Whatever the case, if you are one of those “shy” people, perhaps this is the perfect time for you to take advantage and go after what you want! There are women in the lifestyle who always wear a wig when they are at a lifestyle event. They claim they have more confidence because people do not recognize them and they like it that way. Costumes are also a good conversation starter. Complimenting others on how clever they are or how perfect their costume, makes it easy to open the dialogue. Once you have begun a conversation it is easy to introduce yourselves and ask the other couple questions about themselves.
Swingers have a reputation for being degenerates. People don’t have a very high opinion of swingers. Perhaps people are afraid of what they don’t understand.
It would surprise many vanilla people to realize that they already know people who swing. In fact, it would shock them, to know which ones they are. Chances are, the real swingers would not even make the list of suspects.
Prior to entering the lifestyle, I tried to imagine who I might bump into if we went to a swing club. I was certain that there would be people I know simply because of the proximity of the club to our home. Finally, we did work up the courage to go. Although we knew a handful of people at the club, not one was someone I would have suspected! In fact, there were a few couples I never imagined I would see at a swing club.
I had heard rumors about a certain neighborhood close to my own where swingers were rampant. Supposedly, there was a key club that existed and new members had to be approved in order to join. The group met at a popular restaurant-bar on Thursday evenings to choose new members. Having gone to that restaurant on many Thursday nights to observe, I was certain that these were the people I would see at the club.
Thankfully, I was wrong. The couples at the bar were not the type of people I wanted to spend time with. They were all loud, obnoxious, and very sure of themselves. Were they actually there to join a key club? I’m not so sure. It’s very possible that people came to this conclusion because they were all very drunk and dressed provocatively.
The interesting thing about “real” swingers, is that they are often the last people you would suspect. Many are sexy, full of life, and confident in the lifestyle but reserved and quite ordinary in their daily lives. Swingers frequently laugh about how others think of them as leading boring, conservative lives. Even when others ask what they did that weekend, and they say outrageous things. “Oh, I watched my wife screw 2 guys while I had 2 girls for myself at our home.” Friends laugh at them and say things like, “Yeah right,” or “You wish!”
Swingers are frequently forced to endure nasty and uneducated comments regarding swingers and the lifestyle. At times, vanilla couples throw out comments about how disgusting swinging is and how people who swing are pathetic. They are certain that swingers are in bad marriages and looking to have sex with anyone but their own spouses. It can be very difficult to bite your tongue when people are talking about you. You know the truth about swinging, but most of us choose to remain silent or nod in agreement while feeling angry inside.
Even when swingers attempt to defend the lifestyle while feigning innocence, vanilla couples can be difficult to convince. It often leaves me wondering if they are angry. Perhaps they would like to be brave enough to try swinging and their spouse is against it. Maybe they are interested but not sure if they could handle it. Why else would vanilla people bring up the subject?
These kinds of situations often reinforce the need for swingers to distance themselves from the vanilla community. Discrimination is difficult for anyone to handle, especially when you are hiding the truth to protect yourself. It is hard to not want to educate every person who makes degrading remarks regarding swingers.
Often times, vanilla couples bring up the subject of swinging. Perhaps they are actually interested in swinging but don’t know how to approach the subject. Although they act like it is something that repulses them, it is in fact done defensively. Many couples have discussed it but want to see how others feel about it. The fear is that if they speak of it in a positive or curious light, others will suspect they are swingers. My suggestion for these couples would be to investigate swinging on your own. Chances are your vanilla friends are not on the same page.
Until swinging becomes more mainstream, we will have to continue with our sarcastic comments and innuendos. When packed for a lifestyle cruise with a small carry on for one week at sea and someone asks, we will continue to say it’s a lifestyle cruise and we don’t need clothing. When coworkers ask what we did over the weekend we will keep on describing the orgies we participated in while listening to them snicker. We will keep on listening to friends tell us we need to get out more that our lives are so boring that if we were a tv show it would be canceled. When friends inform us that sex was meant to be fun when we were younger, we will remember to tell them that we had sex outside the front door last night because we couldn’t wait to get inside.
Although it can be difficult to keep such a large part of our lives a secret, for most swingers, it must be done. Until society understands the lifestyle and accepts swinging, people run the risk of discrimination. Best to keep a sense of humor about it and feel sorry for those who are missing out. It stands to reason that it is just a matter of time before swinging becomes mainstream.
As a swinger, when I spend time with my vanilla girlfriends, I am always paying close attention to what they say. I am especially tuned in to how they behave when somebody brings up the subject of sex. Interestingly, the subject of sex generally comes up when someone talks about cheating.
My friends do not know that I am in the lifestyle so bringing up the subject of swinging is a very delicate matter. It is very rare that it comes up, but at our latest get together, I couldn’t resist.
The topic of conversation was infidelity. One of our mutual friends is in the process of divorce because she recently discovered that her husband was cheating on her. Almost all of the other women agreed that this would be grounds for divorce in their own marriages. They would not care if it was a one-time thing or a long-standing affair. Cheating is something they all agree is unforgivable.
I listened to them rant about men being dogs and not being able to keep it in their pants, etc. I asked them if they really think it is only a male problem. While they all agreed that it is not, they all vehemently denied that they had ever cheated. They also denied ever contemplating sleeping with a man other than their husband. These are women who are all over 40 years old!
I looked around at each one of them. It was impossible to believe that they had never been attracted to another man since they had gotten married. “You mean to tell me that you have never fantasized about another man?” (I wanted to say or woman, but was too afraid to open that can of worms.)
Although most admitted that they had fantasized about men over the years, they denied ever considering acting on it. I asked them if they ever did act on it, did they think it would change the way they feel about their husbands? Perhaps this would simply be a physical release?
I asked them to consider two questions:
Can a man have sex with another woman yet be in love with his wife?
Can a woman have sex with another man yet still love her husband?
Are sex and love mutually exclusive?
I could see the wheels turning while they considered that. Wouldn’t it simply be a physical act? The men you fantasize about, are you hoping to share your life with him or have a quickie? Is it possible that sex can be just a physical act with no love attached?
As the group fell silent in contemplation, I pushed on. What about swingers? I asked. From what I have read (I explained), they seem to be able to find the balance between their love for each other and having sex with others. Does this type of lifestyle possibly eliminate a need to cheat? I turned to the woman who is now in the process of divorce. Do you think perhaps if the two of you were in the lifestyle this would not be happening?
None of the women were open to the thought of swinging, as far as I could tell, but at least they were considering what I was saying. Does it make sense to break up marriages and families over a sexual encounter?
The women explained that it was less about sex and more about the betrayal of trust. So my next question was, “If your husband had told you he wanted to have sex with someone else, would you be open to it?” They all shook their heads no. Then I am confused. The anger stems from the trust issue, yet if their husbands were honest, it wouldn’t change anything. Seems to me like a no-win situation. Perhaps the thought process for someone who is looking for something different resorts to cheating because they might get away with it. If they cannot discuss this with their partner, they feel out of options.
This, sadly, seems to be a cornerstone of contemporary marriages. Fidelity sounds like a wonderful and romantic concept, but in the 21st century, it seems almost ridiculously outdated. That is not to say that there aren’t many couples out there who manage to remain married and faithful, but are they happy? Are they faithful by choice or out of fear of the repercussions?
I asked the women if they could honestly say that they believe their husbands have never thought about cheating (as they seemed to believe that they had not already done so). Most of the women said that their husbands had probably been attracted to another woman at some point and might have considered cheating. I asked what kept them from acting on it. The common response: my husband knows if I catch him cheating I will leave him. So women feel comfortable suppressing their husbands’ sexual desires by threatening them with consequences. Is this healthy? More importantly, is this really love?
Most swingers would agree that by allowing their spouses to be able to have sex with other women, on some level, we are expressing love. We are happy to see our husband happy. We understand that it is not realistic to be able to be the only person our significant other is ever attracted to or wants to have sex with. The same goes for women. If our husband allows us the opportunity to be with other men, why would we cheat? True love is so much deeper than sex and it is a shame that the concept seems to be lost on so many people.
There is no doubt that during this lunch date my friends were all eyeing me suspiciously. I clearly was not on the same page as they were with regard to sex and marriage. I do think, however, I was able to give my soon to be divorced friend something to think about. While I totally understand the importance of trust in a marriage, I also understand the importance of communication. If her husband had tried to express his desire to have sex with another woman, they would probably be in the same position they are now. She is angry and hurt because she cannot understand why she isn’t “enough” for him.
This is where swingers have a healthier perspective. Remember this popular saying? Show me a beautiful woman and I will show you a man who is tired of having sex with her…
We can substitute man for woman and vice versa, but the meaning is the same. Humans are essentially not monogamist, and until we accept this, this conversation will go on indefinitely.
Check out our new jewelry! Stop wondering, start playing! https://www.swingersjewelry.net/jewelry-for-swingers/
Perhaps swinging allows us to develop an alter ego…
After listening to the ever-entertaining podcast “Our Naughty Escapades” where Bob and Nicky introduce themselves by their real names, it made me think. While I have been listening to “Ben and Jen” for all this time, I wonder if these fake names allowed them to explore a riskier side of themselves. Often times in swing clubs or lifestyle events people will wear wigs or other disguises hoping to avoid recognition.
So what is an alter ego exactly? According to Dictionary.com https://www.dictionary.com/browse/alter-ego alter ego is defined like this:
Entering the lifestyle can be daunting for most people. It is a common fear for newbies that someone will recognize them. The plan for most couples is the same: we will look around and if we spot people we know, we will leave.
But wait! If they are there too, why would they judge you for being there? They won’t, but that will not always help to ease the nervousness of couples who are coming in for the first time.
For this reason, some people like to try to change something about themselves so that others will not recognize them. Some women wear wigs, some people wear glasses and some simply change their name or profession.
While many people initially do this to avoid detection, they often discover that it is easier to act in a way they would not if they were not in disguise. Simply changing your name (which is so common) seems to allow people to feel free to explore.
Do these small, seemingly insignificant changes allow our alter egos to shine? Like Nicky said after revealing her real name, she misses naughty “Jen.” That’s because as “Jen,” she felt free to behave in a way that she does not yet feel comfortable acting as Nicky.
Alter egos are liberating! If we believe others cannot really see us as we truly are, perhaps we feel more confident. It allows us to expose parts of ourselves that we might otherwise feel inclined to suppress or hide.
I can remember going out to a swing club for Halloween. We live close to the club, so we spend a fair amount of time there. This Halloween night, when both the girls at the front desk and the bartenders did not recognize me, something inside clicked. I walked around and realized that with a red wig on, I had become totally unrecognizable to people. It was so liberating to be able to act in a way that I otherwise would have felt too shy to do. I felt bolder and more open than I ever had before.
It was apparent that some people who tended to be shy, seemed to have found confidence by wearing a costume. It seemed to summon something inside them that did not usually come out.
The dance floor on Halloween was exceptionally crowded. People who are not usually on the dance floor were suddenly letting loose. The power of their costumes was startling.
For some people, simply entering the lifestyle creates an alter ego. By day, someone might be a teacher, a doctor or an accountant. By night, that same person lets loose and has sex with a group of total strangers. A religious individual who wears modest clothing during the day suddenly reinvents herself at night and wears mini skirts, skimpy tops and thigh high boots.
Alter egos are a healthy way to explore another side of oneself. It allows a person the freedom to behave in a way that would be impossible under normal circumstances. Imagine the slutty religious woman wearing her club clothing in her own community. Would never happen, and if it did, she would surely be shunned.
Do we all have a secret alter ego busting to be let out? A superhero begging to be unleashed? A slut living deep inside ourselves wishing to get out to explore her sexuality?
Whatever the answer is, the lifestyle is a wonderful place to probe this side of oneself. It is almost fantasy like to be able to be free to act in a way that your day to day self does not feel free to do. Try it!
If you admire the lifestyle tattoo in the image, you can purchase it here, in our online store:
Nobody likes complicated things and most people hate drama. As a rule, when it comes to swinging, it is no different.
Swinging is something people do for enjoyment. Going to a lifestyle event, hotel takeover, swing club, private party or a lifestyle cruise are things people do for fun. If couples were looking for a complicated evening or vacation, they would make plans with their teenage children.
The majority of the time, swinging is a fun way to spend a night. You get dressed up, you get cleaned up and you are looking forward to a good time. Lifestyle friends are always up for a party and it does not matter what the venue is.
A perfect night usually entails heading out to a party or club. Once there, meeting friends and people you do not know (and some you do), having a few drinks, and heading into a play area. Next, you try to find another couple (or single). Ideally, everybody plays, everybody is happy, and you leave. That’s not so hard, right?
For many couples it is simple. They have conversations about what works for the both of them. Usually, the problems begin when a couple does not communicate or one is not honest.
So what causes drama in the lifestyle? Swingers are out to have fun, what could possibly go wrong? Here are a few issues that make swinging more difficult than it needs to be:
1. Someone is too drunk to play.
2. One member of the couple is not interested but their partner doesn’t seem to notice (or care).
3. The couple is in a fight but they try to find another couple anyway.
4. One member of the couple is not a player, they just like to watch.
5. The husband is full swap, the wife is not.
6. One of them gets jealous when they see the other play.
7. They want others to touch them but they don’t reciprocate
8. One is pushing the other to do things they are not comfortable with.
9. One engages with another couple without getting their partners approval
10. One gets upset and leaves during play.
Not surprisingly, when couples find themselves in situations such as these, it ruins the moment, and sometimes the night.
With this in mind, how can you avoid ending up with couples who create drama? Unfortunately, with the exception of someone being too intoxicated, it is hard to know in advance. Couples are not always upfront and honest regarding what they will and will not participate in. Not to mention the couples who say they are full swap and ready to play, and they are not.
To begin with, couples who enter a play area must communicate with each other and the couple they intend to play with. If one of you does not play, be honest and upfront. Pushing your partner into a situation that they are not comfortable with can never end well. Besides, couples who cause drama eventually develop a reputation as such.
Like myself, most people are in the lifestyle to have fun. Swinging should be something you do for enjoyment. If you don’t enjoy it or you have a laundry list of rules, better to stay home.
The bottom line, I love to swing, but only when it is simple…
If you are in the lifestyle and are looking to find other swingers, try wearing our lifestyle jewelry. It holds the international symbol for swingers: https://www.swingersjewelry.net/jewelry-for-swingers/
This blog was written for Partners ID by Kennedy M., a single woman in the lifestyle.
Most swingers prefer to keep the fact that they are in the lifestyle to themselves. At times it can be challenging, especially when we find ourselves in situations that are hard to explain. Imagine how hard it would be for vanilla people to wrap their minds around a unicorn!
Not long ago, while taking notes in a board room for an important client, I received an email with a subject line that said it was an important message from Joe (a close friend’s name). I was busy and did not look at the return email address. As soon as we took a break for a few minutes I scrolled down and clicked on it. To my surprise there was a close up picture of a black man’s dick. Before I could click delete, a male coworker was standing behind my chair asking if that was my new boyfriend.
When I am not blogging about my lifestyle experiences I have a job that is quite vanilla; complete with meetings in board rooms and client lunches. For obvious reasons, I do not discuss my private life where I work. When colleagues ask what I did over the weekend, I usually tell them, “The usual; a movie, some dinner” etc. The company I work for would be horrified if they really knew how I spend my weekends.
I am a unicorn, a single girl in the swinger lifestyle, for those who do not know the term.
When I started swinging, I was not alone. My boyfriend and I spent at least two night each week in our local swing club. I was very much in love with my boyfriend and was heart broken when he ended it with little explanation.
I am not soured by this nor do I hate men. Right now, I am wary of putting my heart out there again in fear that I will find myself in the same situation.
When I was finally ready to go back out after the breakup, I returned to a place where I felt very comfortable in the past. My former boyfriend and I were swing club rats and spent at least two nights a week in our local establishment. We had a nice circle of lifestyle friends, many of whom had reached out to me after the break up.
My first night out alone was a little bit scary. Naturally, I was unsure how I would be received by some of the women. Although I knew I was not looking to intrude on anyone’s relationship, would other people know that? I had never really known any unicorns but had heard some women speaking poorly of them in the past. The last thing I wanted was for people to think I had some ulterior motives for spending time in a swing club.
For the most part, the women were happy to see me and welcomed me with open arms. One or two seemed a bit uncomfortable with all the attention the men lavished upon me (which I in no way sought out but as most unicorns will admit, it is hard to avoid).
The first few times I went to the club I felt a little awkward. I needed people to make me feel like I belonged there. It didn’t take long for couples (some I knew, some I did not) to ask me to join them in the back room. After a period of time I started receiving invitations to parties. Then men started asking me to accompany them to the club when their wives were out of town. Although I do know other unicorns who have no problem with this, I have always declined the offers. Whereas I knew why I was there, I wasn’t sure others understood why I chose to make a swing club my night life of choice. It was hurtful when I overheard women asking each other what exactly I was looking for.
I will tell you “what I was, and still am, looking for.” I love to dance, I love to dress sexy and I love to have fun. I like to meet new people and I love to have sex; both with men and with women. I like the comfort and the warmth of the lifestyle. It’s a great place to go to as you do not need a date, or to make plans with others. You just show up and hang with the people who are there. You can spend an amazing night, have great sex and kiss the other people goodnight. I can go home and sleep alone in my bed. Nobody to answer to. I can stay until 12 midnight or go home at 4am. I can do what I want with no strings attached.
If I am looking for some one on one time, there are always single guys who are more than willing to spend the evening with a unicorn. The best part is, I do not have to be alone with them. We can choose a private room to play but I am not in a scary situation with a stranger. If I want to be with a couple, no problem. If I want a gang bang, that’s my choice. The best part for me is that I leave alone.
I am not looking for a boyfriend, husband or anything else; just a good time. That’s it, that’s all. Obviously I cannot speak for every unicorn as we are all individuals. Over time I have gotten to know a few who spend time in this swing club. We are definitely not all on the same page. Personally, I will not go into the back room with someone else’s husband if she is not in the club to approve. Most of the other girls have no problem with that.
I will not date a married man with or without the wife’s permission. I will only play with someone’s husband if she is present, but even then, I prefer to make it a threesome. Most unicorns I have met don’t really have any rules. They are out for themselves and offer no apologies for what they do. They prefer to be alone for a variety of reasons and although they love the attention they get in the clubs, for the most part, they are not looking for anything more than a good time.
I have tried to imagine how I would feel if there was a unicorn around when my boyfriend and I were together at the club. We did not really know of any at that time so it is hard to say. If unicorns are respectful of other’s relationships then there should never be a problem. I would suggest making sure that if you choose this route you pay a lot of attention to the women. If you are flirting with their husband and ignoring them, this will be a problem for sure. Since you have no one to offer to them, you must flirt with them as a couple. Always try to put yourself in the woman’s shoes and ask yourself how you would feel if the situation were reversed.
Unicorns are a great addition to the lifestyle if they understand the rules of the game. Some think they are the stars of the club because they get a lot of attention. Perhaps it would be better to just think of yourself as another component to the lifestyle. Although we bring an added element to the lifestyle, the lifestyle could easily exist without us.
Nobody ever asks what single men are looking for in the club. Why the double standard? It seems a question I hear often regarding unicorns. Perhaps it would surprise people to hear that I am looking for sex just like they are. It just so happens tothat I prefer the no strings attached variety. I don’t want you to call me in the morning. Really, I don’t. More often that not, I also don’t want to play with you again. It was fun once but I am not looking to repeat the experience regardless of how awesome it might have been. I am not looking for you to cuddle with me or tell me how beautiful I am. Please do not tell me about your problems and I will not bother you with mine. The truth is, I don’t really care, I just want to enjoy my night out.
I do like to try new things and am very open minded. Sometimes that seems to make some women feel a little threatened. I am not a slut or a whore because I am a sexual person. When I was in a relationship I did not feel as free to explore things as I do now. Perhaps that is why it is hard for you to relate, but that doesn’t really give you the right to judge.
People have asked me many times why I am not out looking for someone of my own. It is a valid question but again, I am enjoying being by myself. When I am ready to be in a relationship, I can assure you I will not be fishing for someone in a swing club. Perhaps one day I will meet a nice single guy at a lifestyle event but who knows. For now, I am very happy to be a unicorn and have no plans to change that any time soon.
Let’s talk about vaginas, shall we? It is something people rarely mention…
Vaginas are an integral part of our sex lives yet just saying the word seems to make people uncomfortable. To test out this theory it seemed natural to talk with a group of swingers. Swingers are such a great resource when sex is the topic. They are not afraid to be open and candid. If you want to know something that you have never been comfortable asking regarding sex, ask a swinger. They might not have all the answers, but they will certainly give you any information they can! Why then, when they hear the word vagina, do even swingers giggle?
So what’s the deal with vaginas?
Just the word vagina makes people shy away. A Michigan lawmaker was banned from speaking in her state’s House of Representatives because she said the word “vagina.” Really?! Is the vagina not simply a female body part? Should she have called it a va jay jay? How about pussy or snatch? Better?
How about the tampon commercials? They are obviously dealing directly with vaginas yet they never once use the word. How is this possible? If you watch carefully, they don’t even make mention of the female genitalia; not even a “down there” reference. What’s up with that?
It makes people giggle and look at you like you are drunk when you say the word vagina.
There are so many nicknames for the vagina that this should be a red flag right there! I have heard everything from penis snuggie to tuna taco to honey pot, and those are some of the nicer ones. There are actually lists of names on the internet. Here are a few sites I found:
Not even swingers are comfortable using the word?
I asked a group of female swingers if they ever use the word in general. Whether while talking about sex or even with their gynecologist. Ready for this? They all answered no, it’s not a word they feel comfortable using. Really? Even for swingers? I asked if they were having a problem with their vagina, how they would refer to it while speaking with their doctor? The most common answer: “down there.” One said she had actually said va jay jay to her doctor. I asked if he laughed and she said no.
Why do we need to use other words to describe it?
Is there a problem with the word vagina? Maybe we should consider simply changing the name to something that doesn’t make people so uncomfortable. Even after reading through some pretty ridiculous, yet hilarious names, I’m not sure what would be better: Cooch? Hooha? Snatch?
Is it the actual name of the organ that causes so much discomfort or is it the organ itself?
Men seem to take great pride in the fact that they have a penis. We see that from an early age and it seems to stay with them for their entire lives. Even as little boys, we see them touching it and playing with it as soon as they become aware of it. It’s rare that men shy away from an opportunity to take it out and show it off.
Why is it different for women? Is it the way we are brought up? Almost as if we are taught that it is something to be ashamed of? Why should something that is part of our sexual makeup, something that can make us feel so good, make us feel so ashamed?
Maybe it is time we give vaginas a break. They do an awful lot for us! It’s time we stopped being embarrassed by them and started giving them the respect they deserve! I am even willing to bet that after reading the word vagina this many times, you are feeling slightest more comfortable with it. Right?
An open letter to my friend…
Guest blogger: Tina (location withheld)
Dear Friend, (Male friend of mine who is married to my best friend),
I do love both of you, you are such great friends. We are friends the way only people in the lifestyle can be. We go out, have dinner, drinks, go to the club, and dance, and yes, we all have sex together.
Sometimes you stay over and we enjoy a wonderful, cozy breakfast together in our t-shirts and underwear. We hang out by the pool and just enjoy our time together.
So here’s the problem… my friend’s husband has been on a mission for the past year to experience double penetration. He was victorious one afternoon when we invited another couple to join us at home. When it started to rain, we all ran inside where out of the blue, this woman, who was brand new to the lifestyle, announces that her secret desire has always been to have double penetration. Us girls were a bit shocked by this sudden revelation but the men took no time and were happy to oblige. My best friend’s husband positioned himself in the back because this is part of his new fascination.
Unfortunately, this was just the beginning. He found other women to have anal sex with and even talked his wife into trying double with him and another man. Now his attention has turned to me.
Is this a case of wanting that which we cannot have? I suspect that it is and so we joke about this frequently.
The bottom line is… if I were looking to experiment with DP, I can say one thing is certain: It would not be with you or my husband (who thankfully is not interested). I would be looking for the smallest dick available and this disqualifies both you and my husband!
Think about it… it makes sense. Why on earth would I want the guy with one of the biggest dicks around, to be the one I attempt this with? Not going to happen my friend so this letter is simply to let you know that although I love you as my friend, we should put this to rest once and for all.
Case closed, or to put it crudely, oh never mind, you know what I mean.
Your loving friend,
I remember how I laughed as I wrote and later sent this blog for you to post on your website. My friend laughed along but promised me this was not over by a long shot.
Well, here is the update…
I did indeed participate in double penetration about 1-year post writing this blog. It was a drunken afternoon with my husband and a single male friend. One thing led to another and boom! It happened! This man is average-sized at best and in my drunken state, it was no problem.
Did I enjoy it? Why yes, I did! It is not something I felt the need to repeat, but at least I could check it off my friend’s bucket list for me.
He and I did have anal sex not long after, but not double penetration. Just as I suspected, he was looking for the conquer, and as it was fulfilled by another man, he lost interest. At least for now…
Are people still afraid to let others know that they are in the lifestyle?
Why do swingers feel the need to keep their lifestyle a secret? I frequently hear swingers say that nobody knows that they are in the lifestyle. They would die if someone found out. Why is that? What do people think when they hear someone they know is a swinger? It reminds me of the time before I had ever had sex. I couldn’t imagine how you could face the person you had sex with afterward. What would they think after they had seen you in such a compromising way? How would others see you? Obviously I discovered that these fears were unfounded. Nobody seemed to look at me any differently, and facing the guy who I was with was no problem. So what is it that makes us fear discovery?
What is it that swingers fear about exposure?
Curiosity got the best of me and so I started to ask swingers. I asked a group of swingers if they are very religious, but they are not. I wondered if their children were at an age that it would create confusion and uncertainty, but they are not. Do they think they are doing something criminal or unethical? They do not. Hmm. Would exposure embarrass them? This question got a nod. Embarrassed? Why? In truth, swingers are doing something that most people wish they could do. They have sex with others and it doesn’t destroy their marriage. Why? Because two consenting adults have agreed to enter into this together. There are no lies or secrets.
Would friends and family alienate you if they found out you were having an affair?
Admitting that you are a swinger should be a lot less traumatic than admitting you are having an affair, no? After all, one is cheating and lying to someone you say you are in love with, the other is not. Cheaters sneak around, worrying that they will be caught. Getting caught would disrupt their lives and the lives of those around them. Swingers, on the other hand, are out having a great time together. They are out enjoying parties and events with their significant other. This is something that others only dream of.
I wonder how many swingers are truly living this lifestyle unbeknownst to their friends and family. Probably not nearly as many as believe they are. Often times I watch swingers arrive at a club clad in an oversized trench coat in the middle of the summer. When I ask these women if their family or neighbors don’t find this strange they say they don’t think so. Really? It’s 90 degrees outside and you leave your house or condo wearing a trench coat cinched at the waist with stiletto heels and nobody thinks that’s odd?
What happens to couples who come clean about the lifestyle?
Many swingers have said that when they finally decided to disclose to friends and family that they were swingers, many were not surprised. Many said they had known about it for years but understood the swinger couple wanted to keep it to themselves. (If these were the trench coat women, it’s no wonder people knew.)
What about the family and friends who did not suspect this person or couple was in the lifestyle? What was their reaction? Were they shocked and appalled? Not according to the people I have spoken with. Most said that more than anything, they were curious about swinging. They asked a lot of questions but did not seem to have a negative reaction. Many couples said that both friends and many family members (mostly siblings), eventually asked if they could tag along one night to see what it was all about.
Stop apologizing for your lifestyle choices; it’s your life and your decision to make.
Like any other group, in order to gain acceptance, we must learn to stand up for what we believe in. Swingers should not be ashamed of their lifestyle. Obviously it is not necessary to divulge what you do when you are at a swing club, or party, or another event. Most people do not give blow by blow (pun intended) details to others about what they do in their bedrooms. No need to reveal that you participated in a gang bang with 15+ men last Saturday. Nobody needs to know that you tried double penetration for the first time and loved it. Many swingers don’t swap, and many people in the lifestyle are not swingers. Enjoying the warm atmosphere that accompanies the lifestyle is a wonderful thing and people should not have to hide from it.
Why do people find it acceptable to learn that many famous couples are swingers? Why are they held to a different standard than the rest of us. Because they are famous? Some are highly influential people and they do not deny that they are swingers. Famous people frequently answer questions about their lifestyle and seem quite comfortable doing so.
What does wearing lifestyle jewelry actually say about you?
Wearing our jewelry means that you are open-minded. If you think about it, being a part of the lifestyle really doesn’t mean more than that. If your children or parents told you the same thing, would it concern you? Although it might surprise you, you would be happy to see them happy.
When we initially came up with the concept for the jewelry, we had just this vision in mind. Wear the jewelry with pride. First of all, others do not know what it means. Secondly, even if they did, what does it really say about you? It says that you are an open-minded person.
Let’s continue the movement to unite the lifestyle. People in the lifestyle could really teach others a lot about relationships. Honesty, respect and fun are the three hallmarks of the lifestyle. What could be better than that?
To see our collection of lifestyle jewelry click here: https://www.swingersjewelry.net/jewelry-for-swingers/page/2/