Halloween in the lifestyle; why wearing a costume could help make your night the best ever!

Sexy swinger dressed for Halloween with Partners ID necklace
Sexy swinger dressed for Halloween with Partners ID necklace

Boo!

Today is Halloween!  What are you planning to dress up as this year?  A policeman, Little Red Ridinghood maybe a schoolgirl?

People frequently ask us what we will be dressed as for Halloween.  Naturally our answer is always the same; swingers of course!  No, we are not party poopers and we have come up with some pretty clever costume ideas over the years.  What we have noticed, is that there are many people who take this opportunity to dress up in a way that makes them unrecognizable to others.  We believe that there is a reason they do this.
Some people in the lifestyle are extremely outgoing and have no problem approaching other couples.  Every chance they get, they mingle and flirt and generally know most of the people at any  party by the end of the evening.  Then there are others who are too shy or insecure to approach other couples.  This holiday is the perfect opportunity for them to come out of their shells by hiding behind a costume.
Think about it, if you are wearing a mask and people cannot identify you, do you not feel bolder?   If you approach a couple and you are wearing a mask, chances are they will be very friendly because they are not sure whether or not they know you.  This is exactly what we have observed occurring every Halloween.  There are always a few couples wearing the kind of costume that makes it impossible to guess who they are.  It is very possible that some of these masked guests are new to the lifestyle. They are taking the opportunity to visit a swing club and remain anonymous.

Whatever the case, if you are one of those “shy” people, perhaps this is the perfect time for you to take advantage and go after what you want!  There are women in the lifestyle who always wear a wig when they are at a lifestyle event.  They claim they have more confidence because people do not recognize them and they like it that way.  Costumes are also a good conversation starter.  Complimenting others on how clever they are or how perfect their costume is makes it easy to open the dialogue.  Once you have begun a conversation it is easy to introduce yourselves and ask the other couple questions about themselves.

 The other interesting part of dressing up for Halloween is noticing costume choices.  I cannot help but observe that some of the quieter more shy couples take advantage of this holiday by wearing outrageous costumes.  Some choose the very provocative, sexy costumes.  Many of the timid girls tend to go for the slutty look and the men frequently focus on calling attention to their genitals in one way or another.  It always makes me wonder if they wish they could be more sexually open on regular lifestyle nights.
Even the play areas during Halloween seem busier than usual.  Many couples keep their masks on, and again, seem more determined than usual, to go after what they what.  Somehow, the use of masks in the play area is reminiscent of the movie Eyes Wide Shut ( a 1999 erotic drama film) starring Tom Cruise.
Whatever the case may be, whatever your costume of choice, tonight is the night to be bold and go for what you want.  Costumes allow us all the freedom to be someone else for an evening.  What could be more liberating than that?www.s
Don’t forget to wear your lifestyle jewelry so even though others might not recognize you, they will recognize your jewelry!  Find it here:  https://www.swingersjewelry.net

Turns out, a Maryland cop who stopped our customer​ is a swinger too!

Woman with Partners ID bracelet taking a card from a policeman
Woman with Partners ID bracelet taking a card from a policeman

We read all of your stories about how people have met other swingers by wearing your jewelry and I want to share what happened to me.

I purchased a bracelet from you a few months ago but don’t wear it all of the time. I usually wear it when we go out at night to pubs and such but never thought to wear it during the day.

Last weekend we went out with some swinger friends and had a bit too much to drink. We were in no condition to drive home so we all piled into a cab and went to our friend’s house for the night. The next morning, my hubby and his buddy were busy doing some work around his buddy’s house so I asked his wife to please drive me back to the pub to pick up our car.

Before heading back to get my hubby, I stopped at the pharmacy to pick up some aspirin as my head was pounding from all of the alcohol. I was driving back toward my friend’s house when all of the sudden I see the flashing blue lights behind me. I pulled over and waited for the cop to tell me what the hell I did wrong. He walks over and tells me I was doing 72 mph in a 40 mph zone. Oops! My bad! I hadn’t even realized I was driving that fast. He asks me for my license and registration and when I reach out of the window to hand it to him he starts to smile. I have no idea what his problem is but I’m happy to see him smiling! He puts his hand in his pocket and pulls out a set of keys and there was the key ring with the pendant on it! How lucky am I???

Needless to say, he did not give me a ticket but did tell me about a swing club about 40 miles away that he goes to with his girlfriend. He gave me his card and said if my hubby and I would like to meet them at this club one night to text him and let him know.

I am going to text him soon and set up a date to meet him (he was very cute), but more importantly, I didn’t get a ticket!

I now consider this my lucky bracelet! Had I not stayed over at a friend’s house the night before, I would not have been wearing it!  I now wear the bracelet all the time because you really never know!

Hope it brings everyone else as much luck as it has brought me!

xoxox
Tammie

Baltimore, MD

Maybe your neighbors are swingers and you just don’t know!

This is an email we received from one of our customers, which was printed with permission.

My wife and I bought your jewelry while visiting a club in Canada about a year ago.  We wear it mostly when we go out nights when we are hoping to meet other swingers.  Although people have complimented us on the jewelry, no one has ever asked what it means.

We went to a friend’s birthday party at a big club recently and thinking ‘you never know,’ we both wore our jewelry.  We partied late into the night and with the long drive, arrived home much later than usual. 

As usual, as soon as we walked into the house, my wife put the leash on our dog and went outside to walk her.   She was surprised when our neighbors from down the street turned into their driveway.  It was almost 4 o’clock in the morning!

She walked toward their house because there is an empty lot next door and that is where everyone walks their dogs.  A few minutes later, the male neighbor came walking toward her with his little dog in tow.  As it was just the two of them, they said hello and made small talk about the dogs.  

The neighbor mentioned that he often walked his dog late at night but had never bumped into anyone.  My wife told him we had just returned from a party that was a good distance away.  The neighbor was acting a little strange and she could not figure out why.  

He told her that they often stay out this late because they spend their weekends at a club that is open until 4 am.  Then he smiled at her and said, “You and her husband would like this club.  If you decide to check it out, wear your necklace.”

At this point I was concerned that she was still outside and went to check on her.  As I walked up the street I was surprised to see her talking to one of our neighbors.  We do not know most of our neighbors and although I know where this man lives, we have never spoken with him or his wife.

As I got closer to them, I was relieved to hear her laughing.   I was about to turn and walk back home when she called me over.  

My wife introduced me to our neighbor and told me that they were discussing her necklace.  I was afraid to say anything as I didn’t know what she had told him.  He immediately relayed the information about the swing club he and his wife visit every weekend.  The neighbor said his wife has a pair of earrings with the pendant and he knows what it means.

We have been living on the same street for 5 years and had never spoken with them before.  Next weekend they are picking us up at 8:30 and we are going to a swing club with them.  Does it get any better than this?

I have to be honest, that after wearing the jewelry for almost a year, we weren’t sure that we would ever meet people.  Now we have not only made contact because of the jewelry, but discovered our neighbors are swingers too!   This has become such an incredibly fun situation for us all!  

I did meet his wife that night and we had a drink at 4 in the morning with them.  We left it at that for now, with the hope of this becoming more in the future.  

This has added so much excitement to our lives!  I look forward to this weekend and many more!

I just wanted to tell you our story and thank you!

R & M

Spring Hill, TN

Clearly nobody told swingers that age 37 is too old to go to a night club!

Couples in night club wearing Partners ID jewelry

Over breakfast this morning, as is my habit, I scanned online articles looking for one of interest.   I came across an article discussing how old the writer believes is too old to go to a nightclub.   Wondering just how shocked I would find the answer, I opened it up and scrolled down to find the magic number.

Ok, play along and think of what age this survey came up with. I will admit, this number came as a bit of shock to me. Ready?  Surprisingly, the age was 37!   The article explains that people over the age of 37 are too old to go to a nightclub.  It goes on to say that the majority of people over the age of 30 would simply prefer to stay home.

Obviously, these people are not in the lifestyle. Not only the ones who are too old at 37 to go clubbing but also the ones over 30 who prefer to stay home. For those of you who are not in the lifestyle, I can assure you that neither of these statistics applies to swing clubs.

In light of these statistics, clearly, swingers did not get this memo.  The majority of people at a swing club are over the age of 40.  Although there are many people under age 40, they do not make up the majority.

Why are swing clubs so appealing to the “older crowd”?  In the past, swing clubs were the playgrounds for older, married couples.  Today, with this group of people who feel too old for night clubs, this has completely changed.

Due to the above finding, perhaps seeking out an age-appropriate alternative is what forces people to look for something different.  This is understandable, but why go to a swing club, especially if you are not a swinger?

For those who have been to a swing club, the difference is clear immediately.  First of all, people in swing clubs are friendly. It is very easy to meet other people. I can’t say the same about a night club. Most night clubs are filled with very young people who prefer to take selfies than to mingle.

Swing clubs are designed to provide maximum comfort for their customers. In a nightclub, it can be very difficult to get a drink. It seems they never have an adequate number of bartenders to serve their customers. Swing clubs often boast more than one bar and generally have attendants serving customers from their seats around the club. No need to fight the crowds to get a drink.
In general, swing clubs offer dinner and some even serve breakfast, which is included in the price of entry. Many swing clubs require you to bring your own bottle. This means your drinks are made exactly how you like them.  Unlike most bars and clubs, no skimping on the liquor as the bottle belongs to you.

Swing clubs are always members-only clubs. This allows them to have every guest register at the front desk with their identification. It’s comforting to know that there are no strangers.

The majority of swing clubs have theme nights and party nights. This creates an atmosphere of cohesion and celebration. There are also contests and often raffles and giveaways. Swing clubs work hard to bring people together and they make it easy each other.

For the most part, swing clubs attract people who are looking to meet others. Most people are friendly and warm. It is not uncommon for people to offer to make room on a couch to allow more people to squeeze in. Night clubs are not known for their warm and fuzzy atmosphere, while swing clubs are.

Obviously, swing clubs are more erotic and sexual than a regular night club. Although you will see some degree of sexy dancing and interacting at a nightclub, you cannot compare that to what you can see in a swing club. The main difference is that the interactions are often between couples.

With this in mind,  if the twenty-something crowd spent a night in a swing club, they would age out sooner. Swing clubs allow people to enjoy themselves without judgment. You can dress as sexy as you like at any age without judgment from others. If you watch the dance floor, you will see couples joining each other mid-dance and couples bringing singles in to join them as well.

Swing clubs boast an atmosphere of inclusion and warmth. It is kind of a hands-on “Cheers” environment. It’s a place where if you are a regular, everybody knows your name. Unlike most clubs, strangers are met with a hug or a kiss.

In view of this,  why would anyone choose a night club? And I only talked about what happens in the front of the club….

Be sure to check out our lifestyle jewelry here:  https://www.swingersjewelry.net/jewelry-for-swingers/

This is the only way to know who else is in the lifestyle without having to ask…

The lifestyle is not a cult, we do not recruit people. Is this what our vanilla friends are afraid of?

Friend backing up

Most people who are in the lifestyle go to great lengths to keep it a secret.  They do not want to reveal this to family, friends or coworkers. People in the lifestyle would agree that the majority of people in their lives would not understand. 

This is not hard to believe as people can be very judgmental, especially about things that they do not understand.  What I cannot wrap my head around are the stories about the way “friends” react if they are told.

I have heard many stories about people who told a close friend and the friend turned their back.  Some prior friends go as far as to spread the word to others, while some simply ostracize the individual or couple who divulge their secret. 

The first thing that comes to mind is the fact that these people clearly thought these were close, trustworthy friends.  Nobody goes around mentioning this kind of private detail about their life to mere acquaintances. 

It makes me think about my friends; what could they tell me about themselves that would make me turn my back on them?  That they murdered someone?  That they destroyed someone’s life?  Stole someone’s money?  Hurt someone’s children?  Whatever it might be, it would have to be something really horrific.  

How many times have people revealed to a friend that they were having an affair?  I don’t recall hearing that their friends deserted them when they were told.  Why then is it acceptable to reject a friend for a lifestyle choice that he or she has made?  

The lifestyle is not a cult, we do not recruit people.  Is that what people are afraid of?  That we will try to convert them? Do people imagine that swingers have no self -control and they will hit on everyone they know?  That our friends are no longer safe around us because we cannot control our desire for sex?

Honestly, when you think about it, it makes no sense.  Why have we evolved so much in every other arena when it comes to accepting human sexuality, except for swingers?  People applaud transgender people for opening up and doing what is right for them.  The gay and lesbian community is stronger than ever and they no longer feel the need to hide.  Heck, NY has a list of 33 acceptable genders and people are not ok with swingers?  

I once asked a friend (yes, she knows we are in the lifestyle and she is still my friend.  She is also a psychologist) if she has any idea as to what it is that makes people so afraid.  I say afraid because I honestly have no other explanation for the way people react to swingers.  

She believes that most people are so insecure about their own lives and relationships that the thought of opening themselves up to others was too much to think about.  Her belief is that it is probably more often a female friend who turns their back while men might become curious.  All of the sudden, a close female friend is sexualizing herself and an insecure woman might  see this as a threat to her own relationship.  The fear is that if  her husband or boyfriend knows, he will find this friend suddenly more appealing.  

Whether or not this is always the case, it makes some sense.  Whatever the reason might be, it is rare that friends who are not in the lifestyle will remain in your life if they discover.  Not today anyway, but hopefully in the future people will gain an understanding and an acceptance.  It really is time.

The black rings are back in stock! Come check out all of our lifestyle jewelry here: https://www.swingersjewelry.net/jewelry-for-swingers/

The lifestyle is not for everyone but if you don’t try it, how will you know?

Couple new to the lifestyle wearing Partners ID Lifestyle Jewelry

Our venture into the lifestyle; what we learned about ourselves and others.

Life is short, life is precious, life is a gift.  We have all heard this many times before.  It is something we often say or think about when we hear of someone dying.  Whether the person was sick or it was a  sudden event, it makes us promise to live life to the fullest because we never know what the future holds.  This seems especially true given today’s climate.  

What exactly is living life to the fullest?  In my opinion, it means living without regrets.  It means doing the things that make us happy.  Nobody wants to find themselves at the end of their life wishing they had done something but were too afraid.  It would seem at that point you would wonder what, exactly, you were afraid of.  

This makes me think of the lifestyle and our decision to see what it was all about.  When we pushed the door open to a swing club for the very first time, we had no idea what lay on the other side.  In our minds, it was simply to be one evening to placate our curiosity.  It would be one more thing to cross off our bucket list.  Something that we could say we were proud to have done in our lives because it was outside of our comfort zone. 

Even if our first night at a swing club had not been enjoyable (or even positive), I do believe we would have no regrets.  The fact that we had taken the risk to try something different would be a plus in our memory banks.  It might even give us something to laugh about if things went awry.

That, however, did not happen.  It turned out that in our quest to remember to live life to the fullest, we had found something wonderful.  Behind the doors to that first swing club was nothing we had prepared ourselves for.  What had started out as an evening of fun, turned into a completely new lifestyle.  

What we discovered that first night in a swing club is that once you cross the threshold, you belong.  Everyone is welcome in the lifestyle.  People do not discriminate against others.  There is no concern regarding race, religion, sexual orientation, age, etc.  If you are friendly, people in the lifestyle will accept you.  

The lifestyle has taught us so much about living life to the fullest.  People in the lifestyle are looking for fun.  Many couples we have met, have raised their family and are ready to focus on themselves.  An afternoon or an evening spent with lifestyle friends is always sure to be a party.  It is a group of people who are looking to enjoy their lives.  The lifestyle attracts a variety of people who come from different backgrounds, cultures and races.  What brings these people together is their desire to have a good time.  Every night in a swing club is like New Year’s Eve; it is festive and upbeat.  

The lifestyle has taught us about commitment and communication.  It gave me clarity about the difference between love and sex and how the two are not mutually exclusive.  

It teaches you that simply because you find someone attractive or charming, it does not mean you want to spend your life with them.  The same applies to your partner.  It is ok for them to find another person attractive.  Even if they have great sex together, it does not mean they want anything more.  You have fun, say goodbye and go home with your partner to your life.  

Having the opportunity to explore both your sexuality and your fantasies is very liberating.  When you share this with your partner there is no reason to cheat.  When you have everything you want at home, why would you seek it elsewhere? 

Obviously, this is not all that is on my bucket list but it is something for which  I will be forever grateful.  For us, this is living life to its fullest. Spending every free night at dinner or a movie was not something that either of us really enjoyed.  Rather than becoming complacent and discontent, we did something about it.  

The lifestyle is not for everyone but if you don’t try it, how will you know? 

Le Club L; worthy of a special trip to Montreal!

 

Le Club L, Canada

Imagine stepping into a club which is illuminated by soft lighting and glistening colors of pink and blue. Sophisticated white leather sofas and gorgeous side tables strategically surrounding a dance floor. An elegant white stone bar with comfortable bar stools and beautiful bartenders waiting to pour your favorite drink. Beautiful couples waiting to meet you and get to know you. An atmosphere which pulsates with the promise of a night to remember. Welcome to Le Club L…

It is rare that a physical space can actually evoke a sensual feeling. This club has a vibe, unlike any other club we have visited. The sheer beauty of this club is overwhelming.

When the doors open to the interior of the club, it is impossible not to stop and try to take it all in. The vast three-story interior forces you to gaze up at the titillating colors that shimmer from the playrooms on the top floor. Beautiful hues of blues, greens, and pinks teasing you to come upstairs and investigate these gorgeous promises of late-night play.

The architecture of this prior bank building is impossible to ignore but it is the transformation that is most remarkable. The incorporation of the historic with the new makes this space spectacular.

The intricate details of this club’s interior are worthy of mention in Architectural Digest. The wrought iron banisters which glide easily up the circular staircase, the soft texture of the pillowy leather-clad walls, the colors which look like delicious candy. It all adds up to a seduction of the senses.

True to the club’s European style is a restaurant on the second floor which resembles a French cafe. The menu has many tempting tapas and meal choices which are perfect for this type of venue. It was a special treat to be able to watch the bar crowd and dance floor while we enjoyed a variety of delicious dishes.

Le Club L _ Montreal

This beautiful club is located in the fabulous city of Montreal and we believe it should be on your list of places to visit. For those of you who do not think of Canada as a sexy destination, think again! Unlike in most cities and states in the US, swinging is legal throughout Canada. This could be one of the reasons why Canadians are so open-minded!
Another perk to consider: when traveling to Canada: how strong the US dollar is versus the Canadian dollar. The currency exchange between the two countries weighs heavily in favor of the US. The current exchange rate between the Canadian and American currency is close to 35%. This means you get a lot more for your money in Canada!

Having heard so many wonderful things about Le Club El, we decided to visit on a Saturday night while vacationing in Montreal.

The club was easy to find and we were given a warm greeting by the woman in the reception area. We were delighted to learn that Le Club L offers a free one-night membership card to all non-residents of Quebec!

After the reception area, we were greeted by a gentleman who offered us a tour of the club. As soon as the door was opened and we stepped inside, we were stunned by the beauty of the club. The transformation of this former bank, with its spectacular lighting and posh updating, makes this club a must-see!

Kudos to the owners of this beautiful new establishment for their exquisite taste and this bold endeavor. They are not the only game in town, and another well-known club is not more than one mile away.

As soon as we entered the club we were greeted with warm smiles and introductions. The bartenders were quick to serve our drinks and when we spotted a cozy restaurant upstairs, we were excited to try the food. The menu offers an enticing array of choices starting with tapas and ending with desserts. The waitress was very friendly and the food was delicious!

The crowd was classy, attractive and friendly. We never felt like outsiders and it was easy to mingle. The music was upbeat and current, which kept the dance floor moving throughout the evening.

Le Club L - Back Room

After midnight we moved upstairs, which is where the rather large and interesting labyrinth of play areas are situated. Guests are not required to remove their clothing to enter, which is more common than not in Canada. The play area consists of many rooms to choose from, all of which boast clean sheets, condoms, and wipes. If a small, intimate room does not appeal to you, the original table from the former bank’s conference room remains intact and ready to be played upon.

The play area is well tended to by an employee who changes the sheets as guests finish playing. There are shades and doors which allow for privacy if so desired. An added benefit is the perfect temperature, which ensures that the guests will be comfortable both while clothed and when undressed.

Remember the name: Le Club L. It should be on your list of clubs to visit. Montreal is a beautiful city and now has even more to offer! If you are in the lifestyle and are looking to incorporate some lifestyle fun into your next vacation, definitely visit this club. You won’t be disappointed!

For more information about Le Club L, visit their website here:  http://www.leclubl.com

Don’t forget to wear your lifestyle jewelry when traveling to Canada!  Find your’s here: https://www.swingersjewelry.net/jewelry-for-swingers/ 

The pitfalls of relying on social media to meet other swingers.

Couple text messaging wearing Partners ID jewelry

Social media has become a way of life for most people. We have email, instant messaging, apps, and text messaging at our fingertips. When we wanted to communicate in the past, we picked up a phone and called someone. Now it has become much easier and more popular to just shoot a message to someone.

With this surge in the use of nonverbal communication, has come some problems. When we speak in person, others can hear our intonations as we speak. They can hear our excitement, our anger, and if we pause, they can rethink what they said and try to explain on the spot.  When we read a message, at times, we misinterpret what the writer is trying to convey to us.

How does this affect swingers looking for other swingers?

Simply put, when a couple is attempting to communicate with another couple and they rely on a messaging platform, things they write can be misconstrued. It becomes especially touchy when these couples have never met. Sometimes a person has a sense of humor that they try to convey in their messages. If you don’t know that this person is sarcastic, for example, you might misinterpret them as being arrogant. A person who is shy might come across as being disinterested. Perhaps one couple is very busy and so there can be a long delay between messages. If English is the person’s second language, their writing might be seen as a lack of intelligence or education. In any case, the couples might decide against meeting each other for reasons that are not valid.

The other problem that is rampant, is many couple’s disregard for the truth. The number one complaint seems to be the outdated photos that many couples choose to post. Regardless of how attractive and fit you were ten years ago, that no longer represents what you look like today.

If you are afraid that people will not be attracted by your current photos, this is not a reason to post old ones. After all, you will eventually meet in person and the first thing they will notice is that you do not look like your pictures. Many people say that they do this because although they might not like their pictures, they are sure they can win over another couple if they meet in person. The truth is, it does not work like this. We have heard many couples talk about how when they spotted the couple they had arranged to meet and realized they did not look like their photos, they turned around and left.

Some other problems with swinger profiles are lying about age and not being truthful about what you are looking for. If you do not have experience or are not totally comfortable with swapping, be honest. At some point, all of your lies will become apparent to the couples that you meet.  This makes it awkward for everyone. Don’t shave 10 years off of your age and then be surprised when the couple who agrees to meet you is not interested. Don’t expect another couple to “take it slow” if you have written that you are full swap and have tons of experience. Honesty goes a long way in making encounters successful and enjoyable. You will find couples to match with if you let them know who you really are.

Face-time and Skype have given us the ability to chat live.  Perhaps this is the best way to be sure that the couple in the pictures look the same in person. This also allows you to speak in “real-time” and avoid the problems that messaging can cause. Let’s not forget that in some areas, people have to travel quite a distance to meet each other. Remote areas that do not have a swing club or any other lifestyle events tend to be more reliant on technology.  This causes them to be dependent upon messaging.

When messaging with other couples just remember how many times your chats with family and friends have been misunderstood. Not because of what you wrote necessarily, but rather the way the reader interpreted what you meant to say or how you meant to say it. Give people the benefit of the doubt and always try to connect either by video chat or on the phone. This allows you the comfort of hearing what someone is saying and how they are saying it.

One of the other problems facing those who are dependent upon technology is having to a total stranger.  As many swingers will attest, they often “meet” people online who either drag out the process of an in-person meet or don’t show up to arranged meetings. That leaves the couple wondering what went wrong.  There are many people who seem to get off solely from the correspondence of another couple.  They pretend to be interested strictly for the thrill.  There was never any intent to meet.

One of the best pieces of advice for couples who find themselves struggling with flakes and no shows is to insist on meeting early on.  Don’t prolong the process of getting to know someone over texts or emails.  After one or two emails or phone calls, set up a day and a time to meet.  This will prevent you from wasting time with people who have no real interest in actually meeting in person.

When a person or couple finally agrees to meet, the smartest place to meet is a coffee shop.  There is no time or money commitment here and most people agree that within the first five minutes they know if they have any interest.   Wasting an entire evening meeting someone for dinner can be a disaster if you don’t like them.

Don’t forget to use common sense.  If something feels wrong or you get a bad feeling, back up.  Not everyone is honest or has good intentions.  Just like in regular dating, pay attention to what your gut tells you.

Most importantly, have fun.  Swinging is supposed to be fun.  This is not a job, but a lifestyle!  For most people, the time and energy put into finding other couples eventually pays off.

Have you tried wearing our lifestyle jewelry?  Many swingers have found each other simply by spotting others with our jewelry.  Check it out here:  www.swingerjewelry.net/jewelry-for-swingers/

Finding a condom you didn’t know you lost! How can one little condom cause so much trouble?!

Woman holding condom wearing Partners ID  black ring

There are some things that only swingers can relate to. There are situations that we find ourselves in that vanilla people simply cannot imagine.

We recently returned from a trip where we spent a few days partying with a group of lifestyle friends. The days were spent on a secluded beach and the nights were spent running between the jacuzzi and the den of a rented townhome. We drank a lot and had a lot of sex.

Upon my return home, my phone reminded me of my yearly gynecology exam the following morning. Everything was pretty routine until he did the internal part of the exam.

He stands up from his seat on a stool, pushes his glasses up on top of his head and looks me in the eye. “I think somebody lost something,” he said and with that holds up the forceps from which a used condom is dangling…

He knows I am married and had asked about my husband not 2 minutes before discovering the condom. To say I was mortified is a small understatement. I did not (could not) explain.

We had a house party recently and we are always very thorough in our clean up to be sure that there is nothing left behind. ( A rule I might want to consider after traveling with lifestyle friends!) We limit our guests to the family room and kitchen so that we don’t have to concern ourselves with the entire house.  The morning after the party, we checked under the couches and the couch cushions, under the coffee table and wall unit, emptied the garbage, scrubbed the bathroom, you name it. The following evening we had our children over for dinner. While we are eating my son touched something under the table and lifted the table cloth to see what was on the floor. Sitting on the table pedestal was a pair of men’s shoes. I don’t know how we missed them but we did. He picks them up off the floor and looks at my husband. Clearly, they don’t look like the style of shoes my husband wears and the size is much larger than what he wears. Yes, I know what you’re thinking because I was thinking exactly the same thing. How does someone leave a party without their shoes? It hardly mattered at that moment because we both stared at the shoes trying to think of something to say. I had nothing, I was actually laughing to myself about how ludicrous the situation was. My husband made up some lame story about borrowing the shoes but the more he rambled on the more ridiculous the story sounded. I glanced at my children out of the corner of my eyes and could see they were not buying one word. I really can’t imagine what they were thinking.

My husband brought his car in for service recently and when he went to pick up the car they handed him a large envelope and said they had found some personal items on the floor of the car and wanted to make sure they were returned to him. He thanked them and opened the envelope while waiting for them to bring the car around. Inside were 4 pairs of crotchless panties. When he looked up from the envelope the service representative was standing there with the car keys. “I see you got your items back,” he said with a grin on his face. My husband was mortified. He imagined everyone was watching him from inside the showroom as he got into his car. He said he was sure they thought he was having sex with hookers in his car when in reality he often puts my underwear into my boots when we play at the club. I remove my boots when I get into the car often forgetting about the underwear and they get lost under the seat.

We had plans to meet some lifestyle friends for an evening of fun and I was texting my friend’s husband to remind him to bring condoms as we had forgotten to pick some up when we were out. He sent me a sexually charged text and I shot one back to him telling what I was planning to do to him that evening. I didn’t hear back from him and figured he was busy. After playing with them that evening I asked him if I did everything I promised I would do to him. He looked at me with a funny expression and asked what I was talking about. I reminded him of the text I had sent that afternoon following his text to me. He grabbed his phone and scrolled down to look for my text. He was shaking his head no, that he had never received a followup text from me. That was not a very good feeling… I felt a little nauseous as I tried to imagine who might have been the recipient of that text message. I fumbled to find my phone dreading the thought of whose name I was going to find. Well, the good news is that it was not any of our children or relatives. The bad news is that it was not another lifestyle friend. It was an old employee of mine and needless to say there is nothing I can say or do about the text. It is an older woman and quite frankly I can’t begin to imagine what she was thinking when she received it! My only hope is that I never run into her!

As one can never hear too many condom stories, after leaving the club recently in the wee hours of the morning, some friends realized that they had stayed out much later than they had planned. They had a babysitter waiting for them at home so they dressed quickly and raced out of the club. When they pulled up to the house, my friend was grabbing some things from the back seat of the car while her husband went inside to get the babysitter. As my friend walked into the house she saw her husband walking in front of the sitter as they were getting ready to leave so he could drive her home. That’s when she spotted it. There was an open condom wrapper stuck to the back of his hair. The shiny psychedelic wrapper was glittering under the foyer light, impossible to miss. She looked over at the babysitter who was staring at it with a look of horror on her face. “What on earth was I supposed to say?” my friend asked in utter distress. Needless to say, although they really like this babysitter, neither of them are willing to face her so they have no babysitter for now.

These are just a small sample of horrifying events that happen to swingers. As I have said before, swingers can find themselves in some pretty hilarious situations, learning to think fast helps!

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Ok, fine, I’m a slut, a whore and a nymphomaniac. But, you should know, I’m very satisfied!

Slutty woman in underwear wearing Partners ID belly ring
Slutty woman in underwear wearing Partners ID belly ring

Slut is a word we are all familiar with.  We heard it used a lot in high school to shame girls who had sex with too many guys.  It did not occur to me in those years that we did not have a term for the males who were doing the same thing.

I stumbled upon an article the other day which was talking about the number of sexual partners people have had over the course of their lifetime, and what it says about them.

https://onlinedoctor.superdrug.com/whats-your-number/

The article is actually quite interesting and at the same time a bit alarming. As a swinger, reading that the general population thinks that the ideal number of past sexual partners for both men and women is 7, concerns me.  Seven?! Seriously?! I know people who have sex with 7 different people in one night!

My immediate reaction to the notion that a new man in my life would want to hear that I have only slept with 7 men prior to him, was that I felt a little nauseous. I think I had slept with 7 guys before I graduated from college. What does this mean? I was (and still am) a total slut?  Probably, but lucky for me, my husband appreciates the fact that I love sex as much as he does.

I don’t think anyone would be surprised to learn that both men and women tended to change their true numbers slightly (at their own admission). Men tended to say they have had sex with more women than they actually have, while women tended to say they have had sex with less partners than they have. It is a surprise to me that in the year 2017 people are still so antiquated in their thinking. Men want to be with women who love sex, but they don’t want to be with women who have been too sexually active or who are too experienced.

Perhaps because I have been married for a long time I have lost touch with single stigmas, but come on people, this is 2017. Many people in their 50s, 60s and 70s are part of the baby boomer population. They believe in sex, drugs and rock and roll, don’t they? This generation was having sex, and a lot of it, back in the 60s and 70s. You mean to tell me they were part of this survey? I think not.

I also would have imagined that we were no longer holding women to a different standard than men. We still think men are studs when they have many conquests while women remain sluts for doing the same. We pat men on the back for their accomplishments in bed while we shake our heads in disdain at the women with whom they are doing this. Every time I think we’ve come a long way (baby) I discover that perhaps we really have not. Even the terms we are still using to describe sexually adventurous women versus men have remained unchanged in the way one degrades the woman, while the other praises the man. According to Wikipedia, the term slut is as follows:

Slut is generally a term for a woman or girl who is considered to have loose sexual morals or who is sexually promiscuous.[1][2] It is usually used as an insult, sexual slur or offensive term of disparagement (slut shaming).[2][3] It originally meant “a dirty, slovenly woman”,[2] and is rarely used to refer to men, generally requiring clarification by use of the terms male slut or man whore.

Today, the term slut has a pervasive presence in popular culture and pornography, but is almost exclusively used to describe women. An exact male equivalent of the term does not exist. The lack of a comparably popular term for men highlights the double standard in societal expectations (gender roles) between males and females, as negative terms for sexually promiscuous males are rare.[5][14]

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Slut

This is one of the reasons why swinging and the lifestyle are such wonderful outlets. Nobody is judging anyone within the lifestyle. If you love sex, good for you! Curious to try something new? This is the place! Judge free zone! Everyone is free to explore their fantasies. In all of the years that I have been in the lifestyle, I have never heard anyone put a woman down for sleeping with too many men. Even the women who like gang bangs and trains. Most people just shrug their shoulders and say whatever she’s into to, glad she’s having fun.

For swingers, the standards set by the general population do not apply. Men in the lifestyle are not really interested in women who do not want to play. People are in the lifestyle for this purpose! Sexually open women are the norm, as are the sexually adventurous women.  Men seem drawn to the women who exude sex as they are certain that it will prove to be an enjoyable experience.  As far as asking about or caring about how many sexual partners someone has had?  I’ve never heard anyone discuss this within the confines of the lifestyle. Truth is, most people would probably laugh and say, “I have no idea, I lost count!”

It fascinates me that men who are not in the lifestyle prefer women who have slept with (at most) 7 partners. They feel that more than that signifies a promiscuous woman. What the survey did not discuss was a woman’s age. What if she’s 50 and has never been married? I hope these men are open to the thought that their partner likes to masturbate. Or, open to the notion that this partner does not like sex. Either way, how do you put a number on something like this, and more importantly who are they to judge?

Women also think the magic number of previous partners for men is 7. For a man who is 25, I can see how this number is probably fair game. If the man is 40, I’m not so sure.

I think I can speak for most people in the lifestyle when I say that the number 7 made me laugh out loud when I heard it. Most real swingers who spend every weekend (and for some 1 or more nights a week) in a lifestyle venue of some sort, would probably agree that they hit that magic number often; some after a few weeks, others after a few months.

Does this make all the women in the lifestyle a bunch of sluts?  Probably to those who choose not to be in the lifestyle. What about the men? I imagine they would simply call the men in the lifestyle “lucky”. For those who are in the lifestyle, I sincerely doubt they care. They are usually both very happy in their relationship with their significant other and with their decision to swing. I suppose if any of us find ourselves single and being asked our “number,” we have two choices: lie or look for another swinger!

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