Embarrassing situations swingers find themselves in…

Are you a swinger?  If you are, you can definitely relate to some of these embarrassing (but true) stories!

My husband and I had my parents over for dinner a few nights ago.  We were sitting at the table enjoying our coffee when our dog skirted under the table to enjoy what I thought was something my father had given her from his plate of leftovers.  Before long she was looking for my mother’s attention so my mother was petting her absentmindedly.  Next thing I know, my mother holds out her hand to show us what the dog had deposited.  It was a chewed up condom package with (thankfully) the condom still inside.  My husband and I were literally sweating,  trying desperately to figure out how to explain this.  Since neither of us could think of anything to say we acted like we couldn’t imagine where she had gotten it.  I didn’t feel comfortable admitting we had had a party that weekend and always supply condoms for our guests to use while they play on the very couch you were sitting on before dinner.  Nope, I didn’t think that would go over very well.  The next morning I did phone her and say that it probably had been in my son’s bedroom and the dog had managed to find it.

You might want to pack a trench coat when you don’t know the destination.

A few weeks ago we were heading out on a Saturday night to a private party.  We know the couple who were throwing the party but we had never been to their home.   I usually bring something in the car to put on in case of an emergency (I have already had that problem two times).   We were in a hurry and I forgot until we were already on our way.  Since we were running late, I decided to forget about it for this one time.

We arrive at the address and to my surprise, it is a building.  Naturally, when we walk in there is a doorman, a man at the front desk and a gentleman who takes you upstairs in the elevator.  I feel especially pleased that I am wearing a super slutty outfit that is practically see through.  I imagined all three men watching us by video going up in the elevator taking bets on whether or not my husband had hired me for the night.

When we arrive at their condo, my friend opens the door and gets hysterical laughing.  She knew right away the shame I had to endure to get up to her apartment.  She was then concerned that I would be the first of many dressed like this and now the people downstairs would look at her differently.  Perhaps next time you might want to mention to lifestyle guests that there is a front desk!

Ordering online should be a private way to get what you want, right?

I love to dress up when we go to parties and clubs, and  I especially enjoy shopping for slutty clothing.  It can be difficult to find stores that carry this type of clothing so most of the time I shop online.

I placed an order with a store a few months ago and waited for the package to arrive.  It did not arrive as scheduled, so I checked the tracking.   It showed the package had been delivered.  I went back to see what address they had delivered it to since it was not mine.  When I looked it up, I realized the company had sent it to my old address!  I had the phone number for the new owners so I called her and asked if she had the package.  She said she didn’t think so but would get back to me.  She sent me a text message later that day saying it had indeed arrived and since she was on her way out, she would leave it at her front door for me to pick up.

I arrived at her house and pulled into the driveway.  I was anxious to jump out and just grab the package.  My old neighbor spots me and walks over to say hello.  I told her I was in a hurry but just needed to grab a package that was left at the door.  She says, “Yes, I know, Susan told me about the package.”  With that, she says goodbye and walks away.  I thought it was odd and couldn’t imagine why Susan would have mentioned it.

As soon as I approached the front door I understood why.  The package had been opened and clearly, she had seen what I had ordered.  OMG, how do I explain this?!  Everything I had ordered looked like something a dancer from a strip club would wear!

After taking some time to figure out how to explain this, I phoned her.    I told her this was not what I had ordered!  She said she was sorry she had opened it but had been expecting a package and just assumed that was her package.  She mumbled something about not really looking at what was inside but I could tell from the package that she had indeed looked at each piece!  We have not spoken since.

People in the lifestyle love to stop and smell the flowers, but what about stopping to smell the lube?

A friend had surgery recently and I went to visit her at home.  They live in the city so finding a place to park was a bit of a challenge.  I finally gave in and parked in a public garage.

When I was leaving, I turned out of the garage and as I drove past her building, I noticed her husband walking toward the entrance.  I honked and he came over to the car to say hello.  He was very excited and held up a bag to show me that he had been shopping.

I pulled over to the curb and he got in the passenger side to show me what he bought.  To cheer up my friend, he had gotten her some sexy lingerie, body powder, and some new lube.  He opened the bottle to let me smell it and as I leaned over to smell the bottle of lube someone knocked on my window.  I turn to see a policeman standing there asking me to roll down my window.  Not only was I parked in a fire zone but he wanted to see what we were sniffing.  I imagine he thought it was drugs.

Although sniffing lube isn’t illegal, it is still pretty embarrassing.    My friend held up the bottle for the policeman to see but he wanted me to hand it over.  I twisted the cap back on and reluctantly gave him the bottle.  After examining the bottle, he handed it back to me and informed us that public sex was a misdemeanor and suggested we move along!

Sex toys and children don’t mix…

A friend recently returned from a trip to New Orleans where she was visiting a child in college.  She had a wonderful time but since she and her husband spend every weekend at either a lifestyle event or swing club, it was very tame.

After taking her son and his roommate out for dinner, they walked my friend back to the hotel as they were heading out to meet friends.  After waiting a short time to make sure they were gone,  she headed out to see Bourbon Street at night.  She stopped at a bar and had a few drinks while mingling with the locals.

Soon after, she decided to take a walk down the street to see what was there.  She passed a shop that sold adult items and she walked in.  Excited to see such interesting toys, she decided to buy a friend an early birthday present:  a giant pink strap on.  They dropped her stuff in a plastic bag and she headed back toward the hotel.

As she was walking through the lobby, her son was talking to the person at the front desk.  When he spotted her, he rushed over to talk to her.  He had left his keys up in her room and needed them to get into his apartment.

They rode back up in the elevator together with his friend and she let them back into her room.  They seemed to be in no hurry to leave, so she sat on the edge of the bed and talked with them for a while.  She had to go to the bathroom so she got up from the bed and when she did, the package slid off the bed and the contents scattered across the floor.  Needless to say, she was mortified as the boys stared down at the pink strap on.  She chuckled and said it was a gag gift for a friend’s birthday.  She still gets upset just thinking about it.

Let’s be honest, sex happens

Although most swingers try very hard to keep the lifestyle a secret, it seems that something always happens to give others a clue that we are not as vanilla as we would like to have them believe.  Every time some embarrassing or revealing situation occurs or someone tells me about something that has happened to them, I wonder if most people don’t have secrets of their own.

I prefer my dog not bring condoms to my parents, but honestly, do they not have anything kinky going on in their life?  My neighbor can’t handle the thought that I would wear such sexy clothing?  Maybe she is using a strap on with her husband.  I don’t know!  For her sake, I hope they are doing something fun in their bedroom!  Does the policeman think lube is risqué?  Really?  With a job like his, I’m sure he has seen a whole lot more interesting things than that.  As for my friend’s son, he is in a fraternity.  Need I say more?

At least we are having fun!

One of the reasons I love the lifestyle so much is that we don’t pretend to be so puritanical.  We love sex, we have sex and we talk about sex.  We like to dress sexy and we like to have fun.  It would be impossible to revert to our old ways and I sincerely doubt that anyone in the lifestyle would want to.

Hopefully, in the future, people will loosen up and accept that sex is natural and normal.  I’m not expecting everyone to understand or participate in the lifestyle, I am just hoping that people will be open to the fact that it does exist and the people involved are just having fun with their partners.  It is an open and honest relationship that swingers have and hopefully one day, vanilla people will understand.

Until then, prepare yourself for the next mishap…

Be sure to check out our lifestyle jewelry!  New items arrive often and we are happy to create custom pieces!  https://www.swingersjewelry.net/jewelry-for-swingers/

Read more funny stories about swingers here: https://www.swingersjewelry.net/hilarious-swinger-situations/

A couple from Australia found a “very cute” swinger because of the jewelry!

 

 

Living in Australia we didn’t expect that after purchasing jewelry we would find another swinger very quickly.  How wrong we were.  We have only had our jewelry for about 3 weeks and were wearing it while out running some errands.  We stopped to grab a bite and while sitting in a corner booth, suddenly a man appeared out of nowwhere and was sitting next to me smiling.  We were  a bit confused but he pointed  to the pendant hanging from his necklace.  How wonderful this was!  Such a surprise and he’s quite cute to look at!  I am so pleased and wanted to thank you!  It really does help you spot other swingers and it really is around the world!  Bravo!

Infidelity and the lifestyle; how swinging helps couples avoid cheating on each other.

Happy couple clinking wine glasses
Happy couple clinking wine glasses

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

People who are not in the lifestyle, equate swinging with infidelity.  Obviously, for people who swing, this is absolutely untrue.   According to dictionary.com. infidelity means:

1.  marital disloyalty
2.  unfaithfulness
     Considering those two meanings, swingers are not being disloyal or unfaithful to their spouses.  Perhaps we should think of swingers as writng their own rules in their own marriages.  They have decided together, as a couple, to open their marriage to something more. Whether or not religious figures would agree that this is not adultery or infidelity is another topic altogether.

It is not uncommon to hear people who are not in the lifestyle to question why couples swing.  Besides that they imagine swingers to be perverted deviants, their perception of swingers is really off.  They have a hard time understanding why people would be open to having sex with someone other than their spouse.  More than that, they cannot fathom why swingers do not get upset with the fact that their significant others are doing this.

Let’s consider this:  if a department store invited you to visit anytime, and take what you needed for free, would you ever feel the need to steal something from them?   Silly question right?  How can you steal something if they are giving it to you for free?   Let’s say you are in school and need help on an exam and the teacher tells you anytime you don’t know an answer to just ask her and she will tell you. Would you need to copy off someone’s paper?  What would be the point?  The teacher has already offered the free help, right?  It is the same in the lifestyle.  Your partner offers to let you swing with other people, why would you need to do this behind their back?  That is not to say that it never happens because it probably does, but what it is the point?

It is very common when you speak with swingers to hear how surprised they were when they first entered the lifestyle to discover how in love swingers seemed to be.  It was exactly the opposite of what they had imagined.  If couples were so in love, what drove them into the lifestyle?  The best answer is probably honesty.

The relationship between a couple who chooses to swing has to be very open and honest.   In order to swing, they had to get to the point where they could admit that although they love each other, they would like to try something else.  It is normal for  couples to fall into a routine or rut with their sex life.  Some couples try to spice things up by watching porn, using toys, trying different positions or even going to strip clubs.  What happens when that is not enough?

For couples not in the lifestyle, unfortunately, they might look to someone else to fill that void.  Infidelity is exceptionally selfish.  One person in the couple chooses to find excitement that is lost with their partner while the other partner makes do with  the lack of fulfillment.  Sometimes both parts of the couple choose to be unfaithful to each other while maintaining  the facade of a wonderful marriage.  How long can that last?

When you consider the avenue swingers take, it seems more logical and loving.  Swinging is something couples do together.  They venture into the lifestyle as a couple not to find someone to replace their partner, but to find couples to spice up their sex life.  The excitement is something they experience together.  The only sneaking around these couples might be engaging in, is from their family and friends. Swinging creates a very strong bond;  you are naughty together.

When you consider the freedom that swinging brings to both members of the couple, who would feel the need to cheat?  Sure, there are always exceptions, but that shows a true character fault.  Generally speaking, swingers would agree that they have no reason to cheat.  Swinging helps them to avoid infedelity.

Many couples who have been in the lifestyle for many years reach different levels of comfort with separating while swinging.  Some couples have no problem allowing their significant other to play on their own while traveling or with friends they have met in the lifestyle.  They talk about how much pleasure they get just from hearing about the escapades of their partners.   The only request they make of each other is to tell them about what they do when they play on their own.  Some couples never separate and continue their swinging journey side by side.  Either way, the degree of trust and freedom is immeasurable compared with those not in the lifestyle.

Everyone is different and perhaps there are couples who never feel the desire to play outside their marriage.  It seems that number would be very low when you consider how rampant infidelity is.

My question to those not in the lifestyle is this:  why not try to explore together what both of you are secretly wishing for?  It is impossible to believe that every married adult at some point has not fantasized about having sex with someone else.  A neighbor, a  teacher, a coworker, someone famous or your spouse’s best friend.   The best part about swinging is that these are no longer secrets or fantasies!  You and your partner not only talk about what your sexual fantasies are, you experience them together.  What could be more honest and intimate than that?  That is what creates such a strong bond between swingers.   When you have everything you need at home, why would you need to go elsewhere?

Is a poor body image keeping you from enjoying ( or entering) the lifestyle?

Is a poor body image keeping you from feeling confident in the lifestyle?   Do you worry that having a less than perfect figure will make it hard to find couples who want to swing with you?

The lifestyle poses many challenges to both men and women.    It can be very difficult for someone if they are shy, insecure or become jealous easily.   It is even worse if someone has a poor self-image.  Having a positive self-image, especially regarding your body, is crucial if you are planning to swing.  Body image is defined as how you see yourself when you look in the mirror or how you picture yourself in your mind.  Sometimes these perceptions are accurate, but sometimes they are completely distorted. This image will affect how you carry yourself and how you interact with others.  Developing a positive body image and a healthy mental attitude is crucial to a person’s happiness and wellness.  It also plays a key role in success in the lifestyle.

Swing clubs, parties, and hotel takeovers are filled with scantily clad women wearing fishnet dresses, sexy lingerie,
and exotic mini skirts and dresses.  All of which show a lot of skin.  Many of these women are over the age of 40 and have bodies which indicate as much.  There are women who have beautiful, tight, fit bodies but they are not in the majority.  They are also not always the hottest or the most secure.  It seems that self-image plays a much larger role in what makes a woman desirable to both men and other women.  A beautiful, fit woman with poor body image (yes, there are many) seems to be less attractive to others than the overweight woman who is comfortable in her own skin. The lifestyle is not about the most attractive person or people, and it is important to remember that everyone is attracted to something different.  A person who is friendly and warm and seems genuinely interested in what you have to say will be much more attractive to you than someone who is the opposite; regardless of their physical appearance.

Men suffer from the same problem but regarding different aspects of their bodies.  Women tend to be focused on their weight, their breasts and any areas of their bodies they see as imperfect; cellulite on their thighs, a butt that is too large or too small, scars from past surgeries or c sections, etc.  Men tend to be more concerned with their height, their weight, their muscle mass and obviously the size of their penis, as compared with other men.  Interestingly enough, if you were to ask ten men to point out which woman they find most attractive, chances are you would get 6-7 different responses.  For women, it would probably be about the same.  Luckily, everyone is attracted to something different.   Imagine if everyone was attracted to the same person!

The lifestyle is supposed to be fun.  When people are too hung up about their bodies and their imperfections it can be a real downer.  Try to remember that swinging is for a short time and if you don’t take advantage of the moment, you will miss it.  Chances are if someone has chosen to swing with you, it is because they think it will be enjoyable.  If you cannot relax and savor the moment, you are not only wasting your night but the night of the person who is trying to have fun with you.  I sincerely doubt that while your partner for the evening is playing with you he is thinking about your thighs.  If, however, you are showing your insecurities regarding your thighs, he probably will look at them to decide if you are right.   When a woman is with a man who is less endowed than most, she will only care if it keeps him from being able to enjoy himself.  If he steps up and shows her he is confident with himself, she knows it will be a fun night regardless of his size.

Putting your insecurities aside for an evening will be in your best interest.   If you step into the play area with nothing but a smile, people will admire your confidence and appreciate that about you.  If you are open to people, they will look to join you, it’s that simple.  Big thighs, sagging boobs, cellulite and all, if you show people that you are ok with yourself, they will be ok with you.

Swing clubs, parties, and takeovers can be fun and exciting.  People come out to party and have a good time.  When you meet people, if they seem friendly and self-confident you are drawn to them.  If, on the other hand, you meet people who are shy and withdrawn, chances are you will move on to another couple.  It really is ok if you don’t think you are perfect because guess what?  Pretty much everyone else has the same insecurities that you have, the only difference is that they refuse to let it ruin their night!

Remember to check out our lifestyle jewelry!  New items are offered frequently and we are happy to take custom orders.

https://www.swingersjewelry.net/jewelry-for-swingers/

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Swingers: Why is it a secret that you are in the lifestyle?

 

Woman hiding under a hat wearing Partners ID lifestyle jewelry

 

Here it is, the year 2019!  Happy New Year!

It is normal to end one year and to begin a new one with some self reflection.  What you accomplished, what you did not, and to think ahead to the upcoming year.  Perhaps some of you make new years resolutions.  Whatever the case, it is normal to think about life during this time.

What are you hoping for this new year?

What do you hope this new year will bring?  Obviously, we all want world peace and good health.  Many wish for prosperity and other such things.  This is normal.  While I too, wish for these things, I also find myself continually asking myself about the things that never seem to change.  Sure, politics come to mind but that is another subject entirely.  For me, I cannot help but wonder why swinging is still seen as something taboo.  What on earth are we so ashamed of?

Are people still afraid to let others know that they are in the lifestyle?

Why do swingers feel the need to keep their lifestyle a secret?  I frequently hear swingers say that nobody knows that they are in the lifestyle.  They would die if someone found out.   Why is that?  What do people think when they hear someone they know is a swinger?  It reminds me of the time before I had ever had sex.   I couldn’t imagine how you could face the person you had sex with afterwards.  What would they think after they had seen you in such a compromising way?  How would others see you? Obviously I discovered that these fears were unfounded.  Nobody seemed to look at me any differently, and facing the guy who I was with was no problem.  So what is it that makes us fear discovery?

 What is it that swingers fear about exposure?

Curiousity got the best of me and so I started to ask swingers.  I asked a group of swingers if they are very religious, but they are not.  I wondered if their children were at an age that it would create confusion and uncertainty, but they are not.  Do they think they are doing something criminal or unethical?  They do not.  Hmm.  Would exposure embarrass them?   This question got a nod.   Embarrassed? Why?  In truth, swingers are doing something that most people wish they could do.  They have sex with others and it doesn’t destroy their marriage.  Why?  Because two consenting adults have agreed to enter into this together.  There are no lies or secrets.

Would friends and family alienate you if they found out you were having an affair?

Admitting that you are a swinger should be a lot less traumatic than admitting you are having an affair, no?  After all, one is cheating and lying to someone you say you are in love with, the other is not.  Cheaters sneak around, worrying that they will be caught.   Getting caught would disrupt their lives and the lives of those around them.  Swingers, on the other hand, are out having a great time together.  They are out enjoying parties and events with their significant other.  This is something that others only dream of.

I wonder how many swingers are truly living this lifestyle unbeknownst to their friends and family.  Probably not nearly as many as believe they are.  Often times I watch swingers arrive at a club clad in an over sized trench coat in the middle of the summer.  When I ask these women if their family or neighbors don’t find this strange they say they don’t think so.  Really?  It’s 90 degrees outside and you leave your house or condo wearing a trench coat cinched at the waste with stiletto heels and nobody thinks that’s odd?

What happens to couples who come clean about the lifestyle?

Many swingers have said that when they finally decided to disclose to friends and family that they were swingers, many were not surprised.  Many said they had known about it for years but understood the swinger couple wanted to keep it to themselves.  (If these were the trench coat women, it’s no wonder people knew.)

What about the family and friends who did not suspect this person or couple was in the lifestyle?  What was their reaction?  Were they shocked and appalled?  Not according to the people I have spoken with.  Most said that more than anything, they were curious about swinging.  They asked a lot of questions but did not seem to have a negative reaction.  Many couples said that both friends and many family members (mostly siblings), eventually asked if they could tag along one night to see what it was all about.

Stop apologizing for your lifestyle choices; it’s your life and your decision to make.

Like any other group, in order to gain acceptance, we must learn to stand up for what we believe in.  Swingers should not be ashamed of their lifestyle.  Obviously it is not necessary to divulge what you do when you are at a swing club, or party or other event.  Most people do not give blow by blow (pun intended) details to others about what they do in their bedrooms.  No need to reveal that you participated in a gang bang with 15+ men last Saturday. Nobody needs to know that you tried double penetration for the first time and loved it.  Many swingers don’t swap, and many people in the lifestyle are not swingers.  Enjoying the warm atmosphere that accompanies the lifestyle is a wonderful thing and people should not have to hide from it.

Why do people find it acceptable to learn that many famous couples are swingers?  Why are they held to a different standard than the rest of us.  Because they are famous?   Some are highly influential people and they do not deny that they are swingers.  Famous people frequently answer questions about their lifestyle and seem quite comfortable doing so.

What does wearing lifestyle jewelry actually say about you?

Wearing our jewelry means that you are open minded.  If you think about it, being a part of the lifestyle really doesn’t mean more than that.   If your children or parents told you the same thing, would it concern you?  Although it might surprise you, you would  be happy to see them happy.

When we initially came up with the concept for the jewelry, we had just this vision in mind.  Wear the jewelry with pride.  First of all, others do not know what it means.  Secondly, even if they did, what does it really say about you?  It says that you are an open minded person.

Let’s continue the movement to unite the lifestyle.  People in the lifestyle could really teach others a lot about relationships.  Honesty, respect and fun are the three hallmarks of the lifestyle.  What could be better than that?

To see our collection of lifestyle jewelry click here:  https://www.swingersjewelry.net/jewelry-for-swingers/page/2/

A New Year’s Eve story that almost didn’t have a happy ending.

New Year's eve couple wearing Partners ID lifestyle jewelry

My wife’s favorite night of the year happens to be New Year’s Eve.  She loves shopping for a special dress, getting her hair done and spending the night at her favorite swing club.

My wife and I have been in the lifestyle for a long time (almost 20 years).  Our social life is limited to swing clubs and private parties, meet and greets and Sunday fundays.  We vacation at Desire and try to catch at least one lifestyle cruise every year.  Yes, we are hard core but this is our life and we love it.

We spend every Christmas in South Florida visiting my parents.   We discovered Trapeze about 10 years ago and have been going there every New Year’s Eve since discovering this club.  This year was to be no exception.  

We arrived in Florida for Christmas Eve and settled in for our 2 week stay.  Everything was great until we got a phone call early December 31 from her mother.  Her dad was admitted to the hospital with chest pains and they believed he had suffered a heart attack.

We soon boarded a plane and headed to Connecticut to see her dad.  Our only thought at this point was her dad and his health.

Long story short, we arrived at the hospital and her dad was resting comfortably.  He had not had a heart attack but did require a stent to prevent one.  He was fine and would be released the next morning.  We drove her mom home and she wanted nothing more than to sleep.

So here it is New Year’s Eve, in Connecticut, and we have no place to go.  Since my wife did not actually grow up in Connecticut, she is not familiar with the night life.  It was getting late so we decided to at least try to find a restaurant where we could enjoy a nice dinner.  

Not far from where her parents live is a tavern that advertised live music and dancing.  At least it was something!  The bar was lively with groups of people out to celebrate New Years Eve.  They had a large screen tv set up to watch the ball drop in Times Square.  My wife and I were anxious to relax and enjoy the evening and ordered some drinks.  Luckily we were seated at a table quickly and were able to get some food.  

After we finished eating we were happy to join the party goers out on the dance floor.  We had about 30 minutes before midnight and spent the entire time dancing.  

Our attention turned to the dj as he counted down the remaining 10 seconds of 2018.  As he screamed happy new year at exactly midnight, I turned to kiss my wife.  Just as we kissed, a couple appeared next to us, telling us they were next.  I was totally caught off guard when this attractive woman started kissing me right on the mouth.  As I turned to look at my wife, she and the man were deep into a french kiss of their own. 

I took a step backward to try to see if we knew this couple.  The woman reached over and tugged at my necklace.  “We have these too,” she said, which made me smile right away.   We spent the rest of the night with this couple and that is how new years was saved!  Obviously we are so grateful that we wear this lifestyle jewelry because without it, we would have not have met them.  It was a wonderful and memorable evening!

Happy New Year to everyone!

Cheers!

Alex and Anna

Ashburn, VA

Remember to check out our lifestyle jewelry here:  https://www.swingersjewelry.net/jewelry-for-swingers/

Lifestyle friends are the best friends you can have!

 

3 lifetsyle friends wearing Partners ID jewelry, smiling
3 lifetsyle friends wearing Partners ID jewelry, smiling

Lifestyle friends are the best friends you can have.  It occurred to me this morning when I got a call from a friend in the lifestyle.  This friend and her husband were away for the week and she wanted to catch up.  The  conversation opened with her telling me that she had finally tried double penetration during their stay at a lifestyle resort.  She then filled me in on all the sexy details of their trip.  She gave me blow by blow details of the parties, the playrooms even what she wore to the different events.  Luckily her husband had packed some viagra because towards the end of their stay he was in need!

When I hung up the phone I was smiling just thinking about all the fun they had.  Just then, my phone rang again and it was a very good friend who is not in the lifestyle.  When I asked how her weekend was, she told me it was great.  They had dinner with her husband’s law partners on Friday and went to a wine tasting on Saturday.  On Sunday she took a yoga class and that was all she had to report.

Hmm.  I wonder if they had sex.  I was tempted to ask but decided not to as it is not something we generally talk about.  She asked me how my weekend was and I said it was nice.  We went to a swing club on Friday and rolled home around 3:30 in the morning.    Saturday we hosted a party at our home and within an hour of our guests arriving, we were all naked in the hot tub having sex.  Some guests slept over and the party continued until late Sunday night.  Of course, I told her none of that but instead said we did the usual, nothing special, which in essence, is true.

When I was done on the phone it occurred to me that there is such a huge difference in my relationship with these two women.  One woman I have known for the past 25 years and the other for about two years.  I have had sex with one of their husbands, the other I have not.  I have played with one of the women, the other I have not even kissed.  We have shared everything from husbands, to underwear to sex toys.   My lifestyle friend knows the true me.  When I have a real issue, it is she to whom I turn, not the friend that I have known for 25 years.  That says a lot.

The depth of the relationship between lifestyle friends and vanilla friends cannot compare.  It was the first time I realized how well my vanilla friend would say she knows me when in fact, she does not really know very much about me at all.   When you must keep a secret that is such a huge part of who you are from someone, is that friendship not slightly tainted?

I think everyone in the lifestyle at some point, considers telling either friends or family about swinging.  Most people never reveal this to anyone in their outside life because they do not think people would find this acceptable.  They prefer to keep that part of their lives a secret, which is totally understandable.  There is no doubt that there are people who would not be okay with what swingers do.  Is that a reason to break a friendship?  Swingers are not looking to lose their vanilla friends because they swing but are their vanilla friends going to drift away if they find out?  Do men and women differ on this?  Are men more curious and less judgmental than women?

When we were new to the lifestyle we did confide in a couple that were close friends at the time.  We were not as available as we had been in the past and they were concerned.  Obviously they were shocked when we told them that we were spending time at a swing club.  It was awkward to get through dinner with them because after we confided in them,  the woman became very quiet.  The man waited until the next day and phoned my husband at work to ask him all about it.  He wanted to know if we would invite them to come with us to the club one night.  Clearly, this couple was not on the same page.  The woman basically disappeared from my life after that night and her husband remained friendly with my husband.

When you think about a “good friend” walking away because of your lifestyle choices, it makes you question the integrity of the friendship.  What does the fact that we swing have to do with our vanilla friends?   We haven’t actually changed as people.  We do enjoy activities which might not seem right to them but should they be judging us?  They were friendly with us for many years not having a clue that we went to strip clubs very often.  Having weekly lap dances by girls did not seem to make me lesser of a friend, but I suppose it’s because they did not know about it.

Lifestyle friends are more honest.  They are honest with their spouses and they are honest with themselves.  They are not afraid to be open and it makes for an incredibly enriching relationship.  Even if double penetration is not my thing, I would never judge her for participating in it.  It’s her body and her decision.  The best part is she knows I would never judge her for anything she chooses to do as long as it isn’t hurting anyone.    There are women who love to be a part of a gang bang.  They want upwards of 5, 10 maybe 15 men to have sex with in one night.  Never have I heard anyone in a swing club judge these women for what turns them on.  Who are we to judge?

Most couples would agree that over time the lifestyle creeps up on us and before we realize it, the majority of our friends are swingers.  Dinner parties for us do not include food and it doesn’t really matter what you are wearing to a party because it won’t stay on for long.  Sleepovers are common occurrences and we think nothing of sharing lube and sex toys.

My friend and her husband spent a weekend at our home not too long ago.  We naturally played with each other’s husband and after she asked me if I enjoyed it.  I said I did and she said, “I just wanted to make sure he took care of you or I would be mad at him.”  Of course, she was joking but is that not a good friend?    When I told her how I felt she said, “That’s what friends are for, no?”

Lifestyle friends are the kind of friends that you can count on for just about anything.  Although we share the sexual side of our lives with each other, that is not all it’s about.  It’s a community of close knit friends who can sit on each others laps on a nude beach and drink from each others glasses without anyone giving you a funny look.

With these friends you can say what’s on your mind and nobody will judge you for it.   If you give your friend’s husband a back massage (or blow job) there is no jealousy or concern.  You can speak openly about something of concern and you will notice ten people trying to help you sort things out.  Lifestyle friends are old enough to be our parents and young enough to be our children, yet age is not a factor in our friendship.

It’s a wonderful thing to know that there is a whole community out there that has your back.  Sure, vanilla friends can be wonderful, supportive and warm, but if they can’t know your true essence, they can only be so close.  I don’t keep secrets from my lifestyle friends but I cannot say the same about my vanilla friends.  That says it all.

Lifestyle jewelry makes the perfect gift for both your lifestyle friends and lovers!  Check out the jewelry here:

https://www.swingersjewelry.net/jewelry-for-swingers/

We are getting  new pieces in almost every day for the holidays so be sure to check back often.  Don’t see what you are looking for?  We custom design jewelry to meet your every need.  Simply send us an email and we will work with you to get what you want.

 

 

 

 

 

Sex and aging; did I just meet a bunch of swingers in an assisted living facility?

Seniors laughing about sex wearing Partners ID jewelry

 

Is sex something only enjoyed by the young? Every swinger I know would say this is completely untrue.  Here I discovered how wrong this statement actually is. 

I recently went to visit a relative of mine who lives in an assisted living facility.  I’m sure you have seen one.  It houses mostly elderly people who live in their own apartments.  They generally eat their meals and spend their days downstairs in a common area.  Many people use walkers and many have oxygen tanks, which they push in front of them.  The concept is wonderful as it offers people a variety of daily activities to keep them busy and entertained.  

It was my first visit to this place and she gave me the grand tour.  She showed me the card room, the bowling alley, the shuffle board area, the movie theater, etc.  The place was quite impressive and I remarked how she must love all it has to offer.  Although she said she enjoys some activities, she mentioned that she really loves to swim more than anything else.  This place has a pool so it seemed logical that she would spend her time there.  When I asked if she swam often, she told me she does not.  Apparently there is an issue with the pool…

What she told me next I found a bit shocking.  Swimming would be wonderful if “Dave” were not always hanging around the pool.  It seems she and “Dave” had a brief fling in the past.  “For me it was just sex, but he was hoping for more.”  It is important to note that this woman is 92 and “Dave” is in his late 80s.  The conversation at this point turned to what really happens here at this facility. 

We generally do not think in terms of elderly people in sexual terms, but it seems that we are all mistaken.  At first I thought perhaps my great aunt was different.  I considered that maybe my high sex drive is genetically linked to this woman.  Evidently, sex amongst the residents of this complex is rampant.  As we walked into the dining room, my great aunt pointed to different people and gave me a brief synopsis of each person’s sexual past.  If what she was telling me was accurate, swinger’s should look forward to their futures!  They will no longer have to drive to a swing club at night!  This place was a 24 hour party!

Of course there was no hint of any gang bangs or threesomes, but she did point out one man who liked to fondle women without their permission.  When I asked if the administration has tolerance for this type of behavior she was quick to tell me no.  This man is on probation and will be asked to move if there are any more complaints against him.  

It seems there is quite a bit of activity that goes on at night behind closed apartment doors.  There are many established “couples” but there are also residents with a reputation for availability for an evening of fun.  Mind you, some of these people are in their mid nineties.  I did ask at one point if sex is still enjoyable and my aunt was quick to tell me yes.  It seems these gentlemen have access to Viagra (compliments of Medicare) and they are not shy to pop them into their mouths in full view during dinner time.  Night life here begins around 7:00, most like to be in bed by 10:00 pm.  

The second glass of wine they served with lunch gave me the nerve to ask about the act itself.  My aunt explained that sex changes simply because many people are not able to physically accomplish what they could do in the past.  Sex was more stimulating each other, intercourse was rare.  The younger men were very popular with the more sexually active older women simply because they could still have intercourse.  

I asked if she thought most of the residents were actually still having sex and my aunt could not answer.  She believes that this dining room was somewhat like high school all over again.  There were groups of friends, some more popular than others.  Some people always sat alone and the same groups always congregated to the same tables.  Her group was outgoing, flirtatious and drinking a lot of wine.  Some other tables acted similarly, but most seemed quiet and reserved.  Once you were a part of a “group,” you did not get to know the other residents very well.  If they were all doing what those in her group were doing, then yes, everyone was having sex.  

After lunch I said my goodbyes and left.  Who knew that a trip to this assisted living facility would uncover a twenty-first century Peyton’s Place?  Behind the doors of this seemingly innocent home for the elderly, is a community of residents craving the same physical attention as their younger counterparts.  What most of us see when we visit a place such as this are their walkers and oxygen tanks.  Most people don’t stop to consider that although their bodies have aged, their needs have not. 

What I wondered most when I left was whether the sex was a physical need or an emotional one.  Are elderly people craving the physical closeness of another or did they truly retain their sex drives?  From what I was told, it was simply a sexual desire.  It explained why my aunt does not want to swim any more.  She was not interested in a relationship, just still enjoyed the sex.  Never in my wildest dreams did I think my visit would turn into a lesson on sex and the elderly!

To be honest, when I thought about her group of friends at lunch, there was something familiar about their camaraderie.   Obviously, she does not know I am in the lifestyle but something told me that maybe she is too…

It left me wondering if perhaps I should be selling lifestyle jewelry to them.

The holidays are fast approaching!  Lifestyle jewelry makes a great gift for your lovers and friends!  It is a very popular host/hostess gift for private parties.  Click here to see the jewelry:

www.swingerjewelry.net

Swinging; how do I bring up the topic to my significant other?

Wearing Partners ID jewelry is a good way to meet others in the lifestyle.

The most common question asked of swingers seems to be, “How do I get my husband/wife/girlfriend, etc. into the lifestyle?”  There are many people out there who know about swinging and would like to swing, but don’t know how to bring up the subject.

We have gotten quite a few emails from people who actually ask us this question. I’m not sure how I became the “Dr. Ruth” of swinging but I really don’t mind trying to help.

The majority of the time, this question comes from a man, but we have had women ask us as well. The interesting part is that several of the people said the same thing. We talk about having sex with others when we are having sex and she seems really turned on by the thought.

It is always a good sign if you have a good sexual relationship and can talk about things before you bring this up. It would seem to me that when you approach the subject, it should not be in the bedroom. Many people like to fantasize to get excited but are not really prepared to act on these erotic imageries. Several men said their wives get very turned when talking about having sex with multiple men at once. The operative word here is talk. There is a good chance that she is not prepared to actually do this in real life. So how can you make this happen?

Try talking about how much you love when she/he is so turned on when the two of you have sex. You love that she likes to watch porn or to fantasize and it is amazing that the two of you can share this together. Mention that something you have always fantasized about was seeing other people have sex. Live sex, not on tv. How hot would that be?  This way you mention your desire to find a place where you can actually watch others having sex, but you are not making your partner feel that they will have to be a part of it.

Check her reaction to a suggestion such as watching live sex. Does she look at you like you are crazy or does she have a flicker of interest? If you get the ‘you’re crazy’ look, drop it and mention it again in a few days. This time maybe say you came across this swing club online or in a magazine or a newspaper. After a while, she might get used to the thought and should be willing to just go and take a look. Again, it is extremely important to let her know that you just want to see it. That is all you want. This is, the first step.

Most women I have met in the lifestyle agree that it was not their idea to enter a swing club or check out any type of lifestyle venue. It is almost always the man’s suggestion. However, I will tell you that the woman is the one who requests to return. That being said, the major obstacle for most couples, is getting your partner to walk through the front door for the first time.

The smartest approach for many men seems to be to give the woman control of the situation from the very beginning. When you are able to get her to agree to try it out for one night, encourage her to buy something new that will make her feel good. It is not important that she dress overly sexy, only that she feel good about herself. Try not to be overly eager about getting to the club or event. If you take a more casual attitude towards going, it will make her less nervous. Most important of all, is when you arrive for the evening, make sure she is your number one priority. Check to make sure she is comfortable. Make her feel special and attractive. If you walk in and start ogling all the other women, she will not like the environment from the get go. It is ok to be friendly, but let her take the lead and decide who she is comfortable talking to or not talking to. The same goes for a woman bringing a man. If you start to flirt with other people right away, your partner will feel insecure. Swinging must be about the two of you as a couple. If you leave your partner in the background during your visit, chances are, you will not be returning to any type of lifestyle event with them in the future.

The lifestyle is an amazing, exciting and warm environment. There is no real reason why anyone would not enjoy it, as long as it is approached the right way. The number one problem that couples seem to have, which stops them from ever getting comfortable in the lifestyle, is jealousy. Nobody enjoys feeling insecure or left out. If you do not make it a priority to see to it that your partner is comfortable, they will not want to put themselves in this situation again, and who can blame them?

When you are new to swining, it is very important to take your time. Do not enter the lifestyle and think you should swing right away. It is more important to get adjusted to the situation before you take the plunge. Make sure that when you think you are both ready to take the next step, you have discussed it and know what you are both comfortable with. Always make sure to notice if your significant other is ok if you do swap with another couple.

At the end of any night together it is a good idea to talk about the experience to make sure she/he was happy and comfortable with what happened. As long as you keep the lines of communication open from the start, you should have no trouble joining the lifestyle and making it a smooth transition. Swinging should be something wonderful for both members of a couple. It cannot work if one person is dragging the other person into it against their will.

Good luck and keep us posted!!

An honest blog from a unicorn; you may be surprised by this!

 

We asked unicorns to please help others in the lifestyle to understand (honestly) why they are in the lifestyle and what they are looking for.  Here is one very honest answer.  It might surprise some people to read!

For those of you who are not familiar with the term, a unicorn refers to a single woman who swings.  They are hard to find in the lifestyle but are a curiosity to many people.  People seem to always want to know what brings a single woman into the lifestyle.

Here is her story:

I was married for 6 years and for 3 of those years my husband and I were in the lifestyle. Although we were happily married, we parted ways because he got a job overseas.   I could not bear to move there and leave my family behind.  My parents were not in good health and I am an only child. We are still friendly and perhaps one day we will reunite.

This is how I became a unicorn. As I live fairly close to the swing club my husband and I used to frequent, it was natural for me to return after he left.  I spend at least one or two nights a week in the club. Many people at this club were friends with us as a couple  so it is easy for me to be there alone. I love to dance and for the small price I pay, I have a full buffet dinner and breakfast. Can’t beat that!

There are a few reason why I remained in the lifestyle.  First of all, it is something that has been a part of my life for the past 5 years. Three of them during my marriage, 1 of them as part of a couple and now for this passed year, alone.

What am I looking for? First of all, as I mentioned, I like to dance. If I am being totally honest, sure, I hope to meet a man. Do I want to break up a marriage? No, of course not, but if the marriage is not stable to begin with, I have no control over that. There are married men who ask for my number and express an interest in seeing me outside of the club. It is palpable how many of you are waiting for me to respond absolutely not, I would never do that, but that would not be the truth.

The truth is I sometimes give out my number, it totally depends on the man and his situation. You can see which couples are connected when you are in a swing club. Some are clearly together but they do not really have a relationship. I know some women reading this will accuse me of creating a problem between a couple but the way I see it, it is the husband who is creating the problem. If he wasn’t with me, he would be with someone else. He is the one who is not being faithful.

I have no real interest in being “the other woman”. In the lifestyle, I am so desirable to couples and singles that if I accepted every offer for every party, event, sleepover, you name it, I would be busy 7 nights a week. It is a lot of fun to be the center of attention. I know when I am dancing, all male eyes are on me. Not because I am the most attractive woman, but because I am available and there is no puzzle to solve with matching spouses to each other.

You asked for honesty and I am trying to be completely honest. I am really looking to find someone to be in a relationship with and that is why I am in the lifestyle. Couples sometimes invite me for private weekends and If I am available, I go. Why not? It’s a free vacation and a chance for me to get to know the man more intimately. If his wife knows she can’t trust him, why does she go along with it? If she doesn’t realize what he is really looking for, the question is why doesn’t she know?

Although I do play with both men and women, I am not really bisexual. I go along because as a unicorn this is required. If I were to say I only play with men, I would not be so popular! There are a few other unicorns that frequent this swing club and we all try to be friendly with each other. We establish our territory in terms of who we prefer to end up with at the end of the night. For the most part, unicorns try to respect each other. We often dance together because that too, attracts a lot of attention.

I am not a bad person, just a bit lonely. I am looking for love just like anybody else. Going to a bar or a regular club feels less safe to me. Taking strange men home is always a risk and one that I prefer not to take. The swing club that I go to is on premise, which allows me to play there and go home alone (although, not always alone). I have met single men in the club but for some reason they seem a little bit less safe to me. It seems many of them are married as well.
Hopefully soon, I will meet a man and will no longer be a unicorn!  Although many will deny it, I think most unicorns feel the same way!