Swingers and strangers; the dangers of picking up a stranger for a night of fun.

Hotel doorway
Couple walking into a hotel

It seems that while we are in the thick of the pandemic, many swingers are still looking to play.  With swing clubs and lifestyle resorts closed (for the most part), some swingers are opting to find fun on their own.  This story reminds us of the danger of trusting strangers.*

Swingers like to have a good time but sometimes in their quest for the next great adventure, they might forget to think about their own safety. This is an email we received from a woman who wanted to share her story about having sex with a total stranger.  (We struggled with whether or not to post this but decided it is a story worth reading).  Although some people might argue that swingers in swing clubs and at lifestyle events are strangers, they really are not. Every club requires a membership which means everyone must register with their driver’s license, among other things. Even private parties do not usually include complete strangers. Most form a guestlist through swinger dating sites, which also have memberships.

No matter where or with whom you choose to swing, it is always important to use common sense. It is no different if you are single and dating, you must make sure to think about your safety at all times.  Although the fantasy of sex with strangers turns some people on,  the reality is not always what you might expect.

This is the email we received from a woman; we are glad to hear she is ok:

Rob and I were out of town and having drinks at a local bar. We met this really hot guy and decided I should flirt with him to see if maybe he would come back to our room and have sex with me while Rob watched. He was so big and muscular, exactly my type. I approached him and he was flirting back. I pointed to my husband and told him we are swingers and my husband would only want to watch. He seemed a little apprehensive at first but he soon agreed and followed us to the hotel.

We went upstairs and had a drink to help make him feel more comfortable. My husband sat in a chair across the room and gave us the sign to go ahead and forget he was there. The guy was really hot and things moved really fast. He tried to enter me without a condom but Rob was very vocal about that not happening and handed the guy a condom. He slipped it on and was really turned on. I glanced across the room to Rob, and he was sitting with his pants around his ankles.
I was having a great time when the guy flipped me over.  At first, I thought he was just going to do me from behind but he was trying for anal. Although I tried to stop him, he was becoming very aggressive. Before I knew it, he was totally inside and it was very painful. I was telling him to stop and Rob got up from the chair to approach us. The guy turned around and told Rob to “sit the fuck down”. At this point, I realized we were in a bad spot. It was like being raped while my husband was trying to talk him down. He was no physical match for this guy and we both knew it. Long story short, he finished, got dressed, and left. To make matters worse, his condom was not on when he pulled out. First I thought it slipped off inside me but I saw it on the floor and it was not used.

I know there are many couples out there who like to pick up strangers for a night of wild sex but after this experience, I realize how incredibly stupid it is. The truth is, I feel lucky that nothing worse had happened. He could have robbed us or killed us, we were so vulnerable. I have been tested for STDs and thankfully I am clean.
From now on, we will stick with swinging at our local club where there is security to prevent this type of situation. It is not safe to put yourself in a situation like this with a total stranger. I have nightmares almost every night, reliving this terrifying evening.

Sorry to bring such a terrible thing to swingers but I want people to realize that although picking up strangers sounds like fun, it is not worth the possible consequences.

Thanks for listening!

J.R and R.R

*We at Partners ID do not condone playing at this time.  This was sent to us several years ago.  Please stay safe!

Swingers: Why is it a secret that you are in the lifestyle?

Woman in lifestyle wearing Partners ID choker necklace

Are people still afraid to let others know that they are in the lifestyle?

Why do swingers feel the need to keep their lifestyle a secret?  I frequently hear swingers say that nobody knows that they are in the lifestyle.  They would die if someone found out.   Why is that?  What do people think when they hear someone they know is a swinger?  It reminds me of the time before I had ever had sex.   I couldn’t imagine how you could face the person you had sex with afterward.  What would they think after they had seen you in such a compromising way?  How would others see you? Obviously I discovered that these fears were unfounded.  Nobody seemed to look at me any differently, and facing the guy who I was with was no problem.  So what is it that makes us fear discovery?

 What is it that swingers fear about exposure?

Curiosity got the best of me and so I started to ask swingers.  I asked a group of swingers if they are very religious, but they are not.  I wondered if their children were at an age that it would create confusion and uncertainty, but they are not.  Do they think they are doing something criminal or unethical?  They do not.  Hmm.  Would exposure embarrass them?   This question got a nod.   Embarrassed? Why?  In truth, swingers are doing something that most people wish they could do.  They have sex with others and it doesn’t destroy their marriage.  Why?  Because two consenting adults have agreed to enter into this together.  There are no lies or secrets.

Would friends and family alienate you if they found out you were having an affair?

Admitting that you are a swinger should be a lot less traumatic than admitting you are having an affair, no?  After all, one is cheating and lying to someone you say you are in love with, the other is not.  Cheaters sneak around, worrying that they will be caught.   Getting caught would disrupt their lives and the lives of those around them.  Swingers, on the other hand, are out having a great time together.  They are out enjoying parties and events with their significant other.  This is something that others only dream of.

I wonder how many swingers are truly living this lifestyle unbeknownst to their friends and family.  Probably not nearly as many as believe they are.  Often times I watch swingers arrive at a club clad in an oversized trench coat in the middle of the summer.  When I ask these women if their family or neighbors don’t find this strange they say they don’t think so.  Really?  It’s 90 degrees outside and you leave your house or condo wearing a trench coat cinched at the waist with stiletto heels and nobody thinks that’s odd?

What happens to couples who come clean about the lifestyle?

Many swingers have said that when they finally decided to disclose to friends and family that they were swingers, many were not surprised.  Many said they had known about it for years but understood the swinger couple wanted to keep it to themselves.  (If these were the trench coat women, it’s no wonder people knew.)

What about the family and friends who did not suspect this person or couple was in the lifestyle?  What was their reaction?  Were they shocked and appalled?  Not according to the people I have spoken with.  Most said that more than anything, they were curious about swinging.  They asked a lot of questions but did not seem to have a negative reaction.  Many couples said that both friends and many family members (mostly siblings), eventually asked if they could tag along one night to see what it was all about.

Stop apologizing for your lifestyle choices; it’s your life and your decision to make.

Like any other group, in order to gain acceptance, we must learn to stand up for what we believe in.  Swingers should not be ashamed of their lifestyle.  Obviously it is not necessary to divulge what you do when you are at a swing club, or party, or another event.  Most people do not give blow by blow (pun intended) details to others about what they do in their bedrooms.  No need to reveal that you participated in a gang bang with 15+ men last Saturday. Nobody needs to know that you tried double penetration for the first time and loved it.  Many swingers don’t swap, and many people in the lifestyle are not swingers.  Enjoying the warm atmosphere that accompanies the lifestyle is a wonderful thing and people should not have to hide from it.

Why do people find it acceptable to learn that many famous couples are swingers?  Why are they held to a different standard than the rest of us.  Because they are famous?   Some are highly influential people and they do not deny that they are swingers.  Famous people frequently answer questions about their lifestyle and seem quite comfortable doing so.

What does wearing lifestyle jewelry actually say about you?

Wearing our jewelry means that you are open-minded.  If you think about it, being a part of the lifestyle really doesn’t mean more than that.   If your children or parents told you the same thing, would it concern you?  Although it might surprise you, you would  be happy to see them happy.

When we initially came up with the concept for the jewelry, we had just this vision in mind.  Wear the jewelry with pride.  First of all, others do not know what it means.  Secondly, even if they did, what does it really say about you?  It says that you are an open-minded person.

Let’s continue the movement to unite the lifestyle.  People in the lifestyle could really teach others a lot about relationships.  Honesty, respect and fun are the three hallmarks of the lifestyle.  What could be better than that?

To see our collection of lifestyle jewelry click here:  https://www.swingersjewelry.net/jewelry-for-swingers/page/2/

Imagine sending photos intended for swinger friends to your parents!

Photo of naked provocative woman wearing Partners ID jewelry
Taking photos is a wonderful way to capture memories of every kind.  From the day we are born, the cameras start flashing to ensure memories of this special event.  We embrace our photos as prized possessions and something tangible to remind us of the good times in our lives.  Birthdays, graduations, vacations with our families, holidays and good times with our friends.
 Swingers are no different, but their collections of photos are typically quite different from most people’s photos.  People in the lifestyle seem to take quite a bit of illicit pictures of themselves, and often their friends.  Check Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, or swinger websites. You will be inundated with more nude and pornographic photos than you can imagine.  Part of the fun of taking these photos is sharing them with your swinger friends, right?
 It is also common for swinger couples who have been speaking over the internet to request pictures of each other.  After all, you would like to see recent photos prior to meeting them.  It’s only logical then that you would choose to email these photos.  No big deal, right?  You pick out your favorite face shots. Then you look for that perfect sexy shot of the two of you engaged in some kind of sex act.  Maybe you like the one where you are giving your husband a blowjob while a black male is behind you. No?  Perhaps the one when your girlfriend is going down on you.   Type in the recipient’s email address and push send.  What could be simpler?  Although it should be a simple and private way to communicate, it does not always work that way.  We are human and computers do not always seem to be on the same page we are.

Swinger woman playing with herself wearing Partners ID bracelet

Sometimes the computer seems to magically change recipients without our knowledge.  I am sure it has happened to everyone:  you intend a message to go to one person and somehow it ends up going to someone else.  For most messages, this is simply a hassle or perhaps just plain annoying.  If you are a swinger, this particular type of scenario can be a whole lot worse.  You push send and as soon as your finger hits the button you see what’s happened!  The email is not addressed to your new friends at all but rather to your father!  OMG!  This actually happened to someone we know.
How about when your friends bring you into a group text message.  You and your vanilla friends agree on where to go for lunch or share some gossip about someone you all know.  We all have these group texts.  Not a problem until you decide to share some erotic photos with the swinger couple you played with the previous evening. It accidentally gets sent out in a group text.  There’s really nothing you can say because as we have heard, a picture is worth a thousand words.  Can you even imagine the conversation about you between your vanilla friends?  I shudder to think about it.
A couple was celebrating New Year’s Eve in a swing club and told their children they were heading out for a romantic dinner.  The club looked so beautiful they could not resist asking someone to take a picture of them against the festive backdrop.  They looked at the picture in the club that night and liked it so much they sent it right out to their children.  What they did not notice until the next day was that in the background was a monitor with porn.   There was nothing they could think of to explain this.
Another couple celebrated Halloween in a swing club and loved their clever costumes.  They asked a friend to take a photo of them and as they posed for the photo, a friend joined in for the shot.  When they checked the photo, they thought it was adorable.  The next day they met her parents for dinner and took out their phone to show them their cute costumes.  As they enlarged the picture, they realized the girl who joined in the shot had pulled her top down and her breasts were exposed.  It is very hard to think of what to say in these situations to somehow make things sound normal.
It seems that as long as swingers are snapping pictures of themselves and each other in compromising positions, there will always be the possibility of a mishap.  This does keep things interesting, no?

Never in a million years did I think I would be in the lifestyle!

An email we received from a customer:

Dear Partners ID,

My husband and I have been married for 25 years. We have children who are now living on their own and we both have careers that keep us busy. One evening after dinner, we settled into our typical nightly routine of watching tv on the couch. We talked about the upcoming weekend and who we wanted to go out with. I was shocked when my husband told me he couldn’t stand how routine our lives had become. We work all week, have dinner at home and on weekends go out to dinner or a movie with basically the same couples. He was afraid that our lives, now that our children were grown, would remain like this forever.  The thought of it made him sad.

Honestly, it was the first time I had ever thought about it, but I realized he was right. There was nothing to look forward to anymore; every week was the same.

That night I couldn’t sleep so I went on the computer to try to research what else couples at our stage of life were doing for fun. I came across a blog written by Penny which directed me to your website. At first, I was chuckling to myself about the prospect of Joe and myself as swingers, but as I read more blogs I started to realize that it really was about so much more than sex.

I started to research what exactly the swinging lifestyle entailed and thought it was worth mentioning to Joe. Never in a million years could I have imagined something like this, but I must admit, I was very curious.

When I initially mentioned it to Joe over coffee in the morning he thought I was insane. He, too, laughed at the thought.

For the first time in I don’t know how many years, he sent me a text and asked if we could meet for lunch. He told me he couldn’t get the thought out of this out of his mind and was excited that it was something I had an interest in. We had no idea how to go about the whole thing so I came back to your website to see what I could find.

It didn’t take long to find articles I needed to get started. We did some research online regarding local swing clubs and also spent some time looking at swinger dating sites. I will tell you that our sex life changed that very first night that we started to think about it! It was like something sparked inside both of us and we were alive and excited about what was to come!

Fast forward one year and our lives have changed dramatically. It has been years since my husband and I have been this happy and connected.  We look forward to our weekends with our new lifestyle friends and all the adventures! Each weekend we now go to parties and swing clubs and have booked a lifestyle cruise for the fall! Of course, we both wear your jewelry (proudly) and wanted to thank you for helping us find what we never knew we were looking for!

The friends that we used to spend every weekend with have noticed the difference in us but we don’t dare tell them what we are up to! We both work out several days a week and look younger and more fit than we have in years. Even our children see the change!

One of the biggest benefits of this lifestyle is the friends we have made. We are closer to them than any of the friends we have had in the past. We travel with them, meet them at clubs and even have sleepovers! What fun!

Thank you for opening our eyes to a wonderful new world! Your blogs are wonderfully honest and informative and your jewelry is beautiful! We wish you all the happiness that we have found!

xoxo
Debbie and Joe

Looking for our lifestyle jewelry? Simply click here: https://www.swingersjewelry.net/jewelry-for-swingers/

Have you ever been sure another couple swings but did not want to ask?

Woman at barbecue with swingers necklace

Hi Partners ID,

This story should help others realize why this jewelry is important.  Everyone in the lifestyle spends so much time trying to find other swingers.  Half the time, they are right under your nose, you just don’t realize it!

My wife and I are big football fans.  Having both grown up in the same state, we are fortunate to root for the same team. Our three boys are also very big fans of the sport as well.  For years we had 5 season tickets and never missed a game.  We tailgated before every game and never left before it was over. 

Now that our sons are grown and have lives of their own, it is just the two of us attending games.  We still enjoy tailgating and have met many people over the years who do the same.  

Here’s the part you are waiting for.  As we have met many couples over the years at football games, we have had our suspicions  about which ones might be in the lifestyle.  Although we have always prided ourselves on having an ability to pick out the swingers, this was not a place we wanted to take the chance.  We tried dropping hints, using the term vanilla, etc., but no bites from any of the couples we suspected.   It got to the point that my wife wanted to simply ask two of the couples.  She was so sure that they were both in the lifestyle.  I begged her not to out us to this group just in case she was wrong.

Many couples at our local swing club wear Partners ID jewelry.  Having admired it for so long, we decided to each buy a piece.  As we know by now, most swingers are aware of your jewelry and so we decided to wear ours to a football game.  We made sure it was easy for other people to see it during the tailgating party.  We made it a point to speak with all the couples we had suspected might be in the lifestyle.  Nothing!  I had a moment when someone admired it but I realized it was just a compliment and nothing more.  It seemed pretty obvious that these couples were probably not swingers. 

During the game, I left my wife to go the restroom.  When I returned, a woman was sitting in my seat chatting with my wife.  When she saw me she jumped up.  She took out her cellphone and handed it to my wife, who inputted her number and said we would be in touch.  My wife introduced me to the woman before she quickly returned to her own seat.  

Guess what, she saw the jewelry!  They have had the seats a few rows in front of us for 7 years and had often waved to us.  Although, prior to today, we had no way of knowing, they are swingers!  

We did meet them for drinks the following weekend and they are a super couple. It turns out, this couple noticed us about 5 years ago.  They had no idea we were in the lifestyle and had no intentions of ever asking.  It was the jewelry that told them that we are swingers!  There is no question that we will see them again soon.

The most unfortunate part of this story is that it made us think about all of the missed opportunities.  Obviously this is not the only time we have been around other swingers and simply had no way of knowing.  

We now wear it everyday and look forward to discovering who else we have been overlooking all of this time!

Thanks for listening!

Warmest wishes,

David and Kate

Miami, FL

See the beautiful jewelry David and Kate were wearing here:  https://www.swingersjewelry.net/jewelry-for-swingers/

Our hilarious experience taking ecstasy; part one of two…

 Ecstasy fueled party goers.

After reading about Monogamish Marriage’s* experience with MDMA, I thought I would write about our experience with Ecstasy.  

A few years ago we invited a friend for lunch on a Sunday afternoon.  As soon as he arrived, he took off his baseball cap and put his hand deep into the front pocket of his jeans.  He pulled out a white tissue which had been carefully folded.  Delicately placing the curious tissue on our countertop, he slowly unfolded and yelled, “Look what I have!”  My husband and I took a step forward to peer into the now open tissue.  

There inside the fold of the napkin lay 3 little pink heart-shaped pills.  I have to be honest, I had no idea what I was looking at, neither did my husband.  “Ecstasy,” he cried, “we are all going to take it this afternoon, it will be a blast.”

Shaking my head I turned away from the counter and told him no way, not interested.  My husband agreed that this was not his thing.  I will say that when I was in high school and college, I would have grabbed one and taken it without asking any questions.  For me, those days ended when I graduated from college.  For my husband, those days never existed and he never experimented with drugs at all.  

After desperately trying to persuade us to try this, our friend gave up.   The disappointment on his face was obvious.  He spent the entire afternoon extolling the virtues of taking ecstasy and how amazing sex is for everyone when they are high.  He even went as far as to tell my husband that his erection would be like never before.  

After he left, my husband seemed to take up his cause.  It doesn’t take a whole lot to persuade me to do things, and so I conceded. We decided it would be fun to have a small party and all the guests would take one half of a pill.

Soon the party was planned and we would be four couples.  Everyone was excited and arrived promptly so that we could all take a pill at the same time.  We were given our dietary instructions from the friend who had brought the pills and he was in charge of handing out the half pink hearts as each guest arrived.  We all swallowed our pills at the same time and went outside to listen to music.  Although he encouraged us not to drink alcohol, one couple did drink champagne.  

Almost exactly one hour later, I began to feel the effects.  It hit me so hard and fast that I was unable to speak.  I sat watching as the others seemed to notice that it was working.  The man who had been drinking suddenly felt very ill.  He started to sweat and felt palpitations in his heart.  As some of the others scrambled to help him, I literally could not move.  One of the men suggested that perhaps they should throw him into the pool to cool him off.  Sadly, I was the only one with any medical background and I couldn’t do anything but sit and pray that they didn’t do that because I was afraid the consequences could be deadly.  

Luckily, the initial reaction for this friend soon passed and he seemed to feel ok. One woman claimed she felt nothing and quickly took another half to “catch up”.  

We soon moved the party into the hot tub where we imagined all of the fun would begin.  The water was warm and everyone got comfortable.  The woman sitting next to me tapped me on the shoulder and in a baby voice said, “I’m Snow White and you are Cinderella!”  I literally couldn’t deal with such a nonsensical conversation and simply turned my back to her.  She continued to say this over and over to me until I started to feel sick. 

I made my way to the restroom and threw up.  Walking out of the restroom one of my friends was lying on the floor in front of a closed bedroom door.  She told me she was so hot she couldn’t stand it and could feel the breeze coming from underneath the door.  For me, I felt better when I looked into the light, so I stood staring up into the light from above.  Another friend found us and brought us back into the hot tub.

After getting sick, I felt much more in control.  I had a small drink and the feeling was now very nice.  (I was told liquor kills the effect of ecstasy and this was intentional).  The men were anxious to test out how sex would feel while high.  Unfortunately, 4 out of 4 men could not get any erection at all, which I found to be hilarious.  It did not matter what they tried, nothing worked.  As for the women, they said they felt no heightened interest in sex from taking the ecstasy, myself included.

The night ended as soon as everyone felt back to normal.  Only the woman who took the other half reported feeling high well into the next day.  Our friend who provided the pills was disappointed and said it must have been that batch because the reaction was not normal.

We did try it one more time at our next party.  I will write about that soon…

*You can find Monogamish Marriage’s experience here:  https://themonogamishmarriage.com/2020/03/09/sex-on-mdma/

Looking to find other swingers?  Why not wear lifestyle jewelry, it takes the guess work out!  Find it here:  https://www.swingersjewelry.net/jewelry-for-swingers/

Swinging; how do I bring up the topic to my significant other?

Wearing Partners ID jewelry is a good way to meet others in the lifestyle.

The most common question asked of swingers seems to be, “How do I get my husband/wife/girlfriend, etc., into the lifestyle?”  

There are many people out there who know about swinging and would like to swing. The problem is, they don’t know how to bring up the subject to their partner.

We have gotten quite a few emails from people who actually ask us this question. I’m not sure how I became the “Dr. Ruth” of swinging but I really don’t mind trying to help.

The majority of the time, this question comes from a man, but we have had women ask us as well. The interesting part is that many people have said the same thing. We often talk about how exciting it would be to bring another person into bed with us.  Although we both get turned on, I’m not sure how to make the leap to actually making this happen!

It is always a good sign if you have a good sexual relationship and can talk about things before you bring this up. It would seem to me that when you approach the subject, it should not be in the bedroom.

Many people like to fantasize to get excited but are not really prepared to act on these erotic imageries.

Several men said their wives get very turned when talking about having sex with multiple men at once. The operative word here is talk. There is a good chance that she is not prepared to actually do this in real life.  So how can you make this happen?

Try talking about how much you love to see your partner so turned on during sex. You love that they like to watch porn or to fantasize. Express how amazing it is that the two of you can share this together.

Mention that something you have always fantasized about was seeing other people have sex. Live sex, not on tv. How hot would that be?  This way you simply mention your desire to find a place where you can actually watch others having sex. This takes the pressure off of your partner.  You are not making your partner feel that they will have to be a part of it.

Check her reaction to a suggestion such as watching live sex.

Does she look at you like you are crazy or does she have a flicker of interest? If you get the ‘you’re crazy’ look, drop it and mention it again at a later time. The next time maybe say you came across this swing club online or in a magazine or a newspaper. After a while, she might get used to the thought. Perhaps your partner would be willing to just go and take a look. Again, it is extremely important to let her know that you just want to see it. That is all you want. This is, the first step.

Most women I have met in the lifestyle agree that it was not their idea to enter a swing club or check out any type of lifestyle venue. It is almost always the man’s suggestion. However, I will tell you that the woman is the one who requests to return. That being said, the major obstacle for most couples, is getting your partner to walk through the front door for the first time.

The smartest approach for many men seems to be to give the woman control of the situation from the very beginning.

When you are able to get her to agree to try it out for one night, encourage her to buy something new that will make her feel good. It is not important that she dress overly sexy, only that she feel good about herself. Try not to be overly eager about getting to the club or event. If you take a more casual attitude towards going, it will make her less nervous.

Most important of all, is when you arrive for the evening, make sure she is your number one priority.

Check to make sure she is comfortable. Make her feel special and attractive. If you walk in and start ogling all the other women, she will not like the environment from the get go. It is ok to be friendly, but let her take the lead and decide who she is comfortable talking to or not talking to. The same goes for a woman bringing a man. If you start to flirt with other people right away, your partner will feel insecure. Swinging must be about the two of you as a couple. If you leave your partner in the background during your visit, chances are, you will not be returning to any type of lifestyle event with them in the future.

The lifestyle is an amazing, exciting and warm environment.

There is no real reason why anyone would not enjoy it, as long as it is approached the right way. The number one problem that couples seem to have, which stops them from ever getting comfortable in the lifestyle, is jealousy. Nobody enjoys feeling insecure or left out. If you do not make it a priority to see to it that your partner is comfortable, they will not want to put themselves in this situation again, and who can blame them?

When you are new to swinging, it is very important to take your time.

Do not enter the lifestyle and think you should swing right away. It is more important to get adjusted to the situation before you take the plunge. Make sure that when you think you are both ready to take the next step, you have discussed it and know what you are both comfortable with. Always make sure to notice if your significant other is ok if you do swap with another couple.

Communication is the key to success in the lifestyle.

At the end of any night together it is a good idea to talk about the experience to make sure she/he was happy and comfortable with what happened. As long as you keep the lines of communication open from the start, you should have no trouble joining the lifestyle and making it a smooth transition. Swinging should be something wonderful for both members of a couple. It cannot work if one person is dragging the other person into it against their will.

Good luck and keep us posted!!

A sure way to find others in the lifestyle is by wearing our jewelry.  Each piece sports the international symbol for swinger.  To see the jewelry click here:  www.swingerjewelry.net/jewelry-for-swingers

 

 

A New Year’s Eve story that almost didn’t have a happy ending.

New Year's eve couple wearing Partners ID lifestyle jewelry

My wife’s favorite night of the year happens to be New Year’s Eve.  She loves shopping for a special dress, getting her hair done and spending the night at her favorite swing club.

My wife and I have been in the lifestyle for a long time (almost 20 years).  Our social life is limited to swing clubs and private parties, meet and greets and Sunday fundays.  We vacation at Desire and try to catch at least one lifestyle cruise every year.  Yes, we are hard core but this is our life and we love it.

We spend every Christmas in South Florida visiting my parents.   We discovered Trapeze about 10 years ago and have been going there every New Year’s Eve since discovering this club.  This year was to be no exception.  

We arrived in Florida for Christmas Eve and settled in for our 2 week stay.  Everything was great until we got a phone call early December 31 from her mother.  Her dad was admitted to the hospital with chest pains and they believed he had suffered a heart attack.

We soon boarded a plane and headed to Connecticut to see her dad.  Our only thought at this point was her dad and his health.

Long story short, we arrived at the hospital and her dad was resting comfortably.  He had not had a heart attack but did require a stent to prevent one.  He was fine and would be released the next morning.  We drove her mom home and she wanted nothing more than to sleep.

So here it is New Year’s Eve, in Connecticut, and we have no place to go.  Since my wife did not actually grow up in Connecticut, she is not familiar with the night life.  It was getting late so we decided to at least try to find a restaurant where we could enjoy a nice dinner.  

Not far from where her parents live is a tavern that advertised live music and dancing.  At least it was something!  The bar was lively with groups of people out to celebrate New Years Eve.  They had a large screen tv set up to watch the ball drop in Times Square.  My wife and I were anxious to relax and enjoy the evening and ordered some drinks.  Luckily we were seated at a table quickly and were able to get some food.  

After we finished eating we were happy to join the party goers out on the dance floor.  We had about 30 minutes before midnight and spent the entire time dancing.  

Our attention turned to the dj as he counted down the remaining 10 seconds of 2018.  As he screamed happy new year at exactly midnight, I turned to kiss my wife.  Just as we kissed, a couple appeared next to us, telling us they were next.  I was totally caught off guard when this attractive woman started kissing me right on the mouth.  As I turned to look at my wife, she and the man were deep into a french kiss of their own. 

I took a step backward to try to see if we knew this couple.  The woman reached over and tugged at my necklace.  “We have these too,” she said, which made me smile right away.   We spent the rest of the night with this couple and that is how new years was saved!  Obviously we are so grateful that we wear this lifestyle jewelry because without it, we would have not have met them.  It was a wonderful and memorable evening!

Happy New Year to everyone!

Cheers!

Alex and Anna

Ashburn, VA

Remember to check out our lifestyle jewelry here:  https://www.swingersjewelry.net/jewelry-for-swingers/

Temptation: Why it is not a big problem for couples in the lifestyle.

Swingers avoid temptation

Recently, a friend asked me if I had ever watched this show called Temptation Island.

To be honest, I had never even heard of it. She explained a little bit about it and told me she would be curious to hear my take on the show. It sounded interesting so I decided to watch a few episodes. As a swinger, this show proved to be pretty entertaining. According to their homepage, Temptation Island is a reality show in which several couples agree to live with a group of singles of the opposite sex, in order to test the strength of their relationships.

My friend had asked if this was basically a show about swinging.

First of all, for those people who are not in the lifestyle, this concept is exactly the opposite of why people choose to swing. People in the lifestyle are not there to decide if their partner is “right” for them. We do not “explore other relationships” or “test the strength of our relationship”. These are the premises on which this show is based. Ultimately they try to set the couples up for failure for public entertainment. Swinging is not about any of these things.

Couples who choose to enter the lifestyle (when they do it for the right reasons) are there as a couple. They operate as a team. The one thing swingers will say is that the most important part of swinging is seeing their partner happy. The last thing swingers are looking for is to fall in love with someone else.

Swinging is primarily about sex.

We often find ourselves developing friendships and close relationships with other swingers, but there is a line that we do not cross. Most couples are friendly as couples. The communication is generally either between the two women, the two men, or the four people at the same time.

This is not the case with every couple in the lifestyle. There are different types of swinger relationships. Some couples are ok with their partner dating others and forming relationships but this is not generally the case. Most swingers are in the lifestyle together.

Temptation Island is a show that puts couples in situations that would be difficult for even the most solid couples to withstand.

It does its best to create jealousy and mistrust between each individual couple. As the couples cannot communicate for almost a solid 30 days, it becomes impossible to work things out as a couple. To top it off, while they are apart, they are living with members of the opposite sex who are there looking to find love. The concept is the whole “kid in the candy store” type scenario.

The obvious downfall for these couples is the temptation to cheat. The show claims the couple’s inability to remain faithful during these 30 days is proof that their relationships were doomed before arriving. The thing that made me curious as a swinger was twofold:

1. Could vanilla couples who have been together for many years (10+) withstand this 30-day temptation?

2. Could couples in the lifestyle?

To answer question 1 is very difficult. During a few of the episodes, they show snippets of what each partner has been doing. Some clips are misleading and make people think there is infidelity. Would this cause long term committed couples to give in to temptation? I believe it would for the majority of couples.

What about couples in the lifestyle, where having sex with others is part of their lives? Would the temptation prove to be too much? Quite honestly, I don’t think so. I honestly believe that couples in the lifestyle don’t feel the need to cheat. Their relationships are open doors so the thrill is diminished.

Temptation is only an issue when we want something that we should not or cannot have. If the temptation is readily available to us, it would diminish our lust for it.  This would be the case for swingers.  We allow each other to explore these temptations together and so there is no need to crave it.

To be fair, this show works very hard to entertain the viewers.

To accomplish this, they create an environment that would make it difficult for most people to succeed.

Temptation in any form is something that is considered bad or evil.

To avoid temptation, most people would choose to remove themselves (or that which is tempting them), from the situation. This show forces men and women to spend 30 days living with this temptation. So for 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, this temptation is staring them in the face. Not only that, the temptation is calling to them and enticing them to act. This type of environment would prove difficult for most people.

Although the show is entertaining, I can’t understand why couples would put themselves into a situation like this. Like every other reality show, the drama is the most entertaining aspect of the show.

To get back to my friend’s question about Temptation Island really being a show about swingers, the answer is a firm no. This show might explain why swinging can be a healthy alternative to cheating. Temptation will occur in most relationships at some point, but it is how one deals with it. Many people will give in to it and take a chance, swingers will point out the temptation to their significant other and see if they can make it happen. One is honest and open, the other is not.

Jealousy; why do some people suffer with this while others seem immune?

Jealous woman
Jealous woman sitting at bar with her husband flirting in the background

 

What is jealousy?

According to dictionary.com, jealousy is defined as the following:

1.jealous resentment against a rival, a person enjoying success or advantage, etc., or against another’s success or advantage itself.
2.mental uneasiness from suspicion or fear of rivalry, unfaithfulness, etc., as in love or aims.
3.vigilance in maintaining or guarding something.
4.a jealous feeling, disposition, state, or mood.

 

Are some people more prone to feeling jealous?

It certainly seems that some people really struggle with jealousy issues, while others seem immune. The lifestyle is absolutely an environment where jealousy can really come into play. Perhaps the ability to control or avoid jealousy stems from our upbringing. When parents teach their children not to compare themselves with others, this is a healthy way to teach self confidence.

Teaching children to treat others in a way they would like to be treated can also go a long way in helping. If children are taught to understand that their kindness and empathy for others is important, they will learn to practice this. When people grow up with the understanding that they should follow the “Golden Rule”: ‘do unto others as you would have them do unto you,’ it goes a long way to understanding how to treat others.

 

Why do some people have such issues with this? Is it because they don’t feel good about themselves?

Why is it that some people have no problem with jealousy, while others really suffer with this? Although we tend to think jealousy stems from a lack of self confidence, in fact, it really has little to do with this. Jealousy usually occurs when you do not have confidence in the other person. If your partner thinks about his or herself first, this can become a problem. If your partner, on the other hand, always seems to consider how you are feeling, it goes a long way to making you feel relaxed and secure. Even for those who struggle with low self esteem, if your partner is always complimenting you and making you feel good about yourself, you will eventually come to trust that your partner feels attracted to you. Swinging can bring up serious issues about insecurity. If your partner gives you the confidence to feel good about yourself, this will go a long way in helping to curb any jealous feelings.

 

Communication between a couple will go along way to helping to avoid any jealous feelings.

The lifestyle is obviously not for everyone. Couples who choose to swing must have a very solid relationship. Couples who have this strong bond are very open with each other about what works for them and what does not. Communication is key to success in the lifestyle. If one partner has any doubts about why their partner wants to swing, this could lead to disaster. Before attempting to swing, couples should discuss what they are comfortable with. If one person is afraid they might feel jealous, the couple should address this ahead of time to try to understand why. They should then figure out how to eliminate any doubts from the person’s mind about the reasons their partner wants to swing. The jealous partner will never be the one to seek out the lifestyle; they will be the one who goes along.

 

Does it mean that you love a person more if seeing them with someone else makes you jealous?

Actually, it has nothing to do with that. Jealousy can become a problem for anyone if they do not trust their partner. It does not matter if you are a swinger or not. If your partner does not make you feel secure, jealousy is the result. You begin to question their motives, especially in the lifestyle.

 

How can we learn to either avoid it or eliminate jealous feelings?

When you are a swinger, if your partner always consults with you regarding what you would like or who you would like to play with, there would be no reason to feel jealous. If your partner keeps checking in to make sure you are happy and comfortable, you feel they care about you. How could you feel jealous when someone makes you a priority?

When you take the attitude that what is good for you, is good for your partner, it helps keep you balanced. If you want your partner to treat you a certain way, you should first treat your partner that way. It starts at the very beginning of any evening. When you take time to get dressed and look your best, if your partner says nothing, you wonder if maybe you don’t look great. You start to second guess your hair, what you are wearing, etc. If, on the other hand, your partner takes notice and tells you how nice you look, the night will start off on a better note.

If your partner grabs your hand while you are talking to other couples, it makes you feel united. When they pay you a compliment in front of others, it also makes you feel special. Going that little extra distance will make any partner feel special and important. Imagine if everyone took a moment out of their night to tune in to the person they are with to let them know how special they are. Maybe an unexpected kiss or touch; it goes a long way to making your partner feel loved. When you feel loved and secure, there is never a reason to feel jealous.

Communicating the reason you swing to your partner will also help to avoid jealous feelings. When you remind them that they are your priority, it helps them to accept seeing you play with someone else. When you take the time to tell you partner that swinging is for the moment, that they are your partner and you will go home together, it makes a big difference. When you are playing with someone else, a simple touch or kiss with your partner reminds them that you are there for them all the time. It tells them that even though you are playing with someone else, they are still thinking about you.

 

Can we learn to turn off jealous feelings?

If a couple takes the time to practice these tips, there should be no reason for anyone to feel jealous. Just remember, the next time you want to leer at someone you are interested in or disregard your partner’s lack of desire to play with another couple that you are not thinking about them. If one person is always thinking about themselves, jealousy will come into play for their partner.

Always remember that what is good for you, is good for your partner. If you treat your partner in a way that is respectful and loving, you give them no reason to feel jealous. It’s that simple.