Why your attitude and demeanor are crucial to your success in a swing club.

 

couple in swing club wearing Partners ID lifestyle jewelry

 

By now, for those who read my blogs, you know my husband and I spend a good amount of time in swing clubs.  This weekend was no different and we proudly made it out all 3 nights!  

It is in the swing club that I often find topics of interest.  This weekend we were talking about people’s demeanors and how this can affect their success in the lifestyle.  We observed an attractive woman talking with her husband at the bar.  She was smiling and seemed approachable but her husband looked angry and annoyed.  

Soon after first noticing them, they were passing by to walk to the dance floor and she stopped and said hello to us.  Her husband, still with a sour look on his face, stopped beside her.  We introduced ourselves and waited for them to do the same.  She kissed us hello and told us both of their names.  He simply nodded his head.  When we spoke to him he was cordial but never once smiled.   As they walked away we tried to imagine what kind of success they would have in a swing club.  

This man looked so unapproachable, it is hard to imagine that anyone would choose to engage in conversation with them.  We spotted them from time to time and his demeanor never changed.  Even on the dance floor, he looked miserable.  It is possible that he did not want to come to a swing club and was doing it for his wife.  If this was the case, I would understand.  Clearly, however, this man did not have to worry about other couples wanting to get close to them.

Oddly, when the couple was passing us to go back to their seats at the bar, she stopped to speak with my husband.  I smiled at her husband and he simply pretended to be interested in whatever was on the tv screen.  I laughed to myself because this woman was truly wasting her time.  At this point, even if this man suddenly wanted to play with me, I had zero interest.  

Swingers, in general, are warm and friendly people.  While there are exceptions to every rule, most people that we meet in swing clubs, are there to meet others.  For this reason, if someone conveys negativity, their chances of hooking up with others is very low.

I couldn’t help but wonder if she realized how he came across to other people.  Our assumption was that she brought him to the club and clearly, he did not appreciate being there.   We lost track of them but I imagine their night ended early.

This is not the first person in a swing club that I have observed with a chip on their shoulder. It continues to confuse me as to why people waste their time and money doing something they are clearly not interested in doing.  To please their partner?  Maybe, but obviously this generally backfires.  

Swinging is something that couples must approach together.  If a couple is not on the same page, this is the result.  Coming into a lifestyle situation with a closed mind is not going to yield a positive outcome, regardless of how much one person wants it to work.  

I considered that maybe this is simply the man’s disposition.  It is possible, however,  that he is one of those people whose resting facial expression leads people astray.  His wife did mention he is foreign, perhaps his country of origin does not expect people to smile and be up all the time.  Maybe he had a bad day at work or some other personal problem.  

Any of these things are possible and it was for that reason that when they stopped to talk, we made an effort to be warm to them both.  Not because we wanted to play with them, but simply to be nice and put him at ease.  This is where he fell short.  He had an opportunity to be friendly and he chose to be cold.

Much like when someone has bad breath and we wonder why their significant other doesn’t tell them, we questioned if she said something to him.  If the problem is that he is shy, his wife needs to help him engage when the opportunity presents itself.  If he is simply unfriendly, maybe they need to rethink the whole swing club idea.

Whatever the case, the bottom line is that a positive attitude and demeanor are important if you want to have success in a swing club.  There are too many friendly faces for people to waste their time trying to warm up someone who is just plain cold.

 

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Does one’s alter ego play a role in the lifestyle?

Librarian alter ego sexy woman

 

 

Perhaps swinging allows us to develop an alter ego…

After listening to the ever-entertaining podcast “Our Naughty Escapades” where Bob and Nicky introduce themselves by their real names, it made me think. While I have been listening to “Ben and Jen” for all this time, I wonder if these fake names allowed them to explore a riskier side of themselves.  Often times in swing clubs or lifestyle events people will wear wigs or other disguises hoping to avoid recognition.

So what is an alter ego exactly?  According to Dictionary.com https://www.dictionary.com/browse/alter-ego alter ego is defined like this:

1.  a second self; a perfect substitute or deputy
2.  an inseparable friend.
3.  another aspect of one’s self.

Entering the lifestyle can be daunting for most people.  It is a common fear for newbies that someone will recognize them.   The plan for most couples is the same: we will look around and if we spot people we know, we will leave.

But wait! If they are there too, why would they judge you for being there? They won’t, but that will not always help to ease the nervousness of couples who are coming in for the first time.

For this reason, some people like to try to change something about themselves so that others will not recognize them. Some women wear wigs, some people wear glasses and some simply change their name or profession.

While many people initially do this to avoid detection, they often discover that it is easier to act in a way they would not if they were not in disguise. Simply changing your name (which is so common) seems to allow people to feel free to explore.

Do these small, seemingly insignificant changes allow our alter egos to shine? Like Nicky said after revealing her real name, she misses naughty “Jen.” That’s because as “Jen,” she felt free to behave in a way that she does not yet feel comfortable acting as Nicky.

Alter egos are liberating! If we believe others cannot really see us as we truly are, perhaps we feel more confident.  It allows us to expose parts of ourselves that we might otherwise feel inclined to suppress or hide.

I can remember going out to a swing club for Halloween. We live close to the club, so we spend a fair amount of time there. This Halloween night, when both the girls at the front desk and the bartenders did not recognize me, something inside clicked. I walked around and realized that with a red wig on, I had become totally unrecognizable to people. It was so liberating to be able to act in a way that I otherwise would have felt too shy to do. I felt bolder and more open than I ever had before.

It was apparent that some people who tended to be shy, seemed to have found confidence by wearing a costume. It seemed to summon something inside them that did not usually come out.

The dance floor on Halloween was exceptionally crowded. People who are not usually on the dance floor were suddenly letting loose. The power of their costumes was startling.

For some people, simply entering the lifestyle creates an alter ego. By day, someone might be a teacher, a doctor or an accountant. By night, that same person lets loose and has sex with a group of total strangers. A religious individual who wears modest clothing during the day suddenly reinvents herself at night and wears mini skirts, skimpy tops and thigh high boots.

Alter egos are a healthy way to explore another side of oneself. It allows a person the freedom to behave in a way that would be impossible under normal circumstances. Imagine the slutty religious woman wearing her club clothing in her own community. Would never happen, and if it did, she would surely be shunned.

Do we all have a secret alter ego busting to be let out? A superhero begging to be unleashed? A slut living deep inside ourselves wishing to get out to explore her sexuality?

Whatever the answer is, the lifestyle is a wonderful place to probe this side of oneself. It is almost fantasy like to be able to be free to act in a way that your day to day self does not feel free to do. Try it!

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