Infidelity and the lifestyle; how swinging helps couples avoid cheating on each other.

Happy couple clinking wine glasses
Happy couple clinking wine glasses

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

People who are not in the lifestyle, equate swinging with infidelity.  Obviously, for people who swing, this is absolutely untrue.   According to dictionary.com. infidelity means:

1.  marital disloyalty
2.  unfaithfulness
     Considering those two meanings, swingers are not being disloyal or unfaithful to their spouses.  Perhaps we should think of swingers as writng their own rules in their own marriages.  They have decided together, as a couple, to open their marriage to something more. Whether or not religious figures would agree that this is not adultery or infidelity is another topic altogether.

It is not uncommon to hear people who are not in the lifestyle to question why couples swing.  Besides that they imagine swingers to be perverted deviants, their perception of swingers is really off.  They have a hard time understanding why people would be open to having sex with someone other than their spouse.  More than that, they cannot fathom why swingers do not get upset with the fact that their significant others are doing this.

Let’s consider this:  if a department store invited you to visit anytime, and take what you needed for free, would you ever feel the need to steal something from them?   Silly question right?  How can you steal something if they are giving it to you for free?   Let’s say you are in school and need help on an exam and the teacher tells you anytime you don’t know an answer to just ask her and she will tell you. Would you need to copy off someone’s paper?  What would be the point?  The teacher has already offered the free help, right?  It is the same in the lifestyle.  Your partner offers to let you swing with other people, why would you need to do this behind their back?  That is not to say that it never happens because it probably does, but what it is the point?

It is very common when you speak with swingers to hear how surprised they were when they first entered the lifestyle to discover how in love swingers seemed to be.  It was exactly the opposite of what they had imagined.  If couples were so in love, what drove them into the lifestyle?  The best answer is probably honesty.

The relationship between a couple who chooses to swing has to be very open and honest.   In order to swing, they had to get to the point where they could admit that although they love each other, they would like to try something else.  It is normal for  couples to fall into a routine or rut with their sex life.  Some couples try to spice things up by watching porn, using toys, trying different positions or even going to strip clubs.  What happens when that is not enough?

For couples not in the lifestyle, unfortunately, they might look to someone else to fill that void.  Infidelity is exceptionally selfish.  One person in the couple chooses to find excitement that is lost with their partner while the other partner makes do with  the lack of fulfillment.  Sometimes both parts of the couple choose to be unfaithful to each other while maintaining  the facade of a wonderful marriage.  How long can that last?

When you consider the avenue swingers take, it seems more logical and loving.  Swinging is something couples do together.  They venture into the lifestyle as a couple not to find someone to replace their partner, but to find couples to spice up their sex life.  The excitement is something they experience together.  The only sneaking around these couples might be engaging in, is from their family and friends. Swinging creates a very strong bond;  you are naughty together.

When you consider the freedom that swinging brings to both members of the couple, who would feel the need to cheat?  Sure, there are always exceptions, but that shows a true character fault.  Generally speaking, swingers would agree that they have no reason to cheat.  Swinging helps them to avoid infedelity.

Many couples who have been in the lifestyle for many years reach different levels of comfort with separating while swinging.  Some couples have no problem allowing their significant other to play on their own while traveling or with friends they have met in the lifestyle.  They talk about how much pleasure they get just from hearing about the escapades of their partners.   The only request they make of each other is to tell them about what they do when they play on their own.  Some couples never separate and continue their swinging journey side by side.  Either way, the degree of trust and freedom is immeasurable compared with those not in the lifestyle.

Everyone is different and perhaps there are couples who never feel the desire to play outside their marriage.  It seems that number would be very low when you consider how rampant infidelity is.

My question to those not in the lifestyle is this:  why not try to explore together what both of you are secretly wishing for?  It is impossible to believe that every married adult at some point has not fantasized about having sex with someone else.  A neighbor, a  teacher, a coworker, someone famous or your spouse’s best friend.   The best part about swinging is that these are no longer secrets or fantasies!  You and your partner not only talk about what your sexual fantasies are, you experience them together.  What could be more honest and intimate than that?  That is what creates such a strong bond between swingers.   When you have everything you need at home, why would you need to go elsewhere?

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Why do swingers seem so much younger than their vanilla counterparts?

woman in swinger lifestyle wearing partners ID jewelry

A coworker recently asked what I had done over the weekend.  Without thinking I said, “A gang bang and 2 very sexy women.”  When I realized what I had said and I saw the look on my coworkers face, I went into panic mode.  Thankfully, that’s when I woke up from this nightmare!

Imagine if swingers could actually be honest with people about how we spend our time.  So often people comment on how I stay in good shape or the fact that my hair or nails are always impeccable.  Well, yea, I’m a swinger!  I spend every weekend at a swing club and many weekends at a nude beach.  It is important for me to look good!

Maybe people who are in the swinger lifestyle are more in tune with their bodies because we don’t keep them covered very often.  Wearing sexy clothing and shoes are one of the fun aspects of going out to swing clubs.  Although on occasion you will spot a woman in jeans and flip flops, it is very rare.  Most swingers dress to impress.

Swinging is a lot like dating.  The goal is to find others with whom to play.  Obviously, like when you are dating, you want to put your best foot forward.  Looking good is certainly a plus.

For those not in the lifestyle, it is easy to stop trying to impress your significant other.  They see you at your best and they see you at your worst and they still love you.  Perhaps this can cause people to become complacent.  After all, once you have settled in with a partner, there are more important things to worry about, right?

Not for swingers!  

When we first entered the lifestyle I was shocked by how much younger swingers seemed.  I can remember meeting couples who were closer to my parent’s age than my own.  It was amazing how fit and sexy they were. Not to mention how open-minded their attitudes were!  I could only attribute these characteristics to the fact that they were in the lifestyle.

The lifestyle takes sex from being an obligation to the exciting fun it was when you first met.  It turns fantasies into realities!  Lifestyle vacations are like sleep-away camp.  All of your friends are there to have fun together.

The lifestyle creates a very busy social life for people who are looking to get involved.  Between meet and greets, parties, swing clubs, hotel takeovers, cruises, and lifestyle resorts there is a lot going on!  Even simply having dinner with lifestyle friends is different.  The conversations are sexier and everyone is looking to have a good time.

Life is exciting when you have things to look forward to.  That is not to say that vanilla people don’t have things to look forward to; obviously, they do.  What swingers look forward to are endless events and parties.  From Sunday Funday to Saturday night specials, every day is a party!  There are many swingers who have already booked cruises for 2021 and beyond!  

It seems that swingers have really found the fountain of youth.  Life can be difficult and stressful but when we put on our swinger hats it is all about fun.  The serious stuff can wait until the next morning!  

Perhaps those in the swinger lifestyle seem younger than their vanilla counterparts for good reasons.  They are active, they are free and they have endless opportunities for fun to look forward to. 

Exploring your fantasies and watching your spouse do the same can be intoxicating!  Flirting with others, having sex with different people all while maintaining a loving relationship with your spouse is beyond compare.  When life is this much fun, who wants to get old?

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Love does play a role in swinging but not in the way people might imagine.

Couple in love wearing Partners ID jewelry
Couple in love wearing Partners ID jewelry

When we think about swinging, we do not think about love. The purpose of swinging is to have fun. To find another couple or a single man or woman to fulfill a fantasy. Sex is a physical act and does not require love to participate. Swinging equates to sex without love whereas a marriage incorporates love and sex.

To people who are not in the lifestyle, it is a very difficult concept for them to grasp. They frequently ask if couples in the lifestyle are afraid that their partner might fall in love with someone else. Sure, anything is possible, but you do not have to be a swinger to be at risk of falling in love with someone else.

Swinging has nothing to do with love. Swingers do not seek out the lifestyle to find a partner to share their life with. Single swingers might be looking for love. Some are looking for someone who shares their lifestyle views. Couples are not there for this reason.

Vanilla couples cannot understand how swingers do not get jealous when they see their partner with someone else but it always reminds me of something from the Bible. The following is a part of the passage, not the entire thing: (I am not religious, or Catholic, but this always comes to mind):

Love is patient. Love is kind. Love does not envy, it does not put on airs, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, and it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. So Faith, Hope and Love abide these three; But the Greatest of these is Love.”

In my opinion, the only role love plays in swinging, is between the couple that decides together that they would like to explore the  lifestyle.  You love your partner enough to give them the freedom to partake in things they otherwise could not, and you find joy in seeing them enjoy those things.  You have faith in your partner; you allow them to play because you are sure they will come back to you.   You are able to express love for each other by forging your own path.  You do not allow others to dictate to you what is normal.  Although society equates love with monogamy, you choose to define love your own way and you know the love between you and your partner is mutually exclusive.  You hope that your love is forever and that these experiences will only enrich your lives.

There is no love between couples that play but there can be infatuation or lust.  How can you love someone that you don’t really know?  The person who shows up at parties or swing clubs or on vacations or cruises allows you to see only a small part of who they are.  The real person is the one who has to get up for work in the mornings; the person who has to clean up after their children or their dog.  The true person is not always dancing and having fun but paying bills and dealing with stress.  Until you know that person, how can you really know that you love them?

The part of swinging that makes it so enjoyable is that we get to dress up, have a few drinks, dance or socialize then move onto the swinging aspect.  Spending an evening with swingers is like going out on New Year’s Eve.  It’s always a big party, but is that real life?  It is an awful lot of fun and the environment lends itself to getting hot for other people, but that is the whole point.  We go into swing clubs looking for others to spend a few hours with but not our lives.

If people in the lifestyle were not able to separate sex and love, swinging could not exist.  It is the rare couple who can find that delicate balance and make it work.  If couples were constantly falling in love with each other, swing clubs would be empty.  Who would want to risk their relationship for an evening of fun?
The most important thing is to keep perspective.  Having sex with someone else is just for a moment of pleasure, whereas being in a committed relationship is hopefully for a lifetime.

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I love swinging! When it is simple…

Difficult couple new to swinging

Nobody likes complicated things and most people hate drama.  When it comes to swinging, it is no different.

Swinging is something people do for enjoyment.  Going to a lifestyle event, hotel takeover, swing club, private party or a lifestyle cruise are things people do for fun.  If couples were looking for a complicated evening or vacation, they would make plans with their teenaged children.

The majority of the time, swinging is a fun way to spend a night.  You get dressed up, you get cleaned up and you are looking forward to a good time.  Lifestyle friends are always up for a party and it does not matter what the venue is.

A perfect night usually entails heading out to a party or club. Once there,   meeting friends and people you do not know, having a few drinks,  and heading into a play area.  You find another couple (or single), everybody plays, everybody is happy, you leave.  That’s not so hard, right?

For many couples it is simple.  They have conversations about what works for the both of them. The problem usually begins when a couple does not communicate or one is not honest.

So what is drama in the lifestyle?  Swingers are out to have fun, what could possibly go wrong?  Here are a few issues that make swinging more difficult than it needs to be:

1.  Someone is too drunk to play.
2.  One of the couple is not interested but their partner doesn’t seem to notice.
3.  The couple is in a fight but they try to find another couple anyway.
4.  One of the couple is not a player, they just like to watch.
5.  The husband is full swap, the wife is not.
6.  One of them gets jealous when they see the other play.
7.  They want others to touch them but they don’t reciprocate
8.  One is pushing the other to do things they are not comfortable with.
9.  One engages with another couple without getting their partners approval
10.  One gets upset and leaves during play.

When couples find themselves in situations such as these it ruins the moment, and sometimes the night.

How can you avoid ending up with couples who are like this?  Unfortunately, with the exception someone being too intoxicated, it is hard to know in advance.  Sometimes even when a couple says they are full swap or ready to play, they are not.

Couples who enter a play area must communicate with each other and the couple they intend to play with.  If one of you does not play, be honest and upfront.  Pushing your partner into a situation that they are not comfortable with can never end well.

Like myself, most people are in the lifestyle to have fun.  Swinging should be something you do for enjoyment.  If you don’t enjoy it or you have a laundry list of rules, better to stay home.

Bottom line, I love to swing, but only when it is simple…

If you are in the lifestyle and are looking to find other swingers, try wearing our lifestyle jewelry. It holds the international symbol for swingers: https://www.swingersjewelry.net/jewelry-for-swingers/

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A visit to a swing club might be just what your marriage needs!

Woman talking about swing club wearing Partners ID jewelry

When a friend confides that her sex life has diminished, would you suggest visiting a swing club?  I did…

A friend recently confided in me that her sex life has become pretty non existent.  After years of great sex, it no longer exists.  She wondered aloud if he no longer found her attractive.  There was no concern of another woman, they were very happily married.  I asked if perhaps it was a hormonal problem and she said she did not believe that was it.

So what’s happening?  My friend is very attractive and takes good care of herself.  She has a great figure and wears form fitting clothing to show it off.  I decided since she was coming to me for advice, I would take a chance.

“A few years ago, my husband and I were in a sexual rut,” I explained.  “Sex had become routine.  We decided to try toys, watch porn and role play.  Although it was exciting for a while, we found ourselves looking for something more.  My husband suggested a strip club and this was also exciting at first, but soon we were bored.  It was during a night at a strip club that one of the dancers suggested we try a swing club.”

I held my breath and waited for her reaction.  She leaned in close to me and with bated breath asked quietly, “And?”

Not sure how to proceed, I turned the tables.  I asked her what she would do.  Would she be willing to try a swing club? 

As I listened to her talk about how disgusting the thought of this was, I stopped her.  I decided to take a chance and tell her we had tried it a few times.  Very nonchalantly I described the first few nights we had actually visited a swing club.  The nerves, the anticipation of what I would see, what I wore and finally what I thought of the experience.  

This is perhaps the most important thing that vanilla couples misunderstand about what happens in a swing club.  I was honest about my fears regarding what type of people would actually spend time in a swing club.  The thought of half naked people walking around touching each other was a fear of mine.  I was sure the people would be old and unattractive; that the club would be a dungeon full of scary sights.  Not knowing what to expect is perhaps one of the biggest reasons that people shy away from swing clubs.

Her eyes were large as she listened intently.  She was dying to know what the club was actually like.  It was more shocking for her when I told her it was the exact opposite of what I had imagined.  The club was beautiful and upscale.  The people were warm and friendly; easy to talk to and quite interesting.  Many were professionals and most were genuinely normal, everyday type of people.  

I continued to explain that I did not see anything alarming or perverse.  Some couples were busy in groups, talking and laughing, some couples were dancing and others simply sat and observed.  Both women and men were well dressed.  Some women were a bit sexier than others, but if I had not known I was in a swing club, I would not have thought anything was odd.  Except, perhaps for the fact that people were so friendly and there was a monitor over the dance floor playing porn.

She was curious to hear whether we had seen people having sex while at the club.  There was no intent on my part to reveal that we have been in the lifestyle for many years and spend every weekend at this club.  My only interest was to help shed some light on the truth about swing clubs.  My answers reflected my views when I was new to the lifestyle.

I admitted that we, too, were curious and so after a few visits to this club we decided to check it out.  There was no way I was going to tell her that we had to change into towels to go into the back room, so I left that part out.

 

It seemed best to explain how respectful others are in this situation.  You go at your own pace.  If you simply want to watch, that is fine.  Some couples simply play with their husband or wife, while others opt to trade partners as they play side by side.  Some people like to play as threesomes and some prefer to be in a private room.  

I did admit that it was a very exciting way to spend a night. That first visit to the club had ignited a sexual flame within the both of us.  The club had a sexy vibe and we liked that.  Watching other people having sex was erotic and exciting.  The atmosphere is like none other.

My final bit of advice to her was to do some research and perhaps try it out.  There is no pressure to do anything.  Many people go to swing clubs and simply socialize.  Some drink and dance.  The most important thing is to do something in her marriage to get it back on track.

The simple act of going to a swing club brought my husband and I closer after just the first time.  We were now partners in crime and had something that we did not share with others.  It was our secret and it was shocking how it helped us to grow as a couple.  

The bottom line is that going to a swing club is an experience.  Perhaps one couple will love it and another will not.  It is not a commitment of any kind and there are no promises or guarantees of what will happen on any given night.  The most important thing to remember is that it is something you do together. 

Looking to find other swingers?  Wear lifestyle jewelry so others can find you!  Shop for the jewelry here: https://www.swingersjewelry.net/jewelry-for-swingers/

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Why should we wear lifestyle jewelry? Is it really necessary?

 

Swingers on beach wearing Partners ID jewelry

Before Partners ID was born, my husband and I had been in the lifestyle for many years.  Some of our favorite lifestyle activities included going to  swing clubs and a local nude beach.  We traveled to Desire and Hedo and had ventured out on a lifestyle cruise.  At times we checked out swinger dating sites for private party information and to meet other swingers online.  

Regardless of the fact that we knew where to go to meet swingers, something was missing. We have always been proud to be in the lifestyle but we also practice discretion.   It is clear to us that there are many benefits to being in the lifestyle but most vanilla couples cannot understand this.  Most people are not open to the concept of swinging.  For this reason, most swingers prefer to keep the fact that they are in the lifestyle to themselves.

At times we would wonder about couples we would spot on the nude beach.  Quite often, we would spot an attractive couple and try to figure out if they were swingers. It occurred to us that other than flat out asking them, there was really no way to know for sure if they were in the lfiestyle. 

Not long after we had started to think about this, we took a trip to Cap D’agde, the naturist resort in France.  This community boasts as many as 50,000 visitors during their busiest times of year.  While the majority of people who visit are nudists, Cap D’agde also attracts many swingers.  During the summer months, Cap D’Agde reports that they can host upwards of 10,000 swingers at certain times.  Although that sounds like a lot, it is only about 1/5 of the population at the resort.

One thing about this is very important to understand.  While swingers can also be nudists, most naturists are not swingers.  More importantly, many naturists are as opposed to swingers as many vanilla couples are.  That creates some difficulty in an environment such as this.  Swingers are all excited to mingle and meet others in the lifestyle, but how can they decipher who the swingers are without asking?

It was at this point that we started to realize that something very important was missing from the lifestyle.  Swingers needed something to identify themselves to each other without alerting everyone around them.  A symbol that was designed only for this purpose.  It had to be too complicated to google yet easy to spot.  

The decision was made to do something about this problem while on the beach in Cap D’Agde.  There were 3 couples involved:  one American couple, one French couple and one Australian couple.  If there was a simple pendant that we could wear, that would identify us to others and others to us, this very vacation would have been so much better!  

This concept made us think about other aspects of our lives.  Wouldn’t it be great if we could meet other swingers in a local bar, at a grocery store, at a sporting event?  There would no longer be any reason to constantly wonder if other people were swingers.  

Since its inception, customers have written us hundreds of emails.  They relate stories of how they have met others swingers because of the jewelry. Each note always says the same thing:  “We would never have met these people if it wasn’t for the jewelry.”  That is exactly why it was created. 

Now imagine if everyone in the lifestyle wore this pendant….

To see our collection of lifestyle jewelry click here:  

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The term “swinger” should be updated to help us gain acceptance in society.

Open-minded couples in bathrobes wearing Partners ID jewelry
Open-minded couples in bathrobes wearing Partners ID jewelry

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Is the term “swinger” outdated and in need of an update?

Welcome to 2019! This is the future that many of us imagined back when we were kids. For many of us, the future actually arrived on October 21, 2015. This is the date that Marty McFly travels to save his children, whom were yet to be born in “Back to the Future’s” 1985.  http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0088763/.

For many of us, we believed by now we would be living like the “Jetsons”  http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0055683/ , but so far, that has not come to fruition.

Perhaps all the fancy technology we had envisioned is not what makes the year 2019 as different as we imagined as children. We might not have accomplished the ability to fly personal aircrafts and have robots catering to our every need, but we have accomplished something much more valuable. We have witnessed a new generation that is proving itself to be much more open minded than any generation before. Now obviously I cannot speak for every single person or community of people, I can only point to the majority.

This generation grew up accepting people, they are less concerned with race, religion and gender than any generation before them. Most don’t judge people based on who they love or how they dress. This generation has opened their hearts to the LGBTQ community, which is not something we saw with prior generations.

So here we are, in the year 2019, watching a generation mature and they are open to new ideas and beliefs as well as lifestyles and personal choices. What I have observed however, is they are not open to “swinging”. Oh, don’t get me wrong, they like to have sex, yes, even the married ones, with other people or couples.  It is the term “swinger” that they reject.  It took me a while to understand this, hence, a previous article I wrote: Are couples having sex with friends but not calling themselves swingers? https://www.swingersjewelry.net/sex-friends/  Here I was questioning why couples who were clearly swinging refused to call it such.

Then it hit me, the word swinger has fallen out of favor. The term “swinger” conjures up an image of a couple from the 1970s with bell bottom pants, polyester shirts or dresses and an afro. It’s not that this generation is not open to swinging, they simply do not use the term. This is not a new problem. I believe that people have been moving away from this word for a long time. People frequently speak about the lifestyle, which is a broader term that incorporates swinging, but often use the term lifestyle to indicate that they are swingers. That can be confusing because you can be in the lifestyle but not swing. https://www.swingersjewelry.net/swing-lifestyle/

The question is: if we decide to change the word swinger to make it more socially accepted, what would be the best term? Perhaps instead of labeling people swingers, we should change the term to open-minded. According to dictionary.com, the word open-minded means:
1.  Having or showing a mind receptive to new ideas or arguments.
2.  Unprejudiced; unbigoted; impartial.

The reason open-minded seems like a logical fit is that it simply tells others that you are receptive and unprejudiced. This way people who are open-minded can speak freely about what they are looking for. Open-minded people might not be swingers, but they would have no problem if you are. It doesn’t speak to others about your sexual life, it simply lets them know that you are open to new ideas and won’t judge people for what they choose to do.

In order to eliminate the stigma attached to swingers, we must change the term to illicit a more contemporary view of today’s swingers. We must shed the image of the hippies from the 1970s and educate people that open-minded people are simply sophisticated adults who no longer believe that monogamy is the ideal in every relationship. Open-minded people have discovered that there is an alternative lifestyle that meets their needs.

The term open-minded allows freedom of expression. If you are nonjudgmental, you are willing to accept that others choose a way of life that is comfortable for them. It could mean they are part of the LGBTQ community, they could be part of a polyamorous relationship, it might even mean they are happily married in a monogamous relationship but they are open to how others are living their lives.

Imagine wearing our lifestyle jewelry and allowing the world to learn that it simply means you are open-minded.  Suddenly people  see that as a sign of respect!  When we switch out the term swinger for open-minded, it no longer speaks strictly about your sex life.  It speaks about you, as a person.

Let us consider moving into the year 2018 with a positive attitude and an open mind. Swingers are a thing of the past. Open-minded people are the wave of the future. Let’s all open our hearts and minds; live and let live…

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Uninhibited: Perhaps this should be the word to replace swinger.

Uninhibited woman wearing Partners ID jewelry
Uninhibited woman wearing Partners ID jewelry

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Uninhibited? Perhaps this is the term we should use to replace the word swinger.

We have spoken before about how the term ‘swinger’ is outdated.  Today, the word swinger  has a negative  connotation which dates back to the 1970s. Swingers are no longer a part of the key club culture and they also gave up their huckapoo shirts and nylon slacks decades ago. The word swinger seems to conjure up an image of older folks groping each other and partaking in massive, hairy orgies. It is for this reason, that finding a new word to replace the word “swinger” seems necessary.

The term open-minded has been suggested and we have discussed this as well. It seems like a good option but today we would like to consider the word “uninhibited.”

The word uninhibited, according to the free dictionary means the following:

uninhibited
adjective
1. not inhibited or restricted; unhampered.
2. not restrained by or mindful of social convention or usage; free; candid or spontaneous.

When a friend suggested this term I thought, bingo! This is exactly the word I would use to describe swingers. Although many vanilla people think swingers are wild, reckless and depraved, the word uninhibited exudes a much clearer image of who swingers really are.

Swingers are the first to argue that they are, for the most part, no different from anyone else. The central difference between swingers and their vanilla friends is their desire to enjoy sex with more than one person.

Swingers have the ability to let loose and experiment sexually with other people in ways we have always been taught were wrong. We either learned this from our parents or our religion. Sex was intended to take place only between a married couple. Not between two women, not between two men and certainly not with a multitude of partners. We grew up learning to be modest and to cover up our bodies (especially women).

While these teachings were consistent with generations of the past, with the decline of religion over the past decade or so, and with the Baby Boomers now parents and grandparents, we have seen a shift in many people’s moral compass. People are more open to new ideas and beliefs, which has in turn led people to a more open-minded way of thinking.

Interestingly enough, even with the more relaxed attitudes we see today, swingers remain outcasts. It has become both common and acceptable to reveal to friends, family and coworkers your sexual orientation as well as your gender identity, but it is still not acceptable to be a swinger.

If society refuses to accept swingers, perhaps the best course of action is to change the word associated with swinging. In order to change the mind set, the most logical thing to do is to change the word. Take for example the word stripper. We no longer refer to women as strippers. Exotic dancer has become the new term. The name is chic and no longer elicits an image of vaudeville days with trashy women wearing tassels on their breasts. The term exotic dancer, although it means exactly the same thing as stripper, paints a much more palatable image of a beautiful woman dancing in a club.

As swingers, if we were to change the terminology to simply say that we are uninhibited adults, this would erase the image of bunch of old, out of shape people engrossed in an orgy. For vanilla people, the term will imply little more than an individual who is open to new thoughts and ideas.  People who are uninhibited are not prudish or uptight. If peopleare truly uninhibited, they would be open to the notion of swinging but may or may not partake. This would allow us the freedom to let the world know that we are unconventional or free thinking.  It does not say anything about us sexually. It simply invites open conversations between adults who are uninhibited like ourselves.

Swingers must take the initiative to help change the stigma attached to living this lifestyle. Acknowledging to others that you are uninhibited gives away little about your lifestyle. I truly believe that if the word swinger was abolished, many people who are actually swinging, although they claim that is not what they are doing, would readily admit that they are uninhibited.  This would help build the community while at the same time helping swingers to be accepted for their lifestyle choices.  After all, telling people that you are uninhibited does not really tell them precisely what you are doing.

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Why are single men in the lifestyle? Is it worth their time and effort?

Hot single man wearing Partners ID jewelry for swingers

 

When people think of swingers, they usually think of couples.   

Most people think of swingers as couples who are in committed relationships seeking other couples to swap with.  A large part of the lifestyle does consist of this genre, however, it is not limited to couples. Single men and women are both very present within the lifestyle community.  

It was confusing to me when I learned that there are singles in the lifestyle.  I could not help but wonder what exactly they were looking for.  How do they figure into the world of couple swapping?  The answer is that the lifestyle is actually much broader and more complex than simply couples swapping with other couples.

Many couples enter the lifestyle seeking a third person to join them for sex.  Some are looking for another woman while some are looking for a man.  One or both members of any given couple might not be open to swapping.  They are strictly looking for someone to play together with as a couple.

What brings singles into the lifestyle?  

Are they aware that couples are sometimes looking for a third party to play with?  Is that why they are present?

Let us consider single men.  

Generally speaking,  swing clubs are not the easiest places to find singles for a relationship.  The majority of people who go to swing clubs are couples.  What makes it even harder for single men is the male to female ratio of singles.

There are, however, some clubs which boast more singles and have even had marriages stem from swing club introductions.  (This is true of a club we heard from after this article was originally published.  Here is the quote from this club owner:  “ Here is my perspective, I have had the pleasure of performing 16 weddings.   10 were couples that met at one on my clubs, Exotic Desires Social club in Knoxville Tn, and fell in love.  I performed the wedding ceremony for all ten couples.  All but 1 couple are still married and attend many of our events, so i do say, love can be found at a swinger party.” 

Certianly, not every single man who enters a swing club is looking for love.  Nor, is every single man who enters a club actually single.  While some men might be hoping to find love, some are there for other reasons.  What are those reasons?

Here is what we learned:

Obviously it is impossible to ask every single guy what brings him into the lifestyle so this is based on a small number.  We sat with a few and corresponded with a group over the past few months to try to get some insight.

Single men love sex (shocking).  Most are not looking for a relationship.  They enjoy the warmth and connection of another couple.  Although they might not be part of the couple, they like feeling like they are part of them when playing as a third.  Some like the challenge of being chosen by a couple to join them. 

Most preferred when the husband wanted only to watch his wife play with another man. They all said they were open to threesomes with the husband in the mix.  All of the men admitted that they like to be watched when having sex and also enjoyed watching others.  Two of the men were only voyeurs and so this would be a natural environment for them to enjoy.

With so many single men, what are your chances?

Some felt they had a better chance of having sex in a swing club than trying to meet a girl at a bar or regular club. More than a few reported that they did not have regular success finding couples to play with but still enjoyed the friendly atmosphere of a swing club.   Most of the men I spoke with are not currently in a relationship and several of them expressed that they had bad experiences in prior relationships and this was just easier.

Some of the men admitted that they are lonely and have few social contacts.  A swing club gives them a sense of belonging.  Even if they are not always successful sexually, it affords them a night out where they do not feel so alone.

What happens when it’s getting late and you’re not having any luck?

How about all the “towel sharks” who lurk in the dark corners waiting to emerge when a couple is already engaged in playing?  What are they hoping for?

According to my single sources, that is generally a method of last resort when the night is getting late and they realize they are not having any success with invitations from couples.  At times they find the couples are open to a single man when they are both hot from foreplay.  Often, these couples seemed disinterested prior to that.  Many of the single men admitted that most of their success was waiting for these moments to present themselves. 

So who are all these single men?

Contrary to what some might imagine, single men in the lifestyle come from all walks of life.  Single men range from highly professional, successful businessmen to men who at times find themselves unemplyed.   The interesting part is that this plays no role in who has more success as a single.  The men who find themselves accepted most often by couples are well groomed and confident.  They are friendly and easy going.

Race can sometimes be a part of the puzzle as most men told me both the man and woman of many couples have a fantasy that involves black men.

Swing clubs are expensive, especially for single men.

So is it worth the price of admission for single men to visit a swing club?  Every man said absolutely.  The cost is high for single men but they all felt it was worth the money.  If nothing else, they were always able to watch other couples having sex.

What about private parties?  

How hard is it to get an invitation to a private party?  This can be very tricky for single men.  All of the men with the exception of two had never been invited to a party.  Some had tried to get an invitation via online dating sites like SDC but had not had any success.  

So what’s the take away?  What is it that makes some single men more successful than others?

The two men who have been invited to private parties, are both very attractive, well dressed and gregarious men.  They are both very charming and charismatic.  Just like in the vanilla world, it is easy to see why people are attracted to them.  

They feel that their success is not about their looks but rather how they approach couples.  They always befriend the male of the couple first and try to form a genuine friendship.  If the couple is interested they let the couple approach them, never the reverse.  The men said that being in tune with the couple is very important.  Always follow the man’s lead, even if the female is pushing for something different.  Their outside contact with any couple is always through the male.

It seems single men definitely have their place in the swinger’s world.  It seems to work well for men who are thoughtful about their approach.  Ask any swinger, male or female, and they will say the same.  Nobody likes a person who is disrespectful or pushy.  If a man is looking for success with swingers, hygiene is also very important.  Nobody fantasizes about having sex with someone who smells bad or appears homeless.

Do your homework men and maybe you’ll get lucky!  Good luck!

It help to find other swingers when you wear lifestyle jewelry!  https://www.swingersjewelry.net/jewelry-for-swingers/

 

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Why is it so hard for the vanilla community to accept swingers?

It can be very frustrating to be a swinger.  Those of us who are in the lifestyle love it, but we go to great lengths to hide it from friends and family.   The vanilla world seems unable to understand why people are actually swingers.  Even if you try to explain it them, most are very close minded about the entire lifestyle. 

Why do you suppose people are so turned off by the whole concept?  Is it their upbringing?  Religion?  It just seems unnatural?  How much do others really even know or understand about swinging?

Perhaps they are afraid of what they do not understand. It makes sense that people who are not in the lifestyle would think swingers are crazy.  We allow our significant other to have sex with other people.  We allow them!  What if they like sex with the other person more than they like sex with us?  In my mind, when I hear vanilla people talking negatively about swingers, this is what I think they are worried about.

It is very possible that your partner will love having sex with another person.  That is ok and will not threaten your relationship.  Generally when we discover something that excites us about a new lover, we try to incorporate that into our own love making.  I should note, you have sex with other swingers, you make love with your partner.  There is a big difference. (This might not apply to every swinger, but it applies to most.)

Many people become very possessive in their relationships.  How many times have you heard women complain that their husband is checking out an attractive woman?  They become annoyed; they feel it is rude.  The same applies to women looking at other men.  It is natural to notice an attractive person and it really does not mean you don’t love your partner.  This simply makes you human.  

Getting married or being in a committed relationship does not stop us from being sexual beings.   It provides us with a partner with whom you can  share your life.  Someone with whom to raise a family.  A person to be by your side through thick and thin.   This is the person with whom you should have sex on a regular basis. 

Being married or committed to another does not mean that you will cease noticing attractive people.  That never changes.  Humans will always fantasize about people they see or meet but it does not change the way you feel about your partner.  Noticing a hot guy does not mean you want to share your life with them.  Checking out a woman with a beautiful body in no way indicates your husband is leaving you to chase after her.

The lifestyle brings people together who do love their partner, but also love to have sex.  Most of these couples are looking for variety.  They are seeking out a way to spice up their sex lives together.  What sets them apart from other couples is that they take this step together.  Rather than one person, or both, sneaking out behind the other’s back, they discuss what is missing and try to find a solution as a couple.  The rewards for handling it this way are immense.

Having an open relationship takes away the need to cheat.  When couples are open and honest it enhances their relationship.  There are no lies or deceptions.

Couples in the lifestyle rediscover the thrill of the hunt.  As a couple, they go out and meet other couples together for sex.   Imagine discussing with your significant other which person appeals to you and to them.  We maintain our relationship with our significant other while exploring our sexuality with others who are also open minded. What a great concept!  

The ability to be this open with your partner is amazing;  no more secret lusting or hiding our attraction to others.   Imagine discussing the experience after the fact while wrapped in each others arms.  Giggling like children about the mishaps that occur from time to time.  It probably surprises vanilla people when they hear that swinging brings you closer to your partner.  The honesty is very liberating and creates a bond that is incredibly strong.

Perhaps those who are quick to  put the lifestyle down should try to understand the concept.  Although we might not choose to live the way that vanilla couples do, we are not judging them.  We have also tried their way and decided it doesn’t fulfill us.  Hopefully in the future, people will stop judging what they do not understand.  We do not need their approval to live our lives in a way we seem fit, but it would be nice if we did not have to live so secretly!

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