Newsflash:  Women are sexual beings who have fantasies and desires of their own. They also love sex!

Woman who loves sex in bed wearing Partners ID lifestyle necklace
Woman who loves sex in bed wearing Partners ID lifestyle necklace

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Sex is not simply something that only men enjoy.  Women get a tremendous amount of pleasure from it as well.  Why do women have such a hard time admitting this?

Why is a woman’s sexuality still such a confusing topic?  Why do so many people still believe that women are sexual simply to please men?  This stereotype still exists and casts a shadow over women who readily admit that they enjoy sex.  

Still, to this day, if a woman says she loves sex, this causes people to make assumptions about her:  She’s wild, she’s a whore, she will sleep with anyone, etc.  Where does this come from?  Why is it when men say they love sex (which they never have to say, it is always assumed) it is taken in stride?  It is normal for men to love sex but something is very wrong when a woman does. 

I can remember a conversation I had with some friends many years ago.  One woman mentioned that it was her husband’s birthday and so she gave him the obligatory blow job that morning.  It was something she was only willing to do once a year.  I was honestly in shock and blurted out, “Once a year?!  I give my husband a blow job every day!”  With that comment, all heads turned in unison to stare at me with mouthes wide open.  They all thought my husband must be some type of a monster to force me to do this.  Force me?  I explained that I loved pleasuring him and it turned me on to see him so excited.  All four women shook their heads in disbelief and the topic was dropped.  

I remember thinking that not one of them believed me when I said I enjoyed it.  Thankfully I didn’t tell them we had sex twice a day every day because I love sex.  I did wonder, after this conversation, why women had such a hard time believing that another woman could find pleasure in giving her man head.  Was I different?

The answer is, yes, I think I am different.  Different from many women simply because I am willing to admit that I love sex.  While it is certainly possible that not every woman does love it, I do believe that many more women love it than are willing to admit to it.  Why do women pretend not to love sex?  Certainly it is not always pleasurable if the person you are with is not very good at it.  There are however, toys and aids to help.  It is also a good idea to guide your partner if they are not good at understanding what you need or what feels good to you. Most men truly want to please their partner and prefer she tell him then leave him guessing.  Men also get pleasure from seeing their partner enjoying themselves and getting turned on.  If a man feels that a woman is having sex with him out of obligation, he will not enjoy it in the same way.

Many women seem a bit shy to express their desire for sex.  Let’s face it, we grew up learning that girls who love sex were dirty and easy.  They were thought to be indiscriminate in who they slept with and were willing to do anything to please a guy.  It seems nobody ever thought to ask a girl if perhaps she wanted to have sex with guys purely because she enjoyed it. 

I love sex but that does not mean that I am not particular about who I will play with.  I do not cruise around by day looking to pick up men for a quickie. I am also not a nymphomaniac.  There is nothing extraordinary about me.  I am a mother, a daughter, sister, employee, and wife who just happens to enjoy sex.  You wouldn’t be able to spot me on the street and think:  now there’s a woman who loves sex! 

The lifestyle seems to be the perfect fit for sexual women.  Swinging attracts women with all different types of sexual appetites.  It is a safe and comfortable environment for women who love to simply watch others have sex, to the opposite extreme of women who like gang bangs, and everything in between.  Nobody is there to judge, and this type of environment allows women to speak and act freely regarding their sexual desires.  It can be very liberating for women who always thought they were not normal simply because they love sex.  

Digiprove sealCopyright secured by Digiprove © 2018

Ok, fine, I’m a slut, a whore and a nymphomaniac. But, you should know, I’m very satisfied!

Slutty woman in underwear wearing Partners ID belly ring
Slutty woman in underwear wearing Partners ID belly ring

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Slut is a word we are all familiar with.  We heard it used a lot in high school to shame girls who had sex with too many guys.  It did not occur to me in those years that we did not have a term for the males who were doing the same thing.

I stumbled upon an article the other day which was talking about the number of sexual partners people have had over the course of their lifetime, and what it says about them.

https://onlinedoctor.superdrug.com/whats-your-number/

The article is actually quite interesting and at the same time a bit alarming. As a swinger, reading that the general population thinks that the ideal number of past sexual partners for both men and women is 7, concerns me.  Seven?! Seriously?! I know people who have sex with 7 different people in one night!

My immediate reaction to the notion that a new man in my life would want to hear that I have only slept with 7 men prior to him, was that I felt a little nauseous. I think I had slept with 7 guys before I graduated from college. What does this mean? I was (and still am) a total slut?  Probably, but lucky for me, my husband appreciates the fact that I love sex as much as he does.

I don’t think anyone would be surprised to learn that both men and women tended to change their true numbers slightly (at their own admission). Men tended to say they have had sex with more women than they actually have, while women tended to say they have had sex with less partners than they have. It is a surprise to me that in the year 2017 people are still so antiquated in their thinking. Men want to be with women who love sex, but they don’t want to be with women who have been too sexually active or who are too experienced.

Perhaps because I have been married for a long time I have lost touch with single stigmas, but come on people, this is 2017. Many people in their 50s, 60s and 70s are part of the baby boomer population. They believe in sex, drugs and rock and roll, don’t they? This generation was having sex, and a lot of it, back in the 60s and 70s. You mean to tell me they were part of this survey? I think not.

I also would have imagined that we were no longer holding women to a different standard than men. We still think men are studs when they have many conquests while women remain sluts for doing the same. We pat men on the back for their accomplishments in bed while we shake our heads in disdain at the women with whom they are doing this. Every time I think we’ve come a long way (baby) I discover that perhaps we really have not. Even the terms we are still using to describe sexually adventurous women versus men have remained unchanged in the way one degrades the woman, while the other praises the man. According to Wikipedia, the term slut is as follows:

Slut is generally a term for a woman or girl who is considered to have loose sexual morals or who is sexually promiscuous.[1][2] It is usually used as an insult, sexual slur or offensive term of disparagement (slut shaming).[2][3] It originally meant “a dirty, slovenly woman”,[2] and is rarely used to refer to men, generally requiring clarification by use of the terms male slut or man whore.

Today, the term slut has a pervasive presence in popular culture and pornography, but is almost exclusively used to describe women. An exact male equivalent of the term does not exist. The lack of a comparably popular term for men highlights the double standard in societal expectations (gender roles) between males and females, as negative terms for sexually promiscuous males are rare.[5][14]

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Slut

This is one of the reasons why swinging and the lifestyle are such wonderful outlets. Nobody is judging anyone within the lifestyle. If you love sex, good for you! Curious to try something new? This is the place! Judge free zone! Everyone is free to explore their fantasies. In all of the years that I have been in the lifestyle, I have never heard anyone put a woman down for sleeping with too many men. Even the women who like gang bangs and trains. Most people just shrug their shoulders and say whatever she’s into to, glad she’s having fun.

For swingers, the standards set by the general population do not apply. Men in the lifestyle are not really interested in women who do not want to play. People are in the lifestyle for this purpose! Sexually open women are the norm, as are the sexually adventurous women.  Men seem drawn to the women who exude sex as they are certain that it will prove to be an enjoyable experience.  As far as asking about or caring about how many sexual partners someone has had?  I’ve never heard anyone discuss this within the confines of the lifestyle. Truth is, most people would probably laugh and say, “I have no idea, I lost count!”

It fascinates me that men who are not in the lifestyle prefer women who have slept with (at most) 7 partners. They feel that more than that signifies a promiscuous woman. What the survey did not discuss was a woman’s age. What if she’s 50 and has never been married? I hope these men are open to the thought that their partner to be likes to masturbate. Or, open to the notion that this partner does not like sex. Either way, how do you put a number on something like this, and more importantly who are they to judge?

Women also think the magic number of previous partners for men is 7. For a man who is 25, I can see the how this number is probably fair game. If the man is 40, I’m not so sure.

I think I can speak for most people in the lifestyle when I say that the number 7 made me laugh out loud when I heard it. Most real swingers who spend every weekend (and for some 1 or more nights a week) in a lifestyle venue of some sort, would probably agree that they hit that magic number often; some after a few weeks, others after a few months.

Does this make all the women in the lifestyle a bunch of sluts?  Probably to those who choose not to be in the lifestyle. What about the men? I imagine they would simply call the men in the lifestyle “lucky”. For those who are in the lifestyle, I sincerely doubt they care. They are usually both very happy in their relationship with their significant other and with their decision to swing. I suppose if any of us find ourselves single and being asked our “number,” we have two choices: lie or look for another swinger!

Digiprove sealCopyright secured by Digiprove © 2018

Life like dolls might be easy, but they are no replacement for swingers!

Life like doll

Every time I think I have seen everything, something new pops up.

There was a story in the New York Post about a Japanese man who is deeply in love with his life like female doll. The title of the article is:

“My sex doll is so much better than my real wife”.

You can read more about it here:

https://nypost.com/2017/06/30/i-love-my-sex-doll-because-she-never-grumbles/

The cost of each doll starts at $6000, so it is not a toy. The article says that the doll was developed in Japan because Japanese women can be so cold. Really?! So the answer to avoiding cold, Japanese women is to live with a doll?

When I read this, I couldn’t help but wonder what the heck is going on in the world. Sure, I’ve heard people say they prefer dogs or cats to people, but a doll? At least pets show affection! He talks about how much easier it is to get along with her and how she never requests anything from him. She doesn’t run up his credit card bills and is very agreeable. The doll is extremely life like with soft skin and detailed genitalia.

He elaborated about the time and attention he spends on his doll. He bathes her, dresses her, puts makeup on her, takes her out with him and yes, he has sex with her.

The obvious question here is: is she good in bed? Having been in the lifestyle for many years, that is naturally where my mind goes. I suppose on the one hand, she never says she’s too tired or has a headache. She is definitely open to anything you want to try or do with her. Your size is just right for her and she will never complain that you don’t last long enough or think about her needs. If all you need to enjoy sex with a woman is a body to lie there mute and let you do your thing, this sounds like a good fit. If you are looking for the warmth of human companionship, and perhaps a little action from your partner, that’s not going to happen with a doll. I did a little bit of research to see if there is a male doll, and yes, ladies, there is!

Another reason this doll might appeal to men is that after sex, the man is free to fall asleep with no conversation or cuddling. If she takes up too much room in the bed, he can just shove her off the side of the bed; she won’t complain. Without a doubt, she is open to anything that this guy comes up with! Maybe he brings his buddies over for some double penetration, or maybe a gang bang; I assure you she won’t mind.

Hopefully the fad will remain in Japan (I didn’t see any other places offering “Silicone Sally” for sale). I hate to imagine men showing up at swing clubs or private parties with their new girl. That would be awkward, but as we all know, there is always someone looking to get attention any way they can.

The need for a doll to replace a human would never come into play for swingers. The whole point of swinging is to have experiences with people other than your spouse. Rarely are swingers in the lifestyle because the woman is cold and does not like sex. Usually, it is the opposite!

Swinging offers people a chance to experience a variety of partners, many of whom might be interested in participating in something your spouse is not. There are no ties, it is just sex. Most swing clubs or events offer men the chance to experience things that they might not have the opportunity to have at home. Swingers also do not require cuddling or conversation after sex. Most of them are looking to switch back with the person they came to the club with, and either leave, or move on to someone else.

I suspect over time, the man from Japan will grow tired of his doll. The question is, what will he do with her when he has had enough? Leave her by the curb?

 

 

Being a swinger is like having an open door to live out your sexual fantasies!

truckblonde   Everyone has a fantasy of some sort.  Everyone has at least one sexual fantasy.  Most people probably have a repertoire of sexual fantasies.  How many people have ever told someone what their fantasies are?  For people who are not in the lifestyle, the thought of exposing these fantasies to anyone is impossible to imagine.  Perhaps for some people this is something they discuss with close friends but how many people would tell their partner?  Should this not be a part of an intimate relationship?  Are people fearful that their partner will laugh?  Be appalled?  Be scared?

What are sexual fantasies and why are they so common?  There are an endless amount of sexual fantasies that are common among men and women.  Although they tend to vary between sexes some themes are more common than others.  Some of the more common sexual fantasies are:

  1.  Having sex with someone you know, either a coworker, boss, employee, neighbor, friend, etc.
  2.  Something in the fetish category:  whips and chains, spanking and dominating, submissive sex, etc.
  3.  Having sex in public
  4. Exhibitionism – having others watch you having sex
  5. Voyuerism – watching others having sex
  6. Multiple partners — having sex with more than one person
  7. Gang bangs — either watching or being watched
  8. Masturbating oneself while their partner watches
  9. Girl on girl action — men and women both seem to want this!

You get the point!  The list could go on and on…

Do pent up fantasies contribute to people having affairs outside of their marriage?  Perhaps they do.  This is where swingers benefit!  If most people in the lifestyle were to look at the list above, they would agree that they have participated in many of those fantasies and more.  What is more wonderful than turning fantasy into reality?  Especially when you are engaging in these fantasies with your partner or with your partner nearby?  This is what helps build an open, honest relationship.  No secrets!  How wonderful to be able to open that door with the person you love and share it!

When couples are swingers, every lifestyle event holds promise of a new and exciting adventure.  New people, new situations, new fantasies.  There is no longer a need to make up scenarios secretly in your mind while having sex with your partner.  As every couples knows, there are only so many different positions and so many rooms in your house to have sex in.  After many years together it becomes more and more difficult to think of ways to keep things exciting.  It’s not that you don’t love your partner, it’s that sex can become routine and boring.  Imagine if the two of you were to discuss your secret fantasies.  Better yet, imagine if the two of you went out and tried to fulfill them together.

What could be more exciting than that?

 

Why does the word masturbation make people blush?

hornywoman

Masturbation has always been the kind of topic that causes people to blush and look down.  It seems that regardless of how much we evolve, even when it comes to speaking candidly about sex, masturbation remains taboo.

The subject of masturbation came to me (no pun intended)  when I was flipping through a magazine while waiting at my lawyer’s office.   It is always humorous when you come across racy magazine articles in such a stuffy environment.  As soon as the word masturbation is staring you in the face as the title of the article, you blush and flip the page.  Did anyone see it?  You look around casually and when you are certain no one is paying any attention to you, you nonchalantly turn back to that page.

The article appeared in an old Cosmopolitan magazine circa 2015,  It did not escape me that this magazine remained in this very conservative environment, while all of the other publications were current and more Town and Country in nature.  Perhaps someone left it behind?  In any event, once I began to read it, my only hope was that my lawyer would now run late enough to let me finish the article.

Just to wrap up that thought, of course, he did not.  I considered trying to swipe it on my way out of the office but there were too many people in the waiting room.  Besides which, there was an older woman reading it when I was leaving.  Luckily, this particular article can still be found online:

 http://www.cosmopolitan.com/sex-love/news/a45642/things-no-one-tells-you-about-masturbating/

When I did find this online, I discovered the topic was such a good one that they decided to go with a how to article in August of 2016:

http://www.cosmopolitan.com/sex-love/advice/a1602/solo-sex/

What struck me while reading this, was that in the latest article, this woman is actually instructing women on how to play with themselves.  Really?!  Do people need a manual for this?  This is a little hard for me to understand.  There are some things that humans do naturally, and I truly believe that this is one of them.  After all, no one could possibly be more in tune with your body than yourself, right?  When you touch yourself, you know what feels good and what does not.  The best part is, you don’t have to be too shy to tell yourself what you like.

In the first article, which is telling you things about masturbation that nobody has ever told you before, the author lets us in on a little secret:  2. It’s not some weird thing that only creepy perverts do in alleys while wearing dirty nightgowns.  Wow!  Thankfully she cleared this up because I imagine that is truly what people think. Really?  I had to laugh out loud over this because I never had that image!   The image that was planted in my mind was teenage boys in their bedrooms reading Penthouse or flipping through Playboy magazine with their bedroom door locked and kleenex box close by.  Although today, it’s probably more like teenage boys watching porn on the internet or having virtual sex.

It is very hard to believe that some people have never masturbated in their lives.  From what I have read, when some people grow up in a very religious household, it is drilled into their minds that this is a sin.  I can remember as a child hearing that some people believed that if they touched themselves they would go blind or grow warts on the palms of their hands.  I imagine when they discover this is not true, they make up for lost time and masturbate more than others.

The question is why are adults so freaked out when they see their child touch their genitals?  We don’t react when the child rubs their eyes or ears.  It is very confusing for small children to understand the difference, because to them, they are simply touching a part of their own body, so what is the difference?  This particular part also feels better when touched than an eye or ear.  How adults respond to this will shape the future of how this child feels towards touching their own bodies.

Do people who have all the sex they need to be happy still masturbate?  Let’s face it, most swingers have a lot of sex; both with their partners and with others.  Do they still feel the need to masturbate?  While there is no universal study done to answer this question, from those I did ask, the answer was yes.  Why?  Because there are times they feel the urge and nobody is around to play with!   Or, sometimes they just feel like it.

There are many times in the backroom of a swing club I have seen both men and women playing with themselves.  No question, nine times out of ten it is a man, but never the less, it happens even there.  The best part is, seeing how free people can feel to do what comes naturally without concern of judgement.

The bottom line is, if humans are not supposed to play with themselves, why did our creator make it feel so good?