When vanilla friends become a little too nosy…

Vanilla women

How many times have your vanilla friends (for those of you who still have them) wanted to know where you were going and with whom?  It seems whenever you tell vanilla friends you have other plans, they become curious.  Especially if it happens on a regular basis. 

When we first started making excuses for being unavailable to our vanilla friends, my husband and I would joke how ‘mom’ called.  It wasn’t either of our moms, it was a nosy vanilla friend.  Each conversation with her started with her asking what we did the previous weekend and with whom.

 Prior to entering the lifestyle we would make plans with friends on a regular basis, sometimes weeks in advance.  Saturday was usually spent at dinner or a movie.  

When we discovered strip clubs, we became less available or started ending nights out with friends earlier than in the past.  It was easy because strip clubs were better later at night.  When we discovered a swing club not far away, we became more and more unavailable over a short period of time.  

Our goal each week, was to keep Saturday night free so we could go to the club.  We even had a code name for the club so that nobody would know what we were talking about if they overheard our conversations.  Were we being paranoid?  I don’t think so, people really wanted answers! 

Over time, as we tried to force our vanilla friends to see us on Fridays. Not long after, we would only make ourselves available to them during the week.  At this point, some of our friends became suspicious.  We turned down invitations to just about every vanilla event we were invited to.  We had discovered swinging and that was all we wanted to do.  

As we made friends in the lifestyle, this group became our social life.  Sometimes we would meet at a restaurant before heading to the club.  This is when we discovered how difficult it was to have any privacy.  That’s right, going out to dinner with lifestyle friends became fodder for anyone who saw us.  It seemed not to matter how remote a restaurant we chose.  As luck would have it, we always seemed to run into someone we knew. 

Soon “mom” was back on the phone wanting to know who our new friends were.  The first time I got the call I was taken aback.  I tried to imagine how this was any of her business.  Since she had not actually seen us, I knew someone had told her. Then I tried to imagine why people were talking about us.  We do not live in a small town per se, but many people know each other.  Same schools, same churches,  temples, same after school activities, etc.  

So what made our lives suddenly so interesting that people were talking about us?  “Mom” casually mentioned that we seemed to be avoiding our old group of friends.  I pointed out that the previous week we had met them for dinner.  How could we be avoiding them if we saw them a few days ago?

It seems that making new friends, especially people that are from another town or city, raises eyebrows.  Suddenly “mom” was asking how we met them.  Don’t think  “mom” was the only person asking, she was simply the only one brave or nosy enough to confront me.

It made us wonder how much people really deserved to know.  Do we actually owe it to others to explain our whereabouts or our new friends?  Is it normal for “friends” to demand to know why you are not free to spend more time with them?

My husband and I had even considered telling one couple that was part of that group of friends about the lifestyle.  We thought they might be open to the whole idea of swinging.  After much thought, we decided against it.  If they were not open to it, we would be exposing ourselves and did not want to risk that.

The lifestyle resulted in our decision to completely remove ourselves from this former group of friends.  We soon realized that these people are very judgmental and if they were to discover the truth, we would no longer be friends.  Knowing this, we chose to drift away.

The question remained for us:  Why is it anyone’s business how we spend our free time?  Why must swingers always make up excuses so that they can do what they want?  Lying and making up stories and excuses is exhausting.  We are adults and should be free to live our lives without judgment.

For all of the nosy people out there:  stop worrying about what others are doing and with whom they are doing it.  We are forced to lie and sneak around to avoid judgment from people like you.  Don’t you have anything better to do?

The sad part is, many people in the lifestyle end up having to choose between the lifestyle and maintaining vanilla friendships.  Perhaps most people choose lifestyle friends simply because we have more in common with each other.  They also don’t judge or wonder what we are doing when we are busy with something else.

Bottom line, swingers do not owe anyone an explanation about how they spend their free time.  Where we go nights, weekends and on vacation is nobody’s business.  We have discovered a wonderful, carefree life in the lifestyle and have no plans to change this any time soon.  So butt out…

If you are looking for lifestyle jewelry you have come to the right place!  Check out our jewelry here: https://www.swingersjewelry.net/jewelry-for-swingers/

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Time Magazine claims “We Are Having So Little Sex,” I beg to differ…

Couple having sex wearing Partners ID swinger jewelry
In the back room of a swing club this past weekend, my husband and I squeezed into a very small spot on a mattress.  Not because the surrounding couples were of interest, but simply because it was the only free spot we could find. 

 I couldn’t help but wonder if the back room could be any more crowded.  Couples were everywhere, using every available space they could find.  Many couples simply played standing up, a few occasionally backing into an emergency exit and setting off the fire alarm door.  

This particular Saturday was not even a special night at the club.  SDC, Kasidie, SLS and Quiver tend to bring big crowds, but they were not in the house.  It was not New Years or Halloween.  It was just another Saturday night at Trapeze in Fort Lauderdale.

It seemed ironic to me because that same day I had come across an article in Time Magazine titled, “Why Are We All Having So Little Sex?”*

Clearly, the word all, does not include swingers.  We are not only having sex, it is standing room only!

Perhaps, once again, swingers are making a good argument for their decision to engage in consensual non-monogamy.  Sex, the way swingers are having it, is not boring or routine.  It is not an obligation, nor is it a game of wait and see who initiates.

Swingers are out of the house when they are looking to play and that might be one of the most important details.  Swing clubs promote sex as dessert.  People come in to eat dinner, have drinks, dance and finally head into the play area.  

Maybe one of the key aspects of swing clubs is that sex is not at home.  It is almost like checking into a hotel.  Even couples who have fallen into a rut at home are more likely to have sex in a hotel.  The scenery is different and there are less distractions.  Most importantly, the kids are not there.  

Couples make sure to clean up and dress smart.  Women want to be sexy and men want to look hot.  The whole process of getting ready is a part of the allure.  

At a swing club, sex is on the menu.  You can have it if you choose, if not, that’s ok too.  The temptation, like chocolate cake, is that it is available.  Right behind the closed doors is an oasis of naked bodies looking for some fun.  Just like the cake, maybe you will have just have a little taste or maybe, you’ll have it all!  

The point is, swingers have not let the ball drop on an important aspect of both their relationship with their significant other and their general well being.  Sex is good for you.  It is exercise, there’s no calories, no chemicals and they can’t do it with their smart phone or computer.  It is good old fashioned face to face (if that’s how you like it) contact with another person.  

You don’t hear couples in a swing club discussing whether or not they feel like having sex tonight.  What you might hear is with whom they would like to have sex.

Perhaps one of the issues regarding sex and long term relationships is not simply the routine of sex but the lack of desire you see from your partner.  The beginning of many relationships is marked by lust. You simply can’t get enough of your partner and they can’t get enough of you.  Sex is incredible and you want it constantly.  

When couples move in together the insatiable desire tends to wane.  We do everything we can to keep the flame burning but over time, life seems to get in the way.  You let your hair down and your partner does not always see you at your best.  

You might try new things in the bedroom but after a while, you run out of new things to try.  And let’s face it, although you love your partner, the excitement eventually dulls.

This is where swingers have it figured out.  If we swap partners, we all win.  Everyone gets to be with someone new and exciting.  The women and men are dressed to impress.  They are hoping to attract a new person to play with but at the same time, your partner is noticing you in a new way as well!

I remember the first night my husband and I decided to go to a swing club.   He looked amazing and I was wearing something way sexier than I had worn in years.  We barely made it to the club because we couldn’t keep our hands off of each other in the car.  

When couples break out of their routine and try something to ignite their sex lives, they might be surprised at the result.  Couples don’t swing because they no longer love their partners, it is the opposite.  They want to find that spark again.  Feeling beautiful, sexy and desirable is important for both men and women.  Swinging is a great way to reestablish those feelings. 

For many couples, swinging sounds like a bad idea.  They worry that their significant other will find someone new.  It is a common fear for newbies but this is not usually the case.  When couples enter the lifestyle properly and with the right intention, this is very uncommon. 

The real problem is for couples who are not having sex.  Even as we age and find ourselves in committed relationships, we are still human.  Humans are sexual beings and naturally crave sex.   

What happens when couples who no longer have sex are still looking for that validation that others find them attractive or desirable?  This can be a slippery slope.  Looking for validation in the wrong environment can lead to trouble.  This type of behavior often leads to cheating.

The take away?  It is natural for sex to become less exciting in a long term relationship but it is not natural to stop having sex. When I read the article asking, “Why are we having so little sex,” I am quite sure I said, “Not me” out loud.  

If you love your partner and are simply looking to spice things up between the two of you, swinging might be for you!  

*http://time.com/5297145/is-sex-dead/

Spotting other swingers is easy when you wear lifestyle jewelry.  See the collection here::  https://www.swingersjewelry.net/jewelry-for-swingers/

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Swinger dating site rejects; no validations for the dishonest!

Couple taking selfie for a swinger dating site
Couple taking selfie for a swinger dating site

 

 

 

Finding other couples to swing with can sometimes seem quite challenging. Swing clubs are a great way to meet other swingers but not everyone lives close enough to a club for this to be a viable option. For those who would like to find other swingers close to where they live, the internet offers many sites which are useful for swingers.

Swinger dating sites are a great tool for swingers. You sign up for a membership and it offers so much information that is helpful for both current swingers and for people looking to swing. The membership is not expensive but it is costly enough to prevent curiosity seekers from prying.

After signing up you are prompted to post photos of yourself and fill out a basic questionnaire. This will help other swingers to get to know more about you. This part of the process is very important. While it is normal to look through your photo albums to find the best possible pictures of yourself, make sure the pictures actually looks like you today. If the picture was not taken in the past few months, don’t post it. People don’t care what you used to look like, nor do they care that at a certain angle your photo makes you look 20 pounds thinner. They simply want to know what you really look like.

Once you have posted your new swinger profile, you are ready to start looking at other couple’s profiles. Perhaps you would like to try speed dating or look for a local public or private party in your area. For those who would like to try a swing club, most offer directories and reviews of clubs all across the US and Canada. The forums are a good resource to ask questions and get more information about swinging. Hopefully, you will be able to find what you are looking for by using this online site (or sites).

If finding other swingers on dating sites is so easy, why do people have difficulties when meeting others in person? It almost always comes back to the same reason: their pictures do not look like them. This is such a common problem that many swingers actually write on their profile that they prefer couples who do not look like their photos to please not contact them. Some profiles are less polite about it and they write things like: If you show up and you don’t look like your photos, we will leave.

It might seem harsh and even shallow for couples to be so adamant about people posting current photos, but we know first hand that people are serious about this problem. They are not afraid to walk away when someone misrepresents who they are.

We were in a swing club recently and witnessed a couple enter the club. They looked around and a couple sitting towards the back of the club waved to them. They looked at each other and slowly made their way over to the couple who had waved to them. You could tell by the look on their faces that something was wrong. They introduced themselves and sat down. The woman was very gracious and was talking to the couple but the man was looking all around the club and ignoring them. The two couples were very different. The couple who entered the club was probably in their late 40s to early 50s. The couple who waved them over were at least 10 to 15 years older than them. The younger couple was in good shape and dressed very chic, while the older couple was neither. The older couple was both overweight and not quite fashion-forward.

We watched them for a few minutes and left for the dance floor. Not long after, the younger couple appeared on the dance floor. When we went back to our seats, they followed us and sat down next to us. The man excused himself to go and pick up their drinks, which they left sitting on a table with the older couple they had met earlier. The woman explained that they had met them online and sure enough, their pictures were completely misleading. She pulled out her phone and showed us the pictures the older couple has on their profile. Not only did I question if the pictures were even of this couple but they claimed to be in their late 40s, which is absolutely impossible.

This is a perfect example of why posting old photos or shaving years off of your age does not work. Sure, it makes for a great profile and perhaps maybe people will contact you, but what happens when you have to meet someone in person?

I initially felt sorry for the older couple as they looked disappointed and rejected. When I said something, the couple who sat down with us pointed out that they were the ones who were disappointed and annoyed. They had changed their plans to accommodate this couple and it was a complete waste of their time. Had they known what this couple really looked like, and known their true age, they would have known they were not compatible and would not have wasted their time meeting them. They felt the other couple was wrong for pretending to be something they are not.

What inspires couples to create such misleading profiles? Is it possible that they think they look like their old photos? Do they not notice the extra 20 pounds they have gained since they took that picture? Perhaps they are simply afraid that nobody will contact them if they are completely honest. Maybe, they think that at least this way, couples will meet them and they will have a chance to win them over with their bright smiles and quick wit. It is possible,

Whatever the reason for this, it is wrong. The whole point in posting photos and filling out profiles is to try to find couples who are a good match for each other. Just because you are attracted to certain couples, it does not mean they will be attracted to you. If your profile is honest, your chances of a successful rendezvous is much higher than if you are dishonest. Swinging should be fun! If you approach it in a positive honest way, it will be!

Here is a list of some swinger dating sites to check out ( in no particular order):

https://www.kasidie.com

https://www.ASNLifestyle

https://www.SDC.com

https://www.quiver.us

https://www.SLS.com

https://www.adultfriendfinder

https://www.swingtowns.com

http://www.mixingsexy.com

https://www.lifestylelocker.net

http://www.socialswinging.com

http://swingersuk.net

http://www.swingerzonecentral.com

https://www.fabswingers.com

https://swingular.com

https://lovevoodoo.com/

https://www.lifestylelounge.com

https://www.swingingheaven.co.uk

https://www.local-swingers.co.uk

https://www.swinger-nation.co.uk

This site is a wonderful tool to research swing clubs, complete with reviews from swingers:    http://www.sexparty.directory  

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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