Infidelity and the lifestyle; how swinging helps couples avoid cheating on each other.

Happy couple clinking wine glasses
Happy couple clinking wine glasses

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

People who are not in the lifestyle, equate swinging with infidelity.  Obviously, for people who swing, this is absolutely untrue.   According to dictionary.com. infidelity means:

1.  marital disloyalty
2.  unfaithfulness
     Considering those two meanings, swingers are not being disloyal or unfaithful to their spouses.  Perhaps we should think of swingers as writng their own rules in their own marriages.  They have decided together, as a couple, to open their marriage to something more. Whether or not religious figures would agree that this is not adultery or infidelity is another topic altogether.

It is not uncommon to hear people who are not in the lifestyle to question why couples swing.  Besides that they imagine swingers to be perverted deviants, their perception of swingers is really off.  They have a hard time understanding why people would be open to having sex with someone other than their spouse.  More than that, they cannot fathom why swingers do not get upset with the fact that their significant others are doing this.

Let’s consider this:  if a department store invited you to visit anytime, and take what you needed for free, would you ever feel the need to steal something from them?   Silly question right?  How can you steal something if they are giving it to you for free?   Let’s say you are in school and need help on an exam and the teacher tells you anytime you don’t know an answer to just ask her and she will tell you. Would you need to copy off someone’s paper?  What would be the point?  The teacher has already offered the free help, right?  It is the same in the lifestyle.  Your partner offers to let you swing with other people, why would you need to do this behind their back?  That is not to say that it never happens because it probably does, but what it is the point?

It is very common when you speak with swingers to hear how surprised they were when they first entered the lifestyle to discover how in love swingers seemed to be.  It was exactly the opposite of what they had imagined.  If couples were so in love, what drove them into the lifestyle?  The best answer is probably honesty.

The relationship between a couple who chooses to swing has to be very open and honest.   In order to swing, they had to get to the point where they could admit that although they love each other, they would like to try something else.  It is normal for  couples to fall into a routine or rut with their sex life.  Some couples try to spice things up by watching porn, using toys, trying different positions or even going to strip clubs.  What happens when that is not enough?

For couples not in the lifestyle, unfortunately, they might look to someone else to fill that void.  Infidelity is exceptionally selfish.  One person in the couple chooses to find excitement that is lost with their partner while the other partner makes do with  the lack of fulfillment.  Sometimes both parts of the couple choose to be unfaithful to each other while maintaining  the facade of a wonderful marriage.  How long can that last?

When you consider the avenue swingers take, it seems more logical and loving.  Swinging is something couples do together.  They venture into the lifestyle as a couple not to find someone to replace their partner, but to find couples to spice up their sex life.  The excitement is something they experience together.  The only sneaking around these couples might be engaging in, is from their family and friends. Swinging creates a very strong bond;  you are naughty together.

When you consider the freedom that swinging brings to both members of the couple, who would feel the need to cheat?  Sure, there are always exceptions, but that shows a true character fault.  Generally speaking, swingers would agree that they have no reason to cheat.  Swinging helps them to avoid infedelity.

Many couples who have been in the lifestyle for many years reach different levels of comfort with separating while swinging.  Some couples have no problem allowing their significant other to play on their own while traveling or with friends they have met in the lifestyle.  They talk about how much pleasure they get just from hearing about the escapades of their partners.   The only request they make of each other is to tell them about what they do when they play on their own.  Some couples never separate and continue their swinging journey side by side.  Either way, the degree of trust and freedom is immeasurable compared with those not in the lifestyle.

Everyone is different and perhaps there are couples who never feel the desire to play outside their marriage.  It seems that number would be very low when you consider how rampant infidelity is.

My question to those not in the lifestyle is this:  why not try to explore together what both of you are secretly wishing for?  It is impossible to believe that every married adult at some point has not fantasized about having sex with someone else.  A neighbor, a  teacher, a coworker, someone famous or your spouse’s best friend.   The best part about swinging is that these are no longer secrets or fantasies!  You and your partner not only talk about what your sexual fantasies are, you experience them together.  What could be more honest and intimate than that?  That is what creates such a strong bond between swingers.   When you have everything you need at home, why would you need to go elsewhere?

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Who are we to judge what is right for other people?

 

 

Why do people feel the need to judge each other?  Why are some people so sure that they are right and the way they choose to live is the only correct way?  Who appointed them both judge and jury in deciding what is right for other people?

Times have changed a lot over the past half century.  There used to be only two genders, a marriage was between a man and a woman, if you were born male, you stayed male (and vice versa), there was no public cross dressing or transgender,  most people who were gay were not comfortable exposing themselves, etc.

Here we are in 2018 and things are quite different.  We have come a long way in expressing ourselves and embracing differences between people.  Although many people have evolved and accepted our differences, there are still many people who fear what they cannot understand.  

A friend of mine is very happily married, but as I have discovered, is quite different from most people I know.  Although she and her husband are swingers, we do not play with them.  They prefer to have a more intimate relationship with the people they swing with.  They also do not call it swinging or playing, but refer to it as “making love”.  Right there, we were out.  

Recently this couple traveled to Europe on vacation and met a woman named Cici.  As my friend describes it, “There was this instant attraction between Cici and Mark (her husband).  I could feel the chemistry between them.  We were simply enjoying some afternoon coffee and Cici was in the coffee shop.  There were no available tables so we asked if we could join her.  We spent the next 2 hours sipping coffee listening to her describe the city and the places she insisted we visit.  We exchanged phone numbers and made plans to have dinner with her that evening at a restaurant near her home.”

My friend goes on to describe her joy at watching her husband fall in love with this woman while overseas.  I was imagining that what happened in Italy, stayed in Italy, but I was wrong.  Cici has been in regular touch with her husband and is planning to move here to be closer to Mark.  They have also spoken about having a baby together.  

To be honest, my first reaction was utter shock and disbelief.  What?!  Your husband has fallen in love with another woman, she is moving here to be closer to him and they are already talking about having a child together?  And, you are so happy for them.  What am I missing?  Where do you fit into this picture?  She assured me that this would be a perfect addition to their marriage and to their family.

This was when it occurred to me:  times have changed and so have people.  It might not be something that would work for me, but it works for them.  It’s really no different from my friends who are not swingers trying to understand how I can be happy for my husband when he enjoys having sex with another woman. One friend told me that no matter how hard she tries, she cannot understand how this is possible.  We are so programmed to believe that there is only one right way of doing things, that when someone is living a life that is at odds with what we have always thought was ‘right’,  we take notice, and often, pass judgement.

When men and women first started to be openly gay and lesbian, it was very hard for some to imagine how they could prefer their own sex as a life partner.  After all, we were raised to believe men and women were meant to share lives together, not two men or 2 women.  If we look at the gay community today, they have proven everyone wrong.  Although it is not right for everyone, clearly it works for them.  

The thought of people physically changing their gender would have been impossible to believe decades ago, yet it has become common enough that it is no longer newsworthy.  The state of Delaware has been considering allowing children as young as age 5 to choose their own race and gender without parental consent.  Although it does not seem to be a particularly popular decision, it might not be long before other states follow their lead. 

We discovered that the state of New York now recognizes 31 genders and gay marriage is now legal in all 50 states here in the US.  

Looking at all of the changes we have seen, you would think people have discovered that just because it is not right for them, it does not give them the right to judge others.  However, it seems this is still not the case.  Many people are still admonishing those who choose to forge their own path and follow their own ideals. Some folks are still not ready to accept the LGBT community, swingers, polygamists or any other group or lifestyle that does not conform to their own beliefs.  Even those who are living alternative lifestyles can be quick to judge people who are different from themselves.  

What do we gain by deciding what is right for others?  When will people be free to live a life that is right for them without fear of admonishment by others?

Hopefully with all of the changes we have seen in the past fifty years, people will continue to evolve both spiritually and mentally.  We are on the right path but we still have a long way to go.  

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Newsflash:  Women are sexual beings who have fantasies and desires of their own. They also love sex!

Woman who loves sex in bed wearing Partners ID lifestyle necklace
Woman who loves sex in bed wearing Partners ID lifestyle necklace

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Sex is not simply something that only men enjoy.  Women get a tremendous amount of pleasure from it as well.  Why do women have such a hard time admitting this?

Why is a woman’s sexuality still such a confusing topic?  Why do so many people still believe that women are sexual simply to please men?  This stereotype still exists and casts a shadow over women who readily admit that they enjoy sex.  

Still, to this day, if a woman says she loves sex, this causes people to make assumptions about her:  She’s wild, she’s a whore, she will sleep with anyone, etc.  Where does this come from?  Why is it when men say they love sex (which they never have to say, it is always assumed) it is taken in stride?  It is normal for men to love sex but something is very wrong when a woman does. 

I can remember a conversation I had with some friends many years ago.  One woman mentioned that it was her husband’s birthday and so she gave him the obligatory blow job that morning.  It was something she was only willing to do once a year.  I was honestly in shock and blurted out, “Once a year?!  I give my husband a blow job every day!”  With that comment, all heads turned in unison to stare at me with mouthes wide open.  They all thought my husband must be some type of a monster to force me to do this.  Force me?  I explained that I loved pleasuring him and it turned me on to see him so excited.  All four women shook their heads in disbelief and the topic was dropped.  

I remember thinking that not one of them believed me when I said I enjoyed it.  Thankfully I didn’t tell them we had sex twice a day every day because I love sex.  I did wonder, after this conversation, why women had such a hard time believing that another woman could find pleasure in giving her man head.  Was I different?

The answer is, yes, I think I am different.  Different from many women simply because I am willing to admit that I love sex.  While it is certainly possible that not every woman does love it, I do believe that many more women love it than are willing to admit to it.  Why do women pretend not to love sex?  Certainly it is not always pleasurable if the person you are with is not very good at it.  There are however, toys and aids to help.  It is also a good idea to guide your partner if they are not good at understanding what you need or what feels good to you. Most men truly want to please their partner and prefer she tell him then leave him guessing.  Men also get pleasure from seeing their partner enjoying themselves and getting turned on.  If a man feels that a woman is having sex with him out of obligation, he will not enjoy it in the same way.

Many women seem a bit shy to express their desire for sex.  Let’s face it, we grew up learning that girls who love sex were dirty and easy.  They were thought to be indiscriminate in who they slept with and were willing to do anything to please a guy.  It seems nobody ever thought to ask a girl if perhaps she wanted to have sex with guys purely because she enjoyed it. 

I love sex but that does not mean that I am not particular about who I will play with.  I do not cruise around by day looking to pick up men for a quickie. I am also not a nymphomaniac.  There is nothing extraordinary about me.  I am a mother, a daughter, sister, employee, and wife who just happens to enjoy sex.  You wouldn’t be able to spot me on the street and think:  now there’s a woman who loves sex! 

The lifestyle seems to be the perfect fit for sexual women.  Swinging attracts women with all different types of sexual appetites.  It is a safe and comfortable environment for women who love to simply watch others have sex, to the opposite extreme of women who like gang bangs, and everything in between.  Nobody is there to judge, and this type of environment allows women to speak and act freely regarding their sexual desires.  It can be very liberating for women who always thought they were not normal simply because they love sex.  

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New swingers tend to worry about being “outed”; should they?

New swingers peeking around corner; woman wearing Partners ID jewelry
Newbie peeking around corner; woman wearing Partners ID jewelry

 

 

 

Prior to entering the lifestyle, most new swingers tend to have the same concern:   what if we run into someone we know?  Will they tell other people they saw us?  It is normal for new swingers to worry about this, especially if they are looking to swing close to home.  Some people are well known in their community and even without disclosing their last name, people might readily recognize them.  It is normal to be apprehensive before getting started.

Prior to our first visit to a swing club, I was terrified that we would see people we know.  As it turned out, we did.  We saw four couples that we knew.  As soon as I spotted the first couple I grabbed my husband and told him we had to leave.  He insisted that it would be fine.  Within moments of my spotting one couple, they turned and saw us.  They walked right over and welcomed us to the club.  They were so warm and clearly happy to see us.  They then introduced us to a group of their friends.  When I voiced concern about  knowing so many people, they assured me that people are very discreet and would never discuss what or who they see at a swing club.

Most swingers will tell you that lifestyle events are filled with many couples but the theme is always the same:  what happens in the lifestyle, stays in the lifestyle.  Although there are couples who are open with their friends and families about the fact that they swing, the majority of swingers choose to keep this private.  Should new swingers worry about those couples talking freely about who they see when they are swinging?  Probably not because that would cause people to distrust them and keep their distance.

Many couples look to begin swinging by joining an online site for swingers.  It can be a bit daunting when the first thing the site asks the new swingers for is personal information and a photo.  Luckily, most sites do not require a photo of your face and names and addresses are used solely for payment purposes.  They all offer the option to choose a screen name and to post pictures that you are comfortable with.  Many sites offer private photo gallery options which allow you to keep your photos private.  To let others view them, you must give them a secret code to unlock the photos.  Online swinger sites make finding couples you already know very difficult.  Without asking a couple for their screen name, chances are you would not even find them if you looked for them.  The same goes for curiosity seekers; first they would have to pay to join, then finding people they know without knowing their screen names would be almost impossible.

While it is true that many swingers shy away from online profiles with no pictures readily available, not all do.  Some couples will understand your need for privacy, as many people on these sites have tech savvy children as well.  Although people will argue that the site is password protected, some folks out there will still be too worried to post photos.

Swing clubs are always a very easy way to get started in the lifestyle, but again, newbies worry that they will see someone they know.  This is always a possibility but again, if you are both at the club, you are both there for the same reason.  Chances are, you will become better friends because you already know each other.

What if you are a public figure of some kind?  This means other people will know who you are but you will not know who they are.  That seems to be the biggest concern of all for well known new swingers.  If you are someone who is in a position of power, what if people who work around you in lesser positions spot you.  Will they talk about it at work?  After all, that would be good gossip.  That is always a possibility but again, in order to out you, they have to out themselves.  In this case, being friendly and warm will serve you better in the long run.  It is less likely that people will talk about you if they like you.

There is never any guarantee that people will not somehow discover your secret life but that should not keep you from enjoying the lifestyle.  There are so many wonderful people who swing and they are not really interested in who you are outside of the lifestyle.  They, like you, are there to have a good time.  Life is too short to always worry ‘what if’!

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Is Facebook the new morality police? Apparently, swinging goes against their standards.

Shocked couple checking Facebook
Shocked couple checking Facebook

I try never to mix sex with politics. Actually, I try never to mix anything with politics, I’ve learned it doesn’t play well with others (unless people share your views).

I was informed by Facebook that my postings don’t meet their standards and so therefore we are banned from posting. First it was 3 days, then 7 days and now 30 days. They told me our posts contain content that they do not feel meets their standards. It never told me which posts were offensive so it was left to me to try to figure this out. Obviously, we don’t share the same “standards” as I never removed all that were of concern, and if at the end of 30 days they still don’t like my posts, we will be banned for life.

Since when did Facebook become the morality police? How is it possible for a company who is not paying taxes to claim some high moral ground?   http://gawker.com/5984831/facebook-will-pay-no-taxes-get-huge-refund-instead

Hmm… Banned for life, that sounds serious. It also made me sad. Not because I care about Facebook but because they see sex and love as “dirty” and “inappropriate”. It didn’t seem to bother them when Kathy Griffin’s image of our president’s head on fire appeared on everyone’s page (again, not saying I cared, just pointing it out). It was ok to rehash the comments from the state of Maine’s candidate, who called a Parkland student a ‘skinhead lesbian’. I have seen videos showing live shootings of both men and animals and various other things that I personally felt did not meet my standards.

So this is the current state of being in our country. Facebook has deemed pictures that are seductive or provocative in nature as unsuitable for people over the age of 18 to view, and must take drastic measures to protect people from these images. It makes me sad. Partners ID is not about porn, it doesn’t condone cheating, or hatred or anything negative whatsoever. I did happen to notice that they don’t have any issue with Ashley Madison (you know, the company that encourages married people to find others to have affairs with). So Facebook feels that cheating meets their standards?

The sad part is that they are not the only ones who feel that cheating is better than swinging. Over the years I have known many (too many) people who have cheated on their spouse. The initial reaction within the group of friends closest to the couple was always shock. After the initial shock wore off, nobody cared. The couples that stayed together were still part of the group: invited to parties and dinners and other events. How many people can say the same about their friends when they discovered you are swingers? Most people never reveal to their close friends that they swing because they know they will not be accepted.

It appears Facebook is not the only one passing judgement. How many law makers would sit idly by if the news about Trump was not about an affair he had or lewd comments he made, but rather information showing that he is a swinger?

Where is the disconnect? When a married couple decides to embark on something as a couple, where is the problem? I understand that swinging is not for everyone. Swinging is not a cult, swingers are not out there trying to recruit people so what are people so afraid of? They are also known for their open minded ways. Swinging is inclusive and non-discriminatory, which is more than I can say for most people, clubs and organizations.

As you can see, I honestly don’t believe Facebook is as concerned with the provocative photos as much as it is with the message. I know this because this is not the first time we have run into this problem. The first page they banned had no photos and there was a problem. Do they also have an issue with the LGBTQ community?

Where does this bias against swingers come from? Religion? After everything we have learned about religious leaders in the past 10 years, I hardly think they should be concerned with what committed couples are doing together behind closed doors. Especially since what swingers are doing is strictly between consenting adults.

It is so hard to believe that in the year 2018, sex is still a dirty word.  Images that are seductive and imply sex are more than adults can stand to see. They need companies like Facebook to shield them from the harsh realities of adult life. Images or supporters of child abuse, rape, and the sex trade should be banned. These are crimes and should never be seen as anything else. Swinging is something that loving couples enter into to enhance their relationships. It gives them freedom and keeps them from cheating.

When are people going to wake up and stop passing judgement, especially on something that is a choice?   Personally, I think it’s time.

 

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“I never thought it would happen to me!” A swinger’s story…

Couple wearing Partners ID jewelry, whispering
Couple wearing Partners ID jewelry, whispering

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Hi Partners ID.  I love reading your blog but I especially like to read the emails you recieve from folks who have had success with the jewelry.  Just like most things in life, I never thought it would happen to me but it did!  Magical!

We have been swingers for about 5 years and mostly seek out parties at hotels near where we live.  It can be a bit frustrating because we would like to have more of a swinger social life but we really don’t have a club close enough to drive just  for an evening.  

To try to satisfy our desire to immerse ourselves in swinging, we took a vacation in August to Hedonism.   That’s where we discovered your jewelry.  It worked like a charm in Jamaica because people could identify that we were swingers and so they approached us.  To be honest, we weren’t really sure if we would have any success with the jewelry back at home.

I wear my necklace everyday for two reasons:  first because I love the design and second, obviously, because I would like to meet other swingers.  

We live in a wonderful community and have met many of our neighbors since moving in last year.  We got a note in our mailbox a few weeks ago inviting us to their annual block party.  We are a very social couple and looked forward to spending the afternoon with everyone while hoping to meet some new people.  

We offered to help with the set up, and spent the evening before the party baking goodies to share with our neighbors.  We arrived early and were greeted by a couple we had not yet met.  They were quite a bit older than we are but were so warm and  welcoming.  They mentioned that their son and his wife would be attending the party and hoped we would get a chance to meet them.  

We were impressed with the turnout for the party!  There were well over 100 people out on the street enjoying the food, music, games and socializing.  At one point my husband left me talking with another couple to run back and get us some drinks.  He ran into the older couple that we had helped with the set up.  They were with their son and his wife and were thrilled to be able to introduce them to my husband.  

A short time later my husband returned and he was wilth another couple who seemed anxious to meet me.  I politely excused myself and went over to meet them.  With a big smile on his face my husband introduced me to this couple, who are about the same age we are.  I went to shake the man’s hand and he pulled me in for a kiss.  I was a little stunned until he whispered in my ear  to look at his bracelet.  Sure enough, there it was!  He, too, was wearing your jewelry!  OMG I was so excited to meet them!  We spent the entire rest of the day with them and the next night as well!  The best part is, since his parents are our neighbors, they come to town quite often.  

Such a great concept!  Thank you again for what you are doing for the lifestyle!  Like I said, it’s magical!

~Lisa and Doug

Colorado (too small a town to name!)

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Is swinging merely friends expressing their friendship sexually?

Swinger friends on the beach wearing Partners ID jewelry
Swinger friends on the beach wearing Partners ID jewelry

 

 

 

Is swinging merely friends expressing their friendship sexually?

We get a lot of emails not only our customers, but from people who are curious about swinging. We recently received an email from someone who could not understand the dynamics of swinging. Sadly, like so many people who are not in the lifestyle, they wondered if every friendship swingers enter into was ultimately with the hope of swinging.

I can hear every swinger around the world groaning, and believe me, I feel your pain. First of all, swingers are not sexual deviants disguised as normal people. (Perhaps some are, but not most.) Even when swingers go to a swing club, lifestyle resort or party, most are not open to playing with everyone at the club or event. Just like vanilla people, swingers choose to be with people that turn them on. Believe it or not, even if they find a vanilla friend or coworker attractive, they will not pursue them for sex. It simply does not work like this.

I remember my husband confiding in a close vanilla friend, years ago, that we were in the lifestyle. What do you think his first question was? He wanted to know if my husband and I had talked about having sex with he and his wife. Now this was awkward. The truth is, we had never even thought about it. They are nice people, but since they are not swingers, it never came up in conversation. Believe it or not, he seemed insulted by the answer. Who’s crazy now?

What we discovered is that although vanilla people don’t want you to hit on them, they want to believe that you would be sexually attracted to them if they were swingers. (Shaking my head.)
The second question was whether or not we had interest in anyone in our circle of vanilla friends. Again, no, we never thought about it.

Swingers will tell you that if they do not get a radar reading about another person or couple being active in the lifestyle, chance are, they are not thinking about having sex with them. That is not to say that swingers never fantasize about friends and coworkers, but that is different from contemplating hitting on them!

Back to the original question: is swinging merely friends expressing their friendship sexually?

Many swingers have lifestyle friends that they do not have sex with. They enjoy their company, as you would any vanilla friend, but they are not attracted to each other. Sometimes you are strictly sexually attracted to a couple but have nothing else in common. You play with them but do not seek them out socially. Swinging is a lot like dating. With some people you hit it off and the chemistry is right so there is sex. With others, there is no chemistry, but yet you enjoy each other’s company so perhaps remain friends. Still then, there are people with whom you have chemistry with but little else in common.

Swinging is really not such a complicated phenomenon. Perhaps the easiest way to think about swinging is like dating for couples. Dating for swingers, however, at times seems like the opposite progression from actual dating. Couples seek out other couples for sex. Sometimes you all enjoy each other’s company and a friendship is born; other times you remain acquaintances and say a quick hello when you see each other. Some couples prefer to follow the same pattern as regular dating: they like to meet couples that they have something in common with and then have sex. The problem is when you are dealing with four personalities, it can be much more complicated to find a good match where everyone is happy.
For this reason, many couples simply look for the sexual chemistry first and the friendship second.

If swinging were merely friends expressing their friendship sexually, swingers would be having sex with all of their lifestyle friends and they are not. What is different about friendships within the lifestyle is that they are sexual in nature. Swingers talk freely about sex and are not shy to be naked in front of each other. What brings them together as friends is their uninhibited attitudes.

For those of you who are asking about the lifestyle I encourage you to check it out. The worst case scenario is that it is not for you. At least this way you know what it is all about and whether or not it is something that interests you. I will say that for people who are curious enough to ask about it, chances are the lifestyle is something you will enjoy!

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How can you tell if another couple wants to swing with you?

A couple and single girl at a bar wearing Partners ID Jewelry
A couple and single girl at a bar wearing Partners ID Jewelry

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Swinging can sometimes feel like dating.  Remember in the past when you met someone and spent a fair amount of time wondering if they liked you?  Then you tried to decide if they liked you, or liked you liked you.   The only difference now, is that usually swingers are couples looking for other couples.  Although it sounds so simple, it is not.  Instead of the traditional one person seeking out another, it is now one couple (2 people) looking for another couple (2 more people).  That equals four people who must all be on the same page.  It might not sound that complicated but it can be.

The other part of this equation is wondering when you do meet other swingers, how to know which couples want to swing with you.  That too, can be complicated.  When you are dealing with a couple, maybe the man likes you, but his wife doesn’t like your husband (or vice versa).  The problems with four people are multiplied dramatically so it’s important to pay attention to signs and signals that other couples are giving you.

Swing clubs are a great place to meet other couples (or singles) to swing with. They have a sexy, night club atmosphere and most of the people who are there, are there to swing. This does not mean, however, that every couple you meet wants to swing with you. So how can you tell who is and who is not interested?

Most adults have learned that when they are in a social situation, they should be friendly and warm. We were taught to be polite and smile. If someone talks to us, we should have the common courtesy to listen and even join in the conversation. People in swing clubs, tend to be very friendly and welcoming to each other. So with all this smiling and kindness, how can we distinguish between people are who being polite and people who are interested in having sex?

For some couples, it’s not that hard to figure out, whereas for others, they seem to have no clue at all (think Sheldon Cooper). Here is a little quiz to help you determine if you are on the right track to finding other couples to play with:

You are sitting at the bar and a couple walks over. They are trying to get the bartender’s attention and since you are sitting there, they say hello. You and your significant other find them attractive so you try to engage them in conversation. They are friendly and answer your questions but as soon as the bartender hands them their drinks, they turn and walk away. Now, this should be an easy one…
This couple is interested, you have a shot: True or False

(False, clearly, they are not interested.)

Let’s try another, shall we? A couple is seated next to you on a couch. They seem friendly and you strike up a conversation with them. The husband answers your questions but the wife is not paying any attention. She is busy watching people on the dance floor. While you are talking to him, the husband turns and asks his wife if she wants to dance. They pop up and leave for the dance floor. Hm, what do you think?

A. They will be back in a few minutes and we will have another chance to win them over?

B. We have no shot let’s go find another couple.

If you chose A, you should probably keep reading until the end!

How about this situation: a couple approaches you while you are at the bar and asks if anyone is sitting in the seats next to you. You say no and the couple sits down. They introduce themselves and tell you it’s their first time in this club. They are friendly and you are encouraged that maybe this can work. You talk with them for a while and they get up to go and dance. After a few songs, they return to their seats next to you. A couple sits down on the other side of them and they turn to engage in conversation with them. You and your significant other walk around to join the two couples in conversation. They continue talking while you stand there. You don’t want to be rude so you patiently wait for them to introduce you to this couple. After a few minutes, nobody attempts to bring you into the conversation. You decide to go back to your seats at the bar.

A. No problem, in a few minutes they will turn back and chat with us.

B. Not looking good, they were just being friendly.
Don’t wait too long for this couple, it seems they have found a couple they prefer.

You meet a couple standing along side the dance floor. You try to engage them in conversation and although the wife is friendly, the husband is looking around while you are talking to him. He answers your questions but doesn’t ask you any. A few times you even had to repeat yourself because he didn’t hear you. His wife grabs his hand while you are talking to her.

A.  She’s hot and she’s friendly. She will persuade him to be with us.

B. Finding couples is harder than we thought. Let’s move on.

It’s B! When she grabbed his hand, she was trying to tell you something… He showed a clear disinterest from the get go.
You decide to dance and are enjoying the time with your wife. You notice a couple watching you and smiling. When you leave the dance floor they approach you at the bar. They are friendly and she greets you with a kiss on the cheek. The man is attentive to your wife and his wife is attentive to you. She plays with her hair while laughing at your jokes.

A.  This is it! We might actually have a chance with this couple!

B. They are just being friendly, I’m not sure if they really have any interest.

I hope you chose A! This was a gimme, a no brainer.

Believe it or not, we see this all the time. Couples who hang around when there is no chance what so ever that the couple they are clinging to have any interest in them. Sometimes all it really requires, is to pay close attention to what their body language is saying. If someone is standing with their arms crossed and a forced smile on their face, that should tell you that they are not interested. If someone touches you or is engaged in what you say, that’s a good sign. If they turn towards you and have a genuine (not fake) smile, think positive! If the person you are talking to is not making eye contact, walk away. If someone likes you, they will make you feel comfortable and important. They will be present in the moment with you. They will ask you questions and listen carefully to what you have to say. If someone is busy looking around to see what else is available, that means they have no real desire to be with you.

Although we always stress how important communication is, in this type of situation, nobody will tell you that they are not interested, it is just too rude. They will, however, do whatever they can with their body language to let you know. Non verbal cues are all you are going to get to let you know when a coupe is or is not interested. All you have to do, is pay attention to what it is they are trying to say.

Swinging should be fun but figuring out who wants to swing with you can sometimes be confusing! The more experience you have in the lifestyle the easier it will become! Good luck!

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Do women drink more alcohol than men at lifestyle events?

Woman drinking alcohol wearing Partners ID jewelry
Woman drinking alcohol wearing Partners ID jewelry

 

 

Do women in the lifestyle drink more alcohol than men at events and clubs?

Since prohibition ended in 1933 and alcohol was finally legalized permanently in the US, it has become a mainstay with most adults in America. It has become somewhat of a rarity to meet an adult who does not drink alcohol.

Alcohol has always been somewhat of a right of passage for young adults. Forbidden to kids when they are young due to their age, suddenly when they cross into adulthood, many indulge in drinking. Often times, young adults try to impress each other with their new found ‘maturity’ and will binge drink with friends on weekends.

As we get older, drinking usually becomes more of a social activity. Many adults will also use alcohol to relax and alleviate stress. Alcohol is known to instill a sense of social confidence and is known for loosening our inhibitions. Naturally, alcohol has found its place in the lifestyle for these reasons.

The majority of people who enter a swing club or attend a lifestyle event for the first time are inclined to drink alcohol as a way of relieving the anxiety of a new situation. Alcohol can be a sort of “liquid courage”.

We can relate to why people will drink more than usual when they find themselves in a new situation, but what happens when couples become regulars in swing clubs or at lifestyle events? Do they still drink more than usual?

Often times, it becomes apparent that women drink more heavily than men in these situations. Why is that? It can be a number of reasons:

Men tend to drink less to avoid “whiskey dick”, (according to the urban dictionary: when you’ve had too much to drink and have a girl back home and can’t get it up to perform the deed)

2. Men are often the “designated drivers” so they must take this into consideration when drinking.

3. Women generally feel less inhibited when drinking alcohol and so they tend to want a buzz to feel more sure of themselves and less reserved.

4. Most women, when they are new to the lifestyle, require a little time to reprogram their way of thinking. Alcohol dulls their moral compass and allows them to act in a way that they might not feel able to, if they were sober.

The big difference between men and women in these situations is two fold:

Men must be able to achieve and maintain an erection if they are going to have sex, whereas women (obviously) do not. Alcohol makes this difficult, if not impossible, for many men.

Many (or perhaps most) women were reared to equate sex with love. She now must change the way she thinks in order to relax and enjoy swinging. Having sex with a man who you have either met briefly or who is a total stranger, can be difficult when you first start swinging. Add in the public sex and your partner with another woman and it is a recipe which screams for another drink. Many women have said that even after years in the lifestyle, none of this would be possible without a fair amount of alcohol.

Men, on the other hand, are very different. Most men say that although they like to have a drink or two for their own pleasure, they absolutely do not “need it” to enjoy swinging. They have no compunction with having sex in public nor with their wives playing with other men. Most, in fact, find it a turn on to watch their wife getting it on with another man.

Unlike women, most men are able to separate sex and love and have mastered this skill at a very early age. Alcohol is not needed to help them to deal with emotional issues while playing, many simply feel it makes them more relaxed and allows them to be more social.

For these reasons, it is not uncommon to discover many women who are either buzzed or very drunk at lifestyle events. When alcohol elicits a euphoric effect and allows a woman to relax and enjoy herself, then alcohol has had a positive effect. When a woman is incoherent, passed out or just plain belligerent, this is obviously a negative consequence of alcohol and can be a disaster.

While most people drink for enjoyment, too much alcohol can have the opposite effect. When people are having a good time and things are going well, the need to over drink is not usually as prevalent. When someone is feeling overwhelmed or emotional, over drinking can seem like a helpful way to cope with the stress. Obviously, this usually ends poorly as the person either becomes sick, angry or curled up on a couch.

Blaming alcohol seems like an easy excuse when things go wrong in the lifestyle. Perhaps couples should take a step back and examine the reason for the alcohol abuse in the first place. If both the man and the woman are tuned into each other and taking steps to ensure each other’s happiness and comfort while at any lifestyle event, the negative effects of alcohol should be able to be avoided. If one part of the couple is drinking too much, the other should try to assess the situation and see what might be causing this. Sometimes a little time and attention is all that is needed to put your partner at ease.

As with all other problematic situations couples face in the lifestyle, communication can help clear the air and goes a long way to fixing problems.

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A lifestyle story from a swinger that is sure to make you cringe!

Naked woman in the lifestyle wearing Partners ID jewelry
Naked woman in the lifestyle wearing Partners ID jewelry

 

 

Dear Partners ID,

I read the story about the couple from New York who walked in half naked to their own surprise party and it brought back memories of our own nightmare. I think this story is at least as cringe worthy.

My husband and I had been in the lifestyle for about 5 years. We spent at least two days a week at the swing club near our home (about 20 miles), and were very comfortable there. The club was not large but it did attract a good crowd most nights.

We were heavy into swinging and went into the playroom almost every night we were in the club. Spending this much time in this club, we knew most of the people who came to the club and some of us were very friendly.

It was Halloween and for this club, it was always a very busy night. It was rare to see someone come to this club and not wear a costume. Some people were so dressed up, we could not tell who they were.

This particular night, a couple that we were very close with was in the club. My husband took the woman to dance and I walked over to a couch with the woman’s husband. We immediately started to kiss and fondle each other and things got hot quickly. He bent me over the side of the couch, lifted my costume and started to lick my pussy from behind.  Soon I could feel an extra set of hands caressing my breasts. I figured it was either my husband or the man who was nearby when we sat down on the couch. Before I knew it, the man is rubbing my clit while the other guy is eating me out and I have a very intense orgasm. I turned to kiss the man to say thank you for joining in when I realized who he was. It was my sister’s husband! My brother in law! OMG!

Needless to say I was completely shocked and traumatized! Our costumes made it difficult to see our faces so neither of us realized until after the fact.

Today the four of us laugh about it and my husband and sister are always joking that it is their turn.

By the way, I love the necklace you custom made for me, it’s perfect!

Kisses!
Dina and Joe
Swingers from Atlanta, GA

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