Is a poor body image keeping you from enjoying ( or entering) the lifestyle?

Body image issues woman wearing Partners ID jewelry

Is a poor body image keeping you from feeling confident in the lifestyle?   Do you worry that having a less than perfect figure will make it hard to find couples who want to swing with you?

The lifestyle poses many challenges to both men and women.    It can be very difficult for someone if they are shy, insecure, become jealous easily and worst of all, if they have a poor self image.  Having a positive self image, especially regarding your body, is crucial if you are planning to swing.  Body image is defined as how you see yourself when you look in the mirror or how you picture yourself in your mind.  Sometimes these perceptions are accurate, but sometimes they are completely distorted and affect how you carry yourself and how you interact with others.  Developing a positive body image and a healthy mental attitude is crucial to a person’s happiness and wellness, and plays a key role to success in the lifestyle.

Swing clubs, parties and hotel takeovers are filled with scantily clad women wearing fishnet dresses, sexy lingerie and exotic mini skirts and dresses which all show a lot of skin.  Many of these women are over the age of 40 and have bodies which indicate as much.  There are women who have beautiful, tight, fit bodies but they are not in the majority.  They are also not always the hottest or the most secure.  It seems that self image plays a much larger role in what makes a woman desirable to both men and other women.  A beautiful, fit woman with poor body image (yes, there are many) seems to be less attractive to others than the overweight woman who is comfortable in her own skin and has an aura of self confidence.  The lifestyle is not about the most attractive person or people, and it is important to remember that everyone is attracted to something different.  A person who is friendly and warm and seems genuinely interested in what you have to say, will be much more attractive to you than someone who is the opposite; regardless of their physical appearance.

Men suffer from the same problem but regarding different aspects of their bodies.  Women tend to be focused on their weight, their breasts and any areas of their bodies they see as imperfect; cellulite on their thighs, a butt that is too large or too small, scars from past surgeries or c sections, etc.  Men tend to be more concerned with their height, their weight, their muscle mass and obviously the size of their penis, as compared with other men.  Interestingly enough, if you were to ask ten men to point out which woman they find most attractive, chances are you would get 6-7 different responses.  For women it would probably be about the same.  Luckily, everyone is attracted to something different.   Imagine if everyone was attracted to the same person!

The lifestyle is supposed to be fun.  When people get too hung up about their bodies and their imperfections it can be a real downer.  Try to remember that swinging is for a short time and if you don’t take advantage of the moment, you will miss it.  Chances are if someone has chosen to swing with you, it is because they think it will be enjoyable.  If you cannot relax and savor the moment, you are not only wasting your night but the night of the person who is trying to have fun with you.  I sincerely doubt that while your partner for the evening is playing with you he is thinking about your thighs.  If, however, you are showing your insecurities regarding your thighs, he probably will look at them to decide if you are right.   When a woman is with a man who is less endowed than most, she will only care if it keeps him from being able to enjoy himself.  If he steps up and shows her he is confident with himself, she knows it will be a fun night regardless of his size.

When everyone in the back room is naked and you appear with something covering you, whether it’s a towel or some garment wrapped around your mid section, chances are everyone will notice you because you are different.   If you step into the play area with nothing but a smile, people will admire your confidence and appreciate that about you.  If you are open to people they will look to join you, it’s that simple.  Big thighs, sagging boobs, cellulite and all, if you show people that you are ok with yourself, they will be ok with you.

Swing clubs, parties and take overs can be fun and exciting.  People come out to party and have a good time.  When you meet people, if they seem friendly and self confident you are drawn to them.  If, on the other hand, you meet people who are shy and withdrawn, chances are you will move on to another couple.  It really is ok if you don’t think you are perfect because guess what?  Pretty much everyone else has the same insecurities that you have, the only difference is that they refuse to let it ruin their night!

 

Remeber to check out our lifestyle jewelry!  New items are offered frequently and we are happy to take custom orders.

https://www.swingersjewelry.net/jewelry-for-swingers/

 

 

 

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Are there any swingers in Hong Kong? The answer is yes, just ask this couple.

 

 

Couple living in Hong Kong wearing Partners ID jewelry

 

Dear Partners ID,

Nǐmén hǎo! This is hello in Cantonese. We are Lidia and Sam and we live in Hong Kong. We had to move for business a few years ago. We moved from California almost 2 years ago when my husband was offered a job he couldn’t turn down.

We have been in the lifestyle for the past 10 years and one of the hardest things about this move was leaving our friends. As you know, lifestyle friends are very special and we couldn’t wrap our minds around having to say good bye.

One of the first things we did after getting settled into our new home was to try to discover if swinging was popular in our area. Although we did see quite a few listings for swing clubs, we were nervous to take this route. My husband was new to the company and the last thing he wanted, was to run into someone he worked with.

We did take a chance online to try to meet others for an evening of play but that was not working out so well. After a few months we were getting antsy and very much wanted to play!

I had heard about your jewelry when we were still living in California and decided to order a few pieces for us to try. I purchased a necklace for my husband and a bracelet for myself and waited for them to arrive. I wasn’t really sure that anyone in Hong Kong would actually know what it meant but figured it couldn’t hurt!

I wear my bracelet most of the time but my husband prefers to wear his only when we go out socially. We went for dinner at a trendy restaurant one evening and when we were walking to our table, a woman grabbed my arm as we passed by. I looked down and she was holding a purse with your pendant on it! I was shocked! I never thought it would be this easy! They were with another couple and said they would stop at our table before they left.

Although this particular couple is not our style to play with, they are nice people who have helped us to navigate the lifestyle! They gave us all the information that we needed to meet other swingers and told us which clubs were the best in the area.

This was a few weeks ago and we have been invited to a party (through this couple) that we will attend this weekend. We just wanted to let you know that people in Hong Kong know the jewelry and it is pretty popular here!

Thank you! You really helped us!

Hugs and kisses,

Lidia and Sam

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Swinging can sometimes be a beautiful expression of love.

Swinging couple in bed wearing Partners ID jewelry

 

 

Swinging can sometimes be a beautiful expression of love.  I have no doubt that when some people see this title and they are not in the lifestyle, it will conjure up an image of a 1960s love fest; something reminiscent of Woodstock.  This really could not be farther from my point.

I met a couple last night while at a swing club and speaking with them really opened my eyes to how love can play a part in swinging.  This couple met when they were kids and were married before they even graduated from high school.  They entered the lifestyle as a mutual decision because neither had ever had sex with anyone else and as a couple they were honest enough to express their curiosity.  

I don’t believe that most people can be this honest with their spouse.  If couples were able to have this level of honest communication, there would be a lot less infidelity and a lot more swingers!

This couple is adorable to listen to.  The woman told us that prior to the lifestyle, she had not realized that her husband was not only a good lover but he was well endowed!  She had nothing to compare him with prior to her first experience as a swinger.  He echoed a similar sentiment and it made me realize how swinging has really helped to elevate their relationship to a whole new level. 

This is an aspect of swinging that is lost to the vanilla world.  Without having these experiences, they cannot relate to the degree of honesty and trust that is needed to do this.  To have an honest conversation with your spouse about having a desire to have sex with someone else is not easy.  We all already know this, as we see time and time again on all of the forums, where newcomers are asking how to bring up the subject to their significant other.   Most people would be highly insulted and hurt to hear their partner admit that they would like to try having sex with someone else.  The initial reaction is to think something is wrong with you and that is why your partner is seeking something else.  The truth is, if your partner didn’t love and respect you, they would do what most people who are not in the lifestyle do, they would simply do it behind your back.  When your partner wants to include you in this, it is only because they love and respect you.  When done correctly, the lifestyle can bring couples closer than ever.   

Love and sex are both wonderful and when the two are not mutually exclusive, anything is possible.

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You know you’re a swinger when…

Open-minded couples in bathrobes wearing Partners ID jewelry
Swingers in bathrobes wearing Partners ID jewelry

So you are in the lifestyle and have gotten your feet wet in the world of swinging.  It does not matter what “type” of swinger you are:  full swap, soft swap, etc., what matters is that now you are one of us!   It comes about slowly, but all of the sudden you have that aha moment when you realize you are truly part of the lifestyle.  This list points out things that are common among people who swing and if two or more apply to you, you are a swinger!

You know you’re a swinger when:

The names in your phone are couples with first names only (or they all have the same last name, which is the name of your swing club).

Your kids are coming to town and you have already forewarned them that you have important plans Saturday night that cannot be broken.  You have also scoured their rooms to make sure their sheets are clean and there are no condoms or toys in the drawers from your last sleep over guests.

You dress in your car and think nothing of the trucks passing by when you are buck naked on the highway.

You get dressed at home and wear a trench coat in the middle of summer to get out of the house.

You have a “secret” closet for your slut wear and hooker shoes.

When someone asks to see a picture that’s on your phone you hold the phone to show them.  You panic that they might scroll through some of the photos.

You have at least one screen name with some sexual  or provocative word in it.

There are nude photos of you somewhere.

You have lied to many friends about your where abouts on the weekend.

You have declined important vanilla social engagements to attend a swinger event.

You are married but have condoms in your house.

You have sex toys and lingerie and share both with your lifestyle friends.

You have told women you love their breasts and asked if you can feel them.

You see a couple and ask your partner if you have ever played with them.  (You can’t remember everyone!)

When you see an attractive couple, you point them out to your partner, even in vanilla settings.

You talk about the size of your partner’s penis, then your friends want to see it for themselves.

You would happily show your tattoos and piercings; even your clit ring.

When someone is talking about a Prince Albert you know it’s not a person.

You have to remember to pack a bathing suit when going to the beach with vanilla friends.

You tell your friends that you can’t see them this weekend because you have your period.

When you invite your lifestyle friends to your house, they are not interested in eating…

You have had sleepovers with your friends.

You share a stall with your friends in the restroom.

You have to make a conscious effort not to discuss sex with your vanilla friends.

You have to remind yourself that you cannot just strip off your clothing and jump into a pool at a vanilla party.

You have discussed another man’s penis with your husband.

Your husband has told you that another woman is good in bed.

You’ve had some sexual contact with your best (lifestyle) friends.

You have to remember to keep your clothing on when on a vanilla vacation.

Did you shake your head in agreement more than twice?  Chances are you agreed to many of these.  If you did, congratulations!  You’re a swinger!

Be sure to check out our lifestyle jewelry!  We’ve recently added some new and exciting pieces!  https://www.swingersjewelry.net/jewelry-for-swingers/

 

 

 

 

 

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Aloha from friends who live in Hawaii! How’s the lifestyle in Hawaii?

 

Woman from Hawaii wearing Partners ID black choker
Hawaiin woman wearing Partners ID black choker

 

Welina Partners ID,

Aloha from friends who live in Hawaii!

For the first years we were in the lifestyle, we sought out vacationers from the mainland through sites like SLS and SDC but it was always complicated.

We found it frustrating that we had to hide who we were from everyone we knew.  We would read articles from your site and others about clubs and friendships that had enriched so many swinger’s lives.  

Although most people tend to imagine that Hawaii is full of people who are free thinking and sexually open, but that is a thing of the past.  Religion has taken a more important role here in Hawaii over the past 2 centuries and sex is no longer something most islanders approve of if it is not between a married couple.

After reading some of the stories on your website, we finally decided to buy jewelry.  (I attached a photo of the necklace I bought from you): https://www.swingersjewelry.net/product/black-velvet-choker-necklace-with-lifestyle-pendant/  not only to find other swingers but it made us each feel authentic.  We wore our jewelry like a symbol of pride.  We enjoyed knowing that here we were identifying ourselves to everyone yet nobody knew that the symbol has any meaning.  At times it made me giggle!  Often when I wear the jewelry to work (I work in a store that sells ladies clothing), women will ask if we sell the jewelry!  The owner even asked about stocking some in the store!  How funny is that?!  

When my husband and I finally get the same day off we like to go snorkeling.  We try to go early and have the rest of the day on the beach.  We were relaxing at the beach and this nice looking couple sets up right next to us with their beach gear.  They were very friendly and the man then asked about the lifestyle in Oahu (where we live).  I look at my husband and the man quickly pointed at his wife’s ankle bracelet.  I started to laugh because I forget that I’m wearing my necklace!  This happened a few months ago and was the best thing that ever happened to us!  We became very good friends (wink wink) and they had other friends that also are in the lifestyle.  They also introduced us to a group that has a small club so we have been so happy!  

Your jewelry is a good luck charm for us!  This is the happiest we have been since we moved back here 5 years ago!   You will see my order because I am ordering for our group!  They are very excited about it and so are we!

Mahalo nui loa,

Aloha mai e

Kailana & Bane

Oahu, Hawaii

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Vanilla couples; are they secretly wishing to explore the lifestyle?

Vanilla couple trying on Partners ID jewelry
Vanilla couple trying on Partners ID jewelry
 What separates vanilla folks from those in the lifestyle?  (For those who do not know the term, someone who is vanilla, is someone who is not in the lifestyle.) Is it that they are having such mind blowing sex with their spouse or significant other that they never even think about being with someone else? That seems highly unlikely.  It seems impossible to believe that every adult does not at some time fantasize about having sex with someone else. It is normal and it is human.  It does not mean that they will act on it, it strictly means they have thought about what it would be like.
Sex is a big part of adult life and although some people like to disagree, all we need to do is to consider the billion dollar porn industry.  If nobody is that interested in sex, who on earth is watching all of that porn?  How many marriages fall apart because one person wants sex and the other has lost interest?  One person has a choice at that point:  cheat or leave.
One thing that I really appreciate about swingers is that they are honest about sex.  They like sex, they want sex and they think it is normal to talk about sex.  They have learned to make the difference between sex and love.   They have learned how to channel their desire for sex and their desire for excitement, while staying in their committed relationship.  It’s a win – win.
We talk about the fact that swing clubs are trending and based on the number of vanilla couples visiting swing clubs, they are trending for sure.  What about the couples who have not explored the lifestyle?  What makes some couples take the plunge and others not?
Having been in the lifestyle for over ten years, we are at the point where most of our weekends are spent either at private parties or swing clubs.  We did have an obligatory dinner this past weekend with some vanilla friends and it was very interesting.  I noticed that after a few drinks there was a lot of flirting between the couples.  At one point (we were at someone’s home) a song came on and two of the women got up and danced together.  They were not provocative, but the men ran for their phones and were cheering them on.  My husband and I just sat and watched.  Obviously for us, this is nothing new, except that there was no touching and they were wearing clothing.  It occurred to me throughout the night that our vanilla friends had some sexual tension between them, but they kept it in check.  There is no way that they are acting on it but I couldn’t help but wonder if they don’t think about it at night when they go their separate ways.  They know we are in the lifestyle but never ask us about it so we do not offer any information.
Is it possible for some couples to be satisfied with these type of interactions and never consider acting on them?  I realize it must be, as most people are not swingers and would never consider this lifestyle.  Are these the type of couples that go on to have affairs?  Do they spend their lives secretly wishing they could be with someone else?  Perhaps for them it is too risky.
Perhaps this is what lifestyle couples have in common; they are risk takers.  There are always going to be exceptions to every rule, but in this case, it seems very possible that this is a common trait amongst many swingers.  Think about the people you know in the lifestyle.  Most of them are a little bit more daring than others you know.  When I consider the jobs swingers have, although they obviously cover a huge spectrum, there are some similarities.  We have met many doctors, lawyers, stock brokers, ex cops, veterans, firefighters, paramedics, etc.  What do all of their jobs have in common?  They are risky; they can never predict the outcome of what they do.  They are not like accountants or engineers or architects where things are mapped out so there is never room for a questionable outcome.  Interestingly enough, we rarely encounter accountants, architects or engineers in the lifestyle.
If couples are afraid of risk, the lifestyle is the last place you will find them.  Everyone who swings realizes that when you enter the lifestyle you lose a little control over your relationship.  You have to have a tremendous amount of faith in both yourself and your partner to be able to partake.  Imagine the man who thinks he wants to play with other women only until he sees his wife enjoy having sex with another man.  He took a risk.  He came into the lifestyle and allowed his wife to play with someone else.  For some people, they have enough confidence to believe their wife (or husband) will enjoy the moment and want only to be back with them.  Others will not have that confidence, so the risk is too high.  It is the same for women; sure my husband seems satisfied with  me now, but he might meet a prettier, slimmer woman with a better body.  What if she’s better in bed than I am?  How will things ever be the same with my husband again?  When you think about it this way, swinging can seem like a risk many couples would rather not take.
It is easy to understand vanilla couples acting as though they are perfectly happy with their marriage just as it is, and wanting us to imagine that their sex lives are perfect.  If they were to open up and say they are curious, or have thought about having sex with someone else, they might get invited into the lifestyle and they are not ready for that risk.  It would seem impossible to believe that if vanilla couples were truly honest with themselves that they could say they have never thought about having sex with someone else.  I guess the difference between couples who take the lifestyle plunge and those who don’t, is that swingers are more open and honest with their partners.  It can be very risky to even ask your partner if they will try the lifestyle, but for those of us who did, the rewards have been huge.
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The down and the dirty; what turns people off when swinging?

Swinging woman in bed wearing Partners ID jewelry
Annoyed woman in bed wearing Partners ID jewelry

In a perfect world, swingers and swinging would be perfect.  We all know from experience, that nothing is perfect.  We all wish we could simply educate people as to what not to do in the lifestyle, but that would be rude.  So instead, simply send this blog out in a mass email and hope for the best!

So what are people doing that we find so annoying?  Let’s start with a list:

  1. Body odor (any kind, doesn’t matter where or why)
  2. Bad breath (probably could be included under number 1 but want to make sure people see this)
  3. Poor hygiene
  4. Talking during sex.  (We will explain later)
  5. Cheering from the stands (obviously only when you’re swinging in a club or group setting)
  6. Someone telling you what to do and how to do it
  7. When someone tries to do something unconventional without asking
  8. Having someone tell you how much you like what they are doing to you
  9. When someone asks: “Did you cum yet?”
  10. Telling couples that you are so shy and new but the reality is exactly the opposite.  
  11.   Attention seekers.
  12.   Snobs
  13.   People who impose their fantasies on other people.
  14.   Calling others over to join in while you are playing.

Let’s start with the body odor.  This is pretty self explanatory.  Nobody wants to play with someone who smells.  Not hair, underarms, genitals or any place else.  It’s just gross.  For everyone’s sake, please make sure to shower and wear clean clothing when you go out to swing.  Put on deodorant and heck, wear some cologne or perfume, it can’t hurt!  Body odor is a deal breaker for most couples in the lifestyle.  

Bad breath is a common problem but pretty easy to solve.  Take your pick:  breath mints, breath strips, chewing gum, mouth wash, or mouth spray.  We are not picky, just make sure to use it as often as you need it!  We are always confused when one person has very bad breath and their significant other doesn’t tell them.  We are alway trying to figure out if the significant other has become immune to the smell; why else wouldn’t they alert their partner?

It’s hard to believe that poor hygiene is actually a problem that some swingers encounter, but it is.  It would seem that when people are headed out to meet others for sex, good hygiene would be a priority.  Sadly, this is not always the case. I am sure that these people have a tough time finding others to play with.  

Talking during sex can be a real turn off for some people.  To be in the moment with your partner requires a certain amount of concentration.  No matter how funny that joke is, it can wait.  It’s a huge turn off when someone interrupts your kissing to tell you something.  If the building’s not on fire, whatever you have to say can wait. 

Cheering from the stands is high on many people’s list of things they hate.  We don’t need your comments or applause when we are playing.  If you enjoy watching, fine, do it, but please don’t give us your two cents.  Don’t cheer us on to cum or for him to keep going.  It’s a mood killer and it seems nobody wants to hear it.

While many of us can appreciate that some people have a very specific way of playing, giving too many instructions to your partner can be annoying.  Do this, push harder, go deeper, turn right, turn left etc. is not a huge turn on for most people.   If we need an instruction manual to play with you, we’d rather just not play with you at all.  

Not everyone is open to everything and this can sometimes be a problem  If you are thinking double penetration or anything anal related, it’s probably a good thing to ask your partner first.  The same goes for men touching men.  Better to be upfront about what you are hoping for then to surprise a couple when they are in a compromising position.  The same goes for playing bareback.  If you and your partner prefer to play without condoms, don’t assume that everyone shares your views.  This is something that should be discussed ahead of time.  If a man hands you a condom when you are playing with his wife, he expects you to put it on.  Don’t try to simply “slip it in” to see if you can get away without one.  Also, please don’t tell us your too big and no condom will fit.

We all know when we are enjoying ourselves and when something feels good to us.  Unless you are the type who lies there staring at the ceiling, you probably do something to let your partner know you are enjoying what they are doing.  The last thing anyone needs to hear from the person they are playing with is, “That feels so good for you, right?”  “You like that.”  Especially when it is said over and over.  That can be extremely irritating.

This is somewhat related to the above problem.  It’s natural to make some type of noise when you orgasm.  This usually allows your partner to know when it happens.  There have been men who have made me scream and not long after will turn to me and ask me if I came.  Seriously?  You didn’t know?  Are they asking just to hear you say yes?  I am never sure.  

This seems to be a growing trend:  meeting a couple and the woman tells you that they are very new to the lifestyle.  She says she has never played, she is very shy and unsure about the whole thing.  Maybe everyone can take it slow and she can just play touchy feely with the other woman.  No sooner is everyone naked and she’s grinding away with your partner.  To top things off, she tells the group her fantasy has always been double penetration.  WHOA!! What?!  You are left with your mouth open while she screws your guy and hers and you are left to watch.  What just happened?  Sometimes the man she is with is just as shocked and he is so busy watching her that he can’t even get an erection!  While we have no objection to anyone that wants to play, why not be honest from the get go?

Attention seekers are annoying to everyone.  They are the loudest and most annoying people in the lifestyle.  When everyone else is lying down, they are standing on the mattress, when people are sitting down, they are dancing.  You know who they are and nobody wants to be with them.  They are always screaming with pleasure and most people would like to put a pillow over their mouth.

Snobs are always low on the totem pole.  Nobody likes to associate with someone who is too good for them.  They walk around acting like everyone is lucky to be in their presence.  They are generally not very successful with swingers.

Everyone has a fantasy but that does not mean we all share the same ones.  If your fantasy is something that others might not be ok with, better to play them out at home.  Golden showers and other bodily oddities don’t fly with everyone.  Nobody likes to find themselves with a partner who is asking something outrageous of them.  If your fantasy is something out of the ordinary it might be a good idea to ask people before hand.  Their facial expression should be a good indication as to whether they are ok with this.

When you are playing with another person or couple, they can sometimes get caught up in the moment and decide to share their good time with others who are around.  That might be fine but it is always best to ask the people you are playing with before you do this.  Randomly inviting others to join in is not always appreciated.  Many people like to know the people they play with or have certain standards by which they choose others to play with.  When a couple simply waves another couple (or single man) over to join in, this can make people unhappy and uncomfortable.  

Swinging can be a lot of fun but sometimes people do things to ruin the experience.  These are just some of the problems people encounter that can be a real turn off.  If you swing and have discovered that you rarely get a second chance to play with the same couples, you might want to take a look at some of the reasons people might try to avoid playing with you.   Most of the pet peeves that irritate people are easy to fix.  

 

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The pitfalls of relying on social media to meet other swingers.

Couple text messaging wearing Partners ID jewelry
Couple text messaging wearing Partners ID jewelry

Social media has become a way of life for most people. We have email, instant messaging and text at our finger tips. When we wanted to communicate in the past, we picked up a phone and called someone. Now it has become much easier and more popular to just shoot a message to someone. With this surge in use of nonverbal communication has come some problems. When we speak in person with someone, they can hear our intonations as we speak. They can hear our excitement, our anger, if we pause they can rethink what they said and try to explain on the spot, etc. When we read a message, at times, we can misinterpret what they writer is trying to convey to us.

How does this affect swingers looking for other swingers?

Simply put, when a couple is attempting to communicate with another couple and they rely on a messaging platform, things they write can be misconstrued. It becomes especially touchy when these couples have never met. Sometimes a person has a sense of humor that will come across in their messages. If you don’t know that this person is sarcastic, for example, you might misinterpret them as being arrogant. A person who is shy might come across as being disinterested. Perhaps one couple is very busy and so there can be a long delay between messages. If english is the person’s second language, their writing might be seen as a lack of intelligence or education. In any case, the couples might decide against meeting each other for reasons that are not valid.

The other problem that is rampant is many couples disregard for the truth. The number one complaint seems to be the outdated photos that many couples choose to post. Regardless of how attractive and fit you were ten years ago, that no longer represents what you look like today. If you are afraid that people will not be attracted by your current photos, this is not a reason to post old ones. After all, you will eventually meet in person and the first thing they will notice, is that you do not look like your pictures. Many people say that they do this because although people might not like their pictures, they are sure they can win them over if they meet in person. The truth is, it does not work like this. We have heard many couples talk about how when they spotted the couple they had arranged to meet and realized they did not look like their photos, they turned around and left.

The other problems with swinger profiles is lying about age and not being truthful about what you are looking for. If you do not have experience or are not totally comfortable with swapping, be honest. At some point, all of your lies will become apparent to the couples that you meet and then it is awkward for everyone. Don’t shave 10 years off of your age and then be surprised when the couple who agrees to meet you is not interested. Don’t expect another couple to “take it slow” if you have written that you are full swap and have tons of experience. Honesty goes a long way in making encounters successful and enjoyable. You will find couples to match with if you let them know who you really are.

Facetime and Skype have given us the ability to chat live and perhaps this is the best way to be sure that the couple in the pictures look the same in person. This also allows you to speak in “real time” and avoid the problems that messaging can cause. Let’s not forget that in some areas, people have to travel quite a distance to meet each other. Areas that do not have a swing club or any type of meet and greet tend to be remote. This causes them to be dependent upon messaging.

When messaging with other couples just remember how many times your chats with family and friends have been misunderstood. Not because of what you wrote necessarily, but rather the way the reader interpreted what you meant to say or how you meant to say it. Give people the benefit of the doubt and always try to connect either by video chat or on the phone. This allows you the comfort of hearing what someone is saying and how they are saying it.

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Vanilla friends vs. lifestyle friends; who is more fun?

Woman wearing Partners ID bracelet bored by vanilla conversation
Bored woman wearing Partners ID bracelet

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I love our vanilla friends, really, I do, but a night with them can be very long!

Vanilla friends are great.  We have had some vanilla friends for many years and although they might suspect we are in the lifestyle (or something, they’re not sure exactly what we are up to), we have never spoken about it with them.

We try to go out from time to time with our vanilla friends as we hold them dear and do not want to lose their friendship.  However, as much as I like them, spending too much time with them can be a drag.  The conversations can sometimes seem so pointless and boring that I stop paying attention and my mind wanders.  I find myself wondering if they still have sex, if they still enjoy it, if she dresses up for him, etc.  

Finally, at one point during the evening, one of the men tells a joke.  The joke is:  ‘How does a man know if he needs to take Viagra?’  The answer: ‘Just put him in a room with a hot, naked, younger woman and he will know right away.’

As soon as he finished telling the joke, he apologized and explained that it is really just meant for men to hear.  (You can imagine my expression.)  I told him that I disagreed with both the joke and the notion that women shouldn’t hear it.  My husband was cringing and poking my leg, trying to subtly remind me that we were with vanilla folk.  I explained that the joke could be used for women as well.  Put a young, hot naked guy in a room with a middle aged woman and see if she gets turned on.  The first comment from vanilla man:  Women don’t have to get an erection to have sex so it doesn’t make sense.  I pointed out that women have to get wet and he quickly told me that this is what lube is for.  I started to explain that it might surprise him that women can get wet when turned on but realized better to avoid this conversation altogether.  

The other part of this joke that I disagreed with was the notion that you put a married, middle aged man (who may or may not need Viagra) with a young, naked woman and he will instantly get an erection.  As most of us have seen in the lifestyle, it rarely works like that.  Nothing seems to kill an erection like a situation such as this.  When men feel the pressure to perform, this is when he most likely will need that Viagra.  Most men who are new to swinging will tell you they never missed an erection until they found themselves in this situation.  I did not share this information with the group.

That was the only time anything interesting was spoken about.  I am not a complete pervert and do not need to talk about sex to find a conversation interesting, but here are a few of the other topics we touched on that evening:  What time we go to bed and wake up, the moon, our children, fabrics for sofas, driving too fast, cars, how iguanas are now visible around our neighborhood, etc.  There were times when I thought the conversation might become more titillating, but it never took that direction.

Some of these couples spend several nights each week together and I wondered what on earth they talk about.   I wanted to try to provoke them by bringing up a spicier topic but was afraid it was the alcohol and chose to keep quiet.   I do remember one time in the past asking them if their children ever spoke with them about sex.  It was like a tennis match where everyone’s head turned in unison to look at me.  Not really, they all agreed.  They didn’t even ask if mine do…

Although I do like my vanilla friends, they are nice people and I enjoy seeing them from time to time, I much prefer my lifestyle friends.  Our conversations are never dull and I never feel like I have to filter what I want to say.  We talk about everything and anything.  We share hilarious stories about the lifestyle and swinging, we compare notes about toys, we try on each others slut wear and shoes and we share our husbands.  We went to a restaurant with lifestyle friends recently and we switched husbands for the evening.  I was her husband’s date and my friend was my husband’s date.  It was silly but fun.  

We have conversations about double penetration, gang bangs, girl on girl sex, mishaps with condoms, bi sexual men, the nude beach, etc.  There is nothing boring about these topics.  Sure, we talk about our kids and business, but it is not limited to topics such as those.

This is one of many perks of being apart of the lifestyle.  There are no taboo topics, nobody is embarrassed by sexual conversations and gatherings are never boring.  I can remember not long ago, a friend of ours was telling a story about a party he went to and thought he got his dick stuck in a girls ass.  I can’t remember the last time I laughed so hard.

Life is too short to be uptight.  Let your hair down and do what makes you happy.  It’s ok to be silly and sexy, after all, you’re not hurting anyone.  I am not saying that my vanilla friends aren’t happy, they seem to be, but I truly believe that the freedom lifestyle couples discover, leads to increased happiness.  Try it!

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In search of the missing condom… How can one little condom cause so many problems?

Shocked woman wearing Partners ID jewelry spotting a condom in her husband's hair
Shocked woman wearing PartnersID jewelry

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

There are some things that only swingers can relate to. There are situations that we find ourselves in that vanilla people simply cannot imagine.

We recently returned from a trip where we spent a few days partying with a group of lifestyle friends. The days were spent on a secluded beach and the nights were spent running between the jacuzzi and the den of a rented townhome. We drank a lot and had a lot of sex.

Upon my return home, my phone reminded me of my yearly gynecology exam the following morning. Everything was pretty routine until he did the internal part of the exam.

He stands up from his seat on a stool, pushes his glasses up on top of his head and looks me in the eye. “I think somebody lost something,” he said and with that holds up the forceps from which a used condom is dangling…

He knows I am married and had asked about my husband not 2 minutes before discovering the condom. To say I was mortified is a small understatement. I did not (could not) explain.

We had a house party recently and we are always very thorough in our clean up to be sure that there is nothing left behind. ( A rule I might want to consider after traveling with lifestyle friends!) We limit our guests to the family room and kitchen so that we don’t have to concern ourselves with the entire house. We checked under the couches and the couch cushions, under the coffee table and wall unit, emptied the garbage, scrubbed the bathroom, you name it. The following evening we had our children over for dinner. While we are eating my son touched something under the table and lifted the table cloth to see what was on the floor. Sitting on the table pedestal was a pair of men’s shoes. I don’t know how we missed them but we did. He picks them up off the floor and looks at my husband. Clearly, they don’t look like the style of shoes my husband wears and the size is much larger than what he wears. Yes, I know what you’re thinking because I was thinking exactly the same thing. How does someone leave a party without their shoes? It hardly mattered at that moment because we both stared at the shoes trying to think of something to say. I had nothing, I was actually laughing to myself about how ludicrous the situation was. My husband made up some lame story about borrowing the shoes but the more he rambled on the more ridiculous the story sounded. I glanced at my children out of the corner of my eyes and could see they were not buying one word. I really can’t imagine what they were thinking.

My husband brought his car in for service recently and when he went to pick up the car they handed him a large envelope and said they had found some personal items on the floor of the car and wanted to make sure they were returned to him. He thanked them and opened the envelope while waiting for them to bring the car around. Inside were 4 pairs of crotchless panties. When he looked up from the envelope the service representative was standing there with the car keys. “I see you got your items back,” he said with a grin on his face. My husband was mortified. He imagined everyone was watching him from inside the showroom as he got into his car. He said he was sure they thought he was having sex with hookers in his car when in reality he often puts my underwear into my boots when we play at the club. I remove my boots when I get into the car often forgetting about the underwear and they get lost under the seat.

We had plans to meet some lifestyle friends for an evening of fun and I was texting my friend’s husband to remind him to bring condoms as we had forgotten to pick some up when we were out. He sent me a sexually charged text and I shot one back to him telling what I was planning to do to him that evening. I didn’t hear back from him and figured he was busy. After playing with them that evening I asked him if I did everything I promised I would do to him. He looked at me with a funny expression and asked what I was talking about. I reminded him of the text I had sent that afternoon following his text to me. He grabbed his phone and scrolled down to look for my text. He was shaking his head no, that he had never received a followup text from me. That was not a very good feeling… I felt a little nauseous as I tried to imagine who might have been the recipient of that text message. I fumbled to find my phone dreading the thought of whose name I was going to find. Well, the good news is that it was not any of our children or relatives. The bad news is that it was not another lifestyle friend. It was an old employee of mine and needless to say there is nothing I can say or do about the text. It is an older woman and quite frankly I can’t begin to imagine what she was thinking when she received it! My only hope is that I never run into her!

As one can never hear too many condom stories, after leaving the club recently in the wee hours of the morning, some friends realized that they had stayed out much later than they had planned. They had a babysitter waiting for them at home so they dressed quickly and raced out of the club. When they pulled up to the house, my friend was grabbing some things from the back seat of the car while her husband went inside to get the babysitter. As my friend walked into the house she saw her husband walking in front of the sitter as they were getting ready to leave so he could drive her home. That’s when she spotted it. There was an open condom wrapper stuck to the back of his hair. The shiny psychedelic wrapper was glittering under the foyer light, impossible to miss. She looked over at the babysitter who was staring at it with a look of horror on her face. “What on earth was I supposed to say?” my friend asked in utter distress. Needless to say, although they really like this babysitter, neither of them are willing to face her so they have no babysitter for now.

These are just a small sample of horrifying events that happen to swingers. As I have said before, swingers can find themselves in some pretty hilarious situations, learning to think fast helps!

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