Swingers: Why is it a secret that you are in the lifestyle?

Why do swingers feel the need to keep their lifestyle a secret?  I frequently hear people say that nobody knows that they are in the lifestyle.  They would die if someone found out.   Why is that?  At first I wondered if these people were very religious, but they are not.  I wondered if their children were at an age that it would create confusion and uncertainty, but they are not.  Do they think they are doing something criminal or unethical?  They do not.  Hmm.  Would exposure embarrass them?   This question got a nod.   Embarrassed, why?

Admitting that you are a swinger should be a lot less traumatic than admitting you are having an affair, no?  After all, one is cheating and lying to someone you say you are in love with, the other is not.  Swingers are out having a great time, enjoying parties and events that others can only dream of.  Cheaters are sneaking around, worrying that at any moment they will be caught, which would certainly disrupt their lives and the lives of those around them.

I wonder how many swingers are truly living this lifestyle unbeknownst to their friends and family.  Probably not nearly as many as believe they are.  Often times I watch swingers arrive at a club clad in an over sized trench coat in the middle of the summer.  When I ask these women if their family or neighbors don’t find this strange they say they don’t think so.  Really?  It’s 90 degrees outside and you leave your house or condo wearing a trench coat cinched at the waste with stiletto heels and nobody thinks that’s odd?

Many swingers have said that when they finally decided to reveal the truth about their lifestyle, their friends and family members were not surprised.  Many said they had known about it for years but understood the swinger couple wanted to keep it to themselves.  (If these were the trench coat women, it’s no wonder people knew.)

What about the family and friends who were told, who did not know anything or suspect anything about the lifestyle?  Were they shocked and appalled?  Not according to the people I have spoken with.  Most said that more than anything, they were curious about swinging.  They asked a lot of questions but did not seem to have a negative reaction.  Many couples said that both friends and many family members (mostly siblings), eventually asked if they could tag along one night to see what it was all about.

Swingers would be surprised (or maybe not) to learn how connected the lifestyle is; even for people in some type of lifestyle related business.  The industry is comprised of the most friendly, warm and helpful group of people.  All of us have one goal, and that is to unite the lifestyle community. Most people I work with all say the same thing:  I am more interested in connecting people in the lifestyle than in making money.  Sure, it is a business, but it is also very personal.  Who wouldn’t want to be associated with such a genuine group of people?  Most of them have said that their families and friends know they are swingers and take it in stride.  They felt no judgement when they told others about it and feel completely comfortable that people know.

Like any other group, in order to gain acceptance, we must learn to stand up for what we believe in.  Swingers should not be ashamed of their lifestyle.  Obviously it is not necessary to divulge what you do when you are at a swing club, or party or other event, any more than you would give blow by blow (pun intended) details to others about what you and your significant other do in your bedroom.  No need to reveal that you participated in a gang bang with 15+ men last Saturday or tried double penetration for the first time and loved it.  Many swingers don’t swap, and many people in the lifestyle are not swingers.  Enjoying the warm atmosphere that accompanies the lifestyle is a wonderful thing and people should not have to hide from it.

There are many well known actors and singers who are open about their lifestyle choices and for some reason, people find this ‘normal’ and acceptable.  Why?  Why are they held to a different standard than the rest of us.  Because they are famous?   Even with their disclosure they are still sought after and some of them are highly influential people.

Revealing to others that you are open minded should not be a negative thing.  After all, if you think about it, being a part of the lifestyle really doesn’t mean more than that.   If your children or parents told you the same thing, would it concern you?  Sure, at first it might come as a surprise but would you be upset or concerned?  Probably not.

When we initially came up with the concept for the jewelry, we had just this vision in mind.  Wear the jewelry with pride.  First of all, others do not know what it means.  Secondly, even if they did, what does it really say about you?  That you are open minded, nothing more.

Let’s continue the movement to unite the lifestyle.  There is a lot to be learned from people who choose to be apart of it.  Honesty, respect and fun are the three hallmarks of the lifestyle.  What could be better than that?

Swingers and discretion

Having recently entered the world of Twitter and instagram, one would believe from all that exists on these social media sites, that swingers are out in full force and unafraid to expose themselves to the immediate world. I don’t believe that this is true. Even the short lived tv series “Neighbors with Benefits” would lead one to believe that we have no problem with exposing ourselves to anyone who wants to know. I believe I speak for the vast majority of swingers when I say it is absolutely the opposite. I do not want my family, friends, neighbors or anyone else outside of the lifestyle to know our “secret”. I, for one, can not imagine what could be gained by announcing it publicly. I am not ashamed, just like to keep my personal life, personal.
When I see pictures of people on social media sites such as twitter, facebook and instagram I can not help but wonder why anyone might imagine there is any privacy. When someone posts pictures on SDC or SLS (for example) at least these are private sites which require a membership to join. I am not sure that anyone would be so determined to see who is swinging that they would join for that reason. I also do not think it is that easy to find someone specific on these sites unless they give you their user name.
When we first investigated “swinger jewerly” we were able to find various sites leading us to a mirage of different things that people wore to identify themselves as swingers. I had to laugh when I discovered that an ankle bracelet worn on the right ankle meant you were a swinger. I have not decided if I should tell my mother this. She thinks it looks fashionable and so she wears it. I think it’s out of style but haven’t said a word. The problem with making declarations such as this is that not everyone knows that swingers have
“made this claim”; therefore it is not possible to identify swingers when we use everyday symbols or widely available jewelry.
Hence, the necklace and bracelet with the logo. It is not available in stores or on sites such as amazon. In order to make sure it stays quiet, one has no cause to come across the jewelry without visiting our site or a swing club. Let’s keep our secret to ourselves. No one can judge you if you don’t tell them what you do in private. The nice thing is, if we can get swingers to wear the jewelry, we open up a whole world of fun just by spotting someone wearing it! No more wondering!!!

Swinging when you have children; how to stay one step ahead of them.

A title like “Swinging with Children” might attract the wrong kind of attention.                                                         

The original title for this article was actually “Swinging with Children” but when I went back to edit it, I was afraid the Feds would come knocking at my door. For that reason the title had to be changed to “Swinging when you have children.”

Couples who enjoy swinging and have children, quickly discover the challenges involved in juggling their ‘secret life’ with their regular life. There are a number of interesting things to consider when you have children, and this does not just apply to small children.

Word to the wise:  children are much smarter than we give them credit for; even when they are very young.  Never underestimate them!

When you start swinging and your children are young, the biggest obstacle is generally child care. It quickly becomes apparent that if you are planning to stay out until 2 or 3 in the morning, babysitters can be difficult to find.  Babysitters are also usually also old enough to wonder where you are going.   If you are smart enough to leave the house conservatively dressed, they still wonder where you go that is open so late.  We always preferred to leave the children with our parents for the night.  This allowed us to come and go as we pleased.  Unfortunately,  Grandma and Grandpa were only going to have sleep overs so often!

Excuse me but I think you are missing a shoe…

Another problem is that after having wild sex and getting dressed to return home, you probably do not look as put together as you did when you left the house. There are times your hair will be wet from sweating, your shirt will be buttoned wrong, your fly might not be zipped back up or you are wearing something inside out. That is, if you can even  return home in what you wore while you were out. Many of us must change our clothing either in the garage or in the car, because we would never be caught dead in our club clothes!

For those of us who have tried to sneak past the babysitter to change out of our club clothes quickly, you can rest assured that one of your children is probably in your bed and will wake up as soon as you cross the threshold.  I can remember sneaking into my bedroom one night thinking my daughter was asleep in her bed.  It wasn’t until a few days later that I discovered not only wasn’t she asleep, but she was busy recording me as I ran into my room to change.  Apparently she wanted to show my mother how funny my hair looks when I come home late at night.

With young children, another problem is that they do not really care how late you were out the night before. They get up before the sun, and you are going to have to pay for that in the morning! Other than that, young children might be easier than older ones when you swing.

Woman who was out swinging, hiding in the bushes wearing Partners ID bracelet
Woman hiding in the bushes wearing Partners ID bracelet

 

 

 

 

Don’t kids ever go to sleep?
When your children are a little bit older but still live at home, the problems can be even more challenging. First off, where to hide your swinger clothes? Unless you have a spare closet with a lock on it (and even then), your children will find it. I can remember my kids telling my mother how many pairs of “hooker shoes” I own. These shoes were in a locked closet that has a key that I thought was well hidden; apparently I was wrong.

Sneaking out of the house with a change of clothing can also become tricky. If you think they won’t notice that you are wearing something under your sweater, trust me, they will. If you try to carry them out in a large handbag, they will ask questions.  After many attempts to fool them, I discovered the only way is to plan ahead. When the kids are not home, plan your outfit for the evening ahead of time and put it in the trunk of your car or hide it in the garage.

Returning home with older kids can also pose a bigger challenge. They never go to sleep! No matter how late you come home, somehow they are always awake and you cannot avoid them. This means you must change back into the clothing you left the house in.  You also have to make sure you don’t look like a hot mess!  Be prepared to answer the question they will inevitably ask: where were you until this hour and who were you with?

When you are out swinging often, it starts to become a challenge! They also are aware that nothing is open this late.  We used to try to get our stories straight on the ride home from an evening of swinging.  It became pretty routine to tell them that we sat and drank coffee with friends long after a restaurant was closed or watched movies at a friend’s house.  We were aware that our children probably did not believe us but we couldn’t come up with anything else!

Somehow we all imagined that when our children were old enough to leave home we would be able to enjoy the lifestyle without a care in the world. We deserve to have some fun, right? Well, unfortunately grown children present their own set of challenges for us. First of all we have to consider that one day they could show up in a swing club or at a lifestyle event all on their own; and if not them, maybe their friends.

Grown children are quite computer savvy so it is critical to make sure there are no pictures of our faces associated with anything lifestyle related.  We cringe when any of them ask to borrow our computer, as probably most people in the lifestyle would understand what they might stumble upon.

Grown children also present us with grandchildren. Now they are looking to get out and naturally turn to us for help.  They would like us to babysit from time to time but we are rarely free on weekends.   They say they don’t mind going out later.   They ask us to just come by when we return home to watch the kids for a few hours…Yes, we will be back around 3am if that works for you.

You can reach us on our cell phone if you need us.

They ask for itineraries when we travel, but we cannot provide one because we are headed out on a lifestyle cruise or to a swinger resort.  We try to remember to take some vanilla pictures while on these excursions as inevitably, they will ask to see photos!

Eventually they will borrow your phone and ask why all your friends have no last names.  Your grown daughter will ask to borrow a dress or a pair of shoes and before you can react, she is walking into your closet.  They ask why they have never met  many of the friends that we talk about.

We have even had one of our children pop in unannounced on a Sunday morning, only to discover that friends of ours had stayed the night.  Thankfully they were still asleep.  We quickly said that we were afraid to let them leave because they had too much to drink.   I can’t help wondering how we would have explained having breakfast in our underwear, or the four of us naked in the hot tub, had he shown up a little later.
Yes, the lifestyle certainly presents challenges from day one when you have children. You must learn to be creative and most importantly to think ahead. Make sure you and your spouse discuss what story you will tell, as it’s very important to relay the same story! Unfortunately, at some point there will be questions and strange looks as your children are much smarter than you think. It’s all in fun and it keeps the lifestyle interesting!

Condoms: are they a must when swinging or are some playing bareback?

Questioning whether couples must wear condoms: Woman thumbs up, man thumbs down. Both wearing Partners ID jewelry.
Questioning whether couples must wear condoms: Woman thumbs up, man thumbs down. Both wearing Partners ID jewelry.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Condoms are not a new invention.  They have been around for a long time and most people over the age of 13 are pretty aware of their existance.  What many people do not know, is that the only condoms which protect against STDs are made of latex or plastic.  Lambskin and other animal products do not protect you from STDs, only pregnancy.  Surprisingly, many people only associate condoms with being a form of birth control, yet they are equally as important in protecting men and women from contracting sexually transmitted diseases.   With such easy access to condoms you would expect that everyone who is not in a comitted relationship would use them when having sex.  Apparently this is not the case for many people, both young and old.

We all know that swingers are open to having sex with people outside of their core relationships.  They frequently swap with other couples or find single men or women to join them for threesomes (or more).  Often times, people who swing, have sex with complete strangers or people they don’t know very well.  There are some swingers who prefer to play only with people they are very friendly with or have known for a long time.

My question is:  do we know anyone well enough to honestly know whether or not they might have a STD or worse?  Even if they tell you they are clean, does this mean that they are?  How about if they get tested once a year and show you their test results?  Does this mean that one month later, they are still STD free?  Who could possibly know this?

So we all know that it is honestly not possible to know for sure that someone is disease free even after they have been tested if they have played only one time.  That’s all it takes, one time to become infected with something.  This would make one think that with this kind of risk, condoms would be the rule, right?   Apparently this is not the case.

Recently on Facebook, someone tossed out a question for others to respond to.  The question was “condoms or not?” This person is a facebook friend of mine and the facebooker in question is in the lifestyle.  I was planning to ignore the question and continue scrolling down my page when I noticed there were 54 comments.  Really?  54 people needed to have the same response?  I scrolled back up to glance at the first few and to my absolute shock, the answers were as diverse as a bipartisan discussion about gun control!   It seems to me that when we stopped being bombarded with news regarding AIDS and other sexually transmitted diseases, people slowly went back to old habits thinking that these diseases were a problem of the past.

People were very passionate about their answers but clearly there was a huge divide.  Really?  In 2017 we are still questioning whether or not we must use protection when having sex with strangers?!  Oddly enough, some of their reasons for not using condoms made sense in the context in which they presented their arguments.  It stands to reason, they explained, that if you are comfortable enough doing everything but having intercourse with someone without protection, why draw the line there?  It’s not a crazy argument.  People will go down on girls and give guys a blow job without considering the need for protection.  They lick each other and kiss each other and touch each other with no problem.  I’ve seen guys cum in girls mouthes and girls cum in guys mouthes and honestly, you know what?  That’s not much safer, STDs can still be transmitted orally, it’s just not as risky.
Personally, I will not have sex with a friend or a stranger without a condom, but now I understand why, more often than not, I have to prompt the guy I am with to wear a condom.  It always surprises me that men would want to have sex without a condom.  Some of these men have never met me before so why would they just assume it’s safe?  Especially in the lifestyle, where people are frequently having sex with different people.  Why would you feel confident about them being free of diseases?
It could be part of the culture of people who are drawn to the lifestyle.  By nature, most swingers are risk takers.  Many ride motorcycles, some experiment with drugs, drive fast cars and are in occupations such as firefighters, EMTs, doctors, lawyers, stock brokers, etc.  Many are self proclaimed adrenalin junkies.  This makes it easier to understand why swingers might be more inclined to take risks.
Although there are swingers who are hoping to play “bareback”, not every swinger is willing to play without a condom.  Personally, in my own experience, more often than not, swingers are not willing to have intercourse without a condom.  The majority of swingers I have come across carry a bag with condoms when they enter the playroom and insist that everyone they play with use a condom and change them if they switch partners.
 I always imagined everyone in the lifestyle would be on the same page.  At least  my husband agrees with me, no condom, no sex.  For us, that will never change…

Why is it hard to get an erection when you are in an erotic situation?

Why is it hard to get an erection when you are in an erotic situation?

For most men, just the thought of a threesome, watching girl on girl or watching your wife have sex with another man will cause an instant erection.   Men fantasize about experiencing a swing club and believe that they will be rock hard when they enter the playroom for the first time.
Prior to entering the lifestyle, most men feel that they can count on their dicks to perform pretty much at will.  They get hard for their wives and their girlfriends and it doesn’t take much.  Pop in some porn and within moments they feel their erection.
Fast forward to a night in a swing club.  They enjoy the begininng of the evening with friends, maybe a beer or two, dance a little, flirt a little, then head into the back room.  Equipment failure in the back room of a swing club is extremely common.  It is not usually due to a man’s age as it can be more prevalent amongst younger guys than older.  It also is way more common with men who are new to the lifestyle.  They imagine their prowess in a situation like this, but often times it does play out as they expect.
How ironic is it that so many young guys have a hard time getting an erection when they are new to the back room?  I had always imagined that when I walked into the back room my first time, that every guy I saw, including my husband, would have a raging hard on.  Not so much…  You would think that with all there is to see (and touch and be touched), that guys would be unable to contain their erections.  Much to my surprise, after speaking with many men in the club, it can be quite the opposite.
This can be quite discouraging to newbies in the club.  They are young, they are virile, they have no problems like this at home. The never miss an erection when with their significant other or while watching porn or while fantasizing, but get them in a situation like this and wah, wah… equipment failure.  Why do you suppose this happens?  It is most likely due to inexperience and intimidation.  Some like to call it whiskey dick, but many men already know that drinking can create this problem and so they avoid alcohol.
 Having discussed this with men who have had this problem, they all say the same thing.  This problem goes away with time and experience in the lifestyle.  No question about it, many men will not take the chance that this could happen and they pop a Viagra or Cialis and even some opt for injections, but is this really necessary?  Probably not.  What is the root of the problem?  Are men afraid they can’t measure up to some of the other guys in the back?  As we see that the older men are not suffering as much as the younger ones,  this leads us back to experience.  I have been told that if the man pays attention to the girl he is with and stays focused, there is usually no issue.  The problem is when he is watching his wife or girlfriend and becomes distracted from the “task at hand”.    Men are busy watching other men play with their significant other and that can be challenging to their egos if the girl is having too much fun.   Perhaps the other man has bigger equipment than he does, or he is more active.  Who knows what the cause is; just know that it is perfectly normal and will get easier with time.
Most women have been in this type of a situation before if they are not new to the lifestyle.  Most women are compassionate and will do their best to find other ways to enjoy their time with this guy regardless.   If you do find yourself either in this situation or as a part of the situation just remember that we all know that this can happen and it is normal.  Sometimes just a little bit of attention from your wife or girlfriend can help things to get going again.  Even if it’s just not going to happen that night, beating yourself up about it won’t change anything for next time.  Putting yourself under pressure will only make things worse.
Just remember, nobody is judging…

The Bliss lifestyle cruise is getting ready to set sail. Are you ready?

Woman on a lifestyle cruise wearing Partners ID jewelry
Woman on a lifestyle cruise wearing Partners ID jewelry

 

 

 

 

Bliss Cruise is getting ready to set sail in less than 2 weeks!  Are you ready?!

Many couples have signed up for and have spent months getting ready for what should prove to be a very memorable cruise.  With the number of people reaching over 2,000,  the Celebrity Equinox boasts 1450 cabins, with 1200 of them being balconies! http://www.blisscruise.com/Our_Cruises/Equinox_Nov_2017   What could be more exciting than planning for a fun filled week on a beautiful ship with so many like minded adults?  Thoughts of days spent lounging around a spectacular pool with other sexy couples, delicious food and drinks galore are enough to get anyone in party mode indeed.

Lifestyle cruises have become extremely popular both with swingers and naturists.  The swingers love it because it allows them to be both nude and enjoy swinging with other couples.  The naturists love it because of the clothing free option these ship allow.

What could be missing from this very sexy image?

The ability to know at first glance who the swingers are.  That brings us back to the same old question swingers have been asking for years:  how can we know which people to approach?  As people in the lifestyle know, naturists are not swingers and do not appreciate being hit on.

So how can we distinguish swingers from naturists?

What could be easier than wearing a necklace or bracelet (or even a temporary tattoo) to let others know that you are there to party?  If you already own a piece of Partners ID jewelry, don’t forget to pack it!  If not, you might want to order yours now so you will have it in time for the cruise!

All of our jewelry is high quality and designed with an active lifestyle in mind.  The pedant (and most of the jewelry) is constructed of stainless steel so it is ok to get it wet!  The idea is to have fun and know who else is on the same page without having to ask!

Bon Voyage!

 

Swinging: The good, the bad and the ugly. Scenes from the playroom…

Pillow fight between swinging couple and a girl. All wearing Partners ID jewelry
Pillow fight between swinging couple and a girl. All wearing Partners ID jewelry

Are you a swinger?  If you are and you have been in the lifestyle for a while, you have witnessed some comical, odd or just plain bizarre occurrences.  It goes without saying that the whole process of swinging can lead to some very interesting experiences.

The moments leading up to actual “swinging” can also prove entertaining.

 

For those of you who go to swing clubs, the whole locker room scenario can be rather compelling to watch both before the couple enters the back room as well as upon their return.  It is possible that some people are oblivious to those around them, but for those who are people watchers, the entertainment value is not lost on them.  It begins with couples entering the locker room; some are loving and considerate.  They help each other disrobe and seem to be in good spirits.  Others clearly are not quite as happy and are not afraid to show it.  I have witnessed couples where one clearly does not want to go into the back and the other is undressed before they even get the locker opened.  It would seem to me that this is a disaster in the making.  We all know this can’t end well, back even though things are starting off so poorly, eventually, the couple will make their way into the back room.

 

When you see such a scenario in the locker room, this is the time for the couple to talk.  Swinging is not for everyone, but whatever their problem may be, this is something that should be ironed out prior to engaging with another couple.  If couples have rules regarding swinging, this too should be discussed ahead of time.  When couples head into the playroom with another couple, it can be too late to start a conversation regarding what works for them.  If they head back when things are not going well between them, this can also be a blow up waiting to happen.

 

When couples try to play with another couple without know their boundaries, things can get difficult quickly.   Sometimes everything seems to be so easy and uncomplicated; other times not so much.  In a recent visit to the back room, a very nice couple approached us while we were playing and started to touch us.  I looked over and they were an attractive, equally matched ( I know, how often does that happen?) couple and I knew my partner would be agreeable, so we welcomed them to join us.  Everything was going well, they were fun to play with and she was screaming with pleasure so I was sure she was ok.  She was ok, until her husband came.  It was like the exorcist, she sat straight up and start spewing obscenities at him.  I think at one point her head spun all the way around (just kidding).  She jumped off the mattress and stormed out of the back room leaving her husband to grab his towel and run off behind her.  Maybe they have issues with saying goodnight and this way they can avoid small talk?  It’s always hard to understand when I see things like this because 30 seconds before she was screaming and splashing all over the place.  Why was it ok for her but not him?  Interesting experience…

 

One night we witnessed two couples enter the back together and everyone looked eager to get down to business.  The couples switched and everyone seemed to be enjoying themselves.  One man pulled out a condom right away, climbed on top of the other woman and got busy.   It was moving along smoothly  until the other man reached for a condom.  The husband pulled away from the girl he was playing with and got on top of his wife, essentially blocking the other guy.  His wife seemed to think this was perfectly normal, wrapped her legs around his waist and was having a perfectly good time.  The other couple were sitting there with their mouths open.  What was that??  They tried to touch the couple but were totally ignored.  Soon after they got up and left.  I don’t think the couple will get a rain check…

 

Recently when in the back room we witnessed two couples meet at the bar and agree to move onto the mattress nearby.  One man quickly switched and was going down on the other mans wife.  The other man then turned toward the first man’s wife and tried to touch her.  She very politely took his hand off her and moved farther away from him.  Her husband and the other girl continued to play and from time to time his wife would touch his back or his arm but never pulled him away.  This went on for quite some time and several times the man would once again try to touch her only to be rejected completely.  After the couple was finished playing the foursome got up and headed for the locker room.  They were still there when we arrived and oddly enough everyone seemd very happy and friendly.  What????  Did I miss something?  Very strange.  I tend to doubt that many couples would feel this was a good experience.

 

We have had many nights when we are getting dressed to leave and see couples return from the back room.  Again, same scenario; some happy and laughing and others are fighting and yelling and cursing at each other.  It truly is an adventure to spend time in a swing club!  Never a dull evening and always a good show!

How can you tell if another couple wants to swing with you?

A couple and single girl at a bar wearing Partners ID Jewelry
A couple and single girl at a bar wearing Partners ID Jewelry

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Swinging can sometimes feel like dating.  Remember in the past when you met someone and then spent a fair amount of time wondering if they liked you?  Then you tried to decide if they liked you, or liked you liked you.   The only difference now, is that usually, swingers are couples looking for other couples.  Although it sounds so simple, it is not.  Instead of the traditional one person seeking out another, it is now one couple (2 people) looking for another couple (2 more people).  That equals four people who must all be on the same page.  It might not sound that complicated but it can be.

The other part of this equation is wondering when you do meet other swingers, how to know which couples wants to swing with you.  That too, can be complicated.  When you are dealing with a couple, maybe the man likes you but his wife doesn’t like your husband (or vice versa).  The problems with four people are multiplied dramatically so it’s important to pay attention to signs and signals that other couples are giving you.

Swing clubs are a great place to meet other couples (or singles) to swing with. They have a sexy, night club atmosphere and most of the people who are there, are there to swing. This does not mean, however, that every couple you meet wants to swing with you. So how can you tell who is and who is not interested?

Most adults have learned that when they are in a social situation, they should be friendly and warm. We were taught to be polite and smile. If someone talks to us, we should have the common courtesy to listen and even join in the conversation. People in swing clubs, tend to be very friendly and welcoming to each other. So with all this smiling and kindness, how can we distinguish between people are who being polite and people who are interested in having sex?

For some couples, it’s not that hard to figure out, whereas for others, they seem to have no clue at all (think Sheldon Cooper). Here is a little quiz to help you determine if you are on the right track to finding other couples to play with:

You are sitting at the bar and a couple walks over. They are trying to get the bartenders attention and since you are sitting there, they say hello. You and your significant other find them attractive so you try to engage them in conversation. They are friendly and answer your questions but as soon as the bartender hands them their drinks, they turn and walk away. Now, this should be an easy one…
This couple is interested, you have a shot: True or False

(False, clearly, they are not interested.)

Let’s try another, shall we? A couple is seated next to you on a couch. They seem friendly and you strike up a conversation with them. The husband answers your questions but the wife is not paying any attention. She is busy watching people on the dance floor. While you are talking to him, the husband turns and asks his wife if she wants to dance. They pop up and leave for the dance floor. Hm, what do you think?
A. They will be back in a few minutes and we will have another chance to win them over?

B. We have no shot let’s go find another couple.

If you chose A, you should probably keep reading until the end!

How about this situation: a couple approaches you while you are at the bar and asks if anyone is sitting in the seats next to you. You say no and the couple sits down. They introduce themselves and tell you it’s their first time in this club. They are friendly and you are encouraged that maybe this can work. You talk with them for a while and they get up to go and dance. After a few songs, they return to their seats next to you. A couple sits down on the other side of them and they turn to engage in conversation with them. You and your significant other walk around to join the two couples in conversation. They continue talking while you stand there. You don’t want to be rude so you patiently wait for them to introduce you to this couple. After a few minutes, nobody attempts to bring you into the conversation. You decide to go back to your seats at the bar.
No problem, in a few minutes they will turn back and chat with us.

B. Not looking good, they were just being friendly.
Don’t wait too long for this couple, it seems they have found a couple they prefer.

You meet a couple standing along side the dance floor. You try to engage them in conversation and although the wife is friendly, the husband is looking around while you are talking to him. He answers your questions but doesn’t ask you any. A few times you even had to repeat yourself because he didn’t hear you. His wife grabs his hand while you are talking to her.
She’s hot and she’s friendly. She will persuade him to be with us.

B. Finding couples is harder than we thought. Let’s move on.

It’s B! When she grabbed his hand, she was trying to tell you something… He showed a clear disinterest from the get go.
You decide to dance and are enjoying the time with your wife. You notice a couple watching you and smiling. When you leave the dance floor they approach you at the bar. They are friendly and she greets you with a kiss on the cheek. The man is attentive to your wife and his wife is attentive to you. She plays with her hair while laughing at your jokes.

This is it! We might actually have a chance with this couple!

B. They are just being friendly, I’m not sure if they really have any interest.

I hope you chose A! This was a gimme, a no brainer.

Believe it or not, we see this all the time. Couples who hang around when there is no chance what so ever that the couple they are clinging to have any interest in them. Sometimes all it really requires, is to pay close attention to what their body language is saying. If someone is standing with their arms crossed and a forced smile on their face, that should tell you that they are not interested. If someone touches you or is engaged in what you say, that’s a good sign. If they turn towards you and have a genuine (not fake) smile, think positive! If the person you are talking to is not making eye contact, walk away. If someone likes you, they will make you feel comfortable and important. They will be present in the moment with you. They will ask you questions and listen carefully to what you have to say. If someone is busy looking around to see what else is available, that means they have no real desire to be with you.

Although we always stress how important communication is, in this type of situation, nobody will tell you that they are not interested, it is just too rude. They will, however, do whatever they can with their body language to let you know. Non verbal cues are all you are going to get to let you know when a coupe is or is not interested. All you have to do, is pay attention to what it is they are trying to say.

Swinging should be fun but figuring out who wants to swing with you can sometimes be confusing! The more experience you have in the lifestyle the easier it will become! Good luck!

Swinger photos falling into the wrong hands can be awfully embarrassing!

Swinger women wearing Patners ID jewelry shocked at the computer screen
Swinger women wearing Patners ID jewelry shocked at the computer screen
Taking photos is a wonderful way to capture memories of every kind.  From the day we are born, the cameras start flashing to ensure memories of this special event.  We embrace our photos as prized possessions and something tangible to remind us of the  good times in our lives.  Birthdays, graduations, vacations with our families, holidays and good times with our friends.
 Swingers are no different, but their collections of photos are of a different kind.  Swingers seem to take quite a bit of illicit photos of themselves.  Check Facebook, twitter, Instagram or swinger websites and you will be inundated with more nude and pornographic photos than you can imagine.  Part of the fun of taking these photos is sharing them with your swinger friends, right?
 It is also common for swinger couples who have been speaking over the internet to request pictures of each other prior to meeting them.  It seems only logical then that you would choose email to send it.  No big deal, right?  You pick out some face shots and look through your photos to find that perfect sexy shot of the two of you engaged in some kind of sex act.  Maybe you like the one where you are giving your husband a blowjob while a big black male is behind you.  Type up your email, address it and push send.  What could be simpler?  Although it should be a simple and private way to communicate, we are human and computers do not always seem to be on the same page we are.
Swinger woman playing with herself wearing Partners ID bracelet
Swinger woman playing with herself wearing Partners ID bracelet
Sometimes the computer seems to magically change recipients without our knowledge.  I am sure it has happened to everyone:  you intend a message to go to one person and somehow it ends up going to someone else.  Although it can be a hassle and sometimes annoying, this particular type of scenario is a whole lot worse than that if you are a swinger.  You push send and as soon as your finger hits the button you notice that the email is not addressed to your new friends at all but rather to your father!  OMG!  This actually happened to a swinger we know.
How about when your friends bring you into a group text message.  You and your vanilla friends agree on where to go for lunch or share some gossip about someone you all know.  We all have these group texts.  Not a problem until you decide to share some erotic photos with the swinger couple you played with the previous evening, and it accidentally gets sent out in a group text.  There’s really nothing you can say, because as we have heard, a picture is worth a thousand words.  Can you even imagine the conversation about you between your vanilla friends?  I shudder to think about it.
A couple was celebrating New Year’s Eve in a swing club and told their children they were heading out for a romantic dinner.  The club looked so beautiful they could not resist asking someone to take a picture of them against the festive backdrop.  They looked at the picture in the club that night and liked it so much they sent it right out to their children.  What they did not notice until the next day was that in the background was a monitor with porn.   There was nothing they could think of to explain this.
Another couple celebrated Halloween in a swing club and loved their clever costume.  They asked a friend to take a photo of them and as they posed for the photo, a friend joined in for the shot.  They also looked at the photo and thought it was adorable.  The next day they met her parents for dinner and took out their phone to show them their cute costume.  When they enlarged the picture, they realized the girl who joined in the shot had pulled her top down and her breasts were exposed.  It is very hard to think of what to say in these situations to somehow make things sound normal.
It seems that as long as swingers are snapping pictures of themselves and each other in compromising positions, there will always be the possibility of a mishap.  It keeps things interesting, no?

Newbies tend to have a perception of swingers that is not always accurate.

Newbie swinger woman toasting friends wearing Partners ID jewelry
Newbie swinger woman toasting friends wearing Partners ID jewelry

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Newbies is a term  swingers use which refers to people who are new to the lifestyle.  The word “newbie” is not a new term and is even listed in the merriam-webster dictionary:

https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/newbie

One of the wonderful things about the lifestyle is the variety of people it attracts.  People from all walks of life are swingers.   We were approached recently by a couple on a beach who spotted our flag and wanted to ask about the lifestyle. (Glad the flag works!)

They have never been in any type of lifestyle environment ( which is why we use the term “newbies”) and thought the nude beach might help them get some information about swing clubs and swinger resorts.  They were smart because there are many swingers that frequent the nude beach.  They had no idea how to know who was a swinger so the flag came in handy for that!  The woman (who was wearing a rather conservative one piece bathing suit) was very apprehensive about the type of women she would find in a swing club.  She somehow felt she would not measure up to swing club standards.  The man did not seem particularly concerned with this and it should come as no surprise that she was in better shape than he.  I suppose it is normal to have preconceived notions about what you will see on your first trip to a swing club and newbies are never sure if they will fit in.  She went on to explain that she is not as thin as she was, or in as good shape as she was 20 years ago.  She was afraid that all the women in a swing club or at a resort such as Desire or Secrets Hideaway would be perfect tens and that would intimidate her.  She was concerned that they would all ooze sexuality and she was still raising children and did not really consider herself particularly sexy.  She mentioned that she is not good with hair and make up and prefers a more natural look.  How could she ever compete with all of the glamorous women with perfect hair, make up and bodies?

I was not sure why her perception of swing clubs was like this but we spent a good hour talking to them about the realities of lifestyle venues and what types of people you will find.  We assured her that in any given swing club you will see a very broad spectrum of both men and women.   It is possible you will spot a woman you think is the perfect model, but isn’t beauty in the eye of the beholder?  Every man I have ever met has different taste when it comes to women.  Some look at breasts, some at legs, some at the face, some like certain hair and others like a combination of things.  Some men like very thin women and some like very large women, so how can we decide who is a perfect ten?  I told her if she is concerned that she will find a bunch of Victoria Secret models walking around the club, she is worried for nothing.  Every swing club and swinger resort we have ever been to has been made up of all types of women.  Tall, short, fat, thin, beautiful blown out hair styles, wet matted hair, curly, straight, long and short hair, big boobs, small boobs, no boobs, beautiful dresses, jeans, shorts, fishnets, you name it.  Some women wear 6″ stilettos and others sport flip flops.  Some women have had plastic surgery and some seem not to be interested in  the shape or size of their bodies.   There is no particular style or trend in any club I have ever been to.  In my opinion, women should never worry that they won’t “measure up” in a swing club because there are all types of women.

The same goes for men.  Men come in all shapes and sizes.  You will find some men with hair, some without, some well dressed, some not.  Some men have big bellies, some have big muscles; some are well endowed and some are not.  The beauty of the lifestyle is everyone can play.  Swingers do not seem to notice the color of anyone’s hair or skin and they seem unconcerned with what you do for a living.  Bring a smile and a warm, open attitude and anyone can have a good time.

Life is too short to worry about what others might think.  The beauty of the lifestyle is the variety of people you will meet and how the majority of people are just there to have a good time.  Nobody cares what you are wearing or if your makeup is perfect.  Wear what makes you comfortable and bring a positive attitude.

The couple seemed happy to hear that they would fit in just fine but before they left I did offer her a small piece of advice:  After years of raising children and leaving your “sexy self” behind, you will shocked to see how fast it will return when you enter a swing club.  Find what makes you feel good and wear it with pride.  The only person you should want to impress is your husband and the same goes for him.  As for the people in the club?  They will like you if you are friendly, that’s all you need to fit in!