“I never thought it would happen to me!” A swinger’s story…

Hi Partners ID.  I love reading your blog but I especially like to read the emails you receive from folks who have had success with the jewelry.  Just like most things in life, I never thought it would happen to me but it did!  Magical!

We have been swingers for about 5 years and mostly seek out parties at hotels near where we live.  It can be a bit frustrating because we would like to have more of a swinger social life but we really don’t have a club close enough to drive just for an evening.  

To try to satisfy our desire to immerse ourselves in swinging, we took a vacation in August to Hedonism.   That’s where we discovered your jewelry.  It worked like a charm in Jamaica because people could identify that we were swingers and so they approached us.  To be honest, we weren’t really sure if we would have any success with the jewelry back at home.

I wear my necklace every day for two reasons:  first, because I love the design and second, obviously, because I would like to meet other swingers.  

We live in a wonderful community and have met many of our neighbors since moving in last year.  We got a note in our mailbox a few weeks ago inviting us to their annual block party.  We are a very social couple and looked forward to spending the afternoon with everyone while hoping to meet some new people.  

We offered to help with the setup and spent the evening before the party baking goodies to share with our neighbors.  We arrived early and were greeted by a couple we had not yet met.  They were quite a bit older than we are but were so warm and welcoming.  They mentioned that their son and his wife would be attending the party and hoped we would get a chance to meet them.  

We were impressed with the turnout for the party!  There were well over 100 people out on the street enjoying the food, music, games and socializing.  At one point my husband left me talking with another couple to run back and get us some drinks.  He ran into the older couple that we had helped with the setup.  They were with their son and his wife and were thrilled to be able to introduce them to my husband.  

A short time later my husband returned and he was with another couple who seemed anxious to meet me.  I politely excused myself and went over to meet them.  With a big smile on his face, my husband introduced me to this couple, who are about the same age we are.  I went to shake the man’s hand and he pulled me in for a kiss.  I was a little stunned until he whispered in my ear to look at his bracelet.  Sure enough, there it was!  He, too, was wearing your jewelry!  OMG, I was so excited to meet them!  We spent the entire rest of the day with them and the next night as well!  The best part is, since his parents are our neighbors, they come to town quite often.  

Such a great concept!  Thank you again for what you are doing for the lifestyle!  Like I said, it’s magical!

~Lisa and Doug

Colorado (too small a town to name!)

Finding a condom you didn’t know you lost! How can one little condom cause so much trouble?!

Woman holding condom wearing Partners ID  black ring

There are some things that only swingers can relate to. There are situations that we find ourselves in that vanilla people simply cannot imagine.

We recently returned from a trip where we spent a few days partying with a group of lifestyle friends. The days were spent on a secluded beach and the nights were spent running between the jacuzzi and the den of a rented townhome. We drank a lot and had a lot of sex.

Upon my return home, my phone reminded me of my yearly gynecology exam the following morning. Everything was pretty routine until he did the internal part of the exam.

He stands up from his seat on a stool, pushes his glasses up on top of his head and looks me in the eye. “I think somebody lost something,” he said and with that holds up the forceps from which a used condom is dangling…

He knows I am married and had asked about my husband not 2 minutes before discovering the condom. To say I was mortified is a small understatement. I did not (could not) explain.

We had a house party recently and we are always very thorough in our clean up to be sure that there is nothing left behind. ( A rule I might want to consider after traveling with lifestyle friends!) We limit our guests to the family room and kitchen so that we don’t have to concern ourselves with the entire house.  The morning after the party, we checked under the couches and the couch cushions, under the coffee table and wall unit, emptied the garbage, scrubbed the bathroom, you name it. The following evening we had our children over for dinner. While we are eating my son touched something under the table and lifted the table cloth to see what was on the floor. Sitting on the table pedestal was a pair of men’s shoes. I don’t know how we missed them but we did. He picks them up off the floor and looks at my husband. Clearly, they don’t look like the style of shoes my husband wears and the size is much larger than what he wears. Yes, I know what you’re thinking because I was thinking exactly the same thing. How does someone leave a party without their shoes? It hardly mattered at that moment because we both stared at the shoes trying to think of something to say. I had nothing, I was actually laughing to myself about how ludicrous the situation was. My husband made up some lame story about borrowing the shoes but the more he rambled on the more ridiculous the story sounded. I glanced at my children out of the corner of my eyes and could see they were not buying one word. I really can’t imagine what they were thinking.

My husband brought his car in for service recently and when he went to pick up the car they handed him a large envelope and said they had found some personal items on the floor of the car and wanted to make sure they were returned to him. He thanked them and opened the envelope while waiting for them to bring the car around. Inside were 4 pairs of crotchless panties. When he looked up from the envelope the service representative was standing there with the car keys. “I see you got your items back,” he said with a grin on his face. My husband was mortified. He imagined everyone was watching him from inside the showroom as he got into his car. He said he was sure they thought he was having sex with hookers in his car when in reality he often puts my underwear into my boots when we play at the club. I remove my boots when I get into the car often forgetting about the underwear and they get lost under the seat.

We had plans to meet some lifestyle friends for an evening of fun and I was texting my friend’s husband to remind him to bring condoms as we had forgotten to pick some up when we were out. He sent me a sexually charged text and I shot one back to him telling what I was planning to do to him that evening. I didn’t hear back from him and figured he was busy. After playing with them that evening I asked him if I did everything I promised I would do to him. He looked at me with a funny expression and asked what I was talking about. I reminded him of the text I had sent that afternoon following his text to me. He grabbed his phone and scrolled down to look for my text. He was shaking his head no, that he had never received a followup text from me. That was not a very good feeling… I felt a little nauseous as I tried to imagine who might have been the recipient of that text message. I fumbled to find my phone dreading the thought of whose name I was going to find. Well, the good news is that it was not any of our children or relatives. The bad news is that it was not another lifestyle friend. It was an old employee of mine and needless to say there is nothing I can say or do about the text. It is an older woman and quite frankly I can’t begin to imagine what she was thinking when she received it! My only hope is that I never run into her!

As one can never hear too many condom stories, after leaving the club recently in the wee hours of the morning, some friends realized that they had stayed out much later than they had planned. They had a babysitter waiting for them at home so they dressed quickly and raced out of the club. When they pulled up to the house, my friend was grabbing some things from the back seat of the car while her husband went inside to get the babysitter. As my friend walked into the house she saw her husband walking in front of the sitter as they were getting ready to leave so he could drive her home. That’s when she spotted it. There was an open condom wrapper stuck to the back of his hair. The shiny psychedelic wrapper was glittering under the foyer light, impossible to miss. She looked over at the babysitter who was staring at it with a look of horror on her face. “What on earth was I supposed to say?” my friend asked in utter distress. Needless to say, although they really like this babysitter, neither of them are willing to face her so they have no babysitter for now.

These are just a small sample of horrifying events that happen to swingers. As I have said before, swingers can find themselves in some pretty hilarious situations, learning to think fast helps!

Remember to check out our lifestyle jewelry here: https://www.swingersjewelry.net/jewelry-for-swingers/

Ok, fine, I’m a slut, a whore and a nymphomaniac. But, you should know, I’m very satisfied!

Slutty woman in underwear wearing Partners ID belly ring
Slutty woman in underwear wearing Partners ID belly ring

Slut is a word we are all familiar with.  We heard it used a lot in high school to shame girls who had sex with too many guys.  It did not occur to me in those years that we did not have a term for the males who were doing the same thing.

I stumbled upon an article the other day which was talking about the number of sexual partners people have had over the course of their lifetime, and what it says about them.

https://onlinedoctor.superdrug.com/whats-your-number/

The article is actually quite interesting and at the same time a bit alarming. As a swinger, reading that the general population thinks that the ideal number of past sexual partners for both men and women is 7, concerns me.  Seven?! Seriously?! I know people who have sex with 7 different people in one night!

My immediate reaction to the notion that a new man in my life would want to hear that I have only slept with 7 men prior to him, was that I felt a little nauseous. I think I had slept with 7 guys before I graduated from college. What does this mean? I was (and still am) a total slut?  Probably, but lucky for me, my husband appreciates the fact that I love sex as much as he does.

I don’t think anyone would be surprised to learn that both men and women tended to change their true numbers slightly (at their own admission). Men tended to say they have had sex with more women than they actually have, while women tended to say they have had sex with less partners than they have. It is a surprise to me that in the year 2017 people are still so antiquated in their thinking. Men want to be with women who love sex, but they don’t want to be with women who have been too sexually active or who are too experienced.

Perhaps because I have been married for a long time I have lost touch with single stigmas, but come on people, this is 2017. Many people in their 50s, 60s and 70s are part of the baby boomer population. They believe in sex, drugs and rock and roll, don’t they? This generation was having sex, and a lot of it, back in the 60s and 70s. You mean to tell me they were part of this survey? I think not.

I also would have imagined that we were no longer holding women to a different standard than men. We still think men are studs when they have many conquests while women remain sluts for doing the same. We pat men on the back for their accomplishments in bed while we shake our heads in disdain at the women with whom they are doing this. Every time I think we’ve come a long way (baby) I discover that perhaps we really have not. Even the terms we are still using to describe sexually adventurous women versus men have remained unchanged in the way one degrades the woman, while the other praises the man. According to Wikipedia, the term slut is as follows:

Slut is generally a term for a woman or girl who is considered to have loose sexual morals or who is sexually promiscuous.[1][2] It is usually used as an insult, sexual slur or offensive term of disparagement (slut shaming).[2][3] It originally meant “a dirty, slovenly woman”,[2] and is rarely used to refer to men, generally requiring clarification by use of the terms male slut or man whore.

Today, the term slut has a pervasive presence in popular culture and pornography, but is almost exclusively used to describe women. An exact male equivalent of the term does not exist. The lack of a comparably popular term for men highlights the double standard in societal expectations (gender roles) between males and females, as negative terms for sexually promiscuous males are rare.[5][14]

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Slut

This is one of the reasons why swinging and the lifestyle are such wonderful outlets. Nobody is judging anyone within the lifestyle. If you love sex, good for you! Curious to try something new? This is the place! Judge free zone! Everyone is free to explore their fantasies. In all of the years that I have been in the lifestyle, I have never heard anyone put a woman down for sleeping with too many men. Even the women who like gang bangs and trains. Most people just shrug their shoulders and say whatever she’s into to, glad she’s having fun.

For swingers, the standards set by the general population do not apply. Men in the lifestyle are not really interested in women who do not want to play. People are in the lifestyle for this purpose! Sexually open women are the norm, as are the sexually adventurous women.  Men seem drawn to the women who exude sex as they are certain that it will prove to be an enjoyable experience.  As far as asking about or caring about how many sexual partners someone has had?  I’ve never heard anyone discuss this within the confines of the lifestyle. Truth is, most people would probably laugh and say, “I have no idea, I lost count!”

It fascinates me that men who are not in the lifestyle prefer women who have slept with (at most) 7 partners. They feel that more than that signifies a promiscuous woman. What the survey did not discuss was a woman’s age. What if she’s 50 and has never been married? I hope these men are open to the thought that their partner likes to masturbate. Or, open to the notion that this partner does not like sex. Either way, how do you put a number on something like this, and more importantly who are they to judge?

Women also think the magic number of previous partners for men is 7. For a man who is 25, I can see how this number is probably fair game. If the man is 40, I’m not so sure.

I think I can speak for most people in the lifestyle when I say that the number 7 made me laugh out loud when I heard it. Most real swingers who spend every weekend (and for some 1 or more nights a week) in a lifestyle venue of some sort, would probably agree that they hit that magic number often; some after a few weeks, others after a few months.

Does this make all the women in the lifestyle a bunch of sluts?  Probably to those who choose not to be in the lifestyle. What about the men? I imagine they would simply call the men in the lifestyle “lucky”. For those who are in the lifestyle, I sincerely doubt they care. They are usually both very happy in their relationship with their significant other and with their decision to swing. I suppose if any of us find ourselves single and being asked our “number,” we have two choices: lie or look for another swinger!

Speaking of looking for other swingers: that’s what our lifestyle jewelry was created for! Click here to find the perfect piece for you!     https://www.swingersjewelry.net/jewelry-for-swingers/

The lifestyle can be difficult for new swingers to navigate. Where should they start?

New swingers wearing Partners ID jewelry reading newspaper

The lifestyle can be difficult for new swingers.  Where should they start?

Swinging used to be relatively easy for new couples to navigate.   The internet was not yet born.  Those who were looking to swing had to find ads in magazines or learn by word of mouth.  Naturally, swing clubs were pretty much the only place you could go to find a group of swingers.  Meet and greets and private parties were very difficult to find.  These were not things people were advertising in magazines.  There were no real choices to be made when it came to swinging.  If you wanted to see what it was all about, you would head out to a swing club.

With the popularity of the internet, this has all changed.  It is easy to look up swinger events, clubs and venues online. This, however, does not mean it is easy to figure out how to begin your swinging career!  Every blog you read tells you something different.  Some say online dating sites are the best while others say steer clear of them.  Some writers recommend visiting a swingers resort while others say that is a terrible introduction to swinging.

On your first night it will benefit you to be content to sit back and observe.

Every swinger was at one time new to the lifestyle, or in swingers terms a “newbie”.   The first time we went to a swing club, the manager gave us a tour.  When he was finished, we were left inside to fend for ourselves.  It was the first time I had ever felt like the two of us were one person.  Although we were together, we were actually alone.

We looked around the club and it felt like everyone knew each other.  There were clearly a bunch of different cliques of people.  As we sat and watched, we wondered how we would ever meet people.  It felt like everyone seemed to belong, except for us.  After assessing the situation (and throwing back a few shots), we got up the nerve to dance.  People on the dance floor smiled at us and one couple even came over and asked us if we were new.  Is it that obvious, I wondered?  We said we were and they introduced themselves.  With that, a couple they knew walked over and they turned their attention to the other couple. Since this was our first time at a swing club, we were content to just observe the crowd and go home early.

On your second visit you will have a better idea of how the club works; this will make it more comfortable.

A few weeks later, we decided to try it again.  This time I knew how to dress and what to expect.  That made a big difference in the way we handled ourselves when we walked in.   First of all, we decided to get there early so it was not very busy when we arrived.  We went right to the bar and got our drinks.

We looked around to see if we could find the couple that had introduced themselves to us on the dance floor, but they were not there.  There was a couple sitting on a couch by themselves so we walked over and asked if we could sit.  They were very friendly and seemed happy to meet a new couple.  We were not looking so much to swing with them, as we were looking to meet people to talk to.

Soon, the couch was filled with couples they knew, and they introduced us to them.  Just like that, on our second night in this swing club we had met about ten couples.  This is a very easy way for newbies to be introduced to swingers and the lifestyle.  Most of the couples we met that night were regulars at this club.  This meant that when we decided to return for another night, chances are, at least a few of them would be there so we wouldn’t have to be alone.

A swing club allowed us the opportunity to see what it was all about while taking it at our own pace. We did not feel any pressure to do anything that was out of our comfort zone.  Nobody was counting on us to make the night a success.  The club environment allows you the freedom to arrive and leave on your own schedule (unlike private parties, where people are counting on you). When we did not feel comfortable talking to a couple we simply left to dance or excused ourselves to get another drink.  People were both friendly and respectful.

Don’t rush the process, make sure you are both ready before you take the next step.

Nothing causes a couple to fail at swinging more than when one person is pushing the other to do something that makes them uncomfortable.  It is normal to get caught up in the excitement of the lifestyle but it is important to always consider your partner’s feelings.  If you would like to continue in the lifestyle with your partner, always keep this in mind.

Eventually, you will both be ready to take it to the next step.

When we felt ready, we took it to the next step all on our own.

What about meet and greets; are they a good place for newbies to start?

Some people feel that meet and greets are full of swingers who all know each other and are not looking to meet new people.  This is where I wholeheartedly disagree. Most swingers I know actually choose to go to meet and greets purely to meet new swingers. If they were not looking to meet new people, they would simply go to a swing club where the regulars are.

Meet and greets are designed to give couples who are new to the lifestyle, or new to the area, a chance to meet other swingers. Some of the couples we have met at meet and greets are swingers who do not like swing clubs and are looking for couples to invite out privately. This can be good or bad. If a couple are seasoned swingers, you might want to let them know you are new and are looking to take swinging step by step. The good thing about couples who are not new to the lifestyle is that they can help you navigate the whole process. The bad thing is, they might want you to move faster than what is comfortable for you. Communication is always very important in any swinging situation.

Lifestyle resorts and expos, would newbies feel comfortable in these environments?

Lifestyle expos and resorts can be a lot of fun, but if you are new to the lifestyle and just looking to see what it is all about, these types of venues can seem a bit hardcore. Both are a lot of fun for swingers, but if swinging is new to your couple, these environments can be intimidating. Most people who attend conventions or go on swinging vacations are not new to the lifestyle. They have a limited amount of time and want to make the most of the vacation. At the last expo we attended, by the time we arrived (which was only a few hours after it started), the party was in full swing with many couples already naked in the pool enjoying themselves. It was fine with us, but if we were newbies, it would have felt a little intimidating.

What about a swinger cruise?

Swinger cruises are also a wonderful vacation for those in the lifestyle but perhaps not the best place for new swingers to start. The biggest problem with a cruise for your first introduction to the lifestyle is that you cannot walk away if you do not like it. Of course, you do not have to swing, but the majority of people who choose a lifestyle cruise, do so because they are looking to swing.

We see that we can sign up on a swinger dating site for a private party…

Some people who are new to swinging might think a private party would be an easy way to meet other swingers. After all, there are usually fewer people at a party than a club, so it is easier to talk to others. While this may be true, most private parties are for real swingers. When you attend a private party, people usually think if you are there, it is to play. Why else would you attend? For that reason, it is probably not the best place to start, unless you think that you want to swing your first night out, which is usually not the best idea.

How about trying to meet couples on swinger dating sites?  This seems easy…

Swinger dating sites are also great for swingers but may not be the best avenue for new swingers to take when trying to meet other couples. It can be difficult to navigate these sites when you are new to the lifestyle. Looking at photos (which frequently are not very current) and reading ages (again, not always honest) and profiles can be misleading. Trying to meet up with couples who cancel at the last minute or don’t respond to your emails can be frustrating. New swingers might take it personally while seasoned swingers have learned it is not personal. Many swingers also know what to look for when checking out online sites, while newbies do not. This can cause them to have a negative first experience.

So what’s the bottom line?  We are new to the lifestyle and would like to test the waters.

For these reasons, I  recommend to new swingers that the best place to start would probably be at a meet and greet. If you are lucky, you might meet another new couple and the four of you can venture out to a swing club together to get a feel for the lifestyle. Swing clubs sometimes also host meet and greets from time to time and this is even better. These events mix new swingers with those already in the lifestyle. This gives those who are new, a chance to see a swing club.   It also allows them the opportunity to meet both new and old swingers. It gives you the freedom to come and go as you please. Nobody expects anything from you. You can choose to sit back and observe or you can jump in and join the party.

The most important thing for new swingers is to communicate.

Whatever you decide for your first swinging experience, make sure to communicate with your partner both before you go and while you are there. Before making the decision to play with another couple, it is crucial that you decide this as a couple. If one person is not ready, it will only lead to disaster and very likely will stop your swinging career before it ever begins. The lifestyle is a wonderful thing if handled properly. Your partner must always be made to feel like your number one priority. You cannot enter a swinger environment and leave your partner to fend for themselves or to follow your every lead. Swinging must be done as a joint venture, especially at the beginning, to ensure success.  https://www.swingersjewelry.net/communicate/

The most important thing to remember is that this is supposed to be fun! If one of you is not having fun, then perhaps you need to back up and figure out why someone is not happy. Swinging is not for everyone and it will not work if one person is doing it for their partner. Again, communication is the key to success in the lifestyle.

Don’t forget to wear your lifestyle jewelry!

Wearing our lifestyle jewelry is another way to meet swingers.  Sold only through lifestyle sites and venues.  The jewelry allows you to be discreet yet will let other swingers know that you, too, are in the lifestyle.  Perfect for nights out in bars and clubs that don’t cater to swingers.  You’ll be surprised how quickly you will meet other swingers!  https://www.swingersjewelry.net/jewelry-for-swingers

Follow our blog for great stories from other swingers who have met each other simply because they were wearing our jewelry! https://www.swingersjewelry.net/lifestyle-2/

Good luck and have fun!

Does one’s alter ego play a role in the lifestyle?

Librarian alter ego sexy woman

 

 

Perhaps swinging allows us to develop an alter ego…

After listening to the ever-entertaining podcast “Our Naughty Escapades” where Bob and Nicky introduce themselves by their real names, it made me think. While I have been listening to “Ben and Jen” for all this time, I wonder if these fake names allowed them to explore a riskier side of themselves.  Often times in swing clubs or lifestyle events people will wear wigs or other disguises hoping to avoid recognition.

So what is an alter ego exactly?  According to Dictionary.com https://www.dictionary.com/browse/alter-ego alter ego is defined like this:

1.  a second self; a perfect substitute or deputy
2.  an inseparable friend.
3.  another aspect of one’s self.

Entering the lifestyle can be daunting for most people.  It is a common fear for newbies that someone will recognize them.   The plan for most couples is the same: we will look around and if we spot people we know, we will leave.

But wait! If they are there too, why would they judge you for being there? They won’t, but that will not always help to ease the nervousness of couples who are coming in for the first time.

For this reason, some people like to try to change something about themselves so that others will not recognize them. Some women wear wigs, some people wear glasses and some simply change their name or profession.

While many people initially do this to avoid detection, they often discover that it is easier to act in a way they would not if they were not in disguise. Simply changing your name (which is so common) seems to allow people to feel free to explore.

Do these small, seemingly insignificant changes allow our alter egos to shine? Like Nicky said after revealing her real name, she misses naughty “Jen.” That’s because as “Jen,” she felt free to behave in a way that she does not yet feel comfortable acting as Nicky.

Alter egos are liberating! If we believe others cannot really see us as we truly are, perhaps we feel more confident.  It allows us to expose parts of ourselves that we might otherwise feel inclined to suppress or hide.

I can remember going out to a swing club for Halloween. We live close to the club, so we spend a fair amount of time there. This Halloween night, when both the girls at the front desk and the bartenders did not recognize me, something inside clicked. I walked around and realized that with a red wig on, I had become totally unrecognizable to people. It was so liberating to be able to act in a way that I otherwise would have felt too shy to do. I felt bolder and more open than I ever had before.

It was apparent that some people who tended to be shy, seemed to have found confidence by wearing a costume. It seemed to summon something inside them that did not usually come out.

The dance floor on Halloween was exceptionally crowded. People who are not usually on the dance floor were suddenly letting loose. The power of their costumes was startling.

For some people, simply entering the lifestyle creates an alter ego. By day, someone might be a teacher, a doctor or an accountant. By night, that same person lets loose and has sex with a group of total strangers. A religious individual who wears modest clothing during the day suddenly reinvents herself at night and wears mini skirts, skimpy tops and thigh high boots.

Alter egos are a healthy way to explore another side of oneself. It allows a person the freedom to behave in a way that would be impossible under normal circumstances. Imagine the slutty religious woman wearing her club clothing in her own community. Would never happen, and if it did, she would surely be shunned.

Do we all have a secret alter ego busting to be let out? A superhero begging to be unleashed? A slut living deep inside ourselves wishing to get out to explore her sexuality?

Whatever the answer is, the lifestyle is a wonderful place to probe this side of oneself. It is almost fantasy like to be able to be free to act in a way that your day to day self does not feel free to do. Try it!

If you admire the lifestyle tattoo in the image, you can purchase it here, in our online store:

https://www.swingersjewelry.net/jewelry-for-swingers/

Embarrassing situations swingers find themselves in…

Are you a swinger?  If you are, you can definitely relate to some of these embarrassing (but true) stories!

My husband and I had my parents over for dinner a few nights ago.  We were sitting at the table enjoying our coffee when our dog skirted under the table to enjoy what I thought was something my father had given her from his plate of leftovers.  Before long she was looking for my mother’s attention so my mother was petting her absentmindedly.  Next thing I know, my mother holds out her hand to show us what the dog had deposited.  It was a chewed up condom package with (thankfully) the condom still inside.  My husband and I were literally sweating,  trying desperately to figure out how to explain this.  Since neither of us could think of anything to say we acted like we couldn’t imagine where she had gotten it.  I didn’t feel comfortable admitting we had had a party that weekend and always supply condoms for our guests to use while they play on the very couch you were sitting on before dinner.  Nope, I didn’t think that would go over very well.  The next morning I did phone her and say that it probably had been in my son’s bedroom and the dog had managed to find it.

You might want to pack a trench coat when you don’t know the destination.

A few weeks ago we were heading out on a Saturday night to a private party.  We know the couple who were throwing the party but we had never been to their home.   I usually bring something in the car to put on in case of an emergency (I have already had that problem two times).   We were in a hurry and I forgot until we were already on our way.  Since we were running late, I decided to forget about it for this one time.

We arrive at the address and to my surprise, it is a building.  Naturally, when we walk in there is a doorman, a man at the front desk and a gentleman who takes you upstairs in the elevator.  I feel especially pleased that I am wearing a super slutty outfit that is practically see through.  I imagined all three men watching us by video going up in the elevator taking bets on whether or not my husband had hired me for the night.

When we arrive at their condo, my friend opens the door and gets hysterical laughing.  She knew right away the shame I had to endure to get up to her apartment.  She was then concerned that I would be the first of many dressed like this and now the people downstairs would look at her differently.  Perhaps next time you might want to mention to lifestyle guests that there is a front desk!

Ordering online should be a private way to get what you want, right?

I love to dress up when we go to parties and clubs, and  I especially enjoy shopping for slutty clothing.  It can be difficult to find stores that carry this type of clothing so most of the time I shop online.

I placed an order with a store a few months ago and waited for the package to arrive.  It did not arrive as scheduled, so I checked the tracking.   It showed the package had been delivered.  I went back to see what address they had delivered it to since it was not mine.  When I looked it up, I realized the company had sent it to my old address!  I had the phone number for the new owners so I called her and asked if she had the package.  She said she didn’t think so but would get back to me.  She sent me a text message later that day saying it had indeed arrived and since she was on her way out, she would leave it at her front door for me to pick up.

I arrived at her house and pulled into the driveway.  I was anxious to jump out and just grab the package.  My old neighbor spots me and walks over to say hello.  I told her I was in a hurry but just needed to grab a package that was left at the door.  She says, “Yes, I know, Susan told me about the package.”  With that, she says goodbye and walks away.  I thought it was odd and couldn’t imagine why Susan would have mentioned it.

As soon as I approached the front door I understood why.  The package had been opened and clearly, she had seen what I had ordered.  OMG, how do I explain this?!  Everything I had ordered looked like something a dancer from a strip club would wear!

After taking some time to figure out how to explain this, I phoned her.    I told her this was not what I had ordered!  She said she was sorry she had opened it but had been expecting a package and just assumed that was her package.  She mumbled something about not really looking at what was inside but I could tell from the package that she had indeed looked at each piece!  We have not spoken since.

People in the lifestyle love to stop and smell the flowers, but what about stopping to smell the lube?

A friend had surgery recently and I went to visit her at home.  They live in the city so finding a place to park was a bit of a challenge.  I finally gave in and parked in a public garage.

When I was leaving, I turned out of the garage and as I drove past her building, I noticed her husband walking toward the entrance.  I honked and he came over to the car to say hello.  He was very excited and held up a bag to show me that he had been shopping.

I pulled over to the curb and he got in the passenger side to show me what he bought.  To cheer up my friend, he had gotten her some sexy lingerie, body powder, and some new lube.  He opened the bottle to let me smell it and as I leaned over to smell the bottle of lube someone knocked on my window.  I turn to see a policeman standing there asking me to roll down my window.  Not only was I parked in a fire zone but he wanted to see what we were sniffing.  I imagine he thought it was drugs.

Although sniffing lube isn’t illegal, it is still pretty embarrassing.    My friend held up the bottle for the policeman to see but he wanted me to hand it over.  I twisted the cap back on and reluctantly gave him the bottle.  After examining the bottle, he handed it back to me and informed us that public sex was a misdemeanor and suggested we move along!

Sex toys and children don’t mix…

A friend recently returned from a trip to New Orleans where she was visiting a child in college.  She had a wonderful time but since she and her husband spend every weekend at either a lifestyle event or swing club, it was very tame.

After taking her son and his roommate out for dinner, they walked my friend back to the hotel as they were heading out to meet friends.  After waiting a short time to make sure they were gone,  she headed out to see Bourbon Street at night.  She stopped at a bar and had a few drinks while mingling with the locals.

Soon after, she decided to take a walk down the street to see what was there.  She passed a shop that sold adult items and she walked in.  Excited to see such interesting toys, she decided to buy a friend an early birthday present:  a giant pink strap on.  They dropped her stuff in a plastic bag and she headed back toward the hotel.

As she was walking through the lobby, her son was talking to the person at the front desk.  When he spotted her, he rushed over to talk to her.  He had left his keys up in her room and needed them to get into his apartment.

They rode back up in the elevator together with his friend and she let them back into her room.  They seemed to be in no hurry to leave, so she sat on the edge of the bed and talked with them for a while.  She had to go to the bathroom so she got up from the bed and when she did, the package slid off the bed and the contents scattered across the floor.  Needless to say, she was mortified as the boys stared down at the pink strap on.  She chuckled and said it was a gag gift for a friend’s birthday.  She still gets upset just thinking about it.

Let’s be honest, sex happens

Although most swingers try very hard to keep the lifestyle a secret, it seems that something always happens to give others a clue that we are not as vanilla as we would like to have them believe.  Every time some embarrassing or revealing situation occurs or someone tells me about something that has happened to them, I wonder if most people don’t have secrets of their own.

I prefer my dog not bring condoms to my parents, but honestly, do they not have anything kinky going on in their life?  My neighbor can’t handle the thought that I would wear such sexy clothing?  Maybe she is using a strap on with her husband.  I don’t know!  For her sake, I hope they are doing something fun in their bedroom!  Does the policeman think lube is risqué?  Really?  With a job like his, I’m sure he has seen a whole lot more interesting things than that.  As for my friend’s son, he is in a fraternity.  Need I say more?

At least we are having fun!

One of the reasons I love the lifestyle so much is that we don’t pretend to be so puritanical.  We love sex, we have sex and we talk about sex.  We like to dress sexy and we like to have fun.  It would be impossible to revert to our old ways and I sincerely doubt that anyone in the lifestyle would want to.

Hopefully, in the future, people will loosen up and accept that sex is natural and normal.  I’m not expecting everyone to understand or participate in the lifestyle, I am just hoping that people will be open to the fact that it does exist and the people involved are just having fun with their partners.  It is an open and honest relationship that swingers have and hopefully one day, vanilla people will understand.

Until then, prepare yourself for the next mishap…

Be sure to check out our lifestyle jewelry!  New items arrive often and we are happy to create custom pieces!  https://www.swingersjewelry.net/jewelry-for-swingers/

Read more funny stories about swingers here: https://www.swingersjewelry.net/hilarious-swinger-situations/

Infidelity and the lifestyle; how swinging helps couples avoid cheating on each other.

Happy couple clinking wine glasses
Happy couple clinking wine glasses

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

People who are not in the lifestyle, equate swinging with infidelity.  Obviously, for people who swing, this is absolutely untrue.   According to dictionary.com. infidelity means:

1.  marital disloyalty
2.  unfaithfulness
     Considering those two meanings, swingers are not being disloyal or unfaithful to their spouses.  Perhaps we should think of swingers as writng their own rules in their own marriages.  They have decided together, as a couple, to open their marriage to something more. Whether or not religious figures would agree that this is not adultery or infidelity is another topic altogether.

It is not uncommon to hear people who are not in the lifestyle to question why couples swing.  Besides that they imagine swingers to be perverted deviants, their perception of swingers is really off.  They have a hard time understanding why people would be open to having sex with someone other than their spouse.  More than that, they cannot fathom why swingers do not get upset with the fact that their significant others are doing this.

Let’s consider this:  if a department store invited you to visit anytime, and take what you needed for free, would you ever feel the need to steal something from them?   Silly question right?  How can you steal something if they are giving it to you for free?   Let’s say you are in school and need help on an exam and the teacher tells you anytime you don’t know an answer to just ask her and she will tell you. Would you need to copy off someone’s paper?  What would be the point?  The teacher has already offered the free help, right?  It is the same in the lifestyle.  Your partner offers to let you swing with other people, why would you need to do this behind their back?  That is not to say that it never happens because it probably does, but what it is the point?

It is very common when you speak with swingers to hear how surprised they were when they first entered the lifestyle to discover how in love swingers seemed to be.  It was exactly the opposite of what they had imagined.  If couples were so in love, what drove them into the lifestyle?  The best answer is probably honesty.

The relationship between a couple who chooses to swing has to be very open and honest.   In order to swing, they had to get to the point where they could admit that although they love each other, they would like to try something else.  It is normal for  couples to fall into a routine or rut with their sex life.  Some couples try to spice things up by watching porn, using toys, trying different positions or even going to strip clubs.  What happens when that is not enough?

For couples not in the lifestyle, unfortunately, they might look to someone else to fill that void.  Infidelity is exceptionally selfish.  One person in the couple chooses to find excitement that is lost with their partner while the other partner makes do with  the lack of fulfillment.  Sometimes both parts of the couple choose to be unfaithful to each other while maintaining  the facade of a wonderful marriage.  How long can that last?

When you consider the avenue swingers take, it seems more logical and loving.  Swinging is something couples do together.  They venture into the lifestyle as a couple not to find someone to replace their partner, but to find couples to spice up their sex life.  The excitement is something they experience together.  The only sneaking around these couples might be engaging in, is from their family and friends. Swinging creates a very strong bond;  you are naughty together.

When you consider the freedom that swinging brings to both members of the couple, who would feel the need to cheat?  Sure, there are always exceptions, but that shows a true character fault.  Generally speaking, swingers would agree that they have no reason to cheat.  Swinging helps them to avoid infedelity.

Many couples who have been in the lifestyle for many years reach different levels of comfort with separating while swinging.  Some couples have no problem allowing their significant other to play on their own while traveling or with friends they have met in the lifestyle.  They talk about how much pleasure they get just from hearing about the escapades of their partners.   The only request they make of each other is to tell them about what they do when they play on their own.  Some couples never separate and continue their swinging journey side by side.  Either way, the degree of trust and freedom is immeasurable compared with those not in the lifestyle.

Everyone is different and perhaps there are couples who never feel the desire to play outside their marriage.  It seems that number would be very low when you consider how rampant infidelity is.

My question to those not in the lifestyle is this:  why not try to explore together what both of you are secretly wishing for?  It is impossible to believe that every married adult at some point has not fantasized about having sex with someone else.  A neighbor, a  teacher, a coworker, someone famous or your spouse’s best friend.   The best part about swinging is that these are no longer secrets or fantasies!  You and your partner not only talk about what your sexual fantasies are, you experience them together.  What could be more honest and intimate than that?  That is what creates such a strong bond between swingers.   When you have everything you need at home, why would you need to go elsewhere?

Is a poor body image keeping you from enjoying ( or entering) the lifestyle?

Is a poor body image keeping you from feeling confident in the lifestyle?   Do you worry that having a less than perfect figure will make it hard to find couples who want to swing with you?

The lifestyle poses many challenges to both men and women.    It can be very difficult for someone if they are shy, insecure or become jealous easily.   It is even worse if someone has a poor self-image.  Having a positive self-image, especially regarding your body, is crucial if you are planning to swing.  Body image is defined as how you see yourself when you look in the mirror or how you picture yourself in your mind.  Sometimes these perceptions are accurate, but sometimes they are completely distorted. This image will affect how you carry yourself and how you interact with others.  Developing a positive body image and a healthy mental attitude is crucial to a person’s happiness and wellness.  It also plays a key role in success in the lifestyle.

Swing clubs, parties, and hotel takeovers are filled with scantily clad women wearing fishnet dresses, sexy lingerie,
and exotic mini skirts and dresses.  All of which show a lot of skin.  Many of these women are over the age of 40 and have bodies which indicate as much.  There are women who have beautiful, tight, fit bodies but they are not in the majority.  They are also not always the hottest or the most secure.  It seems that self-image plays a much larger role in what makes a woman desirable to both men and other women.  A beautiful, fit woman with poor body image (yes, there are many) seems to be less attractive to others than the overweight woman who is comfortable in her own skin. The lifestyle is not about the most attractive person or people, and it is important to remember that everyone is attracted to something different.  A person who is friendly and warm and seems genuinely interested in what you have to say will be much more attractive to you than someone who is the opposite; regardless of their physical appearance.

Men suffer from the same problem but regarding different aspects of their bodies.  Women tend to be focused on their weight, their breasts and any areas of their bodies they see as imperfect; cellulite on their thighs, a butt that is too large or too small, scars from past surgeries or c sections, etc.  Men tend to be more concerned with their height, their weight, their muscle mass and obviously the size of their penis, as compared with other men.  Interestingly enough, if you were to ask ten men to point out which woman they find most attractive, chances are you would get 6-7 different responses.  For women, it would probably be about the same.  Luckily, everyone is attracted to something different.   Imagine if everyone was attracted to the same person!

The lifestyle is supposed to be fun.  When people are too hung up about their bodies and their imperfections it can be a real downer.  Try to remember that swinging is for a short time and if you don’t take advantage of the moment, you will miss it.  Chances are if someone has chosen to swing with you, it is because they think it will be enjoyable.  If you cannot relax and savor the moment, you are not only wasting your night but the night of the person who is trying to have fun with you.  I sincerely doubt that while your partner for the evening is playing with you he is thinking about your thighs.  If, however, you are showing your insecurities regarding your thighs, he probably will look at them to decide if you are right.   When a woman is with a man who is less endowed than most, she will only care if it keeps him from being able to enjoy himself.  If he steps up and shows her he is confident with himself, she knows it will be a fun night regardless of his size.

Putting your insecurities aside for an evening will be in your best interest.   If you step into the play area with nothing but a smile, people will admire your confidence and appreciate that about you.  If you are open to people, they will look to join you, it’s that simple.  Big thighs, sagging boobs, cellulite and all, if you show people that you are ok with yourself, they will be ok with you.

Swing clubs, parties, and takeovers can be fun and exciting.  People come out to party and have a good time.  When you meet people, if they seem friendly and self-confident you are drawn to them.  If, on the other hand, you meet people who are shy and withdrawn, chances are you will move on to another couple.  It really is ok if you don’t think you are perfect because guess what?  Pretty much everyone else has the same insecurities that you have, the only difference is that they refuse to let it ruin their night!

Remember to check out our lifestyle jewelry!  New items are offered frequently and we are happy to take custom orders.

https://www.swingersjewelry.net/jewelry-for-swingers/

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Love does play a role in swinging but not in the way people might imagine.

Couple in love wearing Partners ID jewelry
Couple in love wearing Partners ID jewelry

When we think about swinging, we do not think about love. The purpose of swinging is to have fun. To find another couple or a single man or woman to fulfill a fantasy. Sex is a physical act and does not require love to participate. Swinging equates to sex without love whereas a marriage incorporates love and sex.

To people who are not in the lifestyle, it is a very difficult concept for them to grasp. They frequently ask if couples in the lifestyle are afraid that their partner might fall in love with someone else. Sure, anything is possible, but you do not have to be a swinger to be at risk of falling in love with someone else.

Swinging has nothing to do with love. Swingers do not seek out the lifestyle to find a partner to share their life with. Single swingers might be looking for love. Some are looking for someone who shares their lifestyle views. Couples are not there for this reason.

Vanilla couples cannot understand how swingers do not get jealous when they see their partner with someone else but it always reminds me of something from the Bible. The following is a part of the passage, not the entire thing: (I am not religious, or Catholic, but this always comes to mind):

Love is patient. Love is kind. Love does not envy, it does not put on airs, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, and it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. So Faith, Hope and Love abide these three; But the Greatest of these is Love.”

In my opinion, the only role love plays in swinging, is between the couple that decides together that they would like to explore the  lifestyle.  You love your partner enough to give them the freedom to partake in things they otherwise could not, and you find joy in seeing them enjoy those things.  You have faith in your partner; you allow them to play because you are sure they will come back to you.   You are able to express love for each other by forging your own path.  You do not allow others to dictate to you what is normal.  Although society equates love with monogamy, you choose to define love your own way and you know the love between you and your partner is mutually exclusive.  You hope that your love is forever and that these experiences will only enrich your lives.

There is no love between couples that play but there can be infatuation or lust.  How can you love someone that you don’t really know?  The person who shows up at parties or swing clubs or on vacations or cruises allows you to see only a small part of who they are.  The real person is the one who has to get up for work in the mornings; the person who has to clean up after their children or their dog.  The true person is not always dancing and having fun but paying bills and dealing with stress.  Until you know that person, how can you really know that you love them?

The part of swinging that makes it so enjoyable is that we get to dress up, have a few drinks, dance or socialize then move onto the swinging aspect.  Spending an evening with swingers is like going out on New Year’s Eve.  It’s always a big party, but is that real life?  It is an awful lot of fun and the environment lends itself to getting hot for other people, but that is the whole point.  We go into swing clubs looking for others to spend a few hours with but not our lives.

If people in the lifestyle were not able to separate sex and love, swinging could not exist.  It is the rare couple who can find that delicate balance and make it work.  If couples were constantly falling in love with each other, swing clubs would be empty.  Who would want to risk their relationship for an evening of fun?
The most important thing is to keep perspective.  Having sex with someone else is just for a moment of pleasure, whereas being in a committed relationship is hopefully for a lifetime.

A visit to a swing club might be just what your marriage needs!

Woman talking about swing club wearing Partners ID jewelry

When a friend confides that her sex life has diminished, would you suggest visiting a swing club?  I did…

A friend recently confided in me that her sex life has become pretty non existent.  After years of great sex, it no longer exists.  She wondered aloud if he no longer found her attractive.  There was no concern of another woman, they were very happily married.  I asked if perhaps it was a hormonal problem and she said she did not believe that was it.

So what’s happening?  My friend is very attractive and takes good care of herself.  She has a great figure and wears form fitting clothing to show it off.  I decided since she was coming to me for advice, I would take a chance.

“A few years ago, my husband and I were in a sexual rut,” I explained.  “Sex had become routine.  We decided to try toys, watch porn and role play.  Although it was exciting for a while, we found ourselves looking for something more.  My husband suggested a strip club and this was also exciting at first, but soon we were bored.  It was during a night at a strip club that one of the dancers suggested we try a swing club.”

I held my breath and waited for her reaction.  She leaned in close to me and with bated breath asked quietly, “And?”

Not sure how to proceed, I turned the tables.  I asked her what she would do.  Would she be willing to try a swing club? 

As I listened to her talk about how disgusting the thought of this was, I stopped her.  I decided to take a chance and tell her we had tried it a few times.  Very nonchalantly I described the first few nights we had actually visited a swing club.  The nerves, the anticipation of what I would see, what I wore and finally what I thought of the experience.  

This is perhaps the most important thing that vanilla couples misunderstand about what happens in a swing club.  I was honest about my fears regarding what type of people would actually spend time in a swing club.  The thought of half naked people walking around touching each other was a fear of mine.  I was sure the people would be old and unattractive; that the club would be a dungeon full of scary sights.  Not knowing what to expect is perhaps one of the biggest reasons that people shy away from swing clubs.

Her eyes were large as she listened intently.  She was dying to know what the club was actually like.  It was more shocking for her when I told her it was the exact opposite of what I had imagined.  The club was beautiful and upscale.  The people were warm and friendly; easy to talk to and quite interesting.  Many were professionals and most were genuinely normal, everyday type of people.  

I continued to explain that I did not see anything alarming or perverse.  Some couples were busy in groups, talking and laughing, some couples were dancing and others simply sat and observed.  Both women and men were well dressed.  Some women were a bit sexier than others, but if I had not known I was in a swing club, I would not have thought anything was odd.  Except, perhaps for the fact that people were so friendly and there was a monitor over the dance floor playing porn.

She was curious to hear whether we had seen people having sex while at the club.  There was no intent on my part to reveal that we have been in the lifestyle for many years and spend every weekend at this club.  My only interest was to help shed some light on the truth about swing clubs.  My answers reflected my views when I was new to the lifestyle.

I admitted that we, too, were curious and so after a few visits to this club we decided to check it out.  There was no way I was going to tell her that we had to change into towels to go into the back room, so I left that part out.

 

It seemed best to explain how respectful others are in this situation.  You go at your own pace.  If you simply want to watch, that is fine.  Some couples simply play with their husband or wife, while others opt to trade partners as they play side by side.  Some people like to play as threesomes and some prefer to be in a private room.  

I did admit that it was a very exciting way to spend a night. That first visit to the club had ignited a sexual flame within the both of us.  The club had a sexy vibe and we liked that.  Watching other people having sex was erotic and exciting.  The atmosphere is like none other.

My final bit of advice to her was to do some research and perhaps try it out.  There is no pressure to do anything.  Many people go to swing clubs and simply socialize.  Some drink and dance.  The most important thing is to do something in her marriage to get it back on track.

The simple act of going to a swing club brought my husband and I closer after just the first time.  We were now partners in crime and had something that we did not share with others.  It was our secret and it was shocking how it helped us to grow as a couple.  

The bottom line is that going to a swing club is an experience.  Perhaps one couple will love it and another will not.  It is not a commitment of any kind and there are no promises or guarantees of what will happen on any given night.  The most important thing to remember is that it is something you do together. 

Looking to find other swingers?  Wear lifestyle jewelry so others can find you!  Shop for the jewelry here: https://www.swingersjewelry.net/jewelry-for-swingers/