Whatever the case, if you are one of those “shy” people, perhaps this is the perfect time for you to take advantage and go after what you want! There are women in the lifestyle who always wear a wig when they are at a lifestyle event. They claim they have more confidence because people do not recognize them and they like it that way. Costumes are also a good conversation starter. Complimenting others on how clever they are or how perfect their costume, makes it easy to open the dialogue. Once you have begun a conversation it is easy to introduce yourselves and ask the other couple questions about themselves.
As a swinger, when I spend time with my vanilla girlfriends, I am always paying close attention to what they say. I am especially tuned in to how they behave when somebody brings up the subject of sex. Interestingly, the subject of sex generally comes up when someone talks about cheating.
My friends do not know that I am in the lifestyle so bringing up the subject of swinging is a very delicate matter. It is very rare that it comes up, but at our latest get together, I couldn’t resist.
The topic of conversation was infidelity. One of our mutual friends is in the process of divorce because she recently discovered that her husband was cheating on her. Almost all of the other women agreed that this would be grounds for divorce in their own marriages. They would not care if it was a one-time thing or a long-standing affair. Cheating is something they all agree is unforgivable.
I listened to them rant about men being dogs and not being able to keep it in their pants, etc. I asked them if they really think it is only a male problem. While they all agreed that it is not, they all vehemently denied that they had ever cheated. They also denied ever contemplating sleeping with a man other than their husband. These are women who are all over 40 years old!
I looked around at each one of them. It was impossible to believe that they had never been attracted to another man since they had gotten married. “You mean to tell me that you have never fantasized about another man?” (I wanted to say or woman, but was too afraid to open that can of worms.)
Although most admitted that they had fantasized about men over the years, they denied ever considering acting on it. I asked them if they ever did act on it, did they think it would change the way they feel about their husbands? Perhaps this would simply be a physical release?
I asked them to consider two questions:
Can a man have sex with another woman yet be in love with his wife?
Can a woman have sex with another man yet still love her husband?
Are sex and love mutually exclusive?
I could see the wheels turning while they considered that. Wouldn’t it simply be a physical act? The men you fantasize about, are you hoping to share your life with him or have a quickie? Is it possible that sex can be just a physical act with no love attached?
As the group fell silent in contemplation, I pushed on. What about swingers? I asked. From what I have read (I explained), they seem to be able to find the balance between their love for each other and having sex with others. Does this type of lifestyle possibly eliminate a need to cheat? I turned to the woman who is now in the process of divorce. Do you think perhaps if the two of you were in the lifestyle this would not be happening?
None of the women were open to the thought of swinging, as far as I could tell, but at least they were considering what I was saying. Does it make sense to break up marriages and families over a sexual encounter?
The women explained that it was less about sex and more about the betrayal of trust. So my next question was, “If your husband had told you he wanted to have sex with someone else, would you be open to it?” They all shook their heads no. Then I am confused. The anger stems from the trust issue, yet if their husbands were honest, it wouldn’t change anything. Seems to me like a no-win situation. Perhaps the thought process for someone who is looking for something different resorts to cheating because they might get away with it. If they cannot discuss this with their partner, they feel out of options.
This, sadly, seems to be a cornerstone of contemporary marriages. Fidelity sounds like a wonderful and romantic concept, but in the 21st century, it seems almost ridiculously outdated. That is not to say that there aren’t many couples out there who manage to remain married and faithful, but are they happy? Are they faithful by choice or out of fear of the repercussions?
I asked the women if they could honestly say that they believe their husbands have never thought about cheating (as they seemed to believe that they had not already done so). Most of the women said that their husbands had probably been attracted to another woman at some point and might have considered cheating. I asked what kept them from acting on it. The common response: my husband knows if I catch him cheating I will leave him. So women feel comfortable suppressing their husbands’ sexual desires by threatening them with consequences. Is this healthy? More importantly, is this really love?
Most swingers would agree that by allowing their spouses to be able to have sex with other women, on some level, we are expressing love. We are happy to see our husband happy. We understand that it is not realistic to be able to be the only person our significant other is ever attracted to or wants to have sex with. The same goes for women. If our husband allows us the opportunity to be with other men, why would we cheat? True love is so much deeper than sex and it is a shame that the concept seems to be lost on so many people.
There is no doubt that during this lunch date my friends were all eyeing me suspiciously. I clearly was not on the same page as they were with regard to sex and marriage. I do think, however, I was able to give my soon to be divorced friend something to think about. While I totally understand the importance of trust in a marriage, I also understand the importance of communication. If her husband had tried to express his desire to have sex with another woman, they would probably be in the same position they are now. She is angry and hurt because she cannot understand why she isn’t “enough” for him.
This is where swingers have a healthier perspective. Remember this popular saying? Show me a beautiful woman and I will show you a man who is tired of having sex with her…
We can substitute man for woman and vice versa, but the meaning is the same. Humans are essentially not monogamist, and until we accept this, this conversation will go on indefinitely.
Check out our new jewelry! Stop wondering, start playing! https://www.swingersjewelry.net/jewelry-for-swingers/
This blog was written for Partners ID by Kennedy M., a single woman in the lifestyle.
Most swingers prefer to keep the fact that they are in the lifestyle to themselves. At times it can be challenging, especially when we find ourselves in situations that are hard to explain. Imagine how hard it would be for vanilla people to wrap their minds around a unicorn!
Not long ago, while taking notes in a board room for an important client, I received an email with a subject line that said it was an important message from Joe (a close friend’s name). I was busy and did not look at the return email address. As soon as we took a break for a few minutes I scrolled down and clicked on it. To my surprise there was a close up picture of a black man’s dick. Before I could click delete, a male coworker was standing behind my chair asking if that was my new boyfriend.
When I am not blogging about my lifestyle experiences I have a job that is quite vanilla; complete with meetings in board rooms and client lunches. For obvious reasons, I do not discuss my private life where I work. When colleagues ask what I did over the weekend, I usually tell them, “The usual; a movie, some dinner” etc. The company I work for would be horrified if they really knew how I spend my weekends.
I am a unicorn, a single girl in the swinger lifestyle, for those who do not know the term.
When I started swinging, I was not alone. My boyfriend and I spent at least two night each week in our local swing club. I was very much in love with my boyfriend and was heart broken when he ended it with little explanation.
I am not soured by this nor do I hate men. Right now, I am wary of putting my heart out there again in fear that I will find myself in the same situation.
When I was finally ready to go back out after the breakup, I returned to a place where I felt very comfortable in the past. My former boyfriend and I were swing club rats and spent at least two nights a week in our local establishment. We had a nice circle of lifestyle friends, many of whom had reached out to me after the break up.
My first night out alone was a little bit scary. Naturally, I was unsure how I would be received by some of the women. Although I knew I was not looking to intrude on anyone’s relationship, would other people know that? I had never really known any unicorns but had heard some women speaking poorly of them in the past. The last thing I wanted was for people to think I had some ulterior motives for spending time in a swing club.
For the most part, the women were happy to see me and welcomed me with open arms. One or two seemed a bit uncomfortable with all the attention the men lavished upon me (which I in no way sought out but as most unicorns will admit, it is hard to avoid).
The first few times I went to the club I felt a little awkward. I needed people to make me feel like I belonged there. It didn’t take long for couples (some I knew, some I did not) to ask me to join them in the back room. After a period of time I started receiving invitations to parties. Then men started asking me to accompany them to the club when their wives were out of town. Although I do know other unicorns who have no problem with this, I have always declined the offers. Whereas I knew why I was there, I wasn’t sure others understood why I chose to make a swing club my night life of choice. It was hurtful when I overheard women asking each other what exactly I was looking for.
I will tell you “what I was, and still am, looking for.” I love to dance, I love to dress sexy and I love to have fun. I like to meet new people and I love to have sex; both with men and with women. I like the comfort and the warmth of the lifestyle. It’s a great place to go to as you do not need a date, or to make plans with others. You just show up and hang with the people who are there. You can spend an amazing night, have great sex and kiss the other people goodnight. I can go home and sleep alone in my bed. Nobody to answer to. I can stay until 12 midnight or go home at 4am. I can do what I want with no strings attached.
If I am looking for some one on one time, there are always single guys who are more than willing to spend the evening with a unicorn. The best part is, I do not have to be alone with them. We can choose a private room to play but I am not in a scary situation with a stranger. If I want to be with a couple, no problem. If I want a gang bang, that’s my choice. The best part for me is that I leave alone.
I am not looking for a boyfriend, husband or anything else; just a good time. That’s it, that’s all. Obviously I cannot speak for every unicorn as we are all individuals. Over time I have gotten to know a few who spend time in this swing club. We are definitely not all on the same page. Personally, I will not go into the back room with someone else’s husband if she is not in the club to approve. Most of the other girls have no problem with that.
I will not date a married man with or without the wife’s permission. I will only play with someone’s husband if she is present, but even then, I prefer to make it a threesome. Most unicorns I have met don’t really have any rules. They are out for themselves and offer no apologies for what they do. They prefer to be alone for a variety of reasons and although they love the attention they get in the clubs, for the most part, they are not looking for anything more than a good time.
I have tried to imagine how I would feel if there was a unicorn around when my boyfriend and I were together at the club. We did not really know of any at that time so it is hard to say. If unicorns are respectful of other’s relationships then there should never be a problem. I would suggest making sure that if you choose this route you pay a lot of attention to the women. If you are flirting with their husband and ignoring them, this will be a problem for sure. Since you have no one to offer to them, you must flirt with them as a couple. Always try to put yourself in the woman’s shoes and ask yourself how you would feel if the situation were reversed.
Unicorns are a great addition to the lifestyle if they understand the rules of the game. Some think they are the stars of the club because they get a lot of attention. Perhaps it would be better to just think of yourself as another component to the lifestyle. Although we bring an added element to the lifestyle, the lifestyle could easily exist without us.
Nobody ever asks what single men are looking for in the club. Why the double standard? It seems a question I hear often regarding unicorns. Perhaps it would surprise people to hear that I am looking for sex just like they are. It just so happens tothat I prefer the no strings attached variety. I don’t want you to call me in the morning. Really, I don’t. More often that not, I also don’t want to play with you again. It was fun once but I am not looking to repeat the experience regardless of how awesome it might have been. I am not looking for you to cuddle with me or tell me how beautiful I am. Please do not tell me about your problems and I will not bother you with mine. The truth is, I don’t really care, I just want to enjoy my night out.
I do like to try new things and am very open minded. Sometimes that seems to make some women feel a little threatened. I am not a slut or a whore because I am a sexual person. When I was in a relationship I did not feel as free to explore things as I do now. Perhaps that is why it is hard for you to relate, but that doesn’t really give you the right to judge.
People have asked me many times why I am not out looking for someone of my own. It is a valid question but again, I am enjoying being by myself. When I am ready to be in a relationship, I can assure you I will not be fishing for someone in a swing club. Perhaps one day I will meet a nice single guy at a lifestyle event but who knows. For now, I am very happy to be a unicorn and have no plans to change that any time soon.
Are people still afraid to let others know that they are in the lifestyle?
Why do swingers feel the need to keep their lifestyle a secret? I frequently hear swingers say that nobody knows that they are in the lifestyle. They would die if someone found out. Why is that? What do people think when they hear someone they know is a swinger? It reminds me of the time before I had ever had sex. I couldn’t imagine how you could face the person you had sex with afterward. What would they think after they had seen you in such a compromising way? How would others see you? Obviously I discovered that these fears were unfounded. Nobody seemed to look at me any differently, and facing the guy who I was with was no problem. So what is it that makes us fear discovery?
What is it that swingers fear about exposure?
Curiosity got the best of me and so I started to ask swingers. I asked a group of swingers if they are very religious, but they are not. I wondered if their children were at an age that it would create confusion and uncertainty, but they are not. Do they think they are doing something criminal or unethical? They do not. Hmm. Would exposure embarrass them? This question got a nod. Embarrassed? Why? In truth, swingers are doing something that most people wish they could do. They have sex with others and it doesn’t destroy their marriage. Why? Because two consenting adults have agreed to enter into this together. There are no lies or secrets.
Would friends and family alienate you if they found out you were having an affair?
Admitting that you are a swinger should be a lot less traumatic than admitting you are having an affair, no? After all, one is cheating and lying to someone you say you are in love with, the other is not. Cheaters sneak around, worrying that they will be caught. Getting caught would disrupt their lives and the lives of those around them. Swingers, on the other hand, are out having a great time together. They are out enjoying parties and events with their significant other. This is something that others only dream of.
I wonder how many swingers are truly living this lifestyle unbeknownst to their friends and family. Probably not nearly as many as believe they are. Often times I watch swingers arrive at a club clad in an oversized trench coat in the middle of the summer. When I ask these women if their family or neighbors don’t find this strange they say they don’t think so. Really? It’s 90 degrees outside and you leave your house or condo wearing a trench coat cinched at the waist with stiletto heels and nobody thinks that’s odd?
What happens to couples who come clean about the lifestyle?
Many swingers have said that when they finally decided to disclose to friends and family that they were swingers, many were not surprised. Many said they had known about it for years but understood the swinger couple wanted to keep it to themselves. (If these were the trench coat women, it’s no wonder people knew.)
What about the family and friends who did not suspect this person or couple was in the lifestyle? What was their reaction? Were they shocked and appalled? Not according to the people I have spoken with. Most said that more than anything, they were curious about swinging. They asked a lot of questions but did not seem to have a negative reaction. Many couples said that both friends and many family members (mostly siblings), eventually asked if they could tag along one night to see what it was all about.
Stop apologizing for your lifestyle choices; it’s your life and your decision to make.
Like any other group, in order to gain acceptance, we must learn to stand up for what we believe in. Swingers should not be ashamed of their lifestyle. Obviously it is not necessary to divulge what you do when you are at a swing club, or party, or another event. Most people do not give blow by blow (pun intended) details to others about what they do in their bedrooms. No need to reveal that you participated in a gang bang with 15+ men last Saturday. Nobody needs to know that you tried double penetration for the first time and loved it. Many swingers don’t swap, and many people in the lifestyle are not swingers. Enjoying the warm atmosphere that accompanies the lifestyle is a wonderful thing and people should not have to hide from it.
Why do people find it acceptable to learn that many famous couples are swingers? Why are they held to a different standard than the rest of us. Because they are famous? Some are highly influential people and they do not deny that they are swingers. Famous people frequently answer questions about their lifestyle and seem quite comfortable doing so.
What does wearing lifestyle jewelry actually say about you?
Wearing our jewelry means that you are open-minded. If you think about it, being a part of the lifestyle really doesn’t mean more than that. If your children or parents told you the same thing, would it concern you? Although it might surprise you, you would be happy to see them happy.
When we initially came up with the concept for the jewelry, we had just this vision in mind. Wear the jewelry with pride. First of all, others do not know what it means. Secondly, even if they did, what does it really say about you? It says that you are an open-minded person.
Let’s continue the movement to unite the lifestyle. People in the lifestyle could really teach others a lot about relationships. Honesty, respect and fun are the three hallmarks of the lifestyle. What could be better than that?
To see our collection of lifestyle jewelry click here: https://www.swingersjewelry.net/jewelry-for-swingers/page/2/
An email we received from a customer:
Dear Partners ID,
My husband and I have been married for 25 years. We have children who are now living on their own and we both have careers that keep us busy. One evening after dinner, we settled into our typical nightly routine of watching tv on the couch. We talked about the upcoming weekend and who we wanted to go out with. I was shocked when my husband told me he couldn’t stand how routine our lives had become. We work all week, have dinner at home and on weekends go out to dinner or a movie with basically the same couples. He was afraid that our lives, now that our children were grown, would remain like this forever. The thought of it made him sad.
Honestly, it was the first time I had ever thought about it, but I realized he was right. There was nothing to look forward to anymore; every week was the same.
That night I couldn’t sleep so I went on the computer to try to research what else couples at our stage of life were doing for fun. I came across a blog written by Penny which directed me to your website. At first, I was chuckling to myself about the prospect of Joe and myself as swingers, but as I read more blogs I started to realize that it really was about so much more than sex.
I started to research what exactly the swinging lifestyle entailed and thought it was worth mentioning to Joe. Never in a million years could I have imagined something like this, but I must admit, I was very curious.
When I initially mentioned it to Joe over coffee in the morning he thought I was insane. He, too, laughed at the thought.
For the first time in I don’t know how many years, he sent me a text and asked if we could meet for lunch. He told me he couldn’t get the thought out of this out of his mind and was excited that it was something I had an interest in. We had no idea how to go about the whole thing so I came back to your website to see what I could find.
It didn’t take long to find articles I needed to get started. We did some research online regarding local swing clubs and also spent some time looking at swinger dating sites. I will tell you that our sex life changed that very first night that we started to think about it! It was like something sparked inside both of us and we were alive and excited about what was to come!
Fast forward one year and our lives have changed dramatically. It has been years since my husband and I have been this happy and connected. We look forward to our weekends with our new lifestyle friends and all the adventures! Each weekend we now go to parties and swing clubs and have booked a lifestyle cruise for the fall! Of course, we both wear your jewelry (proudly) and wanted to thank you for helping us find what we never knew we were looking for!
The friends that we used to spend every weekend with have noticed the difference in us but we don’t dare tell them what we are up to! We both work out several days a week and look younger and more fit than we have in years. Even our children see the change!
One of the biggest benefits of this lifestyle is the friends we have made. We are closer to them than any of the friends we have had in the past. We travel with them, meet them at clubs and even have sleepovers! What fun!
Thank you for opening our eyes to a wonderful new world! Your blogs are wonderfully honest and informative and your jewelry is beautiful! We wish you all the happiness that we have found!
Debbie and Joe
Looking for our lifestyle jewelry? Simply click here: https://www.swingersjewelry.net/jewelry-for-swingers/
The most common question asked of swingers seems to be, “How do I get my husband/wife/girlfriend, etc., into the lifestyle?”
There are many people out there who know about swinging and would like to swing. The problem is, they don’t know how to bring up the subject to their partner.
We have gotten quite a few emails from people who actually ask us this question. I’m not sure how I became the “Dr. Ruth” of swinging but I really don’t mind trying to help.
The majority of the time, this question comes from a man, but we have had women ask us as well. The interesting part is that many people have said the same thing. We often talk about how exciting it would be to bring another person into bed with us. Although we both get turned on, I’m not sure how to make the leap to actually making this happen!
It is always a good sign if you have a good sexual relationship and can talk about things before you bring this up. It would seem to me that when you approach the subject, it should not be in the bedroom.
Many people like to fantasize to get excited but are not really prepared to act on these erotic imageries.
Several men said their wives get very turned when talking about having sex with multiple men at once. The operative word here is talk. There is a good chance that she is not prepared to actually do this in real life. So how can you make this happen?
Try talking about how much you love to see your partner so turned on during sex. You love that they like to watch porn or to fantasize. Express how amazing it is that the two of you can share this together.
Mention that something you have always fantasized about was seeing other people have sex. Live sex, not on tv. How hot would that be? This way you simply mention your desire to find a place where you can actually watch others having sex. This takes the pressure off of your partner. You are not making your partner feel that they will have to be a part of it.
Check her reaction to a suggestion such as watching live sex.
Does she look at you like you are crazy or does she have a flicker of interest? If you get the ‘you’re crazy’ look, drop it and mention it again at a later time. The next time maybe say you came across this swing club online or in a magazine or a newspaper. After a while, she might get used to the thought. Perhaps your partner would be willing to just go and take a look. Again, it is extremely important to let her know that you just want to see it. That is all you want. This is, the first step.
Most women I have met in the lifestyle agree that it was not their idea to enter a swing club or check out any type of lifestyle venue. It is almost always the man’s suggestion. However, I will tell you that the woman is the one who requests to return. That being said, the major obstacle for most couples, is getting your partner to walk through the front door for the first time.
The smartest approach for many men seems to be to give the woman control of the situation from the very beginning.
When you are able to get her to agree to try it out for one night, encourage her to buy something new that will make her feel good. It is not important that she dress overly sexy, only that she feel good about herself. Try not to be overly eager about getting to the club or event. If you take a more casual attitude towards going, it will make her less nervous.
Most important of all, is when you arrive for the evening, make sure she is your number one priority.
Check to make sure she is comfortable. Make her feel special and attractive. If you walk in and start ogling all the other women, she will not like the environment from the get go. It is ok to be friendly, but let her take the lead and decide who she is comfortable talking to or not talking to. The same goes for a woman bringing a man. If you start to flirt with other people right away, your partner will feel insecure. Swinging must be about the two of you as a couple. If you leave your partner in the background during your visit, chances are, you will not be returning to any type of lifestyle event with them in the future.
The lifestyle is an amazing, exciting and warm environment.
There is no real reason why anyone would not enjoy it, as long as it is approached the right way. The number one problem that couples seem to have, which stops them from ever getting comfortable in the lifestyle, is jealousy. Nobody enjoys feeling insecure or left out. If you do not make it a priority to see to it that your partner is comfortable, they will not want to put themselves in this situation again, and who can blame them?
When you are new to swinging, it is very important to take your time.
Do not enter the lifestyle and think you should swing right away. It is more important to get adjusted to the situation before you take the plunge. Make sure that when you think you are both ready to take the next step, you have discussed it and know what you are both comfortable with. Always make sure to notice if your significant other is ok if you do swap with another couple.
Communication is the key to success in the lifestyle.
At the end of any night together it is a good idea to talk about the experience to make sure she/he was happy and comfortable with what happened. As long as you keep the lines of communication open from the start, you should have no trouble joining the lifestyle and making it a smooth transition. Swinging should be something wonderful for both members of a couple. It cannot work if one person is dragging the other person into it against their will.
Good luck and keep us posted!!
A sure way to find others in the lifestyle is by wearing our jewelry. Each piece sports the international symbol for swinger. To see the jewelry click here: www.swingerjewelry.net/jewelry-for-swingers
What is jealousy?
According to dictionary.com, jealousy is defined as the following:
1.jealous resentment against a rival, a person enjoying success or advantage, etc., or against another’s success or advantage itself.
2.mental uneasiness from suspicion or fear of rivalry, unfaithfulness, etc., as in love or aims.
3.vigilance in maintaining or guarding something.
4.a jealous feeling, disposition, state, or mood.
Are some people more prone to feeling jealous?
It certainly seems that some people really struggle with jealousy issues, while others seem immune. The lifestyle is absolutely an environment where jealousy can really come into play. Perhaps the ability to control or avoid jealousy stems from our upbringing. When parents teach their children not to compare themselves with others, this is a healthy way to teach self confidence.
Teaching children to treat others in a way they would like to be treated can also go a long way in helping. If children are taught to understand that their kindness and empathy for others is important, they will learn to practice this. When people grow up with the understanding that they should follow the “Golden Rule”: ‘do unto others as you would have them do unto you,’ it goes a long way to understanding how to treat others.
Why do some people have such issues with this? Is it because they don’t feel good about themselves?
Why is it that some people have no problem with jealousy, while others really suffer with this? Although we tend to think jealousy stems from a lack of self confidence, in fact, it really has little to do with this. Jealousy usually occurs when you do not have confidence in the other person. If your partner thinks about his or herself first, this can become a problem. If your partner, on the other hand, always seems to consider how you are feeling, it goes a long way to making you feel relaxed and secure. Even for those who struggle with low self esteem, if your partner is always complimenting you and making you feel good about yourself, you will eventually come to trust that your partner feels attracted to you. Swinging can bring up serious issues about insecurity. If your partner gives you the confidence to feel good about yourself, this will go a long way in helping to curb any jealous feelings.
Communication between a couple will go along way to helping to avoid any jealous feelings.
The lifestyle is obviously not for everyone. Couples who choose to swing must have a very solid relationship. Couples who have this strong bond are very open with each other about what works for them and what does not. Communication is key to success in the lifestyle. If one partner has any doubts about why their partner wants to swing, this could lead to disaster. Before attempting to swing, couples should discuss what they are comfortable with. If one person is afraid they might feel jealous, the couple should address this ahead of time to try to understand why. They should then figure out how to eliminate any doubts from the person’s mind about the reasons their partner wants to swing. The jealous partner will never be the one to seek out the lifestyle; they will be the one who goes along.
Does it mean that you love a person more if seeing them with someone else makes you jealous?
Actually, it has nothing to do with that. Jealousy can become a problem for anyone if they do not trust their partner. It does not matter if you are a swinger or not. If your partner does not make you feel secure, jealousy is the result. You begin to question their motives, especially in the lifestyle.
How can we learn to either avoid it or eliminate jealous feelings?
When you are a swinger, if your partner always consults with you regarding what you would like or who you would like to play with, there would be no reason to feel jealous. If your partner keeps checking in to make sure you are happy and comfortable, you feel they care about you. How could you feel jealous when someone makes you a priority?
When you take the attitude that what is good for you, is good for your partner, it helps keep you balanced. If you want your partner to treat you a certain way, you should first treat your partner that way. It starts at the very beginning of any evening. When you take time to get dressed and look your best, if your partner says nothing, you wonder if maybe you don’t look great. You start to second guess your hair, what you are wearing, etc. If, on the other hand, your partner takes notice and tells you how nice you look, the night will start off on a better note.
If your partner grabs your hand while you are talking to other couples, it makes you feel united. When they pay you a compliment in front of others, it also makes you feel special. Going that little extra distance will make any partner feel special and important. Imagine if everyone took a moment out of their night to tune in to the person they are with to let them know how special they are. Maybe an unexpected kiss or touch; it goes a long way to making your partner feel loved. When you feel loved and secure, there is never a reason to feel jealous.
Communicating the reason you swing to your partner will also help to avoid jealous feelings. When you remind them that they are your priority, it helps them to accept seeing you play with someone else. When you take the time to tell you partner that swinging is for the moment, that they are your partner and you will go home together, it makes a big difference. When you are playing with someone else, a simple touch or kiss with your partner reminds them that you are there for them all the time. It tells them that even though you are playing with someone else, they are still thinking about you.
Can we learn to turn off jealous feelings?
If a couple takes the time to practice these tips, there should be no reason for anyone to feel jealous. Just remember, the next time you want to leer at someone you are interested in or disregard your partner’s lack of desire to play with another couple that you are not thinking about them. If one person is always thinking about themselves, jealousy will come into play for their partner.
Always remember that what is good for you, is good for your partner. If you treat your partner in a way that is respectful and loving, you give them no reason to feel jealous. It’s that simple.
Sex is not simply something that only men enjoy. Women get a tremendous amount of pleasure from it as well. Why do women have such a hard time admitting this?
Why is a woman’s sexuality still such a confusing topic? Why do so many people still believe that women are sexual simply to please men? This stereotype still exists and casts a shadow over women who readily admit that they enjoy sex.
Still, to this day, if a woman says she loves sex, this causes people to make assumptions about her: She’s wild, she’s a whore, she will sleep with anyone, etc. Where does this come from? Why is it when men say they love sex (which they never have to say, it is always assumed) it is taken in stride? It is normal for men to love sex but something is very wrong when a woman does.
I can remember a conversation I had with some friends many years ago. One woman mentioned that it was her husband’s birthday and so she gave him the obligatory blow job that morning. It was something she was only willing to do once a year. I was honestly in shock and blurted out, “Once a year?! I give my husband a blow job every day!” With that comment, all heads turned in unison to stare at me with mouthes wide open. They all thought my husband must be some type of a monster to force me to do this. Force me? I explained that I loved pleasuring him and it turned me on to see him so excited. All four women shook their heads in disbelief and the topic was dropped.
I remember thinking that not one of them believed me when I said I enjoyed it. Thankfully I didn’t tell them we had sex twice a day every day because I love sex. I did wonder, after this conversation, why women had such a hard time believing that another woman could find pleasure in giving her man head. Was I different?
The answer is, yes, I think I am different. Different from many women simply because I am willing to admit that I love sex. While it is certainly possible that not every woman does love it, I do believe that many more women love it than are willing to admit to it. Why do women pretend not to love sex? Certainly it is not always pleasurable if the person you are with is not very good at it. There are however, toys and aids to help. It is also a good idea to guide your partner if they are not good at understanding what you need or what feels good to you. Most men truly want to please their partner and prefer she tell him then leave him guessing. Men also get pleasure from seeing their partner enjoying themselves and getting turned on. If a man feels that a woman is having sex with him out of obligation, he will not enjoy it in the same way.
Many women seem a bit shy to express their desire for sex. Let’s face it, we grew up learning that girls who love sex were dirty and easy. They were thought to be indiscriminate in who they slept with and were willing to do anything to please a guy. It seems nobody ever thought to ask a girl if perhaps she wanted to have sex with guys purely because she enjoyed it.
I love sex but that does not mean that I am not particular about who I will play with. I do not cruise around by day looking to pick up men for a quickie. I am also not a nymphomaniac. There is nothing extraordinary about me. I am a mother, a daughter, sister, employee, and wife who just happens to enjoy sex. You wouldn’t be able to spot me on the street and think: now there’s a woman who loves sex!
The lifestyle seems to be the perfect fit for sexual women. Swinging attracts women with all different types of sexual appetites. It is a safe and comfortable environment for women who love to simply watch others have sex, to the opposite extreme of women who like gang bangs, and everything in between. Nobody is there to judge, and this type of environment allows women to speak and act freely regarding their sexual desires. It can be very liberating for women who always thought they were not normal simply because they love sex.
We love hearing from everyone all around the world about their successes wearing the jewelry. This is a letter we received from a customer about her experience with the jewelry. It was written both in English and French and we included our response in both English and French underneath. Keep the emails coming!
Salut Partners ID,
I just wanted to drop you a line and let you know how well the jewelry works! Such a simple concept with such a great result!
I was born and raised in America, but after college I met a man and moved to the south of France with him. We lived there for 15 years. Part of my initial attraction to him was the sexual chemistry that we had (and of course his sexy French accent). It was intense and lasted quite awhile but something was always missing.
We always spend several weeks each summer at Cap D’agde (a very popular nudist and swinger village), and we always have a good time. We spend our days naked on the beach, drink cocktails at sundown, have dinner and hit the clubs. We play mostly together, which is fine by me, but still something was missing (in my life).
It was during our last trip to Cap D’agde that we discovered your jewelry. We had seen many other couples wearing it and decided to buy pieces for ourselves. The very day I slipped on the necklace, I was alone at the beach when a woman approached me. She, too, was wearing your necklace so I knew that she was a swinger. She introduced herself and sat on the edge of my blanket. As we talked, she gently touched my leg. It was like an electric shock ran through me. She could immediately sense my response as my erect nipples were hard to hide. We sat and talked for about an hour and agreed to meet with our husbands later on at a club.
As I lay in the sun on the beach I considered my response to her touch. I had never played with another woman but the very thought of it made me extremely horny. One of the things I most enjoyed about the American club we had visited was watching women play together. It is not as common here and I always found it a turn on. I packed up my beach gear and rushed back to the room to talk with my husband. I told him about the beach and he laughed. We have a very open marriage and he was happy at the thought of seeing me play with another woman. We had been swinging for years but I never really had the opportunity to play with another woman.
Needless to say, that evening was the most memorable of my entire adult life. I realized that what was missing from my life was another woman! I didn’t realize that I was bisexual before. We were able to get together a few times before she left to go home to Germany and she promised to look us up when she came to the states.
Had I not been wearing the jewelry, this would never have happened. It has opened a door for me that might never have been opened, and I am grateful that this happened!
The jewelry is really beautiful and very easy to spot! As I mentioned, it is quite popular in France and now that we are back home in the states, we plan to wear it all the time.
Merci et bisous à vous!
Danielle y Marcel
Cher Danielle y Marcel,
Merci sincerement ,a tout ceux et celles qui prennent le temps de nous partager leurs enthousiasmes ,concernant notre creation de bijous libertin.Nous sommes tres fier du resultat positif ,car seulement après 2 ans de lancement ,nous recevons continuellement des temoignages encourageants comme les votres a cette effet et ce de partout dans le monde ,aussi loin que de l Australie a Dubail,du Japon a l Afrique Du Sud,d Israel passant par l Europe juste qu en Amerique du Nord ainsi que d Argentine aux Indes.Nous apprecions grandement vos commantaire ,qui nous aident a amiliorer de jour en jour, nos produits destines au monde libertin. A+
(Thank you sincerely, to all of you who take the time to share your enthusiasm concerning our creation of lifestyle jewelry. We are very proud of the positive result! It has now been 4 years since launching the line and we continuously receive encouraging testimonials like yours about its success from all over the world. We hear from people from as far away as Australia to Dubai, Japan to South Africa, Israel passing through Europe, in North America as well as Argentina to India. We greatly appreciate your commentaries, which help us to improve from day to day. Our products are destined to be for everyone in the lifestyle all around the world.)
Slut is a word we are all familiar with. We heard it used a lot in high school to shame girls who had sex with too many guys. It did not occur to me in those years that we did not have a term for the males who were doing the same thing.
I stumbled upon an article the other day which was talking about the number of sexual partners people have had over the course of their lifetime, and what it says about them.
The article is actually quite interesting and at the same time a bit alarming. As a swinger, reading that the general population thinks that the ideal number of past sexual partners for both men and women is 7, concerns me. Seven?! Seriously?! I know people who have sex with 7 different people in one night!
My immediate reaction to the notion that a new man in my life would want to hear that I have only slept with 7 men prior to him, was that I felt a little nauseous. I think I had slept with 7 guys before I graduated from college. What does this mean? I was (and still am) a total slut? Probably, but lucky for me, my husband appreciates the fact that I love sex as much as he does.
I don’t think anyone would be surprised to learn that both men and women tended to change their true numbers slightly (at their own admission). Men tended to say they have had sex with more women than they actually have, while women tended to say they have had sex with less partners than they have. It is a surprise to me that in the year 2017 people are still so antiquated in their thinking. Men want to be with women who love sex, but they don’t want to be with women who have been too sexually active or who are too experienced.
Perhaps because I have been married for a long time I have lost touch with single stigmas, but come on people, this is 2017. Many people in their 50s, 60s and 70s are part of the baby boomer population. They believe in sex, drugs and rock and roll, don’t they? This generation was having sex, and a lot of it, back in the 60s and 70s. You mean to tell me they were part of this survey? I think not.
I also would have imagined that we were no longer holding women to a different standard than men. We still think men are studs when they have many conquests while women remain sluts for doing the same. We pat men on the back for their accomplishments in bed while we shake our heads in disdain at the women with whom they are doing this. Every time I think we’ve come a long way (baby) I discover that perhaps we really have not. Even the terms we are still using to describe sexually adventurous women versus men have remained unchanged in the way one degrades the woman, while the other praises the man. According to Wikipedia, the term slut is as follows:
Slut is generally a term for a woman or girl who is considered to have loose sexual morals or who is sexually promiscuous. It is usually used as an insult, sexual slur or offensive term of disparagement (slut shaming). It originally meant “a dirty, slovenly woman”, and is rarely used to refer to men, generally requiring clarification by use of the terms male slut or man whore.
Today, the term slut has a pervasive presence in popular culture and pornography, but is almost exclusively used to describe women. An exact male equivalent of the term does not exist. The lack of a comparably popular term for men highlights the double standard in societal expectations (gender roles) between males and females, as negative terms for sexually promiscuous males are rare.
This is one of the reasons why swinging and the lifestyle are such wonderful outlets. Nobody is judging anyone within the lifestyle. If you love sex, good for you! Curious to try something new? This is the place! Judge free zone! Everyone is free to explore their fantasies. In all of the years that I have been in the lifestyle, I have never heard anyone put a woman down for sleeping with too many men. Even the women who like gang bangs and trains. Most people just shrug their shoulders and say whatever she’s into to, glad she’s having fun.
For swingers, the standards set by the general population do not apply. Men in the lifestyle are not really interested in women who do not want to play. People are in the lifestyle for this purpose! Sexually open women are the norm, as are the sexually adventurous women. Men seem drawn to the women who exude sex as they are certain that it will prove to be an enjoyable experience. As far as asking about or caring about how many sexual partners someone has had? I’ve never heard anyone discuss this within the confines of the lifestyle. Truth is, most people would probably laugh and say, “I have no idea, I lost count!”
It fascinates me that men who are not in the lifestyle prefer women who have slept with (at most) 7 partners. They feel that more than that signifies a promiscuous woman. What the survey did not discuss was a woman’s age. What if she’s 50 and has never been married? I hope these men are open to the thought that their partner likes to masturbate. Or, open to the notion that this partner does not like sex. Either way, how do you put a number on something like this, and more importantly who are they to judge?
Women also think the magic number of previous partners for men is 7. For a man who is 25, I can see how this number is probably fair game. If the man is 40, I’m not so sure.
I think I can speak for most people in the lifestyle when I say that the number 7 made me laugh out loud when I heard it. Most real swingers who spend every weekend (and for some 1 or more nights a week) in a lifestyle venue of some sort, would probably agree that they hit that magic number often; some after a few weeks, others after a few months.
Does this make all the women in the lifestyle a bunch of sluts? Probably to those who choose not to be in the lifestyle. What about the men? I imagine they would simply call the men in the lifestyle “lucky”. For those who are in the lifestyle, I sincerely doubt they care. They are usually both very happy in their relationship with their significant other and with their decision to swing. I suppose if any of us find ourselves single and being asked our “number,” we have two choices: lie or look for another swinger!
Speaking of looking for other swingers: that’s what our lifestyle jewelry was created for! Click here to find the perfect piece for you! https://www.swingersjewelry.net/jewelry-for-swingers/