Whatever the case, if you are one of those “shy” people, perhaps this is the perfect time for you to take advantage and go after what you want! There are women in the lifestyle who always wear a wig when they are at a lifestyle event. They claim they have more confidence because people do not recognize them and they like it that way. Costumes are also a good conversation starter. Complimenting others on how clever they are or how perfect their costume, makes it easy to open the dialogue. Once you have begun a conversation it is easy to introduce yourselves and ask the other couple questions about themselves.
Are people still afraid to let others know that they are in the lifestyle?
Why do swingers feel the need to keep their lifestyle a secret? I frequently hear swingers say that nobody knows that they are in the lifestyle. They would die if someone found out. Why is that? What do people think when they hear someone they know is a swinger? It reminds me of the time before I had ever had sex. I couldn’t imagine how you could face the person you had sex with afterward. What would they think after they had seen you in such a compromising way? How would others see you? Obviously I discovered that these fears were unfounded. Nobody seemed to look at me any differently, and facing the guy who I was with was no problem. So what is it that makes us fear discovery?
What is it that swingers fear about exposure?
Curiosity got the best of me and so I started to ask swingers. I asked a group of swingers if they are very religious, but they are not. I wondered if their children were at an age that it would create confusion and uncertainty, but they are not. Do they think they are doing something criminal or unethical? They do not. Hmm. Would exposure embarrass them? This question got a nod. Embarrassed? Why? In truth, swingers are doing something that most people wish they could do. They have sex with others and it doesn’t destroy their marriage. Why? Because two consenting adults have agreed to enter into this together. There are no lies or secrets.
Would friends and family alienate you if they found out you were having an affair?
Admitting that you are a swinger should be a lot less traumatic than admitting you are having an affair, no? After all, one is cheating and lying to someone you say you are in love with, the other is not. Cheaters sneak around, worrying that they will be caught. Getting caught would disrupt their lives and the lives of those around them. Swingers, on the other hand, are out having a great time together. They are out enjoying parties and events with their significant other. This is something that others only dream of.
I wonder how many swingers are truly living this lifestyle unbeknownst to their friends and family. Probably not nearly as many as believe they are. Often times I watch swingers arrive at a club clad in an oversized trench coat in the middle of the summer. When I ask these women if their family or neighbors don’t find this strange they say they don’t think so. Really? It’s 90 degrees outside and you leave your house or condo wearing a trench coat cinched at the waist with stiletto heels and nobody thinks that’s odd?
What happens to couples who come clean about the lifestyle?
Many swingers have said that when they finally decided to disclose to friends and family that they were swingers, many were not surprised. Many said they had known about it for years but understood the swinger couple wanted to keep it to themselves. (If these were the trench coat women, it’s no wonder people knew.)
What about the family and friends who did not suspect this person or couple was in the lifestyle? What was their reaction? Were they shocked and appalled? Not according to the people I have spoken with. Most said that more than anything, they were curious about swinging. They asked a lot of questions but did not seem to have a negative reaction. Many couples said that both friends and many family members (mostly siblings), eventually asked if they could tag along one night to see what it was all about.
Stop apologizing for your lifestyle choices; it’s your life and your decision to make.
Like any other group, in order to gain acceptance, we must learn to stand up for what we believe in. Swingers should not be ashamed of their lifestyle. Obviously it is not necessary to divulge what you do when you are at a swing club, or party, or another event. Most people do not give blow by blow (pun intended) details to others about what they do in their bedrooms. No need to reveal that you participated in a gang bang with 15+ men last Saturday. Nobody needs to know that you tried double penetration for the first time and loved it. Many swingers don’t swap, and many people in the lifestyle are not swingers. Enjoying the warm atmosphere that accompanies the lifestyle is a wonderful thing and people should not have to hide from it.
Why do people find it acceptable to learn that many famous couples are swingers? Why are they held to a different standard than the rest of us. Because they are famous? Some are highly influential people and they do not deny that they are swingers. Famous people frequently answer questions about their lifestyle and seem quite comfortable doing so.
What does wearing lifestyle jewelry actually say about you?
Wearing our jewelry means that you are open-minded. If you think about it, being a part of the lifestyle really doesn’t mean more than that. If your children or parents told you the same thing, would it concern you? Although it might surprise you, you would be happy to see them happy.
When we initially came up with the concept for the jewelry, we had just this vision in mind. Wear the jewelry with pride. First of all, others do not know what it means. Secondly, even if they did, what does it really say about you? It says that you are an open-minded person.
Let’s continue the movement to unite the lifestyle. People in the lifestyle could really teach others a lot about relationships. Honesty, respect and fun are the three hallmarks of the lifestyle. What could be better than that?
To see our collection of lifestyle jewelry click here: https://www.swingersjewelry.net/jewelry-for-swingers/page/2/
Dear Partners ID,
This is a quickie that we think you’ll enjoy. My hubby and I have been in the lifestyle for over 4 years. We have met many couples in our everyday life over the years that we have wondered about but never came right out and asked. We have tried many times to “discover” which one of our friends or neighbors might be swingers through conversations but it never led to a confession from any of them.
We have your jewelry and love both the design and the concept. We went to a concert one night with friends of ours and were very excited because we had second-row seats. During the concert, I realized the lead guitarist was wearing your jewelry! I couldn’t believe it! I tried several times to catch his attention to point to my own necklace but I wasn’t sure if he could see us with all the lights. Finally, the lights went down for a solo so I took out my phone and used the flashlight to shine on my necklace. It took awhile but he finally spotted us and gave us the thumbs up. Of course, my friend was watching and she was very curious. I told her I’d tell her later (really having no clue what I would say).
At the encore performance, a security guard came over to us and handed us a note. It was from the lead guitarist! He asked us to come backstage after the concert! It was like I was dreaming. Now I really had to say something to my friends because they would have to come with us.
We told them the necklace is a symbol of being open-minded. We got it when we went to Jamaica because we thought it was a cool concept. Right there, they were like, “OMG you went to Hedo!”
Turns out, they are pretty new to the lifestyle but have had some experiences with people they know. They were interested in going to Hedonism and had read about it online. They also said they had wondered about us as possible swingers!
Anyway, we met the guitarist who was super nice and very cool. We hung out with him for a bit and we exchanged emails. It was incredibly surreal to be backstage with a well-known band!
Oh, and I did kiss his wife…
Long story short, we bought our friends some jewelry for the holidays and we have since discovered there is a swing club not too far from where we live. We are planning for all 4 of us to go next weekend.
Thanks for the jewelry! It’s such a great idea and it really does work!
Brittany and Joe
Slut is a word we are all familiar with. We heard it used a lot in high school to shame girls who had sex with too many guys. It did not occur to me in those years that we did not have a term for the males who were doing the same thing.
I stumbled upon an article the other day which was talking about the number of sexual partners people have had over the course of their lifetime, and what it says about them.
The article is actually quite interesting and at the same time a bit alarming. As a swinger, reading that the general population thinks that the ideal number of past sexual partners for both men and women is 7, concerns me. Seven?! Seriously?! I know people who have sex with 7 different people in one night!
My immediate reaction to the notion that a new man in my life would want to hear that I have only slept with 7 men prior to him, was that I felt a little nauseous. I think I had slept with 7 guys before I graduated from college. What does this mean? I was (and still am) a total slut? Probably, but lucky for me, my husband appreciates the fact that I love sex as much as he does.
I don’t think anyone would be surprised to learn that both men and women tended to change their true numbers slightly (at their own admission). Men tended to say they have had sex with more women than they actually have, while women tended to say they have had sex with less partners than they have. It is a surprise to me that in the year 2017 people are still so antiquated in their thinking. Men want to be with women who love sex, but they don’t want to be with women who have been too sexually active or who are too experienced.
Perhaps because I have been married for a long time I have lost touch with single stigmas, but come on people, this is 2017. Many people in their 50s, 60s and 70s are part of the baby boomer population. They believe in sex, drugs and rock and roll, don’t they? This generation was having sex, and a lot of it, back in the 60s and 70s. You mean to tell me they were part of this survey? I think not.
I also would have imagined that we were no longer holding women to a different standard than men. We still think men are studs when they have many conquests while women remain sluts for doing the same. We pat men on the back for their accomplishments in bed while we shake our heads in disdain at the women with whom they are doing this. Every time I think we’ve come a long way (baby) I discover that perhaps we really have not. Even the terms we are still using to describe sexually adventurous women versus men have remained unchanged in the way one degrades the woman, while the other praises the man. According to Wikipedia, the term slut is as follows:
Slut is generally a term for a woman or girl who is considered to have loose sexual morals or who is sexually promiscuous. It is usually used as an insult, sexual slur or offensive term of disparagement (slut shaming). It originally meant “a dirty, slovenly woman”, and is rarely used to refer to men, generally requiring clarification by use of the terms male slut or man whore.
Today, the term slut has a pervasive presence in popular culture and pornography, but is almost exclusively used to describe women. An exact male equivalent of the term does not exist. The lack of a comparably popular term for men highlights the double standard in societal expectations (gender roles) between males and females, as negative terms for sexually promiscuous males are rare.
This is one of the reasons why swinging and the lifestyle are such wonderful outlets. Nobody is judging anyone within the lifestyle. If you love sex, good for you! Curious to try something new? This is the place! Judge free zone! Everyone is free to explore their fantasies. In all of the years that I have been in the lifestyle, I have never heard anyone put a woman down for sleeping with too many men. Even the women who like gang bangs and trains. Most people just shrug their shoulders and say whatever she’s into to, glad she’s having fun.
For swingers, the standards set by the general population do not apply. Men in the lifestyle are not really interested in women who do not want to play. People are in the lifestyle for this purpose! Sexually open women are the norm, as are the sexually adventurous women. Men seem drawn to the women who exude sex as they are certain that it will prove to be an enjoyable experience. As far as asking about or caring about how many sexual partners someone has had? I’ve never heard anyone discuss this within the confines of the lifestyle. Truth is, most people would probably laugh and say, “I have no idea, I lost count!”
It fascinates me that men who are not in the lifestyle prefer women who have slept with (at most) 7 partners. They feel that more than that signifies a promiscuous woman. What the survey did not discuss was a woman’s age. What if she’s 50 and has never been married? I hope these men are open to the thought that their partner likes to masturbate. Or, open to the notion that this partner does not like sex. Either way, how do you put a number on something like this, and more importantly who are they to judge?
Women also think the magic number of previous partners for men is 7. For a man who is 25, I can see how this number is probably fair game. If the man is 40, I’m not so sure.
I think I can speak for most people in the lifestyle when I say that the number 7 made me laugh out loud when I heard it. Most real swingers who spend every weekend (and for some 1 or more nights a week) in a lifestyle venue of some sort, would probably agree that they hit that magic number often; some after a few weeks, others after a few months.
Does this make all the women in the lifestyle a bunch of sluts? Probably to those who choose not to be in the lifestyle. What about the men? I imagine they would simply call the men in the lifestyle “lucky”. For those who are in the lifestyle, I sincerely doubt they care. They are usually both very happy in their relationship with their significant other and with their decision to swing. I suppose if any of us find ourselves single and being asked our “number,” we have two choices: lie or look for another swinger!
Speaking of looking for other swingers: that’s what our lifestyle jewelry was created for! Click here to find the perfect piece for you! https://www.swingersjewelry.net/jewelry-for-swingers/
The lifestyle can be difficult for new swingers. Where should they start?
Swinging used to be relatively easy for new couples to navigate. The internet was not yet born. Those who were looking to swing had to find ads in magazines or learn by word of mouth. Naturally, swing clubs were pretty much the only place you could go to find a group of swingers. Meet and greets and private parties were very difficult to find. These were not things people were advertising in magazines. There were no real choices to be made when it came to swinging. If you wanted to see what it was all about, you would head out to a swing club.
With the popularity of the internet, this has all changed. It is easy to look up swinger events, clubs and venues online. This, however, does not mean it is easy to figure out how to begin your swinging career! Every blog you read tells you something different. Some say online dating sites are the best while others say steer clear of them. Some writers recommend visiting a swingers resort while others say that is a terrible introduction to swinging.
On your first night it will benefit you to be content to sit back and observe.
Every swinger was at one time new to the lifestyle, or in swingers terms a “newbie”. The first time we went to a swing club, the manager gave us a tour. When he was finished, we were left inside to fend for ourselves. It was the first time I had ever felt like the two of us were one person. Although we were together, we were actually alone.
We looked around the club and it felt like everyone knew each other. There were clearly a bunch of different cliques of people. As we sat and watched, we wondered how we would ever meet people. It felt like everyone seemed to belong, except for us. After assessing the situation (and throwing back a few shots), we got up the nerve to dance. People on the dance floor smiled at us and one couple even came over and asked us if we were new. Is it that obvious, I wondered? We said we were and they introduced themselves. With that, a couple they knew walked over and they turned their attention to the other couple. Since this was our first time at a swing club, we were content to just observe the crowd and go home early.
On your second visit you will have a better idea of how the club works; this will make it more comfortable.
A few weeks later, we decided to try it again. This time I knew how to dress and what to expect. That made a big difference in the way we handled ourselves when we walked in. First of all, we decided to get there early so it was not very busy when we arrived. We went right to the bar and got our drinks.
We looked around to see if we could find the couple that had introduced themselves to us on the dance floor, but they were not there. There was a couple sitting on a couch by themselves so we walked over and asked if we could sit. They were very friendly and seemed happy to meet a new couple. We were not looking so much to swing with them, as we were looking to meet people to talk to.
Soon, the couch was filled with couples they knew, and they introduced us to them. Just like that, on our second night in this swing club we had met about ten couples. This is a very easy way for newbies to be introduced to swingers and the lifestyle. Most of the couples we met that night were regulars at this club. This meant that when we decided to return for another night, chances are, at least a few of them would be there so we wouldn’t have to be alone.
A swing club allowed us the opportunity to see what it was all about while taking it at our own pace. We did not feel any pressure to do anything that was out of our comfort zone. Nobody was counting on us to make the night a success. The club environment allows you the freedom to arrive and leave on your own schedule (unlike private parties, where people are counting on you). When we did not feel comfortable talking to a couple we simply left to dance or excused ourselves to get another drink. People were both friendly and respectful.
Don’t rush the process, make sure you are both ready before you take the next step.
Nothing causes a couple to fail at swinging more than when one person is pushing the other to do something that makes them uncomfortable. It is normal to get caught up in the excitement of the lifestyle but it is important to always consider your partner’s feelings. If you would like to continue in the lifestyle with your partner, always keep this in mind.
Eventually, you will both be ready to take it to the next step.
When we felt ready, we took it to the next step all on our own.
What about meet and greets; are they a good place for newbies to start?
Some people feel that meet and greets are full of swingers who all know each other and are not looking to meet new people. This is where I wholeheartedly disagree. Most swingers I know actually choose to go to meet and greets purely to meet new swingers. If they were not looking to meet new people, they would simply go to a swing club where the regulars are.
Meet and greets are designed to give couples who are new to the lifestyle, or new to the area, a chance to meet other swingers. Some of the couples we have met at meet and greets are swingers who do not like swing clubs and are looking for couples to invite out privately. This can be good or bad. If a couple are seasoned swingers, you might want to let them know you are new and are looking to take swinging step by step. The good thing about couples who are not new to the lifestyle is that they can help you navigate the whole process. The bad thing is, they might want you to move faster than what is comfortable for you. Communication is always very important in any swinging situation.
Lifestyle resorts and expos, would newbies feel comfortable in these environments?
Lifestyle expos and resorts can be a lot of fun, but if you are new to the lifestyle and just looking to see what it is all about, these types of venues can seem a bit hardcore. Both are a lot of fun for swingers, but if swinging is new to your couple, these environments can be intimidating. Most people who attend conventions or go on swinging vacations are not new to the lifestyle. They have a limited amount of time and want to make the most of the vacation. At the last expo we attended, by the time we arrived (which was only a few hours after it started), the party was in full swing with many couples already naked in the pool enjoying themselves. It was fine with us, but if we were newbies, it would have felt a little intimidating.
What about a swinger cruise?
Swinger cruises are also a wonderful vacation for those in the lifestyle but perhaps not the best place for new swingers to start. The biggest problem with a cruise for your first introduction to the lifestyle is that you cannot walk away if you do not like it. Of course, you do not have to swing, but the majority of people who choose a lifestyle cruise, do so because they are looking to swing.
We see that we can sign up on a swinger dating site for a private party…
Some people who are new to swinging might think a private party would be an easy way to meet other swingers. After all, there are usually fewer people at a party than a club, so it is easier to talk to others. While this may be true, most private parties are for real swingers. When you attend a private party, people usually think if you are there, it is to play. Why else would you attend? For that reason, it is probably not the best place to start, unless you think that you want to swing your first night out, which is usually not the best idea.
How about trying to meet couples on swinger dating sites? This seems easy…
Swinger dating sites are also great for swingers but may not be the best avenue for new swingers to take when trying to meet other couples. It can be difficult to navigate these sites when you are new to the lifestyle. Looking at photos (which frequently are not very current) and reading ages (again, not always honest) and profiles can be misleading. Trying to meet up with couples who cancel at the last minute or don’t respond to your emails can be frustrating. New swingers might take it personally while seasoned swingers have learned it is not personal. Many swingers also know what to look for when checking out online sites, while newbies do not. This can cause them to have a negative first experience.
So what’s the bottom line? We are new to the lifestyle and would like to test the waters.
For these reasons, I recommend to new swingers that the best place to start would probably be at a meet and greet. If you are lucky, you might meet another new couple and the four of you can venture out to a swing club together to get a feel for the lifestyle. Swing clubs sometimes also host meet and greets from time to time and this is even better. These events mix new swingers with those already in the lifestyle. This gives those who are new, a chance to see a swing club. It also allows them the opportunity to meet both new and old swingers. It gives you the freedom to come and go as you please. Nobody expects anything from you. You can choose to sit back and observe or you can jump in and join the party.
The most important thing for new swingers is to communicate.
Whatever you decide for your first swinging experience, make sure to communicate with your partner both before you go and while you are there. Before making the decision to play with another couple, it is crucial that you decide this as a couple. If one person is not ready, it will only lead to disaster and very likely will stop your swinging career before it ever begins. The lifestyle is a wonderful thing if handled properly. Your partner must always be made to feel like your number one priority. You cannot enter a swinger environment and leave your partner to fend for themselves or to follow your every lead. Swinging must be done as a joint venture, especially at the beginning, to ensure success. https://www.swingersjewelry.net/communicate/
The most important thing to remember is that this is supposed to be fun! If one of you is not having fun, then perhaps you need to back up and figure out why someone is not happy. Swinging is not for everyone and it will not work if one person is doing it for their partner. Again, communication is the key to success in the lifestyle.
Don’t forget to wear your lifestyle jewelry!
Wearing our lifestyle jewelry is another way to meet swingers. Sold only through lifestyle sites and venues. The jewelry allows you to be discreet yet will let other swingers know that you, too, are in the lifestyle. Perfect for nights out in bars and clubs that don’t cater to swingers. You’ll be surprised how quickly you will meet other swingers! https://www.swingersjewelry.net/jewelry-for-swingers
Follow our blog for great stories from other swingers who have met each other simply because they were wearing our jewelry! https://www.swingersjewelry.net/lifestyle-2/
Good luck and have fun!
People who are not in the lifestyle, equate swinging with infidelity. Obviously, for people who swing, this is absolutely untrue. According to dictionary.com. infidelity means:
It is not uncommon to hear people who are not in the lifestyle to question why couples swing. Besides that they imagine swingers to be perverted deviants, their perception of swingers is really off. They have a hard time understanding why people would be open to having sex with someone other than their spouse. More than that, they cannot fathom why swingers do not get upset with the fact that their significant others are doing this.
Let’s consider this: if a department store invited you to visit anytime, and take what you needed for free, would you ever feel the need to steal something from them? Silly question right? How can you steal something if they are giving it to you for free? Let’s say you are in school and need help on an exam and the teacher tells you anytime you don’t know an answer to just ask her and she will tell you. Would you need to copy off someone’s paper? What would be the point? The teacher has already offered the free help, right? It is the same in the lifestyle. Your partner offers to let you swing with other people, why would you need to do this behind their back? That is not to say that it never happens because it probably does, but what it is the point?
It is very common when you speak with swingers to hear how surprised they were when they first entered the lifestyle to discover how in love swingers seemed to be. It was exactly the opposite of what they had imagined. If couples were so in love, what drove them into the lifestyle? The best answer is probably honesty.
The relationship between a couple who chooses to swing has to be very open and honest. In order to swing, they had to get to the point where they could admit that although they love each other, they would like to try something else. It is normal for couples to fall into a routine or rut with their sex life. Some couples try to spice things up by watching porn, using toys, trying different positions or even going to strip clubs. What happens when that is not enough?
For couples not in the lifestyle, unfortunately, they might look to someone else to fill that void. Infidelity is exceptionally selfish. One person in the couple chooses to find excitement that is lost with their partner while the other partner makes do with the lack of fulfillment. Sometimes both parts of the couple choose to be unfaithful to each other while maintaining the facade of a wonderful marriage. How long can that last?
When you consider the avenue swingers take, it seems more logical and loving. Swinging is something couples do together. They venture into the lifestyle as a couple not to find someone to replace their partner, but to find couples to spice up their sex life. The excitement is something they experience together. The only sneaking around these couples might be engaging in, is from their family and friends. Swinging creates a very strong bond; you are naughty together.
When you consider the freedom that swinging brings to both members of the couple, who would feel the need to cheat? Sure, there are always exceptions, but that shows a true character fault. Generally speaking, swingers would agree that they have no reason to cheat. Swinging helps them to avoid infedelity.
Many couples who have been in the lifestyle for many years reach different levels of comfort with separating while swinging. Some couples have no problem allowing their significant other to play on their own while traveling or with friends they have met in the lifestyle. They talk about how much pleasure they get just from hearing about the escapades of their partners. The only request they make of each other is to tell them about what they do when they play on their own. Some couples never separate and continue their swinging journey side by side. Either way, the degree of trust and freedom is immeasurable compared with those not in the lifestyle.
Everyone is different and perhaps there are couples who never feel the desire to play outside their marriage. It seems that number would be very low when you consider how rampant infidelity is.
My question to those not in the lifestyle is this: why not try to explore together what both of you are secretly wishing for? It is impossible to believe that every married adult at some point has not fantasized about having sex with someone else. A neighbor, a teacher, a coworker, someone famous or your spouse’s best friend. The best part about swinging is that these are no longer secrets or fantasies! You and your partner not only talk about what your sexual fantasies are, you experience them together. What could be more honest and intimate than that? That is what creates such a strong bond between swingers. When you have everything you need at home, why would you need to go elsewhere?
When we think about swinging, we do not think about love. The purpose of swinging is to have fun. To find another couple or a single man or woman to fulfill a fantasy. Sex is a physical act and does not require love to participate. Swinging equates to sex without love whereas a marriage incorporates love and sex.
To people who are not in the lifestyle, it is a very difficult concept for them to grasp. They frequently ask if couples in the lifestyle are afraid that their partner might fall in love with someone else. Sure, anything is possible, but you do not have to be a swinger to be at risk of falling in love with someone else.
Swinging has nothing to do with love. Swingers do not seek out the lifestyle to find a partner to share their life with. Single swingers might be looking for love. Some are looking for someone who shares their lifestyle views. Couples are not there for this reason.
Vanilla couples cannot understand how swingers do not get jealous when they see their partner with someone else but it always reminds me of something from the Bible. The following is a part of the passage, not the entire thing: (I am not religious, or Catholic, but this always comes to mind):
Love is patient. Love is kind. Love does not envy, it does not put on airs, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, and it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. So Faith, Hope and Love abide these three; But the Greatest of these is Love.”
In my opinion, the only role love plays in swinging, is between the couple that decides together that they would like to explore the lifestyle. You love your partner enough to give them the freedom to partake in things they otherwise could not, and you find joy in seeing them enjoy those things. You have faith in your partner; you allow them to play because you are sure they will come back to you. You are able to express love for each other by forging your own path. You do not allow others to dictate to you what is normal. Although society equates love with monogamy, you choose to define love your own way and you know the love between you and your partner is mutually exclusive. You hope that your love is forever and that these experiences will only enrich your lives.
There is no love between couples that play but there can be infatuation or lust. How can you love someone that you don’t really know? The person who shows up at parties or swing clubs or on vacations or cruises allows you to see only a small part of who they are. The real person is the one who has to get up for work in the mornings; the person who has to clean up after their children or their dog. The true person is not always dancing and having fun but paying bills and dealing with stress. Until you know that person, how can you really know that you love them?
The part of swinging that makes it so enjoyable is that we get to dress up, have a few drinks, dance or socialize then move onto the swinging aspect. Spending an evening with swingers is like going out on New Year’s Eve. It’s always a big party, but is that real life? It is an awful lot of fun and the environment lends itself to getting hot for other people, but that is the whole point. We go into swing clubs looking for others to spend a few hours with but not our lives.
If people in the lifestyle were not able to separate sex and love, swinging could not exist. It is the rare couple who can find that delicate balance and make it work. If couples were constantly falling in love with each other, swing clubs would be empty. Who would want to risk their relationship for an evening of fun?
The most important thing is to keep perspective. Having sex with someone else is just for a moment of pleasure, whereas being in a committed relationship is hopefully for a lifetime.
Swingers generally believe that they are keeping their lifestyle a secret. They go about their lives in the vanilla world with their children and their jobs waiting for the weekends. Suddenly, as the weekend arrives, these regular Jones change into party animals. You can spot them by the clothing they wear and the smiles on their faces. Most swingers I know, anxiously await the time to leave their homes for their night out.
Don’t get me wrong, all through the week swingers are mentally planning their next adventure whether it be a meet and greet, hotel takeover, visit to a swing club or a night at a private party. Women are planning what they will wear and men are stocking up on their liquor of choice (swing events are almost always bring your own bottle). They might outwardly appear to be regular people, with regular lives, but come the weekend, all bets are off!
At some point, many swingers come to the realization that perhaps their private life is not such a secret after all. It might be a family member or close friend who mentions that they have been aware for some time that the two of you are swingers. It might be the way people look at you or subjects they talk to you about. Sometimes people will not come right out and confront you but will drop subtle hints hoping you will start the dialogue. Whatever the case, if you are active in the lifestyle, chances are, some people close to you have figured it out.
Ok, so now someone has confronted you and you figure what the heck, I will fess up. The first question they are likely to ask is: why are you swingers?
This is the best question ever! I would probably respond by saying, “How much time do you have?”
The reasons that bring people into the lifestyle are probably not the reasons that keep them there. Many people enter the lifestyle because they are curious or would like to play out their fantasies or see their partner do something while they watch. Those are not really the reasons people stay in the lifestyle. Once you know what is behind that door, if you are like most people, you don’t want to close it!
So why are we swingers? Let’s see… before we were in the lifestyle, our weekends were pretty predictable. Friday nights were usually met with the same “what do you want to do tonight” followed by the same question on Saturday night. It’s not that we didn’t have a social life, we did, and we had plenty of friends. However, how many weekends can you spend going out for dinner or a movie? Parties? Most parties were for birthdays or holidays, but not really more than that. When we did have these weekly dinners with friends what did we talk about? Almost every time we would talk about our children and perhaps work. Occasionally, something more exciting like a current event or the new nail girl somebody had found. Thrilling, right?
Enter, the lifestyle… What do we now do on weekends? Go to parties or swing clubs every single Friday and Saturday night. What do we talk about with our lifestyle friends? Sex! Well, not just sex, we talk about everything. Our conversations are open and honest about our lives and our relationships. Lifestyle friends allow us to speak openly about what we do both in our bedroom and in the backroom. With these friends we talk about new sex toys and tasty lubes. We talk about where we shop for our club clothes and stiletto heels. Often, we talk about what we did with our friends’ husbands and we laugh often! When we are with our lifestyle friends, we plan lifestyle vacations and outings. The more friends we meet while there, the better! We have sleepovers and weekday excursions whenever possible.
Why are we swingers? Because our lives have never been more fun or full! It is like being a teenager all over again but without all the drama! We dance and party until all hours of the night and whatever we do on any given night is over when we walk out the door. It becomes a fun memory to be rehashed over breakfast with our significant other the next morning. There is nothing quite like sharing a naughty secret with your significant other! The looks you give each other and the snickers between the two of you are priceless. You become partners in crime and it does wonders for a relationship.
The lifestyle is all about fun! So the next time someone discovers you are a swinger and they ask why, I would ask them “why not?!”