So you are in the lifestyle and have gotten your feet wet in the world of swinging. It does not matter what “type” of swinger you are: full swap, soft swap, etc., what matters is that now you are one of us! It comes about slowly, but all of the sudden you have that aha moment when you realize you are truly part of the lifestyle. This list points out things that are common among people who swing and if two or more apply to you, you are a swinger!
You know you’re a swinger when:
The names in your phone are couples with first names only (or they all have the same last name, which is the name of your swing club).
Your kids are coming to town and you have already forewarned them that you have important plans Saturday night that cannot be broken. You have also scoured their rooms to make sure their sheets are clean and there are no condoms or toys in the drawers from your last sleep over guests.
You dress in your car and think nothing of the trucks passing by when you are buck naked on the highway.
You get dressed at home and wear a trench coat in the middle of summer to get out of the house.
You have a “secret” closet for your slut wear and hooker shoes.
When someone asks to see a picture that’s on your phone you hold the phone to show them. You panic that they might scroll through some of the photos.
You have at least one screen name with some sexual or provocative word in it.
There are nude photos of you somewhere.
You have lied to many friends about your where abouts on the weekend.
You have declined important vanilla social engagements to attend a swinger event.
You are married but have condoms in your house.
You have sex toys and lingerie and share both with your lifestyle friends.
You have told women you love their breasts and asked if you can feel them.
You see a couple and ask your partner if you have ever played with them. (You can’t remember everyone!)
When you see an attractive couple, you point them out to your partner, even in vanilla settings.
You talk about the size of your partner’s penis, then your friends want to see it for themselves.
You would happily show your tattoos and piercings; even your clit ring.
When someone is talking about a Prince Albert you know it’s not a person.
You have to remember to pack a bathing suit when going to the beach with vanilla friends.
You tell your friends that you can’t see them this weekend because you have your period.
When you invite your lifestyle friends to your house, they are not interested in eating…
You have had sleepovers with your friends.
You share a stall with your friends in the restroom.
You have to make a conscious effort not to discuss sex with your vanilla friends.
You have to remind yourself that you cannot just strip off your clothing and jump into a pool at a vanilla party.
You have discussed another man’s penis with your husband.
Your husband has told you that another woman is good in bed.
You’ve had some sexual contact with your best (lifestyle) friends.
You have to remember to keep your clothing on when on a vanilla vacation.
Did you shake your head in agreement more than twice? Chances are you agreed to many of these. If you did, congratulations! You’re a swinger!
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