Swingers and strangers; the dangers of picking up a stranger for a night of fun.

Hotel doorway
Couple walking into a hotel

It seems that while we are in the thick of the pandemic, many swingers are still looking to play.  With swing clubs and lifestyle resorts closed (for the most part), some swingers are opting to find fun on their own.  This story reminds us of the danger of trusting strangers.*

Swingers like to have a good time but sometimes in their quest for the next great adventure, they might forget to think about their own safety. This is an email we received from a woman who wanted to share her story about having sex with a total stranger.  (We struggled with whether or not to post this but decided it is a story worth reading).  Although some people might argue that swingers in swing clubs and at lifestyle events are strangers, they really are not. Every club requires a membership which means everyone must register with their driver’s license, among other things. Even private parties do not usually include complete strangers. Most form a guestlist through swinger dating sites, which also have memberships.

No matter where or with whom you choose to swing, it is always important to use common sense. It is no different if you are single and dating, you must make sure to think about your safety at all times.  Although the fantasy of sex with strangers turns some people on,  the reality is not always what you might expect.

This is the email we received from a woman; we are glad to hear she is ok:

Rob and I were out of town and having drinks at a local bar. We met this really hot guy and decided I should flirt with him to see if maybe he would come back to our room and have sex with me while Rob watched. He was so big and muscular, exactly my type. I approached him and he was flirting back. I pointed to my husband and told him we are swingers and my husband would only want to watch. He seemed a little apprehensive at first but he soon agreed and followed us to the hotel.

We went upstairs and had a drink to help make him feel more comfortable. My husband sat in a chair across the room and gave us the sign to go ahead and forget he was there. The guy was really hot and things moved really fast. He tried to enter me without a condom but Rob was very vocal about that not happening and handed the guy a condom. He slipped it on and was really turned on. I glanced across the room to Rob, and he was sitting with his pants around his ankles.
I was having a great time when the guy flipped me over.  At first, I thought he was just going to do me from behind but he was trying for anal. Although I tried to stop him, he was becoming very aggressive. Before I knew it, he was totally inside and it was very painful. I was telling him to stop and Rob got up from the chair to approach us. The guy turned around and told Rob to “sit the fuck down”. At this point, I realized we were in a bad spot. It was like being raped while my husband was trying to talk him down. He was no physical match for this guy and we both knew it. Long story short, he finished, got dressed, and left. To make matters worse, his condom was not on when he pulled out. First I thought it slipped off inside me but I saw it on the floor and it was not used.

I know there are many couples out there who like to pick up strangers for a night of wild sex but after this experience, I realize how incredibly stupid it is. The truth is, I feel lucky that nothing worse had happened. He could have robbed us or killed us, we were so vulnerable. I have been tested for STDs and thankfully I am clean.
From now on, we will stick with swinging at our local club where there is security to prevent this type of situation. It is not safe to put yourself in a situation like this with a total stranger. I have nightmares almost every night, reliving this terrifying evening.

Sorry to bring such a terrible thing to swingers but I want people to realize that although picking up strangers sounds like fun, it is not worth the possible consequences.

Thanks for listening!

J.R and R.R

*We at Partners ID do not condone playing at this time.  This was sent to us several years ago.  Please stay safe!

Follow up to: A hilarious post from a guest blogger who has something to say about double penetration.

Woman rejecting double penetration

An open letter to my friend…

Guest blogger:  Tina (location withheld)

Dear Friend,  (Male friend of mine who is married to my best friend),

I do love both of you, you are such great friends.  We are friends the way only people in the lifestyle can be.   We go out, have dinner, drinks, go to the club, and dance, and yes, we all have sex together.  

Sometimes you stay over and we enjoy a wonderful, cozy breakfast together in our t-shirts and underwear.  We hang out by the pool and just enjoy our time together.

So here’s the problem…  my friend’s husband has been on a mission for the past year to experience double penetration.  He was victorious one afternoon when we invited another couple to join us at home.  When it started to rain, we all ran inside where out of the blue, this woman, who was brand new to the lifestyle, announces that her secret desire has always been to have double penetration.  Us girls were a bit shocked by this sudden revelation but the men took no time and were happy to oblige.  My best friend’s husband positioned himself in the back because this is part of his new fascination.

Unfortunately, this was just the beginning.  He found other women to have anal sex with and even talked his wife into trying double with him and another man.  Now his attention has turned to me.  

Is this a case of wanting that which we cannot have?  I suspect that it is and so we joke about this frequently.  

The bottom line is… if I were looking to experiment with DP, I can say one thing is certain:  It would not be with you or my husband (who thankfully is not interested).  I would be looking for the smallest dick available and this disqualifies both you and my husband!  

Think about it… it makes sense.  Why on earth would I want the guy with one of the biggest dicks around, to be the one I attempt this with?  Not going to happen my friend so this letter is simply to let you know that although I love you as my friend, we should put this to rest once and for all.  

Case closed, or to put it crudely, oh never mind, you know what I mean.

Your loving friend,

Tina

I remember how I laughed as I wrote and later sent this blog for you to post on your website.  My friend laughed along but promised me this was not over by a long shot.

Well, here is the update…

I did indeed participate in double penetration about 1-year post writing this blog.  It was a drunken afternoon with my husband and a single male friend.  One thing led to another and boom!  It happened!   This man is average-sized at best and in my drunken state, it was no problem.

Did I enjoy it?  Why yes, I did!  It is not something I felt the need to repeat, but at least I could check it off my friend’s bucket list for me.

He and I did have anal sex not long after, but not double penetration.   Just as I suspected, he was looking for the conquer, and as it was fulfilled by another man, he lost interest.  At least for now…

Swingers: Why is it a secret that you are in the lifestyle?

Woman in lifestyle wearing Partners ID choker necklace

Are people still afraid to let others know that they are in the lifestyle?

Why do swingers feel the need to keep their lifestyle a secret?  I frequently hear swingers say that nobody knows that they are in the lifestyle.  They would die if someone found out.   Why is that?  What do people think when they hear someone they know is a swinger?  It reminds me of the time before I had ever had sex.   I couldn’t imagine how you could face the person you had sex with afterward.  What would they think after they had seen you in such a compromising way?  How would others see you? Obviously I discovered that these fears were unfounded.  Nobody seemed to look at me any differently, and facing the guy who I was with was no problem.  So what is it that makes us fear discovery?

 What is it that swingers fear about exposure?

Curiosity got the best of me and so I started to ask swingers.  I asked a group of swingers if they are very religious, but they are not.  I wondered if their children were at an age that it would create confusion and uncertainty, but they are not.  Do they think they are doing something criminal or unethical?  They do not.  Hmm.  Would exposure embarrass them?   This question got a nod.   Embarrassed? Why?  In truth, swingers are doing something that most people wish they could do.  They have sex with others and it doesn’t destroy their marriage.  Why?  Because two consenting adults have agreed to enter into this together.  There are no lies or secrets.

Would friends and family alienate you if they found out you were having an affair?

Admitting that you are a swinger should be a lot less traumatic than admitting you are having an affair, no?  After all, one is cheating and lying to someone you say you are in love with, the other is not.  Cheaters sneak around, worrying that they will be caught.   Getting caught would disrupt their lives and the lives of those around them.  Swingers, on the other hand, are out having a great time together.  They are out enjoying parties and events with their significant other.  This is something that others only dream of.

I wonder how many swingers are truly living this lifestyle unbeknownst to their friends and family.  Probably not nearly as many as believe they are.  Often times I watch swingers arrive at a club clad in an oversized trench coat in the middle of the summer.  When I ask these women if their family or neighbors don’t find this strange they say they don’t think so.  Really?  It’s 90 degrees outside and you leave your house or condo wearing a trench coat cinched at the waist with stiletto heels and nobody thinks that’s odd?

What happens to couples who come clean about the lifestyle?

Many swingers have said that when they finally decided to disclose to friends and family that they were swingers, many were not surprised.  Many said they had known about it for years but understood the swinger couple wanted to keep it to themselves.  (If these were the trench coat women, it’s no wonder people knew.)

What about the family and friends who did not suspect this person or couple was in the lifestyle?  What was their reaction?  Were they shocked and appalled?  Not according to the people I have spoken with.  Most said that more than anything, they were curious about swinging.  They asked a lot of questions but did not seem to have a negative reaction.  Many couples said that both friends and many family members (mostly siblings), eventually asked if they could tag along one night to see what it was all about.

Stop apologizing for your lifestyle choices; it’s your life and your decision to make.

Like any other group, in order to gain acceptance, we must learn to stand up for what we believe in.  Swingers should not be ashamed of their lifestyle.  Obviously it is not necessary to divulge what you do when you are at a swing club, or party, or another event.  Most people do not give blow by blow (pun intended) details to others about what they do in their bedrooms.  No need to reveal that you participated in a gang bang with 15+ men last Saturday. Nobody needs to know that you tried double penetration for the first time and loved it.  Many swingers don’t swap, and many people in the lifestyle are not swingers.  Enjoying the warm atmosphere that accompanies the lifestyle is a wonderful thing and people should not have to hide from it.

Why do people find it acceptable to learn that many famous couples are swingers?  Why are they held to a different standard than the rest of us.  Because they are famous?   Some are highly influential people and they do not deny that they are swingers.  Famous people frequently answer questions about their lifestyle and seem quite comfortable doing so.

What does wearing lifestyle jewelry actually say about you?

Wearing our jewelry means that you are open-minded.  If you think about it, being a part of the lifestyle really doesn’t mean more than that.   If your children or parents told you the same thing, would it concern you?  Although it might surprise you, you would  be happy to see them happy.

When we initially came up with the concept for the jewelry, we had just this vision in mind.  Wear the jewelry with pride.  First of all, others do not know what it means.  Secondly, even if they did, what does it really say about you?  It says that you are an open-minded person.

Let’s continue the movement to unite the lifestyle.  People in the lifestyle could really teach others a lot about relationships.  Honesty, respect and fun are the three hallmarks of the lifestyle.  What could be better than that?

To see our collection of lifestyle jewelry click here:  https://www.swingersjewelry.net/jewelry-for-swingers/page/2/

Imagine sending photos intended for swinger friends to your parents!

Photo of naked provocative woman wearing Partners ID jewelry
Taking photos is a wonderful way to capture memories of every kind.  From the day we are born, the cameras start flashing to ensure memories of this special event.  We embrace our photos as prized possessions and something tangible to remind us of the good times in our lives.  Birthdays, graduations, vacations with our families, holidays and good times with our friends.
 Swingers are no different, but their collections of photos are typically quite different from most people’s photos.  People in the lifestyle seem to take quite a bit of illicit pictures of themselves, and often their friends.  Check Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, or swinger websites. You will be inundated with more nude and pornographic photos than you can imagine.  Part of the fun of taking these photos is sharing them with your swinger friends, right?
 It is also common for swinger couples who have been speaking over the internet to request pictures of each other.  After all, you would like to see recent photos prior to meeting them.  It’s only logical then that you would choose to email these photos.  No big deal, right?  You pick out your favorite face shots. Then you look for that perfect sexy shot of the two of you engaged in some kind of sex act.  Maybe you like the one where you are giving your husband a blowjob while a black male is behind you. No?  Perhaps the one when your girlfriend is going down on you.   Type in the recipient’s email address and push send.  What could be simpler?  Although it should be a simple and private way to communicate, it does not always work that way.  We are human and computers do not always seem to be on the same page we are.

Swinger woman playing with herself wearing Partners ID bracelet

Sometimes the computer seems to magically change recipients without our knowledge.  I am sure it has happened to everyone:  you intend a message to go to one person and somehow it ends up going to someone else.  For most messages, this is simply a hassle or perhaps just plain annoying.  If you are a swinger, this particular type of scenario can be a whole lot worse.  You push send and as soon as your finger hits the button you see what’s happened!  The email is not addressed to your new friends at all but rather to your father!  OMG!  This actually happened to someone we know.
How about when your friends bring you into a group text message.  You and your vanilla friends agree on where to go for lunch or share some gossip about someone you all know.  We all have these group texts.  Not a problem until you decide to share some erotic photos with the swinger couple you played with the previous evening. It accidentally gets sent out in a group text.  There’s really nothing you can say because as we have heard, a picture is worth a thousand words.  Can you even imagine the conversation about you between your vanilla friends?  I shudder to think about it.
A couple was celebrating New Year’s Eve in a swing club and told their children they were heading out for a romantic dinner.  The club looked so beautiful they could not resist asking someone to take a picture of them against the festive backdrop.  They looked at the picture in the club that night and liked it so much they sent it right out to their children.  What they did not notice until the next day was that in the background was a monitor with porn.   There was nothing they could think of to explain this.
Another couple celebrated Halloween in a swing club and loved their clever costumes.  They asked a friend to take a photo of them and as they posed for the photo, a friend joined in for the shot.  When they checked the photo, they thought it was adorable.  The next day they met her parents for dinner and took out their phone to show them their cute costumes.  As they enlarged the picture, they realized the girl who joined in the shot had pulled her top down and her breasts were exposed.  It is very hard to think of what to say in these situations to somehow make things sound normal.
It seems that as long as swingers are snapping pictures of themselves and each other in compromising positions, there will always be the possibility of a mishap.  This does keep things interesting, no?

Two lifestyle couples meet when one tattoos our symbol onto her face mask!

Hi Partners ID!

This coronavirus has really made everything lifestyle related very difficult.  We were planning to be on a lifestyle cruise in March but that was canceled.  April was filled with plans for private hotel parties and get-togethers with friends but obviously these plans were all canceled. 

While my boyfriend and I are enjoying the time at home, we do miss our lifestyle friends.  We have enjoyed a few zoom parties and virtual sex with friends but let’s face it, it’s not the same.  It is impossible to duplicate the feeling of meeting up with our friends, both old and new, for lifestyle-related fun.

Out of boredom the other day, I took a face mask and applied a tattoo that we received as a gift when we purchased jewelry from you.  My boyfriend loved it and so I made one for him as well.  We took pictures of ourselves and decided we had to wear them when we went out food shopping.  

It became obvious at the grocery store that nobody was paying any attention to me.  They would not see the symbol on my mask because people were mainly concerned with keeping their distance from each other.  We both wore our masks with the symbol each time we went out but it always seemed that people were more interested in avoiding other people than connecting.

Somehow, it always seems when you least expect it, someone seems to notice!  My dog wasn’t feeling well so I ran her over to see our vet.  Their office is very large so they simply ask the customers to social distance in the waiting room.  I was watching tv when a woman sitting across from me waved to get my attention.  As I looked up she pointed to my mask and told me she loved it and wanted to buy one.  Unsure if she really knew the meaning or liked the decoration I laughed.  She told me she was serious that she had a necklace with that pendant and then I knew.  

Honestly, I never expected anyone to know what the symbol meant but clearly I was wrong!  She gave me her phone number and I promised to make one for her.  How fun that we met this other couple from the mask!  Maybe you should consider selling masks!

I thought you would enjoy this!

Stay safe!

Cathy and Keith

Framingham, MA

To see our lifestyle jewelry and tattoos, visit us here:  www.swingerjewelry.net/shop

Never in a million years did I think I would be in the lifestyle!

An email we received from a customer:

Dear Partners ID,

My husband and I have been married for 25 years. We have children who are now living on their own and we both have careers that keep us busy. One evening after dinner, we settled into our typical nightly routine of watching tv on the couch. We talked about the upcoming weekend and who we wanted to go out with. I was shocked when my husband told me he couldn’t stand how routine our lives had become. We work all week, have dinner at home and on weekends go out to dinner or a movie with basically the same couples. He was afraid that our lives, now that our children were grown, would remain like this forever.  The thought of it made him sad.

Honestly, it was the first time I had ever thought about it, but I realized he was right. There was nothing to look forward to anymore; every week was the same.

That night I couldn’t sleep so I went on the computer to try to research what else couples at our stage of life were doing for fun. I came across a blog written by Penny which directed me to your website. At first, I was chuckling to myself about the prospect of Joe and myself as swingers, but as I read more blogs I started to realize that it really was about so much more than sex.

I started to research what exactly the swinging lifestyle entailed and thought it was worth mentioning to Joe. Never in a million years could I have imagined something like this, but I must admit, I was very curious.

When I initially mentioned it to Joe over coffee in the morning he thought I was insane. He, too, laughed at the thought.

For the first time in I don’t know how many years, he sent me a text and asked if we could meet for lunch. He told me he couldn’t get the thought out of this out of his mind and was excited that it was something I had an interest in. We had no idea how to go about the whole thing so I came back to your website to see what I could find.

It didn’t take long to find articles I needed to get started. We did some research online regarding local swing clubs and also spent some time looking at swinger dating sites. I will tell you that our sex life changed that very first night that we started to think about it! It was like something sparked inside both of us and we were alive and excited about what was to come!

Fast forward one year and our lives have changed dramatically. It has been years since my husband and I have been this happy and connected.  We look forward to our weekends with our new lifestyle friends and all the adventures! Each weekend we now go to parties and swing clubs and have booked a lifestyle cruise for the fall! Of course, we both wear your jewelry (proudly) and wanted to thank you for helping us find what we never knew we were looking for!

The friends that we used to spend every weekend with have noticed the difference in us but we don’t dare tell them what we are up to! We both work out several days a week and look younger and more fit than we have in years. Even our children see the change!

One of the biggest benefits of this lifestyle is the friends we have made. We are closer to them than any of the friends we have had in the past. We travel with them, meet them at clubs and even have sleepovers! What fun!

Thank you for opening our eyes to a wonderful new world! Your blogs are wonderfully honest and informative and your jewelry is beautiful! We wish you all the happiness that we have found!

xoxo
Debbie and Joe

Looking for our lifestyle jewelry? Simply click here: https://www.swingersjewelry.net/jewelry-for-swingers/

Ecstasy party PART 2; it was just as hilarious the second time.

Ecstasy fueled party goers.

So the first ecstasy party was a flop.  Nobody enjoyed the experience, yet everyone was willing to come back and try again.  This time we decided to invite another couple and one couple asked to bring a couple as well.  The couple that we invited, were planning to take the ecstasy with us.  The other couple, for some reason, was not included in this plan and were not told we would all be high. 

Again, all of the couples were instructed to arrive promptly so we could take it at the same time.  We again followed the advice about what and when to eat prior to taking the pill. 

 Our friend unfolded his napkin and cut the pink hearts into pieces.  After my first experience, I asked for a smaller piece hoping the effect would be lessened.  

One couple was running late so we decided not to wait for them.  All of the other couples who had planned to take it were at our house, the one who did not know about it had not yet arrived.

We each took our portion and went outside to wait for the others to arrive.  The couple who was planning to take it, arrived about an hour later, a short time after it had started to hit us all.  They were met in the kitchen by the man with the pills and they each took a half.  

The woman went outside to greet me and when she discovered I was not outside, it didn’t take her long to find me.  There I was, standing by the restroom door, staring up at the light.  Lying on the floor next to me was my friend who was looking for the draft from under the door.  She thought it was hilarious but my friend and I agreed that we already regretted the decision to do this again.

We all went outside and a short time later I heard the doorbell ring.  I opened it and was greeted by the couple that had been invited by my friend.  They held up a bag and followed me into the kitchen.  The man reached in and pulled out a shrimp platter and a bag of uncooked rice.  He started asking me where he could find different utensils in the kitchen.  I was so high at this point that I couldn’t cope so I turned around and walked away.  Luckily, one woman (Snow White), did not take ecstasy this time and stepped in to help him.  

Reflecting back on this moment the next day, I conceded that I was not getting the hostess of the year award.  I literally turned my back on one friend in the hot tub at the first party and this time I walked away while this guest was asking for something.  Ecstasy does not make me friendly or warm…

The party once again found its way into the hot tub.  (Yes, we have since learned that dancing and staying active would have yielded a different result.)  The friend who had arrived later started to feel the effects and was lying across everyone while we sat in the hot tub.  Not for a sexual reason but simply because she thought there was plenty of room (which, as you can see from the picture, is not entirely accurate).

The mood was relaxed, everyone was naked and thankfully, Snow White was not high, but rather nursing a drink.  The woman who took ecstasy but did not attend the first party started to get frisky.  She was asking to suck everyone’s toes and was moving from lap to lap giving everyone a kiss.  For me, the effect was the same and as soon as she started bugging me to let her suck my toes I had to leave for the restroom.  

Somehow getting sick seems to make the effect of the ecstasy easier for me to handle.  Even though I took a smaller piece, it was still way too intense.   Just like the first time, this took the edge off and I felt ok.  

As I passed the family room on my way back outside, Snow White and the new man (who also did not take anything) were getting busy on the sofa.  Finally, there were people playing at our swinger party!

Outside, I noticed this man’s wife was sitting quietly with Snow White’s husband away from the group.  I could smell that they were smoking weed while deep in conversation.  

I slipped back into the hot tub, drink in hand, to catch up with what had been happening.  Everyone was still chatting but they were getting warmer and there was some kissing and touching between couples.  Soon the friend who thought our hot tub had ample room to lie across and her husband left for inside.  With more room for everyone, we tried once again to see how well ecstasy works for playtime.

Unfortunately, the answer is it did not work at all.  Now there were 5 men and it did not work for any of them.  The newcomer was shocked and said this was not typical for him at all.  We all laughed because we had heard this before.  

Eventually, we gave up the dream of sex and moved the party across the porch for some birthday cake.  It was a large sheet cake with a naked 3-D woman with very large breasts.  We sang happy birthday and everyone gathered around to eat some cake.  The woman who had been smoking pot leaned over the cake and took an entire buttercream boob into her mouth.  Seeing this made me feel nauseous all over again and I went into the house to cool off and see some light (has a very calming effect for some reason).  

On my way back outside, I was passing through our sliding glass doors.  When one side is open, the other side is housing that piece of glass so it is closed.  As I walked over the threshold I noticed the girl who was smoking pot walking into the house on the other side of the door.  Before I could react, she walked face-first into the glass.  She literally fell backward and I could see the blood on her face as she fell.  It was so shocking and as I looked behind her, everyone was gasping and laughing simultaneously.  It was not funny but don’t forget we were all wasted!  

Thankfully she was ok.  

The rest of the night passed without any more problems (thankfully).  

My take away from these two parties is the danger we put ourselves in when taking drugs.  During both parties, we had to deal with either illness or injury.  Luckily neither was serious enough to require outside help but I’m not sure we were capable of making good decisions either time.   What if our children had called and needed our assistance?  Neither of us was in any condition to help.  

Neither of us regrets our decision to try ecstasy but neither of us has any interest in taking it again.  Alcohol is at least predictable and controllable as long as we drink in moderation.

As Monogamish Marriage said in her reply to our story, “Wow! This is an ecstasy-driven comedy of errors! Hilarious to read now, but probably not so funny at the time.”  That sums it up!

If you did not read part 1 you can find it here: https://www.swingersjewelry.net/ecstasy/

To read Monogamish Marriages’ experience with MDMA, click here: https://themonogamishmarriage.com/2020/03/09/sex-on-mdma/ 

Looking for other swingers? Find it here: 

Our hilarious experience taking ecstasy; part one of two…

 Ecstasy fueled party goers.

After reading about Monogamish Marriage’s* experience with MDMA, I thought I would write about our experience with Ecstasy.  

A few years ago we invited a friend for lunch on a Sunday afternoon.  As soon as he arrived, he took off his baseball cap and put his hand deep into the front pocket of his jeans.  He pulled out a white tissue which had been carefully folded.  Delicately placing the curious tissue on our countertop, he slowly unfolded and yelled, “Look what I have!”  My husband and I took a step forward to peer into the now open tissue.  

There inside the fold of the napkin lay 3 little pink heart-shaped pills.  I have to be honest, I had no idea what I was looking at, neither did my husband.  “Ecstasy,” he cried, “we are all going to take it this afternoon, it will be a blast.”

Shaking my head I turned away from the counter and told him no way, not interested.  My husband agreed that this was not his thing.  I will say that when I was in high school and college, I would have grabbed one and taken it without asking any questions.  For me, those days ended when I graduated from college.  For my husband, those days never existed and he never experimented with drugs at all.  

After desperately trying to persuade us to try this, our friend gave up.   The disappointment on his face was obvious.  He spent the entire afternoon extolling the virtues of taking ecstasy and how amazing sex is for everyone when they are high.  He even went as far as to tell my husband that his erection would be like never before.  

After he left, my husband seemed to take up his cause.  It doesn’t take a whole lot to persuade me to do things, and so I conceded. We decided it would be fun to have a small party and all the guests would take one half of a pill.

Soon the party was planned and we would be four couples.  Everyone was excited and arrived promptly so that we could all take a pill at the same time.  We were given our dietary instructions from the friend who had brought the pills and he was in charge of handing out the half pink hearts as each guest arrived.  We all swallowed our pills at the same time and went outside to listen to music.  Although he encouraged us not to drink alcohol, one couple did drink champagne.  

Almost exactly one hour later, I began to feel the effects.  It hit me so hard and fast that I was unable to speak.  I sat watching as the others seemed to notice that it was working.  The man who had been drinking suddenly felt very ill.  He started to sweat and felt palpitations in his heart.  As some of the others scrambled to help him, I literally could not move.  One of the men suggested that perhaps they should throw him into the pool to cool him off.  Sadly, I was the only one with any medical background and I couldn’t do anything but sit and pray that they didn’t do that because I was afraid the consequences could be deadly.  

Luckily, the initial reaction for this friend soon passed and he seemed to feel ok. One woman claimed she felt nothing and quickly took another half to “catch up”.  

We soon moved the party into the hot tub where we imagined all of the fun would begin.  The water was warm and everyone got comfortable.  The woman sitting next to me tapped me on the shoulder and in a baby voice said, “I’m Snow White and you are Cinderella!”  I literally couldn’t deal with such a nonsensical conversation and simply turned my back to her.  She continued to say this over and over to me until I started to feel sick. 

I made my way to the restroom and threw up.  Walking out of the restroom one of my friends was lying on the floor in front of a closed bedroom door.  She told me she was so hot she couldn’t stand it and could feel the breeze coming from underneath the door.  For me, I felt better when I looked into the light, so I stood staring up into the light from above.  Another friend found us and brought us back into the hot tub.

After getting sick, I felt much more in control.  I had a small drink and the feeling was now very nice.  (I was told liquor kills the effect of ecstasy and this was intentional).  The men were anxious to test out how sex would feel while high.  Unfortunately, 4 out of 4 men could not get any erection at all, which I found to be hilarious.  It did not matter what they tried, nothing worked.  As for the women, they said they felt no heightened interest in sex from taking the ecstasy, myself included.

The night ended as soon as everyone felt back to normal.  Only the woman who took the other half reported feeling high well into the next day.  Our friend who provided the pills was disappointed and said it must have been that batch because the reaction was not normal.

We did try it one more time at our next party.  I will write about that soon…

*You can find Monogamish Marriage’s experience here:  https://themonogamishmarriage.com/2020/03/09/sex-on-mdma/

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When vanilla friends become a little too nosy…

Vanilla women

How many times have your vanilla friends (for those of you who still have them) wanted to know where you were going and with whom?  It seems whenever you tell vanilla friends you have other plans, they become curious.  Especially if it happens on a regular basis. 

When we first started making excuses for being unavailable to our vanilla friends, my husband and I would joke how ‘mom’ called.  It wasn’t either of our moms, it was a nosy vanilla friend.  Each conversation with her started with her asking what we did the previous weekend and with whom.

 Prior to entering the lifestyle we would make plans with friends on a regular basis, sometimes weeks in advance.  Saturday was usually spent at dinner or a movie.  

When we discovered strip clubs, we became less available or started ending nights out with friends earlier than in the past.  It was easy because strip clubs were better later at night.  When we discovered a swing club not far away, we became more and more unavailable over a short period of time.  

Our goal each week, was to keep Saturday night free so we could go to the club.  We even had a code name for the club so that nobody would know what we were talking about if they overheard our conversations.  Were we being paranoid?  I don’t think so, people really wanted answers! 

Over time, as we tried to force our vanilla friends to see us on Fridays. Not long after, we would only make ourselves available to them during the week.  At this point, some of our friends became suspicious.  We turned down invitations to just about every vanilla event we were invited to.  We had discovered swinging and that was all we wanted to do.  

As we made friends in the lifestyle, this group became our social life.  Sometimes we would meet at a restaurant before heading to the club.  This is when we discovered how difficult it was to have any privacy.  That’s right, going out to dinner with lifestyle friends became fodder for anyone who saw us.  It seemed not to matter how remote a restaurant we chose.  As luck would have it, we always seemed to run into someone we knew. 

Soon “mom” was back on the phone wanting to know who our new friends were.  The first time I got the call I was taken aback.  I tried to imagine how this was any of her business.  Since she had not actually seen us, I knew someone had told her. Then I tried to imagine why people were talking about us.  We do not live in a small town per se, but many people know each other.  Same schools, same churches,  temples, same after school activities, etc.  

So what made our lives suddenly so interesting that people were talking about us?  “Mom” casually mentioned that we seemed to be avoiding our old group of friends.  I pointed out that the previous week we had met them for dinner.  How could we be avoiding them if we saw them a few days ago?

It seems that making new friends, especially people that are from another town or city, raises eyebrows.  Suddenly “mom” was asking how we met them.  Don’t think  “mom” was the only person asking, she was simply the only one brave or nosy enough to confront me.

It made us wonder how much people really deserved to know.  Do we actually owe it to others to explain our whereabouts or our new friends?  Is it normal for “friends” to demand to know why you are not free to spend more time with them?

My husband and I had even considered telling one couple that was part of that group of friends about the lifestyle.  We thought they might be open to the whole idea of swinging.  After much thought, we decided against it.  If they were not open to it, we would be exposing ourselves and did not want to risk that.

The lifestyle resulted in our decision to completely remove ourselves from this former group of friends.  We soon realized that these people are very judgmental and if they were to discover the truth, we would no longer be friends.  Knowing this, we chose to drift away.

The question remained for us:  Why is it anyone’s business how we spend our free time?  Why must swingers always make up excuses so that they can do what they want?  Lying and making up stories and excuses is exhausting.  We are adults and should be free to live our lives without judgment.

For all of the nosy people out there:  stop worrying about what others are doing and with whom they are doing it.  We are forced to lie and sneak around to avoid judgment from people like you.  Don’t you have anything better to do?

The sad part is, many people in the lifestyle end up having to choose between the lifestyle and maintaining vanilla friendships.  Perhaps most people choose lifestyle friends simply because we have more in common with each other.  They also don’t judge or wonder what we are doing when we are busy with something else.

Bottom line, swingers do not owe anyone an explanation about how they spend their free time.  Where we go nights, weekends and on vacation is nobody’s business.  We have discovered a wonderful, carefree life in the lifestyle and have no plans to change this any time soon.  So butt out…

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Swinging; how do I bring up the topic to my significant other?

Wearing Partners ID jewelry is a good way to meet others in the lifestyle.

The most common question asked of swingers seems to be, “How do I get my husband/wife/girlfriend, etc., into the lifestyle?”  

There are many people out there who know about swinging and would like to swing. The problem is, they don’t know how to bring up the subject to their partner.

We have gotten quite a few emails from people who actually ask us this question. I’m not sure how I became the “Dr. Ruth” of swinging but I really don’t mind trying to help.

The majority of the time, this question comes from a man, but we have had women ask us as well. The interesting part is that many people have said the same thing. We often talk about how exciting it would be to bring another person into bed with us.  Although we both get turned on, I’m not sure how to make the leap to actually making this happen!

It is always a good sign if you have a good sexual relationship and can talk about things before you bring this up. It would seem to me that when you approach the subject, it should not be in the bedroom.

Many people like to fantasize to get excited but are not really prepared to act on these erotic imageries.

Several men said their wives get very turned when talking about having sex with multiple men at once. The operative word here is talk. There is a good chance that she is not prepared to actually do this in real life.  So how can you make this happen?

Try talking about how much you love to see your partner so turned on during sex. You love that they like to watch porn or to fantasize. Express how amazing it is that the two of you can share this together.

Mention that something you have always fantasized about was seeing other people have sex. Live sex, not on tv. How hot would that be?  This way you simply mention your desire to find a place where you can actually watch others having sex. This takes the pressure off of your partner.  You are not making your partner feel that they will have to be a part of it.

Check her reaction to a suggestion such as watching live sex.

Does she look at you like you are crazy or does she have a flicker of interest? If you get the ‘you’re crazy’ look, drop it and mention it again at a later time. The next time maybe say you came across this swing club online or in a magazine or a newspaper. After a while, she might get used to the thought. Perhaps your partner would be willing to just go and take a look. Again, it is extremely important to let her know that you just want to see it. That is all you want. This is, the first step.

Most women I have met in the lifestyle agree that it was not their idea to enter a swing club or check out any type of lifestyle venue. It is almost always the man’s suggestion. However, I will tell you that the woman is the one who requests to return. That being said, the major obstacle for most couples, is getting your partner to walk through the front door for the first time.

The smartest approach for many men seems to be to give the woman control of the situation from the very beginning.

When you are able to get her to agree to try it out for one night, encourage her to buy something new that will make her feel good. It is not important that she dress overly sexy, only that she feel good about herself. Try not to be overly eager about getting to the club or event. If you take a more casual attitude towards going, it will make her less nervous.

Most important of all, is when you arrive for the evening, make sure she is your number one priority.

Check to make sure she is comfortable. Make her feel special and attractive. If you walk in and start ogling all the other women, she will not like the environment from the get go. It is ok to be friendly, but let her take the lead and decide who she is comfortable talking to or not talking to. The same goes for a woman bringing a man. If you start to flirt with other people right away, your partner will feel insecure. Swinging must be about the two of you as a couple. If you leave your partner in the background during your visit, chances are, you will not be returning to any type of lifestyle event with them in the future.

The lifestyle is an amazing, exciting and warm environment.

There is no real reason why anyone would not enjoy it, as long as it is approached the right way. The number one problem that couples seem to have, which stops them from ever getting comfortable in the lifestyle, is jealousy. Nobody enjoys feeling insecure or left out. If you do not make it a priority to see to it that your partner is comfortable, they will not want to put themselves in this situation again, and who can blame them?

When you are new to swinging, it is very important to take your time.

Do not enter the lifestyle and think you should swing right away. It is more important to get adjusted to the situation before you take the plunge. Make sure that when you think you are both ready to take the next step, you have discussed it and know what you are both comfortable with. Always make sure to notice if your significant other is ok if you do swap with another couple.

Communication is the key to success in the lifestyle.

At the end of any night together it is a good idea to talk about the experience to make sure she/he was happy and comfortable with what happened. As long as you keep the lines of communication open from the start, you should have no trouble joining the lifestyle and making it a smooth transition. Swinging should be something wonderful for both members of a couple. It cannot work if one person is dragging the other person into it against their will.

Good luck and keep us posted!!

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