The pitfalls of relying on social media to meet other swingers.

Couple text messaging wearing Partners ID jewelry

Social media has become a way of life for most people. We have email, instant messaging, apps, and text messaging at our fingertips. When we wanted to communicate in the past, we picked up a phone and called someone. Now it has become much easier and more popular to just shoot a message to someone.

With this surge in the use of nonverbal communication, has come some problems. When we speak in person, others can hear our intonations as we speak. They can hear our excitement, our anger, and if we pause, they can rethink what they said and try to explain on the spot.  When we read a message, at times, we misinterpret what the writer is trying to convey to us.

How does this affect swingers looking for other swingers?

Simply put, when a couple is attempting to communicate with another couple and they rely on a messaging platform, things they write can be misconstrued. It becomes especially touchy when these couples have never met. Sometimes a person has a sense of humor that they try to convey in their messages. If you don’t know that this person is sarcastic, for example, you might misinterpret them as being arrogant. A person who is shy might come across as being disinterested. Perhaps one couple is very busy and so there can be a long delay between messages. If English is the person’s second language, their writing might be seen as a lack of intelligence or education. In any case, the couples might decide against meeting each other for reasons that are not valid.

The other problem that is rampant, is many couple’s disregard for the truth. The number one complaint seems to be the outdated photos that many couples choose to post. Regardless of how attractive and fit you were ten years ago, that no longer represents what you look like today.

If you are afraid that people will not be attracted by your current photos, this is not a reason to post old ones. After all, you will eventually meet in person and the first thing they will notice is that you do not look like your pictures. Many people say that they do this because although they might not like their pictures, they are sure they can win over another couple if they meet in person. The truth is, it does not work like this. We have heard many couples talk about how when they spotted the couple they had arranged to meet and realized they did not look like their photos, they turned around and left.

Some other problems with swinger profiles are lying about age and not being truthful about what you are looking for. If you do not have experience or are not totally comfortable with swapping, be honest. At some point, all of your lies will become apparent to the couples that you meet.  This makes it awkward for everyone. Don’t shave 10 years off of your age and then be surprised when the couple who agrees to meet you is not interested. Don’t expect another couple to “take it slow” if you have written that you are full swap and have tons of experience. Honesty goes a long way in making encounters successful and enjoyable. You will find couples to match with if you let them know who you really are.

Face-time and Skype have given us the ability to chat live.  Perhaps this is the best way to be sure that the couple in the pictures look the same in person. This also allows you to speak in “real-time” and avoid the problems that messaging can cause. Let’s not forget that in some areas, people have to travel quite a distance to meet each other. Remote areas that do not have a swing club or any other lifestyle events tend to be more reliant on technology.  This causes them to be dependent upon messaging.

When messaging with other couples just remember how many times your chats with family and friends have been misunderstood. Not because of what you wrote necessarily, but rather the way the reader interpreted what you meant to say or how you meant to say it. Give people the benefit of the doubt and always try to connect either by video chat or on the phone. This allows you the comfort of hearing what someone is saying and how they are saying it.

One of the other problems facing those who are dependent upon technology is having to a total stranger.  As many swingers will attest, they often “meet” people online who either drag out the process of an in-person meet or don’t show up to arranged meetings. That leaves the couple wondering what went wrong.  There are many people who seem to get off solely from the correspondence of another couple.  They pretend to be interested strictly for the thrill.  There was never any intent to meet.

One of the best pieces of advice for couples who find themselves struggling with flakes and no shows is to insist on meeting early on.  Don’t prolong the process of getting to know someone over texts or emails.  After one or two emails or phone calls, set up a day and a time to meet.  This will prevent you from wasting time with people who have no real interest in actually meeting in person.

When a person or couple finally agrees to meet, the smartest place to meet is a coffee shop.  There is no time or money commitment here and most people agree that within the first five minutes they know if they have any interest.   Wasting an entire evening meeting someone for dinner can be a disaster if you don’t like them.

Don’t forget to use common sense.  If something feels wrong or you get a bad feeling, back up.  Not everyone is honest or has good intentions.  Just like in regular dating, pay attention to what your gut tells you.

Most importantly, have fun.  Swinging is supposed to be fun.  This is not a job, but a lifestyle!  For most people, the time and energy put into finding other couples eventually pays off.

Have you tried wearing our lifestyle jewelry?  Many swingers have found each other simply by spotting others with our jewelry.  Check it out here:  www.swingerjewelry.net/jewelry-for-swingers/

Rejection in the lifestyle; what’s the best way to say thanks but no thanks?


Couple wearing Partners ID lifestyle jewelry

Rejection is never pretty. 

Regardless of how we dress it up, rejection is still ugly.  It is hurtful and often feels personal.  

For everyone in the lifestyle, this is something we must face at some point,  either as the rejector or the rejectee.  First of all, this is normal.  Everyone will not like everyone else, but figuring out how to let them know is never easy.

Swinging is a lot like dating.  

At times we have an attraction to someone and that attraction is not returned.  We want someone to like us but they do not.  When we are talking about dating, it is fairly straightforward.  One person must like one person.  In swinging, this is much more complicated.

Every couple in the lifestyle will agree that couples finding couples is much more difficult.   

Swingers often take to dating sites like SDC, Kasidie,  Airtight, SLS, Quiver, etc., to find other swingers.  They scan their pictures and read profiles in the hopes of finding like minded and attractive couples to meet.  

The process on swinger dating sites generally involves one couple picking out another and sending them an email expressing interest.  The receiver of the email will open the profile of the sender and begin with their photos.  If there is any spark of interest, they will read the profile.  

If the receiver of the email likes what they see, chances are they will respond to your email.  

What happens if the couple opens the email and has no interest?  

Many times they will simply delete the email and forget about it.  Obviously you will realize they are not interested right?

This way of handling an email of no interest is called “ghosting”.   Some couples feel this is the easiest way to convey there is no interest.  Other couples feel you owe some type of response to the people who sent the email. 

How do you reject someone without hurting their feelings?

Is it possible to turn someone down without hurting their feelings?  It seems that whatever you say will cause some pain.  Often times couples say they simply reply:  “We are not a match.”  Surely the couple reading that email will take it personally, especially if their profiles seemed to align.   This truly is the kindest possible response.  No need to explain why, just a simple reply to let them know.

Sometimes couples feel compelled to be honest

Honesty is the best policy, right?  Here I have to disagree.  There is no need to explain that one of you is not attracted to the sender.  No need to comment on their age, weight or other physical characteristic.  There is never a reason to be cruel or hurtful.

If you specified in your profile that you are looking for something specific that does not match the sender, then it is ok to point that out.   Although you have a good reason to reject them, there are ways to say things without being mean.

What if you are not interested in a couple you meet in person?

Rejecting couples in an email is not that hard.  What happens when you are face to face with a couple and you have no interest?  If this is a couple that approaches you in a club, it is easy to walk away.  You make an excuse about going to the restroom or to dance.  When you do not return, that should be easy for them to understand.  If they seek you out upon your return, letting them know that you would like to walk around and talk to other couples will hopefully be enough.  

If a couple is trying to join you while in a play area, usually simply not responding to their advances is enough to let them know.  For the bolder couple who does not seem to pick up on non verbal cues, saying no thank you should send them on their way.  

It becomes more complicated when you have agreed to meet in person after exchanging text messages or emails.  It is probably a good idea to make your first meeting for a quick cup of coffee.  If there is interest, you can always move to sharing a meal.  

When your date with another couple is over a meal, this can be more complicated.  You and your partner should think about this beforehand and come up with a plan.  A simple gesture that you agree upon will let each other know how you are feeling.  If one of you wants out, the gesture will let your partner know.  The plan should include a way to graciously end the date as soon as possible.  This can be followed up with an email explaining that although you thought they were very nice, the chemistry was not there.  

What about the couples who simply won’t take no for an answer?

Rejection is always hard because you know you are hurting someone.  If the other couple is gracious, this makes it easy.  When the other couple simply won’t take no for an answer, it can lead to a much uglier situation.  

We have found ourselves in situations where a simple no thank you has turned sour.  In a case like this it is important to remember that it is not your problem, but theirs.  While we chose to take the high road and be kind, there are couples who somehow feel entitled to your time and attention.  Whether this occurs online or in person it can be frustrating.  Blocking the couple online is a no brainer. 

 In person, it becomes a bit more difficult.  Avoiding them seems to be the only way around a future problem.  If they hang out in the same club as you, chances are you are not alone in your dealings with them.  Eventually these couples are isolated because of their behavior.  

Bottom line?

Without a doubt, at some point in time you will have to reject couples and couples will reject you.  Although you may be tempted, do not take it personally, simply move on.  

Valentine’s Day is only a few weeks away! Check out our lifestyle jewelry here:  https://www.swingersjewelry.net/jewelry-for-swingers/

Swinger dating sites; how to navigate them for a positive experience plus a list of sites

 

 

 

Group of friends meeting from a swinger dating site
Group of friends meeting from a swinger dating site

The internet has become our ‘go to’ for information on just about everything. We check our email, the weather, the news, we check online reviews, etc. You can pretty much find anything you want online, so it stands to reason that people turn to it whenever they need information. It also makes sense that when you want to get involved in something new, you go to the internet to begin your research.

Just as there are online dating sites for singles, there are also dating sites for couples. Swinger dating sites are not to be confused with sites like Ashley Madison. Swinger dating sites are designed for committed couples to look for other people to play with, together. Ashley Madison, on the other hand, promotes dating for people who are married but looking to have an affair.

Most couples new to swinging soon find these sites and eagerly sign up to get the ball rolling. They open a profile for the themselves, post the pictures, fill our the questionnaires and post it. Many will then start to look around at other people’s profiles to get some idea of who else is out there looking to swing. It can be very exciting when you are new to see the sexy photos and read what other couples have to say. Some newcomers are brave enough to contact others right off the bat. Most newbies will wait to see if someone contacts them first. Either way works, there is no right or wrong.

The first time the new couple gets an email they are bound to be very excited to open it up and see who is interested in them. Hopefully they are not too disappointed because chances are, the first few will come from single men, trolling the sites and sending out their signature dick pictures. Some couples might be looking for MFM and will be encouraged to see some responses from males. The problem can be trying to decipher which ones are really worth your time.

As you become more familiar with swinger dating sites you will realize that some of the features were put in place to help you navigate who is worth meeting and who might not be. Most offer validations from other swingers, which allows you to read what another couple has to say about the person or couple you are looking at. Single men who have earned their place will be spoken about very highly from couples. If a single man has no validations and probably no friends, it is a good indication that he is probably not the guy you want to meet.

Then finally, you open an email and it is from another couple. They love your profile and think you are exactly what they are looking for. You exchange some sexy emails and finally decide it is time to meet them in person. This can go in a few different directions:

  1.  You try to get this couple to commit to a time and place only to discover they have a very complicated schedule. Regardless of how flexible you are, they can never seem to find the time to actually meet you in person. They are wonderful about sending regular emails but have endless reasons why they cannot meet you. When you push them to nail down a date and time, they disappear, never to be heard from again.

There are couples who simply enjoy the sexy email game but have no intention of anything more than that. They look like the            perfect couple in their profile pictures and say all the right things. Although they look clean, neat, friendly and connected to each other, who knows if any of that is even real. They are most probably turned on by the sexy chats and that is all they are looking for.

 

2.   The couple is overly eager to meet you, but not for dinner or drinks. They prefer to meet at a hotel or motel and get right down    to business. They speak about having a lot of experience in the lifestyle and not requiring any type of meet and greet to get down to business. They have seen your pictures and they are good to go.

Experience tells many swingers that the problem with this couple is that they are probably not as they appear in their photos. When you meet them at a hotel, it can be tricky to back up when you don’t like what you see.

3.   You have a couple who is very excited to meet and you set up a time and a place. When they arrive, the husband is overly eager and the wife hangs back. You get the distinct impression that she is doing this for him.

This cannot end well. If one person is swinging to please their significant other, this is a huge red flag. Playing with a couple who is not on the same page is a very bad idea. It can only result in disaster.

4.   The email chats frequently turn to dirty talk. They want to engage in email sex chats.

There is always the possibility when you are talking via computer, that the entire profile is fake. It could just be a creepy guy getting his jollies engaging in free sex chats. Best to avoid this type of email correspondence.

5.   You have great email chemistry, you seem to be on the same page regarding just about everything you discuss. The email conversations are easy and you look forward to meeting this new couple. They seem like people who could be your friends.

Always a good idea to meet them for coffee or dinner before you commit to a rendezvous. You never know until you meet people in person if they are really going to work for you. Sometimes couples seem perfect until you see them. Bad breath, dirty fingernails, disgusting table manners are all a huge turnoff. Maybe they just have no sex appeal for you. Better to discover this before you head off to play.

6.   You connected quickly and easily, like their profile and the pictures. They are anxious to meet for a drink sooner rather than later.

They sound like they have been around and understand the pitfalls of online dating. Rather than send and receive tons of emails, they would like to see if it works in person. This couple is the best choice.

Just like anything else, the longer you are active on a swinger dating site, the more experienced you will become. You will know, sometimes before you even open the email, if this person or couple has potential. You will be able to know which pictures are accurate, current and appealing to you. Profiles will contain things you know you don’t want and those that have things you do.

Stick with it, swinger dating sites can be a great tool for meeting other swingers. You just have to learn how to navigate them.

Here is a list of some of the sites that we have used personally:

https://www.kasidie.com

ASN Lifestyle

https://www.SDC.com

https://www.quiver.us

https://www.SLS.com

https://www.adultfriendfinder

https://www.swingtowns.com

http://www.mixingsexy.com

https://www.lifestylelocker.net

http://www.socialswinging.com

http://swingersuk.net

http://www.swingerzonecentral.com

https://www.fabswingers.com

https://swingular.com

https://lovevoodoo.com/

https://www.lifestylelounge.com

https://www.swingingheaven.co.uk

https://www.local-swingers.co.uk

https://www.swinger-nation.co.uk

 

Just to name a few and in no particular order.   There are many sites that claim to be swinger dating sites that may or may not be for swingers.  These are all sites that are well known in the swinger community and you should comfortable signing up for.

Join some today and start your new and exciting lifestyle adventure!  Good luck!