Infidelity and the lifestyle; how swinging helps couples avoid cheating on each other.

Happy couple clinking wine glasses
Happy couple clinking wine glasses

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

People who are not in the lifestyle, equate swinging with infidelity.  Obviously, for people who swing, this is absolutely untrue.   According to dictionary.com. infidelity means:

1.  marital disloyalty
2.  unfaithfulness
     Considering those two meanings, swingers are not being disloyal or unfaithful to their spouses.  Perhaps we should think of swingers as writng their own rules in their own marriages.  They have decided together, as a couple, to open their marriage to something more. Whether or not religious figures would agree that this is not adultery or infidelity is another topic altogether.

It is not uncommon to hear people who are not in the lifestyle to question why couples swing.  Besides that they imagine swingers to be perverted deviants, their perception of swingers is really off.  They have a hard time understanding why people would be open to having sex with someone other than their spouse.  More than that, they cannot fathom why swingers do not get upset with the fact that their significant others are doing this.

Let’s consider this:  if a department store invited you to visit anytime, and take what you needed for free, would you ever feel the need to steal something from them?   Silly question right?  How can you steal something if they are giving it to you for free?   Let’s say you are in school and need help on an exam and the teacher tells you anytime you don’t know an answer to just ask her and she will tell you. Would you need to copy off someone’s paper?  What would be the point?  The teacher has already offered the free help, right?  It is the same in the lifestyle.  Your partner offers to let you swing with other people, why would you need to do this behind their back?  That is not to say that it never happens because it probably does, but what it is the point?

It is very common when you speak with swingers to hear how surprised they were when they first entered the lifestyle to discover how in love swingers seemed to be.  It was exactly the opposite of what they had imagined.  If couples were so in love, what drove them into the lifestyle?  The best answer is probably honesty.

The relationship between a couple who chooses to swing has to be very open and honest.   In order to swing, they had to get to the point where they could admit that although they love each other, they would like to try something else.  It is normal for  couples to fall into a routine or rut with their sex life.  Some couples try to spice things up by watching porn, using toys, trying different positions or even going to strip clubs.  What happens when that is not enough?

For couples not in the lifestyle, unfortunately, they might look to someone else to fill that void.  Infidelity is exceptionally selfish.  One person in the couple chooses to find excitement that is lost with their partner while the other partner makes do with  the lack of fulfillment.  Sometimes both parts of the couple choose to be unfaithful to each other while maintaining  the facade of a wonderful marriage.  How long can that last?

When you consider the avenue swingers take, it seems more logical and loving.  Swinging is something couples do together.  They venture into the lifestyle as a couple not to find someone to replace their partner, but to find couples to spice up their sex life.  The excitement is something they experience together.  The only sneaking around these couples might be engaging in, is from their family and friends. Swinging creates a very strong bond;  you are naughty together.

When you consider the freedom that swinging brings to both members of the couple, who would feel the need to cheat?  Sure, there are always exceptions, but that shows a true character fault.  Generally speaking, swingers would agree that they have no reason to cheat.  Swinging helps them to avoid infedelity.

Many couples who have been in the lifestyle for many years reach different levels of comfort with separating while swinging.  Some couples have no problem allowing their significant other to play on their own while traveling or with friends they have met in the lifestyle.  They talk about how much pleasure they get just from hearing about the escapades of their partners.   The only request they make of each other is to tell them about what they do when they play on their own.  Some couples never separate and continue their swinging journey side by side.  Either way, the degree of trust and freedom is immeasurable compared with those not in the lifestyle.

Everyone is different and perhaps there are couples who never feel the desire to play outside their marriage.  It seems that number would be very low when you consider how rampant infidelity is.

My question to those not in the lifestyle is this:  why not try to explore together what both of you are secretly wishing for?  It is impossible to believe that every married adult at some point has not fantasized about having sex with someone else.  A neighbor, a  teacher, a coworker, someone famous or your spouse’s best friend.   The best part about swinging is that these are no longer secrets or fantasies!  You and your partner not only talk about what your sexual fantasies are, you experience them together.  What could be more honest and intimate than that?  That is what creates such a strong bond between swingers.   When you have everything you need at home, why would you need to go elsewhere?

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New swingers tend to worry about being “outed”; should they?

New swingers peeking around corner; woman wearing Partners ID jewelry
Newbie peeking around corner; woman wearing Partners ID jewelry

 

 

 

Prior to entering the lifestyle, most new swingers tend to have the same concern:   what if we run into someone we know?  Will they tell other people they saw us?  It is normal for new swingers to worry about this, especially if they are looking to swing close to home.  Some people are well known in their community and even without disclosing their last name, people might readily recognize them.  It is normal to be apprehensive before getting started.

Prior to our first visit to a swing club, I was terrified that we would see people we know.  As it turned out, we did.  We saw four couples that we knew.  As soon as I spotted the first couple I grabbed my husband and told him we had to leave.  He insisted that it would be fine.  Within moments of my spotting one couple, they turned and saw us.  They walked right over and welcomed us to the club.  They were so warm and clearly happy to see us.  They then introduced us to a group of their friends.  When I voiced concern about  knowing so many people, they assured me that people are very discreet and would never discuss what or who they see at a swing club.

Most swingers will tell you that lifestyle events are filled with many couples but the theme is always the same:  what happens in the lifestyle, stays in the lifestyle.  Although there are couples who are open with their friends and families about the fact that they swing, the majority of swingers choose to keep this private.  Should new swingers worry about those couples talking freely about who they see when they are swinging?  Probably not because that would cause people to distrust them and keep their distance.

Many couples look to begin swinging by joining an online site for swingers.  It can be a bit daunting when the first thing the site asks the new swingers for is personal information and a photo.  Luckily, most sites do not require a photo of your face and names and addresses are used solely for payment purposes.  They all offer the option to choose a screen name and to post pictures that you are comfortable with.  Many sites offer private photo gallery options which allow you to keep your photos private.  To let others view them, you must give them a secret code to unlock the photos.  Online swinger sites make finding couples you already know very difficult.  Without asking a couple for their screen name, chances are you would not even find them if you looked for them.  The same goes for curiosity seekers; first they would have to pay to join, then finding people they know without knowing their screen names would be almost impossible.

While it is true that many swingers shy away from online profiles with no pictures readily available, not all do.  Some couples will understand your need for privacy, as many people on these sites have tech savvy children as well.  Although people will argue that the site is password protected, some folks out there will still be too worried to post photos.

Swing clubs are always a very easy way to get started in the lifestyle, but again, newbies worry that they will see someone they know.  This is always a possibility but again, if you are both at the club, you are both there for the same reason.  Chances are, you will become better friends because you already know each other.

What if you are a public figure of some kind?  This means other people will know who you are but you will not know who they are.  That seems to be the biggest concern of all for well known new swingers.  If you are someone who is in a position of power, what if people who work around you in lesser positions spot you.  Will they talk about it at work?  After all, that would be good gossip.  That is always a possibility but again, in order to out you, they have to out themselves.  In this case, being friendly and warm will serve you better in the long run.  It is less likely that people will talk about you if they like you.

There is never any guarantee that people will not somehow discover your secret life but that should not keep you from enjoying the lifestyle.  There are so many wonderful people who swing and they are not really interested in who you are outside of the lifestyle.  They, like you, are there to have a good time.  Life is too short to always worry ‘what if’!

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How can you tell if another couple wants to swing with you?

A couple and single girl at a bar wearing Partners ID Jewelry
A couple and single girl at a bar wearing Partners ID Jewelry

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Swinging can sometimes feel like dating.  Remember in the past when you met someone and spent a fair amount of time wondering if they liked you?  Then you tried to decide if they liked you, or liked you liked you.   The only difference now, is that usually swingers are couples looking for other couples.  Although it sounds so simple, it is not.  Instead of the traditional one person seeking out another, it is now one couple (2 people) looking for another couple (2 more people).  That equals four people who must all be on the same page.  It might not sound that complicated but it can be.

The other part of this equation is wondering when you do meet other swingers, how to know which couples want to swing with you.  That too, can be complicated.  When you are dealing with a couple, maybe the man likes you, but his wife doesn’t like your husband (or vice versa).  The problems with four people are multiplied dramatically so it’s important to pay attention to signs and signals that other couples are giving you.

Swing clubs are a great place to meet other couples (or singles) to swing with. They have a sexy, night club atmosphere and most of the people who are there, are there to swing. This does not mean, however, that every couple you meet wants to swing with you. So how can you tell who is and who is not interested?

Most adults have learned that when they are in a social situation, they should be friendly and warm. We were taught to be polite and smile. If someone talks to us, we should have the common courtesy to listen and even join in the conversation. People in swing clubs, tend to be very friendly and welcoming to each other. So with all this smiling and kindness, how can we distinguish between people are who being polite and people who are interested in having sex?

For some couples, it’s not that hard to figure out, whereas for others, they seem to have no clue at all (think Sheldon Cooper). Here is a little quiz to help you determine if you are on the right track to finding other couples to play with:

You are sitting at the bar and a couple walks over. They are trying to get the bartender’s attention and since you are sitting there, they say hello. You and your significant other find them attractive so you try to engage them in conversation. They are friendly and answer your questions but as soon as the bartender hands them their drinks, they turn and walk away. Now, this should be an easy one…
This couple is interested, you have a shot: True or False

(False, clearly, they are not interested.)

Let’s try another, shall we? A couple is seated next to you on a couch. They seem friendly and you strike up a conversation with them. The husband answers your questions but the wife is not paying any attention. She is busy watching people on the dance floor. While you are talking to him, the husband turns and asks his wife if she wants to dance. They pop up and leave for the dance floor. Hm, what do you think?

A. They will be back in a few minutes and we will have another chance to win them over?

B. We have no shot let’s go find another couple.

If you chose A, you should probably keep reading until the end!

How about this situation: a couple approaches you while you are at the bar and asks if anyone is sitting in the seats next to you. You say no and the couple sits down. They introduce themselves and tell you it’s their first time in this club. They are friendly and you are encouraged that maybe this can work. You talk with them for a while and they get up to go and dance. After a few songs, they return to their seats next to you. A couple sits down on the other side of them and they turn to engage in conversation with them. You and your significant other walk around to join the two couples in conversation. They continue talking while you stand there. You don’t want to be rude so you patiently wait for them to introduce you to this couple. After a few minutes, nobody attempts to bring you into the conversation. You decide to go back to your seats at the bar.

A. No problem, in a few minutes they will turn back and chat with us.

B. Not looking good, they were just being friendly.
Don’t wait too long for this couple, it seems they have found a couple they prefer.

You meet a couple standing along side the dance floor. You try to engage them in conversation and although the wife is friendly, the husband is looking around while you are talking to him. He answers your questions but doesn’t ask you any. A few times you even had to repeat yourself because he didn’t hear you. His wife grabs his hand while you are talking to her.

A.  She’s hot and she’s friendly. She will persuade him to be with us.

B. Finding couples is harder than we thought. Let’s move on.

It’s B! When she grabbed his hand, she was trying to tell you something… He showed a clear disinterest from the get go.
You decide to dance and are enjoying the time with your wife. You notice a couple watching you and smiling. When you leave the dance floor they approach you at the bar. They are friendly and she greets you with a kiss on the cheek. The man is attentive to your wife and his wife is attentive to you. She plays with her hair while laughing at your jokes.

A.  This is it! We might actually have a chance with this couple!

B. They are just being friendly, I’m not sure if they really have any interest.

I hope you chose A! This was a gimme, a no brainer.

Believe it or not, we see this all the time. Couples who hang around when there is no chance what so ever that the couple they are clinging to have any interest in them. Sometimes all it really requires, is to pay close attention to what their body language is saying. If someone is standing with their arms crossed and a forced smile on their face, that should tell you that they are not interested. If someone touches you or is engaged in what you say, that’s a good sign. If they turn towards you and have a genuine (not fake) smile, think positive! If the person you are talking to is not making eye contact, walk away. If someone likes you, they will make you feel comfortable and important. They will be present in the moment with you. They will ask you questions and listen carefully to what you have to say. If someone is busy looking around to see what else is available, that means they have no real desire to be with you.

Although we always stress how important communication is, in this type of situation, nobody will tell you that they are not interested, it is just too rude. They will, however, do whatever they can with their body language to let you know. Non verbal cues are all you are going to get to let you know when a coupe is or is not interested. All you have to do, is pay attention to what it is they are trying to say.

Swinging should be fun but figuring out who wants to swing with you can sometimes be confusing! The more experience you have in the lifestyle the easier it will become! Good luck!

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Do women drink more alcohol than men at lifestyle events?

Woman drinking alcohol wearing Partners ID jewelry
Woman drinking alcohol wearing Partners ID jewelry

 

 

Do women in the lifestyle drink more alcohol than men at events and clubs?

Since prohibition ended in 1933 and alcohol was finally legalized permanently in the US, it has become a mainstay with most adults in America. It has become somewhat of a rarity to meet an adult who does not drink alcohol.

Alcohol has always been somewhat of a right of passage for young adults. Forbidden to kids when they are young due to their age, suddenly when they cross into adulthood, many indulge in drinking. Often times, young adults try to impress each other with their new found ‘maturity’ and will binge drink with friends on weekends.

As we get older, drinking usually becomes more of a social activity. Many adults will also use alcohol to relax and alleviate stress. Alcohol is known to instill a sense of social confidence and is known for loosening our inhibitions. Naturally, alcohol has found its place in the lifestyle for these reasons.

The majority of people who enter a swing club or attend a lifestyle event for the first time are inclined to drink alcohol as a way of relieving the anxiety of a new situation. Alcohol can be a sort of “liquid courage”.

We can relate to why people will drink more than usual when they find themselves in a new situation, but what happens when couples become regulars in swing clubs or at lifestyle events? Do they still drink more than usual?

Often times, it becomes apparent that women drink more heavily than men in these situations. Why is that? It can be a number of reasons:

Men tend to drink less to avoid “whiskey dick”, (according to the urban dictionary: when you’ve had too much to drink and have a girl back home and can’t get it up to perform the deed)

2. Men are often the “designated drivers” so they must take this into consideration when drinking.

3. Women generally feel less inhibited when drinking alcohol and so they tend to want a buzz to feel more sure of themselves and less reserved.

4. Most women, when they are new to the lifestyle, require a little time to reprogram their way of thinking. Alcohol dulls their moral compass and allows them to act in a way that they might not feel able to, if they were sober.

The big difference between men and women in these situations is two fold:

Men must be able to achieve and maintain an erection if they are going to have sex, whereas women (obviously) do not. Alcohol makes this difficult, if not impossible, for many men.

Many (or perhaps most) women were reared to equate sex with love. She now must change the way she thinks in order to relax and enjoy swinging. Having sex with a man who you have either met briefly or who is a total stranger, can be difficult when you first start swinging. Add in the public sex and your partner with another woman and it is a recipe which screams for another drink. Many women have said that even after years in the lifestyle, none of this would be possible without a fair amount of alcohol.

Men, on the other hand, are very different. Most men say that although they like to have a drink or two for their own pleasure, they absolutely do not “need it” to enjoy swinging. They have no compunction with having sex in public nor with their wives playing with other men. Most, in fact, find it a turn on to watch their wife getting it on with another man.

Unlike women, most men are able to separate sex and love and have mastered this skill at a very early age. Alcohol is not needed to help them to deal with emotional issues while playing, many simply feel it makes them more relaxed and allows them to be more social.

For these reasons, it is not uncommon to discover many women who are either buzzed or very drunk at lifestyle events. When alcohol elicits a euphoric effect and allows a woman to relax and enjoy herself, then alcohol has had a positive effect. When a woman is incoherent, passed out or just plain belligerent, this is obviously a negative consequence of alcohol and can be a disaster.

While most people drink for enjoyment, too much alcohol can have the opposite effect. When people are having a good time and things are going well, the need to over drink is not usually as prevalent. When someone is feeling overwhelmed or emotional, over drinking can seem like a helpful way to cope with the stress. Obviously, this usually ends poorly as the person either becomes sick, angry or curled up on a couch.

Blaming alcohol seems like an easy excuse when things go wrong in the lifestyle. Perhaps couples should take a step back and examine the reason for the alcohol abuse in the first place. If both the man and the woman are tuned into each other and taking steps to ensure each other’s happiness and comfort while at any lifestyle event, the negative effects of alcohol should be able to be avoided. If one part of the couple is drinking too much, the other should try to assess the situation and see what might be causing this. Sometimes a little time and attention is all that is needed to put your partner at ease.

As with all other problematic situations couples face in the lifestyle, communication can help clear the air and goes a long way to fixing problems.

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A lifestyle story from a swinger that is sure to make you cringe!

Naked woman in the lifestyle wearing Partners ID jewelry
Naked woman in the lifestyle wearing Partners ID jewelry

 

 

Dear Partners ID,

I read the story about the couple from New York who walked in half naked to their own surprise party and it brought back memories of our own nightmare. I think this story is at least as cringe worthy.

My husband and I had been in the lifestyle for about 5 years. We spent at least two days a week at the swing club near our home (about 20 miles), and were very comfortable there. The club was not large but it did attract a good crowd most nights.

We were heavy into swinging and went into the playroom almost every night we were in the club. Spending this much time in this club, we knew most of the people who came to the club and some of us were very friendly.

It was Halloween and for this club, it was always a very busy night. It was rare to see someone come to this club and not wear a costume. Some people were so dressed up, we could not tell who they were.

This particular night, a couple that we were very close with was in the club. My husband took the woman to dance and I walked over to a couch with the woman’s husband. We immediately started to kiss and fondle each other and things got hot quickly. He bent me over the side of the couch, lifted my costume and started to lick my pussy from behind.  Soon I could feel an extra set of hands caressing my breasts. I figured it was either my husband or the man who was nearby when we sat down on the couch. Before I knew it, the man is rubbing my clit while the other guy is eating me out and I have a very intense orgasm. I turned to kiss the man to say thank you for joining in when I realized who he was. It was my sister’s husband! My brother in law! OMG!

Needless to say I was completely shocked and traumatized! Our costumes made it difficult to see our faces so neither of us realized until after the fact.

Today the four of us laugh about it and my husband and sister are always joking that it is their turn.

By the way, I love the necklace you custom made for me, it’s perfect!

Kisses!
Dina and Joe
Swingers from Atlanta, GA

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Uninhibited: Perhaps this should be the word to replace swinger.

Uninhibited woman wearing Partners ID jewelry
Uninhibited woman wearing Partners ID jewelry

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Uninhibited? Perhaps this is the term we should use to replace the word swinger.

We have spoken before about how the term ‘swinger’ is outdated.  Today, the word swinger  has a negative  connotation which dates back to the 1970s. Swingers are no longer a part of the key club culture and they also gave up their huckapoo shirts and nylon slacks decades ago. The word swinger seems to conjure up an image of older folks groping each other and partaking in massive, hairy orgies. It is for this reason, that finding a new word to replace the word “swinger” seems necessary.

The term open-minded has been suggested and we have discussed this as well. It seems like a good option but today we would like to consider the word “uninhibited.”

The word uninhibited, according to the free dictionary means the following:

uninhibited
adjective
1. not inhibited or restricted; unhampered.
2. not restrained by or mindful of social convention or usage; free; candid or spontaneous.

When a friend suggested this term I thought, bingo! This is exactly the word I would use to describe swingers. Although many vanilla people think swingers are wild, reckless and depraved, the word uninhibited exudes a much clearer image of who swingers really are.

Swingers are the first to argue that they are, for the most part, no different from anyone else. The central difference between swingers and their vanilla friends is their desire to enjoy sex with more than one person.

Swingers have the ability to let loose and experiment sexually with other people in ways we have always been taught were wrong. We either learned this from our parents or our religion. Sex was intended to take place only between a married couple. Not between two women, not between two men and certainly not with a multitude of partners. We grew up learning to be modest and to cover up our bodies (especially women).

While these teachings were consistent with generations of the past, with the decline of religion over the past decade or so, and with the Baby Boomers now parents and grandparents, we have seen a shift in many people’s moral compass. People are more open to new ideas and beliefs, which has in turn led people to a more open-minded way of thinking.

Interestingly enough, even with the more relaxed attitudes we see today, swingers remain outcasts. It has become both common and acceptable to reveal to friends, family and coworkers your sexual orientation as well as your gender identity, but it is still not acceptable to be a swinger.

If society refuses to accept swingers, perhaps the best course of action is to change the word associated with swinging. In order to change the mind set, the most logical thing to do is to change the word. Take for example the word stripper. We no longer refer to women as strippers. Exotic dancer has become the new term. The name is chic and no longer elicits an image of vaudeville days with trashy women wearing tassels on their breasts. The term exotic dancer, although it means exactly the same thing as stripper, paints a much more palatable image of a beautiful woman dancing in a club.

As swingers, if we were to change the terminology to simply say that we are uninhibited adults, this would erase the image of bunch of old, out of shape people engrossed in an orgy. For vanilla people, the term will imply little more than an individual who is open to new thoughts and ideas.  People who are uninhibited are not prudish or uptight. If people truly are uninhibited, they would be open to the notion of swinging but may or may not partake. This would allow us the freedom to let the world know that we are unconventional or free thinking.  It does not say anything about us sexually. It simply invites open conversations between adults who are uninhibited like ourselves.

Swingers must take the initiative to help change the stigma attached to living this lifestyle. Acknowledging to others that you are uninhibited gives away little about your lifestyle. I truly believe that if the word swinger was abolished, many people who are actually swinging, although they claim that is not what they are doing, would readily admit that they are uninhibited.  This would help build the community while at the same time helping swingers to be accepted for their lifestyle choices.  After all, telling people that you are uninhibited does not really tell them precisely what you are doing.

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Are you being unfaithful when you fantasize about someone else during sex?

Couple fantasizing while asleep wearing Partners ID jewelry
                                                                     Couple fantasizing while asleep wearing Partners ID jewelry
  We hear people taking jabs at swingers because they feel we are unfaithful to our partners.  Of course, everyone in the lifestyle would vehemently disagree with this.  To be unfaithful, (according to the dictionary means breaking trust)  would mean that our partners are unaware of what we are doing, yet just the opposite is true.  Not only are our partners ok with what we are doing, they are alongside us doing the very same thing!  On the television show The Doctors this morning, there was a segment discussing fantasizing about others during sex ( a very short, somewhat vanilla segment).  The interesting part was that they talked about how healthy it is for you to fantasize about being with someone else while making love to your partner.  Really??!!  If that is healthy for your relationship I am confused.  I can’t speak for everyone in the lifestyle but I will say that I do not fantasize about having sex with someone else when I am with my partner.  Before entering the lifestyle I did, but now that I am free to explore sex with other people, when I am with my partner, I am with my partner!  According to the dictionary, fantasize means to dream about, imagine and wish for.  I am not sure how comfortable I feel thinking about making love to my partner while he is ‘secretly’ wishing he was with someone else.  The worst part is that I am not in on this little secret and I think his lust is directed towards me.  This seems deceptive, no?
One of the most fascinating aspects of the lifestyle is it becomes a little like truth serum.  When you are at an event or in a swing club it is normal for you or your partner to point someone out and express interest in that person.  Before entering the lifestyle the thought of this would have made me insanely jealous.  I thought I should be the only person my partner was ever interested in.  I now realize that this is impossible and completely unrealistic.  It is not normal to think you will stop finding other people attractive because you are married or in a committed relationship.  We know that a very large percent of the married population is not faithful to their spouses (Ashley Madison certainly helped to confirm these numbers), but let us consider the number of people fantasizing about someone else when they make love to their partners.  Everyone on the panel of the Doctors admitted that they do fantasize about others from time to time.  That’s 100% of the panel of 6; I suspect that percentage is pretty close to the general population.  They did note that although they fantasize about these other people, who included famous people and people from their everyday life, they do not wish to be with these people in real life.  What a coincidence!  Same thing with swingers!  The philosophy that enables swingers to play with other people without jealousy is the realization that both you and your partner are looking for fun for the moment, not a relationship with someone you play with.  If the vanilla world understood this philosophy perhaps they would not be so quick to judge.  At least we are being honest with each other!
How often have you been out with vanilla friends and notice (sorry guys) the man looking at another woman while his wife is sitting next to him.  She always sees him doing this even though he thinks he is being discreet.  One of two things will happen at this point:  she will pretend not to notice or she will comment on the fact that he was checking her out.    Either way it is uncomfortable for everyone at the table because she is not happy.  If the table is made up of strictly vanilla couples, the other woman will probably agree that the man was wrong to do this in front of his wife.    If swingers are present at the table it can be a totally different experience.  Chances are, both the man and the woman will turn to see the person and comment on whether they agree or disagree that she is attractive.  Then it is over and they move on; no harm done, no arguing.
It would seem to me that the swingers are displaying a much more honest and civil relationship than the vanilla couples who spend their lives secretly wishing and fantasizing about other people.  Just like anything else in life; when we are denied something it makes it that much more enticing.  We dream of expensive cars or homes or vacations but once we have these things we discover they are not as special as we imagined they would be.  Perhaps it is the same with having sex with someone other than your partner.  Once you have the permission to go ahead, after you have played, you discover how much you enjoy your partner.  You really can’t compare having sex with a stranger to making love with your partner.  It’s really not the same because the intimacy is missing.  Just my opinion…
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Hot, sexual encounters present themselves when you wear your lifestyle jewelry!

Couple playing darts wearing Partners ID jewelry
Couple playing darts wearing Partners ID jewelry

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Hey Partners ID!

I hope you can stand another letter from a customer! Hopefully this one will make you smile!

My parents got divorced when I was 9 and my mom’s boyfriend moved in shortly after. Her boyfriend’s wife had died so when he moved in, he brought along his 2 sons. It was an adjustment for me because I was used to being an only child. One of the boys was only 1 year older than me so we used to take the bus to school together.

One day “Rusty” had to stay after school so I took the bus home alone. An older boy on the bus was giving me a hard time after I tripped and fell into his lap, and I was terrified. When I finally arrived at my house he yelled out the window that now that he knew where I lived, he would stop by and beat me up.

The next morning when my mom came to wake me up I told her I was sick. She let me stay home but realized by mid morning that I was fine. I finally told her what had happened and she made me get dressed and she drove me to school. I was a nervous wreck all day, dreading the bus ride home.

At 3:00 I boarded the bus with my stomach in knots. Sure enough, the boy was sitting in the bus and as soon as he saw me started walking towards me. He started telling everyone on the bus how he was going to make me sorry I ever stepped foot onto the bus. As he got close I felt a hand on my shoulder and I turned around to see “Rusty”. Rusty told me to sit down and he walked right up to the boy. He asked the boy if he wanted him to beat the crap out of him now or later. From that moment on I became infatuated with Rusty. He was my hero and I loved him.

Fast forward 10 years and we got married. Yes, I married my step brother. So we grew up in a pretty rural area and after 10 year of marriage, Rusty got a job closer to the city so we moved. It was hard at first because we didn’t really know many people. We were invited to a birthday party for one of Rusty’s coworkers. It was at a bar close to where he works. I met him there after work and there were about 6 other couples at the party. We did shots and played darts well into the night. The birthday boy invited everyone to come back to his house and Rusty seemed anxious to go. Three other couples also wanted to go so we followed them in our car. The house was a bit small but it was on a large piece of land and out back was an old hot tub, which was just dropped in the middle of the property. Long story short, we found ourselves in the middle of a group of swingers. Within moments after arriving at a the house, they all stripped down and headed out to the hot tub. We were left standing inside with our mouthes open. Rusty and I were pretty buzzed and I could see he wanted to join them. I threw back another shot and agreed to strip down to my bra and panties. It was our first introduction to swinging…

Needless to say, we started to hang out with this group and over the years discovered swing clubs and have vacationed at Hedonism in Jamaica several times. We discovered the jewelry in Jamaica a few years ago and Rusty wears his necklace every day, never really takes it off.

Last week we went back home to celebrate my parent’s anniversary. After dinner Rusty and I went out to the local bar to shoot some pool. This is pretty much the only place to go within about 25 miles of where we live so anyone who lives in that area comes to this place for a night out. We were in the middle of a game when a couple approached us and asked if they could join in. I look up and was shocked to see the bully from the bus. He did not recognize me but I knew it was him. Rusty did not seem to realize who he was and invited them to play. He had gotten very tall and was actually a good looking man! We had a few more drinks and I told him who I was. He had no recollection of the incident and Rusty said it was a long time ago, we were kids. He turned to me and said quietly, “I think I deserve a spanking for what I did, you up for it?” I couldn’t believe how my body was betraying me as I felt that electric tingle between my legs. Long story short: they saw Rusty’s necklace and they are also in the lifestyle. We went home with them and had sex all night long. It was incredible!

I hope I didn’t ramble on too much, I’m told I do that!

Thanks for listening (and for the beautiful jewelry!)

Chrissy and Rusty

Covington, GA

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Is it possible to love the lifestyle but not like to swing?

Couple at a swing club wearing Partners ID jewelry
Couple at a swing club wearing Partners ID jewelry

 

 

 

Is it possible to love the lifestyle but not like to swing?

This is a question I have been asked more times than I can remember.  It must be confusing to people who are not in the lifestyle.  Perhaps the best way to consider this question is to break it down.  If you are a swinger, then you are in the lifestyle.  However, if you are in the lifestyle, it does not mean you swing.  Make sense?  The confusion probably stems from the fact that people use the word swinger and lifestyle interchangeably, but they really shouldn’t.

People who swing, engage in sexual activity (not necessarily intercourse) with people with whom they are not in a relationship.  Swingers are usually married or in a committed relationship and they play when their significant other is present (most of the time) or has given their consent to play without them.

Enjoying a free and open way of life defines people in the lifestyle.   They might be married or in a committed relationship and often spend time at events which include swingers.  It is common for couples who are in the lifestyle to go to swing clubs, swinger conventions, swinger hotels and take cruises with swingers on board.  Some are simply naturists, others might be into fetish or BDSM, many are voyeurs, some might be transgender or transvestites, some are polygamists, etc.

Why would people want to spend time with swingers if they themselves do not swing?

That’s a good question, so let’s consider why this might be.  Let’s say it is a typical Saturday night and you and your spouse decide you want to go out dancing.  Naturally the best place to dance would be a night club.  You choose a club either because of where it is located or because you have heard good things about it.  You get dressed up and head out for the evening.  You arrive, pay the doorman and head inside. The place is packed with many attractive and mostly very young people. There are couples dancing and sitting at the bar drinking. You spot a bunch of single girls throwing back shots on a couch and a couple of single guys watching them. You walk up to the bar, get drinks for you and your wife and try to find a place to sit down. You can’t find any empty seating area so you stand. A song comes on that you like so you put your drinks on the bar and head over to the dance floor. You dance a few songs, then return to the bar. Hmm. Is it safe to drink the drinks you left on the bar? You look around and nobody is paying any attention to you or your drinks. Better to buy a new one.   Luckily, after standing around for a few hours a seat opens up on a couch so you and your wife sit down and smile at the others seated near you.  They look at you like you’re nuts and turn their attention back to their partner.   The dj is pretty good so you head back out to the dance floor.  It’s hard to move because the dance floor is crowded with young people standing around talking and taking selfies.  A young man around the same age as your son flirts with your wife when she accidentally bumps into him.  His girlfriend looks your wife up and down and points her out to her friend.  They wonder loudly why she is dressed so slutty.  After a few hours of this, you head home. Boy, that was fun.

Now you go to a swing club the following weekend.  Let us pretend you have never been to this club before and you don’t know anyone who goes there.  After stopping at the desk to get a membership, the manager takes you on a tour of the club.  He might even stop and introduce you to some couples along the way.  He brings you to the bar and explains to the bartender that it is your first night in the club.  You give your bottle to the bartender and she pours you your drinks.  The place is crowded so you walk around to get a feel for it.  As you walk by a big seating area with couches a couple says hello.  They tell you there is room on the couch where they are if you want to sit.  They introduce themselves and ask you where you’re from.  A song comes on that you like and you look down at your drinks.  They tell you not to worry, they will watch the drinks for you while you dance.  When you are done dancing the two of you pick up your drinks and head over to the bar for a refill.  Your wife is waiting behind you when the girl seated at the bar compliments her on her shoes.  They start to talk and next thing you know you are chatting with a group sitting at the bar.

So far, which club sounds like more fun?  When vanilla people question me about swing clubs I always explain it like this:  A swing club is a place where couples go to meet other couples (or singles).  The people are friendly and open to meeting new people.  The majority of couples in any swing club are regular customers.  They might not be there every night or every weekend but it is a place they frequent.  When they walk through the door they are looking to have a fun night talking and dancing (maybe more) with other couples.  A regular club is a place where many single people go to meet other singles.  When a couple is there, they are isolated.  Nobody is at a regular night club looking to meet another couple (unless they are swingers).

So let’s return to the question about why someone might like the lifestyle but not like to swing.  The atmosphere in any lifestyle event is so much different from any other type of event, that once you have experienced it, you do not want to be out.  The friendly people, the non judgmental atmosphere, the fun times!  You really cannot compare this to anything else.  When you walk into a swing club, nobody will judge you.  It does not matter how old you are, how tall you are, how overweight you are, what you are wearing or where you are from.  People are open to meeting new people and rarely do I see people alienate others for any reason other than their behavior.

Many people enter the lifestyle with the intention of swinging.  Many couples do find that they enjoy swinging and that becomes their primary focus when attending lifestyle events.  Not everyone who tries swinging, however, actually enjoys it.  There are many people, both men and women, who discover that although their partners like to swing, they do not.  This seems to create confusion for couples.  I have heard many men ask how it is possible for their wives to say they like the lifestyle when they refuse to swing.  The answer seems obvious to me.  They like the sexy atmosphere, the sexy clothing and shoes and the open dialogue between couples.  Many women have said they like to have sex amongst other swingers, they just prefer not to join in.   Many people in the lifestyle are voyeurs and that would account for some of these people.  As for the others, playing side by side another couple and actually swapping, are two very different things.  Some people discover that they like every aspect of swinging with the exception of actually playing with other people.  They prefer to play with their own partner while still appearing to be swinging.

As most swingers figure out over time, every couple is different and what is good for one couple, might not be good for another.  As usual, the best course of action is to be upfront and honest, both with your partner, and other swingers.  This way, everyone is on the same page and there are no surprises!  So I guess it is possible to love the lifestyle but not like to swing!

 

A unicorn explains why she is in the lifestyle and what she is looking for.

Unicorn wearing Partners ID jewelry
Unicorn wearing Partners ID jewelry

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

This blog was written for Partners ID by Kennedy M., a single woman in the lifestyle.

Most swingers prefer to keep the fact that they are in the lifestyle to themselves.  At times it can be challenging, especially when we find ourselves in situations that are hard to explain.  Imagine how hard it would be for vanilla people to wrap their minds around a unicorn!

Not long ago, while taking notes in a board room for an important client, I received an email with a subject line that said it was an important message from Joe (a close friend’s name).  I was busy and did not look at the return email address.  As soon as we took a break for a few minutes I scrolled down and clicked on it.  To my surprise there was a close up picture of a black man’s dick.  Before I could click delete, a male coworker was standing behind my chair asking if that was my new boyfriend.

When I am not blogging about my lifestyle experiences I have a job that is quite vanilla; complete with meetings in board rooms and client lunches.  For obvious reasons, I do not discuss my private life where I work.  When colleagues ask what I did over the weekend, I usually tell them, “The usual; a movie, some dinner” etc.  I am single and the company I work for would be horrified if they really knew how I spend my weekends.

I am a unicorn, a single girl in the swinger lifestyle, for those who do not know the term.

I did not discover swinging alone, but found myself single after a lengthy relationship in which we were a swinging couple.  I was very much in love with my boyfriend and was heart broken when he ended it with little explanation.

I am not soured by this nor do I hate men.  I am, however, wary of putting my heart out there again in fear that I will find myself in the same situation.

When I was finally ready to go back out after the breakup, I returned to a place where I felt very comfortable in the past.  My former boyfriend and I were swing club rats and spent at least two nights a week in our local establishment.  We had a nice circle of lifestyle friends, many of whom had reached out to me after the break up.

My first night out alone was a little bit scary.  I was unsure how I would be received by some of the women.  I knew I was not looking to intrude on anyone’s relationship but would they know that?  I had never really known any unicorn but had heard some women speaking poorly about them in the past.  I did not want that to be me.

For the most part, the women were happy to see me and welcomed me with open arms.  One or two seemed a bit uncomfortable with all the attention the men lavished upon me (which I in no way sought out but as most unicorns will admit, it is hard to avoid).

The first few times I went to the club I felt a little awkward.  I needed people to make me feel like I belonged there.  It didn’t take long for couples (some I knew, some I did not) to ask me to join them in the back room.  After a period of time I started receiving invitations to parties.  I also started having men ask me to accompany them to the club when their wives were out of town.   I have always declined to do this but I do know other unicorns who have no problem with this.   Although I knew why I was there, I wasn’t sure others understood why I chose to make a swing club my night life of choice.  I overheard women asking each other what exactly I was looking for.

I will tell you “what I was, and still am, looking for.”  I love to dance, I love to dress sexy and I love to have fun.  I like to meet new people and I love to have sex; both with men and with women.  I like the comfort and the warmth of the lifestyle.  It’s a great place to go to as you do not need a date, or to make plans with others.  You just show up and hang with the people who are there.  You can spend an amazing night, have great sex and kiss the other people goodnight.  I can go home and sleep alone in my bed.  Nobody to answer to.  I can stay until 12 midnight or go home at 4am.  I can do what I want with no strings attached.  If I am looking for some one on one time, there are always single guys who are more than willing to spend the evening with a unicorn.  The best part is, I do not have to be alone with them.  We can choose a private room to play but I am not in a scary situation with a stranger.  If I want to be with a couple, no problem.  If I want a gang bang, that’s my choice.  The best part for me is that I leave alone.  I am not looking for a boyfriend or a husband or anything else.  I am looking for a good time.  That’s it, that’s all.  I can not speak for every unicorn as we are all individuals.  I have gotten to know a few who spend time in this swing club and we are not all on the same page.  I will not go into the back room with someone else’s husband if she is not in the club to approve.  Most of the other girls have no problem with that.  I also will not date a married man with or without the wife’s permission.  I will only play with someone’s husband if she is present, but even then, I prefer to make it a threesome.  Most unicorns I have met don’t really have any rules.  They are out for themselves and offer no apologies for what they do.  They prefer to be alone for a variety of reasons and although they love the attention they get in the clubs, for the most part, they are not looking for anything more than a good time.

I have tried to imagine how I would feel if there was a unicorn around when my boyfriend and I were together at the club.  We did not really know of any at that time so it is hard to say.  If unicorns are respectful of other’s relationships then there should never be a problem.  I would suggest making sure that if you choose this route you pay a lot of attention to the women.  If you are flirting with their husband and ignoring them, this will be a problem for sure.  Since you have no one to offer to them, you must flirt with them as a couple.  Always try to put yourself in the woman’s shoes and ask yourself how you would feel if the situation were reversed.

Unicorns are a great addition to the lifestyle if they understand the rules of the game.  Some think they are the stars of the club because they get a lot of attention.  Perhaps it would be better to just think of yourself as another component to the lifestyle.  Although we bring an added element to the lifestyle, the lifestyle could easily exist without us.

Nobody ever asks what single men are looking for in the club.  Why the double standard?  It seems a question I hear often regarding unicorns.   I am looking for sex just like they are.  I just happen to prefer the no strings attached variety.  I don’t want you to call me in the morning.  Really, I don’t.  More often that not, I also don’t want to play with you again.  It was fun once but I am not looking to repeat the experience regardless of how awesome it might have been.  I am not looking for you to cuddle with me or tell me how beautiful I am.  Please do not tell me about your problems and I will not bother you with mine.  The truth is, I don’t really care, I just want to enjoy my night out.

I do like to try new things and am very open minded.  Sometimes that seems to make some women feel  a little threatened.  I am not a slut or a whore because I am a sexual person.  When I was in a relationship I did not feel as free to explore things as I do now.  Perhaps that is why it is hard for you to relate, but that doesn’t really give you the right to judge.

People have asked me many times why I am not out looking for someone of my own.  It is a valid question but again, I am enjoying being by myself.  When I am ready to be in a relationship, I can assure you I will not be fishing for someone in a swing club.  Perhaps one day I will meet a nice single guy at a lifestyle event but who knows.  For now, I am very happy to be a unicorn and have no plans to change that any time soon.

 

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