Ok, fine, I’m a slut, a whore and a nymphomaniac. But, you should know, I’m very satisfied!

Slutty woman in underwear wearing Partners ID belly ring
Slutty woman in underwear wearing Partners ID belly ring

Slut is a word we are all familiar with.  We heard it used a lot in high school to shame girls who had sex with too many guys.  It did not occur to me in those years that we did not have a term for the males who were doing the same thing.

I stumbled upon an article the other day which was talking about the number of sexual partners people have had over the course of their lifetime, and what it says about them.

https://onlinedoctor.superdrug.com/whats-your-number/

The article is actually quite interesting and at the same time a bit alarming. As a swinger, reading that the general population thinks that the ideal number of past sexual partners for both men and women is 7, concerns me.  Seven?! Seriously?! I know people who have sex with 7 different people in one night!

My immediate reaction to the notion that a new man in my life would want to hear that I have only slept with 7 men prior to him, was that I felt a little nauseous. I think I had slept with 7 guys before I graduated from college. What does this mean? I was (and still am) a total slut?  Probably, but lucky for me, my husband appreciates the fact that I love sex as much as he does.

I don’t think anyone would be surprised to learn that both men and women tended to change their true numbers slightly (at their own admission). Men tended to say they have had sex with more women than they actually have, while women tended to say they have had sex with less partners than they have. It is a surprise to me that in the year 2017 people are still so antiquated in their thinking. Men want to be with women who love sex, but they don’t want to be with women who have been too sexually active or who are too experienced.

Perhaps because I have been married for a long time I have lost touch with single stigmas, but come on people, this is 2017. Many people in their 50s, 60s and 70s are part of the baby boomer population. They believe in sex, drugs and rock and roll, don’t they? This generation was having sex, and a lot of it, back in the 60s and 70s. You mean to tell me they were part of this survey? I think not.

I also would have imagined that we were no longer holding women to a different standard than men. We still think men are studs when they have many conquests while women remain sluts for doing the same. We pat men on the back for their accomplishments in bed while we shake our heads in disdain at the women with whom they are doing this. Every time I think we’ve come a long way (baby) I discover that perhaps we really have not. Even the terms we are still using to describe sexually adventurous women versus men have remained unchanged in the way one degrades the woman, while the other praises the man. According to Wikipedia, the term slut is as follows:

Slut is generally a term for a woman or girl who is considered to have loose sexual morals or who is sexually promiscuous.[1][2] It is usually used as an insult, sexual slur or offensive term of disparagement (slut shaming).[2][3] It originally meant “a dirty, slovenly woman”,[2] and is rarely used to refer to men, generally requiring clarification by use of the terms male slut or man whore.

Today, the term slut has a pervasive presence in popular culture and pornography, but is almost exclusively used to describe women. An exact male equivalent of the term does not exist. The lack of a comparably popular term for men highlights the double standard in societal expectations (gender roles) between males and females, as negative terms for sexually promiscuous males are rare.[5][14]

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Slut

This is one of the reasons why swinging and the lifestyle are such wonderful outlets. Nobody is judging anyone within the lifestyle. If you love sex, good for you! Curious to try something new? This is the place! Judge free zone! Everyone is free to explore their fantasies. In all of the years that I have been in the lifestyle, I have never heard anyone put a woman down for sleeping with too many men. Even the women who like gang bangs and trains. Most people just shrug their shoulders and say whatever she’s into to, glad she’s having fun.

For swingers, the standards set by the general population do not apply. Men in the lifestyle are not really interested in women who do not want to play. People are in the lifestyle for this purpose! Sexually open women are the norm, as are the sexually adventurous women.  Men seem drawn to the women who exude sex as they are certain that it will prove to be an enjoyable experience.  As far as asking about or caring about how many sexual partners someone has had?  I’ve never heard anyone discuss this within the confines of the lifestyle. Truth is, most people would probably laugh and say, “I have no idea, I lost count!”

It fascinates me that men who are not in the lifestyle prefer women who have slept with (at most) 7 partners. They feel that more than that signifies a promiscuous woman. What the survey did not discuss was a woman’s age. What if she’s 50 and has never been married? I hope these men are open to the thought that their partner likes to masturbate. Or, open to the notion that this partner does not like sex. Either way, how do you put a number on something like this, and more importantly who are they to judge?

Women also think the magic number of previous partners for men is 7. For a man who is 25, I can see how this number is probably fair game. If the man is 40, I’m not so sure.

I think I can speak for most people in the lifestyle when I say that the number 7 made me laugh out loud when I heard it. Most real swingers who spend every weekend (and for some 1 or more nights a week) in a lifestyle venue of some sort, would probably agree that they hit that magic number often; some after a few weeks, others after a few months.

Does this make all the women in the lifestyle a bunch of sluts?  Probably to those who choose not to be in the lifestyle. What about the men? I imagine they would simply call the men in the lifestyle “lucky”. For those who are in the lifestyle, I sincerely doubt they care. They are usually both very happy in their relationship with their significant other and with their decision to swing. I suppose if any of us find ourselves single and being asked our “number,” we have two choices: lie or look for another swinger!

Speaking of looking for other swingers: that’s what our lifestyle jewelry was created for! Click here to find the perfect piece for you!     https://www.swingersjewelry.net/jewelry-for-swingers/

The lifestyle can be difficult for new swingers to navigate. Where should they start?

New swingers wearing Partners ID jewelry reading newspaper

The lifestyle can be difficult for new swingers.  Where should they start?

Swinging used to be relatively easy for new couples to navigate.   The internet was not yet born.  Those who were looking to swing had to find ads in magazines or learn by word of mouth.  Naturally, swing clubs were pretty much the only place you could go to find a group of swingers.  Meet and greets and private parties were very difficult to find.  These were not things people were advertising in magazines.  There were no real choices to be made when it came to swinging.  If you wanted to see what it was all about, you would head out to a swing club.

With the popularity of the internet, this has all changed.  It is easy to look up swinger events, clubs and venues online. This, however, does not mean it is easy to figure out how to begin your swinging career!  Every blog you read tells you something different.  Some say online dating sites are the best while others say steer clear of them.  Some writers recommend visiting a swingers resort while others say that is a terrible introduction to swinging.

On your first night it will benefit you to be content to sit back and observe.

Every swinger was at one time new to the lifestyle, or in swingers terms a “newbie”.   The first time we went to a swing club, the manager gave us a tour.  When he was finished, we were left inside to fend for ourselves.  It was the first time I had ever felt like the two of us were one person.  Although we were together, we were actually alone.

We looked around the club and it felt like everyone knew each other.  There were clearly a bunch of different cliques of people.  As we sat and watched, we wondered how we would ever meet people.  It felt like everyone seemed to belong, except for us.  After assessing the situation (and throwing back a few shots), we got up the nerve to dance.  People on the dance floor smiled at us and one couple even came over and asked us if we were new.  Is it that obvious, I wondered?  We said we were and they introduced themselves.  With that, a couple they knew walked over and they turned their attention to the other couple. Since this was our first time at a swing club, we were content to just observe the crowd and go home early.

On your second visit you will have a better idea of how the club works; this will make it more comfortable.

A few weeks later, we decided to try it again.  This time I knew how to dress and what to expect.  That made a big difference in the way we handled ourselves when we walked in.   First of all, we decided to get there early so it was not very busy when we arrived.  We went right to the bar and got our drinks.

We looked around to see if we could find the couple that had introduced themselves to us on the dance floor, but they were not there.  There was a couple sitting on a couch by themselves so we walked over and asked if we could sit.  They were very friendly and seemed happy to meet a new couple.  We were not looking so much to swing with them, as we were looking to meet people to talk to.

Soon, the couch was filled with couples they knew, and they introduced us to them.  Just like that, on our second night in this swing club we had met about ten couples.  This is a very easy way for newbies to be introduced to swingers and the lifestyle.  Most of the couples we met that night were regulars at this club.  This meant that when we decided to return for another night, chances are, at least a few of them would be there so we wouldn’t have to be alone.

A swing club allowed us the opportunity to see what it was all about while taking it at our own pace. We did not feel any pressure to do anything that was out of our comfort zone.  Nobody was counting on us to make the night a success.  The club environment allows you the freedom to arrive and leave on your own schedule (unlike private parties, where people are counting on you). When we did not feel comfortable talking to a couple we simply left to dance or excused ourselves to get another drink.  People were both friendly and respectful.

Don’t rush the process, make sure you are both ready before you take the next step.

Nothing causes a couple to fail at swinging more than when one person is pushing the other to do something that makes them uncomfortable.  It is normal to get caught up in the excitement of the lifestyle but it is important to always consider your partner’s feelings.  If you would like to continue in the lifestyle with your partner, always keep this in mind.

Eventually, you will both be ready to take it to the next step.

When we felt ready, we took it to the next step all on our own.

What about meet and greets; are they a good place for newbies to start?

Some people feel that meet and greets are full of swingers who all know each other and are not looking to meet new people.  This is where I wholeheartedly disagree. Most swingers I know actually choose to go to meet and greets purely to meet new swingers. If they were not looking to meet new people, they would simply go to a swing club where the regulars are.

Meet and greets are designed to give couples who are new to the lifestyle, or new to the area, a chance to meet other swingers. Some of the couples we have met at meet and greets are swingers who do not like swing clubs and are looking for couples to invite out privately. This can be good or bad. If a couple are seasoned swingers, you might want to let them know you are new and are looking to take swinging step by step. The good thing about couples who are not new to the lifestyle is that they can help you navigate the whole process. The bad thing is, they might want you to move faster than what is comfortable for you. Communication is always very important in any swinging situation.

Lifestyle resorts and expos, would newbies feel comfortable in these environments?

Lifestyle expos and resorts can be a lot of fun, but if you are new to the lifestyle and just looking to see what it is all about, these types of venues can seem a bit hardcore. Both are a lot of fun for swingers, but if swinging is new to your couple, these environments can be intimidating. Most people who attend conventions or go on swinging vacations are not new to the lifestyle. They have a limited amount of time and want to make the most of the vacation. At the last expo we attended, by the time we arrived (which was only a few hours after it started), the party was in full swing with many couples already naked in the pool enjoying themselves. It was fine with us, but if we were newbies, it would have felt a little intimidating.

What about a swinger cruise?

Swinger cruises are also a wonderful vacation for those in the lifestyle but perhaps not the best place for new swingers to start. The biggest problem with a cruise for your first introduction to the lifestyle is that you cannot walk away if you do not like it. Of course, you do not have to swing, but the majority of people who choose a lifestyle cruise, do so because they are looking to swing.

We see that we can sign up on a swinger dating site for a private party…

Some people who are new to swinging might think a private party would be an easy way to meet other swingers. After all, there are usually fewer people at a party than a club, so it is easier to talk to others. While this may be true, most private parties are for real swingers. When you attend a private party, people usually think if you are there, it is to play. Why else would you attend? For that reason, it is probably not the best place to start, unless you think that you want to swing your first night out, which is usually not the best idea.

How about trying to meet couples on swinger dating sites?  This seems easy…

Swinger dating sites are also great for swingers but may not be the best avenue for new swingers to take when trying to meet other couples. It can be difficult to navigate these sites when you are new to the lifestyle. Looking at photos (which frequently are not very current) and reading ages (again, not always honest) and profiles can be misleading. Trying to meet up with couples who cancel at the last minute or don’t respond to your emails can be frustrating. New swingers might take it personally while seasoned swingers have learned it is not personal. Many swingers also know what to look for when checking out online sites, while newbies do not. This can cause them to have a negative first experience.

So what’s the bottom line?  We are new to the lifestyle and would like to test the waters.

For these reasons, I  recommend to new swingers that the best place to start would probably be at a meet and greet. If you are lucky, you might meet another new couple and the four of you can venture out to a swing club together to get a feel for the lifestyle. Swing clubs sometimes also host meet and greets from time to time and this is even better. These events mix new swingers with those already in the lifestyle. This gives those who are new, a chance to see a swing club.   It also allows them the opportunity to meet both new and old swingers. It gives you the freedom to come and go as you please. Nobody expects anything from you. You can choose to sit back and observe or you can jump in and join the party.

The most important thing for new swingers is to communicate.

Whatever you decide for your first swinging experience, make sure to communicate with your partner both before you go and while you are there. Before making the decision to play with another couple, it is crucial that you decide this as a couple. If one person is not ready, it will only lead to disaster and very likely will stop your swinging career before it ever begins. The lifestyle is a wonderful thing if handled properly. Your partner must always be made to feel like your number one priority. You cannot enter a swinger environment and leave your partner to fend for themselves or to follow your every lead. Swinging must be done as a joint venture, especially at the beginning, to ensure success.  https://www.swingersjewelry.net/communicate/

The most important thing to remember is that this is supposed to be fun! If one of you is not having fun, then perhaps you need to back up and figure out why someone is not happy. Swinging is not for everyone and it will not work if one person is doing it for their partner. Again, communication is the key to success in the lifestyle.

Don’t forget to wear your lifestyle jewelry!

Wearing our lifestyle jewelry is another way to meet swingers.  Sold only through lifestyle sites and venues.  The jewelry allows you to be discreet yet will let other swingers know that you, too, are in the lifestyle.  Perfect for nights out in bars and clubs that don’t cater to swingers.  You’ll be surprised how quickly you will meet other swingers!  https://www.swingersjewelry.net/jewelry-for-swingers

Follow our blog for great stories from other swingers who have met each other simply because they were wearing our jewelry! https://www.swingersjewelry.net/lifestyle-2/

Good luck and have fun!

Does one’s alter ego play a role in the lifestyle?

Librarian alter ego sexy woman

 

 

Perhaps swinging allows us to develop an alter ego…

After listening to the ever-entertaining podcast “Our Naughty Escapades” where Bob and Nicky introduce themselves by their real names, it made me think. While I have been listening to “Ben and Jen” for all this time, I wonder if these fake names allowed them to explore a riskier side of themselves.  Often times in swing clubs or lifestyle events people will wear wigs or other disguises hoping to avoid recognition.

So what is an alter ego exactly?  According to Dictionary.com https://www.dictionary.com/browse/alter-ego alter ego is defined like this:

1.  a second self; a perfect substitute or deputy
2.  an inseparable friend.
3.  another aspect of one’s self.

Entering the lifestyle can be daunting for most people.  It is a common fear for newbies that someone will recognize them.   The plan for most couples is the same: we will look around and if we spot people we know, we will leave.

But wait! If they are there too, why would they judge you for being there? They won’t, but that will not always help to ease the nervousness of couples who are coming in for the first time.

For this reason, some people like to try to change something about themselves so that others will not recognize them. Some women wear wigs, some people wear glasses and some simply change their name or profession.

While many people initially do this to avoid detection, they often discover that it is easier to act in a way they would not if they were not in disguise. Simply changing your name (which is so common) seems to allow people to feel free to explore.

Do these small, seemingly insignificant changes allow our alter egos to shine? Like Nicky said after revealing her real name, she misses naughty “Jen.” That’s because as “Jen,” she felt free to behave in a way that she does not yet feel comfortable acting as Nicky.

Alter egos are liberating! If we believe others cannot really see us as we truly are, perhaps we feel more confident.  It allows us to expose parts of ourselves that we might otherwise feel inclined to suppress or hide.

I can remember going out to a swing club for Halloween. We live close to the club, so we spend a fair amount of time there. This Halloween night, when both the girls at the front desk and the bartenders did not recognize me, something inside clicked. I walked around and realized that with a red wig on, I had become totally unrecognizable to people. It was so liberating to be able to act in a way that I otherwise would have felt too shy to do. I felt bolder and more open than I ever had before.

It was apparent that some people who tended to be shy, seemed to have found confidence by wearing a costume. It seemed to summon something inside them that did not usually come out.

The dance floor on Halloween was exceptionally crowded. People who are not usually on the dance floor were suddenly letting loose. The power of their costumes was startling.

For some people, simply entering the lifestyle creates an alter ego. By day, someone might be a teacher, a doctor or an accountant. By night, that same person lets loose and has sex with a group of total strangers. A religious individual who wears modest clothing during the day suddenly reinvents herself at night and wears mini skirts, skimpy tops and thigh high boots.

Alter egos are a healthy way to explore another side of oneself. It allows a person the freedom to behave in a way that would be impossible under normal circumstances. Imagine the slutty religious woman wearing her club clothing in her own community. Would never happen, and if it did, she would surely be shunned.

Do we all have a secret alter ego busting to be let out? A superhero begging to be unleashed? A slut living deep inside ourselves wishing to get out to explore her sexuality?

Whatever the answer is, the lifestyle is a wonderful place to probe this side of oneself. It is almost fantasy like to be able to be free to act in a way that your day to day self does not feel free to do. Try it!

If you admire the lifestyle tattoo in the image, you can purchase it here, in our online store:

https://www.swingersjewelry.net/jewelry-for-swingers/

Infidelity and the lifestyle; how swinging helps couples avoid cheating on each other.

Happy couple clinking wine glasses
Happy couple clinking wine glasses

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

People who are not in the lifestyle, equate swinging with infidelity.  Obviously, for people who swing, this is absolutely untrue.   According to dictionary.com. infidelity means:

1.  marital disloyalty
2.  unfaithfulness
     Considering those two meanings, swingers are not being disloyal or unfaithful to their spouses.  Perhaps we should think of swingers as writng their own rules in their own marriages.  They have decided together, as a couple, to open their marriage to something more. Whether or not religious figures would agree that this is not adultery or infidelity is another topic altogether.

It is not uncommon to hear people who are not in the lifestyle to question why couples swing.  Besides that they imagine swingers to be perverted deviants, their perception of swingers is really off.  They have a hard time understanding why people would be open to having sex with someone other than their spouse.  More than that, they cannot fathom why swingers do not get upset with the fact that their significant others are doing this.

Let’s consider this:  if a department store invited you to visit anytime, and take what you needed for free, would you ever feel the need to steal something from them?   Silly question right?  How can you steal something if they are giving it to you for free?   Let’s say you are in school and need help on an exam and the teacher tells you anytime you don’t know an answer to just ask her and she will tell you. Would you need to copy off someone’s paper?  What would be the point?  The teacher has already offered the free help, right?  It is the same in the lifestyle.  Your partner offers to let you swing with other people, why would you need to do this behind their back?  That is not to say that it never happens because it probably does, but what it is the point?

It is very common when you speak with swingers to hear how surprised they were when they first entered the lifestyle to discover how in love swingers seemed to be.  It was exactly the opposite of what they had imagined.  If couples were so in love, what drove them into the lifestyle?  The best answer is probably honesty.

The relationship between a couple who chooses to swing has to be very open and honest.   In order to swing, they had to get to the point where they could admit that although they love each other, they would like to try something else.  It is normal for  couples to fall into a routine or rut with their sex life.  Some couples try to spice things up by watching porn, using toys, trying different positions or even going to strip clubs.  What happens when that is not enough?

For couples not in the lifestyle, unfortunately, they might look to someone else to fill that void.  Infidelity is exceptionally selfish.  One person in the couple chooses to find excitement that is lost with their partner while the other partner makes do with  the lack of fulfillment.  Sometimes both parts of the couple choose to be unfaithful to each other while maintaining  the facade of a wonderful marriage.  How long can that last?

When you consider the avenue swingers take, it seems more logical and loving.  Swinging is something couples do together.  They venture into the lifestyle as a couple not to find someone to replace their partner, but to find couples to spice up their sex life.  The excitement is something they experience together.  The only sneaking around these couples might be engaging in, is from their family and friends. Swinging creates a very strong bond;  you are naughty together.

When you consider the freedom that swinging brings to both members of the couple, who would feel the need to cheat?  Sure, there are always exceptions, but that shows a true character fault.  Generally speaking, swingers would agree that they have no reason to cheat.  Swinging helps them to avoid infedelity.

Many couples who have been in the lifestyle for many years reach different levels of comfort with separating while swinging.  Some couples have no problem allowing their significant other to play on their own while traveling or with friends they have met in the lifestyle.  They talk about how much pleasure they get just from hearing about the escapades of their partners.   The only request they make of each other is to tell them about what they do when they play on their own.  Some couples never separate and continue their swinging journey side by side.  Either way, the degree of trust and freedom is immeasurable compared with those not in the lifestyle.

Everyone is different and perhaps there are couples who never feel the desire to play outside their marriage.  It seems that number would be very low when you consider how rampant infidelity is.

My question to those not in the lifestyle is this:  why not try to explore together what both of you are secretly wishing for?  It is impossible to believe that every married adult at some point has not fantasized about having sex with someone else.  A neighbor, a  teacher, a coworker, someone famous or your spouse’s best friend.   The best part about swinging is that these are no longer secrets or fantasies!  You and your partner not only talk about what your sexual fantasies are, you experience them together.  What could be more honest and intimate than that?  That is what creates such a strong bond between swingers.   When you have everything you need at home, why would you need to go elsewhere?

Love does play a role in swinging but not in the way people might imagine.

Couple in love wearing Partners ID jewelry
Couple in love wearing Partners ID jewelry

When we think about swinging, we do not think about love. The purpose of swinging is to have fun. To find another couple or a single man or woman to fulfill a fantasy. Sex is a physical act and does not require love to participate. Swinging equates to sex without love whereas a marriage incorporates love and sex.

To people who are not in the lifestyle, it is a very difficult concept for them to grasp. They frequently ask if couples in the lifestyle are afraid that their partner might fall in love with someone else. Sure, anything is possible, but you do not have to be a swinger to be at risk of falling in love with someone else.

Swinging has nothing to do with love. Swingers do not seek out the lifestyle to find a partner to share their life with. Single swingers might be looking for love. Some are looking for someone who shares their lifestyle views. Couples are not there for this reason.

Vanilla couples cannot understand how swingers do not get jealous when they see their partner with someone else but it always reminds me of something from the Bible. The following is a part of the passage, not the entire thing: (I am not religious, or Catholic, but this always comes to mind):

Love is patient. Love is kind. Love does not envy, it does not put on airs, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, and it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. So Faith, Hope and Love abide these three; But the Greatest of these is Love.”

In my opinion, the only role love plays in swinging, is between the couple that decides together that they would like to explore the  lifestyle.  You love your partner enough to give them the freedom to partake in things they otherwise could not, and you find joy in seeing them enjoy those things.  You have faith in your partner; you allow them to play because you are sure they will come back to you.   You are able to express love for each other by forging your own path.  You do not allow others to dictate to you what is normal.  Although society equates love with monogamy, you choose to define love your own way and you know the love between you and your partner is mutually exclusive.  You hope that your love is forever and that these experiences will only enrich your lives.

There is no love between couples that play but there can be infatuation or lust.  How can you love someone that you don’t really know?  The person who shows up at parties or swing clubs or on vacations or cruises allows you to see only a small part of who they are.  The real person is the one who has to get up for work in the mornings; the person who has to clean up after their children or their dog.  The true person is not always dancing and having fun but paying bills and dealing with stress.  Until you know that person, how can you really know that you love them?

The part of swinging that makes it so enjoyable is that we get to dress up, have a few drinks, dance or socialize then move onto the swinging aspect.  Spending an evening with swingers is like going out on New Year’s Eve.  It’s always a big party, but is that real life?  It is an awful lot of fun and the environment lends itself to getting hot for other people, but that is the whole point.  We go into swing clubs looking for others to spend a few hours with but not our lives.

If people in the lifestyle were not able to separate sex and love, swinging could not exist.  It is the rare couple who can find that delicate balance and make it work.  If couples were constantly falling in love with each other, swing clubs would be empty.  Who would want to risk their relationship for an evening of fun?
The most important thing is to keep perspective.  Having sex with someone else is just for a moment of pleasure, whereas being in a committed relationship is hopefully for a lifetime.

I love swinging! When it is simple…

Difficult couple new to swinging

Nobody likes complicated things and most people hate drama.  When it comes to swinging, it is no different.

Swinging is something people do for enjoyment.  Going to a lifestyle event, hotel takeover, swing club, private party or a lifestyle cruise are things people do for fun.  If couples were looking for a complicated evening or vacation, they would make plans with their teenaged children.

The majority of the time, swinging is a fun way to spend a night.  You get dressed up, you get cleaned up and you are looking forward to a good time.  Lifestyle friends are always up for a party and it does not matter what the venue is.

A perfect night usually entails heading out to a party or club. Once there,   meeting friends and people you do not know, having a few drinks,  and heading into a play area.  You find another couple (or single), everybody plays, everybody is happy, you leave.  That’s not so hard, right?

For many couples it is simple.  They have conversations about what works for the both of them. The problem usually begins when a couple does not communicate or one is not honest.

So what is drama in the lifestyle?  Swingers are out to have fun, what could possibly go wrong?  Here are a few issues that make swinging more difficult than it needs to be:

1.  Someone is too drunk to play.
2.  One of the couple is not interested but their partner doesn’t seem to notice.
3.  The couple is in a fight but they try to find another couple anyway.
4.  One of the couple is not a player, they just like to watch.
5.  The husband is full swap, the wife is not.
6.  One of them gets jealous when they see the other play.
7.  They want others to touch them but they don’t reciprocate
8.  One is pushing the other to do things they are not comfortable with.
9.  One engages with another couple without getting their partners approval
10.  One gets upset and leaves during play.

When couples find themselves in situations such as these it ruins the moment, and sometimes the night.

How can you avoid ending up with couples who are like this?  Unfortunately, with the exception someone being too intoxicated, it is hard to know in advance.  Sometimes even when a couple says they are full swap or ready to play, they are not.

Couples who enter a play area must communicate with each other and the couple they intend to play with.  If one of you does not play, be honest and upfront.  Pushing your partner into a situation that they are not comfortable with can never end well.

Like myself, most people are in the lifestyle to have fun.  Swinging should be something you do for enjoyment.  If you don’t enjoy it or you have a laundry list of rules, better to stay home.

Bottom line, I love to swing, but only when it is simple…

If you are in the lifestyle and are looking to find other swingers, try wearing our lifestyle jewelry. It holds the international symbol for swingers: https://www.swingersjewelry.net/jewelry-for-swingers/

A visit to a swing club might be just what your marriage needs!

Woman talking about swing club wearing Partners ID jewelry

When a friend confides that her sex life has diminished, would you suggest visiting a swing club?  I did…

A friend recently confided in me that her sex life has become pretty non existent.  After years of great sex, it no longer exists.  She wondered aloud if he no longer found her attractive.  There was no concern of another woman, they were very happily married.  I asked if perhaps it was a hormonal problem and she said she did not believe that was it.

So what’s happening?  My friend is very attractive and takes good care of herself.  She has a great figure and wears form fitting clothing to show it off.  I decided since she was coming to me for advice, I would take a chance.

“A few years ago, my husband and I were in a sexual rut,” I explained.  “Sex had become routine.  We decided to try toys, watch porn and role play.  Although it was exciting for a while, we found ourselves looking for something more.  My husband suggested a strip club and this was also exciting at first, but soon we were bored.  It was during a night at a strip club that one of the dancers suggested we try a swing club.”

I held my breath and waited for her reaction.  She leaned in close to me and with bated breath asked quietly, “And?”

Not sure how to proceed, I turned the tables.  I asked her what she would do.  Would she be willing to try a swing club? 

As I listened to her talk about how disgusting the thought of this was, I stopped her.  I decided to take a chance and tell her we had tried it a few times.  Very nonchalantly I described the first few nights we had actually visited a swing club.  The nerves, the anticipation of what I would see, what I wore and finally what I thought of the experience.  

This is perhaps the most important thing that vanilla couples misunderstand about what happens in a swing club.  I was honest about my fears regarding what type of people would actually spend time in a swing club.  The thought of half naked people walking around touching each other was a fear of mine.  I was sure the people would be old and unattractive; that the club would be a dungeon full of scary sights.  Not knowing what to expect is perhaps one of the biggest reasons that people shy away from swing clubs.

Her eyes were large as she listened intently.  She was dying to know what the club was actually like.  It was more shocking for her when I told her it was the exact opposite of what I had imagined.  The club was beautiful and upscale.  The people were warm and friendly; easy to talk to and quite interesting.  Many were professionals and most were genuinely normal, everyday type of people.  

I continued to explain that I did not see anything alarming or perverse.  Some couples were busy in groups, talking and laughing, some couples were dancing and others simply sat and observed.  Both women and men were well dressed.  Some women were a bit sexier than others, but if I had not known I was in a swing club, I would not have thought anything was odd.  Except, perhaps for the fact that people were so friendly and there was a monitor over the dance floor playing porn.

She was curious to hear whether we had seen people having sex while at the club.  There was no intent on my part to reveal that we have been in the lifestyle for many years and spend every weekend at this club.  My only interest was to help shed some light on the truth about swing clubs.  My answers reflected my views when I was new to the lifestyle.

I admitted that we, too, were curious and so after a few visits to this club we decided to check it out.  There was no way I was going to tell her that we had to change into towels to go into the back room, so I left that part out.

 

It seemed best to explain how respectful others are in this situation.  You go at your own pace.  If you simply want to watch, that is fine.  Some couples simply play with their husband or wife, while others opt to trade partners as they play side by side.  Some people like to play as threesomes and some prefer to be in a private room.  

I did admit that it was a very exciting way to spend a night. That first visit to the club had ignited a sexual flame within the both of us.  The club had a sexy vibe and we liked that.  Watching other people having sex was erotic and exciting.  The atmosphere is like none other.

My final bit of advice to her was to do some research and perhaps try it out.  There is no pressure to do anything.  Many people go to swing clubs and simply socialize.  Some drink and dance.  The most important thing is to do something in her marriage to get it back on track.

The simple act of going to a swing club brought my husband and I closer after just the first time.  We were now partners in crime and had something that we did not share with others.  It was our secret and it was shocking how it helped us to grow as a couple.  

The bottom line is that going to a swing club is an experience.  Perhaps one couple will love it and another will not.  It is not a commitment of any kind and there are no promises or guarantees of what will happen on any given night.  The most important thing to remember is that it is something you do together. 

Looking to find other swingers?  Wear lifestyle jewelry so others can find you!  Shop for the jewelry here: https://www.swingersjewelry.net/jewelry-for-swingers/

Why should we wear lifestyle jewelry? Is it really necessary?

 

Swingers on beach wearing Partners ID jewelry

Before Partners ID was born, my husband and I had been in the lifestyle for many years.  Some of our favorite lifestyle activities included going to  swing clubs and a local nude beach.  We traveled to Desire and Hedo and had ventured out on a lifestyle cruise.  At times we checked out swinger dating sites for private party information and to meet other swingers online.  

Regardless of the fact that we knew where to go to meet swingers, something was missing. We have always been proud to be in the lifestyle but we also practice discretion.   It is clear to us that there are many benefits to being in the lifestyle but most vanilla couples cannot understand this.  Most people are not open to the concept of swinging.  For this reason, most swingers prefer to keep the fact that they are in the lifestyle to themselves.

At times we would wonder about couples we would spot on the nude beach.  Quite often, we would spot an attractive couple and try to figure out if they were swingers. It occurred to us that other than flat out asking them, there was really no way to know for sure if they were in the lfiestyle. 

Not long after we had started to think about this, we took a trip to Cap D’agde, the naturist resort in France.  This community boasts as many as 50,000 visitors during their busiest times of year.  While the majority of people who visit are nudists, Cap D’agde also attracts many swingers.  During the summer months, Cap D’Agde reports that they can host upwards of 10,000 swingers at certain times.  Although that sounds like a lot, it is only about 1/5 of the population at the resort.

One thing about this is very important to understand.  While swingers can also be nudists, most naturists are not swingers.  More importantly, many naturists are as opposed to swingers as many vanilla couples are.  That creates some difficulty in an environment such as this.  Swingers are all excited to mingle and meet others in the lifestyle, but how can they decipher who the swingers are without asking?

It was at this point that we started to realize that something very important was missing from the lifestyle.  Swingers needed something to identify themselves to each other without alerting everyone around them.  A symbol that was designed only for this purpose.  It had to be too complicated to google yet easy to spot.  

The decision was made to do something about this problem while on the beach in Cap D’Agde.  There were 3 couples involved:  one American couple, one French couple and one Australian couple.  If there was a simple pendant that we could wear, that would identify us to others and others to us, this very vacation would have been so much better!  

This concept made us think about other aspects of our lives.  Wouldn’t it be great if we could meet other swingers in a local bar, at a grocery store, at a sporting event?  There would no longer be any reason to constantly wonder if other people were swingers.  

Since its inception, customers have written us hundreds of emails.  They relate stories of how they have met others swingers because of the jewelry. Each note always says the same thing:  “We would never have met these people if it wasn’t for the jewelry.”  That is exactly why it was created. 

Now imagine if everyone in the lifestyle wore this pendant….

To see our collection of lifestyle jewelry click here:  

Sex in Texas! A hotwife bank teller finds what she’s looking for!

Bank teller looking for sex

My husband and I have been married for 10 years and although I love him, I need more sex than he does.  At the beginning the sex was hot and often, but after a few years, he was happy to have sex twice a week.  For a while I simply satisfied myself, but after we discovered swinging, everything changed.  

Swinging woke him up sexually and that has been a positive for both of us.  More importantly is that I can go to a swing club and have sex with many men in one night.  My husband loves to watch and if he finds a woman he wants to play with, he likes to hear about what I was doing while he was busy.  

Although I love the sex I can have at a club, I discovered what I was really looking for was the freedom to have sex with other men.  As in, what I want, with who I want, when I want!  

I discussed this with my husband and he told me the thought of my meeting other men for sex was a huge turn on for him!  All he wanted was to hear all about it.  He suggested trying to video tape encounters on my phone so that he could watch what happens.  I wasn’t sure how many men would agree to this but I said I would do my best.

The only problem was, how to let men know that I am available.  I work in a bank and  I meet many men but flirting is frowned upon by management.  We had seen your jewelry before and decided that this would be a way to accomplish this!  Not only would I be able to let other swingers know that I am a swinger, but I love black men and so adding the queen of spade charm was perfect!

I did not meet someone right away but I got a lot of compliments on my necklace.  One of coworkers is obsessed with it which makes me laugh.  At first I thought maybe she was a swinger but she has no clue what it is.  

It took a while but finally I had a bite!  It was a regular customer and he simply handed me his deposit and his personal calling card together.  He smiled and told me to have a nice day.  I think I got wet just thinking about what this meant!  I sent him a text as soon as I was on a break and he responded right away!  He and his wife are swingers and they have an open marriage!  He is allowed to meet other women as long as he tells his wife!  

We met up for drinks the next night after work and headed right over to a motel nearby.  He was not open to the video idea but said my husband could listen in over the phone if that would make him happy.  The sex was incredibly hot and lasted quite a few hours.  We talked about the necklace and he asked about the extra charm.  I told him that I love black men (he is not) and he told me he knows quite a few from their circle of swingers.  He said he could ask them to call me if I liked.  This was unbelievable!  Needless to say, I was thrilled!

Long story short, I have been very busy after work and wanted to tell you that the jewelry definitely works!  

Hugs and kisses

Francesca

Dallas, TX

Check out the necklace this hotwife is wearing here:  https://www.swingersjewelry.net/product/spade/

Time Magazine claims “We Are Having So Little Sex,” I beg to differ…

Couple having sex wearing Partners ID swinger jewelry
In the back room of a swing club this past weekend, my husband and I squeezed into a very small spot on a mattress.  Not because the surrounding couples were of interest, but simply because it was the only free spot we could find. 

 I couldn’t help but wonder if the back room could be any more crowded.  Couples were everywhere, using every available space they could find.  Many couples simply played standing up, a few occasionally backing into an emergency exit and setting off the fire alarm door.  

This particular Saturday was not even a special night at the club.  SDC, Kasidie, SLS and Quiver tend to bring big crowds, but they were not in the house.  It was not New Years or Halloween.  It was just another Saturday night at Trapeze in Fort Lauderdale.

It seemed ironic to me because that same day I had come across an article in Time Magazine titled, “Why Are We All Having So Little Sex?”*

Clearly, the word all, does not include swingers.  We are not only having sex, it is standing room only!

Perhaps, once again, swingers are making a good argument for their decision to engage in consensual non-monogamy.  Sex, the way swingers are having it, is not boring or routine.  It is not an obligation, nor is it a game of wait and see who initiates.

Swingers are out of the house when they are looking to play and that might be one of the most important details.  Swing clubs promote sex as dessert.  People come in to eat dinner, have drinks, dance and finally head into the play area.  

Maybe one of the key aspects of swing clubs is that sex is not at home.  It is almost like checking into a hotel.  Even couples who have fallen into a rut at home are more likely to have sex in a hotel.  The scenery is different and there are less distractions.  Most importantly, the kids are not there.  

Couples make sure to clean up and dress smart.  Women want to be sexy and men want to look hot.  The whole process of getting ready is a part of the allure.  

At a swing club, sex is on the menu.  You can have it if you choose, if not, that’s ok too.  The temptation, like chocolate cake, is that it is available.  Right behind the closed doors is an oasis of naked bodies looking for some fun.  Just like the cake, maybe you will have just have a little taste or maybe, you’ll have it all!  

The point is, swingers have not let the ball drop on an important aspect of both their relationship with their significant other and their general well being.  Sex is good for you.  It is exercise, there’s no calories, no chemicals and they can’t do it with their smart phone or computer.  It is good old fashioned face to face (if that’s how you like it) contact with another person.  

You don’t hear couples in a swing club discussing whether or not they feel like having sex tonight.  What you might hear is with whom they would like to have sex.

Perhaps one of the issues regarding sex and long term relationships is not simply the routine of sex but the lack of desire you see from your partner.  The beginning of many relationships is marked by lust. You simply can’t get enough of your partner and they can’t get enough of you.  Sex is incredible and you want it constantly.  

When couples move in together the insatiable desire tends to wane.  We do everything we can to keep the flame burning but over time, life seems to get in the way.  You let your hair down and your partner does not always see you at your best.  

You might try new things in the bedroom but after a while, you run out of new things to try.  And let’s face it, although you love your partner, the excitement eventually dulls.

This is where swingers have it figured out.  If we swap partners, we all win.  Everyone gets to be with someone new and exciting.  The women and men are dressed to impress.  They are hoping to attract a new person to play with but at the same time, your partner is noticing you in a new way as well!

I remember the first night my husband and I decided to go to a swing club.   He looked amazing and I was wearing something way sexier than I had worn in years.  We barely made it to the club because we couldn’t keep our hands off of each other in the car.  

When couples break out of their routine and try something to ignite their sex lives, they might be surprised at the result.  Couples don’t swing because they no longer love their partners, it is the opposite.  They want to find that spark again.  Feeling beautiful, sexy and desirable is important for both men and women.  Swinging is a great way to reestablish those feelings. 

For many couples, swinging sounds like a bad idea.  They worry that their significant other will find someone new.  It is a common fear for newbies but this is not usually the case.  When couples enter the lifestyle properly and with the right intention, this is very uncommon. 

The real problem is for couples who are not having sex.  Even as we age and find ourselves in committed relationships, we are still human.  Humans are sexual beings and naturally crave sex.   

What happens when couples who no longer have sex are still looking for that validation that others find them attractive or desirable?  This can be a slippery slope.  Looking for validation in the wrong environment can lead to trouble.  This type of behavior often leads to cheating.

The take away?  It is natural for sex to become less exciting in a long term relationship but it is not natural to stop having sex. When I read the article asking, “Why are we having so little sex,” I am quite sure I said, “Not me” out loud.  

If you love your partner and are simply looking to spice things up between the two of you, swinging might be for you!  

*http://time.com/5297145/is-sex-dead/

Spotting other swingers is easy when you wear lifestyle jewelry.  See the collection here::  https://www.swingersjewelry.net/jewelry-for-swingers/