We get a lot of email from our customers and are happy to report that so far it has all been very positive. We recently received an email from a man I will call “Rob.” He said he had made an important discovery regarding our lifestyle jewelry and thought we should share it with our readers. Although he had heard about our lifestyle jewelry he said he was hesitant to purchase it because he had never seen it before. We asked him where he lived. When he told us we assured him that we had many orders from the city he lives in and that clearly, someone was wearing the jewelry. The only reason we were so acutely aware of this particular customer is because he continued to email us regarding the jewelry.
Finally, he relented and purchased a necklace for himself and a bracelet for his wife. A few weeks after he received the jewelry we heard from him again.
Dear Partners ID,
Surely you remember me as I have sent you at least a half dozen emails regarding your jewelry and my hesitation to purchase it. I asked you if the jewelry was so popular with swingers, why hadn’t I seen it before. I will now tell you the answer to this question: Prior to owning a piece of the jewelry, I never really paid any attention to the jewelry that others were wearing. My wife would comment on the size of a friend’s new engagement ring to which I would inevitably respond, “I didn’t notice.” She once mentioned a gorgeous strand of pearls my mom was wearing to which again I responded, “I didn’t notice.” It occurred to me that before I owned a piece of this jewelry, I never noticed what others were wearing because I did not really care. All of the sudden, I put this necklace on and I am looking at everyone’s jewelry when I go out. I realize that if I had seen it a dozen times in the past I would never have thought anything of it because I did not know that it had a meaning. Brilliant! What a concept! Nobody will notice my necklace either as they do not know it has a special significance (unless, of course, they are swingers themselves)! Thank you, Partners ID for bringing to life what the lifestyle world has been lacking for too long! A way to identify others without exposing oneself! I will surely keep my eyes open and will certainly be back in touch when we find what we are looking for! Mums the word!
San Jose, CA
People who are not in the lifestyle, equate swinging with infidelity. Obviously, for people who swing, this is absolutely untrue. According to dictionary.com. infidelity means:
It is not uncommon to hear people who are not in the lifestyle to question why couples swing. Besides that they imagine swingers to be perverted deviants, their perception of swingers is really off. They have a hard time understanding why people would be open to having sex with someone other than their spouse. More than that, they cannot fathom why swingers do not get upset with the fact that their significant others are doing this.
Let’s consider this: if a department store invited you to visit anytime, and take what you needed for free, would you ever feel the need to steal something from them? Silly question right? How can you steal something if they are giving it to you for free? Let’s say you are in school and need help on an exam and the teacher tells you anytime you don’t know an answer to just ask her and she will tell you. Would you need to copy off someone’s paper? What would be the point? The teacher has already offered the free help, right? It is the same in the lifestyle. Your partner offers to let you swing with other people, why would you need to do this behind their back? That is not to say that it never happens because it probably does, but what it is the point?
It is very common when you speak with swingers to hear how surprised they were when they first entered the lifestyle to discover how in love swingers seemed to be. It was exactly the opposite of what they had imagined. If couples were so in love, what drove them into the lifestyle? The best answer is probably honesty.
The relationship between a couple who chooses to swing has to be very open and honest. In order to swing, they had to get to the point where they could admit that although they love each other, they would like to try something else. It is normal for couples to fall into a routine or rut with their sex life. Some couples try to spice things up by watching porn, using toys, trying different positions or even going to strip clubs. What happens when that is not enough?
For couples not in the lifestyle, unfortunately, they might look to someone else to fill that void. Infidelity is exceptionally selfish. One person in the couple chooses to find excitement that is lost with their partner while the other partner makes do with the lack of fulfillment. Sometimes both parts of the couple choose to be unfaithful to each other while maintaining the facade of a wonderful marriage. How long can that last?
When you consider the avenue swingers take, it seems more logical and loving. Swinging is something couples do together. They venture into the lifestyle as a couple not to find someone to replace their partner, but to find couples to spice up their sex life. The excitement is something they experience together. The only sneaking around these couples might be engaging in, is from their family and friends. Swinging creates a very strong bond; you are naughty together.
When you consider the freedom that swinging brings to both members of the couple, who would feel the need to cheat? Sure, there are always exceptions, but that shows a true character fault. Generally speaking, swingers would agree that they have no reason to cheat. Swinging helps them to avoid infedelity.
Many couples who have been in the lifestyle for many years reach different levels of comfort with separating while swinging. Some couples have no problem allowing their significant other to play on their own while traveling or with friends they have met in the lifestyle. They talk about how much pleasure they get just from hearing about the escapades of their partners. The only request they make of each other is to tell them about what they do when they play on their own. Some couples never separate and continue their swinging journey side by side. Either way, the degree of trust and freedom is immeasurable compared with those not in the lifestyle.
Everyone is different and perhaps there are couples who never feel the desire to play outside their marriage. It seems that number would be very low when you consider how rampant infidelity is.
My question to those not in the lifestyle is this: why not try to explore together what both of you are secretly wishing for? It is impossible to believe that every married adult at some point has not fantasized about having sex with someone else. A neighbor, a teacher, a coworker, someone famous or your spouse’s best friend. The best part about swinging is that these are no longer secrets or fantasies! You and your partner not only talk about what your sexual fantasies are, you experience them together. What could be more honest and intimate than that? That is what creates such a strong bond between swingers. When you have everything you need at home, why would you need to go elsewhere?
Hi Partners ID. I love reading your blog but I especially like to read the emails you recieve from folks who have had success with the jewelry. Just like most things in life, I never thought it would happen to me but it did! Magical!
We have been swingers for about 5 years and mostly seek out parties at hotels near where we live. It can be a bit frustrating because we would like to have more of a swinger social life but we really don’t have a club close enough to drive just for an evening.
To try to satisfy our desire to immerse ourselves in swinging, we took a vacation in August to Hedonism. That’s where we discovered your jewelry. It worked like a charm in Jamaica because people could identify that we were swingers and so they approached us. To be honest, we weren’t really sure if we would have any success with the jewelry back at home.
I wear my necklace everyday for two reasons: first because I love the design and second, obviously, because I would like to meet other swingers.
We live in a wonderful community and have met many of our neighbors since moving in last year. We got a note in our mailbox a few weeks ago inviting us to their annual block party. We are a very social couple and looked forward to spending the afternoon with everyone while hoping to meet some new people.
We offered to help with the set up, and spent the evening before the party baking goodies to share with our neighbors. We arrived early and were greeted by a couple we had not yet met. They were quite a bit older than we are but were so warm and welcoming. They mentioned that their son and his wife would be attending the party and hoped we would get a chance to meet them.
We were impressed with the turnout for the party! There were well over 100 people out on the street enjoying the food, music, games and socializing. At one point my husband left me talking with another couple to run back and get us some drinks. He ran into the older couple that we had helped with the set up. They were with their son and his wife and were thrilled to be able to introduce them to my husband.
A short time later my husband returned and he was wilth another couple who seemed anxious to meet me. I politely excused myself and went over to meet them. With a big smile on his face my husband introduced me to this couple, who are about the same age we are. I went to shake the man’s hand and he pulled me in for a kiss. I was a little stunned until he whispered in my ear to look at his bracelet. Sure enough, there it was! He, too, was wearing your jewelry! OMG I was so excited to meet them! We spent the entire rest of the day with them and the next night as well! The best part is, since his parents are our neighbors, they come to town quite often.
Such a great concept! Thank you again for what you are doing for the lifestyle! Like I said, it’s magical!
~Lisa and Doug
Colorado (too small a town to name!)
Hey Partners ID!
I hope you can stand another letter from a customer! Hopefully this one will make you smile!
My parents got divorced when I was 9 and my mom’s boyfriend moved in shortly after. Her boyfriend’s wife had died so when he moved in, he brought along his 2 sons. It was an adjustment for me because I was used to being an only child. One of the boys was only 1 year older than me so we used to take the bus to school together.
One day “Rusty” had to stay after school so I took the bus home alone. An older boy on the bus was giving me a hard time after I tripped and fell into his lap, and I was terrified. When I finally arrived at my house he yelled out the window that now that he knew where I lived, he would stop by and beat me up.
The next morning when my mom came to wake me up I told her I was sick. She let me stay home but realized by mid morning that I was fine. I finally told her what had happened and she made me get dressed and she drove me to school. I was a nervous wreck all day, dreading the bus ride home.
At 3:00 I boarded the bus with my stomach in knots. Sure enough, the boy was sitting in the bus and as soon as he saw me started walking towards me. He started telling everyone on the bus how he was going to make me sorry I ever stepped foot onto the bus. As he got close I felt a hand on my shoulder and I turned around to see “Rusty”. Rusty told me to sit down and he walked right up to the boy. He asked the boy if he wanted him to beat the crap out of him now or later. From that moment on I became infatuated with Rusty. He was my hero and I loved him.
Fast forward 10 years and we got married. Yes, I married my step brother. So we grew up in a pretty rural area and after 10 year of marriage, Rusty got a job closer to the city so we moved. It was hard at first because we didn’t really know many people. We were invited to a birthday party for one of Rusty’s coworkers. It was at a bar close to where he works. I met him there after work and there were about 6 other couples at the party. We did shots and played darts well into the night. The birthday boy invited everyone to come back to his house and Rusty seemed anxious to go. Three other couples also wanted to go so we followed them in our car. The house was a bit small but it was on a large piece of land and out back was an old hot tub, which was just dropped in the middle of the property. Long story short, we found ourselves in the middle of a group of swingers. Within moments after arriving at a the house, they all stripped down and headed out to the hot tub. We were left standing inside with our mouthes open. Rusty and I were pretty buzzed and I could see he wanted to join them. I threw back another shot and agreed to strip down to my bra and panties. It was our first introduction to swinging…
Needless to say, we started to hang out with this group and over the years discovered swing clubs and have vacationed at Hedonism in Jamaica several times. We discovered the jewelry in Jamaica a few years ago and Rusty wears his necklace every day, never really takes it off.
Last week we went back home to celebrate my parent’s anniversary. After dinner Rusty and I went out to the local bar to shoot some pool. This is pretty much the only place to go within about 25 miles of where we live so anyone who lives in that area comes to this place for a night out. We were in the middle of a game when a couple approached us and asked if they could join in. I look up and was shocked to see the bully from the bus. He did not recognize me but I knew it was him. Rusty did not seem to realize who he was and invited them to play. He had gotten very tall and was actually a good looking man! We had a few more drinks and I told him who I was. He had no recollection of the incident and Rusty said it was a long time ago, we were kids. He turned to me and said quietly, “I think I deserve a spanking for what I did, you up for it?” I couldn’t believe how my body was betraying me as I felt that electric tingle between my legs. Long story short: they saw Rusty’s necklace and they are also in the lifestyle. We went home with them and had sex all night long. It was incredible!
I hope I didn’t ramble on too much, I’m told I do that!
Thanks for listening (and for the beautiful jewelry!)
Chrissy and Rusty
Dear Partners ID,
You recently published a blog discussing the possibility that the word “swinger” has become outdated. I really couldn’t agree more. I have been in the lifestyle for almost 20 years with 3 different partners and have never referred to myself as a swinger. I once asked a friend of mine (she is not in the lifestyle) what comes to mind when I say the word swinger. She said that she gets a mental image of a group of 60 year olds having an orgy and that it’s not a pretty picture.
Last year I purchased a few pieces of your jewelry. I kept one for myself, gave one to my significant other and gave the other 2 as host and hostess gifts at a party we attended. When we presented them with the gifts we were also wearing our pieces. They opened the boxes in front of the other guests and they were excited to see the jewelry. One of the guests was unfamiliar with the symbol and asked what it meant. I turned to him and said, “It means we play well with others.” Isn’t that really what it means? In any context that you put that in, people in the lifestyle truly do play well with others.
It would be wonderful to see people in the lifestyle strive to change the term to something more contemporary. Some people have discussed simply saying that you are in an open relationship or an open marriage, but for me, these terms also indicate something of a sexual nature. If you were to explain to someone that you are open-minded, there would be no negative image attached to it. It would not tell people anything about your sex life or your sexual orientation. It would simply let them know that you are approachable and nonjudgemental. Nothing wrong with that!
Have a good day and thanks for listening!
Women pride themselves on having the ability to communicate without having to say a word. They feel confident that they can both read body language and convey their feelings through it. The problem is that men are not always able to read these signals. Sometimes the situation can be reversed. It is important to pay attention to what your partner is trying to tell you when it is not possible to say something out loud. Some couples have code words while others have invented special signals to let their significant other know when they are ok or not with a situation. What happens when you are in a situation and one person is definitely not happy but the partner seems not to notice?
In a swing club last night there were two couples sitting next to each other by the dance floor. The women were perched on stools and the men were standing behind them. The men were engaged in conversation, laughing and having a good time but the women were clearly not clicking. One woman was attempting to make conversation with the other but she was totally ignoring her, never moving her eyes from the dance floor. You could see by their body language that they were not getting along. The men seemed oblivious to the fact that they were clearly wasting their time. At one point, one of the men left for the restroom and the other man immediately turned his attention to the other man’s wife, who was sitting in front of him. His partner seemed eager to get his attention but he was focusing on the other woman. Big mistake! When she realized he was completely blind to her feelings (which were obvious to me from across the room), she jumped off the stool and walked away without a word. The man was left standing there unsure of whether to remain talking to this other woman or to follow his girlfriend. Eventually the first man returned and he left to find his partner. I lost track of them but suspect the night did not end well for this couple.
How could this have played out differently? Perhaps if he had been paying attention to her body language he would have observed (as I did) that the women were not compatible. Without this dynamic, nothing can happen between the couples. Communication is always a priority if couples are going to be successful in the lifestyle but in this case, it was more about simply paying attention to his significant other.
Let’s face it, it is not logical to imagine that people are always going to like each other and click simply because their spouse wants it that way. Women, especially, can be a little more complicated when it comes to jelling with one another and this is something men must consider if their night is going to run smoothly! Imagine had the men tried to coerce those two women into a rendezvous in the backroom together! That would have been a nightmare before, during and after.
There are times when a couple might enter a lifestyle event but one of the couple isn’t really “feeling it.” They try to go along and have a good time but ultimately they are looking forward to simply playing with their own partner that night. Honestly, if your partner really knows you well, they will see it. The majority of the time, our body langauge speaks volumes without you having to explain it. If your partner is not tuned into you it can be a mess.
Swingers, perhaps more than any other type of couple, must be tuned in to their partners at all times if they want to have success when in a lifestyle environment. Couples are there to meet others, and for many couples it is with the intent to find another couple to swing with for that night. When you are engaged in a conversation with another couple, make sure you pay attention to the signals your partner might be trying to send you as it isn’t always possible to talk freely at this point. If he/she is actively engaged in conversation and smiling easily, chances are they are interested. If they are looking away or turning their body away from the group, chances are this means no, not a good fit. If your partner is grabbing onto your arm or pulling you towards them, you might want to consider that they are not interested.
The same goes for couples approaching you on a dance floor. Sometimes the man will turn his wife around to dance facing you. Are they expressing interest? Probably, but the choice is yours if you are open to getting closer to them. If they do not interest you, you can simply dance away from them. It is probably never a good idea to push your partner toward someone else without knowing that they have some interest.
What about when you are in the play area? A couple is next to you and starts to touch you while you are with your partner. How can you know if your partner would like to play with the other? These are times that verbal cues that the two of you have discussed ahead of time come in very handy! If you have not thought of this (perhaps you should), again, look at your partner. Do they appear interested in switching? If they continue to play with you and make no move to join the other couple, perhaps you should take that as a sign that they are not interested. The last thing you want is to put your partner in a situation that they do not want to be in. Body language in a situation like this is usally a very good indicator of interest or not. If your significant other pulls you close or they close off their body with their arms, it should let you know that they are not interested! If they turn towards this couple with outstretched arms, that is a good sign!
Swinging should be enjoyable and easy for both the man and woman of the couple. If your partner is not paying attention to you and what you are trying to convey to them, things probably will not end well for that night. One of the problems in the lifestyle is that when you are constantly surrounded by and approached by other couples, communicating freely can be a challenge. Women must remember that if they want their husband or boyfriend to know exactly how they are feeling, they must make it a point to convey this to them. If you already know that your man is not very good reading nonverbal cues, don’t expect him to know what you are trying to say if you don’t speak up.
The best course of action for any couple is to try to consider each situation and decide if it looks like your signifiacnt other is interested in the same thing as you. You might be attracted to the male part of a couple but either ask your man or observe him to see if he looks happy. Same thing for your wife. If she is clearly unhappy with a situation, walk away. If you are a couple, you should expect to put each other first. It is probably a good rule of thumb to always stop and think about how you would feel if the situation were reversed. What is good for one should be good for the other.
Why do swingers feel the need to keep their lifestyle a secret? I frequently hear people say that nobody knows that they are in the lifestyle. They would die if someone found out. Why is that? At first I wondered if these people were very religious, but they are not. I wondered if their children were at an age that it would create confusion and uncertainty, but they are not. Do they think they are doing something criminal or unethical? They do not. Hmm. Would exposure embarrass them? This question got a nod. Embarrassed, why?
Admitting that you are a swinger should be a lot less traumatic than admitting you are having an affair, no? After all, one is cheating and lying to someone you say you are in love with, the other is not. Swingers are out having a great time, enjoying parties and events that others can only dream of. Cheaters are sneaking around, worrying that at any moment they will be caught, which would certainly disrupt their lives and the lives of those around them.
I wonder how many swingers are truly living this lifestyle unbeknownst to their friends and family. Probably not nearly as many as believe they are. Often times I watch swingers arrive at a club clad in an over sized trench coat in the middle of the summer. When I ask these women if their family or neighbors don’t find this strange they say they don’t think so. Really? It’s 90 degrees outside and you leave your house or condo wearing a trench coat cinched at the waste with stiletto heels and nobody thinks that’s odd?
Many swingers have said that when they finally decided to reveal the truth about their lifestyle, their friends and family members were not surprised. Many said they had known about it for years but understood the swinger couple wanted to keep it to themselves. (If these were the trench coat women, it’s no wonder people knew.)
What about the family and friends who were told, who did not know anything or suspect anything about the lifestyle? Were they shocked and appalled? Not according to the people I have spoken with. Most said that more than anything, they were curious about swinging. They asked a lot of questions but did not seem to have a negative reaction. Many couples said that both friends and many family members (mostly siblings), eventually asked if they could tag along one night to see what it was all about.
Swingers would be surprised (or maybe not) to learn how connected the lifestyle is; even for people in some type of lifestyle related business. The industry is comprised of the most friendly, warm and helpful group of people. All of us have one goal, and that is to unite the lifestyle community. Most people I work with all say the same thing: I am more interested in connecting people in the lifestyle than in making money. Sure, it is a business, but it is also very personal. Who wouldn’t want to be associated with such a genuine group of people? Most of them have said that their families and friends know they are swingers and take it in stride. They felt no judgement when they told others about it and feel completely comfortable that people know.
Like any other group, in order to gain acceptance, we must learn to stand up for what we believe in. Swingers should not be ashamed of their lifestyle. Obviously it is not necessary to divulge what you do when you are at a swing club, or party or other event, any more than you would give blow by blow (pun intended) details to others about what you and your significant other do in your bedroom. No need to reveal that you participated in a gang bang with 15+ men last Saturday or tried double penetration for the first time and loved it. Many swingers don’t swap, and many people in the lifestyle are not swingers. Enjoying the warm atmosphere that accompanies the lifestyle is a wonderful thing and people should not have to hide from it.
There are many well known actors and singers who are open about their lifestyle choices and for some reason, people find this ‘normal’ and acceptable. Why? Why are they held to a different standard than the rest of us. Because they are famous? Even with their disclosure they are still sought after and some of them are highly influential people.
Revealing to others that you are open minded should not be a negative thing. After all, if you think about it, being a part of the lifestyle really doesn’t mean more than that. If your children or parents told you the same thing, would it concern you? Sure, at first it might come as a surprise but would you be upset or concerned? Probably not.
When we initially came up with the concept for the jewelry, we had just this vision in mind. Wear the jewelry with pride. First of all, others do not know what it means. Secondly, even if they did, what does it really say about you? That you are open minded, nothing more.
Let’s continue the movement to unite the lifestyle. There is a lot to be learned from people who choose to be apart of it. Honesty, respect and fun are the three hallmarks of the lifestyle. What could be better than that?
Dear Partners ID,
I’m not much of a letter writer but after reading some of the other letters people sent about how they met others because of your jewelry I figured I’d give it a shot.
I am a 38 year old single man and I used to swing with my long term girlfriend. We live pretty close to a swing club and we used to spend a lot of time there. After we broke up I was not comfortable going alone so I have pretty much been out of the lifestyle since our breakup last year.
I do have a profile on Kasidie but single guys have a hard time simply because of the sheer number of them. When I meet women and try to talk about the lifestyle, it doesn’t go over very well.
I took a vacation a few months ago to Desire (brought a girl I was seeing, very bad idea), and discovered your jewelry. I had actually heard about it but didn’t realize that I was the perfect candidate to wear it. I saw quite a few people wearing it and decided to buy a bracelet. I like it a lot and whenever I have worn it I get a lot of compliments on it.
I work in a very busy bar in downtown Houston. The bar is a hangout for locals and on the weekends packs a big crowd. Last Thursday night I was working and two couples were doing shots of whiskey when one of the women asked to see my bracelet. As I turned my wrist to give her a closer look she slipped a card in my hand. It was a personal card with their SDC screen name and your logo! I laughed and she told me they were having a house party the following weekend and wanted me to come.
It was that simple! I couldn’t believe how easy that was. After all this time of looking and trying to find a way to get back into the lifestyle! Needless to say I am going to this party and just wanted to thank you!