Temptation: Why it is not a big problem for couples in the lifestyle.

Swingers avoid temptation

Recently, a friend asked me if I had ever watched this show called Temptation Island.

To be honest, I had never even heard of it. She explained a little bit about it and told me she would be curious to hear my take on the show. It sounded interesting so I decided to watch a few episodes. As a swinger, this show proved to be pretty entertaining. According to their homepage, Temptation Island is a reality show in which several couples agree to live with a group of singles of the opposite sex, in order to test the strength of their relationships.

My friend had asked if this was basically a show about swinging.

First of all, for those people who are not in the lifestyle, this concept is exactly the opposite of why people choose to swing. People in the lifestyle are not there to decide if their partner is “right” for them. We do not “explore other relationships” or “test the strength of our relationship”. These are the premises on which this show is based. Ultimately they try to set the couples up for failure for public entertainment. Swinging is not about any of these things.

Couples who choose to enter the lifestyle (when they do it for the right reasons) are there as a couple. They operate as a team. The one thing swingers will say is that the most important part of swinging is seeing their partner happy. The last thing swingers are looking for is to fall in love with someone else.

Swinging is primarily about sex.

We often find ourselves developing friendships and close relationships with other swingers, but there is a line that we do not cross. Most couples are friendly as couples. The communication is generally either between the two women, the two men, or the four people at the same time.

This is not the case with every couple in the lifestyle. There are different types of swinger relationships. Some couples are ok with their partner dating others and forming relationships but this is not generally the case. Most swingers are in the lifestyle together.

Temptation Island is a show that puts couples in situations that would be difficult for even the most solid couples to withstand.

It does its best to create jealousy and mistrust between each individual couple. As the couples cannot communicate for almost a solid 30 days, it becomes impossible to work things out as a couple. To top it off, while they are apart, they are living with members of the opposite sex who are there looking to find love. The concept is the whole “kid in the candy store” type scenario.

The obvious downfall for these couples is the temptation to cheat. The show claims the couple’s inability to remain faithful during these 30 days is proof that their relationships were doomed before arriving. The thing that made me curious as a swinger was twofold:

1. Could vanilla couples who have been together for many years (10+) withstand this 30-day temptation?

2. Could couples in the lifestyle?

To answer question 1 is very difficult. During a few of the episodes, they show snippets of what each partner has been doing. Some clips are misleading and make people think there is infidelity. Would this cause long term committed couples to give in to temptation? I believe it would for the majority of couples.

What about couples in the lifestyle, where having sex with others is part of their lives? Would the temptation prove to be too much? Quite honestly, I don’t think so. I honestly believe that couples in the lifestyle don’t feel the need to cheat. Their relationships are open doors so the thrill is diminished.

Temptation is only an issue when we want something that we should not or cannot have. If the temptation is readily available to us, it would diminish our lust for it.  This would be the case for swingers.  We allow each other to explore these temptations together and so there is no need to crave it.

To be fair, this show works very hard to entertain the viewers.

To accomplish this, they create an environment that would make it difficult for most people to succeed.

Temptation in any form is something that is considered bad or evil.

To avoid temptation, most people would choose to remove themselves (or that which is tempting them), from the situation. This show forces men and women to spend 30 days living with this temptation. So for 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, this temptation is staring them in the face. Not only that, the temptation is calling to them and enticing them to act. This type of environment would prove difficult for most people.

Although the show is entertaining, I can’t understand why couples would put themselves into a situation like this. Like every other reality show, the drama is the most entertaining aspect of the show.

To get back to my friend’s question about Temptation Island really being a show about swingers, the answer is a firm no. This show might explain why swinging can be a healthy alternative to cheating. Temptation will occur in most relationships at some point, but it is how one deals with it. Many people will give in to it and take a chance, swingers will point out the temptation to their significant other and see if they can make it happen. One is honest and open, the other is not.

Why is someone’s sex life ever up for public scrutiny?

 

 

Women gossiping about other's sex lives

 

Reading the article which is intended to shame Roger Stone for being a “card-carrying” swinger, really made me mad.  Trust me, this is not about politics and I have no intention of going down that rabbit hole.  This is simply about seeing headlines each week where someone’s sex life being splashed across the headlines.  Presumably, the media is looking to shame people for their sexual ‘improprieties’.

Last week it was Robert Kraft, owner of the New England Patriots.  While some claim the story was to shine a light on massage parlors and human trafficking, it seemed primarily aimed at shaming Kraft. 

I am not defending anyone or looking to debate how people should conduct themselves in their personal lives.  What bothers me is why this is anyone’s business.  Why should anyone care what people do in their private life?  As long as people are not hurting anyone, should their sex lives be exploited like cheap fodder for journalists and tabloids?

Does a person’s sex life interfere with what they can do on a day to day basis?  Is it impossible to be a good employee because you enjoy non-traditional sex?  Should we really judge anyone because of their sexual interests, desires or even perversions?

Let us take Bill Clinton as an example.  While having an affair with Monica Lewinsky does not interest me in the slightest, using the Oval Office does.  Had his dallying taken place in his bedroom (or hers), there would have been no reason for the public to become involved.  His decision to have an affair really did not affect his ability to do his job.  Cheating on his wife is between he and Hillary.  We can argue that it makes him dishonest, but that is a whole different story.

I always find it interesting how Americans can’t get enough of these types of stories.  They seem horrified when someone famous is exposed for doing something countless others do on a regular basis.  (The mention of Americans is because these types of stories are not headlines in other countries.)

Often times we hear swingers talking about how important it is for them to keep their lifestyle a secret.  They live in fear that if someone found out, they would lose their job and be ostracized from their community.  Their families would be shamed and they would probably lose their vanilla friends. 

 Hearing this makes me wonder if this type of reaction isn’t a bit over dramatic.  It would be easy to understand if we were talking about being arrested and going to prison for some horrible crime.  In this situation, losing your job, your friends and potentially your family seems like a possibility.  Engaging in a lifestyle with your spouse just doesn’t feel so scandalous.

Most of the people that I have met in the lifestyle are truly wonderful, warm and caring people.  The kind of people that I am proud to have as friends.  These are friends that I have come to know on a much deeper level than any vanilla friends I have ever had.  Without a doubt, these are the friends that I would count on if I had a problem.  Lifestyle friends don’t judge, which is definitely not a quality that we find in most people.

Shaming Roger Stone and his wife for being swingers is disgusting.  It has nothing to do with his current situation and certainly is not something his wife should have to endure.  For Robert Kraft, perhaps the lesson for him is to hire prostitutes who will come to his home.  

The worst part is how many people are out there who hire prostitutes or cheat on their spouse and are ridiculing these men for what has been on the news.  It seems impossible to believe that Americans are still playing the puritanical card as the porn industry has grown to epic proportions.

Hopefully one day, people will grow up and learn to mind their own business.  Headlines such as these serve only to shock and appall the public.