Rejection in the lifestyle; what’s the best way to say thanks but no thanks?


Couple wearing Partners ID lifestyle jewelry

Rejection is never pretty. 

Regardless of how we dress it up, rejection is still ugly.  It is hurtful and often feels personal.  

For everyone in the lifestyle, this is something we must face at some point,  either as the rejector or the rejectee.  First of all, this is normal.  Everyone will not like everyone else, but figuring out how to let them know is never easy.

Swinging is a lot like dating.  

At times we have an attraction to someone and that attraction is not returned.  We want someone to like us but they do not.  When we are talking about dating, it is fairly straightforward.  One person must like one person.  In swinging, this is much more complicated.

Every couple in the lifestyle will agree that couples finding couples is much more difficult.   

Swingers often take to dating sites like SDC, Kasidie,  Airtight, SLS, Quiver, etc., to find other swingers.  They scan their pictures and read profiles in the hopes of finding like minded and attractive couples to meet.  

The process on swinger dating sites generally involves one couple picking out another and sending them an email expressing interest.  The receiver of the email will open the profile of the sender and begin with their photos.  If there is any spark of interest, they will read the profile.  

If the receiver of the email likes what they see, chances are they will respond to your email.  

What happens if the couple opens the email and has no interest?  

Many times they will simply delete the email and forget about it.  Obviously you will realize they are not interested right?

This way of handling an email of no interest is called “ghosting”.   Some couples feel this is the easiest way to convey there is no interest.  Other couples feel you owe some type of response to the people who sent the email. 

How do you reject someone without hurting their feelings?

Is it possible to turn someone down without hurting their feelings?  It seems that whatever you say will cause some pain.  Often times couples say they simply reply:  “We are not a match.”  Surely the couple reading that email will take it personally, especially if their profiles seemed to align.   This truly is the kindest possible response.  No need to explain why, just a simple reply to let them know.

Sometimes couples feel compelled to be honest

Honesty is the best policy, right?  Here I have to disagree.  There is no need to explain that one of you is not attracted to the sender.  No need to comment on their age, weight or other physical characteristic.  There is never a reason to be cruel or hurtful.

If you specified in your profile that you are looking for something specific that does not match the sender, then it is ok to point that out.   Although you have a good reason to reject them, there are ways to say things without being mean.

What if you are not interested in a couple you meet in person?

Rejecting couples in an email is not that hard.  What happens when you are face to face with a couple and you have no interest?  If this is a couple that approaches you in a club, it is easy to walk away.  You make an excuse about going to the restroom or to dance.  When you do not return, that should be easy for them to understand.  If they seek you out upon your return, letting them know that you would like to walk around and talk to other couples will hopefully be enough.  

If a couple is trying to join you while in a play area, usually simply not responding to their advances is enough to let them know.  For the bolder couple who does not seem to pick up on non verbal cues, saying no thank you should send them on their way.  

It becomes more complicated when you have agreed to meet in person after exchanging text messages or emails.  It is probably a good idea to make your first meeting for a quick cup of coffee.  If there is interest, you can always move to sharing a meal.  

When your date with another couple is over a meal, this can be more complicated.  You and your partner should think about this beforehand and come up with a plan.  A simple gesture that you agree upon will let each other know how you are feeling.  If one of you wants out, the gesture will let your partner know.  The plan should include a way to graciously end the date as soon as possible.  This can be followed up with an email explaining that although you thought they were very nice, the chemistry was not there.  

What about the couples who simply won’t take no for an answer?

Rejection is always hard because you know you are hurting someone.  If the other couple is gracious, this makes it easy.  When the other couple simply won’t take no for an answer, it can lead to a much uglier situation.  

We have found ourselves in situations where a simple no thank you has turned sour.  In a case like this it is important to remember that it is not your problem, but theirs.  While we chose to take the high road and be kind, there are couples who somehow feel entitled to your time and attention.  Whether this occurs online or in person it can be frustrating.  Blocking the couple online is a no brainer. 

 In person, it becomes a bit more difficult.  Avoiding them seems to be the only way around a future problem.  If they hang out in the same club as you, chances are you are not alone in your dealings with them.  Eventually these couples are isolated because of their behavior.  

Bottom line?

Without a doubt, at some point in time you will have to reject couples and couples will reject you.  Although you may be tempted, do not take it personally, simply move on.  

Valentine’s Day is only a few weeks away! Check out our lifestyle jewelry here:  https://www.swingersjewelry.net/jewelry-for-swingers/

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Swingers: Why is it a secret that you are in the lifestyle?

 

Woman hiding under a hat wearing Partners ID lifestyle jewelry

 

Here it is, the year 2019!  Happy New Year!

It is normal to end one year and to begin a new one with some self reflection.  What you accomplished, what you did not, and to think ahead to the upcoming year.  Perhaps some of you make new years resolutions.  Whatever the case, it is normal to think about life during this time.

What are you hoping for this new year?

What do you hope this new year will bring?  Obviously, we all want world peace and good health.  Many wish for prosperity and other such things.  This is normal.  While I too, wish for these things, I also find myself continually asking myself about the things that never seem to change.  Sure, politics come to mind but that is another subject entirely.  For me, I cannot help but wonder why swinging is still seen as something taboo.  What on earth are we so ashamed of?

Are people still afraid to let others know that they are in the lifestyle?

Why do swingers feel the need to keep their lifestyle a secret?  I frequently hear swingers say that nobody knows that they are in the lifestyle.  They would die if someone found out.   Why is that?  What do people think when they hear someone they know is a swinger?  It reminds me of the time before I had ever had sex.   I couldn’t imagine how you could face the person you had sex with afterwards.  What would they think after they had seen you in such a compromising way?  How would others see you? Obviously I discovered that these fears were unfounded.  Nobody seemed to look at me any differently, and facing the guy who I was with was no problem.  So what is it that makes us fear discovery?

 What is it that swingers fear about exposure?

Curiousity got the best of me and so I started to ask swingers.  I asked a group of swingers if they are very religious, but they are not.  I wondered if their children were at an age that it would create confusion and uncertainty, but they are not.  Do they think they are doing something criminal or unethical?  They do not.  Hmm.  Would exposure embarrass them?   This question got a nod.   Embarrassed? Why?  In truth, swingers are doing something that most people wish they could do.  They have sex with others and it doesn’t destroy their marriage.  Why?  Because two consenting adults have agreed to enter into this together.  There are no lies or secrets.

Would friends and family alienate you if they found out you were having an affair?

Admitting that you are a swinger should be a lot less traumatic than admitting you are having an affair, no?  After all, one is cheating and lying to someone you say you are in love with, the other is not.  Cheaters sneak around, worrying that they will be caught.   Getting caught would disrupt their lives and the lives of those around them.  Swingers, on the other hand, are out having a great time together.  They are out enjoying parties and events with their significant other.  This is something that others only dream of.

I wonder how many swingers are truly living this lifestyle unbeknownst to their friends and family.  Probably not nearly as many as believe they are.  Often times I watch swingers arrive at a club clad in an over sized trench coat in the middle of the summer.  When I ask these women if their family or neighbors don’t find this strange they say they don’t think so.  Really?  It’s 90 degrees outside and you leave your house or condo wearing a trench coat cinched at the waste with stiletto heels and nobody thinks that’s odd?

What happens to couples who come clean about the lifestyle?

Many swingers have said that when they finally decided to disclose to friends and family that they were swingers, many were not surprised.  Many said they had known about it for years but understood the swinger couple wanted to keep it to themselves.  (If these were the trench coat women, it’s no wonder people knew.)

What about the family and friends who did not suspect this person or couple was in the lifestyle?  What was their reaction?  Were they shocked and appalled?  Not according to the people I have spoken with.  Most said that more than anything, they were curious about swinging.  They asked a lot of questions but did not seem to have a negative reaction.  Many couples said that both friends and many family members (mostly siblings), eventually asked if they could tag along one night to see what it was all about.

Stop apologizing for your lifestyle choices; it’s your life and your decision to make.

Like any other group, in order to gain acceptance, we must learn to stand up for what we believe in.  Swingers should not be ashamed of their lifestyle.  Obviously it is not necessary to divulge what you do when you are at a swing club, or party or other event.  Most people do not give blow by blow (pun intended) details to others about what they do in their bedrooms.  No need to reveal that you participated in a gang bang with 15+ men last Saturday. Nobody needs to know that you tried double penetration for the first time and loved it.  Many swingers don’t swap, and many people in the lifestyle are not swingers.  Enjoying the warm atmosphere that accompanies the lifestyle is a wonderful thing and people should not have to hide from it.

Why do people find it acceptable to learn that many famous couples are swingers?  Why are they held to a different standard than the rest of us.  Because they are famous?   Some are highly influential people and they do not deny that they are swingers.  Famous people frequently answer questions about their lifestyle and seem quite comfortable doing so.

What does wearing lifestyle jewelry actually say about you?

Wearing our jewelry means that you are open minded.  If you think about it, being a part of the lifestyle really doesn’t mean more than that.   If your children or parents told you the same thing, would it concern you?  Although it might surprise you, you would  be happy to see them happy.

When we initially came up with the concept for the jewelry, we had just this vision in mind.  Wear the jewelry with pride.  First of all, others do not know what it means.  Secondly, even if they did, what does it really say about you?  It says that you are an open minded person.

Let’s continue the movement to unite the lifestyle.  People in the lifestyle could really teach others a lot about relationships.  Honesty, respect and fun are the three hallmarks of the lifestyle.  What could be better than that?

To see our collection of lifestyle jewelry click here:  https://www.swingersjewelry.net/jewelry-for-swingers/page/2/

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Why are we swingers? The question should be: why aren’t you swingers?

Swingers generally believe that they are keeping their lifestyle a secret.  They go about their lives in the vanilla world with their children and their jobs waiting for the weekends.  Suddenly, as the weekend arrives, these regular Jones change into party animals.  You can spot them by the clothing they wear and the smiles on their faces.  Most swingers I know, anxiously await the time to leave their homes for their night out.

Don’t get me wrong, all through the week swingers are mentally planning their next adventure whether it be a meet and greet, hotel takeover, visit to a swing club or a night at a private party.   Women are planning what they will wear and men are stocking up on their liquor of choice (swing events are almost always bring your own bottle).  They might outwardly appear to be regular people, with regular lives, but come the weekend, all bets are off!

At some point, many swingers come to the realization that perhaps their private life is not such a secret after all.  It might be a family member or close friend who mentions that they have been aware for some time that the two of you are swingers.  It might be the way people look at you or subjects they talk to you about.  Sometimes people will not come right out and confront you but will drop subtle hints hoping you will start the dialogue.  Whatever the case, if you are active in the lifestyle, chances are, some people close to you have figured it out.

Ok, so now someone has confronted you and you figure what the heck, I will fess up.  The first question they are likely to ask is: why are you swingers?

This is the best question ever!  I would probably respond by saying, “How much time do you have?”

The reasons that bring people into the lifestyle are probably not the reasons that keep them there.  Many people enter the lifestyle because they are curious or would like to play out their fantasies or see their partner do something while they watch.  Those are not really the reasons people stay in the lifestyle.   Once you know what is behind that door, if you are like most people, you don’t want to close it!

So why are we swingers?  Let’s see… before we were in the lifestyle, our weekends were pretty predictable.  Friday nights were usually met with the same “what do you want to do tonight” followed by the same question on Saturday night.  It’s not that we didn’t have a social life,  we did, and we had plenty of friends.  However, how many weekends can you spend going out for dinner or a movie?  Parties?  Most parties were for birthdays or holidays, but not really more than that.  When we did have these weekly dinners with friends what did we talk about?  Almost every time we would talk about our children and perhaps work.  Occasionally, something more exciting like a current event or the new nail girl somebody had found.  Thrilling, right?

Enter, the lifestyle…  What do we now do on weekends?  Go to parties or swing clubs every single Friday and Saturday night.  What do we talk about with our lifestyle friends?  Sex!  Well, not just sex, we talk about everything.  Our conversations are open and honest about our lives and our relationships.  Lifestyle friends allow us to speak openly about what we do both in our bedroom and in the backroom.  With these friends we talk about new sex toys and tasty lubes.  We talk about where we shop for our club clothes and stiletto heels.  Often, we talk about what we did with our friends’ husbands and we laugh often!  When we are with our lifestyle friends, we plan lifestyle vacations and outings.  The more friends we meet while there, the better!  We have sleepovers and weekday excursions whenever possible.

Why are we swingers?  Because our lives have never been more fun or full!  It is like being a teenager all over again but without all the drama!  We dance and party until all hours of the night and whatever  we do on any given night is over when we walk out the door.  It becomes a fun memory to be rehashed over breakfast with our significant other the next morning.  There is nothing quite like sharing a naughty secret with your significant other!  The looks you give each other and the snickers between the two of you are priceless.  You become partners in crime and it does wonders for a relationship.

The lifestyle is all about fun!  So the next time someone discovers you are a swinger and they ask why, I would ask them “why not?!”

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The Bliss lifestyle cruise is getting ready to set sail. Are you ready?

Woman on a lifestyle cruise wearing Partners ID jewelry
Woman on a lifestyle cruise wearing Partners ID jewelry

 

 

 

 

Bliss Cruise is getting ready to set sail in less than 2 weeks!  Are you ready?!

Many couples have signed up for and have spent months getting ready for what should prove to be a very memorable cruise.  What could be more exciting than planning for a fun filled week on a beautiful ship with so many like minded adults?  Thoughts of days spent lounging around a spectacular pool with other sexy couples, delicious food and drinks galore are enough to get anyone in party mode indeed.

Lifestyle cruises have become extremely popular both with swingers and naturists.  The swingers love it because it allows them to be both nude and enjoy swinging with other couples.  The naturists love it because of the clothing free option these ship allow.

What could be missing from this very sexy image?

The ability to know at first glance who the swingers are.  That brings us back to the same old question swingers have been asking for years:  how can we know which people to approach?  As people in the lifestyle know, naturists are not swingers and do not appreciate being hit on.

So how can we distinguish swingers from naturists?

What could be easier than wearing a necklace, bracelet, anklet, earrings or even a temporary tattoo, to let others know that you are there to party?  If you already own a piece of Partners ID jewelry, don’t forget to pack it!  If not, you might want to order yours now so you will have it in time for the cruise!  Planning to visit Trapeze before sailing?  Our jewelry is for sale there as well.

All of our jewelry is high quality and designed with an active lifestyle in mind.  The pedant (and most of the jewelry) is constructed of stainless steel so it is ok to get it wet!  The idea is to have fun and know who else is on the same page without having to ask!

Bon Voyage!

You still have time to order!  Visit our online store here:  https://www.swingersjewelry.net/jewelry-for-swingers/

 

 

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Halloween in the lifestyle; why wearing a costume could help make your night the best ever!

Sexy swinger dressed for Halloween with Partners ID necklace
Sexy swinger dressed for Halloween with Partners ID necklace

Boo!

Today is Halloween!  What are you planning to dress up as this year?  A policeman, Little Red Ridinghood maybe a schoolgirl?

People frequently ask us what we will be dressed as for Halloween.  Naturally our answer is always the same; swingers of course!  No, we are not party poopers and we have come up with some pretty clever costume ideas over the years.  What we have noticed, is that there are many people who take this opportunity to dress up in a way that makes them unrecognizable to others.  We believe that there is a reason they do this.
Some people in the lifestyle are extremely outgoing and have no problem approaching other couples.  Every chance they get, they mingle and flirt and generally know most of the people at any  party by the end of the evening.  Then there are others who are too shy or insecure to approach other couples.  This holiday is the perfect opportunity for them to come out of their shells by hiding behind a costume.
Think about it, if you are wearing a mask and people cannot identify you, do you not feel bolder?   If you approach a couple and you are wearing a mask, chances are they will be very friendly because they are not sure whether or not they know you.  This is exactly what we have observed occurring every Halloween.  There are always a few couples wearing the kind of costume that makes it impossible to guess who they are.  It is very possible that some of these masked guests are new to the lifestyle. They are taking the opportunity to visit a swing club and remain anonymous.

Whatever the case, if you are one of those “shy” people, perhaps this is the perfect time for you to take advantage and go after what you want!  There are women in the lifestyle who always wear a wig when they are at a lifestyle event.  They claim they have more confidence because people do not recognize them and they like it that way.  Costumes are also a good conversation starter.  Complimenting others on how clever they are or how perfect their costume is makes it easy to open the dialogue.  Once you have begun a conversation it is easy to introduce yourselves and ask the other couple questions about themselves.

 The other interesting part of dressing up for Halloween is noticing costume choices.  I cannot help but observe that some of the quieter more shy couples take advantage of this holiday by wearing outrageous costumes.  Some choose the very provocative, sexy costumes.  Many of the timid girls tend to go for the slutty look and the men frequently focus on calling attention to their genitals in one way or another.  It always makes me wonder if they wish they could be more sexually open on regular lifestyle nights.
Even the play areas during Halloween seem busier than usual.  Many couples keep their masks on, and again, seem more determined than usual, to go after what they what.  Somehow, the use of masks in the play area is reminiscent of the movie Eyes Wide Shut ( a 1999 erotic drama film) starring Tom Cruise.
Whatever the case may be, whatever your costume of choice, tonight is the night to be bold and go for what you want.  Costumes allow us all the freedom to be someone else for an evening.  What could be more liberating than that?www.s
Don’t forget to wear your lifestyle jewelry so even though others might not recognize you, they will recognize your jewelry!  Find it here:  https://www.swingersjewelry.net
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A unicorn explains why she is in the lifestyle and what she is looking for.

 

 

 

Unicorn wearing Partners ID jewelry
Unicorn wearing Partners ID jewelry

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

This blog was written for Partners ID by Kennedy M., a single woman in the lifestyle.

Most swingers prefer to keep the fact that they are in the lifestyle to themselves.  At times it can be challenging, especially when we find ourselves in situations that are hard to explain.  Imagine how hard it would be for vanilla people to wrap their minds around a unicorn!

Not long ago, while taking notes in a board room for an important client, I received an email with a subject line that said it was an important message from Joe (a close friend’s name).  I was busy and did not look at the return email address.  As soon as we took a break for a few minutes I scrolled down and clicked on it.  To my surprise there was a close up picture of a black man’s dick.  Before I could click delete, a male coworker was standing behind my chair asking if that was my new boyfriend.

When I am not blogging about my lifestyle experiences I have a job that is quite vanilla; complete with meetings in board rooms and client lunches.  For obvious reasons, I do not discuss my private life where I work.  When colleagues ask what I did over the weekend, I usually tell them, “The usual; a movie, some dinner” etc.  The company I work for would be horrified if they really knew how I spend my weekends.

I am a unicorn, a single girl in the swinger lifestyle, for those who do not know the term.

When I started swinging, I was not alone.  My boyfriend and I spent at least two night each week in our local swing club.   I was very much in love with my boyfriend and was heart broken when he ended it with little explanation.

I am not soured by this nor do I hate men.  Right now, I am wary of putting my heart out there again in fear that I will find myself in the same situation.

When I was finally ready to go back out after the breakup, I returned to a place where I felt very comfortable in the past.  My former boyfriend and I were swing club rats and spent at least two nights a week in our local establishment.  We had a nice circle of lifestyle friends, many of whom had reached out to me after the break up.

My first night out alone was a little bit scary.  Naturally, I was unsure how I would be received by some of the women.  Although I knew I was not looking to intrude on anyone’s relationship, would other people know that?  I had never really known any unicorns but had heard some women speaking poorly of them in the past.  The last thing I wanted was for people to think I had some ulterior motives for spending time in a swing club.

For the most part, the women were happy to see me and welcomed me with open arms.  One or two seemed a bit uncomfortable with all the attention the men lavished upon me (which I in no way sought out but as most unicorns will admit, it is hard to avoid).

The first few times I went to the club I felt a little awkward.  I needed people to make me feel like I belonged there.  It didn’t take long for couples (some I knew, some I did not) to ask me to join them in the back room.  After a period of time I started receiving invitations to parties.  Then men started asking me to accompany them to the club when their wives were out of town.   Although I do know other unicorns who have no problem with this, I have always declined the offers.   Whereas I knew why I was there, I wasn’t sure others understood why I chose to make a swing club my night life of choice.  It was hurtful when I overheard women asking each other what exactly I was looking for.

I will tell you “what I was, and still am, looking for.”  I love to dance, I love to dress sexy and I love to have fun.  I like to meet new people and I love to have sex; both with men and with women.  I like the comfort and the warmth of the lifestyle.  It’s a great place to go to as you do not need a date, or to make plans with others.  You just show up and hang with the people who are there.  You can spend an amazing night, have great sex and kiss the other people goodnight.  I can go home and sleep alone in my bed.  Nobody to answer to.  I can stay until 12 midnight or go home at 4am.  I can do what I want with no strings attached.

If I am looking for some one on one time, there are always single guys who are more than willing to spend the evening with a unicorn.  The best part is, I do not have to be alone with them.  We can choose a private room to play but I am not in a scary situation with a stranger.  If I want to be with a couple, no problem.  If I want a gang bang, that’s my choice.  The best part for me is that I leave alone.

I am not looking for a boyfriend, husband or anything else; just a good time.  That’s it, that’s all.  Obviously I cannot speak for every unicorn as we are all individuals.  Over time I have gotten to know a few who spend time in this swing club. We are definitely not all on the same page.  Personally, I will not go into the back room with someone else’s husband if she is not in the club to approve.  Most of the other girls have no problem with that.

I  will not date a married man with or without the wife’s permission.  I will only play with someone’s husband if she is present, but even then, I prefer to make it a threesome.  Most unicorns I have met don’t really have any rules.  They are out for themselves and offer no apologies for what they do.  They prefer to be alone for a variety of reasons and although they love the attention they get in the clubs, for the most part, they are not looking for anything more than a good time.

I have tried to imagine how I would feel if there was a unicorn around when my boyfriend and I were together at the club.  We did not really know of any at that time so it is hard to say.  If unicorns are respectful of other’s relationships then there should never be a problem.  I would suggest making sure that if you choose this route you pay a lot of attention to the women.  If you are flirting with their husband and ignoring them, this will be a problem for sure.  Since you have no one to offer to them, you must flirt with them as a couple.  Always try to put yourself in the woman’s shoes and ask yourself how you would feel if the situation were reversed.

Unicorns are a great addition to the lifestyle if they understand the rules of the game.  Some think they are the stars of the club because they get a lot of attention.  Perhaps it would be better to just think of yourself as another component to the lifestyle.  Although we bring an added element to the lifestyle, the lifestyle could easily exist without us.

Nobody ever asks what single men are looking for in the club.  Why the double standard?  It seems a question I hear often regarding unicorns.   Perhaps it would surprise people to hear that I am looking for sex just like they are.  It just so happens tothat I prefer the no strings attached variety.  I don’t want you to call me in the morning.  Really, I don’t.  More often that not, I also don’t want to play with you again.  It was fun once but I am not looking to repeat the experience regardless of how awesome it might have been.  I am not looking for you to cuddle with me or tell me how beautiful I am.  Please do not tell me about your problems and I will not bother you with mine.  The truth is, I don’t really care, I just want to enjoy my night out.

I do like to try new things and am very open minded.  Sometimes that seems to make some women feel  a little threatened.  I am not a slut or a whore because I am a sexual person.  When I was in a relationship I did not feel as free to explore things as I do now.  Perhaps that is why it is hard for you to relate, but that doesn’t really give you the right to judge.

People have asked me many times why I am not out looking for someone of my own.  It is a valid question but again, I am enjoying being by myself.  When I am ready to be in a relationship, I can assure you I will not be fishing for someone in a swing club.  Perhaps one day I will meet a nice single guy at a lifestyle event but who knows.  For now, I am very happy to be a unicorn and have no plans to change that any time soon.

 

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The #Me Too movement and the lifestyle; what’s the connection?

Woman sad about Me Too

 

 

Not long ago, when the Me Too movement started to gain steam, I started asking my female friends and relatives if they felt they were victims of some type of sexual misconduct in their lives.   The Me Too movement is for women to come forward and say that they have been a victim of sexual misconduct. Sadly, each woman questioned felt they were victimized at some point.  The interesting thing about this, is that I asked men if anyone could ever come forward and point a finger at them.   Each and every man said absolutely not. 

As we watch the latest news involving Supreme Court nominee Brett Kavanaugh, it reminds me of my Me Too experience.  There was an incident in college when I was a freshman. I went out on a date with a senior.  Having met him in a bar with a group of friends, I obviously did not really know him. 

After a few drinks he said he wanted to stop at his apartment before heading out for dinner.  As soon as the door to his apartment was closed, he pushed me against the wall and started kissing me.  The way he pushed me felt very aggressive and immediately sent up red flags that this might be a bad situation. I tried to push him away and asked him to stop but he persisted.  Long story short, he was tearing at my clothing and trying to force himself on me when, thankfully, his roommate walked in and he stopped.  I was able to gather my things and run out the door. 

Brett Kavanaugh has denied the allegation of sexual misconduct.  This makes me wonder if the guy who did this to me would remember this particular event.  My guess is he would not.  This incident from many years ago left a life long impression on me, yet if he heard my name, I am certain he would deny ever having met me.

This guy from college  would probably even be able to pass a lie detector test.  As it was not traumatic for him, it probably isn’t worth remembering.  Had this not happened, I would probably not remember him either.

Men who behave in this way generally do not think they have done anything wrong.  A perfect example is Bill Cosby and Harvey Weinstein.    There are 158 women combined accusing the two of them of sexual misconduct. Both deny any wrong doing   Is it possible that they simply never imagined this could be considered sexual misconduct?  Maybe they actually believe they are entitled to this type of behavior because they are famous, rich or simply because they are men.

How does this tie into the lifestyle?  Interestingly enough, it does.  In the lifestyle, there is so much respect towards women that we cannot compare this to the vanilla world.  (Funny that we call everyone who is not in the lifestyle vanilla…they certainly don’t behave that way.)   There are so many provocative situations, sexy and naked women all mixed with alcohol in most swing clubs.  One might worry it could be a very dangerous situation.  Sure, on the rare occasion there will be a trouble maker, but it is very rare.  Men in the lifestyle are usually total gentlemen.  They have figured out how to have all the sex they  want without having to attack women to get it.  If they are kind, clean and respectful they are pretty much assured that they will find women to play with.  

It is very hard to understand why people still pass judgement on swingers.  Swingers have proven themselves to be open, honest and respectful of each other.  No woman I have ever spoken with in the lifestyle has ever voiced concern about her safety in a lifestyle setting.  Not at a hotel walking around naked by herself, not in the playroom or bathroom of a swing club, not attending a private swinger party with a bunch of strangers, not in any type of swinger situation.  

What is the take away of all this?  Swingers are not hypocrites.  They love sex and they admit they love sex. Perhaps if people were more open and honest about sex, these things would not happen as often as they do now.  If men wanted to have more sex than their wife or girlfriend wanted, they could simply work out a way for both people to be fulfilled. 

If men had an open door to engage in sex, in a club filled with willing women, would they still resort to such tactics?  Perhaps for some, there is that element of power, which is really a fetish.   I’m quite certain with all the different venues available within the lifestyle, they could find something to fulfill that fantasy as well.

I applaud the Me Too movement for putting their foot down and demanding justice for these types of crimes. It would be great  to see some truthful conversations come from this as well.  Sex is a part of human nature and perhaps if we are able to speak about it, we could learn more.  As long as we make sex so secretive and taboo it is bound to create problems.

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The lifestyle can be difficult for new swingers to navigate. Where should they start?

 

Couple looking to swingm

The lifestyle can be difficult for new swingers.  Where should they start?

Swinging used to be relatively easy for new couples to navigate.   The internet was not yet born.  Those who were looking to swing had to find ads in magazines or learn by word of mouth.  Naturally, swing clubs were pretty much the only place you could go to find a group of swingers.  Meet and greets and private parties were very difficult to find.  These were not things people were advertising in magazines.  There were no real choices to be made when it came to swinging.  If you wanted to see what it was all about, you would head out to a swing club.

With the popularity of the internet, this has all changed.  It is easy to look up swinger events, clubs and venues online. This, however, does not mean it is easy to figure out how to begin your swinging career!  Every blog you read tells you something different.  Some say online dating sites are the best while others say steer clear of them.  Some writers recommend visiting a swingers resort while others say that is a terrible introduction to swinging.

On your first night it will benefit you to be content to sit back and observe.

Every swinger was at one time new to the lifestyle, or in swingers terms a “newbie”.   The first time we went to a swing club, the manager gave us a tour.  When he was finished, we were left inside to fend for ourselves.  It was the first time I had ever felt like the two of us were one person.  Although we were together, we were actually alone.

We looked around the club and it felt like everyone knew each other.  There were clearly a bunch of different cliques of people.  As we sat and watched, we wondered how we would ever meet people.  It felt like everyone seemed to belong, except for us.  After assessing the situation (and throwing back a few shots), we got up the nerve to dance.  People on the dance floor smiled at us and one couple even came over and asked us if we were new.  Is it that obvious, I wondered?  We said we were and they introduced themselves.  With that, a couple they knew walked over and they turned their attention to the other couple. Since this was our first time at a swing club, we were content to just observe the crowd and go home early.

On your second visit you will have a better idea of how the club works; this will make it more comfortable.

A few weeks later, we decided to try it again.  This time I knew how to dress and what to expect.  That made a big difference in the way we handled ourselves when we walked in.   First of all, we decided to get there early so it was not very busy when we arrived.  We went right to the bar and got our drinks.

We looked around to see if we could find the couple that had introduced themselves to us on the dance floor, but they were not there.  There was a couple sitting on a couch by themselves so we walked over and asked if we could sit.  They were very friendly and seemed happy to meet a new couple.  We were not looking so much to swing with them, as we were looking to meet people to talk to.

Soon, the couch was filled with couples they knew, and they introduced us to them.  Just like that, on our second night in this swing club we had met about ten couples.  This is a very easy way for newbies to be introduced to swingers and the lifestyle.  Most of the couples we met that night were regulars at this club.  This meant that when we decided to return for another night, chances are, at least a few of them would be there so we wouldn’t have to be alone.

A swing club allowed us the opportunity to see what it was all about while taking it at our own pace. We did not feel any pressure to do anything that was out of our comfort zone.  Nobody was counting on us to make the night a success.  The club environment allows you the freedom to arrive and leave on your own schedule (unlike private parties, where people are counting on you). When we did not feel comfortable talking to a couple we simply left to dance or excused ourselves to get another drink.  People were both friendly and respectful.

Don’t rush the process, make sure you are both ready before you take the next step.

Nothing causes a couple to fail at swinging more than when one person is pushing the other to do something that makes them uncomfortable.  It is normal to get caught up in the excitement of the lifestyle but it is important to always consider your partners feelings.  If you would like to continue in the lifestyle with your partner, always keep this in mind.

Eventually, you will both be ready to take it to the next step.

When we felt ready, we took it to the next step all on our own.

What about meet and greets; are they a good place for newbies to start?

Some people feel that meet and greets are full of swingers who all know each other and are not looking to meet new people.  This is where I wholeheartedly disagree. Most swingers I know actually choose to go to meet and greets purely to meet new swingers. If they were not looking to meet new people, they would simply go to a swing club where the regulars are.

Meet and greets are designed to give couples who are new to the lifestyle, or new to the area, a chance to meet other swingers. Some of the couples we have met at meet and greets are swingers who do not like swing clubs and are looking for couples to invite out privately. This can be good or bad. If the couple are seasoned swingers, you might want to let them know you are new and are looking to take swinging step by step. The good thing about couples who are not new to the lifestyle is that they can help you navigate the whole process. The bad thing is, they might want you to move faster than what is comfortable for you. Communication is always very important in any swinging situation.

Lifestyle resorts and expos, would newbies feel comfortable in these environments?

Lifestyle expos and resorts can be a lot of fun, but if you are new to the lifestyle and just looking to see what it is all about, these types of venues can seem a bit hard core. Both are a lot of fun for swingers, but if swinging is new to your couple, these environments can be intimidating. Most people who attend conventions or go on swinging vacations are not new to the lifestyle. They have a limited amount of time and want to make the most of the vacation. At the last expo we attended, by the time we arrived (which was only few hours after it started), the party was in full swing with many couples already naked in the pool enjoying themselves. It was fine with us, but if we were newbies, it would have felt a little intimidating.

What about a swinger cruise?

Swinger cruises are also a wonderful vacation for those in the lifestyle but perhaps not the best place for new swingers to start. The biggest problem with a cruise for your first introduction to the lifestyle, is that you cannot walk away if you do not like it. Of course you do not have to swing, but the majority of people who choose a lifestyle cruise, do so, because they are looking to swing.

We see that we can sign up on a swinger dating site for a private party…

Some people who are new to swinging might think a private party would be an easy way to meet other swingers. After all, there are usually less people at a party than a club, so it is easier to talk to others. While this may be true, most private parties are for real swingers. When you attend a private party, people usually think if you are there, it is to play. Why else would you attend? For that reason, it is probably not the best place to start, unless you think that you want to swing your first night out, which is usually not the best idea.

How about trying to meet couples on swinger dating sites?  This seems easy…

Swinger dating sites are also great for swingers but may not be the best avenue for new swingers to take when trying to meet other couples. It can be difficult to navigate these sites when you are new to the lifestyle. Looking at photos (which frequently are not very current) and reading ages (again, not always honest) and profiles can be misleading. Trying to meet up with couples who cancel at the last minute or don’t respond to your emails can be frustrating. New swingers might take it personally while seasoned swingers have learned it is not personal. Many swingers also know what to look for when checking out online sites, while newbies do not. This can cause them to have a negative first experience.

So what’s the bottom line?  We are new to the lifestyle and would like to test the waters.

For these reasons, I  recommend to new swingers that the best place to start would probably be at a meet and greet. If you are lucky, you might meet another new couple and the four of you can venture out to a swing club together to get a feel for the lifestyle. Swing clubs sometimes also host meet and greets from time to time and this is even better. These events mix new swingers with those already in the lifestyle. This gives those who are new, a chance to see a swing club.   It also allows them the opportunity to meet both new and old swingers. It gives you the freedom to come and go as you please. Nobody expects anything from you. You can choose to sit back and observe or you can jump in and join the party.

The most important thing for new swingers is to communicate.

Whatever you decide for your first swinging experience, make sure to communicate with your partner both before you go and while you are there. Before making the decision to play with another couple, it is crucial that you decide this as a couple. If one person is not ready, it will only lead to disaster and very likely will stop your swinging career before it ever begins. The lifestyle is a wonderful thing if handled properly. Your partner must always be made to feel like your number one priority. You cannot enter a swinger environment and leave your partner to fend for themselves or to follow your every lead. Swinging must be done as a joint venture, especially at the beginning, to ensure success.  https://www.swingersjewelry.net/communicate/

The most important thing to remember is that this is supposed to be fun! If one of you is not having fun, then perhaps you need to back up and figure out why someone is not happy. Swinging is not for everyone and it will not work if one person is doing it for their partner. Again, communication is the key to success in the lifestyle.

Don’t forget to wear our lifestyle jewelry!

Wearing our lifestyle jewelry is another way to meet swingers.  Sold only through lifestyle sites and venues.  The jewelry allows you to be discreet yet will let other swingers know that you, too, are in the lifestyle.  Perfect for nights out in bars and clubs that don’t cater to swingers.  You’ll be surprised how quickly you will meet other swingers!  https://www.swingersjewelry.net/jewelry-for-swingers

Follow our blog for great stories from other swingers who have met each other simply because they were wearing our jewelry! https://www.swingersjewelry.net/lifestyle-2/

Good luck and have fun!

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Injections to help men combat erectile dysfunction; are they commonly used in the lifestyle?

Man using injections to get an erection
Sexy man in his underwear with Parnters ID necklace

At this point in time, everyone has heard of the medications to help men suffering from ED (erectile dysfunction).  The two most popular being Viagra and Cialis, although there are quite a few others out there.  We have all seen the ads on tv. There is the one with the couple in separate bathtubs (what is that about?) and the other with a  sexy woman with her come hither look to tout the drugs.

These drugs for erectile dysfunction have been on the market for many years now and it is probably safe to assume that the majority of men in the lifestyle (and perhaps out) have tried it at least one time.  It is probably also safe to assume that many men in the lifestyle have come to rely on these drugs when attending swing parties or lifestyle events. If you were to question the men about using these medications, they would tell you that they have no difficulty getting an erection, they just want to be sure there won’t be any problems.

It is really no secret that this is a huge issue for any man and for that, ladies, we must try to show compassion.  Let’s face it, we do not have the same pressures that men face when it comes to sex.    If we are not feeling it, we can still have sex.  Of course, we can also fake it;  both our desire and our orgasms, but when men have sex, they have to show up completely, every single time.

That can’t be easy.  Men also have reasons that they might not be in the mood, but once they commit to heading into the back room of a swing club or upstairs to a bedroom at a private party they better figure out how to achieve lift off!

You can hardly blame them for their desire to use ED medications.  Although they still have to become sexually aroused for the drug to work, it is much easier and the drug will take it from there.  That takes a lot of pressure off and men say they can enjoy the atmosphere more without the worry.  The nice part of these drugs is they work when you are ready for them and they still allow men to achieve orgasm.  Women can not really be sure if a man has taken it or not.

So what about this injectable drug?  What’s this about?  Men will actually stick a needle into their penis to get an erection?  Apparently some will.

This drug is called Caverject Impulse (which to me sounds like cadaver and dead bodies are hard…).  It is a serum which is injected directly into the penis.  It works by relaxing certain muscles in the penis and widening blood vessels, which increases blood flow to the penis and helps to cause an erection.   When used as directed by a physician, the erection should last about 30 minutes.

Hmm.  Seems that the men who are using it recreationally are using more than the recommended dose as their erections can last for 2-3 hours.

It is easy to spot men who are using injections.  The next time you visit the back room of a swing club notice the men who arrive in the back room with a raging hard on.  Usually they will be fondling themselves as this is necessary to get the drug working.  These are the men who are having lengthy conversations with people while their dicks are fully erect.  They walk to the bar for a drink and when they return, they are still erect!  It is pretty comical to watch, especially because they think nobody knows.

Here’s the interesting part.  Having researched this topic quite a bit, it seems women do not like this drug quite as much as men think they do.  Women prefer a natural hard on which is caused by her partner’s attraction to her and her touch.   She does not really have the desire to have sex for 2 or more hours, especially when she discovers you will not climax.  When you read what women have written on this subject it is hilarious.  Some talk about how after 30 minutes their minds wander to other things such as their grocery list, an upcoming doctor’s appointment, open school night, etc.  Others say that when they know their partner is planning to inject himself, she works doubly hard to make sure they find another couple to play with so it can be the other woman’s problem.

Perhaps men should consider how they would feel if the woman they were playing with did not climax.  Most men seem to get pleasure out of bringing their female partner to orgasm.  They think they would enjoy it if a woman was never ready to call it quits; that she would want to play for hours.  Are you sure? I’m not sure how many men are up to that task…

These medications were not designed for recreational use.  There are long term side effects from the injections that men would probably rather not know about.  As for drugs like Cialis and Viagra, these seem more acceptable to women as they allow men to function more normally.   They can be taken as little as 30-60 minutes before sex so for most men this is a good option.  Again, some men become psychologically dependent on these drugs to perform in swinger environments so if you can avoid getting started with them, it’s probably better.

The truth is, women know that men can have issues with performance and we know this is normal.  For men who are new to the lifestyle, having to perform while others are watching can be extremely intimidating.  It is not always easy for women to stay focused either, it’s just not as apparent.  Perhaps if men could approach this moment differently they would have less problems.  Instead of rushing into the back room and trying to get started immediately, men might benefit from relaxing and trying to focus on the woman they are with.  Block out the rest and concentrate on being with this one person.  And quite honestly, if it doesn’t happen it is ok too.  You can still enjoy each other and wait for next time…

 

Check here to see our newest lifestyle jewelry! Stop wondering, start playing!  https://www.swingersjewelry.net/jewelry-for-swingers/

 

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“How do I get my wife into swinging” seems to be the most frequently asked question on the forums.

Swinging couples wearing Partners ID Jewelry
Swinging couples wearing Partners ID Jewelry
It seems every swinger forum on the internet has the same question regarding swinging:  a man asking how to get his wife into swinging.  One of the things that men must do when their wife is opposed to the idea, is to try to understand why.
 First of all, swinging is not for everyone.  Secondly, swinging is a process and a big part of this process has to do with the man.  It is very important to try to discover what it is about swinging that scares her.  For many women, one very big problem is body image.  Having been in a comfortable relationship with her husband and perhaps having had children, her body may not have been a priority for many years.  The thought of having to go out and “compete” for male attention could be scary for her.  The thought of taking off her clothing in front of strangers is hard to imagine.  We met a man recently who told us he knew his wife would never agree to step foot in a swing club.  Instead of pursuing it, he suggested they learn how to box, that it was something he had always been interested in and wanted to do it with her.  She agreed.  After six months he could see how much more confident she was with her body and encouraged her to buy something sexy to wear.  It was then that he told her he wished he could take her out somewhere in that dress and show her off.  A few days later he told her he had seen something about a swing club online and would love to just go and see it.  He told her it would be the perfect place to wear her new dress.  Guess what?  She agreed and they are now regulars in the club.
For some people, entering the lifestyle can bring back memories of high school days.  When you get married, you stop looking for someone because you have someone.  Many people are not sure they want to be back in the “dating scene” at this stage of their life; they thought that was behind them.  Perhaps that was not an easy time for them and it’s not something they want to revisit.  For some women, it could be the thought that you might find someone “better” than her.  It would seem logical to me that when you first bring up the topic of swinging, your wife will want to know why you want to do this.  How you handle this could be the difference between getting her to try and abandoning the idea entirely.
For many couples there are different stages that precede swinging.  Many couples have been watching porn together and fantasizing about what some of the situations they see would be like for them.  They experiment with toys and positions, some even go to strip clubs together.
Rather than asking her flat out about swinging, perhaps talking about who and what she fantasizes about while you are having sex would be a good start.  Encourage her to understand that it is normal to have fantasies and that it turns you on to hear about hers.  When she gets to the point that she’s comfortable with this conversation maybe then it is time to suggest that seeing these types of scenarios would be so hot for both of you.  Tell her you read or heard about swinging and thought it would be fun to just check out a swing club; just the two of you.  If she feels no pressure she might surprise you and be willing to make a fun evening out of it.  The most important thing to remember is to do what you say.  If you tell her just a fun evening with no pressure, make sure that is all it is.
The hardest part for most couples is getting the unwilling partner into a club for the first time.  Most couples are surprised at how comfortable they felt and that it was nothing like they had imagined.  Going step by step and reassuring her that it is not for yourself but for the two of you as a couple is crucial.  Try to keep in mind any reasons that she has given you for not wanting to try a swing club.  If she has poor body image, tell her how beautiful and sexy she is.
 When you finally get her to agree to go to a swing club, make sure you pay attention to her when you are in the club.   Don’t let her feel like you are checking out every beautiful woman in the club or it will reinforce any insecurities she might have regarding swinging.  If you do have a chance to talk to other couples, make sure she feels that you have her back.  Hold her hand, play with her hair, do whatever it takes to make her feel special.  The better she feels about herself and her relationship with you when you are at the club, the more likely she will want to return.   Taking the time to help her to overcome her misgivings about swinging will pay off big time in the end.
The couples who remain in the lifestyle for a long time are the couples who entered the lifestyle slowly.  They did not rush to play with other couples right away and did not pressure their partners into doing things they were not comfortable with.
 If a man is truly interested in getting his wife into swinging, patience is a must!
Be sure to check out our new pieces of lifestyle jewelry!  Many are one of a kind and will not be reproduced!
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