Not long ago, when the Me Too movement started to gain steam, I started asking my female friends and relatives if they felt they were victims of some type of sexual misconduct in their lives. The Me Too movement is for women to come forward and say that they have been a victim of sexual misconduct. Sadly, each woman questioned felt they were victimized at some point. The interesting thing about this, is that I asked men if anyone could ever come forward and point a finger at them. Each and every man said absolutely not.
As we watch the latest news involving Supreme Court nominee Brett Kavanaugh, it reminds me of my Me Too experience. There was an incident in college when I was a freshman. I went out on a date with a senior. Having met him in a bar with a group of friends, I obviously did not really know him.
After a few drinks he said he wanted to stop at his apartment before heading out for dinner. As soon as the door to his apartment was closed, he pushed me against the wall and started kissing me. The way he pushed me felt very aggressive and immediately sent up red flags that this might be a bad situation. I tried to push him away and asked him to stop but he persisted. Long story short, he was tearing at my clothing and trying to force himself on me when, thankfully, his roommate walked in and he stopped. I was able to gather my things and run out the door.
Brett Kavanaugh has denied the allegation of sexual misconduct. This makes me wonder if the guy who did this to me would remember this particular event. My guess is he would not. This incident from many years ago left a life long impression on me, yet if he heard my name, I am certain he would deny ever having met me.
This guy from college would probably even be able to pass a lie detector test. As it was not traumatic for him, it probably isn’t worth remembering. Had this not happened, I would probably not remember him either.
Men who behave in this way generally do not think they have done anything wrong. A perfect example is Bill Cosby and Harvey Weinstein. There are 158 women combined accusing the two of them of sexual misconduct. Both deny any wrong doing Is it possible that they simply never imagined this could be considered sexual misconduct? Maybe they actually believe they are entitled to this type of behavior because they are famous, rich or simply because they are men.
How does this tie into the lifestyle? Interestingly enough, it does. In the lifestyle, there is so much respect towards women that we cannot compare this to the vanilla world. (Funny that we call everyone who is not in the lifestyle vanilla…they certainly don’t behave that way.) There are so many provocative situations, sexy and naked women all mixed with alcohol in most swing clubs. One might worry it could be a very dangerous situation. Sure, on the rare occasion there will be a trouble maker, but it is very rare. Men in the lifestyle are usually total gentlemen. They have figured out how to have all the sex they want without having to attack women to get it. If they are kind, clean and respectful they are pretty much assured that they will find women to play with.
It is very hard to understand why people still pass judgement on swingers. Swingers have proven themselves to be open, honest and respectful of each other. No woman I have ever spoken with in the lifestyle has ever voiced concern about her safety in a lifestyle setting. Not at a hotel walking around naked by herself, not in the playroom or bathroom of a swing club, not attending a private swinger party with a bunch of strangers, not in any type of swinger situation.
What is the take away of all this? Swingers are not hypocrites. They love sex and they admit they love sex. Perhaps if people were more open and honest about sex, these things would not happen as often as they do now. If men wanted to have more sex than their wife or girlfriend wanted, they could simply work out a way for both people to be fulfilled.
If men had an open door to engage in sex, in a club filled with willing women, would they still resort to such tactics? Perhaps for some, there is that element of power, which is really a fetish. I’m quite certain with all the different venues available within the lifestyle, they could find something to fulfill that fantasy as well.
I applaud the Me Too movement for putting their foot down and demanding justice for these types of crimes. It would be great to see some truthful conversations come from this as well. Sex is a part of human nature and perhaps if we are able to speak about it, we could learn more. As long as we make sex so secretive and taboo it is bound to create problems.