Hilarious swinger stories that cannot be shared with vanilla friends!

Doctor holding condom in front of a swinger

Swingers are a special breed of people.   No topic is off-limits when they talk amongst each other,.  Things that you would never discuss with vanilla friends or close family are perfect things to talk about with your swinger friends.  These are friends who can truly relate to some of the bizarre or hilarious things that happen in the lifestyle.

What’s in your box?

A swinger friend visited a nude beach and while relaxing, observed a beautiful girl walking around showing people something in a cardboard box.  As she got closer, he was eager to not only see what was inside the box but to have an opportunity to meet this beautiful, naked girl.  He waved for her to come over to his group, and with a big smile, she headed in their direction.

When she reached this group, she greeted them with a big smile and put her box on the sand.  My friend peered into the box but wasn’t quite sure what he was looking at.  “Cock rings,” she explained, “you really should try wearing one!”  My friend said the seller was so cute it would not have mattered what she was selling, he was buying.  He reached into the box and chose one.  She showed him how to put it on and he was quite the happy camper. He and his wife left the beach and headed back to their apartment.

Later that evening they were heading out to a swing club so he slipped on the cock ring. He was very excited to show it to his friends.  They got into the elevator along with two elderly women.  The elevator door shut and as the elevator jolted to a start, they hear a clink, clink, clink on the floor of the elevator as the cock ring fell out of the bottom of his pant leg to the ground.  He looked down and says, “Oh, there’s my cuff link!”

Excuse me, can you speak up?

Other swinger friends were traveling to see family out of town and decided to go to a local swing club in the area.  Having heard good things about this club, they were excited to go and meet some new people.  After dressing in their sexy club clothes, they were on their way.  The crowd was great and one couple, in particular, seemed eager to play with them.  Heading into the playroom together, the other couple suggested a private room, to which this couple agreed.

As they are playing, the man starts whispering something into my friend’s ear.  She can’t quite hear him and asks him to repeat himself.  When she is sure she can hear him she sits upright and looks at her husband, who is playing with this man’s wife.  The wife looks over and smiles at my friend.  My friend touches her husband and tells him she’s ready to go.  Confused, he gets up and she is already out the door.  He runs behind her to find out what happened.  The man had asked my friend to poop on his face.  She was sure he was joking but clearly he was not.  He said he likes it and his wife likes to watch.  It grossed her out so much that she had to leave.  Imagine telling your vanilla friends a story like this!

What happens in the dark stays in the dark

Swinger dating sites are a great resource for finding a private party in your area.  When swinger friends of ours found one of interest, they signed up on the guest list.  The address and time for the party was later sent in an email.   The party was planned for a Friday night, which coincided with a parent-teacher conference that was already on their schedule.  They went to meet the teachers, changed clothing in their car and headed off for an evening of fun.

Arriving a little late, they grabbed some drinks and mingled with some of the guests downstairs.  As the evening wore on, couples started to move upstairs to play.  It was dark in the bedrooms so they could see bodies, but they could not identify any faces.  They found a spot on a bed and settled in to play together.  Not long after, the woman next to them reached over and started to touch my friend.  It started as just kissing and before long the two couples were engaged in a four-way.  The other man was eager to swap so they switched and played with the other couple.  Soon my friend heard the other woman screaming in orgasm and showering them when she squirted.

When it was all over, the foursome walked out of the bedroom together so they could properly introduce themselves.  As soon as they got into a more lighted area my friend could not believe her eyes!  It was her son’s teacher that she had just met with earlier that evening!

Excuse me ma’am but is there something you’re not telling me?

A woman we know spends a fair amount of time at swing clubs and lifestyle events. When she attends these events, playing is a priority for her.  She went for a yearly gynecology exam and during the examination, her doctor asked her if she has multiple partners or does she just have sex with her husband.

With the doctor positioned between her legs, peering inside for the exam, her concern was that he was looking at something that indicated an STD or infection of some kind.  She knew him socially (vanilla) and felt she could not possibly tell him about the lifestyle.  She picked up her head and looked down at him telling him she was faithful to her husband.  With that, he reached inside her and pulled out a condom.

Candles create a lovely atmosphere, don’t they?

Swinger friends planned a sexy weekend at a hotel with another couple they frequently played with.  The women decided to check in early to decorate the room and surprise the men when they arrived.  They brought candles, rose petals and candy, massage oils, bath oils, and flowers. By the time the men arrived, the room was romantic and sexy; the women in lingerie, ready for fun. They wasted no time and spent the afternoon playing.  After a fun afternoon, my friends headed out for the evening.  Returning from the restaurant, there were firetrucks leaving the hotel and the guests were walking back inside.  When they asked what was happening, they were told that a guest had left candles burning when they left their room and it started a fire.  My friends were mortified because they realized it was them…

Let’s give these girls a round of applause!

When hosting a private swinger party, it is not uncommon for guests to bring a gift for the host and hostess.  At this particular party, one of the gifts some friends received was a huge pink vibrator that was shaped like a penis.  The party ended late and as they cleaned up, they carefully put the vibrator back in the box and stuck it in a guest room closet.  Several weeks later, their 5-year-old had a friend over.  Her older brother was bothering them and so they wandered into the guest room and closed the door so they would not be disturbed.   During the day my friend works, so the children are left with a babysitter.

Not long after, the babysitter goes into the room to check on the girls.  My friend’s daughter had found the vibrator and they were using it like a microphone, singing karaoke.  The babysitter was shocked but felt compelled to take a video so she could show my friend.   After seeing the video, my friend said she was so embarrassed that she wanted to fire the sitter so she wouldn’t have to face her, but was terrified because she had a video!

As swingers, we never know what crazy situations we will find ourselves in.  What I can say, is that we can never tell our vanilla friends stories like these!

Remember to check out our lifestyle jewelry as we frequently add new pieces to our collection!   https://www.swingersjewelry.net/jewelry-for-swingers/

The journey from unicorn to prostitute; something she never imagined would happen.

Unicorn turned prostitute wearing Partners ID swinger jewelry black ring

A few years ago, you urged me to write about why I had chosen to become a unicorn. It seemed to help people to understand that not every unicorn is in the lifestyle because they want to steal other women’s husbands.  https://www.swingersjewelry.net/unicorn/

My story today is how I took the leap from reliable second female in the FMF, into paid call girl.

Not long into the COVID crisis, I lost my job.  Having little savings and a steady stream of bills to pay, I began to feel desperate.

I had never thought of charging people money for sex, it actually happened rather organically.  

Swing clubs closed down in March and at first, my lifestyle friends resorted to throwing private parties.  They said they would keep everyone safe by only inviting “close” friends.  For me, this made no sense, and the last thing I needed, was to get sick.  I declined every invitation and was clear in explaining that it felt too risky.  

Those parties came to a screeching halt when sadly, several of the party-goers ended up in the hospital with COVID.  Those who did not feel sick quickly got tested to calm their fears.

Soon after, I began to get calls from couples I knew from the lifestyle.  Each asked casually if I would like to join them one evening for drinks at their home.  I might be single, but I’m not stupid.  When a  swinger couple invites me to their home, I know what they are expecting.

Sitting at home for weeks on end was causing me to suffer from cabin fever! When I accepted the first invitation, it never crossed my mind to ask for payment from them.  I was looking forward to a fun evening!  

The night with this couple was great and I felt relaxed knowing they had been tested after the party incident.  When the evening was over, the husband walked me out to my car.  He stuffed a wad of bills into my hand and thanked me.  I was shocked and said he was crazy, but he explained that he was simply trying to help me.  “We are friends, and I understand your current situation.  You need the money, just take it,” he said.  Thanking him, I kissed him and drove home.

Did this make me a prostitute?  Was I just paid for sex?  In my head, I really felt he was being kind and trying to help me.  It was true, I needed the money and I did take a risk going to their home.

A few days later, another couple called with a similar invitation.  I was less friendly with this couple and I hesitated.  Could I accept the invitation but tell them I would expect to be paid?  After considering how thrilled I was with the money I received last time, it was tempting.

I rehearsed what I would say and finally mustered up the courage to call them back.  Thankfully, the call went to voicemail.  It was a quick explanation of my current financial situation and the risk I was taking. I added that for some financial compensation, I would love to join them.

They did not call me back which made me feel awful.  Not because I cared about them, but I felt awful about myself.  During that first day, I went back and forth about it, but ultimately believed it was my right.  I don’t owe anybody anything and I am allowed to set the terms if people want to use me. 

Guess what?  Two days later, another couple phoned.  Same invitation and had already heard from the second couple.  They were happy to “help me out financially”!  I was thrilled!  This time I didn’t have to ask because they already knew.

And just like that, I had gone from unicorn, fun ‘extra’ female, to paid call girl!  The truth is, I don’t feel bad about it.  I am fulfilling a need for these couples and they are doing something to help me in return.  This is a win-win!

Do you like Kennedy’s black ring? Looking for swinger jewelry?  Find it here: https://www.swingersjewelry.net/jewelry-for-swingers/

Dick vs. Brain; Which organ rules when swinging?

                             brain vs. dick

(We should warn you that this article is tongue in cheek.  This blog is written with a sarcastic overtone and should not be taken seriously!)

It makes me laugh when I hear women discuss how their husbands behave in a playroom at a swing club or any other swinging environment. Anything they discuss with their significant other prior to swinging, goes right out the window. No matter how hard they try to drop subtle hints to their significant other , the man seems oblivious. The problem is most notable in the play area of swing clubs or private parties.  It seems men are in total control until they get an erection Why is this?

Quite possibly, this problem can be explained like this:  As a man gets an erection, there is an increase in blood flow to the penis.  This blood must come from somewhere, right?  Perhaps the brain is depraved of the blood due to the redirecting of this needed blood to the penis.  As his respiration rate increases due to heavy bleeding, the brain is now also incurring a lack of sufficient oxygen.  This clouds his ability to think clearly.  How can we hold men accountable when their bodies are under such duress?  Their now throbbing dick has caused their brain to slow down.

Sounds like I have a problem with men, right? Actually, I don’t. I was reading a long forum thread on a website discussing this. Believe it or not, this was a man’s analysis of what occurs. He was begging forgiveness for all men, for the way they sometimes behave when they are excited. He asked his playmates and significant other to forgive:

His lack of overt interest in her because his erection required more attention than she.

He asked forgiveness for spending way more time using his mouth on her (rarely have I heard a woman complaining about this) but he was trying to become erect

Paying too much attention to his wife or girlfriend; it helps him to be more excited.

For never noticing that his wife was not interested in playing with his beautiful playmate’s husband.

For not noticing that the other man could not get an erection. He was too busy with the beautiful playmate he was with.

For allowing his dick to be in charge of both his mind and his body.

He went on to explain that he really cares about both the woman he arrives at the club and the woman he plays with.  His dick, from what he says, is the one in charge. Once they enter the back room, his brain has stopped trying to be in control because he learned early on that it was a useless battle.

I replied to his response and asked him if this only applies to the playroom or does this have something to do with his behavior in the bar area of a club. His honesty is refreshing and quite funny. The man wrote that his brain is in complete control before his clothing is removed. The problem seems to begin when he sees a woman that he is attracted toAt this point, control between his brain and dick .   it can become a tug of war.  He has discovered his dick is usually victorious over his brain.

He told me that when he and his wife started swinging, it was a huge issue. More often than not, they left the club or party in a fight. He felt bad about it but did not think he was the one to blame. It seemed to him that his wife was the one with the problem and he was a victim.

He took to the forum on a swinging site and started asking others for their opinion. After a while he realized that most people were giving him the same advice: communicate with your wife and find out what’s really bothering her. Start the conversation immediately after you leave the party (or club).

After their next evening out swinging, as soon as they got into the car, he turned to his wife.  He asked her if he had done something wrong. The first thing she brought up was their secret code. It is a word that they use to indicate whether or not the person has interest in a potential playmate.  Apparently my wife used the word 3 times that evening to indicate that she was not interested in playing with this particular man. OOPS! Guess who we played with that evening….

Second, we had a no kissing rule which I was very good about when we were having drinks prior to play time. Although she understands that sometimes the other person makes it hard not to kiss them back, he was the one who was initiating the kissing. My wife mentioned that she was tapping my arm to remind me but I did not seem to feel it.

Every conversation or rule that my wife and I had discussed, seemed to evaporate as soon as my clothing came off.   My brain no longer reminded me that we had certain expectations of each other when we swing.

That was when I had a revelation about playing with other women. All of this time I had been blaming my wife for being jealous and picking nonsense fights when she was strictly asking me to be accountable for my behavior. The truth is, she was right! My dick was calling all the shots and I allowed him to be in control!  I could not hear her trying to speak to me or feel her touching me while I was playing with someone else! The attention I had to give to keep my erection was dulling all of my other senses!

His wife, at other times, is the object of his attention. If he cannot get an erection, he often turns to watch his wife hoping that this will excite him. He will, at times, try to involve himself in her play with another man hoping she can help him. Other times, he interrupts his wife’s play to ask for her assistance. The wife is aware of why he does this and is happy to oblige. What bothers her is that if she tries to get his attention while he is busy playing, he is unaware of her.

What is the take away from this? This man said that he felt compelled to make a blanket apology for his dick’s actions. Working on this problem is a bit more difficult than he had anticipated. It seems his dick insists on his full attention but he is making a conscious effort to be more aware of his wife during playtime.

So there you have it, an explanation as to why men behave the way they do when swinging. Their dick is to blame for their erratic behavior. Do I think women are going to buy this? I will let you know what they say…

If you are looking for lifestyle jewelry that is recognized around the world, check our website. When you see our pendant, you have found another swinger!
Check out all of our jewelry here: https://www.swingersjewelry.net/jewelry-for-swingers/