Aloha from friends who live in Hawaii! How’s the lifestyle in Hawaii?

 

Woman from Hawaii wearing Partners ID black choker
Hawaiin woman wearing Partners ID black choker

 

Welina Partners ID,

Aloha from friends who live in Hawaii!

For the first years we were in the lifestyle, we sought out vacationers from the mainland through sites like SLS and SDC but it was always complicated.

We found it frustrating that we had to hide who we were from everyone we knew.  We would read articles from your site and others about clubs and friendships that had enriched so many swinger’s lives.  

Although most people tend to imagine that Hawaii is full of people who are free thinking and sexually open, but that is a thing of the past.  Religion has taken a more important role here in Hawaii over the past 2 centuries and sex is no longer something most islanders approve of if it is not between a married couple.

After reading some of the stories on your website, we finally decided to buy jewelry.  (I attached a photo of the necklace I bought from you): https://www.swingersjewelry.net/product/black-velvet-choker-necklace-with-lifestyle-pendant/  not only to find other swingers but it made us each feel authentic.  We wore our jewelry like a symbol of pride.  We enjoyed knowing that here we were identifying ourselves to everyone yet nobody knew that the symbol has any meaning.  At times it made me giggle!  Often when I wear the jewelry to work (I work in a store that sells ladies clothing), women will ask if we sell the jewelry!  The owner even asked about stocking some in the store!  How funny is that?!  

When my husband and I finally get the same day off we like to go snorkeling.  We try to go early and have the rest of the day on the beach.  We were relaxing at the beach and this nice looking couple sets up right next to us with their beach gear.  They were very friendly and the man then asked about the lifestyle in Oahu (where we live).  I look at my husband and the man quickly pointed at his wife’s ankle bracelet.  I started to laugh because I forget that I’m wearing my necklace!  This happened a few months ago and was the best thing that ever happened to us!  We became very good friends (wink wink) and they had other friends that also are in the lifestyle.  They also introduced us to a group that has a small club so we have been so happy!  

Your jewelry is a good luck charm for us!  This is the happiest we have been since we moved back here 5 years ago!   You will see my order because I am ordering for our group!  They are very excited about it and so are we!

Mahalo nui loa,

Aloha mai e

Kailana & Bane

Oahu, Hawaii

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“How do I get my wife into swinging” seems to be the most frequently asked question on the forums.

Swinging couples wearing Partners ID Jewelry
Swinging couples wearing Partners ID Jewelry
It seems every swinger forum on the internet has the same question regarding swinging:  a man asking how to get his wife into swinging.  One of the things that men must do when their wife is opposed to the idea, is to try to understand why.
 First of all, swinging is not for everyone.  Secondly, swinging is a process and a big part of this process has to do with the man.  It is very important to try to discover what it is about swinging that scares her.  For many women, one very big problem is body image.  Having been in a comfortable relationship with her husband and perhaps having had children, her body may not have been a priority for many years.  The thought of having to go out and “compete” for male attention could be scary for her.  The thought of taking off her clothing in front of strangers is hard to imagine.  We met a man recently who told us he knew his wife would never agree to step foot in a swing club.  Instead of pursuing it, he suggested they learn how to box, that it was something he had always been interested in and wanted to do it with her.  She agreed.  After six months he could see how much more confident she was with her body and encouraged her to buy something sexy to wear.  It was then that he told her he wished he could take her out somewhere in that dress and show her off.  A few days later he told her he had seen something about a swing club online and would love to just go and see it.  He told her it would be the perfect place to wear her new dress.  Guess what?  She agreed and they are now regulars in the club.
For some people, entering the lifestyle can bring back memories of high school days.  When you get married, you stop looking for someone because you have someone.  Many people are not sure they want to be back in the “dating scene” at this stage of their life; they thought that was behind them.  Perhaps that was not an easy time for them and it’s not something they want to revisit.  For some women, it could be the thought that you might find someone “better” than her.  It would seem logical to me that when you first bring up the topic of swinging, your wife will want to know why you want to do this.  How you handle this could be the difference between getting her to try and abandoning the idea entirely.
For many couples there are different stages that precede swinging.  Many couples have been watching porn together and fantasizing about what some of the situations they see would be like for them.  They experiment with toys and positions, some even go to strip clubs together.
Rather than asking her flat out about swinging, perhaps talking about who and what she fantasizes about while you are having sex would be a good start.  Encourage her to understand that it is normal to have fantasies and that it turns you on to hear about hers.  When she gets to the point that she’s comfortable with this conversation maybe then it is time to suggest that seeing these types of scenarios would be so hot for both of you.  Tell her you read or heard about swinging and thought it would be fun to just check out a swing club; just the two of you.  If she feels no pressure she might surprise you and be willing to make a fun evening out of it.  The most important thing to remember is to do what you say.  If you tell her just a fun evening with no pressure, make sure that is all it is.
The hardest part for most couples is getting the unwilling partner into a club for the first time.  Most couples are surprised at how comfortable they felt and that it was nothing like they had imagined.  Going step by step and reassuring her that it is not for yourself but for the two of you as a couple is crucial.  Try to keep in mind any reasons that she has given you for not wanting to try a swing club.  If she has poor body image, tell her how beautiful and sexy she is.
 When you finally get her to agree to go to a swing club, make sure you pay attention to her when you are in the club.   Don’t let her feel like you are checking out every beautiful woman in the club or it will reinforce any insecurities she might have regarding swinging.  If you do have a chance to talk to other couples, make sure she feels that you have her back.  Hold her hand, play with her hair, do whatever it takes to make her feel special.  The better she feels about herself and her relationship with you when you are at the club, the more likely she will want to return.   Taking the time to help her to overcome her misgivings about swinging will pay off big time in the end.
The couples who remain in the lifestyle for a long time are the couples who entered the lifestyle slowly.  They did not rush to play with other couples right away and did not pressure their partners into doing things they were not comfortable with.
 If a man is truly interested in getting his wife into swinging, patience is a must!
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Vanilla couples; are they secretly wishing to explore the lifestyle?

Vanilla couple trying on Partners ID jewelry
Vanilla couple trying on Partners ID jewelry
 What separates vanilla folks from those in the lifestyle?  (For those who do not know the term, someone who is vanilla, is someone who is not in the lifestyle.) Is it that they are having such mind blowing sex with their spouse or significant other that they never even think about being with someone else? That seems highly unlikely.  It seems impossible to believe that every adult does not at some time fantasize about having sex with someone else. It is normal and it is human.  It does not mean that they will act on it, it strictly means they have thought about what it would be like.
Sex is a big part of adult life and although some people like to disagree, all we need to do is to consider the billion dollar porn industry.  If nobody is that interested in sex, who on earth is watching all of that porn?  How many marriages fall apart because one person wants sex and the other has lost interest?  One person has a choice at that point:  cheat or leave.
One thing that I really appreciate about swingers is that they are honest about sex.  They like sex, they want sex and they think it is normal to talk about sex.  They have learned to make the difference between sex and love.   They have learned how to channel their desire for sex and their desire for excitement, while staying in their committed relationship.  It’s a win – win.
We talk about the fact that swing clubs are trending and based on the number of vanilla couples visiting swing clubs, they are trending for sure.  What about the couples who have not explored the lifestyle?  What makes some couples take the plunge and others not?
Having been in the lifestyle for over ten years, we are at the point where most of our weekends are spent either at private parties or swing clubs.  We did have an obligatory dinner this past weekend with some vanilla friends and it was very interesting.  I noticed that after a few drinks there was a lot of flirting between the couples.  At one point (we were at someone’s home) a song came on and two of the women got up and danced together.  They were not provocative, but the men ran for their phones and were cheering them on.  My husband and I just sat and watched.  Obviously for us, this is nothing new, except that there was no touching and they were wearing clothing.  It occurred to me throughout the night that our vanilla friends had some sexual tension between them, but they kept it in check.  There is no way that they are acting on it but I couldn’t help but wonder if they don’t think about it at night when they go their separate ways.  They know we are in the lifestyle but never ask us about it so we do not offer any information.
Is it possible for some couples to be satisfied with these type of interactions and never consider acting on them?  I realize it must be, as most people are not swingers and would never consider this lifestyle.  Are these the type of couples that go on to have affairs?  Do they spend their lives secretly wishing they could be with someone else?  Perhaps for them it is too risky.
Perhaps this is what lifestyle couples have in common; they are risk takers.  There are always going to be exceptions to every rule, but in this case, it seems very possible that this is a common trait amongst many swingers.  Think about the people you know in the lifestyle.  Most of them are a little bit more daring than others you know.  When I consider the jobs swingers have, although they obviously cover a huge spectrum, there are some similarities.  We have met many doctors, lawyers, stock brokers, ex cops, veterans, firefighters, paramedics, etc.  What do all of their jobs have in common?  They are risky; they can never predict the outcome of what they do.  They are not like accountants or engineers or architects where things are mapped out so there is never room for a questionable outcome.  Interestingly enough, we rarely encounter accountants, architects or engineers in the lifestyle.
If couples are afraid of risk, the lifestyle is the last place you will find them.  Everyone who swings realizes that when you enter the lifestyle you lose a little control over your relationship.  You have to have a tremendous amount of faith in both yourself and your partner to be able to partake.  Imagine the man who thinks he wants to play with other women only until he sees his wife enjoy having sex with another man.  He took a risk.  He came into the lifestyle and allowed his wife to play with someone else.  For some people, they have enough confidence to believe their wife (or husband) will enjoy the moment and want only to be back with them.  Others will not have that confidence, so the risk is too high.  It is the same for women; sure my husband seems satisfied with  me now, but he might meet a prettier, slimmer woman with a better body.  What if she’s better in bed than I am?  How will things ever be the same with my husband again?  When you think about it this way, swinging can seem like a risk many couples would rather not take.
It is easy to understand vanilla couples acting as though they are perfectly happy with their marriage just as it is, and wanting us to imagine that their sex lives are perfect.  If they were to open up and say they are curious, or have thought about having sex with someone else, they might get invited into the lifestyle and they are not ready for that risk.  It would seem impossible to believe that if vanilla couples were truly honest with themselves that they could say they have never thought about having sex with someone else.  I guess the difference between couples who take the lifestyle plunge and those who don’t, is that swingers are more open and honest with their partners.  It can be very risky to even ask your partner if they will try the lifestyle, but for those of us who did, the rewards have been huge.
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In search of the missing condom… How can one little condom cause so many problems?

Shocked woman wearing Partners ID jewelry spotting a condom in her husband's hair
Shocked woman wearing PartnersID jewelry

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

There are some things that only swingers can relate to. There are situations that we find ourselves in that vanilla people simply cannot imagine.

We recently returned from a trip where we spent a few days partying with a group of lifestyle friends. The days were spent on a secluded beach and the nights were spent running between the jacuzzi and the den of a rented townhome. We drank a lot and had a lot of sex.

Upon my return home, my phone reminded me of my yearly gynecology exam the following morning. Everything was pretty routine until he did the internal part of the exam.

He stands up from his seat on a stool, pushes his glasses up on top of his head and looks me in the eye. “I think somebody lost something,” he said and with that holds up the forceps from which a used condom is dangling…

He knows I am married and had asked about my husband not 2 minutes before discovering the condom. To say I was mortified is a small understatement. I did not (could not) explain.

We had a house party recently and we are always very thorough in our clean up to be sure that there is nothing left behind. ( A rule I might want to consider after traveling with lifestyle friends!) We limit our guests to the family room and kitchen so that we don’t have to concern ourselves with the entire house. We checked under the couches and the couch cushions, under the coffee table and wall unit, emptied the garbage, scrubbed the bathroom, you name it. The following evening we had our children over for dinner. While we are eating my son touched something under the table and lifted the table cloth to see what was on the floor. Sitting on the table pedestal was a pair of men’s shoes. I don’t know how we missed them but we did. He picks them up off the floor and looks at my husband. Clearly, they don’t look like the style of shoes my husband wears and the size is much larger than what he wears. Yes, I know what you’re thinking because I was thinking exactly the same thing. How does someone leave a party without their shoes? It hardly mattered at that moment because we both stared at the shoes trying to think of something to say. I had nothing, I was actually laughing to myself about how ludicrous the situation was. My husband made up some lame story about borrowing the shoes but the more he rambled on the more ridiculous the story sounded. I glanced at my children out of the corner of my eyes and could see they were not buying one word. I really can’t imagine what they were thinking.

My husband brought his car in for service recently and when he went to pick up the car they handed him a large envelope and said they had found some personal items on the floor of the car and wanted to make sure they were returned to him. He thanked them and opened the envelope while waiting for them to bring the car around. Inside were 4 pairs of crotchless panties. When he looked up from the envelope the service representative was standing there with the car keys. “I see you got your items back,” he said with a grin on his face. My husband was mortified. He imagined everyone was watching him from inside the showroom as he got into his car. He said he was sure they thought he was having sex with hookers in his car when in reality he often puts my underwear into my boots when we play at the club. I remove my boots when I get into the car often forgetting about the underwear and they get lost under the seat.

We had plans to meet some lifestyle friends for an evening of fun and I was texting my friend’s husband to remind him to bring condoms as we had forgotten to pick some up when we were out. He sent me a sexually charged text and I shot one back to him telling what I was planning to do to him that evening. I didn’t hear back from him and figured he was busy. After playing with them that evening I asked him if I did everything I promised I would do to him. He looked at me with a funny expression and asked what I was talking about. I reminded him of the text I had sent that afternoon following his text to me. He grabbed his phone and scrolled down to look for my text. He was shaking his head no, that he had never received a followup text from me. That was not a very good feeling… I felt a little nauseous as I tried to imagine who might have been the recipient of that text message. I fumbled to find my phone dreading the thought of whose name I was going to find. Well, the good news is that it was not any of our children or relatives. The bad news is that it was not another lifestyle friend. It was an old employee of mine and needless to say there is nothing I can say or do about the text. It is an older woman and quite frankly I can’t begin to imagine what she was thinking when she received it! My only hope is that I never run into her!

As one can never hear too many condom stories, after leaving the club recently in the wee hours of the morning, some friends realized that they had stayed out much later than they had planned. They had a babysitter waiting for them at home so they dressed quickly and raced out of the club. When they pulled up to the house, my friend was grabbing some things from the back seat of the car while her husband went inside to get the babysitter. As my friend walked into the house she saw her husband walking in front of the sitter as they were getting ready to leave so he could drive her home. That’s when she spotted it. There was an open condom wrapper stuck to the back of his hair. The shiny psychedelic wrapper was glittering under the foyer light, impossible to miss. She looked over at the babysitter who was staring at it with a look of horror on her face. “What on earth was I supposed to say?” my friend asked in utter distress. Needless to say, although they really like this babysitter, neither of them are willing to face her so they have no babysitter for now.

These are just a small sample of horrifying events that happen to swingers. As I have said before, swingers can find themselves in some pretty hilarious situations, learning to think fast helps!

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A customer has an epiphany about wearing lifestyle jewelry.

 

Couple wearing Partners ID lifestyle jewelry
Couple wearing Partners ID lifestyle jewelr

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

We get a lot of email from our customers and are happy to report that so far it has all been very positive.  We recently received an email from a man I will call “Rob.”  He said he had made an important discovery regarding our lifestyle jewelry and thought we should share it with our readers.  Although he had heard about our lifestyle jewelry he said he was hesitant to purchase it because he had never seen it before.  We asked him where he lived.  When he told us we assured him that we had many orders from the city he lives in and that clearly, someone was wearing the jewelry.  The only reason we were so acutely aware of this particular customer is because he continued to email us regarding the jewelry.

Finally, he relented and purchased a necklace for himself and a bracelet for his wife.  A few weeks after he received the jewelry we heard from him again.

Dear Partners ID,

Surely you remember me as I have sent you at least a half dozen emails regarding your jewelry and my hesitation to purchase it.  I asked you if the jewelry was so popular with swingers, why hadn’t I seen it before.  I will now tell you the answer to this question:  Prior to owning a piece of the jewelry, I never really paid any attention to the jewelry that others were wearing.  My wife would comment on the size of a friend’s new engagement ring to which I would inevitably respond, “I didn’t notice.”  She once mentioned a gorgeous strand of pearls my mom was wearing to which again I responded, “I didn’t notice.”  It occurred to me that before I owned a piece of this jewelry, I never noticed what others were wearing because I did not really care.  All of the sudden, I put this necklace on and I am looking at everyone’s jewelry when I go out.  I realize that if I had seen it a dozen times in the past I would never have thought anything of it because I did not know that it had a meaning.  Brilliant!  What a concept!  Nobody will notice my necklace either as they do not know it has a special significance (unless, of course, they are swingers themselves)!  Thank you, Partners ID for bringing to life what the lifestyle world has been lacking for too long!  A way to identify others without exposing oneself!  I will surely keep my eyes open and will certainly be back in touch when we find what we are looking for!  Mums the word!

Adrian T.

San Jose, CA

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Infidelity and the lifestyle; how swinging helps couples avoid cheating on each other.

Happy couple clinking wine glasses
Happy couple clinking wine glasses

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

People who are not in the lifestyle, equate swinging with infidelity.  Obviously, for people who swing, this is absolutely untrue.   According to dictionary.com. infidelity means:

1.  marital disloyalty
2.  unfaithfulness
     Considering those two meanings, swingers are not being disloyal or unfaithful to their spouses.  Perhaps we should think of swingers as writng their own rules in their own marriages.  They have decided together, as a couple, to open their marriage to something more. Whether or not religious figures would agree that this is not adultery or infidelity is another topic altogether.

It is not uncommon to hear people who are not in the lifestyle to question why couples swing.  Besides that they imagine swingers to be perverted deviants, their perception of swingers is really off.  They have a hard time understanding why people would be open to having sex with someone other than their spouse.  More than that, they cannot fathom why swingers do not get upset with the fact that their significant others are doing this.

Let’s consider this:  if a department store invited you to visit anytime, and take what you needed for free, would you ever feel the need to steal something from them?   Silly question right?  How can you steal something if they are giving it to you for free?   Let’s say you are in school and need help on an exam and the teacher tells you anytime you don’t know an answer to just ask her and she will tell you. Would you need to copy off someone’s paper?  What would be the point?  The teacher has already offered the free help, right?  It is the same in the lifestyle.  Your partner offers to let you swing with other people, why would you need to do this behind their back?  That is not to say that it never happens because it probably does, but what it is the point?

It is very common when you speak with swingers to hear how surprised they were when they first entered the lifestyle to discover how in love swingers seemed to be.  It was exactly the opposite of what they had imagined.  If couples were so in love, what drove them into the lifestyle?  The best answer is probably honesty.

The relationship between a couple who chooses to swing has to be very open and honest.   In order to swing, they had to get to the point where they could admit that although they love each other, they would like to try something else.  It is normal for  couples to fall into a routine or rut with their sex life.  Some couples try to spice things up by watching porn, using toys, trying different positions or even going to strip clubs.  What happens when that is not enough?

For couples not in the lifestyle, unfortunately, they might look to someone else to fill that void.  Infidelity is exceptionally selfish.  One person in the couple chooses to find excitement that is lost with their partner while the other partner makes do with  the lack of fulfillment.  Sometimes both parts of the couple choose to be unfaithful to each other while maintaining  the facade of a wonderful marriage.  How long can that last?

When you consider the avenue swingers take, it seems more logical and loving.  Swinging is something couples do together.  They venture into the lifestyle as a couple not to find someone to replace their partner, but to find couples to spice up their sex life.  The excitement is something they experience together.  The only sneaking around these couples might be engaging in, is from their family and friends. Swinging creates a very strong bond;  you are naughty together.

When you consider the freedom that swinging brings to both members of the couple, who would feel the need to cheat?  Sure, there are always exceptions, but that shows a true character fault.  Generally speaking, swingers would agree that they have no reason to cheat.  Swinging helps them to avoid infedelity.

Many couples who have been in the lifestyle for many years reach different levels of comfort with separating while swinging.  Some couples have no problem allowing their significant other to play on their own while traveling or with friends they have met in the lifestyle.  They talk about how much pleasure they get just from hearing about the escapades of their partners.   The only request they make of each other is to tell them about what they do when they play on their own.  Some couples never separate and continue their swinging journey side by side.  Either way, the degree of trust and freedom is immeasurable compared with those not in the lifestyle.

Everyone is different and perhaps there are couples who never feel the desire to play outside their marriage.  It seems that number would be very low when you consider how rampant infidelity is.

My question to those not in the lifestyle is this:  why not try to explore together what both of you are secretly wishing for?  It is impossible to believe that every married adult at some point has not fantasized about having sex with someone else.  A neighbor, a  teacher, a coworker, someone famous or your spouse’s best friend.   The best part about swinging is that these are no longer secrets or fantasies!  You and your partner not only talk about what your sexual fantasies are, you experience them together.  What could be more honest and intimate than that?  That is what creates such a strong bond between swingers.   When you have everything you need at home, why would you need to go elsewhere?

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Newsflash:  Women are sexual beings who have fantasies and desires of their own. They also love sex!

Woman who loves sex in bed wearing Partners ID lifestyle necklace
Woman who loves sex in bed wearing Partners ID lifestyle necklace

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Sex is not simply something that only men enjoy.  Women get a tremendous amount of pleasure from it as well.  Why do women have such a hard time admitting this?

Why is a woman’s sexuality still such a confusing topic?  Why do so many people still believe that women are sexual simply to please men?  This stereotype still exists and casts a shadow over women who readily admit that they enjoy sex.  

Still, to this day, if a woman says she loves sex, this causes people to make assumptions about her:  She’s wild, she’s a whore, she will sleep with anyone, etc.  Where does this come from?  Why is it when men say they love sex (which they never have to say, it is always assumed) it is taken in stride?  It is normal for men to love sex but something is very wrong when a woman does. 

I can remember a conversation I had with some friends many years ago.  One woman mentioned that it was her husband’s birthday and so she gave him the obligatory blow job that morning.  It was something she was only willing to do once a year.  I was honestly in shock and blurted out, “Once a year?!  I give my husband a blow job every day!”  With that comment, all heads turned in unison to stare at me with mouthes wide open.  They all thought my husband must be some type of a monster to force me to do this.  Force me?  I explained that I loved pleasuring him and it turned me on to see him so excited.  All four women shook their heads in disbelief and the topic was dropped.  

I remember thinking that not one of them believed me when I said I enjoyed it.  Thankfully I didn’t tell them we had sex twice a day every day because I love sex.  I did wonder, after this conversation, why women had such a hard time believing that another woman could find pleasure in giving her man head.  Was I different?

The answer is, yes, I think I am different.  Different from many women simply because I am willing to admit that I love sex.  While it is certainly possible that not every woman does love it, I do believe that many more women love it than are willing to admit to it.  Why do women pretend not to love sex?  Certainly it is not always pleasurable if the person you are with is not very good at it.  There are however, toys and aids to help.  It is also a good idea to guide your partner if they are not good at understanding what you need or what feels good to you. Most men truly want to please their partner and prefer she tell him then leave him guessing.  Men also get pleasure from seeing their partner enjoying themselves and getting turned on.  If a man feels that a woman is having sex with him out of obligation, he will not enjoy it in the same way.

Many women seem a bit shy to express their desire for sex.  Let’s face it, we grew up learning that girls who love sex were dirty and easy.  They were thought to be indiscriminate in who they slept with and were willing to do anything to please a guy.  It seems nobody ever thought to ask a girl if perhaps she wanted to have sex with guys purely because she enjoyed it. 

I love sex but that does not mean that I am not particular about who I will play with.  I do not cruise around by day looking to pick up men for a quickie. I am also not a nymphomaniac.  There is nothing extraordinary about me.  I am a mother, a daughter, sister, employee, and wife who just happens to enjoy sex.  You wouldn’t be able to spot me on the street and think:  now there’s a woman who loves sex! 

The lifestyle seems to be the perfect fit for sexual women.  Swinging attracts women with all different types of sexual appetites.  It is a safe and comfortable environment for women who love to simply watch others have sex, to the opposite extreme of women who like gang bangs, and everything in between.  Nobody is there to judge, and this type of environment allows women to speak and act freely regarding their sexual desires.  It can be very liberating for women who always thought they were not normal simply because they love sex.  

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“I never thought it would happen to me!” A swinger’s story…

Couple wearing Partners ID jewelry, whispering
Couple wearing Partners ID jewelry, whispering

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Hi Partners ID.  I love reading your blog but I especially like to read the emails you recieve from folks who have had success with the jewelry.  Just like most things in life, I never thought it would happen to me but it did!  Magical!

We have been swingers for about 5 years and mostly seek out parties at hotels near where we live.  It can be a bit frustrating because we would like to have more of a swinger social life but we really don’t have a club close enough to drive just  for an evening.  

To try to satisfy our desire to immerse ourselves in swinging, we took a vacation in August to Hedonism.   That’s where we discovered your jewelry.  It worked like a charm in Jamaica because people could identify that we were swingers and so they approached us.  To be honest, we weren’t really sure if we would have any success with the jewelry back at home.

I wear my necklace everyday for two reasons:  first because I love the design and second, obviously, because I would like to meet other swingers.  

We live in a wonderful community and have met many of our neighbors since moving in last year.  We got a note in our mailbox a few weeks ago inviting us to their annual block party.  We are a very social couple and looked forward to spending the afternoon with everyone while hoping to meet some new people.  

We offered to help with the set up, and spent the evening before the party baking goodies to share with our neighbors.  We arrived early and were greeted by a couple we had not yet met.  They were quite a bit older than we are but were so warm and  welcoming.  They mentioned that their son and his wife would be attending the party and hoped we would get a chance to meet them.  

We were impressed with the turnout for the party!  There were well over 100 people out on the street enjoying the food, music, games and socializing.  At one point my husband left me talking with another couple to run back and get us some drinks.  He ran into the older couple that we had helped with the set up.  They were with their son and his wife and were thrilled to be able to introduce them to my husband.  

A short time later my husband returned and he was wilth another couple who seemed anxious to meet me.  I politely excused myself and went over to meet them.  With a big smile on his face my husband introduced me to this couple, who are about the same age we are.  I went to shake the man’s hand and he pulled me in for a kiss.  I was a little stunned until he whispered in my ear  to look at his bracelet.  Sure enough, there it was!  He, too, was wearing your jewelry!  OMG I was so excited to meet them!  We spent the entire rest of the day with them and the next night as well!  The best part is, since his parents are our neighbors, they come to town quite often.  

Such a great concept!  Thank you again for what you are doing for the lifestyle!  Like I said, it’s magical!

~Lisa and Doug

Colorado (too small a town to name!)

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Is swinging merely friends expressing their friendship sexually?

Swinger friends on the beach wearing Partners ID jewelry
Swinger friends on the beach wearing Partners ID jewelry

 

 

 

Is swinging merely friends expressing their friendship sexually?

We get a lot of emails not only our customers, but from people who are curious about swinging. We recently received an email from someone who could not understand the dynamics of swinging. Sadly, like so many people who are not in the lifestyle, they wondered if every friendship swingers enter into was ultimately with the hope of swinging.

I can hear every swinger around the world groaning, and believe me, I feel your pain. First of all, swingers are not sexual deviants disguised as normal people. (Perhaps some are, but not most.) Even when swingers go to a swing club, lifestyle resort or party, most are not open to playing with everyone at the club or event. Just like vanilla people, swingers choose to be with people that turn them on. Believe it or not, even if they find a vanilla friend or coworker attractive, they will not pursue them for sex. It simply does not work like this.

I remember my husband confiding in a close vanilla friend, years ago, that we were in the lifestyle. What do you think his first question was? He wanted to know if my husband and I had talked about having sex with he and his wife. Now this was awkward. The truth is, we had never even thought about it. They are nice people, but since they are not swingers, it never came up in conversation. Believe it or not, he seemed insulted by the answer. Who’s crazy now?

What we discovered is that although vanilla people don’t want you to hit on them, they want to believe that you would be sexually attracted to them if they were swingers. (Shaking my head.)
The second question was whether or not we had interest in anyone in our circle of vanilla friends. Again, no, we never thought about it.

Swingers will tell you that if they do not get a radar reading about another person or couple being active in the lifestyle, chance are, they are not thinking about having sex with them. That is not to say that swingers never fantasize about friends and coworkers, but that is different from contemplating hitting on them!

Back to the original question: is swinging merely friends expressing their friendship sexually?

Many swingers have lifestyle friends that they do not have sex with. They enjoy their company, as you would any vanilla friend, but they are not attracted to each other. Sometimes you are strictly sexually attracted to a couple but have nothing else in common. You play with them but do not seek them out socially. Swinging is a lot like dating. With some people you hit it off and the chemistry is right so there is sex. With others, there is no chemistry, but yet you enjoy each other’s company so perhaps remain friends. Still then, there are people with whom you have chemistry with but little else in common.

Swinging is really not such a complicated phenomenon. Perhaps the easiest way to think about swinging is like dating for couples. Dating for swingers, however, at times seems like the opposite progression from actual dating. Couples seek out other couples for sex. Sometimes you all enjoy each other’s company and a friendship is born; other times you remain acquaintances and say a quick hello when you see each other. Some couples prefer to follow the same pattern as regular dating: they like to meet couples that they have something in common with and then have sex. The problem is when you are dealing with four personalities, it can be much more complicated to find a good match where everyone is happy.
For this reason, many couples simply look for the sexual chemistry first and the friendship second.

If swinging were merely friends expressing their friendship sexually, swingers would be having sex with all of their lifestyle friends and they are not. What is different about friendships within the lifestyle is that they are sexual in nature. Swingers talk freely about sex and are not shy to be naked in front of each other. What brings them together as friends is their uninhibited attitudes.

For those of you who are asking about the lifestyle I encourage you to check it out. The worst case scenario is that it is not for you. At least this way you know what it is all about and whether or not it is something that interests you. I will say that for people who are curious enough to ask about it, chances are the lifestyle is something you will enjoy!

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If sex and nudity are natural, why then do both make people so uncomfortable?

Woman removing panties for sex wearing Partners ID jewelry
Woman removing panties wearing Partners ID jewelry

 

 


Why are Americans so shy when it comes to sex?  Let’s face it, if people were not having sex, we wouldn’t be here.  When you think about it, it is surprising that pregnant women are not trying to cover up when they start to show, after all, everyone who sees them will know they had sex!  What must their parents think?  At this point you are thinking this is silly, right?   We are proud and happy when our children, grandchildren, siblings and friends are expecting; we don’t think about sex when it comes to pregnancy.  It is a beautiful thing!  Yes, it is, but so is sex and so is a naked body.  Even the names of our body parts embarrass us! You rarely hear people speak of their penis or vagina. Certainly over the course of your life you have had reason to mention them to others, no?  If the title of this article had the word vagina in it, people might be embarrassed if someone saw that they were stopping to read the article.  It seems that this is more of an American hangup (when compared to most European countries and Canada). Why are we so shy?  When does this start?

From the time we are children we are taught that our “private parts” are, well, private.  We shouldn’t touch them or talk about them and most definitely, we should never let anyone see or touch them.  It is understandable with all the sick people in the world that parents want to protect their children from harm, but are they doing them a disservice?  I would bet that most American parents feel justified and think this is the best way to protect their children.  Perhaps it is, but wouldn’t it be healthier to adopt a more casual approach toward teaching children about their bodies?  Allowing children to see their parents naked would probably help them to know that nudity is not something to be ashamed of.  Many times you will see children with their parents at a nude beach yet they are almost never American.  European women think nothing of taking off their bathing suit tops yet American’s are very shy at the notion.

I happen to catch the show “Project Runway” recently and the models for the challenge were nudists and the contestants had to design an outfit that would keep them warm but that they would feel comfortable wearing.  When the models were called in, they were naked.  I could not believe how uncomfortable the contestants were!  The models were completely relaxed and had no compunction standing naked while they discussed clothing options.  When they left the contestants were in shock!  Why?  Had they never seen a naked body before?  When you consider this, it really is not normal.

The same situation exists when talking about sex.  Obviously, at some point in time, everyone will have sex.  We have sex education classes in school yet somehow we never actually talk about sex.  We talk about conception in terms of sperm and eggs but never penis and vagina.  We learn about fallopian tubes, the uterus and ovaries but never about the clitoris or g-spot.  We learn that a male will get an erection but never about the pleasure both male and female will experience during intercourse.  Orgasm, let’s get real, that word never came up in class.

Parents usually at realize they must have “the talk” with their children at some point,  but what are they actually talking about it?  Besides giving them information about pregnancy and STDs, do they explain anything further?  Most do not.  No discussion about what feels good or how it is normal to touch yourself.  Their embarrassment simply tells us that sex is something so embarrassing, that they cannot really discuss it with us.  Most kids would agree that their parents seemed elated when “the talk” was finished and you had no questions.

I can remember as a child taking a field trip to the zoo.  The monkeys started having sex as our group of fifth graders were being led by their caged area.  The guide told us not to stop and to hurry past the cages.  He was very embarrassed and refused to let us stop to see the exhibit.   He called them naughty monkeys and chided them through the cage as he moved us past them.  What kind of message was he sending us?   Back at school when we questioned our teacher about it, she told us the monkeys were being silly.  Silly?  Would it not have been more educational to say they were doing something natural?

This might explain why even as adults, people rarely talk about sex.  Before entering the lifestyle, when we spent all of our time with vanilla friends, it was rare that we talked about sex.  If we did, it was joking around about a funny incident such as having the kids walk in on us or trying to find time when the kids weren’t around, etc..  We never spoke about specifics or laughed about new toys.  If we spoke about our new passion for anal sex I’m not sure we would have ever seen any of these “friends” again.   The nice thing about lifestyle friends is that you do talk about sex and nothing is off limits.

We certainly are not born thinking there is shame in our naked bodies so where and why do we learn this?  We know that by the time puberty hits we go to great lengths to keep our bodies to ourselves as we are somewhat ashamed of the changes taking place. We can all remember the difficulty of changing for gym class and can now look back and wonder why our parents and educators did not attempt to lessen our discomfort with some education.  Sure, we learned about puberty, but laughed about it through every class with intense embarrassment.

What is it about our naked bodies that make us so uncomfortable?  I imagine for women it is their perception that they have less than perfect bodies, and when exposed, everyone can see their flaws (whether real or imagined).  For men, perhaps it is a combination of the size of their penis, and how they measure up to other men.  It is also perhaps the fear of arousal while exposed (at an inappropriate moment).  This is a possibility for men mostly because they are not used to being naked and seeing others naked.  Like anything else, they would be desensitized if being naked were not so taboo.  When you spend time at a nude beach, it is rare to see a man with an erection.  Even when you do, most people would agree, it is not a big deal as we have all seen it before!

When you become part of the lifestyle, you discover how liberating it is to get past this.  You learn to undress in front of others and discover that nobody is pointing and laughing.  Regardless of body size and type, hair or no, tattoos, piercings and scars, nobody is ever pointing or laughing.  Taking your clothing off in front of your friends at a nude beach or resort is incredibly liberating!  To feel the warmth of the sun on your entire body is worth the risk of the momentary pang of discomfort the first time you undress in public.  You will also discover that it feels very normal when everyone is also naked. The conversations about sex and your personal sex life will become a part of your life as well.  When you realize how liberating the lifestyle is you will wonder how people can go through their entire life covering up some of the most genuine things about themselves.  Sex is something beautiful and natural and talking about it is normal!  When you swing you also begin to see sex as something beautiful even when it is shared.  Society is so rigid in its beliefs about monogamy and clothing that it keeps us from truly acting in a way that is perhaps more natural than we realize.  Maybe the monkeys are right in the way they behave.  They act on instinct and seem to be just fine the way they are.  Do they really need humans to tell them what is right and to make them feel ashamed?  I personally prefer the attitudes I have discovered from the lifestyle.  How very liberating to finally be comfortable in my own skin and with my sexuality!

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