Jealousy; why do some people suffer with this while others seem immune?

Jealous woman
Jealous woman sitting at bar with her husband flirting in the background

 

What is jealousy?

According to dictionary.com, jealousy is defined as the following:

1.jealous resentment against a rival, a person enjoying success or advantage, etc., or against another’s success or advantage itself.
2.mental uneasiness from suspicion or fear of rivalry, unfaithfulness, etc., as in love or aims.
3.vigilance in maintaining or guarding something.
4.a jealous feeling, disposition, state, or mood.

 

Are some people more prone to feeling jealous?

It certainly seems that some people really struggle with jealousy issues, while others seem immune. The lifestyle is absolutely an environment where jealousy can really come into play. Perhaps the ability to control or avoid jealousy stems from our upbringing. When parents teach their children not to compare themselves with others, this is a healthy way to teach self confidence.

Teaching children to treat others in a way they would like to be treated can also go a long way in helping. If children are taught to understand that their kindness and empathy for others is important, they will learn to practice this. When people grow up with the understanding that they should follow the “Golden Rule”: ‘do unto others as you would have them do unto you,’ it goes a long way to understanding how to treat others.

 

Why do some people have such issues with this? Is it because they don’t feel good about themselves?

Why is it that some people have no problem with jealousy, while others really suffer with this? Although we tend to think jealousy stems from a lack of self confidence, in fact, it really has little to do with this. Jealousy usually occurs when you do not have confidence in the other person. If your partner thinks about his or herself first, this can become a problem. If your partner, on the other hand, always seems to consider how you are feeling, it goes a long way to making you feel relaxed and secure. Even for those who struggle with low self esteem, if your partner is always complimenting you and making you feel good about yourself, you will eventually come to trust that your partner feels attracted to you. Swinging can bring up serious issues about insecurity. If your partner gives you the confidence to feel good about yourself, this will go a long way in helping to curb any jealous feelings.

 

Communication between a couple will go along way to helping to avoid any jealous feelings.

The lifestyle is obviously not for everyone. Couples who choose to swing must have a very solid relationship. Couples who have this strong bond are very open with each other about what works for them and what does not. Communication is key to success in the lifestyle. If one partner has any doubts about why their partner wants to swing, this could lead to disaster. Before attempting to swing, couples should discuss what they are comfortable with. If one person is afraid they might feel jealous, the couple should address this ahead of time to try to understand why. They should then figure out how to eliminate any doubts from the person’s mind about the reasons their partner wants to swing. The jealous partner will never be the one to seek out the lifestyle; they will be the one who goes along.

 

Does it mean that you love a person more if seeing them with someone else makes you jealous?

Actually, it has nothing to do with that. Jealousy can become a problem for anyone if they do not trust their partner. It does not matter if you are a swinger or not. If your partner does not make you feel secure, jealousy is the result. You begin to question their motives, especially in the lifestyle.

 

How can we learn to either avoid it or eliminate jealous feelings?

When you are a swinger, if your partner always consults with you regarding what you would like or who you would like to play with, there would be no reason to feel jealous. If your partner keeps checking in to make sure you are happy and comfortable, you feel they care about you. How could you feel jealous when someone makes you a priority?

When you take the attitude that what is good for you, is good for your partner, it helps keep you balanced. If you want your partner to treat you a certain way, you should first treat your partner that way. It starts at the very beginning of any evening. When you take time to get dressed and look your best, if your partner says nothing, you wonder if maybe you don’t look great. You start to second guess your hair, what you are wearing, etc. If, on the other hand, your partner takes notice and tells you how nice you look, the night will start off on a better note.

If your partner grabs your hand while you are talking to other couples, it makes you feel united. When they pay you a compliment in front of others, it also makes you feel special. Going that little extra distance will make any partner feel special and important. Imagine if everyone took a moment out of their night to tune in to the person they are with to let them know how special they are. Maybe an unexpected kiss or touch; it goes a long way to making your partner feel loved. When you feel loved and secure, there is never a reason to feel jealous.

Communicating the reason you swing to your partner will also help to avoid jealous feelings. When you remind them that they are your priority, it helps them to accept seeing you play with someone else. When you take the time to tell you partner that swinging is for the moment, that they are your partner and you will go home together, it makes a big difference. When you are playing with someone else, a simple touch or kiss with your partner reminds them that you are there for them all the time. It tells them that even though you are playing with someone else, they are still thinking about you.

 

Can we learn to turn off jealous feelings?

If a couple takes the time to practice these tips, there should be no reason for anyone to feel jealous. Just remember, the next time you want to leer at someone you are interested in or disregard your partner’s lack of desire to play with another couple that you are not thinking about them. If one person is always thinking about themselves, jealousy will come into play for their partner.

Always remember that what is good for you, is good for your partner. If you treat your partner in a way that is respectful and loving, you give them no reason to feel jealous. It’s that simple.

Newsflash:  Women are sexual beings who have fantasies and desires of their own. They also love sex!

Woman who loves sex in bed wearing Partners ID lifestyle necklace
Woman who loves sex in bed wearing Partners ID lifestyle necklace

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Sex is not simply something that only men enjoy.  Women get a tremendous amount of pleasure from it as well.  Why do women have such a hard time admitting this?

Why is a woman’s sexuality still such a confusing topic?  Why do so many people still believe that women are sexual simply to please men?  This stereotype still exists and casts a shadow over women who readily admit that they enjoy sex.  

Still, to this day, if a woman says she loves sex, this causes people to make assumptions about her:  She’s wild, she’s a whore, she will sleep with anyone, etc.  Where does this come from?  Why is it when men say they love sex (which they never have to say, it is always assumed) it is taken in stride?  It is normal for men to love sex but something is very wrong when a woman does. 

I can remember a conversation I had with some friends many years ago.  One woman mentioned that it was her husband’s birthday and so she gave him the obligatory blow job that morning.  It was something she was only willing to do once a year.  I was honestly in shock and blurted out, “Once a year?!  I give my husband a blow job every day!”  With that comment, all heads turned in unison to stare at me with mouthes wide open.  They all thought my husband must be some type of a monster to force me to do this.  Force me?  I explained that I loved pleasuring him and it turned me on to see him so excited.  All four women shook their heads in disbelief and the topic was dropped.  

I remember thinking that not one of them believed me when I said I enjoyed it.  Thankfully I didn’t tell them we had sex twice a day every day because I love sex.  I did wonder, after this conversation, why women had such a hard time believing that another woman could find pleasure in giving her man head.  Was I different?

The answer is, yes, I think I am different.  Different from many women simply because I am willing to admit that I love sex.  While it is certainly possible that not every woman does love it, I do believe that many more women love it than are willing to admit to it.  Why do women pretend not to love sex?  Certainly it is not always pleasurable if the person you are with is not very good at it.  There are however, toys and aids to help.  It is also a good idea to guide your partner if they are not good at understanding what you need or what feels good to you. Most men truly want to please their partner and prefer she tell him then leave him guessing.  Men also get pleasure from seeing their partner enjoying themselves and getting turned on.  If a man feels that a woman is having sex with him out of obligation, he will not enjoy it in the same way.

Many women seem a bit shy to express their desire for sex.  Let’s face it, we grew up learning that girls who love sex were dirty and easy.  They were thought to be indiscriminate in who they slept with and were willing to do anything to please a guy.  It seems nobody ever thought to ask a girl if perhaps she wanted to have sex with guys purely because she enjoyed it. 

I love sex but that does not mean that I am not particular about who I will play with.  I do not cruise around by day looking to pick up men for a quickie. I am also not a nymphomaniac.  There is nothing extraordinary about me.  I am a mother, a daughter, sister, employee, and wife who just happens to enjoy sex.  You wouldn’t be able to spot me on the street and think:  now there’s a woman who loves sex! 

The lifestyle seems to be the perfect fit for sexual women.  Swinging attracts women with all different types of sexual appetites.  It is a safe and comfortable environment for women who love to simply watch others have sex, to the opposite extreme of women who like gang bangs, and everything in between.  Nobody is there to judge, and this type of environment allows women to speak and act freely regarding their sexual desires.  It can be very liberating for women who always thought they were not normal simply because they love sex.  

Halloween in the lifestyle; why wearing a costume could help make your night the best ever!

Sexy swinger dressed for Halloween with Partners ID necklace
Sexy swinger dressed for Halloween with Partners ID necklace

Boo!

Halloween will be here before you know it!  What are you planning to dress up as this year?  A policeman, Little Red Ridinghood maybe a schoolgirl?

People frequently ask us what we will be dressed as for Halloween.  Naturally, our answer is always the same; swingers of course!  No, we are not party poopers and we have come up with some pretty clever costume ideas over the years.  What we have noticed, is that there are many people who take this opportunity to dress up in a way that makes them unrecognizable to others.  We believe that there is a reason they do this.
Some people in the lifestyle are extremely outgoing and have no problem approaching other couples.  Every chance they get, they mingle and flirt and generally know most of the people at any party by the end of the evening.  Then there are others who are too shy or insecure to approach other couples.  This makes Halloween the perfect opportunity for them to come out of their shells by hiding behind a costume.
Think about it, if you are wearing a mask and people cannot identify you, do you not feel bolder?   If you approach a couple and you are wearing a mask, chances are they will be very friendly because they are not sure whether or not they know you.  This is exactly what we have observed occurring every Halloween.  There are always a few couples wearing the kind of costume that makes it impossible to guess who they are.  It is very possible that some of these masked guests are new to the lifestyle. They are taking the opportunity to visit a swing club and remain anonymous.

Whatever the case, if you are one of those “shy” people, perhaps this is the perfect time for you to take advantage and go after what you want!  There are women in the lifestyle who always wear a wig when they are at a lifestyle event.  They claim they have more confidence because people do not recognize them and they like it that way.  Costumes are also a good conversation starter.  Complimenting others on how clever they are or how perfect their costume, makes it easy to open the dialogue.  Once you have begun a conversation it is easy to introduce yourselves and ask the other couple questions about themselves.

 The other fascinating part of dressing up for Halloween is noticing costume choices.  I cannot help but observe that some of the quieter more shy couples take advantage of this holiday by wearing outrageous costumes.  Some choose very provocative, sexy costumes.  Many of the timid girls tend to go for the slutty look and the men frequently focus on calling attention to their genitals in one way or another.  It always makes me wonder if they wish they could be more sexually open on regular lifestyle nights.
Even the play areas during Halloween seem busier than usual.  Many couples keep their masks on, and again, seem more determined than usual, to go after what they what.  Somehow, the use of masks in the play area is reminiscent of the movie Eyes Wide Shut ( a 1999 erotic drama film) starring Tom Cruise.
Whatever the case may be, whatever your costume of choice, tonight is the night to be bold and go for what you want.  Costumes allow us all the freedom to be someone else for an evening.  What could be more liberating than that?
Don’t forget to wear your lifestyle jewelry so even though others might not recognize you, they will recognize your jewelry!  Find it here:  https://www.swingersjewelry.net

Our jewelry helps a couple in France discover something exciting!

French couple wearing Partners ID jewelry on the beach
French couple wearing Partners ID jewelry on the beach

We love hearing from everyone all around the world about their successes wearing the jewelry. This is a letter we received from a customer about her experience with the jewelry.  It was written both in English and French and we included our response in both English and French underneath. Keep the emails coming!

Salut Partners ID,

I just wanted to drop you a line and let you know how well the jewelry works! Such a simple concept with such a great result!

I was born and raised in America, but after college I met a man and moved to the south of France with him. We lived there for 15 years. Part of my initial attraction to him was the sexual chemistry that we had (and of course his sexy French accent). It was intense and lasted quite awhile but something was always missing.

We always spend several weeks each summer at Cap D’agde (a very popular nudist and swinger village), and we always have a good time.  We spend our days naked on the beach, drink cocktails at sundown, have dinner and hit the clubs. We play mostly together, which is fine by me, but still something was missing (in my life).

It was during our last trip to Cap D’agde that we discovered your jewelry. We had seen many other couples wearing it and decided to buy pieces for ourselves. The very day I slipped on the necklace, I was alone at the beach when a woman approached me. She, too, was wearing your necklace so I knew that she was a swinger. She introduced herself and sat on the edge of my blanket. As we talked, she gently touched my leg. It was like an electric shock ran through me. She could immediately sense my response as my erect nipples were hard to hide. We sat and talked for about an hour and agreed to meet with our husbands later on at a club.

As I lay in the sun on the beach I considered my response to her touch. I had never played with another woman but the very thought of it made me extremely horny. One of the things I most enjoyed about the American club we had visited was watching women play together.  It is not as common here and I always found it a turn on.   I packed up my beach gear and rushed back to the room to talk with my husband. I told him about the beach and he laughed. We have a very open marriage and he was happy at the thought of seeing me play with another woman. We had been swinging for years but I never really had the opportunity to play with another woman.

Needless to say, that evening was the most memorable of my entire adult life. I realized that what was missing from my life was another woman! I didn’t realize that I was bisexual before. We were able to get together a few times before she left to go home to Germany and she promised to look us up when she came to the states.

Had I not been wearing the jewelry, this would never have happened. It has opened a door for me that might never have been opened, and I am grateful that this happened!

The jewelry is really beautiful and very easy to spot! As I mentioned, it is quite popular in France and now that we are back home in the states, we plan to wear it all the time.

Merci et bisous à vous!

Danielle y Marcel

Cher Danielle y Marcel,

Merci sincerement ,a tout ceux et celles qui prennent le temps de nous partager leurs enthousiasmes ,concernant notre creation de bijous libertin.Nous sommes tres fier du resultat positif ,car seulement après 2 ans de lancement ,nous recevons continuellement des temoignages encourageants comme les votres a cette effet et ce de partout dans le monde ,aussi loin que de l Australie a Dubail,du Japon a l Afrique Du Sud,d Israel passant par l Europe juste qu en Amerique du Nord ainsi que d Argentine aux Indes.Nous apprecions grandement vos commantaire ,qui nous aident a amiliorer de jour en jour, nos produits destines au monde libertin. A+

(Thank you sincerely, to all of you who take the time to share your enthusiasm concerning our creation of lifestyle jewelry. We are very proud of the positive result!  It has now been 4 years since launching the line and we continuously receive encouraging testimonials like yours about its success from all over the world. We hear from people from as far away as Australia to Dubai, Japan to South Africa, Israel passing through Europe, in North America as well as Argentina to India. We greatly appreciate your commentaries, which help us to improve from day to day. Our products are destined to be for everyone in the lifestyle all around the world.)

Ok, fine, I’m a slut, a whore and a nymphomaniac. But, you should know, I’m very satisfied!

Slutty woman in underwear wearing Partners ID belly ring
Slutty woman in underwear wearing Partners ID belly ring

Slut is a word we are all familiar with.  We heard it used a lot in high school to shame girls who had sex with too many guys.  It did not occur to me in those years that we did not have a term for the males who were doing the same thing.

I stumbled upon an article the other day which was talking about the number of sexual partners people have had over the course of their lifetime, and what it says about them.

https://onlinedoctor.superdrug.com/whats-your-number/

The article is actually quite interesting and at the same time a bit alarming. As a swinger, reading that the general population thinks that the ideal number of past sexual partners for both men and women is 7, concerns me.  Seven?! Seriously?! I know people who have sex with 7 different people in one night!

My immediate reaction to the notion that a new man in my life would want to hear that I have only slept with 7 men prior to him, was that I felt a little nauseous. I think I had slept with 7 guys before I graduated from college. What does this mean? I was (and still am) a total slut?  Probably, but lucky for me, my husband appreciates the fact that I love sex as much as he does.

I don’t think anyone would be surprised to learn that both men and women tended to change their true numbers slightly (at their own admission). Men tended to say they have had sex with more women than they actually have, while women tended to say they have had sex with less partners than they have. It is a surprise to me that in the year 2017 people are still so antiquated in their thinking. Men want to be with women who love sex, but they don’t want to be with women who have been too sexually active or who are too experienced.

Perhaps because I have been married for a long time I have lost touch with single stigmas, but come on people, this is 2017. Many people in their 50s, 60s and 70s are part of the baby boomer population. They believe in sex, drugs and rock and roll, don’t they? This generation was having sex, and a lot of it, back in the 60s and 70s. You mean to tell me they were part of this survey? I think not.

I also would have imagined that we were no longer holding women to a different standard than men. We still think men are studs when they have many conquests while women remain sluts for doing the same. We pat men on the back for their accomplishments in bed while we shake our heads in disdain at the women with whom they are doing this. Every time I think we’ve come a long way (baby) I discover that perhaps we really have not. Even the terms we are still using to describe sexually adventurous women versus men have remained unchanged in the way one degrades the woman, while the other praises the man. According to Wikipedia, the term slut is as follows:

Slut is generally a term for a woman or girl who is considered to have loose sexual morals or who is sexually promiscuous.[1][2] It is usually used as an insult, sexual slur or offensive term of disparagement (slut shaming).[2][3] It originally meant “a dirty, slovenly woman”,[2] and is rarely used to refer to men, generally requiring clarification by use of the terms male slut or man whore.

Today, the term slut has a pervasive presence in popular culture and pornography, but is almost exclusively used to describe women. An exact male equivalent of the term does not exist. The lack of a comparably popular term for men highlights the double standard in societal expectations (gender roles) between males and females, as negative terms for sexually promiscuous males are rare.[5][14]

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Slut

This is one of the reasons why swinging and the lifestyle are such wonderful outlets. Nobody is judging anyone within the lifestyle. If you love sex, good for you! Curious to try something new? This is the place! Judge free zone! Everyone is free to explore their fantasies. In all of the years that I have been in the lifestyle, I have never heard anyone put a woman down for sleeping with too many men. Even the women who like gang bangs and trains. Most people just shrug their shoulders and say whatever she’s into to, glad she’s having fun.

For swingers, the standards set by the general population do not apply. Men in the lifestyle are not really interested in women who do not want to play. People are in the lifestyle for this purpose! Sexually open women are the norm, as are the sexually adventurous women.  Men seem drawn to the women who exude sex as they are certain that it will prove to be an enjoyable experience.  As far as asking about or caring about how many sexual partners someone has had?  I’ve never heard anyone discuss this within the confines of the lifestyle. Truth is, most people would probably laugh and say, “I have no idea, I lost count!”

It fascinates me that men who are not in the lifestyle prefer women who have slept with (at most) 7 partners. They feel that more than that signifies a promiscuous woman. What the survey did not discuss was a woman’s age. What if she’s 50 and has never been married? I hope these men are open to the thought that their partner likes to masturbate. Or, open to the notion that this partner does not like sex. Either way, how do you put a number on something like this, and more importantly who are they to judge?

Women also think the magic number of previous partners for men is 7. For a man who is 25, I can see how this number is probably fair game. If the man is 40, I’m not so sure.

I think I can speak for most people in the lifestyle when I say that the number 7 made me laugh out loud when I heard it. Most real swingers who spend every weekend (and for some 1 or more nights a week) in a lifestyle venue of some sort, would probably agree that they hit that magic number often; some after a few weeks, others after a few months.

Does this make all the women in the lifestyle a bunch of sluts?  Probably to those who choose not to be in the lifestyle. What about the men? I imagine they would simply call the men in the lifestyle “lucky”. For those who are in the lifestyle, I sincerely doubt they care. They are usually both very happy in their relationship with their significant other and with their decision to swing. I suppose if any of us find ourselves single and being asked our “number,” we have two choices: lie or look for another swinger!

Speaking of looking for other swingers: that’s what our lifestyle jewelry was created for! Click here to find the perfect piece for you!     https://www.swingersjewelry.net/jewelry-for-swingers/

Embarrassing situations swingers find themselves in…

Are you a swinger?  If you are, you can definitely relate to some of these embarrassing (but true) stories!

My husband and I had my parents over for dinner a few nights ago.  We were sitting at the table enjoying our coffee when our dog skirted under the table to enjoy what I thought was something my father had given her from his plate of leftovers.  Before long she was looking for my mother’s attention so my mother was petting her absentmindedly.  Next thing I know, my mother holds out her hand to show us what the dog had deposited.  It was a chewed up condom package with (thankfully) the condom still inside.  My husband and I were literally sweating,  trying desperately to figure out how to explain this.  Since neither of us could think of anything to say we acted like we couldn’t imagine where she had gotten it.  I didn’t feel comfortable admitting we had had a party that weekend and always supply condoms for our guests to use while they play on the very couch you were sitting on before dinner.  Nope, I didn’t think that would go over very well.  The next morning I did phone her and say that it probably had been in my son’s bedroom and the dog had managed to find it.

You might want to pack a trench coat when you don’t know the destination.

A few weeks ago we were heading out on a Saturday night to a private party.  We know the couple who were throwing the party but we had never been to their home.   I usually bring something in the car to put on in case of an emergency (I have already had that problem two times).   We were in a hurry and I forgot until we were already on our way.  Since we were running late, I decided to forget about it for this one time.

We arrive at the address and to my surprise, it is a building.  Naturally, when we walk in there is a doorman, a man at the front desk and a gentleman who takes you upstairs in the elevator.  I feel especially pleased that I am wearing a super slutty outfit that is practically see through.  I imagined all three men watching us by video going up in the elevator taking bets on whether or not my husband had hired me for the night.

When we arrive at their condo, my friend opens the door and gets hysterical laughing.  She knew right away the shame I had to endure to get up to her apartment.  She was then concerned that I would be the first of many dressed like this and now the people downstairs would look at her differently.  Perhaps next time you might want to mention to lifestyle guests that there is a front desk!

Ordering online should be a private way to get what you want, right?

I love to dress up when we go to parties and clubs, and  I especially enjoy shopping for slutty clothing.  It can be difficult to find stores that carry this type of clothing so most of the time I shop online.

I placed an order with a store a few months ago and waited for the package to arrive.  It did not arrive as scheduled, so I checked the tracking.   It showed the package had been delivered.  I went back to see what address they had delivered it to since it was not mine.  When I looked it up, I realized the company had sent it to my old address!  I had the phone number for the new owners so I called her and asked if she had the package.  She said she didn’t think so but would get back to me.  She sent me a text message later that day saying it had indeed arrived and since she was on her way out, she would leave it at her front door for me to pick up.

I arrived at her house and pulled into the driveway.  I was anxious to jump out and just grab the package.  My old neighbor spots me and walks over to say hello.  I told her I was in a hurry but just needed to grab a package that was left at the door.  She says, “Yes, I know, Susan told me about the package.”  With that, she says goodbye and walks away.  I thought it was odd and couldn’t imagine why Susan would have mentioned it.

As soon as I approached the front door I understood why.  The package had been opened and clearly, she had seen what I had ordered.  OMG, how do I explain this?!  Everything I had ordered looked like something a dancer from a strip club would wear!

After taking some time to figure out how to explain this, I phoned her.    I told her this was not what I had ordered!  She said she was sorry she had opened it but had been expecting a package and just assumed that was her package.  She mumbled something about not really looking at what was inside but I could tell from the package that she had indeed looked at each piece!  We have not spoken since.

People in the lifestyle love to stop and smell the flowers, but what about stopping to smell the lube?

A friend had surgery recently and I went to visit her at home.  They live in the city so finding a place to park was a bit of a challenge.  I finally gave in and parked in a public garage.

When I was leaving, I turned out of the garage and as I drove past her building, I noticed her husband walking toward the entrance.  I honked and he came over to the car to say hello.  He was very excited and held up a bag to show me that he had been shopping.

I pulled over to the curb and he got in the passenger side to show me what he bought.  To cheer up my friend, he had gotten her some sexy lingerie, body powder, and some new lube.  He opened the bottle to let me smell it and as I leaned over to smell the bottle of lube someone knocked on my window.  I turn to see a policeman standing there asking me to roll down my window.  Not only was I parked in a fire zone but he wanted to see what we were sniffing.  I imagine he thought it was drugs.

Although sniffing lube isn’t illegal, it is still pretty embarrassing.    My friend held up the bottle for the policeman to see but he wanted me to hand it over.  I twisted the cap back on and reluctantly gave him the bottle.  After examining the bottle, he handed it back to me and informed us that public sex was a misdemeanor and suggested we move along!

Sex toys and children don’t mix…

A friend recently returned from a trip to New Orleans where she was visiting a child in college.  She had a wonderful time but since she and her husband spend every weekend at either a lifestyle event or swing club, it was very tame.

After taking her son and his roommate out for dinner, they walked my friend back to the hotel as they were heading out to meet friends.  After waiting a short time to make sure they were gone,  she headed out to see Bourbon Street at night.  She stopped at a bar and had a few drinks while mingling with the locals.

Soon after, she decided to take a walk down the street to see what was there.  She passed a shop that sold adult items and she walked in.  Excited to see such interesting toys, she decided to buy a friend an early birthday present:  a giant pink strap on.  They dropped her stuff in a plastic bag and she headed back toward the hotel.

As she was walking through the lobby, her son was talking to the person at the front desk.  When he spotted her, he rushed over to talk to her.  He had left his keys up in her room and needed them to get into his apartment.

They rode back up in the elevator together with his friend and she let them back into her room.  They seemed to be in no hurry to leave, so she sat on the edge of the bed and talked with them for a while.  She had to go to the bathroom so she got up from the bed and when she did, the package slid off the bed and the contents scattered across the floor.  Needless to say, she was mortified as the boys stared down at the pink strap on.  She chuckled and said it was a gag gift for a friend’s birthday.  She still gets upset just thinking about it.

Let’s be honest, sex happens

Although most swingers try very hard to keep the lifestyle a secret, it seems that something always happens to give others a clue that we are not as vanilla as we would like to have them believe.  Every time some embarrassing or revealing situation occurs or someone tells me about something that has happened to them, I wonder if most people don’t have secrets of their own.

I prefer my dog not bring condoms to my parents, but honestly, do they not have anything kinky going on in their life?  My neighbor can’t handle the thought that I would wear such sexy clothing?  Maybe she is using a strap on with her husband.  I don’t know!  For her sake, I hope they are doing something fun in their bedroom!  Does the policeman think lube is risqué?  Really?  With a job like his, I’m sure he has seen a whole lot more interesting things than that.  As for my friend’s son, he is in a fraternity.  Need I say more?

At least we are having fun!

One of the reasons I love the lifestyle so much is that we don’t pretend to be so puritanical.  We love sex, we have sex and we talk about sex.  We like to dress sexy and we like to have fun.  It would be impossible to revert to our old ways and I sincerely doubt that anyone in the lifestyle would want to.

Hopefully, in the future, people will loosen up and accept that sex is natural and normal.  I’m not expecting everyone to understand or participate in the lifestyle, I am just hoping that people will be open to the fact that it does exist and the people involved are just having fun with their partners.  It is an open and honest relationship that swingers have and hopefully one day, vanilla people will understand.

Until then, prepare yourself for the next mishap…

Be sure to check out our lifestyle jewelry!  New items arrive often and we are happy to create custom pieces!  https://www.swingersjewelry.net/jewelry-for-swingers/

Read more funny stories about swingers here: https://www.swingersjewelry.net/hilarious-swinger-situations/

A couple from Australia found a “very cute” swinger because of the jewelry!

 

 

Living in Australia we didn’t expect that after purchasing jewelry we would find another swinger very quickly.  How wrong we were.  We have only had our jewelry for about 3 weeks and were wearing it while out running some errands.  We stopped to grab a bite and while sitting in a corner booth, suddenly a man appeared out of nowwhere and was sitting next to me smiling.  We were  a bit confused but he pointed  to the pendant hanging from his necklace.  How wonderful this was!  Such a surprise and he’s quite cute to look at!  I am so pleased and wanted to thank you!  It really does help you spot other swingers and it really is around the world!  Bravo!

Infidelity and the lifestyle; how swinging helps couples avoid cheating on each other.

Happy couple clinking wine glasses
Happy couple clinking wine glasses

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

People who are not in the lifestyle, equate swinging with infidelity.  Obviously, for people who swing, this is absolutely untrue.   According to dictionary.com. infidelity means:

1.  marital disloyalty
2.  unfaithfulness
     Considering those two meanings, swingers are not being disloyal or unfaithful to their spouses.  Perhaps we should think of swingers as writng their own rules in their own marriages.  They have decided together, as a couple, to open their marriage to something more. Whether or not religious figures would agree that this is not adultery or infidelity is another topic altogether.

It is not uncommon to hear people who are not in the lifestyle to question why couples swing.  Besides that they imagine swingers to be perverted deviants, their perception of swingers is really off.  They have a hard time understanding why people would be open to having sex with someone other than their spouse.  More than that, they cannot fathom why swingers do not get upset with the fact that their significant others are doing this.

Let’s consider this:  if a department store invited you to visit anytime, and take what you needed for free, would you ever feel the need to steal something from them?   Silly question right?  How can you steal something if they are giving it to you for free?   Let’s say you are in school and need help on an exam and the teacher tells you anytime you don’t know an answer to just ask her and she will tell you. Would you need to copy off someone’s paper?  What would be the point?  The teacher has already offered the free help, right?  It is the same in the lifestyle.  Your partner offers to let you swing with other people, why would you need to do this behind their back?  That is not to say that it never happens because it probably does, but what it is the point?

It is very common when you speak with swingers to hear how surprised they were when they first entered the lifestyle to discover how in love swingers seemed to be.  It was exactly the opposite of what they had imagined.  If couples were so in love, what drove them into the lifestyle?  The best answer is probably honesty.

The relationship between a couple who chooses to swing has to be very open and honest.   In order to swing, they had to get to the point where they could admit that although they love each other, they would like to try something else.  It is normal for  couples to fall into a routine or rut with their sex life.  Some couples try to spice things up by watching porn, using toys, trying different positions or even going to strip clubs.  What happens when that is not enough?

For couples not in the lifestyle, unfortunately, they might look to someone else to fill that void.  Infidelity is exceptionally selfish.  One person in the couple chooses to find excitement that is lost with their partner while the other partner makes do with  the lack of fulfillment.  Sometimes both parts of the couple choose to be unfaithful to each other while maintaining  the facade of a wonderful marriage.  How long can that last?

When you consider the avenue swingers take, it seems more logical and loving.  Swinging is something couples do together.  They venture into the lifestyle as a couple not to find someone to replace their partner, but to find couples to spice up their sex life.  The excitement is something they experience together.  The only sneaking around these couples might be engaging in, is from their family and friends. Swinging creates a very strong bond;  you are naughty together.

When you consider the freedom that swinging brings to both members of the couple, who would feel the need to cheat?  Sure, there are always exceptions, but that shows a true character fault.  Generally speaking, swingers would agree that they have no reason to cheat.  Swinging helps them to avoid infedelity.

Many couples who have been in the lifestyle for many years reach different levels of comfort with separating while swinging.  Some couples have no problem allowing their significant other to play on their own while traveling or with friends they have met in the lifestyle.  They talk about how much pleasure they get just from hearing about the escapades of their partners.   The only request they make of each other is to tell them about what they do when they play on their own.  Some couples never separate and continue their swinging journey side by side.  Either way, the degree of trust and freedom is immeasurable compared with those not in the lifestyle.

Everyone is different and perhaps there are couples who never feel the desire to play outside their marriage.  It seems that number would be very low when you consider how rampant infidelity is.

My question to those not in the lifestyle is this:  why not try to explore together what both of you are secretly wishing for?  It is impossible to believe that every married adult at some point has not fantasized about having sex with someone else.  A neighbor, a  teacher, a coworker, someone famous or your spouse’s best friend.   The best part about swinging is that these are no longer secrets or fantasies!  You and your partner not only talk about what your sexual fantasies are, you experience them together.  What could be more honest and intimate than that?  That is what creates such a strong bond between swingers.   When you have everything you need at home, why would you need to go elsewhere?

Is a poor body image keeping you from enjoying ( or entering) the lifestyle?

Is a poor body image keeping you from feeling confident in the lifestyle?   Do you worry that having a less than perfect figure will make it hard to find couples who want to swing with you?

The lifestyle poses many challenges to both men and women.    It can be very difficult for someone if they are shy, insecure or become jealous easily.   It is even worse if someone has a poor self-image.  Having a positive self-image, especially regarding your body, is crucial if you are planning to swing.  Body image is defined as how you see yourself when you look in the mirror or how you picture yourself in your mind.  Sometimes these perceptions are accurate, but sometimes they are completely distorted. This image will affect how you carry yourself and how you interact with others.  Developing a positive body image and a healthy mental attitude is crucial to a person’s happiness and wellness.  It also plays a key role in success in the lifestyle.

Swing clubs, parties, and hotel takeovers are filled with scantily clad women wearing fishnet dresses, sexy lingerie,
and exotic mini skirts and dresses.  All of which show a lot of skin.  Many of these women are over the age of 40 and have bodies which indicate as much.  There are women who have beautiful, tight, fit bodies but they are not in the majority.  They are also not always the hottest or the most secure.  It seems that self-image plays a much larger role in what makes a woman desirable to both men and other women.  A beautiful, fit woman with poor body image (yes, there are many) seems to be less attractive to others than the overweight woman who is comfortable in her own skin. The lifestyle is not about the most attractive person or people, and it is important to remember that everyone is attracted to something different.  A person who is friendly and warm and seems genuinely interested in what you have to say will be much more attractive to you than someone who is the opposite; regardless of their physical appearance.

Men suffer from the same problem but regarding different aspects of their bodies.  Women tend to be focused on their weight, their breasts and any areas of their bodies they see as imperfect; cellulite on their thighs, a butt that is too large or too small, scars from past surgeries or c sections, etc.  Men tend to be more concerned with their height, their weight, their muscle mass and obviously the size of their penis, as compared with other men.  Interestingly enough, if you were to ask ten men to point out which woman they find most attractive, chances are you would get 6-7 different responses.  For women, it would probably be about the same.  Luckily, everyone is attracted to something different.   Imagine if everyone was attracted to the same person!

The lifestyle is supposed to be fun.  When people are too hung up about their bodies and their imperfections it can be a real downer.  Try to remember that swinging is for a short time and if you don’t take advantage of the moment, you will miss it.  Chances are if someone has chosen to swing with you, it is because they think it will be enjoyable.  If you cannot relax and savor the moment, you are not only wasting your night but the night of the person who is trying to have fun with you.  I sincerely doubt that while your partner for the evening is playing with you he is thinking about your thighs.  If, however, you are showing your insecurities regarding your thighs, he probably will look at them to decide if you are right.   When a woman is with a man who is less endowed than most, she will only care if it keeps him from being able to enjoy himself.  If he steps up and shows her he is confident with himself, she knows it will be a fun night regardless of his size.

Putting your insecurities aside for an evening will be in your best interest.   If you step into the play area with nothing but a smile, people will admire your confidence and appreciate that about you.  If you are open to people, they will look to join you, it’s that simple.  Big thighs, sagging boobs, cellulite and all, if you show people that you are ok with yourself, they will be ok with you.

Swing clubs, parties, and takeovers can be fun and exciting.  People come out to party and have a good time.  When you meet people, if they seem friendly and self-confident you are drawn to them.  If, on the other hand, you meet people who are shy and withdrawn, chances are you will move on to another couple.  It really is ok if you don’t think you are perfect because guess what?  Pretty much everyone else has the same insecurities that you have, the only difference is that they refuse to let it ruin their night!

Remember to check out our lifestyle jewelry!  New items are offered frequently and we are happy to take custom orders.

https://www.swingersjewelry.net/jewelry-for-swingers/

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Love does play a role in swinging but not in the way people might imagine.

Couple in love wearing Partners ID jewelry
Couple in love wearing Partners ID jewelry

When we think about swinging, we do not think about love. The purpose of swinging is to have fun. To find another couple or a single man or woman to fulfill a fantasy. Sex is a physical act and does not require love to participate. Swinging equates to sex without love whereas a marriage incorporates love and sex.

To people who are not in the lifestyle, it is a very difficult concept for them to grasp. They frequently ask if couples in the lifestyle are afraid that their partner might fall in love with someone else. Sure, anything is possible, but you do not have to be a swinger to be at risk of falling in love with someone else.

Swinging has nothing to do with love. Swingers do not seek out the lifestyle to find a partner to share their life with. Single swingers might be looking for love. Some are looking for someone who shares their lifestyle views. Couples are not there for this reason.

Vanilla couples cannot understand how swingers do not get jealous when they see their partner with someone else but it always reminds me of something from the Bible. The following is a part of the passage, not the entire thing: (I am not religious, or Catholic, but this always comes to mind):

Love is patient. Love is kind. Love does not envy, it does not put on airs, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, and it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. So Faith, Hope and Love abide these three; But the Greatest of these is Love.”

In my opinion, the only role love plays in swinging, is between the couple that decides together that they would like to explore the  lifestyle.  You love your partner enough to give them the freedom to partake in things they otherwise could not, and you find joy in seeing them enjoy those things.  You have faith in your partner; you allow them to play because you are sure they will come back to you.   You are able to express love for each other by forging your own path.  You do not allow others to dictate to you what is normal.  Although society equates love with monogamy, you choose to define love your own way and you know the love between you and your partner is mutually exclusive.  You hope that your love is forever and that these experiences will only enrich your lives.

There is no love between couples that play but there can be infatuation or lust.  How can you love someone that you don’t really know?  The person who shows up at parties or swing clubs or on vacations or cruises allows you to see only a small part of who they are.  The real person is the one who has to get up for work in the mornings; the person who has to clean up after their children or their dog.  The true person is not always dancing and having fun but paying bills and dealing with stress.  Until you know that person, how can you really know that you love them?

The part of swinging that makes it so enjoyable is that we get to dress up, have a few drinks, dance or socialize then move onto the swinging aspect.  Spending an evening with swingers is like going out on New Year’s Eve.  It’s always a big party, but is that real life?  It is an awful lot of fun and the environment lends itself to getting hot for other people, but that is the whole point.  We go into swing clubs looking for others to spend a few hours with but not our lives.

If people in the lifestyle were not able to separate sex and love, swinging could not exist.  It is the rare couple who can find that delicate balance and make it work.  If couples were constantly falling in love with each other, swing clubs would be empty.  Who would want to risk their relationship for an evening of fun?
The most important thing is to keep perspective.  Having sex with someone else is just for a moment of pleasure, whereas being in a committed relationship is hopefully for a lifetime.