they do.  What swingers look forward to are endless events and parties.  From Sunday Funday to Saturday night specials, every day is a party!  There are many swingers who have already booked cruises for 2021 and beyond!  

It seems that swingers have really found the fountain of youth.  Life can be difficult and stressful but when we put on our swinger hats it is all about fun.  The serious stuff can wait until the next morning!  

Perhaps those in the swinger lifestyle seem younger than their vanilla counterparts for good reasons.  They are active, they are free and they have endless opportunities for fun to look forward to. 

Exploring your fantasies and watching your spouse do the same can be intoxicating!  Flirting with others, having sex with different people all while maintaining a loving relationship with your spouse is beyond compare.  When life is this much fun, who wants to get old?

Love does play a role in swinging but not in the way people might imagine.

Couple in love wearing Partners ID jewelry
Couple in love wearing Partners ID jewelry

When we think about swinging, we do not think about love. The purpose of swinging is to have fun. To find another couple or a single man or woman to fulfill a fantasy. Sex is a physical act and does not require love to participate. Swinging equates to sex without love whereas a marriage incorporates love and sex.

To people who are not in the lifestyle, it is a very difficult concept for them to grasp. They frequently ask if couples in the lifestyle are afraid that their partner might fall in love with someone else. Sure, anything is possible, but you do not have to be a swinger to be at risk of falling in love with someone else.

Swinging has nothing to do with love. Swingers do not seek out the lifestyle to find a partner to share their life with. Single swingers might be looking for love. Some are looking for someone who shares their lifestyle views. Couples are not there for this reason.

Vanilla couples cannot understand how swingers do not get jealous when they see their partner with someone else but it always reminds me of something from the Bible. The following is a part of the passage, not the entire thing: (I am not religious, or Catholic, but this always comes to mind):

Love is patient. Love is kind. Love does not envy, it does not put on airs, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, and it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. So Faith, Hope and Love abide these three; But the Greatest of these is Love.”

In my opinion, the only role love plays in swinging, is between the couple that decides together that they would like to explore the  lifestyle.  You love your partner enough to give them the freedom to partake in things they otherwise could not, and you find joy in seeing them enjoy those things.  You have faith in your partner; you allow them to play because you are sure they will come back to you.   You are able to express love for each other by forging your own path.  You do not allow others to dictate to you what is normal.  Although society equates love with monogamy, you choose to define love your own way and you know the love between you and your partner is mutually exclusive.  You hope that your love is forever and that these experiences will only enrich your lives.

There is no love between couples that play but there can be infatuation or lust.  How can you love someone that you don’t really know?  The person who shows up at parties or swing clubs or on vacations or cruises allows you to see only a small part of who they are.  The real person is the one who has to get up for work in the mornings; the person who has to clean up after their children or their dog.  The true person is not always dancing and having fun but paying bills and dealing with stress.  Until you know that person, how can you really know that you love them?

The part of swinging that makes it so enjoyable is that we get to dress up, have a few drinks, dance or socialize then move onto the swinging aspect.  Spending an evening with swingers is like going out on New Year’s Eve.  It’s always a big party, but is that real life?  It is an awful lot of fun and the environment lends itself to getting hot for other people, but that is the whole point.  We go into swing clubs looking for others to spend a few hours with but not our lives.

If people in the lifestyle were not able to separate sex and love, swinging could not exist.  It is the rare couple who can find that delicate balance and make it work.  If couples were constantly falling in love with each other, swing clubs would be empty.  Who would want to risk their relationship for an evening of fun?
The most important thing is to keep perspective.  Having sex with someone else is just for a moment of pleasure, whereas being in a committed relationship is hopefully for a lifetime.