Swingers are often more happily married than other couples; here’s why.

Married swinger couple smiling
Married swinger couple smiling

 

One of the most important things in a marriage is trust. When you are in a committed relationship, you must be able to trust the other person. If you don’t, the marriage is doomed from the start. What is the biggest trust issue between married couples? What do they fear most that could destroy their marriage? Infidelity. If you are always suspicious that something is going on between your spouse and someone else, it is very hard to be happy.

Couples who are married do not spend 24 hours a day together. Most couples probably spend the majority of their days apart. Either one or both usually work and that takes them away for at least 8 hours each day. If you are always worrying that your spouse is either looking for someone else or is with someone else, that is a lot of time to be concerned with that. It probably escalates when your spouse is out of touch for a period of time and this probably results in accusatory comments or conversations.

Imagine if couples put that time and energy into something constructive. One of the benefits of swinging, is that there is no reason for couples to cheat on each other. The whole point of swinging is to have the ability to explore sex with other people without having to do it behind your partners back. I think most swingers would agree that they never worry that their partner is cheating on them. Why would they when they have a green light to sleep with other people on a regular basis? It would be like a grocery store telling you that everything in the store is free and the only catch is to let them see what you take before you leave. Would anyone feel the need to steal from them? I don’t see why they would when they have permission to take whatever they want.

Swingers are very connected couples for a variety of reasons. The lifestyle is all about having fun. Swing clubs try to promote a cohesive environment for their patrons. They offer discounts at the door if people dress in a certain costume each week, they offer different seating areas that promote meeting others and have parties regularly for different events and occasions. Lifestyle cruises and resorts have theme nights and parties to help guests to meet and interact with each other.

Swingers are always out looking for fun. They do things together as a couple and this keeps them happy. Marriage can be difficult and stressful and cause people to fall into a rut. Same routine day in and day out, bills, children, pressures at work can all create problems. One or both partners might be too tired to have sex or sex has become so routine and predictable that there is no longer any excitement for one or both members of the couple. If couples don’t put in the time and energy to find something exciting to do, eventually the marriage will be doomed.

This is where swingers have the advantage. They too, have pressures and stress at work and with bills and children. However, they make the time for themselves and each other. If they know they are going to a swing club or a party on the weekend, it gives them something to look forward to as a couple. Every experience is different but always exciting! It helps keep a balance in your life as the two of you look forward to fun adventures each weekend. It gives the two of you a naughty little secret that you can rehash during the week. Sex will never be dull and I believe most swingers would agree that they never think about having an affair. They have everything they need, why mess it up?

Swingers and strangers; the dangers of picking up a stranger for a night of fun.

Hotel doorway
Couple walking into a hotel

Swingers like to have a good time but sometimes in their quest for the next great adventure, they might forget to think about their own safety. This is an email we received from a woman who wanted to share her story about having sex with a total stranger.  (We struggled with whether or not to post this but decided it is a story worth reading).  Although some people might argue that swingers in swing clubs and at lifestyle events are strangers, they really are not. Every club requires a membership which means everyone must register with their driver’s license, among other things. Even private parties do not usually include complete strangers. Most form a guest list through swinger dating sites, which also have memberships.

No matter where or with whom you choose to swing, it is always important to use common sense. It is no different if you are single and dating, you must make sure to think about your safety at all times.

This is the email we received from a woman; we are glad to hear she is ok:

Rob and I were out of town and having drinks at a local bar. We met this really hot guy and decided I should flirt with him to see if maybe he would come back to our room and have sex with me while Rob watched. He was so big and muscular, exactly my type. I approached him and he was flirting back. I pointed to my husband and told him we are swingers and my husband would only want to watch. He seemed a little apprehensive at first but he soon agreed and followed us to the hotel.

We went upstairs and had a drink to help make him feel more comfortable. My husband sat in a chair across the room and gave us the sign to go ahead and forget he was there. The guy was really hot and things moved really fast. He tried to enter me without a condom but Rob was very vocal about that not happening and handed the guy a condom. He slipped it on and was really turned on. I glanced across the room to Rob, and he was sitting with his pants around his ankles.
I was having a great time when the guy flipped me over. I thought he was just going to do me from behind but he was trying for anal. I tried to stop him but he was becoming very aggressive. Before i knew it he was totally inside and it was very painful. I was telling him to stop and Rob got up from the chair to approach us. The guy turned around and told Rob to “sit the fuck down”. At this point I realized we were in a bad spot. It was like being raped while my husband was trying to talk him down. He was no physical match for this guy and we both knew it. Long story short, he finished, got dressed and left. To make matters worse, his condom was not on when he pulled out. First I thought it slipped off inside me but I saw it on the floor and it was not used.

I know there are many couples out there who like to pick up strangers for a night of wild sex but after this experience I realize how incredibly stupid it is. The truth is, I feel lucky that nothing worse happened. He could have robbed us or killed us, we were so vulnerable. I have been tested for STDs and thankfully I am clean.
From now on, we will stick with swinging at our local club where there is security to prevent this type of a situation. It is not safe to put yourself in a situation like this with a total stranger. I have nightmares almost every night, reliving this terrifying evening.

Sorry to bring such a terrible thing to swingers but I want people to realize that although picking up a stranger sounds like fun, it is not worth the possible consequences.

Thanks for listening!

J.R and R.R

Swingers are people you see everyday and most of them are the nicest you will ever meet.

multi ethnic hands in a circle
multi ethnic hands in a circle

 

People  always seem to feel threatened by what they do not understand.  For some reason swingers have always had a strange reputation.  When people hear the word swinger, it seems to elicit an image of couples from the 1970s.  Men wearing polyester shirts open to their navel and women wearing silk scarves wrapped around their heads.  Even Law and Order SVU aired an episode that was supposedly taking place in a swing club.  As soon as Oliva and Elliott (2 detectives) walked in, they showed people touching them and propositioning them.  Although it is humorous, it is completely ridiculous.  Any swinger will tell you that not only do people not act like that, they most certainly don’t look like they are from another era altogether!

Swingers are also always depicted as harsh and pushy.  Watching movies and tv shows would make you believe that swingers think about nothing more than their next conquest.  They plot and scheme while trying to lure their friends, neighbors and coworkers into the lifestyle.  The reality is quite the opposite.  Swingers generally prefer to stick with other known swingers.  Trying to “recruit” others to swing, is difficult and dangerous at best.

Swinging is not for people who are unkind.  Swingers make up a small community of tight knit folks who usually know many of the same people.  Swingers mix with people from all walks of life.  There is no concern with what your occupation is or how much money you make.  Politics are rarely spoken about, as this is a topic that will surely divide people.  Swingers are not looking for conflict.  People are in the lifestyle to have a good time.

Swingers are people you see everyday.  It might be your boss, your lawyer, your doctor, neighbor, coworker, cashier, gardener, painter, car mechanic, etc.  Swingers are regular everyday people who have decided with their spouse or significant other to explore a different lifestyle.  Are swingers different from everyone else?  Maybe they are, but the truth is, it could be for a positive reason.

Swingers are “open”.  Open in their relationships, open to trying new things, meeting new people, etc.. What I am actually referring to, is that from what I have observed, swingers do not discriminate. They do not seem to notice or care if couples are biracial, what their sexual orientation or gender identity is, etc.. If you were to study swingers in a club you would see that they seemly do not even notice. How wonderful is that? Could the rest of society not take something from this?

Swingers are special. It is not about sex, it is about the fact that as a population they are warm, inviting and inclusive; not like the real world at all. I have often marvelled at the whole concept of a swing club, especially the back room: Naked men and women walking around in towels (or not) randomly caressing someone as they walk by. Some people they know, some they don’t. Couples playing together and sometimes reaching out to others nearby to join them. You would think there would be too much testosterone and there would be many fights. Nope. In all the years I have been in a swing club, I have seen only one fight and it was not between members. It was a single guy who was non compliant and when asked to leave took a swing at the bouncer. Are you impressed at the level of respect between swingers? I am.

Perhaps instead of  judging what they do not know or understand, people should respect peoples’ rights to privacy and freedom and to behave in any way that works for them. Nobody is trying to recruit the rest of the world to join in. As for now, we are a very special group and we are happy this way.

What would you do if people discovered you are a swinger?

     What if people in your neighborhood, at your child’s school, at your place of worship or at work suspected you were a swinger?  They probably would not know for sure unless they have spotted you at a swinger club or lifestyle event.  In that case, they were there too so it would be ok.  But what if they see or hear something that puts you in a spot that makes denying it very difficult? Would you admit to it or try your hardest to contest what people are pretty sure they know about you?

We were out to dinner a few weeks ago with a couple we often hang out with who are in the lifestyle.  My partner and I stepped outside for a smoke.  When we came back inside, the table was still not ready so we went to the bar. I had looked for a mint when we walked back inside but did not see any.  I asked my partner if he had a piece of gum but he did not.  Our male friend, turned to me and said, “Here, take mine.”  I thought nothing of it.  I put my mouth up to his and he popped the gum into my mouth.  No big deal, right?   I mean I play with this guy all the time; we have done worse.   Wrong.  You know when you have that sense that someone is looking at you?  I turn my head and across the bar I see some vanilla friends and they are all staring at me with their mouths open.  All I could think of was that there is absolutely nothing I can say that would fix this.  I am usually pretty good at thinking quickly in tight spots but I have to tell you, I had nothing!  During dinner, the four of us spent at least 30 minutes after sitting down at our table trying to think of something I could say to make what they witnessed appear normal.  We could not come with anything!  We decided to avoid them at all costs while at the restaurant and hope they would forget about it.  They did stop by our table to say hello but nobody said anything.

I would like to be able tell you that I was able to think of something to say about this when I ran into one of the girls from the bar the following week while picking up my kids from school. Unfortunately I could not think of anything to say that would make that one moment appear normal. What could I possibly tell her that would make this all go away?  I decided to ignore it and hope she would not mention it.  No such luck.  Within the first two minutes of our conversation she questioned me about the couple we were with that evening.    I told her they are old friends of mine from high school.  She then mentioned what she saw.    I did what any good swinger would do; deny, deny, deny.  I laughed and told her she was crazy.  I even threw in an “Ew!  Why would I do that?  That’s just gross!”   The look on her face told me she did not believe a word I had said.

Many years ago, we spent a wild Saturday night in a swing club where we played with a couple and had a lot of fun.   The next day, I was a bit hung over, but as we all know, children really do not care how you are feeling when they want to do something.  As promised, I took my daughter to the mall to look for  a dress for an upcoming party.  We walked into a store and who is in there but the woman from the previous night that we had played with.  She was there with her daughter shopping as well.  She turned and spotted me as we walked into the store and smiled and said hello.  We talked for a moment and then we both turned our attention back to our girls.  I overheard her daughter ask her mother who I was and how she knew me.  I laughed to myself and thought:  I screwed the heck out of your dad last night, that’s how your mom knows me!  My daughter said nothing at the time but later mentioned in the car that she thought it was odd that I have friends that she has neither heard about or met.  I assured her that as parents it is normal for us to know people that she does not, but I could see from her expression that she felt something was not quite right.

We went with a lifestyle couple to a restaurant years ago that was off the beaten path figuring we would not see anyone we know.   It was very small and very hard to find but it was nice and cozy inside.  We sat at the bar while we waited for a table.  I sat next to the man from the other couple and my husband sat next to his wife.  We had a few drinks and laughed as a group,  all the while the man had his arm draped behind my back and was playing with my hair.  The hostess came over and let us know our table was ready.  We all stood up from the bar and  turned around.  At the table right behind where we were sitting was a girl who worked at the front desk where I get my hair done.  Sitting beside her was a friend who lives in my neighborhood and is the biggest gossip I know.  They pretended not to see me so I did the same.  Once again, I could not even think of anything I could say, so I said nothing.  I think it was that night that I decided that there was a very high probability that people in my town knew I was a swinger.

When I came to the realization that people in my community probably at least suspect that I am in the lifestyle, I thought about it long and hard.  I tried to imagine what they were thinking.  I imagined that they envisioned the same thing that I had prior to entering a swing club for myself.  Older men with polyester shirts open to their navel, touching girl’s asses as they walk by; middle aged women trying desperately to appear young and sexy with their fishnet dresses revealing pudgy bodies while teetering around in stiletto heels.  Where does she fit into this picture, I am sure they would be wondering.  No doubt they were picturing groups of people groping each other on dirty mattresses, again, trying to envision me in the midst of the sweaty insanity.  In my own mind, I know that this is a completely inaccurate description of any swing club I have ever been to.  Swing clubs have become beautiful, upscale clubs with very accomplished, successful and attractive couples; not at all what one would imagine if they have never been to one.  More importantly is that I decided that although I will never share my private life with the curiosity seekers who live near me, I am not ashamed to be a swinger.  This is the lifestyle we have chosen and we have never been happier.  When you discover the excitement, the fun, the friends that you find in the lifestyle there is no turning back.  I look at vanilla couples as people who are missing out on something truly wonderful.  It is not so much about the sex as much as it is about the lifestyle as a whole.  It is so liberating to lead such an open and honest life with your partner!  We are a team, we are partners in crime, we have secrets together, not from each other.  Maybe that is why swingers tend to stay in relationships longer; they have no reason to leave.

When it comes to the lifestyle, how much is too much?

Happy couple on a beach
Happy couple on a beach

When it comes to the lifestyle, how much is too much?

Most couples enter the lifestyle relatively slowly. They are curious about swinging and either try a swing club or a private party. Some try a swinger hotel and others use swinger dating sites to meet other couples. Regardless of how they approach the lifestyle, most couples enter slowly and cautiously. Many will try it once and then go for a period of time where they try to decide how they feel about it. More often than not, they do not know other couples in the lifestyle (or are not aware of those they might know) and so this is a solo venture for this couple. They are new and like any other social situation, it takes time to make friends. Many are also not certain that they are prepared to share their significant others. The fantasy was one thing, the reality can be quite another.

After getting comfortable in the lifestyle and with lifestyle friends, many couples tend to move away from their vanilla friends. It really is not intentional, but for most, it is inevitable. You start to want to spend more time at lifestyle events and less time going out to dinner or movies, like you did before.

Some couples discover over time, that the majority of their social lives revolve around the lifestyle. Some spend 3-4 nights a week in a swing club, some travel several times a month to attend lifestyle events. Others, use speed dating on dating sites to find couples for a tryst during the week. There are day time and evening parties on the weekends and many opportunities during the week for meet and greets. If couples want to spend 7 days a week enjoying lifestyle events, they are very easy to find. It does not matter which of these events couples choose, a majority of their free time is spent in a swinging venue of some sort.

Although this is fun and many couples find themselves spending their time like this, is this a good idea for a committed couple? Some would argue that at least a few nights each week are devoted to the couple alone. Perhaps this is true, but is it the same? Are you still getting dressed up and putting your best self forward for your significant other when it is just the two of you? Are you still having sex every night when you are alone?

It is very possible that humans are creatures of habit, and whatever we get used to doing, seems right. Before we discovered the lifestyle, dinner and a movie seemed perfect. It isn’t until couples discover the lifestyle that they discover how boring their lives were before. Maybe it is the same with swinging. We don’t realize that we are not connecting as much as a couple because we spend so much time in the lifestyle. Maybe it isn’t until we step outside that routine that we discover how much we enjoy our significant other. Perhaps spending time alone away from the lifestyle is critical for swingers.

Swingers should remember to always keep putting their significant other first. It is not always easy to do this when you spend too much time in the lifestyle. Spending time away gives you the chance to see your partner in a different light. To remember why the two of you are a couple, while nobody else is interfering. When you spend a lot of time with swingers, people are always flirting and checking each other out. Although there is nothing wrong with that, it is really nice when you get away and discover your partner is looking only at you.

Taking the time to reconnect with your significant other is critical to your relationship. To take time together with no pressure of other people really helps to solidify the relationship you already have. When you have the chance to get away for a few days alone, do it. Don’t use the time to seek out other swingers. Go alone as a couple and spend time with just the two of you. You might be surprised at how refreshed you will feel!

The lifestyle is a lot of fun but it is difficult when it encompasses a couple’s entire social life. We lose focus of our couple and that’s not a good thing.  It is probably a good idea to look for balance in your life.  Spending a few nights a week in the lifestyle is ok as long as you are spending time away in a different social context.

After taking a few days alone, many couples will be ready to return to the lifestyle. They might also find that their new connection makes them approach swinging a little bit slower. They are more in tune with each other, and that can only be a good thing.

 

Taking one for the team; when it comes to swinging, is it ever ok?

Woman thumbs up, man thumbs down
 Swingers are couples who engage in sexual activity with other people.  There are single people in the lifestyle, but for this article we are talking about couples, after all, if you are single, you are not taking one for the team!
Taking one for the team is something that will come up eventually if you and your partner swing;  how you handle this could determine your future in the lifestyle.
For those of you who are not in the lifestyle, what is taking one for the team?  We all know that the likelihood of two couples finding each other completely equal and appealing is unlikely and unusual.  More often than not, at least one person in the foursome is not attracted to their prospective partner for the evening.  Taking one for the team is when the person who is not attracted, goes along to make their spouse happy and plays with someone they would rather not play with.
Is this really a good idea?  Some people know that they are extremely particular and if they wait to find the “perfect” person for them to play with, they will probably never play.  It’s especially challenging when someone who is very picky is married to someone who is not.  These people can find themselves in situations where they are constantly saying no to potential foursomes and this can create an issue between a couple.  In this case, if the picky person does not lower their standards, they will either never play or will have to take one for the team to make their partner happy.  The question remains, is this a good idea?
Sometimes when confronted with a potential foursome, one of the couple knows that their spouse is very attracted to their potential playmate.  The problem is, even though their spouse is attracted, the other part of this couple is not.   If tthis person backs up, their spouse will not have the opportunity to play with this person, and they do not want to deny them an evening of fun.  They go along to make their spouse happy, and they expect, their spouse would do the same for them if the situation was reversed.  Again, is this a good idea?
I wonder in the above circumstances, if the spouse is aware that their partner is taking one for the team?   Taking one for the team can work if you keep it to yourself and go along without making your spouse feel bad about it.  Perhaps your partner for the evening is not your “model” but he seems nice enough and although he’s not your type, you don’t find him repulsive.  Although some people would not agree, it seems impossible that every couple does not make concessions from time to time to make things work.  The problems arise when this is either an ongoing scenario, or only one of you is ever willing to go along to make your partner happy.
If your spouse knows that you are not really onboard, but insists on moving ahead, this is entering dangerous territory.   When you have expressed to your partner ahead of time that someone grosses you out and they press ahead for you to “deal with it,” that’s a sign of an unhealthy relationship to begin with.   Nobody should ever “expect” you to play with someone you are not interested in.  Should you choose to do it, it must be because you have decided for your own reasons to do it.  It is never a good idea to throw it in your spouse’s face.  If you  decide to move forward, and have a bad result, just remember, they did not push you into it.

In order to have a positive experience in the lifestyle, communication is once again the only way to go.  Talk about these situations before and after they happen.  Try to make light of it, as swinging is for the moment.  “Taking one for the team” generally gets a very negative response and people immediately get defensive claiming they will never do it and neither will their spouse.  Again, if someone repulses you,

then of course, back up and make sure your spouse knows how you feel.  If, however, upon closer examination you discover that nobody ever meets your standards, perhaps you should consider a few things:

 1.  Maybe you really do not want to swing and by finding fault with every potential swing partner, you avoid playing with people altogether.
2.  You have ridiculously high standards.  Do you meet the criteria you set for others?
3.  You are not looking to marry the person, just spend a short time with them.  Does it really matter that they don’t meet all your requirements for a potential mate?
4.  You really cannot stand the thought of seeing your partner with someone else.  By finding fault in every potential swing partner you keep them to yourself.
Don’t misunderstand, I am not advocating taking one for the team.  I am simply attempting to help couples take an honest look at whether or not they should or should not ever lower their standards to make their partner happy.  I do know that my partner has implored me never to take one for the team and I feel the same way.  However, if we are honest and think about those couples we have played with, from time to time, we both have done exactly that.  The reason it has not been an issue is that we either laugh about it after or keep that info to ourselves knowing that we did it for the sake of our partner and it was our choice.

Life like dolls might be easy, but they are no replacement for swingers!

Life like doll

Every time I think I have seen everything, something new pops up.

There was a story in the New York Post about a Japanese man who is deeply in love with his life like female doll. The title of the article is:

“My sex doll is so much better than my real wife”.

You can read more about it here:

https://nypost.com/2017/06/30/i-love-my-sex-doll-because-she-never-grumbles/

The cost of each doll starts at $6000, so it is not a toy. The article says that the doll was developed in Japan because Japanese women can be so cold. Really?! So the answer to avoiding cold, Japanese women is to live with a doll?

When I read this, I couldn’t help but wonder what the heck is going on in the world. Sure, I’ve heard people say they prefer dogs or cats to people, but a doll? At least pets show affection! He talks about how much easier it is to get along with her and how she never requests anything from him. She doesn’t run up his credit card bills and is very agreeable. The doll is extremely life like with soft skin and detailed genitalia.

He elaborated about the time and attention he spends on his doll. He bathes her, dresses her, puts makeup on her, takes her out with him and yes, he has sex with her.

The obvious question here is: is she good in bed? Having been in the lifestyle for many years, that is naturally where my mind goes. I suppose on the one hand, she never says she’s too tired or has a headache. She is definitely open to anything you want to try or do with her. Your size is just right for her and she will never complain that you don’t last long enough or think about her needs. If all you need to enjoy sex with a woman is a body to lie there mute and let you do your thing, this sounds like a good fit. If you are looking for the warmth of human companionship, and perhaps a little action from your partner, that’s not going to happen with a doll. I did a little bit of research to see if there is a male doll, and yes, ladies, there is!

Another reason this doll might appeal to men is that after sex, the man is free to fall asleep with no conversation or cuddling. If she takes up too much room in the bed, he can just shove her off the side of the bed; she won’t complain. Without a doubt, she is open to anything that this guy comes up with! Maybe he brings his buddies over for some double penetration, or maybe a gang bang; I assure you she won’t mind.

Hopefully the fad will remain in Japan (I didn’t see any other places offering “Silicone Sally” for sale). I hate to imagine men showing up at swing clubs or private parties with their new girl. That would be awkward, but as we all know, there is always someone looking to get attention any way they can.

The need for a doll to replace a human would never come into play for swingers. The whole point of swinging is to have experiences with people other than your spouse. Rarely are swingers in the lifestyle because the woman is cold and does not like sex. Usually, it is the opposite!

Swinging offers people a chance to experience a variety of partners, many of whom might be interested in participating in something your spouse is not. There are no ties, it is just sex. Most swing clubs or events offer men the chance to experience things that they might not have the opportunity to have at home. Swingers also do not require cuddling or conversation after sex. Most of them are looking to switch back with the person they came to the club with, and either leave, or move on to someone else.

I suspect over time, the man from Japan will grow tired of his doll. The question is, what will he do with her when he has had enough? Leave her by the curb?

 

 

Being a swinger is like having an open door to live out your sexual fantasies!

truckblonde   Everyone has a fantasy of some sort.  Everyone has at least one sexual fantasy.  Most people probably have a repertoire of sexual fantasies.  How many people have ever told someone what their fantasies are?  For people who are not in the lifestyle, the thought of exposing these fantasies to anyone is impossible to imagine.  Perhaps for some people this is something they discuss with close friends but how many people would tell their partner?  Should this not be a part of an intimate relationship?  Are people fearful that their partner will laugh?  Be appalled?  Be scared?

What are sexual fantasies and why are they so common?  There are an endless amount of sexual fantasies that are common among men and women.  Although they tend to vary between sexes some themes are more common than others.  Some of the more common sexual fantasies are:

  1.  Having sex with someone you know, either a coworker, boss, employee, neighbor, friend, etc.
  2.  Something in the fetish category:  whips and chains, spanking and dominating, submissive sex, etc.
  3.  Having sex in public
  4. Exhibitionism – having others watch you having sex
  5. Voyuerism – watching others having sex
  6. Multiple partners — having sex with more than one person
  7. Gang bangs — either watching or being watched
  8. Masturbating oneself while their partner watches
  9. Girl on girl action — men and women both seem to want this!

You get the point!  The list could go on and on…

Do pent up fantasies contribute to people having affairs outside of their marriage?  Perhaps they do.  This is where swingers benefit!  If most people in the lifestyle were to look at the list above, they would agree that they have participated in many of those fantasies and more.  What is more wonderful than turning fantasy into reality?  Especially when you are engaging in these fantasies with your partner or with your partner nearby?  This is what helps build an open, honest relationship.  No secrets!  How wonderful to be able to open that door with the person you love and share it!

When couples are swingers, every lifestyle event holds promise of a new and exciting adventure.  New people, new situations, new fantasies.  There is no longer a need to make up scenarios secretly in your mind while having sex with your partner.  As every couples knows, there are only so many different positions and so many rooms in your house to have sex in.  After many years together it becomes more and more difficult to think of ways to keep things exciting.  It’s not that you don’t love your partner, it’s that sex can become routine and boring.  Imagine if the two of you were to discuss your secret fantasies.  Better yet, imagine if the two of you went out and tried to fulfill them together.

What could be more exciting than that?

 

Jealousy; why do some people suffer with this while others seem immune?

Jealous woman
Jealous woman sitting at bar with her husband flirting in the background

 

What is jealousy?

According to dictionary.com, jealousy is defined as the following:

1.jealous resentment against a rival, a person enjoying success or advantage, etc., or against another’s success or advantage itself.
2.mental uneasiness from suspicion or fear of rivalry, unfaithfulness, etc., as in love or aims.
3.vigilance in maintaining or guarding something.
4.a jealous feeling, disposition, state, or mood.

 

Are some people more prone to feeling jealous?

It certainly seems that some people really struggle with jealousy issues, while others seem immune. The lifestyle is absolutely an environment where jealousy can really come into play. Perhaps the ability to control or avoid jealousy stems from our upbringing. When parents teach their children not to compare themselves with others, this is a healthy way to teach self confidence.

Teaching children to treat others in a way they would like to be treated can also go a long way in helping. If children are taught to understand that their kindness and empathy for others is important, they will learn to practice this. When people grow up with the understanding that they should follow the “Golden Rule”: ‘do unto others as you would have them do unto you,’ it goes a long way to understanding how to treat others.

 

Why do some people have such issues with this? Is it because they don’t feel good about themselves?

Why is it that some people have no problem with jealousy, while others really suffer with this? Although we tend to think jealousy stems from a lack of self confidence, in fact, it really has little to do with this. Jealousy usually occurs when you do not have confidence in the other person. If your partner thinks about his or herself first, this can become a problem. If your partner, on the other hand, always seems to consider how you are feeling, it goes a long way to making you feel relaxed and secure. Even for those who struggle with low self esteem, if your partner is always complimenting you and making you feel good about yourself, you will eventually come to trust that your partner feels attracted to you. Swinging can bring up serious issues about insecurity. If your partner gives you the confidence to feel good about yourself, this will go a long way in helping to curb any jealous feelings.

 

Communication between a couple will go along way to helping to avoid any jealous feelings.

The lifestyle is obviously not for everyone. Couples who choose to swing must have a very solid relationship. Couples who have this strong bond are very open with each other about what works for them and what does not. Communication is key to success in the lifestyle. If one partner has any doubts about why their partner wants to swing, this could lead to disaster. Before attempting to swing, couples should discuss what they are comfortable with. If one person is afraid they might feel jealous, the couple should address this ahead of time to try to understand why. They should then figure out how to eliminate any doubts from the person’s mind about the reasons their partner wants to swing. The jealous partner will never be the one to seek out the lifestyle; they will be the one who goes along.

 

Does it mean that you love a person more if seeing them with someone else makes you jealous?

Actually, it has nothing to do with that. Jealousy can become a problem for anyone if they do not trust their partner. It does not matter if you are a swinger or not. If your partner does not make you feel secure, jealousy is the result. You begin to question their motives, especially in the lifestyle.

 

How can we learn to either avoid it or eliminate jealous feelings?

When you are a swinger, if your partner always consults with you regarding what you would like or who you would like to play with, there would be no reason to feel jealous. If your partner keeps checking in to make sure you are happy and comfortable, you feel they care about you. How could you feel jealous when someone makes you a priority?

When you take the attitude that what is good for you, is good for your partner, it helps keep you balanced. If you want your partner to treat you a certain way, you should first treat your partner that way. It starts at the very beginning of any evening. When you take time to get dressed and look your best, if your partner says nothing, you wonder if maybe you don’t look great. You start to second guess your hair, what you are wearing, etc. If, on the other hand, your partner takes notice and tells you how nice you look, the night will start off on a better note.

If your partner grabs your hand while you are talking to other couples, it makes you feel united. When they pay you a compliment in front of others, it also makes you feel special. Going that little extra distance will make any partner feel special and important. Imagine if everyone took a moment out of their night to tune in to the person they are with to let them know how special they are. Maybe an unexpected kiss or touch; it goes a long way to making your partner feel loved. When you feel loved and secure, there is never a reason to feel jealous.

Communicating the reason you swing to your partner will also help to avoid jealous feelings. When you remind them that they are your priority, it helps them to accept seeing you play with someone else. When you take the time to tell you partner that swinging is for the moment, that they are your partner and you will go home together, it makes a big difference. When you are playing with someone else, a simple touch or kiss with your partner reminds them that you are there for them all the time. It tells them that even though you are playing with someone else, they are still thinking about you.

 

Can we learn to turn off jealous feelings?

If a couple takes the time to practice these tips, there should be no reason for anyone to feel jealous. Just remember, the next time you want to leer at someone you are interested in or disregard your partner’s lack of desire to play with another couple that you are not thinking about them. If one person is always thinking about themselves, jealousy will come into play for their partner.

Always remember that what is good for you, is good for your partner. If you treat your partner in a way that is respectful and loving, you give them no reason to feel jealous. It’s that simple.