Love does play a role in swinging but not in the way people might imagine.

Couple in love wearing Partners ID jewelry
Couple in love wearing Partners ID jewelry

When we think about swinging, we do not think about love. The purpose of swinging is to have fun. To find another couple or a single man or woman to fulfill a fantasy. Sex is a physical act and does not require love to participate. Swinging equates to sex without love whereas a marriage incorporates love and sex.

To people who are not in the lifestyle, it is a very difficult concept for them to grasp. They frequently ask if couples in the lifestyle are afraid that their partner might fall in love with someone else. Sure, anything is possible, but you do not have to be a swinger to be at risk of falling in love with someone else.

Swinging has nothing to do with love. Swingers do not seek out the lifestyle to find a partner to share their life with. Single swingers might be looking for love. Some are looking for someone who shares their lifestyle views. Couples are not there for this reason.

Vanilla couples cannot understand how swingers do not get jealous when they see their partner with someone else but it always reminds me of something from the Bible. The following is a part of the passage, not the entire thing: (I am not religious, or Catholic, but this always comes to mind):

Love is patient. Love is kind. Love does not envy, it does not put on airs, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, and it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. So Faith, Hope and Love abide these three; But the Greatest of these is Love.”

In my opinion, the only role love plays in swinging, is between the couple that decides together that they would like to explore the  lifestyle.  You love your partner enough to give them the freedom to partake in things they otherwise could not, and you find joy in seeing them enjoy those things.  You have faith in your partner; you allow them to play because you are sure they will come back to you.   You are able to express love for each other by forging your own path.  You do not allow others to dictate to you what is normal.  Although society equates love with monogamy, you choose to define love your own way and you know the love between you and your partner is mutually exclusive.  You hope that your love is forever and that these experiences will only enrich your lives.

There is no love between couples that play but there can be infatuation or lust.  How can you love someone that you don’t really know?  The person who shows up at parties or swing clubs or on vacations or cruises allows you to see only a small part of who they are.  The real person is the one who has to get up for work in the mornings; the person who has to clean up after their children or their dog.  The true person is not always dancing and having fun but paying bills and dealing with stress.  Until you know that person, how can you really know that you love them?

The part of swinging that makes it so enjoyable is that we get to dress up, have a few drinks, dance or socialize then move onto the swinging aspect.  Spending an evening with swingers is like going out on New Year’s Eve.  It’s always a big party, but is that real life?  It is an awful lot of fun and the environment lends itself to getting hot for other people, but that is the whole point.  We go into swing clubs looking for others to spend a few hours with but not our lives.

If people in the lifestyle were not able to separate sex and love, swinging could not exist.  It is the rare couple who can find that delicate balance and make it work.  If couples were constantly falling in love with each other, swing clubs would be empty.  Who would want to risk their relationship for an evening of fun?
The most important thing is to keep perspective.  Having sex with someone else is just for a moment of pleasure, whereas being in a committed relationship is hopefully for a lifetime.

I love swinging! When it is simple…

Difficult couple new to swinging

Nobody likes complicated things and most people hate drama.  When it comes to swinging, it is no different.

Swinging is something people do for enjoyment.  Going to a lifestyle event, hotel takeover, swing club, private party or a lifestyle cruise are things people do for fun.  If couples were looking for a complicated evening or vacation, they would make plans with their teenaged children.

The majority of the time, swinging is a fun way to spend a night.  You get dressed up, you get cleaned up and you are looking forward to a good time.  Lifestyle friends are always up for a party and it does not matter what the venue is.

A perfect night usually entails heading out to a party or club. Once there,   meeting friends and people you do not know, having a few drinks,  and heading into a play area.  You find another couple (or single), everybody plays, everybody is happy, you leave.  That’s not so hard, right?

For many couples it is simple.  They have conversations about what works for the both of them. The problem usually begins when a couple does not communicate or one is not honest.

So what is drama in the lifestyle?  Swingers are out to have fun, what could possibly go wrong?  Here are a few issues that make swinging more difficult than it needs to be:

1.  Someone is too drunk to play.
2.  One of the couple is not interested but their partner doesn’t seem to notice.
3.  The couple is in a fight but they try to find another couple anyway.
4.  One of the couple is not a player, they just like to watch.
5.  The husband is full swap, the wife is not.
6.  One of them gets jealous when they see the other play.
7.  They want others to touch them but they don’t reciprocate
8.  One is pushing the other to do things they are not comfortable with.
9.  One engages with another couple without getting their partners approval
10.  One gets upset and leaves during play.

When couples find themselves in situations such as these it ruins the moment, and sometimes the night.

How can you avoid ending up with couples who are like this?  Unfortunately, with the exception someone being too intoxicated, it is hard to know in advance.  Sometimes even when a couple says they are full swap or ready to play, they are not.

Couples who enter a play area must communicate with each other and the couple they intend to play with.  If one of you does not play, be honest and upfront.  Pushing your partner into a situation that they are not comfortable with can never end well.

Like myself, most people are in the lifestyle to have fun.  Swinging should be something you do for enjoyment.  If you don’t enjoy it or you have a laundry list of rules, better to stay home.

Bottom line, I love to swing, but only when it is simple…

If you are in the lifestyle and are looking to find other swingers, try wearing our lifestyle jewelry. It holds the international symbol for swingers: https://www.swingersjewelry.net/jewelry-for-swingers/

How wearing our lifestyle necklace made friends out of complete strangers.

Swinger friends wearing Partners ID necklaces

 

 

Hi Partners ID,

The moment we discovered lifestyle jewelry existed, we knew we had to have it.  We discovered your jewelry during a trip to Fun for Two, a swing club in Holland.  Another couple was wearing it and telling some people all about it. As soon as we returned from our trip, we ordered two necklaces.

I think it was my second day wearing the necklace that this happened. During my lunch break from work, I always make a deposit at the bank and stop at the post office.  As I was walking into the post office the person who was exiting came through the entry door and bumped into me.  The mail I was carrying fell to the ground.   The two of us bent down to retrieve the mail from the floor at the same time.  He apologized profusely and then gave me a funny smile.  I thought perhaps I knew him but he did not look familiar.  

As we stood up he commented on my necklace.  He told me he has the same one and then explained that he was in a rush to get back to work.  His hand extended with a business card in it and he asked me to be in touch.  “Yes, I am married,” he called to me as he briskly walked off.

It happened so fast I could barely believe it!  Over dinner that evening, my husband and I discussed it and he was curious.  When it comes to the lifestyle, he has always been the contact person and so I handed the card to him.  He phoned the number, and after speaking for quite a while,  the men made plans for us all to get together.  

That was a few months ago and we have seen them almost every weekend since that day!  If it can happen to me, it can happen to everyone.  

Thanks, we love our jewelry!

Tristin and Emil

Toronto, Ca

To see our line of lifestyle jewelry, click here: https://www.swingersjewelry.net/jewelry-for-swingers/

A visit to a swing club might be just what your marriage needs!

Woman talking about swing club wearing Partners ID jewelry

When a friend confides that her sex life has diminished, would you suggest visiting a swing club?  I did…

A friend recently confided in me that her sex life has become pretty non existent.  After years of great sex, it no longer exists.  She wondered aloud if he no longer found her attractive.  There was no concern of another woman, they were very happily married.  I asked if perhaps it was a hormonal problem and she said she did not believe that was it.

So what’s happening?  My friend is very attractive and takes good care of herself.  She has a great figure and wears form fitting clothing to show it off.  I decided since she was coming to me for advice, I would take a chance.

“A few years ago, my husband and I were in a sexual rut,” I explained.  “Sex had become routine.  We decided to try toys, watch porn and role play.  Although it was exciting for a while, we found ourselves looking for something more.  My husband suggested a strip club and this was also exciting at first, but soon we were bored.  It was during a night at a strip club that one of the dancers suggested we try a swing club.”

I held my breath and waited for her reaction.  She leaned in close to me and with bated breath asked quietly, “And?”

Not sure how to proceed, I turned the tables.  I asked her what she would do.  Would she be willing to try a swing club? 

As I listened to her talk about how disgusting the thought of this was, I stopped her.  I decided to take a chance and tell her we had tried it a few times.  Very nonchalantly I described the first few nights we had actually visited a swing club.  The nerves, the anticipation of what I would see, what I wore and finally what I thought of the experience.  

This is perhaps the most important thing that vanilla couples misunderstand about what happens in a swing club.  I was honest about my fears regarding what type of people would actually spend time in a swing club.  The thought of half naked people walking around touching each other was a fear of mine.  I was sure the people would be old and unattractive; that the club would be a dungeon full of scary sights.  Not knowing what to expect is perhaps one of the biggest reasons that people shy away from swing clubs.

Her eyes were large as she listened intently.  She was dying to know what the club was actually like.  It was more shocking for her when I told her it was the exact opposite of what I had imagined.  The club was beautiful and upscale.  The people were warm and friendly; easy to talk to and quite interesting.  Many were professionals and most were genuinely normal, everyday type of people.  

I continued to explain that I did not see anything alarming or perverse.  Some couples were busy in groups, talking and laughing, some couples were dancing and others simply sat and observed.  Both women and men were well dressed.  Some women were a bit sexier than others, but if I had not known I was in a swing club, I would not have thought anything was odd.  Except, perhaps for the fact that people were so friendly and there was a monitor over the dance floor playing porn.

She was curious to hear whether we had seen people having sex while at the club.  There was no intent on my part to reveal that we have been in the lifestyle for many years and spend every weekend at this club.  My only interest was to help shed some light on the truth about swing clubs.  My answers reflected my views when I was new to the lifestyle.

I admitted that we, too, were curious and so after a few visits to this club we decided to check it out.  There was no way I was going to tell her that we had to change into towels to go into the back room, so I left that part out.

 

It seemed best to explain how respectful others are in this situation.  You go at your own pace.  If you simply want to watch, that is fine.  Some couples simply play with their husband or wife, while others opt to trade partners as they play side by side.  Some people like to play as threesomes and some prefer to be in a private room.  

I did admit that it was a very exciting way to spend a night. That first visit to the club had ignited a sexual flame within the both of us.  The club had a sexy vibe and we liked that.  Watching other people having sex was erotic and exciting.  The atmosphere is like none other.

My final bit of advice to her was to do some research and perhaps try it out.  There is no pressure to do anything.  Many people go to swing clubs and simply socialize.  Some drink and dance.  The most important thing is to do something in her marriage to get it back on track.

The simple act of going to a swing club brought my husband and I closer after just the first time.  We were now partners in crime and had something that we did not share with others.  It was our secret and it was shocking how it helped us to grow as a couple.  

The bottom line is that going to a swing club is an experience.  Perhaps one couple will love it and another will not.  It is not a commitment of any kind and there are no promises or guarantees of what will happen on any given night.  The most important thing to remember is that it is something you do together. 

Looking to find other swingers?  Wear lifestyle jewelry so others can find you!  Shop for the jewelry here: https://www.swingersjewelry.net/jewelry-for-swingers/

Lifestyle jewelry is alive and well in Arizona!

Golfers wearing Partners ID lifestyle jewelry
Hi Partners ID!

My husband and I have been wearing your jewelry for about 6 months. No one has ever asked if it has any special meaning. One friend did point out that they were both of the same design. We laughed and said that this is why we each bought a piece. Much like wedding rings, it makes us feel connected.

We are avid golfers and spend a lot of time at our golf club. Over the years, we have gotten to know most of the members. This is strictly a vanilla club.

As we are in the lifestyle, we have created two separate lives: our night life and our day life. There is no question that people would never suspect that we are swingers.

Like most weekends, we had plans to play golf with some friends.   At the last minute, the couple we had planned to play with had to cancel.  As a result, we were randomly paired up with another couple looking to play. Although we have known this couple for at least 8 years, the wife is a new golfer so they usually try to play alone.

After teeing off on the 3rd hole, my ball went very far to the right. As I approached I realized it went into the lake. The man who joined us drove up in his cart to hand me a ball retriever.  Just after hitting my ball, he offered me a ride to catch up with the others.   As soon as I sat in the cart, he started to laugh. I was confused and looked over at him. The man reached over and gently held the pendant of my necklace in his hand. He told me that they have been in the lifestyle for quite awhile and also have your jewelry.

This was a huge surprise!  We have known this couple for a long time and neither of us would have ever suspected that they are swingers.  It was equally as shocking for them to discover that we are also swingers.

This couple, like ourselves, prefer to travel for lifestyle events and parties. Over the past few weeks we have been in constant contact as it turns out, we are both going on a lifestyle cruise in April!

You often tell people that it’s impossible to know  who the other swingers are, and as you can see, this is true!   Certainly, without the jewelry, we would never have guessed.   For instance, here is a couple that we have known for 8 years and never suspected.

Everyone needs to wear your jewelry. It really is the only way to know who else is in the lifestyle!

Thanks!

Lauren and Andy
City withheld, AZ

Sex in Texas! A hotwife bank teller finds what she’s looking for!

Bank teller looking for sex

My husband and I have been married for 10 years and although I love him, I need more sex than he does.  At the beginning the sex was hot and often, but after a few years, he was happy to have sex twice a week.  For a while I simply satisfied myself, but after we discovered swinging, everything changed.  

Swinging woke him up sexually and that has been a positive for both of us.  More importantly is that I can go to a swing club and have sex with many men in one night.  My husband loves to watch and if he finds a woman he wants to play with, he likes to hear about what I was doing while he was busy.  

Although I love the sex I can have at a club, I discovered what I was really looking for was the freedom to have sex with other men.  As in, what I want, with who I want, when I want!  

I discussed this with my husband and he told me the thought of my meeting other men for sex was a huge turn on for him!  All he wanted was to hear all about it.  He suggested trying to video tape encounters on my phone so that he could watch what happens.  I wasn’t sure how many men would agree to this but I said I would do my best.

The only problem was, how to let men know that I am available.  I work in a bank and  I meet many men but flirting is frowned upon by management.  We had seen your jewelry before and decided that this would be a way to accomplish this!  Not only would I be able to let other swingers know that I am a swinger, but I love black men and so adding the queen of spade charm was perfect!

I did not meet someone right away but I got a lot of compliments on my necklace.  One of coworkers is obsessed with it which makes me laugh.  At first I thought maybe she was a swinger but she has no clue what it is.  

It took a while but finally I had a bite!  It was a regular customer and he simply handed me his deposit and his personal calling card together.  He smiled and told me to have a nice day.  I think I got wet just thinking about what this meant!  I sent him a text as soon as I was on a break and he responded right away!  He and his wife are swingers and they have an open marriage!  He is allowed to meet other women as long as he tells his wife!  

We met up for drinks the next night after work and headed right over to a motel nearby.  He was not open to the video idea but said my husband could listen in over the phone if that would make him happy.  The sex was incredibly hot and lasted quite a few hours.  We talked about the necklace and he asked about the extra charm.  I told him that I love black men (he is not) and he told me he knows quite a few from their circle of swingers.  He said he could ask them to call me if I liked.  This was unbelievable!  Needless to say, I was thrilled!

Long story short, I have been very busy after work and wanted to tell you that the jewelry definitely works!  

Hugs and kisses

Francesca

Dallas, TX

Check out the necklace this hotwife is wearing here:  https://www.swingersjewelry.net/product/spade/

Women in the lifestyle, what do they gain from swinging?

Couple in lifestyle wearing Partners ID swinger jewelry

What brings women into the lifestyle?

For women who are not in the lifestyle, it is common for them to believe that women are not really in the lifestyle on their own accord.  Most vanilla women tend to think women are being pushed into this by their partners.  This wild life of sex can only be something that appeals to men.

Is this true?  Are women only in the lifestyle to make their significant others happy?  The best way to find out what is fact and what is fiction is to see for one’s self.

While the swinging lifestyle conjures up images of orgies and gang bangs, it really is so much more than that.  It is a lifestyle of friendship and acceptance.  It is a wold of open minded adults coming together for a common good.

What do women gain from the lifestyle? 

The first thing that comes to mind is confidence.  The lifestyle is not only about you and your partner as a couple, it is also about you as an individual.

Let’s be honest, it is not easy growing up female.  Most women would agree that we are held to a much higher standard than men.  First, we are expected to be perfect.  Not only the way that we look and dress but the way that we act.  This is something that begins when we are very young.  Unfortunately the standards don’t really change as we age.  

To begin with, young girls are constantly seeing images of  beautiful women in magazines and on tv.  These ideals are things that girls grow up believing to be of utmost importance.  If having a perfect  body, hair, makeup and clothing is not a must, why are those predominantly the images we see.  

Women have been calling for change for at least the past several decades and although we have made many strides, we are still falling short.  

If you google “Top Female Celebrities 2018” you will see what I’m referring to.  The first 15 names to appear on that list:

Jennifer Lawrence

Scarlett Johansson

Selena Gomez

Natalie Portman

Mila Kunis

Emma Watson

Emma Stone

Ariana Grande

Nina Dobrev

Megan Fox

Blake Lively

Beyonce

Rhianna

Charlize Theron

Jessica Alba

There were still two more women before I even got to Angelina Jolie.  Imagine, this is the list and I did not even query attractive or hot in my search.  Imagine if I had…

So here are the top female celebrities from 2018. These are the faces and bodies that little girls are growing up comparing themselves to.  It is easy to see why women are so critical of their own looks. 

The other standard that only seems to apply to women is with regard to sex.  When men sleep around they are studs, when women do it they are whores.  Why the double standard?

 Enter the lifestyle…

Before entering the lifestyle, I imagined every woman would be a perfect 10.  The thought of competing with such beautiful women for the attention of men seemed daunting.  It was reminiscent of high school and made me very nervous.  

Our first night to a swing club proved me wrong.  The variety of women that were in the club was a huge surprise.  Some old, some young, some thin, some over weight, some tall, some short, etc.  Many women were wearing sexy dresses, many wore jeans and sandals.   There was definitely no predominant “type” of woman.

It did not take long to discover that women in the club were sexy for a whole different reason than the size of their body parts.  I also discovered that women in the lifestyle were applauded and held in high regard for their sexuality.  Suddenly, the double standard was gone.  Women who had spent their lives hiding their desire to explore sex and their sexuality were applauded.

The lifestyle empowers women.  It allows them the freedom of expression in every way possible. No more judgment about either their size or their sexual appetite.  

The lifestyle proves to women that regardless of their appearance, others will find them attractive.  Some people like bigger women, some like smaller, just like women all have different ideas of what makes a man or another woman attractive.

Women have a lot of power in the lifestyle and it spills into their real lives as well.  The lifestyle gives a voice to women.  Women soon discover that they are not there to please their partners but rather to please themselves.  The lifestyle teaches women to love their bodies.  Many lifestyle venues are a mixture of nudists and swingers, both who seem confident in their naked bodies.  This is a beautiful thing.

The bottom line?  What women gain from swinging is more than just fabulous sex.  It allows them the freedom to be who they are and to feel good about it.  

Check out our lifestyle jewelry! Makes it easy to spot and meet other swingers! https://www.swingersjewelry.net/jewelry-for-swingers/  

Time Magazine claims “We Are Having So Little Sex,” I beg to differ…

Couple having sex wearing Partners ID swinger jewelry
In the back room of a swing club this past weekend, my husband and I squeezed into a very small spot on a mattress.  Not because the surrounding couples were of interest, but simply because it was the only free spot we could find. 

 I couldn’t help but wonder if the back room could be any more crowded.  Couples were everywhere, using every available space they could find.  Many couples simply played standing up, a few occasionally backing into an emergency exit and setting off the fire alarm door.  

This particular Saturday was not even a special night at the club.  SDC, Kasidie, SLS and Quiver tend to bring big crowds, but they were not in the house.  It was not New Years or Halloween.  It was just another Saturday night at Trapeze in Fort Lauderdale.

It seemed ironic to me because that same day I had come across an article in Time Magazine titled, “Why Are We All Having So Little Sex?”*

Clearly, the word all, does not include swingers.  We are not only having sex, it is standing room only!

Perhaps, once again, swingers are making a good argument for their decision to engage in consensual non-monogamy.  Sex, the way swingers are having it, is not boring or routine.  It is not an obligation, nor is it a game of wait and see who initiates.

Swingers are out of the house when they are looking to play and that might be one of the most important details.  Swing clubs promote sex as dessert.  People come in to eat dinner, have drinks, dance and finally head into the play area.  

Maybe one of the key aspects of swing clubs is that sex is not at home.  It is almost like checking into a hotel.  Even couples who have fallen into a rut at home are more likely to have sex in a hotel.  The scenery is different and there are less distractions.  Most importantly, the kids are not there.  

Couples make sure to clean up and dress smart.  Women want to be sexy and men want to look hot.  The whole process of getting ready is a part of the allure.  

At a swing club, sex is on the menu.  You can have it if you choose, if not, that’s ok too.  The temptation, like chocolate cake, is that it is available.  Right behind the closed doors is an oasis of naked bodies looking for some fun.  Just like the cake, maybe you will have just have a little taste or maybe, you’ll have it all!  

The point is, swingers have not let the ball drop on an important aspect of both their relationship with their significant other and their general well being.  Sex is good for you.  It is exercise, there’s no calories, no chemicals and they can’t do it with their smart phone or computer.  It is good old fashioned face to face (if that’s how you like it) contact with another person.  

You don’t hear couples in a swing club discussing whether or not they feel like having sex tonight.  What you might hear is with whom they would like to have sex.

Perhaps one of the issues regarding sex and long term relationships is not simply the routine of sex but the lack of desire you see from your partner.  The beginning of many relationships is marked by lust. You simply can’t get enough of your partner and they can’t get enough of you.  Sex is incredible and you want it constantly.  

When couples move in together the insatiable desire tends to wane.  We do everything we can to keep the flame burning but over time, life seems to get in the way.  You let your hair down and your partner does not always see you at your best.  

You might try new things in the bedroom but after a while, you run out of new things to try.  And let’s face it, although you love your partner, the excitement eventually dulls.

This is where swingers have it figured out.  If we swap partners, we all win.  Everyone gets to be with someone new and exciting.  The women and men are dressed to impress.  They are hoping to attract a new person to play with but at the same time, your partner is noticing you in a new way as well!

I remember the first night my husband and I decided to go to a swing club.   He looked amazing and I was wearing something way sexier than I had worn in years.  We barely made it to the club because we couldn’t keep our hands off of each other in the car.  

When couples break out of their routine and try something to ignite their sex lives, they might be surprised at the result.  Couples don’t swing because they no longer love their partners, it is the opposite.  They want to find that spark again.  Feeling beautiful, sexy and desirable is important for both men and women.  Swinging is a great way to reestablish those feelings. 

For many couples, swinging sounds like a bad idea.  They worry that their significant other will find someone new.  It is a common fear for newbies but this is not usually the case.  When couples enter the lifestyle properly and with the right intention, this is very uncommon. 

The real problem is for couples who are not having sex.  Even as we age and find ourselves in committed relationships, we are still human.  Humans are sexual beings and naturally crave sex.   

What happens when couples who no longer have sex are still looking for that validation that others find them attractive or desirable?  This can be a slippery slope.  Looking for validation in the wrong environment can lead to trouble.  This type of behavior often leads to cheating.

The take away?  It is natural for sex to become less exciting in a long term relationship but it is not natural to stop having sex. When I read the article asking, “Why are we having so little sex,” I am quite sure I said, “Not me” out loud.  

If you love your partner and are simply looking to spice things up between the two of you, swinging might be for you!  

*http://time.com/5297145/is-sex-dead/

Spotting other swingers is easy when you wear lifestyle jewelry.  See the collection here::  https://www.swingersjewelry.net/jewelry-for-swingers/

Maybe your neighbors are swingers and you just don’t know!

Couple wearing Partners ID lifestyle jewelry

 

This is an email we received from one of our customers, which was printed with permission.

My wife and I bought your jewelry while visiting a club in Canada about a year ago.  We wear it mostly when we go out nights when we are hoping to meet other swingers.  Although people have complimented us on the jewelry, no one has ever asked what it means.

We went to a friend’s birthday party at a big club recently and thinking ‘you never know,’ we both wore our jewelry.  We partied late into the night and with the long drive, arrived home much later than usual. 

As usual, as soon as we walked into the house, my wife put the leash on our dog and went outside to walk her.   She was surprised when our neighbors from down the street turned into their driveway.  It was almost 4 o’clock in the morning!

She walked toward their house because there is an empty lot next door and that is where everyone walks their dogs.  A few minutes later, the male neighbor came walking toward her with his little dog in tow.  As it was just the two of them, they said hello and made small talk about the dogs.  

The neighbor mentioned that he often walked his dog late at night but had never bumped into anyone.  My wife told him we had just returned from a party that was a good distance away.  The neighbor was acting a little strange and she could not figure out why.  

He told her that they often stay out this late because they spend their weekends at a club that is open until 4 am.  Then he smiled at her and said, “You and her husband would like this club.  If you decide to check it out, wear your necklace.”

At this point I was concerned that she was still outside and went to check on her.  As I walked up the street I was surprised to see her talking to one of our neighbors.  We do not know most of our neighbors and although I know where this man lives, we have never spoken with him or his wife.

As I got closer to them, I was relieved to hear her laughing.   I was about to turn and walk back home when she called me over.  

My wife introduced me to our neighbor and told me that they were discussing her necklace.  I was afraid to say anything as I didn’t know what she told him.  He immediately relayed the information about the swing club he and his wife visit every weekend.  The neighbor said his wife has a pair of earrings with the pendant and he knows what it means.

We have been living on the same street for 5 years and had never spoken with them before.  Next weekend they are picking us up at 8:30 and we are going to a swing club with them.  Does it get any better than this?

I have to be honest, that after wearing the jewelry for almost a year, we weren’t sure that we would ever meet people.  Now we have not only made contact because of the jewelry, but discovered our neighbors are swingers too!   This has become such an incredibly fun situation for us all!  

I did meet his wife that night and we had a drink at 4 in the morning with them.  We left it at that for now, with the hope of this becoming more in the future.  

This has added so much excitement to our lives!  I look forward to this weekend and many more!

I just wanted to tell you our story and thank you!

R & M

Spring Hill, TN

Rejection in the lifestyle; what’s the best way to say thanks but no thanks?


Couple wearing Partners ID lifestyle jewelry

Rejection is never pretty. 

Regardless of how we dress it up, rejection is still ugly.  It is hurtful and often feels personal.  

For everyone in the lifestyle, this is something we must face at some point,  either as the rejector or the rejectee.  First of all, this is normal.  Everyone will not like everyone else, but figuring out how to let them know is never easy.

Swinging is a lot like dating.  

At times we have an attraction to someone and that attraction is not returned.  We want someone to like us but they do not.  When we are talking about dating, it is fairly straightforward.  One person must like one person.  In swinging, this is much more complicated.

Every couple in the lifestyle will agree that couples finding couples is much more difficult.   

Swingers often take to dating sites like SDC, Kasidie,  Airtight, SLS, Quiver, etc., to find other swingers.  They scan their pictures and read profiles in the hopes of finding like minded and attractive couples to meet.  

The process on swinger dating sites generally involves one couple picking out another and sending them an email expressing interest.  The receiver of the email will open the profile of the sender and begin with their photos.  If there is any spark of interest, they will read the profile.  

If the receiver of the email likes what they see, chances are they will respond to your email.  

What happens if the couple opens the email and has no interest?  

Many times they will simply delete the email and forget about it.  Obviously you will realize they are not interested right?

This way of handling an email of no interest is called “ghosting”.   Some couples feel this is the easiest way to convey there is no interest.  Other couples feel you owe some type of response to the people who sent the email. 

How do you reject someone without hurting their feelings?

Is it possible to turn someone down without hurting their feelings?  It seems that whatever you say will cause some pain.  Often times couples say they simply reply:  “We are not a match.”  Surely the couple reading that email will take it personally, especially if their profiles seemed to align.   This truly is the kindest possible response.  No need to explain why, just a simple reply to let them know.

Sometimes couples feel compelled to be honest

Honesty is the best policy, right?  Here I have to disagree.  There is no need to explain that one of you is not attracted to the sender.  No need to comment on their age, weight or other physical characteristic.  There is never a reason to be cruel or hurtful.

If you specified in your profile that you are looking for something specific that does not match the sender, then it is ok to point that out.   Although you have a good reason to reject them, there are ways to say things without being mean.

What if you are not interested in a couple you meet in person?

Rejecting couples in an email is not that hard.  What happens when you are face to face with a couple and you have no interest?  If this is a couple that approaches you in a club, it is easy to walk away.  You make an excuse about going to the restroom or to dance.  When you do not return, that should be easy for them to understand.  If they seek you out upon your return, letting them know that you would like to walk around and talk to other couples will hopefully be enough.  

If a couple is trying to join you while in a play area, usually simply not responding to their advances is enough to let them know.  For the bolder couple who does not seem to pick up on non verbal cues, saying no thank you should send them on their way.  

It becomes more complicated when you have agreed to meet in person after exchanging text messages or emails.  It is probably a good idea to make your first meeting for a quick cup of coffee.  If there is interest, you can always move to sharing a meal.  

When your date with another couple is over a meal, this can be more complicated.  You and your partner should think about this beforehand and come up with a plan.  A simple gesture that you agree upon will let each other know how you are feeling.  If one of you wants out, the gesture will let your partner know.  The plan should include a way to graciously end the date as soon as possible.  This can be followed up with an email explaining that although you thought they were very nice, the chemistry was not there.  

What about the couples who simply won’t take no for an answer?

Rejection is always hard because you know you are hurting someone.  If the other couple is gracious, this makes it easy.  When the other couple simply won’t take no for an answer, it can lead to a much uglier situation.  

We have found ourselves in situations where a simple no thank you has turned sour.  In a case like this it is important to remember that it is not your problem, but theirs.  While we chose to take the high road and be kind, there are couples who somehow feel entitled to your time and attention.  Whether this occurs online or in person it can be frustrating.  Blocking the couple online is a no brainer. 

 In person, it becomes a bit more difficult.  Avoiding them seems to be the only way around a future problem.  If they hang out in the same club as you, chances are you are not alone in your dealings with them.  Eventually these couples are isolated because of their behavior.  

Bottom line?

Without a doubt, at some point in time you will have to reject couples and couples will reject you.  Although you may be tempted, do not take it personally, simply move on.  

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