Is it cheating if you arrange to meet an old boyfriend in a swing club?

 

Well, we did our research and were able to find our forum poster!  We reached out to her and here is her follow up!  If you recall, on the forum, people were debating whether or not this woman’s friend was technically cheating on her husband.

When Partners ID contacted me about an old forum post that I wrote 2 years ago, I was shocked!  They said that people are curious to hear what happened.  I am not much of a writer but this is an interesting (and true) story.  

This happened 2 years ago.  At the time, my husband and I spent most of our free Saturday nights at a swing club.   We became friendly with a couple that is about the same age as we are (early 40s).  Whenever we were at the club, we always hung out together.  Sometimes we would all play together in the playroom at the end of the night.   It is fair to say that we knew them fairly well.  I would speak to her during the week and sometimes we would meet for dinner and drinks before heading to the club on Saturdays.  

One Saturday evening, the four of us were sitting on a couch by the front door.  We were having drinks and laughing when we noticed the manager walk in with a new couple.  He was getting ready to give them a tour of the club.  I had spotted this couple on our way in as they were signing in as new members.  Anyway, when my friend sees them, she jumps up and tells the manager that she would be happy to give them a tour.  To say that this is out of character would be a huge understatement.  The manager gives tours often when we are in the club, and she has never  paid any attention to him.  

When she finished giving them a tour she invited them to come and sit with us.  I gave my husband a look but he said she was just being friendly.  I don’t think she said two words to me the rest of the time we were sitting with them.  She was completely flirting with him, excluding everyone else who was sitting there.  My husband and I felt weird so we moved on. Later that evening we went into the playroom but did not see them back there.  

The following weekend was the same scenario  only this time this man showed up with a different woman.  He walked into the club and without hesitation turned and sat down right next to my friend.  The woman he was with seemed very uncomfortable, as did my friend’s husband.  Early into the evening they were throwing back shots and dancing together.  Again, we got up and walked away.  At this point in time, we did question if my friend was technically cheating on her husband.

We did not see them for a few weeks.  The husband spoke with my husband and told him that it was an old boyfriend and it’s nothing to be concerned about.  We made plans to see them in the club that next weekend and I wasn’t sure whether or not her old boyfriend would show up again.  I did notice that the few weeks my friend and her husband were out of the club, the boyfriend was not there either.  

My husband said he thought if this guy showed up again I should make a play for him.  I did not think I could do something like this but the seed was planted. 

That evening, the four of us were dancing and enjoying the evening together.  Sure enough, the old boyfriend shows up on the dance floor with yet another new girl.  My friend, again, turns all of her attention to this guy and we walked off the dance floor.  We went back to grab our drinks but my husband did not want to leave her husband alone in this situation.  He begged me to flirt with this man but I tried to explain that it would only kill the friendship.  

When everyone returned to sit down, I emptied my drink and turned to the new guy.  I struck up a conversation with him asking him if he was new in the lifestyle and where he and his date met each other, etc.  He was actually very friendly and warm and I could see what my friend liked about him.  Trying to be playful, I touched his arm while I spoke and he seemed to enjoy it.  When I looked at my friend, she did not really seem concerned, which confused me.  Deep down, I really thought she would be mad.  

Long story short, the 6 of us ended up in the playroom that evening. My friend and I with her old boyfriend, the guys were with his date and it was so much fun!  There was a little bit of extra affection between the two but I suppose having history, it was expected.  

I met her for lunch that same week and we finally talked about it.  She assured me that she loves her husband and that seeing her old boyfriend became like a fantasy in her mind.  Although she did hope he would show up at the club,  no part of her wanted to leave her husband for him.  That weekend that we played with him was awesome and now she got it out of her system and could put it to rest.  

How’s that for a happy ending?  But that isn’t the end…

The boyfriend  continued to show up at the club every Saturday. My friend continued to pursue him when he was there.  We stopped hanging out with them but watched from a distance while she spent more and more time with him.  About 3 months later, our friends stopped coming to the club.  She never called me anymore so my husband reached out to her husband.   Her husband said he was tired of bringing her to the club so she could spend every Saturday with her old boyfriend while pretending it was normal.  He suspected she was meeting him during the week and hired a private detective.  Long story short, they are divorced.  

This was 2 years ago and happily her husband has found a wonderful woman. They are planning to get married in a few months.  I have not heard from her but her husband told us that she and the old boyfriend are no longer together.  A very unfortunate story!

Wishing you all the best!

Jennifer

To read the original forum post read here:  https://www.swingersjewelry.net/forum/swingers-talk/meeting-up-with-and-playing-with-an-old-flame-in-the-club-on-purpose/

Don’t forget to check out our lifestyle jewelry!  https://www.swingersjewelry.net/jewelry-for-swingers/

Digiprove sealCopyright secured by Digiprove © 2018

Are there any swingers in Hong Kong? The answer is yes, just ask this couple.

 

 

Couple living in Hong Kong wearing Partners ID jewelry

 

Dear Partners ID,

Nǐmén hǎo! This is hello in Cantonese. We are Lidia and Sam and we live in Hong Kong. We had to move for business a few years ago. We moved from California almost 2 years ago when my husband was offered a job he couldn’t turn down.

We have been in the lifestyle for the past 10 years and one of the hardest things about this move was leaving our friends. As you know, lifestyle friends are very special and we couldn’t wrap our minds around having to say good bye.

One of the first things we did after getting settled into our new home was to try to discover if swinging was popular in our area. Although we did see quite a few listings for swing clubs, we were nervous to take this route. My husband was new to the company and the last thing he wanted, was to run into someone he worked with.

We did take a chance online to try to meet others for an evening of play but that was not working out so well. After a few months we were getting antsy and very much wanted to play!

I had heard about your jewelry when we were still living in California and decided to order a few pieces for us to try. I purchased a necklace for my husband and a bracelet for myself and waited for them to arrive. I wasn’t really sure that anyone in Hong Kong would actually know what it meant but figured it couldn’t hurt!

I wear my bracelet most of the time but my husband prefers to wear his only when we go out socially. We went for dinner at a trendy restaurant one evening and when we were walking to our table, a woman grabbed my arm as we passed by. I looked down and she was holding a purse with your pendant on it! I was shocked! I never thought it would be this easy! They were with another couple and said they would stop at our table before they left.

Although this particular couple is not our style to play with, they are nice people who have helped us to navigate the lifestyle! They gave us all the information that we needed to meet other swingers and told us which clubs were the best in the area.

This was a few weeks ago and we have been invited to a party (through this couple) that we will attend this weekend. We just wanted to let you know that people in Hong Kong know the jewelry and it is pretty popular here!

Thank you! You really helped us!

Hugs and kisses,

Lidia and Sam

Digiprove sealCopyright secured by Digiprove © 2018

Swinging can sometimes be a beautiful expression of love.

Swinging couple in bed wearing Partners ID jewelry

 

 

Swinging can sometimes be a beautiful expression of love.  I have no doubt that when some people see this title and they are not in the lifestyle, it will conjure up an image of a 1960s love fest; something reminiscent of Woodstock.  This really could not be farther from my point.

I met a couple last night while at a swing club and speaking with them really opened my eyes to how love can play a part in swinging.  This couple met when they were kids and were married before they even graduated from high school.  They entered the lifestyle as a mutual decision because neither had ever had sex with anyone else and as a couple they were honest enough to express their curiosity.  

I don’t believe that most people can be this honest with their spouse.  If couples were able to have this level of honest communication, there would be a lot less infidelity and a lot more swingers!

This couple is adorable to listen to.  The woman told us that prior to the lifestyle, she had not realized that her husband was not only a good lover but he was well endowed!  She had nothing to compare him with prior to her first experience as a swinger.  He echoed a similar sentiment and it made me realize how swinging has really helped to elevate their relationship to a whole new level. 

This is an aspect of swinging that is lost to the vanilla world.  Without having these experiences, they cannot relate to the degree of honesty and trust that is needed to do this.  To have an honest conversation with your spouse about having a desire to have sex with someone else is not easy.  We all already know this, as we see time and time again on all of the forums, where newcomers are asking how to bring up the subject to their significant other.   Most people would be highly insulted and hurt to hear their partner admit that they would like to try having sex with someone else.  The initial reaction is to think something is wrong with you and that is why your partner is seeking something else.  The truth is, if your partner didn’t love and respect you, they would do what most people who are not in the lifestyle do, they would simply do it behind your back.  When your partner wants to include you in this, it is only because they love and respect you.  When done correctly, the lifestyle can bring couples closer than ever.   

Love and sex are both wonderful and when the two are not mutually exclusive, anything is possible.

Digiprove sealCopyright secured by Digiprove © 2018

Packing for Naughty in Nawlins? Don’t forget your lifestyle jewelry!

Well, it’s July and swingers know what that means!  It’s time for the biggest lifestyle event all year:  Naughty in Nawlins.  This event attracts pretty much all of the well known movers and shakers in the industry plus thousands of swingers looking to have a good time.  

The Lifestyle Awards take place during this event and that brings people from all over the world to witness and take part in.  The lifestyle  awards shine a spotlight on people who are working hard to make sure the lifestyle is understood and respected.

So what does this have to do with lifestyle jewelry, after all, everyone who attends is certainly a swinger!  This is true in terms of people who attend the parties and the vast majority of those people who are staying at the host hotel, but not quite in the city itself.

Naughty in Nawlins is a bit different from some of the other lifestyle events in that people spread out around the city to find their own adventures.  Now, you realize that not everyone in the city is a swinger or has any tolerance for people in the lifestyle.  So how will you be able to detect who is apart of the group?  Very simple, if you are wearing our lifestyle jewelry, it is simple for others to spot you and know you are part of the group.  

It is not uncommon to think someone is in the lifestyle by the way they act or dress but honestly, neither is a true indicator that the person is safe to approach.  When you spot someone wearing our pendant, you know with 100% certainty that you have found a swinger.

We designed the jewelry with swingers in mind.  We wanted something beautiful that could be worn on any part of your body, could be dressed up or worn when nude and would be easy to spot by others who know what to look for.  The design makes it too complicated to google the meaning so rest assured that others will never be able to investigate the meaning of the symbol.

It’s not too late to order now and have it in time for your trip!  

Stop wondering, start playing and have a great time

Check out the jewelry here: https://www.swingersjewelry.net/jewelry-for-swingers/

If you don’t see what you like, drop as an email, we custom design pieces at no additional cost.

Digiprove sealCopyright secured by Digiprove © 2018

You know you’re a swinger when…

Open-minded couples in bathrobes wearing Partners ID jewelry
Swingers in bathrobes wearing Partners ID jewelry

So you are in the lifestyle and have gotten your feet wet in the world of swinging.  It does not matter what “type” of swinger you are:  full swap, soft swap, etc., what matters is that now you are one of us!   It comes about slowly, but all of the sudden you have that aha moment when you realize you are truly part of the lifestyle.  This list points out things that are common among people who swing and if two or more apply to you, you are a swinger!

You know you’re a swinger when:

The names in your phone are couples with first names only (or they all have the same last name, which is the name of your swing club).

Your kids are coming to town and you have already forewarned them that you have important plans Saturday night that cannot be broken.  You have also scoured their rooms to make sure their sheets are clean and there are no condoms or toys in the drawers from your last sleep over guests.

You dress in your car and think nothing of the trucks passing by when you are buck naked on the highway.

You get dressed at home and wear a trench coat in the middle of summer to get out of the house.

You have a “secret” closet for your slut wear and hooker shoes.

When someone asks to see a picture that’s on your phone you hold the phone to show them.  You panic that they might scroll through some of the photos.

You have at least one screen name with some sexual  or provocative word in it.

There are nude photos of you somewhere.

You have lied to many friends about your where abouts on the weekend.

You have declined important vanilla social engagements to attend a swinger event.

You are married but have condoms in your house.

You have sex toys and lingerie and share both with your lifestyle friends.

You have told women you love their breasts and asked if you can feel them.

You see a couple and ask your partner if you have ever played with them.  (You can’t remember everyone!)

When you see an attractive couple, you point them out to your partner, even in vanilla settings.

You talk about the size of your partner’s penis, then your friends want to see it for themselves.

You would happily show your tattoos and piercings; even your clit ring.

When someone is talking about a Prince Albert you know it’s not a person.

You have to remember to pack a bathing suit when going to the beach with vanilla friends.

You tell your friends that you can’t see them this weekend because you have your period.

When you invite your lifestyle friends to your house, they are not interested in eating…

You have had sleepovers with your friends.

You share a stall with your friends in the restroom.

You have to make a conscious effort not to discuss sex with your vanilla friends.

You have to remind yourself that you cannot just strip off your clothing and jump into a pool at a vanilla party.

You have discussed another man’s penis with your husband.

Your husband has told you that another woman is good in bed.

You’ve had some sexual contact with your best (lifestyle) friends.

You have to remember to keep your clothing on when on a vanilla vacation.

Did you shake your head in agreement more than twice?  Chances are you agreed to many of these.  If you did, congratulations!  You’re a swinger!

Be sure to check out our lifestyle jewelry!  We’ve recently added some new and exciting pieces!  https://www.swingersjewelry.net/jewelry-for-swingers/

 

 

 

 

 

Digiprove sealCopyright secured by Digiprove © 2018

My name is Chris and I’ve been swinging for over 20 years.

Chris, who has been swinging for 20 years, sipping coffee wearing a Partners ID necklace
Man sipping coffe wearing Partners ID necklace.

My name is Chris and I have been swinging for over 20 years.  This is the first time I have ever met swingers without actually seeking them out either online or by attending a swinger’s event.

I often travel for business and my wife and I have an open marriage. What happens on the road, stays on the road and what my wife does while I’m on the road is all good. (I just want to hear all about it).

Recently my work took me to Boston, MA and while I have been there before, I never really thought of is as a place that would be riddled with swingers. Boston is a college town with so many young people that I never thought much about swinging when I visited in the past.

What set this trip apart was that my wife surprised me for our anniversary and bought me a beautiful gold and silver necklace from you, which of course has the pendant for swingers. I wear it everyday but never really expected to meet random swingers. Well, I was wrong on two accountants. First, Boston is a whole lot more than a college town, and second, you will meet random swingers when you wear the jewelry.

After spending the morning in a meeting, I needed to get some fresh air. I walked out to find a Starbucks so I could sit and answer some emails on my computer. I ordered some coffee, sat down at a table, and got to work. About 5 minutes after sitting down, a couple walked over and asked if they could sit at the table with me. I glanced up at them and told them no problem. We were sitting in a corner where we had relative privacy. Starbucks was busy and it was quite loud. I looked back down and started to type when I overheard the conversation between the couple. They were discussing their travel plans for an upcoming vacation to Miami and how they were excited to finally meet a couple they were talking to on SDC. As soon as I heard SDC I looked up and they were both looking at me. I didn’t say anything but the woman asked me if I was on SDC. I was taken aback but then she pointed to my necklace.

Honestly I couldn’t believe it! I took out my headphones and told her I was on SDC and assumed they were as well. She opened her bag, took out a card and handed it to me. She said she hoped to hear from me soon. With that, the two of the them got up from the table and left. I was so shocked I could barely believe what had just happened. How lucky to be in the right place at the right time!

Needless to say, i immediately signed on to SDC to check them out. They looked to be a very hot couple who are totally open so I sent them an email telling them I was only in town until the next day but would love to meet up with them. I got a response from them within a half an hour inviting me to their home that evening.

I won’t go into too much detail but I will say it was a wonderful experience that I would never have had if it were not for wearing your necklace. As you can see I have placed an order for a few more pieces. Although my new friends knew what the jewelry meant, they did not own the jewelry. As a thank you I have purchased these pieces for them.

I’m very excited for what I might experience in the future. We have been swinging for more than 20 years and nothing like this has ever happened to me before. This is a great help for swingers who like to meet others in unlikely places.

That’s my story!

Chris K.

Chicago, IL

Digiprove sealCopyright secured by Digiprove © 2018

Is the term “swinger” outdated and in need of an update?

Open-minded couples in bathrobes wearing Partners ID jewelry
Open-minded couples in bathrobes wearing Partners ID jewelry

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Is the term “swinger” outdated and in need of an update?

Welcome to 2018! This is the future that many of us imagined back when we were kids. For many of us, the future actually arrived on October 21, 2015. This is the date that Marty McFly travels to save his children, whom were yet to be born in “Back to the Future’s” 1985.  http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0088763/.

For many of us, we believed by now we would be living like the “Jetsons”  http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0055683/ , but so far, that has not come to fruition.

Perhaps all the fancy technology we had envisioned is not what makes the year 2018 as different as we imagined as children. We might not have accomplished the ability to fly personal aircrafts and have robots catering to our every need, but we have accomplished something much more valuable. We have witnessed a new generation that is proving itself to be much more open minded than any generation before. Now obviously I cannot speak for every single person or community of people, I can only point to the majority.

This generation grew up accepting people, they are less concerned with race, religion and gender than any generation before them. They don’t judge people based on who they love or how they dress. This generation has opened their hearts to the LGBTQ community, which is not something we saw with prior generations.

So here we are, in the year 2018, watching a generation mature and they are open to new ideas and beliefs as well as lifestyles and personal choices. What I have observed however, is they are not open to “swinging”. Oh, don’t get me wrong, they like to have sex, yes, even the married ones, with other people or couples; what they don’t like, is to be called swingers. It took me a while to understand this, hence, a previous article I wrote: Are couples having sex with friends but not calling themselves swingers? https://www.swingersjewelry.net/sex-friends/  Here I was questioning why couples who were clearly swinging refused to call it such.

Then it hit me, the word swinger has fallen out of favor. The term “swinger” conjures up an image of a couple from the 1970s with bell bottom pants, polyester shirts or dresses and an afro. It’s not that this generation is not open to swinging, they simply do not use the term. This is not a new problem. I believe that people have been moving away from this word for a long time. People frequently speak about the lifestyle, which is a broader term that incorporates swinging, but often use the term lifestyle to indicate that they are swingers. That can be confusing because you can be in the lifestyle but not swing. https://www.swingersjewelry.net/swing-lifestyle/

The question is: if we decide to change the word swinger to make it more socially accepted, what would be the best term? Perhaps instead of labeling people swingers, we should change the term to open-minded. According to dictionary.com, the word open-minded means:
1.  Having or showing a mind receptive to new ideas or arguments.
2.  Unprejudiced; unbigoted; impartial.

The reason open-minded seems like a logical fit is that it simply tells others that you are receptive and unprejudiced. This way people who are open-minded can speak freely about what they are looking for. Open-minded people might not be swingers, but they would have no problem if you are. It doesn’t speak to others about your sexual life, it simply lets them know that you are open to new ideas and won’t judge people for what they choose to do.
In order to eliminate the stigma attached to swingers, we must change the term to illicit a more contemporary view of today’s swingers. We must shed the image of the hippies from the 1970s and educate people that open-minded people are simply sophisticated adults who no longer believe that monogamy is the ideal in every relationship. Open-minded people have discovered that there is an alternative lifestyle that meets their needs.

The term open-minded allows freedom of expression. If you are nonjudgmental, you are willing to accept that others choose a way of life that is comfortable for them. It could mean they are part of the LGBTQ community, they could be part of a polyamorous relationship, it might even mean they are happily married in a monogamous relationship but they are open to how others are living their lives.

Imagine wearing our lifestyle jewelry and allowing the world to learn that it simply means you are open-minded.  Suddenly people  see that as a sign of respect!  When we switch out the term swinger for open-minded, it no longer speaks strictly about your sex life.  It speaks about you, as a person.

Let us consider moving into the year 2018 with a positive attitude and an open mind. Swingers are a thing of the past. Open-minded people are the wave of the future. Let’s all open our hearts and minds; live and let live…

Digiprove sealCopyright secured by Digiprove © 2018

Swinging is not cheating; understanding the difference.

Couple who swings, doesn't cheat. Wearing Parners ID jewelry
Couple who swings, doesn’t cheat. Wearing Parners ID jewelry

 

 

 

Swingers have a clear understanding of what swinging means and they definitely do not consider themselves cheaters.  The percentage of people in the lifestyle who cheat on their spouses is significantly lower than the percentage in the population at large.  Before we can talk about cheating, let’s discuss what the word really means.   According to dictionary.com a cheater is  a person who acts dishonestly, deceives, or defrauds.    I do not see how swingers are guilty of this in any way as real swingers bring their partners with them when they actively swing.   In any group  of people, regardless of their sexual orientation, preferences, religions, politics, etc, you will find some ‘bad apples’, but as we know, we cannot judge an entire group of people based on a few misguided souls.

It is important to consider why someone in a committed relationship  might cheat on their spouse.   One reason someone might cheat is because they are not satisfied with the sex they are having with their partner.  It could be that the actual act itself is not what one person needs to feel fulfilled or perhaps it is not frequent enough.  Perhaps the cheater has met someone and is physically attracted to them.  Some people who have been married for a while feel the need to be attractive to someone else. Another scenario could be that the couple is not connecting and having problems; be it money, kids, whatever, and the result is lack of interest in having sex with each other.  Maybe the spouse has stopped taking care of themselves and is unappealing to their partner.  Whatever the case may be, the end result is that this person looks to have sex with someone else and keeps it a secret from their spouse or significant other.  This is cheating and ultimately will lead to a problem between the couple if it is discovered.

Let us now look at swinging.  Swinging is done with your partner.  The couple enters the lifestyle and chooses to seek out a sexual relationship with another couple or a single swinger.  It does not really matter why the couple has decided to do this, but rather the fact that it is done in plain view of each other.  There are no secrets or deceptions here.  If you watch a couple playing with another couple, you will usually see the spouses interacting with each other while they are playing with someone else.  A hand on their shoulder, a kiss, a helpful hand down there, whatever it is, you will see that this is something they are doing together.  That is very different from sneaking into a hotel room while your spouse is at work or with the kids to have sex with someone else.  Even when swingers decide to play separately, they do it with permission from their partner.

If you have a relationship like swingers do, why would you cheat?  It is very liberating to be so open and honest with your partner about everything you are doing, why would you bother doing this behind their back?  For most couples who swing, they have formed a very strong bond.  They are even more connected because they share a secret lifestyle that most choose not to expose to others in their lives.  This “secret” can be a strong glue for couples.

Let’s be honest, sex is exciting but often put on a back burner for married couples.  They have busy lives and are often too tired for sex.  They imagine it is mutual and so it can become as much of a routine to not have sex as it once was to have sex.  This can be a slippery slope in marriage as intimacy is a critical component to long lasting successful marriages.  Swingers have very active sex lives, but not every night out to a swing club results in playing with someone else.  Frequently, married swingers will play alone together if nothing else presents itself during that night, and both are usually perfect happy.

One of the big differences between couples in the lifestyle and those who are not is how open couples in the lifestyle are with each other.  When you take jealousy off the table, love can be limitless.  When someone has doubts or fears about their partner’s fidelity, it puts space between a couple.  If every time you see their sexy coworker or watch them come alive when an attractive waiter or waitress flirts with them and secretly wonder what they are thinking, it does not help your relationship.  This wondering casts a shadow on your relationship as it creates doubt and insecurity.   It is common, however,  for couples in the lifestyle to turn a blind eye to sexy coworkers and others because they know they can have what they want in the lifestyle.  They do not look for validation in everyday situations with attractive people because they do not need it.  Vanilla couples, rely on these interactions to gauge if people still find them attractive.

It is said that humans are not monogamous by nature and perhaps this is why it can be such a struggle for couples in long term relationships to remain faithful to one another.  It would seem that for this reason, the lifestyle can offer couples a way to remain together for the long haul.  Many couples are very happily married to their partner, except when it comes to sex.  Why break up a happy marriage when there are alternatives?  Obviously, swinging is not for everyone and people in the lifestyle know that.  Why then do people not accept the fact that monogamy is not for everyone?

Digiprove sealCopyright secured by Digiprove © 2018