Swingers: Why is it a secret that you are in the lifestyle?

Why do swingers feel the need to keep their lifestyle a secret?  I frequently hear people say that nobody knows that they are in the lifestyle.  They would die if someone found out.   Why is that?  At first I wondered if these people were very religious, but they are not.  I wondered if their children were at an age that it would create confusion and uncertainty, but they are not.  Do they think they are doing something criminal or unethical?  They do not.  Hmm.  Would exposure embarrass them?   This question got a nod.   Embarrassed, why?

Admitting that you are a swinger should be a lot less traumatic than admitting you are having an affair, no?  After all, one is cheating and lying to someone you say you are in love with, the other is not.  Swingers are out having a great time, enjoying parties and events that others can only dream of.  Cheaters are sneaking around, worrying that at any moment they will be caught, which would certainly disrupt their lives and the lives of those around them.

I wonder how many swingers are truly living this lifestyle unbeknownst to their friends and family.  Probably not nearly as many as believe they are.  Often times I watch swingers arrive at a club clad in an over sized trench coat in the middle of the summer.  When I ask these women if their family or neighbors don’t find this strange they say they don’t think so.  Really?  It’s 90 degrees outside and you leave your house or condo wearing a trench coat cinched at the waste with stiletto heels and nobody thinks that’s odd?

Many swingers have said that when they finally decided to reveal the truth about their lifestyle, their friends and family members were not surprised.  Many said they had known about it for years but understood the swinger couple wanted to keep it to themselves.  (If these were the trench coat women, it’s no wonder people knew.)

What about the family and friends who were told, who did not know anything or suspect anything about the lifestyle?  Were they shocked and appalled?  Not according to the people I have spoken with.  Most said that more than anything, they were curious about swinging.  They asked a lot of questions but did not seem to have a negative reaction.  Many couples said that both friends and many family members (mostly siblings), eventually asked if they could tag along one night to see what it was all about.

Swingers would be surprised (or maybe not) to learn how connected the lifestyle is; even for people in some type of lifestyle related business.  The industry is comprised of the most friendly, warm and helpful group of people.  All of us have one goal, and that is to unite the lifestyle community. Most people I work with all say the same thing:  I am more interested in connecting people in the lifestyle than in making money.  Sure, it is a business, but it is also very personal.  Who wouldn’t want to be associated with such a genuine group of people?  Most of them have said that their families and friends know they are swingers and take it in stride.  They felt no judgement when they told others about it and feel completely comfortable that people know.

Like any other group, in order to gain acceptance, we must learn to stand up for what we believe in.  Swingers should not be ashamed of their lifestyle.  Obviously it is not necessary to divulge what you do when you are at a swing club, or party or other event, any more than you would give blow by blow (pun intended) details to others about what you and your significant other do in your bedroom.  No need to reveal that you participated in a gang bang with 15+ men last Saturday or tried double penetration for the first time and loved it.  Many swingers don’t swap, and many people in the lifestyle are not swingers.  Enjoying the warm atmosphere that accompanies the lifestyle is a wonderful thing and people should not have to hide from it.

There are many well known actors and singers who are open about their lifestyle choices and for some reason, people find this ‘normal’ and acceptable.  Why?  Why are they held to a different standard than the rest of us.  Because they are famous?   Even with their disclosure they are still sought after and some of them are highly influential people.

Revealing to others that you are open minded should not be a negative thing.  After all, if you think about it, being a part of the lifestyle really doesn’t mean more than that.   If your children or parents told you the same thing, would it concern you?  Sure, at first it might come as a surprise but would you be upset or concerned?  Probably not.

When we initially came up with the concept for the jewelry, we had just this vision in mind.  Wear the jewelry with pride.  First of all, others do not know what it means.  Secondly, even if they did, what does it really say about you?  That you are open minded, nothing more.

Let’s continue the movement to unite the lifestyle.  There is a lot to be learned from people who choose to be apart of it.  Honesty, respect and fun are the three hallmarks of the lifestyle.  What could be better than that?

Swinging when you have children; how to stay one step ahead of them.

A title like “Swinging with Children” might attract the wrong kind of attention.                                                         

The original title for this article was actually “Swinging with Children” but when I went back to edit it, I was afraid the Feds would come knocking at my door. For that reason the title had to be changed to “Swinging when you have children.”

Couples who enjoy swinging and have children, quickly discover the challenges involved in juggling their ‘secret life’ with their regular life. There are a number of interesting things to consider when you have children, and this does not just apply to small children.

Word to the wise:  children are much smarter than we give them credit for; even when they are very young.  Never underestimate them!

When you start swinging and your children are young, the biggest obstacle is generally child care. It quickly becomes apparent that if you are planning to stay out until 2 or 3 in the morning, babysitters can be difficult to find.  Babysitters are also usually also old enough to wonder where you are going.   If you are smart enough to leave the house conservatively dressed, they still wonder where you go that is open so late.  We always preferred to leave the children with our parents for the night.  This allowed us to come and go as we pleased.  Unfortunately,  Grandma and Grandpa were only going to have sleep overs so often!

Excuse me but I think you are missing a shoe…

Another problem is that after having wild sex and getting dressed to return home, you probably do not look as put together as you did when you left the house. There are times your hair will be wet from sweating, your shirt will be buttoned wrong, your fly might not be zipped back up or you are wearing something inside out. That is, if you can even  return home in what you wore while you were out. Many of us must change our clothing either in the garage or in the car, because we would never be caught dead in our club clothes!

For those of us who have tried to sneak past the babysitter to change out of our club clothes quickly, you can rest assured that one of your children is probably in your bed and will wake up as soon as you cross the threshold.  I can remember sneaking into my bedroom one night thinking my daughter was asleep in her bed.  It wasn’t until a few days later that I discovered not only wasn’t she asleep, but she was busy recording me as I ran into my room to change.  Apparently she wanted to show my mother how funny my hair looks when I come home late at night.

With young children, another problem is that they do not really care how late you were out the night before. They get up before the sun, and you are going to have to pay for that in the morning! Other than that, young children might be easier than older ones when you swing.

Woman who was out swinging, hiding in the bushes wearing Partners ID bracelet
Woman hiding in the bushes wearing Partners ID bracelet

 

 

 

 

Don’t kids ever go to sleep?
When your children are a little bit older but still live at home, the problems can be even more challenging. First off, where to hide your swinger clothes? Unless you have a spare closet with a lock on it (and even then), your children will find it. I can remember my kids telling my mother how many pairs of “hooker shoes” I own. These shoes were in a locked closet that has a key that I thought was well hidden; apparently I was wrong.

Sneaking out of the house with a change of clothing can also become tricky. If you think they won’t notice that you are wearing something under your sweater, trust me, they will. If you try to carry them out in a large handbag, they will ask questions.  After many attempts to fool them, I discovered the only way is to plan ahead. When the kids are not home, plan your outfit for the evening ahead of time and put it in the trunk of your car or hide it in the garage.

Returning home with older kids can also pose a bigger challenge. They never go to sleep! No matter how late you come home, somehow they are always awake and you cannot avoid them. This means you must change back into the clothing you left the house in.  You also have to make sure you don’t look like a hot mess!  Be prepared to answer the question they will inevitably ask: where were you until this hour and who were you with?

When you are out swinging often, it starts to become a challenge! They also are aware that nothing is open this late.  We used to try to get our stories straight on the ride home from an evening of swinging.  It became pretty routine to tell them that we sat and drank coffee with friends long after a restaurant was closed or watched movies at a friend’s house.  We were aware that our children probably did not believe us but we couldn’t come up with anything else!

Somehow we all imagined that when our children were old enough to leave home we would be able to enjoy the lifestyle without a care in the world. We deserve to have some fun, right? Well, unfortunately grown children present their own set of challenges for us. First of all we have to consider that one day they could show up in a swing club or at a lifestyle event all on their own; and if not them, maybe their friends.

Grown children are quite computer savvy so it is critical to make sure there are no pictures of our faces associated with anything lifestyle related.  We cringe when any of them ask to borrow our computer, as probably most people in the lifestyle would understand what they might stumble upon.

Grown children also present us with grandchildren. Now they are looking to get out and naturally turn to us for help.  They would like us to babysit from time to time but we are rarely free on weekends.   They say they don’t mind going out later.   They ask us to just come by when we return home to watch the kids for a few hours…Yes, we will be back around 3am if that works for you.

You can reach us on our cell phone if you need us.

They ask for itineraries when we travel, but we cannot provide one because we are headed out on a lifestyle cruise or to a swinger resort.  We try to remember to take some vanilla pictures while on these excursions as inevitably, they will ask to see photos!

Eventually they will borrow your phone and ask why all your friends have no last names.  Your grown daughter will ask to borrow a dress or a pair of shoes and before you can react, she is walking into your closet.  They ask why they have never met  many of the friends that we talk about.

We have even had one of our children pop in unannounced on a Sunday morning, only to discover that friends of ours had stayed the night.  Thankfully they were still asleep.  We quickly said that we were afraid to let them leave because they had too much to drink.   I can’t help wondering how we would have explained having breakfast in our underwear, or the four of us naked in the hot tub, had he shown up a little later.
Yes, the lifestyle certainly presents challenges from day one when you have children. You must learn to be creative and most importantly to think ahead. Make sure you and your spouse discuss what story you will tell, as it’s very important to relay the same story! Unfortunately, at some point there will be questions and strange looks as your children are much smarter than you think. It’s all in fun and it keeps the lifestyle interesting!

How can you tell if another couple wants to swing with you?

A couple and single girl at a bar wearing Partners ID Jewelry
A couple and single girl at a bar wearing Partners ID Jewelry

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Swinging can sometimes feel like dating.  Remember in the past when you met someone and then spent a fair amount of time wondering if they liked you?  Then you tried to decide if they liked you, or liked you liked you.   The only difference now, is that usually, swingers are couples looking for other couples.  Although it sounds so simple, it is not.  Instead of the traditional one person seeking out another, it is now one couple (2 people) looking for another couple (2 more people).  That equals four people who must all be on the same page.  It might not sound that complicated but it can be.

The other part of this equation is wondering when you do meet other swingers, how to know which couples wants to swing with you.  That too, can be complicated.  When you are dealing with a couple, maybe the man likes you but his wife doesn’t like your husband (or vice versa).  The problems with four people are multiplied dramatically so it’s important to pay attention to signs and signals that other couples are giving you.

Swing clubs are a great place to meet other couples (or singles) to swing with. They have a sexy, night club atmosphere and most of the people who are there, are there to swing. This does not mean, however, that every couple you meet wants to swing with you. So how can you tell who is and who is not interested?

Most adults have learned that when they are in a social situation, they should be friendly and warm. We were taught to be polite and smile. If someone talks to us, we should have the common courtesy to listen and even join in the conversation. People in swing clubs, tend to be very friendly and welcoming to each other. So with all this smiling and kindness, how can we distinguish between people are who being polite and people who are interested in having sex?

For some couples, it’s not that hard to figure out, whereas for others, they seem to have no clue at all (think Sheldon Cooper). Here is a little quiz to help you determine if you are on the right track to finding other couples to play with:

You are sitting at the bar and a couple walks over. They are trying to get the bartenders attention and since you are sitting there, they say hello. You and your significant other find them attractive so you try to engage them in conversation. They are friendly and answer your questions but as soon as the bartender hands them their drinks, they turn and walk away. Now, this should be an easy one…
This couple is interested, you have a shot: True or False

(False, clearly, they are not interested.)

Let’s try another, shall we? A couple is seated next to you on a couch. They seem friendly and you strike up a conversation with them. The husband answers your questions but the wife is not paying any attention. She is busy watching people on the dance floor. While you are talking to him, the husband turns and asks his wife if she wants to dance. They pop up and leave for the dance floor. Hm, what do you think?
A. They will be back in a few minutes and we will have another chance to win them over?

B. We have no shot let’s go find another couple.

If you chose A, you should probably keep reading until the end!

How about this situation: a couple approaches you while you are at the bar and asks if anyone is sitting in the seats next to you. You say no and the couple sits down. They introduce themselves and tell you it’s their first time in this club. They are friendly and you are encouraged that maybe this can work. You talk with them for a while and they get up to go and dance. After a few songs, they return to their seats next to you. A couple sits down on the other side of them and they turn to engage in conversation with them. You and your significant other walk around to join the two couples in conversation. They continue talking while you stand there. You don’t want to be rude so you patiently wait for them to introduce you to this couple. After a few minutes, nobody attempts to bring you into the conversation. You decide to go back to your seats at the bar.
No problem, in a few minutes they will turn back and chat with us.

B. Not looking good, they were just being friendly.
Don’t wait too long for this couple, it seems they have found a couple they prefer.

You meet a couple standing along side the dance floor. You try to engage them in conversation and although the wife is friendly, the husband is looking around while you are talking to him. He answers your questions but doesn’t ask you any. A few times you even had to repeat yourself because he didn’t hear you. His wife grabs his hand while you are talking to her.
She’s hot and she’s friendly. She will persuade him to be with us.

B. Finding couples is harder than we thought. Let’s move on.

It’s B! When she grabbed his hand, she was trying to tell you something… He showed a clear disinterest from the get go.
You decide to dance and are enjoying the time with your wife. You notice a couple watching you and smiling. When you leave the dance floor they approach you at the bar. They are friendly and she greets you with a kiss on the cheek. The man is attentive to your wife and his wife is attentive to you. She plays with her hair while laughing at your jokes.

This is it! We might actually have a chance with this couple!

B. They are just being friendly, I’m not sure if they really have any interest.

I hope you chose A! This was a gimme, a no brainer.

Believe it or not, we see this all the time. Couples who hang around when there is no chance what so ever that the couple they are clinging to have any interest in them. Sometimes all it really requires, is to pay close attention to what their body language is saying. If someone is standing with their arms crossed and a forced smile on their face, that should tell you that they are not interested. If someone touches you or is engaged in what you say, that’s a good sign. If they turn towards you and have a genuine (not fake) smile, think positive! If the person you are talking to is not making eye contact, walk away. If someone likes you, they will make you feel comfortable and important. They will be present in the moment with you. They will ask you questions and listen carefully to what you have to say. If someone is busy looking around to see what else is available, that means they have no real desire to be with you.

Although we always stress how important communication is, in this type of situation, nobody will tell you that they are not interested, it is just too rude. They will, however, do whatever they can with their body language to let you know. Non verbal cues are all you are going to get to let you know when a coupe is or is not interested. All you have to do, is pay attention to what it is they are trying to say.

Swinging should be fun but figuring out who wants to swing with you can sometimes be confusing! The more experience you have in the lifestyle the easier it will become! Good luck!

Ok, fine, I’m a slut, a whore and a nymphomaniac. But, you should know, I’m very satisfied!

Slutty woman in underwear wearing Partners ID belly ring
Slutty woman in underwear wearing Partners ID belly ring

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Slut is a word we are all familiar with.  We heard it used a lot in high school to shame girls who had sex with too many guys.  It did not occur to me in those years that we did not have a term for the males who were doing the same thing.

I stumbled upon an article the other day which was talking about the number of sexual partners people have had over the course of their lifetime, and what it says about them.

https://onlinedoctor.superdrug.com/whats-your-number/

The article is actually quite interesting and at the same time a bit alarming. As a swinger, reading that the general population thinks that the ideal number of past sexual partners for both men and women is 7, concerns me.  Seven?! Seriously?! I know people who have sex with 7 different people in one night!

My immediate reaction to the notion that a new man in my life would want to hear that I have only slept with 7 men prior to him, was that I felt a little nauseous. I think I had slept with 7 guys before I graduated from college. What does this mean? I was (and still am) a total slut?  Probably, but lucky for me, my husband appreciates the fact that I love sex as much as he does.

I don’t think anyone would be surprised to learn that both men and women tended to change their true numbers slightly (at their own admission). Men tended to say they have had sex with more women than they actually have, while women tended to say they have had sex with less partners than they have. It is a surprise to me that in the year 2017 people are still so antiquated in their thinking. Men want to be with women who love sex, but they don’t want to be with women who have been too sexually active or who are too experienced.

Perhaps because I have been married for a long time I have lost touch with single stigmas, but come on people, this is 2017. Many people in their 50s, 60s and 70s are part of the baby boomer population. They believe in sex, drugs and rock and roll, don’t they? This generation was having sex, and a lot of it, back in the 60s and 70s. You mean to tell me they were part of this survey? I think not.

I also would have imagined that we were no longer holding women to a different standard than men. We still think men are studs when they have many conquests while women remain sluts for doing the same. We pat men on the back for their accomplishments in bed while we shake our heads in disdain at the women with whom they are doing this. Every time I think we’ve come a long way (baby) I discover that perhaps we really have not. Even the terms we are still using to describe sexually adventurous women versus men have remained unchanged in the way one degrades the woman, while the other praises the man. According to Wikipedia, the term slut is as follows:

Slut is generally a term for a woman or girl who is considered to have loose sexual morals or who is sexually promiscuous.[1][2] It is usually used as an insult, sexual slur or offensive term of disparagement (slut shaming).[2][3] It originally meant “a dirty, slovenly woman”,[2] and is rarely used to refer to men, generally requiring clarification by use of the terms male slut or man whore.

Today, the term slut has a pervasive presence in popular culture and pornography, but is almost exclusively used to describe women. An exact male equivalent of the term does not exist. The lack of a comparably popular term for men highlights the double standard in societal expectations (gender roles) between males and females, as negative terms for sexually promiscuous males are rare.[5][14]

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Slut

This is one of the reasons why swinging and the lifestyle are such wonderful outlets. Nobody is judging anyone within the lifestyle. If you love sex, good for you! Curious to try something new? This is the place! Judge free zone! Everyone is free to explore their fantasies. In all of the years that I have been in the lifestyle, I have never heard anyone put a woman down for sleeping with too many men. Even the women who like gang bangs and trains. Most people just shrug their shoulders and say whatever she’s into to, glad she’s having fun.

For swingers, the standards set by the general population do not apply. Men in the lifestyle are not really interested in women who do not want to play. People are in the lifestyle for this purpose! Sexually open women are the norm, as are the sexually adventurous women.  Men seem drawn to the women who exude sex as they are certain that it will prove to be an enjoyable experience.  As far as asking about or caring about how many sexual partners someone has had?  I’ve never heard anyone discuss this within the confines of the lifestyle. Truth is, most people would probably laugh and say, “I have no idea, I lost count!”

It fascinates me that men who are not in the lifestyle prefer women who have slept with (at most) 7 partners. They feel that more than that signifies a promiscuous woman. What the survey did not discuss was a woman’s age. What if she’s 50 and has never been married? I hope these men are open to the thought that their partner to be likes to masturbate. Or, open to the notion that this partner does not like sex. Either way, how do you put a number on something like this, and more importantly who are they to judge?

Women also think the magic number of previous partners for men is 7. For a man who is 25, I can see the how this number is probably fair game. If the man is 40, I’m not so sure.

I think I can speak for most people in the lifestyle when I say that the number 7 made me laugh out loud when I heard it. Most real swingers who spend every weekend (and for some 1 or more nights a week) in a lifestyle venue of some sort, would probably agree that they hit that magic number often; some after a few weeks, others after a few months.

Does this make all the women in the lifestyle a bunch of sluts?  Probably to those who choose not to be in the lifestyle. What about the men? I imagine they would simply call the men in the lifestyle “lucky”. For those who are in the lifestyle, I sincerely doubt they care. They are usually both very happy in their relationship with their significant other and with their decision to swing. I suppose if any of us find ourselves single and being asked our “number,” we have two choices: lie or look for another swinger!

Hugh Hefner; should we call him the “Father of Swing”?

Hugh Hefner with 3 beatuiful blonde women
Photo: yayimages.com / ImageCollect

 

“If you don’t swing, don’t ring”

Hugh Hefner played a large part in shaping society as we know it today. With the launch of Playboy magazine in 1953, he opened America’s eyes not just to the beauty of naked women, but he started a conversation about sex and sexuality.

I can remember finding Playboy magazines in my brother’s room when I was in middle school. He hid them underneath his bed and as soon as he was out, I would flip through them. I couldn’t understand why he was hiding them so one day I bravely pulled pages of the naked girls out of the magazine and pinned them onto his bulletin board. He was shocked (and pissed) when he walked into his bedroom. My mother came in to see what the fuss was all about. She shrugged her shoulders and told him it added some character to his room. He left them on the board for as long as I can remember.

Hugh Hefner did what others thought about. He lived an extraordinary life which exuded sexuality. He did not apologize for opening people’s minds up about sex. If swingers have someone to thank, it is clearly Hugh Hefner. Without him, we would not be where we are today. He allowed people to talk and think about sex. He dated multiple women at the same time and nobody was hiding this fact. It was his life and he lived it as he chose.

I often hear that people think Hugh Hefner was exploiting women but I find that reprehensible. Why do people blame him for the way some women choose to live their lives? He offered them something and it was their to decision to be a part of it or not. Why is it that every time a woman is sexy or sexual it is always said it must be to please a man? I will be the first to say that when I want to look sexy, it is for me. It is how I choose to look or act. Please don’t blame the men in my life for something they have no control over!

Hugh Hefner paved the road for others to seek out the lifestyle that he lived. His extravagant parties at the Playboy Mansion with beautiful, sexy women. What fun they must have had! They always looked like the ultimate swinger parties! How I wish we could have attended one. Would it disturb me to see all those beautiful Playboy Playmates running around in their skimpy bikinis and bunny ears? No! Why would it? The women were all doing this at their free will. If it was something that was against them, they should not have been there at all.

It is not surprising that Hugh Hefner’s name sparks controversy primarily amongst women. Some see him as the anti-feminist; a man who spent his life exploiting women, squeezing them into their tight corsets with little white cotton tails and bunny ears atop their heads, all to appease a group of chauvinistic men. Many women feel his need to constantly surround himself with young, perfectly proportioned blondes was arrogant and pathetic. Marrying women 30 years his junior only fueled the fire. My question remains: who was he hurting? Women who could not live up to his standards of beautiful or sexy? Women who insist on being recognized and applauded for their accomplishments in their field of work, and not their physical bodies? Hefner was quick to point out that he treated women as “sexual beings” and not “sexual objects.” This is where I think Hefner was actually helping women to accept their sexuality. To be open to the notion of enjoying sex.

Personally, I will always see Hugh Hefner as a visionary, a pioneer in the sexual liberation of both men and women. He did not hide from the controversies that surrounded his lifestyle choices. The original Playboy Mansion even had a doorplate that read, Si Non Oscillas, Noli Tintinnare “If you don’t swing, don’t ring.”
Hugh Hefner might have been the most open swinger of our time. Hopefully, we can pick up the ball and keep running with it. Swingers have come a long way, but they are not at the finish line just yet. RIP Hef.

Lifestyle friends are the best friends you can have!

 

3 lifetsyle friends wearing Partners ID jewelry, smiling
3 lifetsyle friends wearing Partners ID jewelry, smiling

Lifestyle friends are the best friends you can have.  It occurred to me this morning when I got a call from a friend in the lifestyle.  She and her husband were away for the week and she wanted to catch up.  She opened the conversation telling me that she had finally tried double penetration during their stay at a lifestyle resort.  She then filled me in on all the sexy details of their trip.  She gave me blow by blow details of the parties, the playrooms even what she wore to the different events.  Luckily her husband had packed some viagra because towards the end of their stay he was in need!

When I hung up the phone I was smiling just thinking about all the fun they had.  Just then, my phone rang again and it was a very good friend who is not in the lifestyle.  When I asked how her weekend was, she told me it was great.  They had dinner with her husband’s law partners on Friday and went to a wine tasting on Saturday.  On Sunday she took a yoga class and that was all she had to report.  Hmm.  I wonder if they had sex.  I was tempted to ask but decided not to as it is not something we generally talk about.  She asked me how my weekend was and I said it was nice.  We went to a swing club on Friday and rolled home around 3:30 in the morning.    Saturday we hosted a party at our home and within an hour of our guests arriving, we were all naked in the hot tub having sex.  Some guests slept over and the party continued until late Sunday night.  Of course, I told her none of that but instead said we did the usual, nothing special, which in essence, is true.

When I was done on the phone it occurred to me that there is such a huge difference in my relationship with these two women.  One woman I have known for the past 25 years and the other for about two years.  I have had sex with one of their husbands, the other I have not.  I have played with one of the women, the other I have not even kissed.  We have shared everything from husbands, to underwear to sex toys.   My lifestyle friend knows the true me.  When I have a real issue, it is she I turn to, not the friend that I have known for 25 years.  That says a lot.

The depth of the relationship between lifestyle friends and vanilla friends cannot compare.  It was the first time I realized how well my vanilla friend would say she knows me when in fact, she does not really know very much about me at all.   When you must keep a secret that is such a huge part of who you are from someone, is that friendship not slightly tainted?

I think everyone in the lifestyle at some point, considers telling either friends or family about swinging.  Most people never reveal this to anyone in their outside life because they do not think people would find this acceptable.  They prefer to keep that part of their lives secret, which is totally understandable.  There is no doubt that there are people who would not be okay with what swingers do.  Is that a reason to break a friendship?  Swingers are not looking to lose their vanilla friends because they swing but are their vanilla friends going to drift away if they find out?  Do men and women differ on this?  Are men more curious and less judgmental than women?

When we were new to the lifestyle we did confide in a couple that we were very friendly with.  We were not as available as we had been in the past and they were concerned.  Obviously they were shocked when we told them that we were swingers.  It was awkward to get through dinner with them because after we confided in them,  she became very quiet.  The man waited until the next day and phoned my husband at work to ask him all about it.  He wanted to know if we would invite them to come with us to the club one night.  Clearly, this couple was not on the same page.  The woman basically disappeared from my life after that night and her husband remained friendly with my husband.

When you think about a “good friend” walking away because of your lifestyle choices, it makes you question the integrity of the friendship.  What does the fact that we swing have to do with our vanilla friends?   We haven’t actually changed as people.  We do enjoy activities which might not seem right to them but should they be judging us?  They were friendly with us for many years not having a clue that we went to strip clubs very often.  Having weekly lap dances by girls did not seem to make me lesser of a friend, but I suppose it’s because they did not know about it.

Lifestyle friends are more honest.  They are honest with their spouses and they are honest with themselves.  They are not afraid to be open and it makes for an incredibly enriching relationship.  Even if double penetration is not my thing, I would never judge her for participating in it.  It’s her body and her decision.  The best part is she knows I would never judge her for anything she chooses to do as long as it isn’t hurting anyone.    There are women who love to be a part of a gang bang.  They want upwards of 5, 10 maybe 15 men to have sex with in one night.  Never have I heard anyone in a swing club judge these women for what turns them on.  Who are we to judge?

Most couples would agree that over time the lifestyle creeps up on us and before we realize it, the majority of our friends are swingers.  Dinner parties for us do not include food and it doesn’t really matter what you are wearing to a party because it won’t stay on for long.  Sleepovers are common occurrences and we think nothing of sharing lube and sex toys.

My friend and her husband spent a weekend at our home not too long ago.  We naturally played with each other’s husband and after she asked me if I enjoyed it.  I said I did and she said, “I just wanted to make sure he took care of you or I would be mad at him.”  Of course, she was joking but is that not a good friend?    When I told her how I felt she said, “That’s what friends are for, no?”

Lifestyle friends are the kind of friends that you can count on for just about anything.  Although we share the sexual side of our lives with each other, that is not all it’s about.  It’s a community of close knit friends who can sit on each others laps on a nude beach and drink from each others glasses without anyone giving you a funny look.  You can say what’s on your mind and nobody will judge you for it.  You can give your friend’s husband a back massage and there is no jealousy or concern.  You can speak openly about something of concern and you will notice ten people trying to help you sort things out.  Lifestyle friends are old enough to be our parents and young enough to be our children, yet age is not a factor in our friendship.  It’s a wonderful thing to know that there is a whole community out there that has your back.  Sure, vanilla friends can be wonderful, supportive and warm, but if they can’t know your true essence, they can only be so close.  I don’t keep secrets from my lifestyle friends but I cannot say the same about my vanilla friends.  That says it all.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Our jewelry helps a couple in France discover something exciting!

French couple wearing Partners ID jewelry on the beach
French couple wearing Partners ID jewelry on the beach

 

We love hearing from everyone all around the world about their successes wearing the jewelry. This is a letter we received from a customer about her experience with the jewelry.  It was written both in English and French and we included our response in both English and French underneath. Keep the emails coming!

Salut Partners ID,

I just wanted to drop you a line and let you know how well the jewelry works! Such a simple concept with such a great result!

I was born and raised in America, but after college I met a man and moved to the south of France with him. We lived there for 15 years. Part of my initial attraction to him was the sexual chemistry that we had (and of course his sexy French accent). It was intense and lasted quite awhile but something was always missing.

We always spend several weeks each summer at Cap D’agde (a very popular nudist and swinger village), and we always have a good time.  We spend our days naked on the beach, drink cocktails at sundown, have dinner and hit the clubs. We play mostly together, which is fine by me, but still something was missing (in my life).

It was during our last trip to Cap D’agde that we discovered your jewelry. We had seen many other couples wearing it and decided to buy pieces for ourselves. The very day I slipped on the necklace, I was alone at the beach when a woman approached me. She, too, was wearing your necklace so I knew that she was a swinger. She introduced herself and sat on the edge of my blanket. As we talked, she gently touched my leg. It was like an electric shock ran through me. She could immediately sense my response as my erect nipples were hard to hide. We sat and talked for about an hour and agreed to meet with our husbands later on at a club.

As I lay in the sun on the beach I considered my response to her touch. I had never played with another woman but the very thought of it made me extremely horny. One of the things I most enjoyed about the American club we had visited was watching women play together.  It is not as common here and I always found it a turn on.   I packed up my beach gear and rushed back to the room to talk with my husband. I told him about the beach and he laughed. We have a very open marriage and he was happy at the thought of seeing me play with another woman. We had been swinging for years but I never really had the opportunity to play with another woman.

Needless to say, that evening was the most memorable of my entire adult life. I realized that what was missing from my life was another woman! I didn’t realize that I was bisexual before. We were able to get together a few times before she left to go home to Holland and she promised to look us up when she came to the states.

Had I not been wearing the jewelry, this would never have happened. It has opened a door for me that might never have been opened, and I am grateful that this happened!

The jewelry is really beautiful and very easy to spot! As I mentioned, it is quite popular in France and now that we are back home in the states, we plan to wear it all the time.

Merci et bisous à vous!

Danielle y Marcel

 

Cher Danielle y Marcel,

Merci sincerement ,a tout ceux et celles qui prennent le temps de nous partager leurs enthousiasmes ,concernant notre creation de bijous libertin.Nous sommes tres fier du resultat positif ,car seulement après 2 ans de lancement ,nous recevons continuellement des temoignages encourageants comme les votres a cette effet et ce de partout dans le monde ,aussi loin que de l Australie a Dubail,du Japon a l Afrique Du Sud,d Israel passant par l Europe juste qu en Amerique du Nord ainsi que d Argentine aux Indes.Nous apprecions grandement vos commantaire ,qui nous aident a amiliorer de jour en jour, nos produits destines au monde libertin. A+

(Thank you sincerely, to all of you who take the time to share your enthusiasms concerning our creation of lifestyle jewelry. We are very proud of the positive result, because after only 2 years of launching the line, we continuously receive encouraging testimonials like yours about its success from all over the world. We hear from people from as far away as Australia to Dubai, Japan to South Africa, Israel passing through Europe, in North America as well as Argentina to India. We greatly appreciate your commentaries, which help us to improve from day to day. Our products are destined to be for everyone in the lifestyle all around the world.)

 

Life is too short to worry about what others think. If swinging is your thing, do it and enjoy it!

Couple slow dancing enjoying life
Couple slow dancing enjoying life

 

Life is too short to worry about what others think.  Besides, who are others to pass judgement on what we say and do.

As if getting through hurricane Irma wasn’t enough, we woke up yesterday morning to remember that it was September 11. Obviously, this was a day back in 2001 that touched every American’s life in some way or another and continues to haunt many of us.  But what does this have to do with swinging?

For me, personally, it is a reminder that life is both short and unpredictable. We often take things for granted until we are deprived of them. Loss of life is traumatic whether expected or not; loss of simple daily pleasures are greatly missed as well when we do not have access to them. Again, what does this have to do with swinging?

Swinging is something that people do that is frequently frowned upon by those who are not in the lifestyle. Swingers feel the need to sneak around so that their family and friends do not discover their secret lives. It is times like these that it bothers me that so many feel the need to hide.

It’s totally understandable that swingers fear detection from people they care about. However, when you think about how short and precious life is, should we not be free to do what makes us happy? We are not hurting anyone, so what is the problem? We allow others to judge us and make us feel that somehow, what we have decided to do together, as a couple, is wrong.
Is this really any different from what gay people had to go through? Hiding the truth from family and friends out of fear of judgement?

What about transgender and transexuals? They, too, lived in fear of judgement for a very long time and slowly, over time, people have come to accept them as they are. Not all people, but many.

Many people reading this will think there is no parallel here but if you think about it, it is really the same thing. Swinging is not hurting anyone. It is something that a couple decides to do together. Why do people frown upon this? If someone cheats on their spouse, they are not ostracized from their social circle. People might not think it’s nice, but chances are, many people within that social circle have cheated on their spouse at some time or another. Therefore, they are not likely to cease a friendship over this. They will say it is between the couple. However, if a couple’s friends discover they are swingers, they tend to turn their backs. Why do they do this? After all, this couple is honest with each other and are doing nothing to hurt either each other, or anyone else.

Is it possible that vanilla couples are afraid that their friends, who are now swingers, are going to try to convert them? Do people think swinging is a cult? Do they fear that swingers have no impulse control and will attack anyone who gets too close? Whatever the case may be, why must people explain themselves to others. We do not owe people an explanation for what we do or why we do it.

Live and let live should be the motto that future generations learn to embrace. Life is short and so we must all try to do whatever it takes to be happy. I do not condone hurting others and inflicting pain or causing intentional harm, but I do believe that if you are doing something that makes you happy and enriches your couple, stop worrying about what others will think. If truth be known, deep down, many of these couples are jealous that they don’t have what it takes to be honest enough with each other to seek out this kind of happiness. It takes mature, responsible, secure people to be happy in the lifestyle. It can be difficult and even confusing at times, but if both members of the couple are committed to each other, they will either embrace it or decide it is not for them.

As we wake up each morning, and hope for only good things, we learn over time that life is not always easy. We face all kinds of different situations, good and bad, but more importantly, we never know what the future holds. So why not make the most of our time? Why not do what makes us happy? Don’t be one of those people who regrets never taking a chance, never taking a risk to try something that you always wondered about. It might not be swinging, it could be bungie jumping, sky diving, or anything else. Some people will think you’re nuts, but whatever it is, go out, do it and enjoy it. Most importantly, stop worrying what others may think.

Love and sex are two different things. Swingers understand how to separate the two.

couple in love holding breakfast tray
couple in love holding breakfast tray
Perhaps the reason couples are able to swing yet also maintain a very healthy relationship is that they are able to make the difference between love and sex.  Without the lifestyle, I know that it would be hard for me to understand this.  It makes me reflect back to when I was a teenager and early twenties when it seemed that too many guys were able to do this while the girls were struggling with it.    I can remember when a girl had sex with a guy, she pretty much believed they were then in some sort of relationship, where the guy obviously did not, and never called again.  Looking back, I realize that guys had the concept down pat from the beginning.  They could separate love from sex from the start.
Perhaps over the years, maybe it comes with age, or security with ourselves or our signifiacnt others, we have learned to separate the two.  I can say from personal experience it was a process.  In order to understand the process I first had to have confidence in my partner.  I knew I had no feelings for anyone I met in the club or at a party.  Sure, I liked them and I liked to flirt and fool around, but when it was over and I walked out the door, I left it there.  I do not take it home with me.  I go home with my partner and that is who I share my life and my love with.  The best part of the whole evening is when we make love after we play with someone else.  That is when you really feel the difference.  You play with someone new and you go home to make love to your spouse.
No matter who I might swing with that evening, it hardly matters when I leave.  It is more important to know that my partner feels the same way.  The only way to get passed this is through communication and time.
I have learned through the process that sex and love are clearly not the same thing!  Love is based on too many things to list!  Sex is a moment (or an hour), it is a physical act, but when it is over, it is finished.  That’s one of the fun parts of being in the lifestyle.  It can be sex with a different partner every time!   That’s the plan!

Vanilla couples; are they secretly wishing to explore the lifestyle?

Vanilla friends on piggy back
Vanilla friends on piggy back
What separates vanilla folks from those in the lifestyle?  (For those who do not know the term, someone who is vanilla, is someone who is not in the lifestyle.) Is it that they are having such mind blowing sex with their spouse or significant other that they never even think about being with someone else? That seems highly unlikely.  It seems impossible to believe that every adult does not at some time fantasize about having sex with someone else. It is normal and it is human.  It does not mean that they will act on it, it strictly means they have thought about what it would be like.

Sex is a big part of adult life and although some people like to disagree, all we need to do is to consider the billion dollar porn industry.  If nobody is that interested in sex, who on earth is watching all of that porn?  How many marriages fall apart because one person wants sex and the other has lost interest?  One person has a choice at that point:  cheat or leave.
One thing that I really appreciate about swingers is that they are honest about sex.  They like sex, they want sex and they think it is normal to talk about sex.  They have learned to make the difference between sex and love.   They have learned how to channel their desire for sex and their desire for excitement, while staying in their committed relationship.  It’s a win – win.
We talk about the fact that swing clubs are trending and based on the number of vanilla couples visiting swing clubs, they are trending for sure.  What about the couples who have not explored the lifestyle?  What makes some couples take the plunge and others not?
Having been in the lifestyle for over ten years, we are at the point where most of our weekends are spent either at private parties or swing clubs.  We did have an obligatory dinner this past weekend with some vanilla friends and it was very interesting.  I noticed that after a few drinks there was a lot of flirting between the couples.  At one point (we were at someone’s home) a song came on and two of the women got up and danced together.  They were not provocative, but the men ran for their phones and were cheering them on.  My husband and I just sat and watched.  Obviously for us, this is nothing new, except that there was no touching and they were wearing clothing.  It occurred to me throughout the night that our vanilla friends had some sexual tension between them, but they kept it in check.  There is no way that they are acting on it but I couldn’t help but wonder if they don’t think about it at night when they go their separate ways.  They know we are in the lifestyle but never ask us about it so we do not offer any information.
Is it possible for some couples to be satisfied with these type of interactions and never consider acting on them?  I realize it must be, as most people are not swingers and would never consider this lifestyle.  Are these the type of couples that go on to have affairs?  Do they spend their lives secretly wishing they could be with someone else?  Perhaps for them it is too risky.
Perhaps this is what lifestyle couples have in common; they are risk takers.  There are always going to be exceptions to every rule, but in this case, it seems very possible that this is a common trait amongst many swingers.  Think about the people you know in the lifestyle.  Most of them are a little bit more daring than others you know.  When I consider the jobs swingers have, although they obviously cover a huge spectrum, there are some similarities.  We have met many doctors, lawyers, stock brokers, ex cops, veterans, firefighters, paramedics, etc.  What do all of their jobs have in common?  They are risky; they can never predict the outcome of what they do.  They are not like accountants or engineers or architects where things are mapped out so there is never room for a questionable outcome.  Interestingly enough, we rarely encounter accountants, architects or engineers in the lifestyle.
If couples are afraid of risk, the lifestyle is the last place you will find them.  Everyone who swings realizes that when you enter the lifestyle you lose a little control over your relationship.  You have to have a tremendous amount of faith in both yourself and your partner to be able to partake.  Imagine the man who thinks he wants to play with other women only until he sees his wife enjoy having sex with another man.  He took a risk.  He came into the lifestyle and allowed his wife to play with someone else.  For some people, they have enough confidence to believe their wife (or husband) will enjoy the moment and want only to be back with them.  Others will not have that confidence, so the risk is too high.  It is the same for women; sure my husband seems satisfied with  me now, but he might meet a prettier, slimmer woman with a better body.  What if she’s better in bed than I am?  How will things ever be the same with my husband again?  When you think about it this way, swinging can seem like a risk many couples would rather not take.
It is easy to understand vanilla couples acting as though they are perfectly happy with their marriage just as it is, and wanting us to imagine that their sex lives are perfect.  If they were to open up and say they are curious, or have thought about having sex with someone else, they might get invited into the lifestyle and they are not ready for that risk.  It would seem impossible to believe that if vanilla couples were truly honest with themselves that they could say they have never thought about having sex with someone else.  I guess the difference between couples who take the lifestyle plunge and those who don’t, is that swingers are more open and honest with their partners.  It can be very risky to even ask your partner if they will try the lifestyle, but for those of us who did, the rewards have been huge.