A unicorn explains why she is in the lifestyle and what she is looking for.

 

 

 

Unicorn wearing Partners ID jewelry
Unicorn wearing Partners ID jewelry

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

This blog was written for Partners ID by Kennedy M., a single woman in the lifestyle.

Most swingers prefer to keep the fact that they are in the lifestyle to themselves.  At times it can be challenging, especially when we find ourselves in situations that are hard to explain.  Imagine how hard it would be for vanilla people to wrap their minds around a unicorn!

Not long ago, while taking notes in a board room for an important client, I received an email with a subject line that said it was an important message from Joe (a close friend’s name).  I was busy and did not look at the return email address.  As soon as we took a break for a few minutes I scrolled down and clicked on it.  To my surprise there was a close up picture of a black man’s dick.  Before I could click delete, a male coworker was standing behind my chair asking if that was my new boyfriend.

When I am not blogging about my lifestyle experiences I have a job that is quite vanilla; complete with meetings in board rooms and client lunches.  For obvious reasons, I do not discuss my private life where I work.  When colleagues ask what I did over the weekend, I usually tell them, “The usual; a movie, some dinner” etc.  The company I work for would be horrified if they really knew how I spend my weekends.

I am a unicorn, a single girl in the swinger lifestyle, for those who do not know the term.

When I started swinging, I was not alone.  My boyfriend and I spent at least two night each week in our local swing club.   I was very much in love with my boyfriend and was heart broken when he ended it with little explanation.

I am not soured by this nor do I hate men.  Right now, I am wary of putting my heart out there again in fear that I will find myself in the same situation.

When I was finally ready to go back out after the breakup, I returned to a place where I felt very comfortable in the past.  My former boyfriend and I were swing club rats and spent at least two nights a week in our local establishment.  We had a nice circle of lifestyle friends, many of whom had reached out to me after the break up.

My first night out alone was a little bit scary.  Naturally, I was unsure how I would be received by some of the women.  Although I knew I was not looking to intrude on anyone’s relationship, would other people know that?  I had never really known any unicorns but had heard some women speaking poorly of them in the past.  The last thing I wanted was for people to think I had some ulterior motives for spending time in a swing club.

For the most part, the women were happy to see me and welcomed me with open arms.  One or two seemed a bit uncomfortable with all the attention the men lavished upon me (which I in no way sought out but as most unicorns will admit, it is hard to avoid).

The first few times I went to the club I felt a little awkward.  I needed people to make me feel like I belonged there.  It didn’t take long for couples (some I knew, some I did not) to ask me to join them in the back room.  After a period of time I started receiving invitations to parties.  Then men started asking me to accompany them to the club when their wives were out of town.   Although I do know other unicorns who have no problem with this, I have always declined the offers.   Whereas I knew why I was there, I wasn’t sure others understood why I chose to make a swing club my night life of choice.  It was hurtful when I overheard women asking each other what exactly I was looking for.

I will tell you “what I was, and still am, looking for.”  I love to dance, I love to dress sexy and I love to have fun.  I like to meet new people and I love to have sex; both with men and with women.  I like the comfort and the warmth of the lifestyle.  It’s a great place to go to as you do not need a date, or to make plans with others.  You just show up and hang with the people who are there.  You can spend an amazing night, have great sex and kiss the other people goodnight.  I can go home and sleep alone in my bed.  Nobody to answer to.  I can stay until 12 midnight or go home at 4am.  I can do what I want with no strings attached.

If I am looking for some one on one time, there are always single guys who are more than willing to spend the evening with a unicorn.  The best part is, I do not have to be alone with them.  We can choose a private room to play but I am not in a scary situation with a stranger.  If I want to be with a couple, no problem.  If I want a gang bang, that’s my choice.  The best part for me is that I leave alone.

I am not looking for a boyfriend, husband or anything else; just a good time.  That’s it, that’s all.  Obviously I cannot speak for every unicorn as we are all individuals.  Over time I have gotten to know a few who spend time in this swing club. We are definitely not all on the same page.  Personally, I will not go into the back room with someone else’s husband if she is not in the club to approve.  Most of the other girls have no problem with that.

I  will not date a married man with or without the wife’s permission.  I will only play with someone’s husband if she is present, but even then, I prefer to make it a threesome.  Most unicorns I have met don’t really have any rules.  They are out for themselves and offer no apologies for what they do.  They prefer to be alone for a variety of reasons and although they love the attention they get in the clubs, for the most part, they are not looking for anything more than a good time.

I have tried to imagine how I would feel if there was a unicorn around when my boyfriend and I were together at the club.  We did not really know of any at that time so it is hard to say.  If unicorns are respectful of other’s relationships then there should never be a problem.  I would suggest making sure that if you choose this route you pay a lot of attention to the women.  If you are flirting with their husband and ignoring them, this will be a problem for sure.  Since you have no one to offer to them, you must flirt with them as a couple.  Always try to put yourself in the woman’s shoes and ask yourself how you would feel if the situation were reversed.

Unicorns are a great addition to the lifestyle if they understand the rules of the game.  Some think they are the stars of the club because they get a lot of attention.  Perhaps it would be better to just think of yourself as another component to the lifestyle.  Although we bring an added element to the lifestyle, the lifestyle could easily exist without us.

Nobody ever asks what single men are looking for in the club.  Why the double standard?  It seems a question I hear often regarding unicorns.   Perhaps it would surprise people to hear that I am looking for sex just like they are.  It just so happens tothat I prefer the no strings attached variety.  I don’t want you to call me in the morning.  Really, I don’t.  More often that not, I also don’t want to play with you again.  It was fun once but I am not looking to repeat the experience regardless of how awesome it might have been.  I am not looking for you to cuddle with me or tell me how beautiful I am.  Please do not tell me about your problems and I will not bother you with mine.  The truth is, I don’t really care, I just want to enjoy my night out.

I do like to try new things and am very open minded.  Sometimes that seems to make some women feel  a little threatened.  I am not a slut or a whore because I am a sexual person.  When I was in a relationship I did not feel as free to explore things as I do now.  Perhaps that is why it is hard for you to relate, but that doesn’t really give you the right to judge.

People have asked me many times why I am not out looking for someone of my own.  It is a valid question but again, I am enjoying being by myself.  When I am ready to be in a relationship, I can assure you I will not be fishing for someone in a swing club.  Perhaps one day I will meet a nice single guy at a lifestyle event but who knows.  For now, I am very happy to be a unicorn and have no plans to change that any time soon.

 

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Infidelity and the lifestyle; how swinging helps couples avoid cheating on each other.

Happy couple clinking wine glasses
Happy couple clinking wine glasses

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

People who are not in the lifestyle, equate swinging with infidelity.  Obviously, for people who swing, this is absolutely untrue.   According to dictionary.com. infidelity means:

1.  marital disloyalty
2.  unfaithfulness
     Considering those two meanings, swingers are not being disloyal or unfaithful to their spouses.  Perhaps we should think of swingers as writng their own rules in their own marriages.  They have decided together, as a couple, to open their marriage to something more. Whether or not religious figures would agree that this is not adultery or infidelity is another topic altogether.

It is not uncommon to hear people who are not in the lifestyle to question why couples swing.  Besides that they imagine swingers to be perverted deviants, their perception of swingers is really off.  They have a hard time understanding why people would be open to having sex with someone other than their spouse.  More than that, they cannot fathom why swingers do not get upset with the fact that their significant others are doing this.

Let’s consider this:  if a department store invited you to visit anytime, and take what you needed for free, would you ever feel the need to steal something from them?   Silly question right?  How can you steal something if they are giving it to you for free?   Let’s say you are in school and need help on an exam and the teacher tells you anytime you don’t know an answer to just ask her and she will tell you. Would you need to copy off someone’s paper?  What would be the point?  The teacher has already offered the free help, right?  It is the same in the lifestyle.  Your partner offers to let you swing with other people, why would you need to do this behind their back?  That is not to say that it never happens because it probably does, but what it is the point?

It is very common when you speak with swingers to hear how surprised they were when they first entered the lifestyle to discover how in love swingers seemed to be.  It was exactly the opposite of what they had imagined.  If couples were so in love, what drove them into the lifestyle?  The best answer is probably honesty.

The relationship between a couple who chooses to swing has to be very open and honest.   In order to swing, they had to get to the point where they could admit that although they love each other, they would like to try something else.  It is normal for  couples to fall into a routine or rut with their sex life.  Some couples try to spice things up by watching porn, using toys, trying different positions or even going to strip clubs.  What happens when that is not enough?

For couples not in the lifestyle, unfortunately, they might look to someone else to fill that void.  Infidelity is exceptionally selfish.  One person in the couple chooses to find excitement that is lost with their partner while the other partner makes do with  the lack of fulfillment.  Sometimes both parts of the couple choose to be unfaithful to each other while maintaining  the facade of a wonderful marriage.  How long can that last?

When you consider the avenue swingers take, it seems more logical and loving.  Swinging is something couples do together.  They venture into the lifestyle as a couple not to find someone to replace their partner, but to find couples to spice up their sex life.  The excitement is something they experience together.  The only sneaking around these couples might be engaging in, is from their family and friends. Swinging creates a very strong bond;  you are naughty together.

When you consider the freedom that swinging brings to both members of the couple, who would feel the need to cheat?  Sure, there are always exceptions, but that shows a true character fault.  Generally speaking, swingers would agree that they have no reason to cheat.  Swinging helps them to avoid infedelity.

Many couples who have been in the lifestyle for many years reach different levels of comfort with separating while swinging.  Some couples have no problem allowing their significant other to play on their own while traveling or with friends they have met in the lifestyle.  They talk about how much pleasure they get just from hearing about the escapades of their partners.   The only request they make of each other is to tell them about what they do when they play on their own.  Some couples never separate and continue their swinging journey side by side.  Either way, the degree of trust and freedom is immeasurable compared with those not in the lifestyle.

Everyone is different and perhaps there are couples who never feel the desire to play outside their marriage.  It seems that number would be very low when you consider how rampant infidelity is.

My question to those not in the lifestyle is this:  why not try to explore together what both of you are secretly wishing for?  It is impossible to believe that every married adult at some point has not fantasized about having sex with someone else.  A neighbor, a  teacher, a coworker, someone famous or your spouse’s best friend.   The best part about swinging is that these are no longer secrets or fantasies!  You and your partner not only talk about what your sexual fantasies are, you experience them together.  What could be more honest and intimate than that?  That is what creates such a strong bond between swingers.   When you have everything you need at home, why would you need to go elsewhere?

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A lifestyle story from a swinger that is sure to make you cringe!

Naked woman in the lifestyle wearing Partners ID jewelry
Naked woman in the lifestyle wearing Partners ID jewelry

 

 

Dear Partners ID,

I read the story about the couple from New York who walked in half naked to their own surprise party and it brought back memories of our own nightmare. I think this story is at least as cringe worthy.

My husband and I had been in the lifestyle for about 5 years. We spent at least two days a week at the swing club near our home (about 20 miles), and were very comfortable there. The club was not large but it did attract a good crowd most nights.

We were heavy into swinging and went into the playroom almost every night we were in the club. Spending this much time in this club, we knew most of the people who came to the club and some of us were very friendly.

It was Halloween and for this club, it was always a very busy night. It was rare to see someone come to this club and not wear a costume. Some people were so dressed up, we could not tell who they were.

This particular night, a couple that we were very close with was in the club. My husband took the woman to dance and I walked over to a couch with the woman’s husband. We immediately started to kiss and fondle each other and things got hot quickly. He bent me over the side of the couch, lifted my costume and started to lick my pussy from behind.  Soon I could feel an extra set of hands caressing my breasts. I figured it was either my husband or the man who was nearby when we sat down on the couch. Before I knew it, the man is rubbing my clit while the other guy is eating me out and I have a very intense orgasm. I turned to kiss the man to say thank you for joining in when I realized who he was. It was my sister’s husband! My brother in law! OMG!

Needless to say I was completely shocked and traumatized! Our costumes made it difficult to see our faces so neither of us realized until after the fact.

Today the four of us laugh about it and my husband and sister are always joking that it is their turn.

By the way, I love the necklace you custom made for me, it’s perfect!

Kisses!
Dina and Joe
Swingers from Atlanta, GA

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Swingers: Why is it a secret that you are in the lifestyle?

Why do swingers feel the need to keep their lifestyle a secret?  I frequently hear people say that nobody knows that they are in the lifestyle.  They would die if someone found out.   Why is that?  At first I wondered if these people were very religious, but they are not.  I wondered if their children were at an age that it would create confusion and uncertainty, but they are not.  Do they think they are doing something criminal or unethical?  They do not.  Hmm.  Would exposure embarrass them?   This question got a nod.   Embarrassed, why?

Admitting that you are a swinger should be a lot less traumatic than admitting you are having an affair, no?  After all, one is cheating and lying to someone you say you are in love with, the other is not.  Swingers are out having a great time, enjoying parties and events that others can only dream of.  Cheaters are sneaking around, worrying that at any moment they will be caught, which would certainly disrupt their lives and the lives of those around them.

I wonder how many swingers are truly living this lifestyle unbeknownst to their friends and family.  Probably not nearly as many as believe they are.  Often times I watch swingers arrive at a club clad in an over sized trench coat in the middle of the summer.  When I ask these women if their family or neighbors don’t find this strange they say they don’t think so.  Really?  It’s 90 degrees outside and you leave your house or condo wearing a trench coat cinched at the waste with stiletto heels and nobody thinks that’s odd?

Many swingers have said that when they finally decided to reveal the truth about their lifestyle, their friends and family members were not surprised.  Many said they had known about it for years but understood the swinger couple wanted to keep it to themselves.  (If these were the trench coat women, it’s no wonder people knew.)

What about the family and friends who were told, who did not know anything or suspect anything about the lifestyle?  Were they shocked and appalled?  Not according to the people I have spoken with.  Most said that more than anything, they were curious about swinging.  They asked a lot of questions but did not seem to have a negative reaction.  Many couples said that both friends and many family members (mostly siblings), eventually asked if they could tag along one night to see what it was all about.

Swingers would be surprised (or maybe not) to learn how connected the lifestyle is; even for people in some type of lifestyle related business.  The industry is comprised of the most friendly, warm and helpful group of people.  All of us have one goal, and that is to unite the lifestyle community. Most people I work with all say the same thing:  I am more interested in connecting people in the lifestyle than in making money.  Sure, it is a business, but it is also very personal.  Who wouldn’t want to be associated with such a genuine group of people?  Most of them have said that their families and friends know they are swingers and take it in stride.  They felt no judgement when they told others about it and feel completely comfortable that people know.

Like any other group, in order to gain acceptance, we must learn to stand up for what we believe in.  Swingers should not be ashamed of their lifestyle.  Obviously it is not necessary to divulge what you do when you are at a swing club, or party or other event, any more than you would give blow by blow (pun intended) details to others about what you and your significant other do in your bedroom.  No need to reveal that you participated in a gang bang with 15+ men last Saturday or tried double penetration for the first time and loved it.  Many swingers don’t swap, and many people in the lifestyle are not swingers.  Enjoying the warm atmosphere that accompanies the lifestyle is a wonderful thing and people should not have to hide from it.

There are many well known actors and singers who are open about their lifestyle choices and for some reason, people find this ‘normal’ and acceptable.  Why?  Why are they held to a different standard than the rest of us.  Because they are famous?   Even with their disclosure they are still sought after and some of them are highly influential people.

Revealing to others that you are open minded should not be a negative thing.  After all, if you think about it, being a part of the lifestyle really doesn’t mean more than that.   If your children or parents told you the same thing, would it concern you?  Sure, at first it might come as a surprise but would you be upset or concerned?  Probably not.

When we initially came up with the concept for the jewelry, we had just this vision in mind.  Wear the jewelry with pride.  First of all, others do not know what it means.  Secondly, even if they did, what does it really say about you?  That you are open minded, nothing more.

Let’s continue the movement to unite the lifestyle.  There is a lot to be learned from people who choose to be apart of it.  Honesty, respect and fun are the three hallmarks of the lifestyle.  What could be better than that?

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Ok, fine, I’m a slut, a whore and a nymphomaniac. But, you should know, I’m very satisfied!

Slutty woman in underwear wearing Partners ID belly ring
Slutty woman in underwear wearing Partners ID belly ring

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Slut is a word we are all familiar with.  We heard it used a lot in high school to shame girls who had sex with too many guys.  It did not occur to me in those years that we did not have a term for the males who were doing the same thing.

I stumbled upon an article the other day which was talking about the number of sexual partners people have had over the course of their lifetime, and what it says about them.

https://onlinedoctor.superdrug.com/whats-your-number/

The article is actually quite interesting and at the same time a bit alarming. As a swinger, reading that the general population thinks that the ideal number of past sexual partners for both men and women is 7, concerns me.  Seven?! Seriously?! I know people who have sex with 7 different people in one night!

My immediate reaction to the notion that a new man in my life would want to hear that I have only slept with 7 men prior to him, was that I felt a little nauseous. I think I had slept with 7 guys before I graduated from college. What does this mean? I was (and still am) a total slut?  Probably, but lucky for me, my husband appreciates the fact that I love sex as much as he does.

I don’t think anyone would be surprised to learn that both men and women tended to change their true numbers slightly (at their own admission). Men tended to say they have had sex with more women than they actually have, while women tended to say they have had sex with less partners than they have. It is a surprise to me that in the year 2017 people are still so antiquated in their thinking. Men want to be with women who love sex, but they don’t want to be with women who have been too sexually active or who are too experienced.

Perhaps because I have been married for a long time I have lost touch with single stigmas, but come on people, this is 2017. Many people in their 50s, 60s and 70s are part of the baby boomer population. They believe in sex, drugs and rock and roll, don’t they? This generation was having sex, and a lot of it, back in the 60s and 70s. You mean to tell me they were part of this survey? I think not.

I also would have imagined that we were no longer holding women to a different standard than men. We still think men are studs when they have many conquests while women remain sluts for doing the same. We pat men on the back for their accomplishments in bed while we shake our heads in disdain at the women with whom they are doing this. Every time I think we’ve come a long way (baby) I discover that perhaps we really have not. Even the terms we are still using to describe sexually adventurous women versus men have remained unchanged in the way one degrades the woman, while the other praises the man. According to Wikipedia, the term slut is as follows:

Slut is generally a term for a woman or girl who is considered to have loose sexual morals or who is sexually promiscuous.[1][2] It is usually used as an insult, sexual slur or offensive term of disparagement (slut shaming).[2][3] It originally meant “a dirty, slovenly woman”,[2] and is rarely used to refer to men, generally requiring clarification by use of the terms male slut or man whore.

Today, the term slut has a pervasive presence in popular culture and pornography, but is almost exclusively used to describe women. An exact male equivalent of the term does not exist. The lack of a comparably popular term for men highlights the double standard in societal expectations (gender roles) between males and females, as negative terms for sexually promiscuous males are rare.[5][14]

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Slut

This is one of the reasons why swinging and the lifestyle are such wonderful outlets. Nobody is judging anyone within the lifestyle. If you love sex, good for you! Curious to try something new? This is the place! Judge free zone! Everyone is free to explore their fantasies. In all of the years that I have been in the lifestyle, I have never heard anyone put a woman down for sleeping with too many men. Even the women who like gang bangs and trains. Most people just shrug their shoulders and say whatever she’s into to, glad she’s having fun.

For swingers, the standards set by the general population do not apply. Men in the lifestyle are not really interested in women who do not want to play. People are in the lifestyle for this purpose! Sexually open women are the norm, as are the sexually adventurous women.  Men seem drawn to the women who exude sex as they are certain that it will prove to be an enjoyable experience.  As far as asking about or caring about how many sexual partners someone has had?  I’ve never heard anyone discuss this within the confines of the lifestyle. Truth is, most people would probably laugh and say, “I have no idea, I lost count!”

It fascinates me that men who are not in the lifestyle prefer women who have slept with (at most) 7 partners. They feel that more than that signifies a promiscuous woman. What the survey did not discuss was a woman’s age. What if she’s 50 and has never been married? I hope these men are open to the thought that their partner to be likes to masturbate. Or, open to the notion that this partner does not like sex. Either way, how do you put a number on something like this, and more importantly who are they to judge?

Women also think the magic number of previous partners for men is 7. For a man who is 25, I can see the how this number is probably fair game. If the man is 40, I’m not so sure.

I think I can speak for most people in the lifestyle when I say that the number 7 made me laugh out loud when I heard it. Most real swingers who spend every weekend (and for some 1 or more nights a week) in a lifestyle venue of some sort, would probably agree that they hit that magic number often; some after a few weeks, others after a few months.

Does this make all the women in the lifestyle a bunch of sluts?  Probably to those who choose not to be in the lifestyle. What about the men? I imagine they would simply call the men in the lifestyle “lucky”. For those who are in the lifestyle, I sincerely doubt they care. They are usually both very happy in their relationship with their significant other and with their decision to swing. I suppose if any of us find ourselves single and being asked our “number,” we have two choices: lie or look for another swinger!

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Taking one for the team; when it comes to swinging, is it ever ok?

Woman thumbs up, man thumbs down
 Swingers are couples who engage in sexual activity with other people.  There are single people in the lifestyle, but for this article we are talking about couples, after all, if you are single, you are not taking one for the team!
Taking one for the team is something that will come up eventually if you and your partner swing;  how you handle this could determine your future in the lifestyle.
For those of you who are not in the lifestyle, what is taking one for the team?  We all know that the likelihood of two couples finding each other completely equal and appealing is unlikely and unusual.  More often than not, at least one person in the foursome is not attracted to their prospective partner for the evening.  Taking one for the team is when the person who is not attracted, goes along to make their spouse happy and plays with someone they would rather not play with.
Is this really a good idea?  Some people know that they are extremely particular and if they wait to find the “perfect” person for them to play with, they will probably never play.  It’s especially challenging when someone who is very picky is married to someone who is not.  These people can find themselves in situations where they are constantly saying no to potential foursomes and this can create an issue between a couple.  In this case, if the picky person does not lower their standards, they will either never play or will have to take one for the team to make their partner happy.  The question remains, is this a good idea?
Sometimes when confronted with a potential foursome, one of the couple knows that their spouse is very attracted to their potential playmate.  The problem is, even though their spouse is attracted, the other part of this couple is not.   If tthis person backs up, their spouse will not have the opportunity to play with this person, and they do not want to deny them an evening of fun.  They go along to make their spouse happy, and they expect, their spouse would do the same for them if the situation was reversed.  Again, is this a good idea?
I wonder in the above circumstances, if the spouse is aware that their partner is taking one for the team?   Taking one for the team can work if you keep it to yourself and go along without making your spouse feel bad about it.  Perhaps your partner for the evening is not your “model” but he seems nice enough and although he’s not your type, you don’t find him repulsive.  Although some people would not agree, it seems impossible that every couple does not make concessions from time to time to make things work.  The problems arise when this is either an ongoing scenario, or only one of you is ever willing to go along to make your partner happy.
If your spouse knows that you are not really onboard, but insists on moving ahead, this is entering dangerous territory.   When you have expressed to your partner ahead of time that someone grosses you out and they press ahead for you to “deal with it,” that’s a sign of an unhealthy relationship to begin with.   Nobody should ever “expect” you to play with someone you are not interested in.  Should you choose to do it, it must be because you have decided for your own reasons to do it.  It is never a good idea to throw it in your spouse’s face.  If you  decide to move forward, and have a bad result, just remember, they did not push you into it.

In order to have a positive experience in the lifestyle, communication is once again the only way to go.  Talk about these situations before and after they happen.  Try to make light of it, as swinging is for the moment.  “Taking one for the team” generally gets a very negative response and people immediately get defensive claiming they will never do it and neither will their spouse.  Again, if someone repulses you,

then of course, back up and make sure your spouse knows how you feel.  If, however, upon closer examination you discover that nobody ever meets your standards, perhaps you should consider a few things:

 1.  Maybe you really do not want to swing and by finding fault with every potential swing partner, you avoid playing with people altogether.
2.  You have ridiculously high standards.  Do you meet the criteria you set for others?
3.  You are not looking to marry the person, just spend a short time with them.  Does it really matter that they don’t meet all your requirements for a potential mate?
4.  You really cannot stand the thought of seeing your partner with someone else.  By finding fault in every potential swing partner you keep them to yourself.
Don’t misunderstand, I am not advocating taking one for the team.  I am simply attempting to help couples take an honest look at whether or not they should or should not ever lower their standards to make their partner happy.  I do know that my partner has implored me never to take one for the team and I feel the same way.  However, if we are honest and think about those couples we have played with, from time to time, we both have done exactly that.  The reason it has not been an issue is that we either laugh about it after or keep that info to ourselves knowing that we did it for the sake of our partner and it was our choice.

Life like dolls might be easy, but they are no replacement for swingers!

Life like doll

Every time I think I have seen everything, something new pops up.

There was a story in the New York Post about a Japanese man who is deeply in love with his life like female doll. The title of the article is:

“My sex doll is so much better than my real wife”.

You can read more about it here:

https://nypost.com/2017/06/30/i-love-my-sex-doll-because-she-never-grumbles/

The cost of each doll starts at $6000, so it is not a toy. The article says that the doll was developed in Japan because Japanese women can be so cold. Really?! So the answer to avoiding cold, Japanese women is to live with a doll?

When I read this, I couldn’t help but wonder what the heck is going on in the world. Sure, I’ve heard people say they prefer dogs or cats to people, but a doll? At least pets show affection! He talks about how much easier it is to get along with her and how she never requests anything from him. She doesn’t run up his credit card bills and is very agreeable. The doll is extremely life like with soft skin and detailed genitalia.

He elaborated about the time and attention he spends on his doll. He bathes her, dresses her, puts makeup on her, takes her out with him and yes, he has sex with her.

The obvious question here is: is she good in bed? Having been in the lifestyle for many years, that is naturally where my mind goes. I suppose on the one hand, she never says she’s too tired or has a headache. She is definitely open to anything you want to try or do with her. Your size is just right for her and she will never complain that you don’t last long enough or think about her needs. If all you need to enjoy sex with a woman is a body to lie there mute and let you do your thing, this sounds like a good fit. If you are looking for the warmth of human companionship, and perhaps a little action from your partner, that’s not going to happen with a doll. I did a little bit of research to see if there is a male doll, and yes, ladies, there is!

Another reason this doll might appeal to men is that after sex, the man is free to fall asleep with no conversation or cuddling. If she takes up too much room in the bed, he can just shove her off the side of the bed; she won’t complain. Without a doubt, she is open to anything that this guy comes up with! Maybe he brings his buddies over for some double penetration, or maybe a gang bang; I assure you she won’t mind.

Hopefully the fad will remain in Japan (I didn’t see any other places offering “Silicone Sally” for sale). I hate to imagine men showing up at swing clubs or private parties with their new girl. That would be awkward, but as we all know, there is always someone looking to get attention any way they can.

The need for a doll to replace a human would never come into play for swingers. The whole point of swinging is to have experiences with people other than your spouse. Rarely are swingers in the lifestyle because the woman is cold and does not like sex. Usually, it is the opposite!

Swinging offers people a chance to experience a variety of partners, many of whom might be interested in participating in something your spouse is not. There are no ties, it is just sex. Most swing clubs or events offer men the chance to experience things that they might not have the opportunity to have at home. Swingers also do not require cuddling or conversation after sex. Most of them are looking to switch back with the person they came to the club with, and either leave, or move on to someone else.

I suspect over time, the man from Japan will grow tired of his doll. The question is, what will he do with her when he has had enough? Leave her by the curb?

 

 

Being a swinger is like having an open door to live out your sexual fantasies!

truckblonde   Everyone has a fantasy of some sort.  Everyone has at least one sexual fantasy.  Most people probably have a repertoire of sexual fantasies.  How many people have ever told someone what their fantasies are?  For people who are not in the lifestyle, the thought of exposing these fantasies to anyone is impossible to imagine.  Perhaps for some people this is something they discuss with close friends but how many people would tell their partner?  Should this not be a part of an intimate relationship?  Are people fearful that their partner will laugh?  Be appalled?  Be scared?

What are sexual fantasies and why are they so common?  There are an endless amount of sexual fantasies that are common among men and women.  Although they tend to vary between sexes some themes are more common than others.  Some of the more common sexual fantasies are:

  1.  Having sex with someone you know, either a coworker, boss, employee, neighbor, friend, etc.
  2.  Something in the fetish category:  whips and chains, spanking and dominating, submissive sex, etc.
  3.  Having sex in public
  4. Exhibitionism – having others watch you having sex
  5. Voyuerism – watching others having sex
  6. Multiple partners — having sex with more than one person
  7. Gang bangs — either watching or being watched
  8. Masturbating oneself while their partner watches
  9. Girl on girl action — men and women both seem to want this!

You get the point!  The list could go on and on…

Do pent up fantasies contribute to people having affairs outside of their marriage?  Perhaps they do.  This is where swingers benefit!  If most people in the lifestyle were to look at the list above, they would agree that they have participated in many of those fantasies and more.  What is more wonderful than turning fantasy into reality?  Especially when you are engaging in these fantasies with your partner or with your partner nearby?  This is what helps build an open, honest relationship.  No secrets!  How wonderful to be able to open that door with the person you love and share it!

When couples are swingers, every lifestyle event holds promise of a new and exciting adventure.  New people, new situations, new fantasies.  There is no longer a need to make up scenarios secretly in your mind while having sex with your partner.  As every couples knows, there are only so many different positions and so many rooms in your house to have sex in.  After many years together it becomes more and more difficult to think of ways to keep things exciting.  It’s not that you don’t love your partner, it’s that sex can become routine and boring.  Imagine if the two of you were to discuss your secret fantasies.  Better yet, imagine if the two of you went out and tried to fulfill them together.

What could be more exciting than that?

 

Sometimes the lifestyle finds you; how this couple ended up in the lifestyle.

Middle age group of friends drinking wine.

 

Hi Partners ID!

My name is Marie and my husband’s name is Larry. We love reading all the stories from your customers so we thought we would chime in. Ours is way different from any other story we have read so far.  We will tell you that in the not so distant past, we had never heard the term lifestyle, never been to a swing club and never heard of Partners ID!

Larry and I met in high school and got married after we graduated from college. We had three children and lived a pretty atypical suburban life. Over the past 20 years or so, we basically devoted our time and energy to raising our children and building a business.

Our youngest child left for college a few years ago. Like many other empty nesters, we looked at each other and wondered “now what”?

We traveled, took up golf and tried to find ways to keep the marriage happy. Our sex life was nothing to speak of but we were still very much in love.

One evening when we were trying to pick a movie to go and see my husband told me he was honestly tired of our routine. When I asked him if he had something in mind, he said he did. He announced that he wanted us to go to a strip club. I am willing to try just about anything once, so I said it was worth a try.

He told me he had done some research (not surprising) and had one picked out. I was a little nervous as this was my first time, but at the same time I was excited to go. We stopped to grab a quick bite to eat and a drink before heading over.

I was surprised at how nice the place was and never expected to see so many couples. I had imagined it would be mostly single men but I was wrong. We sat at a table and watched the girls parade around the place. A few came over and wanted to dance for us. At first I said no but after a few more drinks I was open to the idea.

We spent a few hours there and as it got later in the night we noticed a group sitting at a table near ours. There were about 8 couples all around a large table drinking and laughing and having a good time. The couples looked to be about our age and the women were dressed very sexy. After a while I noticed that some of the women were kissing more than one man and even kissing each other! My husband and I spent more time watching this group than the naked girls parading around in front of us.

I had to use the restroom and when I returned, two women from that group were talking to my husband. I walked over and they quickly turned to me and introduced themselves. They were extremely friendly but it was odd to me that these women would approach my husband like this. They asked if we came to this place often and we explained it was our first time. They told us they frequently stopped here after a night at a swing club not far away. A swing club?! Really!

They invited us to come and sit with them. I was totally taken off guard. When do people ever try to pick up a couple? Weird!!! We agreed. My husband told me not to worry, that we would just sit for a few minutes and then leave. They offered us drinks and everyone was so friendly. I can honestly say that I had never seen a group of people this friendly in my life. We had a few drinks and then I got up the nerve to ask about the swing club. They were all swingers and they pointed to their necklaces. I had never seen one before and had no idea what it meant. They explained that they wear the jewelry to meet other swingers. One of them slipped it off her neck and put it on my neck. She made me promise that I would wear it next weekend and we would try the swing club they had come from.

Believe it or not, we did indeed go and it was amazing! We had such a blast dancing and drinking with our new found friends. There was nothing awkward or uncomfortable about the entire first night. We did not go into the room in the back right away. It wasn’t until our 5th visit that we ventured back there.

This happened a year ago and we are not only regulars at the swing club, but we both own a piece of the jewelry and wear it all the time. My husband met a man when he was playing golf who approached him. We have been out with that couple several times as well.

We love the lifestyle and we love your jewelry!

Thanks!

Marie and Larry

Swinging is not for everyone. Some people need a little push to get started.

Swinging is not something everyone is open to.  Sometimes people need alittle push to get their toes wet in the swinger world. Here is one such story from a customer:

Dear Partners ID,

This is probably a little different from the emails you get from other swingers. I am actually not a swinger (soon to be, as my husband would say).

A few years ago my husband brought up the subject of swinging to me. He was very quiet about it at first but over time he started to push me. I have to be honest; I had zero interest in the whole idea. We have two young children and they are my priority. Most weekend night I am happy to stay home and watch a movie with my kids. My husband, is exactly the opposite. He would go out 7 nights a week if I agreed.

Anyway, after he started to push me towards experimenting with swinging and I was very confused by the whole idea. I felt inadequate, like I was not enough for him and he was looking for something else. He tried on several occasions to take me to a swing club but I was not open to the whole idea.

For Christmas he bought me a beautiful necklace with an interesting pendant. I put it on and thought nothing of it. I proudly showed it off to my parents and friends and everyone loved it.

One night we went out for dinner and when we were having dessert, a couple approached us at our table. I looked at my husband to see if he knew them but I could tell from his expression that he did not. The woman pointed to my necklace and showed me that she had a bracelet with the same pendant. I laughed at the coincidence but had no idea that it meant something! They asked if they could join us and as they were so friendly, we agreed. We actually had a wonderful time talking and laughing with them. After we were finished, we exchanged phone numbers and said we would get together soon.

On the ride home I was telling my husband how nice it was to meet a couple as nice as they were. It was then that he told me about the jewelry. At first I was upset that he let me walk around with it not even knowing what it meant. Then I realized that it helped us to meet a couple who seemed so normal.

They sent us a text the next morning and asked us if we wanted to meet them for dinner during the week. I hesitated because I wasn’t sure what they would be expecting. I decided to call her and tell her the truth. She couldn’t have been nicer! She said no problem, dinner was all they were expecting.

We met them for dinner and had a wonderful time. I loved how easy they were to talk to. I felt like we could talk about anything, which is not the case with our other friends. They told us stories about swinging that made me laugh so hard that my stomach hurt.

After dinner when we were leaving, she pulled me aside and told me that if I was ever interested in exploring playing with either a girl or a guy, we should call them. She said they would be happy to make it a comfortable experience with no strings attached. If I felt ok with it we could try, if not, that would be ok as well.

She kissed me goodbye on the lips and I was shocked and a little turned on all at the same time. In the car on the way home by husband was all smiles. I had to agree that the thought of kissing her again was on my mind.

We have plans to go to their house tonight. I don’t know what will happen, but I wanted to let you know that if I hadn’t been wearing the necklace, this would never have happened. I am still wearing it so maybe I am ready to try swinging!

xoxo
Cassidy