Injections to help men combat erectile dysfunction; are they commonly used in the lifestyle?

Man using injections to get an erection
Sexy man in his underwear with Parnters ID necklace

At this point in time, everyone has heard of the medications to help men suffering from ED (erectile dysfunction).  The two most popular being Viagra and Cialis, although there are quite a few others out there.  We have all seen the ads on tv. There is the one with the couple in separate bathtubs (what is that about?) and the other with a  sexy woman with her come hither look to tout the drugs.

These drugs for erectile dysfunction have been on the market for many years now and it is probably safe to assume that the majority of men in the lifestyle (and perhaps out) have tried it at least one time.  It is probably also safe to assume that many men in the lifestyle have come to rely on these drugs when attending swing parties or lifestyle events. If you were to question the men about using these medications, they would tell you that they have no difficulty getting an erection, they just want to be sure there won’t be any problems.

It is really no secret that this is a huge issue for any man and for that, ladies, we must try to show compassion.  Let’s face it, we do not have the same pressures that men face when it comes to sex.    If we are not feeling it, we can still have sex.  Of course, we can also fake it;  both our desire and our orgasms, but when men have sex, they have to show up completely, every single time.

That can’t be easy.  Men also have reasons that they might not be in the mood, but once they commit to heading into the back room of a swing club or upstairs to a bedroom at a private party they better figure out how to achieve lift off!

You can hardly blame them for their desire to use ED medications.  Although they still have to become sexually aroused for the drug to work, it is much easier and the drug will take it from there.  That takes a lot of pressure off and men say they can enjoy the atmosphere more without the worry.  The nice part of these drugs is they work when you are ready for them and they still allow men to achieve orgasm.  Women can not really be sure if a man has taken it or not.

So what about this injectable drug?  What’s this about?  Men will actually stick a needle into their penis to get an erection?  Apparently some will.

This drug is called Caverject Impulse (which to me sounds like cadaver and dead bodies are hard…).  It is a serum which is injected directly into the penis.  It works by relaxing certain muscles in the penis and widening blood vessels, which increases blood flow to the penis and helps to cause an erection.   When used as directed by a physician, the erection should last about 30 minutes.

Hmm.  Seems that the men who are using it recreationally are using more than the recommended dose as their erections can last for 2-3 hours.

It is easy to spot men who are using injections.  The next time you visit the back room of a swing club notice the men who arrive in the back room with a raging hard on.  Usually they will be fondling themselves as this is necessary to get the drug working.  These are the men who are having lengthy conversations with people while their dicks are fully erect.  They walk to the bar for a drink and when they return, they are still erect!  It is pretty comical to watch, especially because they think nobody knows.

Here’s the interesting part.  Having researched this topic quite a bit, it seems women do not like this drug quite as much as men think they do.  Women prefer a natural hard on which is caused by her partner’s attraction to her and her touch.   She does not really have the desire to have sex for 2 or more hours, especially when she discovers you will not climax.  When you read what women have written on this subject it is hilarious.  Some talk about how after 30 minutes their minds wander to other things such as their grocery list, an upcoming doctor’s appointment, open school night, etc.  Others say that when they know their partner is planning to inject himself, she works doubly hard to make sure they find another couple to play with so it can be the other woman’s problem.

Perhaps men should consider how they would feel if the woman they were playing with did not climax.  Most men seem to get pleasure out of bringing their female partner to orgasm.  They think they would enjoy it if a woman was never ready to call it quits; that she would want to play for hours.  Are you sure? I’m not sure how many men are up to that task…

These medications were not designed for recreational use.  There are long term side effects from the injections that men would probably rather not know about.  As for drugs like Cialis and Viagra, these seem more acceptable to women as they allow men to function more normally.   They can be taken as little as 30-60 minutes before sex so for most men this is a good option.  Again, some men become psychologically dependent on these drugs to perform in swinger environments so if you can avoid getting started with them, it’s probably better.

The truth is, women know that men can have issues with performance and we know this is normal.  For men who are new to the lifestyle, having to perform while others are watching can be extremely intimidating.  It is not always easy for women to stay focused either, it’s just not as apparent.  Perhaps if men could approach this moment differently they would have less problems.  Instead of rushing into the back room and trying to get started immediately, men might benefit from relaxing and trying to focus on the woman they are with.  Block out the rest and concentrate on being with this one person.  And quite honestly, if it doesn’t happen it is ok too.  You can still enjoy each other and wait for next time…

 

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Sex is a lot like ice cream; we want variety and lots of it!

One of the great things about being a swinger is that you really never get tired of having sex. Let’s face it, when you have been married for 10, 15, 20 plus years, sex can become routine:  same time, same place, same positions, and let’s be honest, same person! It does not mean you do not love the person but hey, there are lots of other options out there! Let’s think of it this way: maybe you love ice cream. Do you eat the same flavor every single night of your life? Gosh, I hope not! How awful when there are so many delicious flavors and textures to choose from. One night you can eat sweet, tangy orange sherbert, the next how about a rich, luscious chocolate ice cream bar with a crunchy nougat shell? Mmmmm. Perhaps you prefer vanilla with a caramel topping and a cherry the following night. Catch my drift? Sex with different people can be compared to this. You don’t stop loving your favorite, you just like something different from time to time. What’s wrong with that?

Swinging is alot like this.  Your spouse is your favorite; that goes without saying.  The problem is, over time we can fall into a routine or even a rut.  We start to want something different for a change.  When sex is no longer spontaneous and exciting, most people lose interest.  When a couple is able to have an honest conversation about sex, this is a big plus.

Now for all of you vanilla people out there who frown upon people in the lifestyle, do you think just maybe, from time to time, you fantasize about what it would be like to sleep with someone else?  If you don’t, I am speechless. It’s impossible for me to believe that you don’t fantasize about a co worker, or someone famous or a family friend. It is normal and natural. Getting married or being in a committed relationship does not stop us from being sexual beings.   It provides us with a partner with whom you can  share your life.  Someone to raise a family with.  Someone to be by your side through thick and thin.   It also is someone with whom  you should have sex on a regular basis.  It does not mean that you will cease noticing attractive people or fantasizing what it would be like to have sex with them.

The lifestyle brings people together who do love their partner, but also love to have sex.  Most of these couples are looking for variety.  They are seeking out a way to spice up their sex lives together.  What sets them apart from other couples is that they take this step together.  Rather than one person, or both, sneaking out behind the others back, they discuss what is missing and try to find a solution as a couple.  The rewards for handling it this way are immense.

Couples in the lifestyle rediscover the thrill of the hunt.  The ability, as a couple, to go out and meet other couples together for sex.   Imagine discussing with your significant other which person appeals to you and to them.  We still get to maintain our relationship with our significant other while exploring our sexuality with others who are also open minded. What a great concept!   Imagine discussing the experience after the fact while wrapped in each others arms.  Giggling like children about the mishaps that occur from time to time.  It probably surprises vanilla people when they hear that swinging brings you closer to your partner.  The honesty is very liberating and creates a bond that is incredibly strong.

Swingers have truly discovered a way to have it all!   Each time swingers attend a party or club event, they know if they want to have sex, they can.    They also know if they want to try something or someone new, they can! How can you get tired of something new? You can’t…

Be sure to check out our new pieces of jewelry:  https://www.swingersjewelry.net/jewelry-for-swingers/

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Pegging; what is it and why is it supposed to be so pleasurable?  Is it a gateway to bisexual play?

 

 

It seems when you are in the lifestyle, you need to stay current with swinger’s vocabulary words.   Every time I think I have mastered it, I hear a new term that makes me run for my phone to look it up.  Today, the word of the day is “pegging”.  What is pegging?  It is when a woman penetrates a man’s ass, either with her finger, a dildo, vibrator or a strap on.   Most couples say that it begins with a woman using her finger and over time progresses to something more. 

Although the activity is not new, I was not aware that there was a word to describe it.   I can remember many years ago my husband mentioning that during play with another couple, the woman had inserted her finger into his ass.  He said that if anyone had seen his facial expression at that moment, he is certain, they would have laughed out loud.  He told me that it was almost a cartoonish expression with his eyes wide open and a look of complete shock on his face.  He was not expecting it and she was not subtle about her approach.  When I asked if he liked it, he said he was too shocked to say one way or the other.

One thing that people tend to want others to know, is that pegging is not in any way a “gay thing”.  Pegging takes place between a man and a woman so those who engage in this type of play want others to understand this.  Pegging does require a man to relinquish his role as the dominant partner and become the submissive partner.  For some men, they are simply not comfortable with this, for those who can do this, they swear by the benefit.

Pegging causes stimulation directly to the prostate gland.  The prostate gland is supposed to be so sensitive that simply stimulating this gland can bring men to orgasms that are much stronger than the traditional kind achieved by penile stimulation.   There is also a heavy supply of nerve endings in the anus which when touched, provide a tremendous amount of pleasure. 

Is this ever a gateway to bisexual play?  Although many men swear that it is not, many men say that it was for them.  Prior to pegging, they had no interest in other men but after experiencing the sensation that pegging created, they became curious and open.  While again, not all men follow this route, some do.  

What does the woman get out of this?  Many women have discovered strap ons that have vibrators built in which stimulate their clit during play.  This allows both the man and the woman to have simultaneous pleasure.  Other couples say that pegging was what opened them up to MFM play where the second male is behind the woman.  

There is no room in the lifestyle for judgment.  Everyone is there to live out their sexual fantasies.  If something feels good, people should be open to exploring.  Often, couples enter the lifestyle because their significant other is not open to certain types of play.  They are there looking for the experience with someone who is willing.   

Pegging is said to be very enjoyable but all men said the same thing:  this is not an activity to surprise someone with.  It is better to discuss this beforehand and to take things slow.

We already know that bisexuality amongst men is frowned upon in most swing clubs.  They have a policy that basically lets men know that they are free to do as they please behind closed doors in private rooms but there is no tolerance for public displays of male on male contact.  It seems that for many couples, this extends to pegging.  Even when it is from woman to man, this is generally done in private rooms.  Although I have personally witnessed women doing this, it’s not common to see.  

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Vanilla couples; are they secretly wishing to explore the lifestyle?

Vanilla couple trying on Partners ID jewelry
Vanilla couple trying on Partners ID jewelry
 What separates vanilla folks from those in the lifestyle?  (For those who do not know the term, someone who is vanilla, is someone who is not in the lifestyle.) Is it that they are having such mind blowing sex with their spouse or significant other that they never even think about being with someone else? That seems highly unlikely.  It seems impossible to believe that every adult does not at some time fantasize about having sex with someone else. It is normal and it is human.  It does not mean that they will act on it, it strictly means they have thought about what it would be like.
Sex is a big part of adult life and although some people like to disagree, all we need to do is to consider the billion dollar porn industry.  If nobody is that interested in sex, who on earth is watching all of that porn?  How many marriages fall apart because one person wants sex and the other has lost interest?  One person has a choice at that point:  cheat or leave.
One thing that I really appreciate about swingers is that they are honest about sex.  They like sex, they want sex and they think it is normal to talk about sex.  They have learned to make the difference between sex and love.   They have learned how to channel their desire for sex and their desire for excitement, while staying in their committed relationship.  It’s a win – win.
We talk about the fact that swing clubs are trending and based on the number of vanilla couples visiting swing clubs, they are trending for sure.  What about the couples who have not explored the lifestyle?  What makes some couples take the plunge and others not?
Having been in the lifestyle for over ten years, we are at the point where most of our weekends are spent either at private parties or swing clubs.  We did have an obligatory dinner this past weekend with some vanilla friends and it was very interesting.  I noticed that after a few drinks there was a lot of flirting between the couples.  At one point (we were at someone’s home) a song came on and two of the women got up and danced together.  They were not provocative, but the men ran for their phones and were cheering them on.  My husband and I just sat and watched.  Obviously for us, this is nothing new, except that there was no touching and they were wearing clothing.  It occurred to me throughout the night that our vanilla friends had some sexual tension between them, but they kept it in check.  There is no way that they are acting on it but I couldn’t help but wonder if they don’t think about it at night when they go their separate ways.  They know we are in the lifestyle but never ask us about it so we do not offer any information.
Is it possible for some couples to be satisfied with these type of interactions and never consider acting on them?  I realize it must be, as most people are not swingers and would never consider this lifestyle.  Are these the type of couples that go on to have affairs?  Do they spend their lives secretly wishing they could be with someone else?  Perhaps for them it is too risky.
Perhaps this is what lifestyle couples have in common; they are risk takers.  There are always going to be exceptions to every rule, but in this case, it seems very possible that this is a common trait amongst many swingers.  Think about the people you know in the lifestyle.  Most of them are a little bit more daring than others you know.  When I consider the jobs swingers have, although they obviously cover a huge spectrum, there are some similarities.  We have met many doctors, lawyers, stock brokers, ex cops, veterans, firefighters, paramedics, etc.  What do all of their jobs have in common?  They are risky; they can never predict the outcome of what they do.  They are not like accountants or engineers or architects where things are mapped out so there is never room for a questionable outcome.  Interestingly enough, we rarely encounter accountants, architects or engineers in the lifestyle.
If couples are afraid of risk, the lifestyle is the last place you will find them.  Everyone who swings realizes that when you enter the lifestyle you lose a little control over your relationship.  You have to have a tremendous amount of faith in both yourself and your partner to be able to partake.  Imagine the man who thinks he wants to play with other women only until he sees his wife enjoy having sex with another man.  He took a risk.  He came into the lifestyle and allowed his wife to play with someone else.  For some people, they have enough confidence to believe their wife (or husband) will enjoy the moment and want only to be back with them.  Others will not have that confidence, so the risk is too high.  It is the same for women; sure my husband seems satisfied with  me now, but he might meet a prettier, slimmer woman with a better body.  What if she’s better in bed than I am?  How will things ever be the same with my husband again?  When you think about it this way, swinging can seem like a risk many couples would rather not take.
It is easy to understand vanilla couples acting as though they are perfectly happy with their marriage just as it is, and wanting us to imagine that their sex lives are perfect.  If they were to open up and say they are curious, or have thought about having sex with someone else, they might get invited into the lifestyle and they are not ready for that risk.  It would seem impossible to believe that if vanilla couples were truly honest with themselves that they could say they have never thought about having sex with someone else.  I guess the difference between couples who take the lifestyle plunge and those who don’t, is that swingers are more open and honest with their partners.  It can be very risky to even ask your partner if they will try the lifestyle, but for those of us who did, the rewards have been huge.
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The down and the dirty; what turns people off when swinging?

Swinging woman in bed wearing Partners ID jewelry
Annoyed woman in bed wearing Partners ID jewelry

In a perfect world, swingers and swinging would be perfect.  We all know from experience, that nothing is perfect.  We all wish we could simply educate people as to what not to do in the lifestyle, but that would be rude.  So instead, simply send this blog out in a mass email and hope for the best!

So what are people doing that we find so annoying?  Let’s start with a list:

  1. Body odor (any kind, doesn’t matter where or why)
  2. Bad breath (probably could be included under number 1 but want to make sure people see this)
  3. Poor hygiene
  4. Talking during sex.  (We will explain later)
  5. Cheering from the stands (obviously only when you’re swinging in a club or group setting)
  6. Someone telling you what to do and how to do it
  7. When someone tries to do something unconventional without asking
  8. Having someone tell you how much you like what they are doing to you
  9. When someone asks: “Did you cum yet?”
  10. Telling couples that you are so shy and new but the reality is exactly the opposite.  
  11.   Attention seekers.
  12.   Snobs
  13.   People who impose their fantasies on other people.
  14.   Calling others over to join in while you are playing.

Let’s start with the body odor.  This is pretty self explanatory.  Nobody wants to play with someone who smells.  Not hair, underarms, genitals or any place else.  It’s just gross.  For everyone’s sake, please make sure to shower and wear clean clothing when you go out to swing.  Put on deodorant and heck, wear some cologne or perfume, it can’t hurt!  Body odor is a deal breaker for most couples in the lifestyle.  

Bad breath is a common problem but pretty easy to solve.  Take your pick:  breath mints, breath strips, chewing gum, mouth wash, or mouth spray.  We are not picky, just make sure to use it as often as you need it!  We are always confused when one person has very bad breath and their significant other doesn’t tell them.  We are alway trying to figure out if the significant other has become immune to the smell; why else wouldn’t they alert their partner?

It’s hard to believe that poor hygiene is actually a problem that some swingers encounter, but it is.  It would seem that when people are headed out to meet others for sex, good hygiene would be a priority.  Sadly, this is not always the case. I am sure that these people have a tough time finding others to play with.  

Talking during sex can be a real turn off for some people.  To be in the moment with your partner requires a certain amount of concentration.  No matter how funny that joke is, it can wait.  It’s a huge turn off when someone interrupts your kissing to tell you something.  If the building’s not on fire, whatever you have to say can wait. 

Cheering from the stands is high on many people’s list of things they hate.  We don’t need your comments or applause when we are playing.  If you enjoy watching, fine, do it, but please don’t give us your two cents.  Don’t cheer us on to cum or for him to keep going.  It’s a mood killer and it seems nobody wants to hear it.

While many of us can appreciate that some people have a very specific way of playing, giving too many instructions to your partner can be annoying.  Do this, push harder, go deeper, turn right, turn left etc. is not a huge turn on for most people.   If we need an instruction manual to play with you, we’d rather just not play with you at all.  

Not everyone is open to everything and this can sometimes be a problem  If you are thinking double penetration or anything anal related, it’s probably a good thing to ask your partner first.  The same goes for men touching men.  Better to be upfront about what you are hoping for then to surprise a couple when they are in a compromising position.  The same goes for playing bareback.  If you and your partner prefer to play without condoms, don’t assume that everyone shares your views.  This is something that should be discussed ahead of time.  If a man hands you a condom when you are playing with his wife, he expects you to put it on.  Don’t try to simply “slip it in” to see if you can get away without one.  Also, please don’t tell us your too big and no condom will fit.

We all know when we are enjoying ourselves and when something feels good to us.  Unless you are the type who lies there staring at the ceiling, you probably do something to let your partner know you are enjoying what they are doing.  The last thing anyone needs to hear from the person they are playing with is, “That feels so good for you, right?”  “You like that.”  Especially when it is said over and over.  That can be extremely irritating.

This is somewhat related to the above problem.  It’s natural to make some type of noise when you orgasm.  This usually allows your partner to know when it happens.  There have been men who have made me scream and not long after will turn to me and ask me if I came.  Seriously?  You didn’t know?  Are they asking just to hear you say yes?  I am never sure.  

This seems to be a growing trend:  meeting a couple and the woman tells you that they are very new to the lifestyle.  She says she has never played, she is very shy and unsure about the whole thing.  Maybe everyone can take it slow and she can just play touchy feely with the other woman.  No sooner is everyone naked and she’s grinding away with your partner.  To top things off, she tells the group her fantasy has always been double penetration.  WHOA!! What?!  You are left with your mouth open while she screws your guy and hers and you are left to watch.  What just happened?  Sometimes the man she is with is just as shocked and he is so busy watching her that he can’t even get an erection!  While we have no objection to anyone that wants to play, why not be honest from the get go?

Attention seekers are annoying to everyone.  They are the loudest and most annoying people in the lifestyle.  When everyone else is lying down, they are standing on the mattress, when people are sitting down, they are dancing.  You know who they are and nobody wants to be with them.  They are always screaming with pleasure and most people would like to put a pillow over their mouth.

Snobs are always low on the totem pole.  Nobody likes to associate with someone who is too good for them.  They walk around acting like everyone is lucky to be in their presence.  They are generally not very successful with swingers.

Everyone has a fantasy but that does not mean we all share the same ones.  If your fantasy is something that others might not be ok with, better to play them out at home.  Golden showers and other bodily oddities don’t fly with everyone.  Nobody likes to find themselves with a partner who is asking something outrageous of them.  If your fantasy is something out of the ordinary it might be a good idea to ask people before hand.  Their facial expression should be a good indication as to whether they are ok with this.

When you are playing with another person or couple, they can sometimes get caught up in the moment and decide to share their good time with others who are around.  That might be fine but it is always best to ask the people you are playing with before you do this.  Randomly inviting others to join in is not always appreciated.  Many people like to know the people they play with or have certain standards by which they choose others to play with.  When a couple simply waves another couple (or single man) over to join in, this can make people unhappy and uncomfortable.  

Swinging can be a lot of fun but sometimes people do things to ruin the experience.  These are just some of the problems people encounter that can be a real turn off.  If you swing and have discovered that you rarely get a second chance to play with the same couples, you might want to take a look at some of the reasons people might try to avoid playing with you.   Most of the pet peeves that irritate people are easy to fix.  

 

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The pitfalls of relying on social media to meet other swingers.

Couple text messaging wearing Partners ID jewelry
Couple text messaging wearing Partners ID jewelry

Social media has become a way of life for most people. We have email, instant messaging and text at our finger tips. When we wanted to communicate in the past, we picked up a phone and called someone. Now it has become much easier and more popular to just shoot a message to someone. With this surge in use of nonverbal communication has come some problems. When we speak in person with someone, they can hear our intonations as we speak. They can hear our excitement, our anger, if we pause they can rethink what they said and try to explain on the spot, etc. When we read a message, at times, we can misinterpret what they writer is trying to convey to us.

How does this affect swingers looking for other swingers?

Simply put, when a couple is attempting to communicate with another couple and they rely on a messaging platform, things they write can be misconstrued. It becomes especially touchy when these couples have never met. Sometimes a person has a sense of humor that will come across in their messages. If you don’t know that this person is sarcastic, for example, you might misinterpret them as being arrogant. A person who is shy might come across as being disinterested. Perhaps one couple is very busy and so there can be a long delay between messages. If english is the person’s second language, their writing might be seen as a lack of intelligence or education. In any case, the couples might decide against meeting each other for reasons that are not valid.

The other problem that is rampant is many couples disregard for the truth. The number one complaint seems to be the outdated photos that many couples choose to post. Regardless of how attractive and fit you were ten years ago, that no longer represents what you look like today. If you are afraid that people will not be attracted by your current photos, this is not a reason to post old ones. After all, you will eventually meet in person and the first thing they will notice, is that you do not look like your pictures. Many people say that they do this because although people might not like their pictures, they are sure they can win them over if they meet in person. The truth is, it does not work like this. We have heard many couples talk about how when they spotted the couple they had arranged to meet and realized they did not look like their photos, they turned around and left.

The other problems with swinger profiles is lying about age and not being truthful about what you are looking for. If you do not have experience or are not totally comfortable with swapping, be honest. At some point, all of your lies will become apparent to the couples that you meet and then it is awkward for everyone. Don’t shave 10 years off of your age and then be surprised when the couple who agrees to meet you is not interested. Don’t expect another couple to “take it slow” if you have written that you are full swap and have tons of experience. Honesty goes a long way in making encounters successful and enjoyable. You will find couples to match with if you let them know who you really are.

Facetime and Skype have given us the ability to chat live and perhaps this is the best way to be sure that the couple in the pictures look the same in person. This also allows you to speak in “real time” and avoid the problems that messaging can cause. Let’s not forget that in some areas, people have to travel quite a distance to meet each other. Areas that do not have a swing club or any type of meet and greet tend to be remote. This causes them to be dependent upon messaging.

When messaging with other couples just remember how many times your chats with family and friends have been misunderstood. Not because of what you wrote necessarily, but rather the way the reader interpreted what you meant to say or how you meant to say it. Give people the benefit of the doubt and always try to connect either by video chat or on the phone. This allows you the comfort of hearing what someone is saying and how they are saying it.

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Vanilla friends vs. lifestyle friends; who is more fun?

Woman wearing Partners ID bracelet bored by vanilla conversation
Bored woman wearing Partners ID bracelet

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I love our vanilla friends, really, I do, but a night with them can be very long!

Vanilla friends are great.  We have had some vanilla friends for many years and although they might suspect we are in the lifestyle (or something, they’re not sure exactly what we are up to), we have never spoken about it with them.

We try to go out from time to time with our vanilla friends as we hold them dear and do not want to lose their friendship.  However, as much as I like them, spending too much time with them can be a drag.  The conversations can sometimes seem so pointless and boring that I stop paying attention and my mind wanders.  I find myself wondering if they still have sex, if they still enjoy it, if she dresses up for him, etc.  

Finally, at one point during the evening, one of the men tells a joke.  The joke is:  ‘How does a man know if he needs to take Viagra?’  The answer: ‘Just put him in a room with a hot, naked, younger woman and he will know right away.’

As soon as he finished telling the joke, he apologized and explained that it is really just meant for men to hear.  (You can imagine my expression.)  I told him that I disagreed with both the joke and the notion that women shouldn’t hear it.  My husband was cringing and poking my leg, trying to subtly remind me that we were with vanilla folk.  I explained that the joke could be used for women as well.  Put a young, hot naked guy in a room with a middle aged woman and see if she gets turned on.  The first comment from vanilla man:  Women don’t have to get an erection to have sex so it doesn’t make sense.  I pointed out that women have to get wet and he quickly told me that this is what lube is for.  I started to explain that it might surprise him that women can get wet when turned on but realized better to avoid this conversation altogether.  

The other part of this joke that I disagreed with was the notion that you put a married, middle aged man (who may or may not need Viagra) with a young, naked woman and he will instantly get an erection.  As most of us have seen in the lifestyle, it rarely works like that.  Nothing seems to kill an erection like a situation such as this.  When men feel the pressure to perform, this is when he most likely will need that Viagra.  Most men who are new to swinging will tell you they never missed an erection until they found themselves in this situation.  I did not share this information with the group.

That was the only time anything interesting was spoken about.  I am not a complete pervert and do not need to talk about sex to find a conversation interesting, but here are a few of the other topics we touched on that evening:  What time we go to bed and wake up, the moon, our children, fabrics for sofas, driving too fast, cars, how iguanas are now visible around our neighborhood, etc.  There were times when I thought the conversation might become more titillating, but it never took that direction.

Some of these couples spend several nights each week together and I wondered what on earth they talk about.   I wanted to try to provoke them by bringing up a spicier topic but was afraid it was the alcohol and chose to keep quiet.   I do remember one time in the past asking them if their children ever spoke with them about sex.  It was like a tennis match where everyone’s head turned in unison to look at me.  Not really, they all agreed.  They didn’t even ask if mine do…

Although I do like my vanilla friends, they are nice people and I enjoy seeing them from time to time, I much prefer my lifestyle friends.  Our conversations are never dull and I never feel like I have to filter what I want to say.  We talk about everything and anything.  We share hilarious stories about the lifestyle and swinging, we compare notes about toys, we try on each others slut wear and shoes and we share our husbands.  We went to a restaurant with lifestyle friends recently and we switched husbands for the evening.  I was her husband’s date and my friend was my husband’s date.  It was silly but fun.  

We have conversations about double penetration, gang bangs, girl on girl sex, mishaps with condoms, bi sexual men, the nude beach, etc.  There is nothing boring about these topics.  Sure, we talk about our kids and business, but it is not limited to topics such as those.

This is one of many perks of being apart of the lifestyle.  There are no taboo topics, nobody is embarrassed by sexual conversations and gatherings are never boring.  I can remember not long ago, a friend of ours was telling a story about a party he went to and thought he got his dick stuck in a girls ass.  I can’t remember the last time I laughed so hard.

Life is too short to be uptight.  Let your hair down and do what makes you happy.  It’s ok to be silly and sexy, after all, you’re not hurting anyone.  I am not saying that my vanilla friends aren’t happy, they seem to be, but I truly believe that the freedom lifestyle couples discover, leads to increased happiness.  Try it!

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A customer has an epiphany about wearing lifestyle jewelry.

 

Couple wearing Partners ID lifestyle jewelry
Couple wearing Partners ID lifestyle jewelr

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

We get a lot of email from our customers and are happy to report that so far it has all been very positive.  We recently received an email from a man I will call “Rob.”  He said he had made an important discovery regarding our lifestyle jewelry and thought we should share it with our readers.  Although he had heard about our lifestyle jewelry he said he was hesitant to purchase it because he had never seen it before.  We asked him where he lived.  When he told us we assured him that we had many orders from the city he lives in and that clearly, someone was wearing the jewelry.  The only reason we were so acutely aware of this particular customer is because he continued to email us regarding the jewelry.

Finally, he relented and purchased a necklace for himself and a bracelet for his wife.  A few weeks after he received the jewelry we heard from him again.

Dear Partners ID,

Surely you remember me as I have sent you at least a half dozen emails regarding your jewelry and my hesitation to purchase it.  I asked you if the jewelry was so popular with swingers, why hadn’t I seen it before.  I will now tell you the answer to this question:  Prior to owning a piece of the jewelry, I never really paid any attention to the jewelry that others were wearing.  My wife would comment on the size of a friend’s new engagement ring to which I would inevitably respond, “I didn’t notice.”  She once mentioned a gorgeous strand of pearls my mom was wearing to which again I responded, “I didn’t notice.”  It occurred to me that before I owned a piece of this jewelry, I never noticed what others were wearing because I did not really care.  All of the sudden, I put this necklace on and I am looking at everyone’s jewelry when I go out.  I realize that if I had seen it a dozen times in the past I would never have thought anything of it because I did not know that it had a meaning.  Brilliant!  What a concept!  Nobody will notice my necklace either as they do not know it has a special significance (unless, of course, they are swingers themselves)!  Thank you, Partners ID for bringing to life what the lifestyle world has been lacking for too long!  A way to identify others without exposing oneself!  I will surely keep my eyes open and will certainly be back in touch when we find what we are looking for!  Mums the word!

Adrian T.

San Jose, CA

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Infidelity and the lifestyle; how swinging helps couples avoid cheating on each other.

Happy couple clinking wine glasses
Happy couple clinking wine glasses

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

People who are not in the lifestyle, equate swinging with infidelity.  Obviously, for people who swing, this is absolutely untrue.   According to dictionary.com. infidelity means:

1.  marital disloyalty
2.  unfaithfulness
     Considering those two meanings, swingers are not being disloyal or unfaithful to their spouses.  Perhaps we should think of swingers as writng their own rules in their own marriages.  They have decided together, as a couple, to open their marriage to something more. Whether or not religious figures would agree that this is not adultery or infidelity is another topic altogether.

It is not uncommon to hear people who are not in the lifestyle to question why couples swing.  Besides that they imagine swingers to be perverted deviants, their perception of swingers is really off.  They have a hard time understanding why people would be open to having sex with someone other than their spouse.  More than that, they cannot fathom why swingers do not get upset with the fact that their significant others are doing this.

Let’s consider this:  if a department store invited you to visit anytime, and take what you needed for free, would you ever feel the need to steal something from them?   Silly question right?  How can you steal something if they are giving it to you for free?   Let’s say you are in school and need help on an exam and the teacher tells you anytime you don’t know an answer to just ask her and she will tell you. Would you need to copy off someone’s paper?  What would be the point?  The teacher has already offered the free help, right?  It is the same in the lifestyle.  Your partner offers to let you swing with other people, why would you need to do this behind their back?  That is not to say that it never happens because it probably does, but what it is the point?

It is very common when you speak with swingers to hear how surprised they were when they first entered the lifestyle to discover how in love swingers seemed to be.  It was exactly the opposite of what they had imagined.  If couples were so in love, what drove them into the lifestyle?  The best answer is probably honesty.

The relationship between a couple who chooses to swing has to be very open and honest.   In order to swing, they had to get to the point where they could admit that although they love each other, they would like to try something else.  It is normal for  couples to fall into a routine or rut with their sex life.  Some couples try to spice things up by watching porn, using toys, trying different positions or even going to strip clubs.  What happens when that is not enough?

For couples not in the lifestyle, unfortunately, they might look to someone else to fill that void.  Infidelity is exceptionally selfish.  One person in the couple chooses to find excitement that is lost with their partner while the other partner makes do with  the lack of fulfillment.  Sometimes both parts of the couple choose to be unfaithful to each other while maintaining  the facade of a wonderful marriage.  How long can that last?

When you consider the avenue swingers take, it seems more logical and loving.  Swinging is something couples do together.  They venture into the lifestyle as a couple not to find someone to replace their partner, but to find couples to spice up their sex life.  The excitement is something they experience together.  The only sneaking around these couples might be engaging in, is from their family and friends. Swinging creates a very strong bond;  you are naughty together.

When you consider the freedom that swinging brings to both members of the couple, who would feel the need to cheat?  Sure, there are always exceptions, but that shows a true character fault.  Generally speaking, swingers would agree that they have no reason to cheat.  Swinging helps them to avoid infedelity.

Many couples who have been in the lifestyle for many years reach different levels of comfort with separating while swinging.  Some couples have no problem allowing their significant other to play on their own while traveling or with friends they have met in the lifestyle.  They talk about how much pleasure they get just from hearing about the escapades of their partners.   The only request they make of each other is to tell them about what they do when they play on their own.  Some couples never separate and continue their swinging journey side by side.  Either way, the degree of trust and freedom is immeasurable compared with those not in the lifestyle.

Everyone is different and perhaps there are couples who never feel the desire to play outside their marriage.  It seems that number would be very low when you consider how rampant infidelity is.

My question to those not in the lifestyle is this:  why not try to explore together what both of you are secretly wishing for?  It is impossible to believe that every married adult at some point has not fantasized about having sex with someone else.  A neighbor, a  teacher, a coworker, someone famous or your spouse’s best friend.   The best part about swinging is that these are no longer secrets or fantasies!  You and your partner not only talk about what your sexual fantasies are, you experience them together.  What could be more honest and intimate than that?  That is what creates such a strong bond between swingers.   When you have everything you need at home, why would you need to go elsewhere?

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Who are we to judge what is right for other people?

 

 

Why do people feel the need to judge each other?  Why are some people so sure that they are right and the way they choose to live is the only correct way?  Who appointed them both judge and jury in deciding what is right for other people?

Times have changed a lot over the past half century.  There used to be only two genders, a marriage was between a man and a woman, if you were born male, you stayed male (and vice versa), there was no public cross dressing or transgender,  most people who were gay were not comfortable exposing themselves, etc.

Here we are in 2018 and things are quite different.  We have come a long way in expressing ourselves and embracing differences between people.  Although many people have evolved and accepted our differences, there are still many people who fear what they cannot understand.  

A friend of mine is very happily married, but as I have discovered, is quite different from most people I know.  Although she and her husband are swingers, we do not play with them.  They prefer to have a more intimate relationship with the people they swing with.  They also do not call it swinging or playing, but refer to it as “making love”.  Right there, we were out.  

Recently this couple traveled to Europe on vacation and met a woman named Cici.  As my friend describes it, “There was this instant attraction between Cici and Mark (her husband).  I could feel the chemistry between them.  We were simply enjoying some afternoon coffee and Cici was in the coffee shop.  There were no available tables so we asked if we could join her.  We spent the next 2 hours sipping coffee listening to her describe the city and the places she insisted we visit.  We exchanged phone numbers and made plans to have dinner with her that evening at a restaurant near her home.”

My friend goes on to describe her joy at watching her husband fall in love with this woman while overseas.  I was imagining that what happened in Italy, stayed in Italy, but I was wrong.  Cici has been in regular touch with her husband and is planning to move here to be closer to Mark.  They have also spoken about having a baby together.  

To be honest, my first reaction was utter shock and disbelief.  What?!  Your husband has fallen in love with another woman, she is moving here to be closer to him and they are already talking about having a child together?  And, you are so happy for them.  What am I missing?  Where do you fit into this picture?  She assured me that this would be a perfect addition to their marriage and to their family.

This was when it occurred to me:  times have changed and so have people.  It might not be something that would work for me, but it works for them.  It’s really no different from my friends who are not swingers trying to understand how I can be happy for my husband when he enjoys having sex with another woman. One friend told me that no matter how hard she tries, she cannot understand how this is possible.  We are so programmed to believe that there is only one right way of doing things, that when someone is living a life that is at odds with what we have always thought was ‘right’,  we take notice, and often, pass judgement.

When men and women first started to be openly gay and lesbian, it was very hard for some to imagine how they could prefer their own sex as a life partner.  After all, we were raised to believe men and women were meant to share lives together, not two men or 2 women.  If we look at the gay community today, they have proven everyone wrong.  Although it is not right for everyone, clearly it works for them.  

The thought of people physically changing their gender would have been impossible to believe decades ago, yet it has become common enough that it is no longer newsworthy.  The state of Delaware has been considering allowing children as young as age 5 to choose their own race and gender without parental consent.  Although it does not seem to be a particularly popular decision, it might not be long before other states follow their lead. 

We discovered that the state of New York now recognizes 31 genders and gay marriage is now legal in all 50 states here in the US.  

Looking at all of the changes we have seen, you would think people have discovered that just because it is not right for them, it does not give them the right to judge others.  However, it seems this is still not the case.  Many people are still admonishing those who choose to forge their own path and follow their own ideals. Some folks are still not ready to accept the LGBT community, swingers, polygamists or any other group or lifestyle that does not conform to their own beliefs.  Even those who are living alternative lifestyles can be quick to judge people who are different from themselves.  

What do we gain by deciding what is right for others?  When will people be free to live a life that is right for them without fear of admonishment by others?

Hopefully with all of the changes we have seen in the past fifty years, people will continue to evolve both spiritually and mentally.  We are on the right path but we still have a long way to go.  

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