A unicorn explains why she is in the lifestyle and what she is looking for.

Unicorn wearing Partners ID jewelry
Unicorn wearing Partners ID jewelry

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

This blog was written for Partners ID by Kennedy M., a single woman in the lifestyle.

Most swingers prefer to keep the fact that they are in the lifestyle to themselves.  At times it can be challenging, especially when we find ourselves in situations that are hard to explain.  Imagine how hard it would be for vanilla people to wrap their minds around a unicorn!

Not long ago, while taking notes in a board room for an important client, I received an email with a subject line that said it was an important message from Joe (a close friend’s name).  I was busy and did not look at the return email address.  As soon as we took a break for a few minutes I scrolled down and clicked on it.  To my surprise there was a close up picture of a black man’s dick.  Before I could click delete, a male coworker was standing behind my chair asking if that was my new boyfriend.

When I am not blogging about my lifestyle experiences I have a job that is quite vanilla; complete with meetings in board rooms and client lunches.  For obvious reasons, I do not discuss my private life where I work.  When colleagues ask what I did over the weekend, I usually tell them, “The usual; a movie, some dinner” etc.  I am single and the company I work for would be horrified if they really knew how I spend my weekends.

I am a unicorn, a single girl in the swinger lifestyle, for those who do not know the term.

I did not discover swinging alone, but found myself single after a lengthy relationship in which we were a swinging couple.  I was very much in love with my boyfriend and was heart broken when he ended it with little explanation.

I am not soured by this nor do I hate men.  I am, however, wary of putting my heart out there again in fear that I will find myself in the same situation.

When I was finally ready to go back out after the breakup, I returned to a place where I felt very comfortable in the past.  My former boyfriend and I were swing club rats and spent at least two nights a week in our local establishment.  We had a nice circle of lifestyle friends, many of whom had reached out to me after the break up.

My first night out alone was a little bit scary.  I was unsure how I would be received by some of the women.  I knew I was not looking to intrude on anyone’s relationship but would they know that?  I had never really known any unicorn but had heard some women speaking poorly about them in the past.  I did not want that to be me.

For the most part, the women were happy to see me and welcomed me with open arms.  One or two seemed a bit uncomfortable with all the attention the men lavished upon me (which I in no way sought out but as most unicorns will admit, it is hard to avoid).

The first few times I went to the club I felt a little awkward.  I needed people to make me feel like I belonged there.  It didn’t take long for couples (some I knew, some I did not) to ask me to join them in the back room.  After a period of time I started receiving invitations to parties.  I also started having men ask me to accompany them to the club when their wives were out of town.   I have always declined to do this but I do know other unicorns who have no problem with this.   Although I knew why I was there, I wasn’t sure others understood why I chose to make a swing club my night life of choice.  I overheard women asking each other what exactly I was looking for.

I will tell you “what I was, and still am, looking for.”  I love to dance, I love to dress sexy and I love to have fun.  I like to meet new people and I love to have sex; both with men and with women.  I like the comfort and the warmth of the lifestyle.  It’s a great place to go to as you do not need a date, or to make plans with others.  You just show up and hang with the people who are there.  You can spend an amazing night, have great sex and kiss the other people goodnight.  I can go home and sleep alone in my bed.  Nobody to answer to.  I can stay until 12 midnight or go home at 4am.  I can do what I want with no strings attached.  If I am looking for some one on one time, there are always single guys who are more than willing to spend the evening with a unicorn.  The best part is, I do not have to be alone with them.  We can choose a private room to play but I am not in a scary situation with a stranger.  If I want to be with a couple, no problem.  If I want a gang bang, that’s my choice.  The best part for me is that I leave alone.  I am not looking for a boyfriend or a husband or anything else.  I am looking for a good time.  That’s it, that’s all.  I can not speak for every unicorn as we are all individuals.  I have gotten to know a few who spend time in this swing club and we are not all on the same page.  I will not go into the back room with someone else’s husband if she is not in the club to approve.  Most of the other girls have no problem with that.  I also will not date a married man with or without the wife’s permission.  I will only play with someone’s husband if she is present, but even then, I prefer to make it a threesome.  Most unicorns I have met don’t really have any rules.  They are out for themselves and offer no apologies for what they do.  They prefer to be alone for a variety of reasons and although they love the attention they get in the clubs, for the most part, they are not looking for anything more than a good time.

I have tried to imagine how I would feel if there was a unicorn around when my boyfriend and I were together at the club.  We did not really know of any at that time so it is hard to say.  If unicorns are respectful of other’s relationships then there should never be a problem.  I would suggest making sure that if you choose this route you pay a lot of attention to the women.  If you are flirting with their husband and ignoring them, this will be a problem for sure.  Since you have no one to offer to them, you must flirt with them as a couple.  Always try to put yourself in the woman’s shoes and ask yourself how you would feel if the situation were reversed.

Unicorns are a great addition to the lifestyle if they understand the rules of the game.  Some think they are the stars of the club because they get a lot of attention.  Perhaps it would be better to just think of yourself as another component to the lifestyle.  Although we bring an added element to the lifestyle, the lifestyle could easily exist without us.

Nobody ever asks what single men are looking for in the club.  Why the double standard?  It seems a question I hear often regarding unicorns.   I am looking for sex just like they are.  I just happen to prefer the no strings attached variety.  I don’t want you to call me in the morning.  Really, I don’t.  More often that not, I also don’t want to play with you again.  It was fun once but I am not looking to repeat the experience regardless of how awesome it might have been.  I am not looking for you to cuddle with me or tell me how beautiful I am.  Please do not tell me about your problems and I will not bother you with mine.  The truth is, I don’t really care, I just want to enjoy my night out.

I do like to try new things and am very open minded.  Sometimes that seems to make some women feel  a little threatened.  I am not a slut or a whore because I am a sexual person.  When I was in a relationship I did not feel as free to explore things as I do now.  Perhaps that is why it is hard for you to relate, but that doesn’t really give you the right to judge.

People have asked me many times why I am not out looking for someone of my own.  It is a valid question but again, I am enjoying being by myself.  When I am ready to be in a relationship, I can assure you I will not be fishing for someone in a swing club.  Perhaps one day I will meet a nice single guy at a lifestyle event but who knows.  For now, I am very happy to be a unicorn and have no plans to change that any time soon.

 

Body language is a clear indicator of a person’s interest and happiness. How to tune in…

 

Woman with negative body language staring at her husband wearing Partners ID jewelry
Woman with negative body language staring at her husband wearing Partners ID jewelry

 

 

 

Women pride themselves on having the ability to communicate without having to say a word.  They feel confident that they can both read body language and convey their feelings through it.  The problem is that men are not always able to read these signals.  Sometimes the situation can be reversed.  It is important to pay attention to what your partner is trying to tell you when it is not possible to say something out loud.  Some couples have code words while others have invented special signals to let their significant other know when they are ok or not with a situation.  What happens when you are in a situation and one person is definitely not happy but the partner seems not to notice?

In a swing club last night there were two couples sitting next to each other by the dance floor.  The women were perched on stools and the men were standing behind them.  The men were engaged in conversation, laughing and having a good time but the women were clearly not clicking.  One woman was attempting to make conversation with the other but she was totally ignoring her, never moving her eyes from the dance floor.  You could see by their body language that they were not getting along.  The men seemed oblivious to the fact that they were clearly wasting their time.  At one point, one of the men left for the restroom and the other man immediately turned his attention to the other man’s wife, who was sitting in front of him.  His partner seemed eager to get his attention but he was focusing on the other woman.  Big mistake!  When she realized he was completely blind to her feelings (which were obvious to me from across the room), she jumped off the stool and walked away without a word.  The man was left standing there unsure of whether to remain talking to this other woman or to follow his girlfriend.  Eventually the first man returned and he left to find his partner.  I lost track of them but suspect the night did not end well for this couple.

How could this have played out differently?  Perhaps if he had been paying attention to her body language he would have observed (as I did) that the women were not compatible.  Without this dynamic, nothing can happen between the couples.  Communication is always a priority if couples are going to be successful in the lifestyle but in this case, it was more about simply paying attention to his significant other.

Let’s face it, it is not logical to imagine that people are always going to like each other and click simply because their spouse wants it that way.  Women, especially, can be a little more complicated when it comes to jelling with one another and this is something men must consider if their night is going to run smoothly!  Imagine had the men tried to coerce those two women into a rendezvous in the backroom together!  That would have been a nightmare before, during and after.

There are times when a couple might enter a lifestyle event but one of the couple isn’t really “feeling it.”  They try to go along and have a good time but ultimately they are looking forward to simply playing with their own partner that night.  Honestly, if your partner really knows you well, they will see it.  The majority of the time, our body langauge speaks volumes without you having to explain it.  If your partner is not tuned into you it can be a mess.

Swingers, perhaps more than any other type of couple, must be tuned in to their partners at all times if they want to have success when in a lifestyle environment.  Couples are there to meet others, and for many couples it is with the intent to find another couple to swing with for that night.  When you are engaged in a conversation with another couple, make sure you pay attention to the signals your partner might be trying to send you as it isn’t always possible to talk freely at this point.  If he/she is actively engaged in conversation and smiling easily, chances are they are interested.  If they are looking away or turning their body away from the group, chances are this means no, not a good fit.  If your partner is grabbing onto your arm or pulling you towards them, you might want to consider that they are not interested.

The same goes for couples approaching you on a dance floor.  Sometimes the man will turn his wife around to dance facing you.  Are they expressing interest?  Probably, but the choice is yours if you are open to getting closer to them.  If they do not interest you, you can simply dance away from them.  It is probably never a good idea to push your partner toward someone else without knowing that they have some interest.

What about when you are in the play area?  A couple is next to you and starts to touch you while you are with your partner.  How can you know if your partner would like to play with the other?  These are times that verbal cues that the two of you have discussed ahead of time come in very handy!  If you have not thought of this (perhaps you should), again, look at your partner.  Do they appear interested in switching?  If they continue to play with you and make no move to join the other couple, perhaps you should take that as a sign that they are not interested.  The last thing you want is to put your partner in a situation that they do not want to be in.  Body language in a situation like this is usally a very good indicator of interest or not.  If your significant other pulls you close or they close off their body with their arms, it should let you know that they are not interested!  If they turn towards this couple with outstretched arms, that is a good sign!

Swinging should be enjoyable and easy for both the man and woman of the couple.  If your partner is not paying attention to you and what you are trying to convey to them, things probably will not end well for that night.  One of the problems in the lifestyle is that when you are constantly surrounded by and approached by other couples, communicating freely can be a challenge.  Women must remember that if they want their husband or boyfriend to know exactly how they are feeling, they must make it a point to convey this to them.  If you already know that your man is not very good reading nonverbal cues, don’t expect him to know what you are trying to say if you don’t speak up.

The best course of action for any couple is to try to consider each situation and decide if it looks like your signifiacnt other is interested in the same thing as you.  You might be attracted to the male part of a couple but either  ask your man or observe him to see if he looks happy.  Same thing for your wife.  If she is clearly unhappy with a situation, walk away.  If you are a couple, you should expect to put each other first.  It is probably a good rule of thumb to always stop and think about how you would feel if the situation were reversed.  What is good for one should be good for the other.

Is a key party just a more polite way of saying swinger party?

Friends at a key party wearing Partners ID jewelry
Friends at a key party wearing Partners ID jewelry

 

 

Key party?  What on earth is a key party?!

Believe it or not, the subject of swinging was brought up recently by my mother; yes, my mother. The funny thing is, this isn’t the first time.

I can remember when I was in my late teens, we bumped into a woman who lived down the street. The woman kissed my mother on both cheeks (which I found very odd since this woman was born and raised in NY) and admonished my mother for not joining them at their last party. “We have been dying to get you and Dan to come to our parties! Trust me darling, you will love them!”

I thought it was odd that this woman spoke about parties as though they were a regular occurrence at her home and I thought it more odd that my parents were invited and were declining the invitation(s).

As we walked away I asked my mother why she didn’t want to go to this woman’s parties. She turned and looked at me as if to decide if I were old enough to hear her answer. Apparently she thought I was, so she told me that this woman and her husband were throwing key parties once a month at their home. Key parties? I searched my brain for a possible explanation for what a key party could possibly mean but I came up blank. I looked at her and shook my head to show her I had no idea what that meant.

“A key party is where you go to someone’s home and at the end of the night you all throw your house keys into a pile. Each woman picks a key and goes home to spend the night with the man who owns that house key.” I can remember trying to wrap my head around what she had just explained to me but there was no part of me that could make any sense of this. I had so many questions but I chose to continue with the most pressing:

“What if you pick a key and don’t the like the man it belongs to,” I asked. “Exactly the reason I would never want to participate in a key party” my mother explained.

So you randomly pick a key and that’s what decides who you go home with?!

That didn’t help my head to understand this whole thing. My mother’s answer confused me as much as her explanation of the party! I couldn’t help but think that she would be ok with the whole thing if she could choose the man with whom she would spend the night.

Is this what adults did? How come I had never heard about this before? Neighbors were sleeping with neighbors? The woman who was throwing these parties had a son who was a good friend of mine. Did he know about these parties? What did he think? Who else was going to these parties? I had so many questions! When I tried to bring up the subject of these alleged key parties of few days later with my mother, she simply said she was joking. She said that was what she had heard but didn’t really know if there was any truth to it. That was the last time we talked about it. Obviously, it was a conversation I never forgot.

Fast forward to yesterday. I am no longer in my late teens so perhaps now I am really old enough to hear the truth.

“Someone told your father that there is a whole group of younger people where we live that are swapping wives,” my mother reported. “Your father seemed shocked but I reminded him that way back when, everyone at our country club up north was doing the same thing.”

I asked if she was referring to those infamous key parties she had once mentioned. “Oh, no, this is something different. For years, many couples at the club were sleeping with each other. Everyone knew about it.”

Everyone but me…

Before I had the chance to ask, she named a few couples that did not surprise me to hear about, but did not include herself and my father. I didn’t ask and she didn’t say anything more. Although I can’t say for sure, I don’t think they were swingers. Maybe I am wrong, but since she knows a small bit about my lifestyle (kind of a don’t ask don’t tell type thing), she certainly knows I am open to swinging.

Does every adult get invited to a key party?

When I was newly married and had moved with my husband to a new state, I remember hearing about a key club in a nearby community. I was shocked to hear mention of this “key party” thing again. I was once again curious as to whether this was something common amongst married couples. Eventually, someone did approach us about attending one of their parties but we declined. When we had young children and were relatively newly married, it was as far off my radar as could be. I couldn’t in a million years imagine ever wanting any part of that.

Obviously, over time, we changed, but it was when the time was right for us. We also never took part in a “key party” for the same reason my mother claimed she did not. If I were going to play with someone else, I didn’t want to leave it to chance. I wanted to choose the person who would be good for me and I wanted to do it with my husband right there.

Maybe swinging is just not that uncommon…

The thing that interests me the most is not the history of the key party, but rather that they seem to be relatively common. When my mother mentioned this latest discovery about the young group where they live having sex with each other, my fist inclination was to say that it seems swinging is much more common than even I had realized. She looked at me funny and said, “Who said they are swingers?”

This always brings me back to the same question: Are married people having sex with friends but not referring to this as swinging? Are “key parties” not swinger parties? In my book, married couples who are having sex with other married couples are swingers. From what I am realizing, it is actually very common and it seems to be very wide spread.

It seems people don’t like to be labeled. This is not something new either. Perhaps if we found another way to refer to swingers more people would want in. Maybe we can just call swingers fun couples. I would bet that if that was the term to replace swingers, more people would admit to their open minded ways. After all, who doesn’t want to be a fun couple?

Love does play a role in swinging but not in the way people might imagine.

Couple in love wearing Partners ID jewelry
Couple in love wearing Partners ID jewelry

When we think about swinging, we do not think about love. The purpose of swinging is to have fun. To find another couple or a single man or woman to fulfill a fantasy. Sex is a physical act and does not require love to participate. Swinging equates to sex without love whereas a marriage incorporates love and sex.

To people who are not in the lifestyle, it is a very difficult concept for them to grasp. They frequently ask if couples in the lifestyle if they are afraid that their partner could fall in love with someone else. Sure, anything is possible, but you do not have to be a swinger to be at risk of falling in love with someone else.

Swinging has nothing to do with love. Swingers do not seek out the lifestyle to find a partner to share their life with. Single swingers might be looking for someone who shares their lifestyle views but couples are not there for this reason.

Vanilla couples cannot understand how swingers do not get jealous when they see their partner with someone else but it always reminds me of something from the Bible. The following is a part of the passage, not the entire thing: (I am not religious, or Catholic, but this always comes to mind):

Love is patient. Love is kind. Love does not envy, it does not put on airs, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, and it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. So Faith, Hope and Love abide these three; But the Greatest of these is Love.”

In my opinion, the only role love plays in swinging, is between the couple that decides together that they would like to explore the  lifestyle.  You love your partner enough to give them the freedom to partake in things they otherwise could not, and you find joy in seeing them enjoy those things.  You have faith in your partner; you allow them to play because you are sure they will come back to you.   You are able to express love for each other by forging your own path.  You do not allow others to dictate to you what is normal.  Although society equates love with monogamy, you choose to define love your own way and you know the love between you and your partner is mutually exclusive.  You hope that your love is forever and that these experiences will only enrich your lives.

There is no love between couples that play but there can be infatuation or lust.  How can you love someone that you don’t really know?  The person who shows up at parties or swing clubs or on vacations or cruises allows you to see only a small part of who they are.  The real person is the one who has to get up for work in the mornings; the person who has to clean up after their children or their dog.  The true person is not always dancing and having fun but paying bills and dealing with stress.  Until you know that person, how can you really know that you love them?

The part of swinging that makes it so enjoyable is that we get to dress up, have a few drinks, dance or socialize then move onto the swinging aspect.  Spending an evening with swingers is like going out on New Year’s Eve.  It’s always a big party, but is that real life?  It is an awful lot of fun and the environment lends itself to getting hot for other people, but that is the whole point.  We go into swing clubs looking for others to spend a few hours with but not our lives.

If people in the lifestyle were not able to separate sex and love, swinging could not exist.  It is the rare couple who can find that delicate balance and make it work.  If couples were constantly falling in love with each other, swing clubs would be empty.  Who would want to risk their relationship for an evening of fun?
The most important thing is to keep perspective.  Having sex with someone else is just for a moment of pleasure, whereas being in a committed relationship is hopefully for a lifetime.

Why is it hard to get an erection when you are in an erotic situation?

Why is it hard to get an erection when you are in an erotic situation?

For most men, just the thought of a threesome, watching girl on girl or watching your wife have sex with another man will cause an instant erection.   Men fantasize about experiencing a swing club and believe that they will be rock hard when they enter the playroom for the first time.
Prior to entering the lifestyle, most men feel that they can count on their dicks to perform pretty much at will.  They get hard for their wives and their girlfriends and it doesn’t take much.  Pop in some porn and within moments they feel their erection.
Fast forward to a night in a swing club.  They enjoy the begininng of the evening with friends, maybe a beer or two, dance a little, flirt a little, then head into the back room.  Equipment failure in the back room of a swing club is extremely common.  It is not usually due to a man’s age as it can be more prevalent amongst younger guys than older.  It also is way more common with men who are new to the lifestyle.  They imagine their prowess in a situation like this, but often times it does play out as they expect.
How ironic is it that so many young guys have a hard time getting an erection when they are new to the back room?  I had always imagined that when I walked into the back room my first time, that every guy I saw, including my husband, would have a raging hard on.  Not so much…  You would think that with all there is to see (and touch and be touched), that guys would be unable to contain their erections.  Much to my surprise, after speaking with many men in the club, it can be quite the opposite.
This can be quite discouraging to newbies in the club.  They are young, they are virile, they have no problems like this at home. The never miss an erection when with their significant other or while watching porn or while fantasizing, but get them in a situation like this and wah, wah… equipment failure.  Why do you suppose this happens?  It is most likely due to inexperience and intimidation.  Some like to call it whiskey dick, but many men already know that drinking can create this problem and so they avoid alcohol.
 Having discussed this with men who have had this problem, they all say the same thing.  This problem goes away with time and experience in the lifestyle.  No question about it, many men will not take the chance that this could happen and they pop a Viagra or Cialis and even some opt for injections, but is this really necessary?  Probably not.  What is the root of the problem?  Are men afraid they can’t measure up to some of the other guys in the back?  As we see that the older men are not suffering as much as the younger ones,  this leads us back to experience.  I have been told that if the man pays attention to the girl he is with and stays focused, there is usually no issue.  The problem is when he is watching his wife or girlfriend and becomes distracted from the “task at hand”.    Men are busy watching other men play with their significant other and that can be challenging to their egos if the girl is having too much fun.   Perhaps the other man has bigger equipment than he does, or he is more active.  Who knows what the cause is; just know that it is perfectly normal and will get easier with time.
Most women have been in this type of a situation before if they are not new to the lifestyle.  Most women are compassionate and will do their best to find other ways to enjoy their time with this guy regardless.   If you do find yourself either in this situation or as a part of the situation just remember that we all know that this can happen and it is normal.  Sometimes just a little bit of attention from your wife or girlfriend can help things to get going again.  Even if it’s just not going to happen that night, beating yourself up about it won’t change anything for next time.  Putting yourself under pressure will only make things worse.
Just remember, nobody is judging…

Lifestyle jewelry makes it so easy to find other swingers; just ask this bartender!

Handsome bartender wearing Partners ID bracelet
Handsome bartender wearing Partners ID bracelet

 

 

Dear Partners ID,

I’m not much of a letter writer but after reading some of the other letters people sent about how they met others because of your jewelry I figured I’d give it a shot.

I am a 38 year old single man and I used to swing with my long term girlfriend. We live pretty close to a swing club and we used to spend a lot of time there. After we broke up I was not comfortable going alone so I have pretty much been out of the lifestyle since our breakup last year.

I do have a profile on Kasidie but single guys have a hard time simply because of the sheer number of them. When I meet women and try to talk about the lifestyle, it doesn’t go over very well.

I took a vacation a few months ago to Desire (brought a girl I was seeing, very bad idea), and discovered your jewelry. I had actually heard about it but didn’t realize that I was the perfect candidate to wear it. I saw quite a few people wearing it and decided to buy a bracelet. I like it a lot and whenever I have worn it I get a lot of compliments on it.

I work in a very busy bar in downtown Houston. The bar is a hangout for locals and on the weekends packs a big crowd. Last Thursday night I was working and two couples were doing shots of whiskey when one of the women asked to see my bracelet. As I turned my wrist to give her a closer look she slipped a card in my hand. It was a personal card with their SDC screen name and your logo! I laughed and she told me they were having a house party the following weekend and wanted me to come.

It was that simple! I couldn’t believe how easy that was. After all this time of looking and trying to find a way to get back into the lifestyle! Needless to say I am going to this party and just wanted to thank you!

Happy Holidays!

AJ

Why you must be able to trust your partner in order to be successful in the lifestyle.

Woman with trust issues . All 3 wearing Parnters ID jewelry
Woman feels left out. All 3 wearing Partners ID jewelry

 

 

 

 

Trust is something that is vitally important for any relationship to be successful. Some people believe that trust is more important than love in order to sustain a healthy relationship with another person. According to dictionary.com, trust means the following:

1. Reliance on the integrity, strength, ability, surety, etc., of a person or thing; confidence.
2. Confident expectation of something; hope.
3. Confidence in the certainty of future payment for property or goods received; credit:

If you cannot rely upon or have confidence in the person you share your life with, there are sure to be problems between the two of you. Having trust in another person allows you to feel both confident and safe.

What are some of the ways in which people allow others to trust them?

For one, being dependable for you partner is critical. If your partner knows that regardless of the situation they can turn to you for help and you will be there for them, that helps to build a solid foundation. Supporting your partner is very important. If they need to talk to you about something, be available to them. Don’t diminish their feelings when they open up about something that concerns them. Even if something seems silly or unimportant to you, it might feel the exact opposite to them. Make sure your partner knows you care about them. Don’t just nod your head when they speak, listen to what they are saying and try to help them through the situation.

Trust is not built around control. If you try to control your partner, it makes them feel that you have no confidence in them. Allow them the freedom to do what is best for them and for you, without your interference. Show your partner respect by trusting them around other people. If something is bothering you, discuss it with your partner, not other people. Talking about your partner is never helpful in either resolving problems or in building trust between the two of you.

So how does trust come into play in the lifestyle? Most people believe that their fellow swingers have no trust issues with their partners. How can they? Swinging is built around the philosophy of an open marriage. Without trust, how could you possibly swing?

Trust is critically important in the lifestyle, perhaps even more so, than in the vanilla world. Swingers allow their partners to not only flirt with others, but to have sex with other people. The majority of their time spent in lifestyle venues is for the purpose of finding others to have sex with. If something is happening that makes one person uncomfortable, this could lead to disaster for the couple.

In order for swingers to be successful in the lifestyle, couples must be proficient in communicating with one another. Nothing can be held back when talking about the lifestyle. If one person is feeling insecure or uncomfortable about something, it must be spoken about immediately. Trust is the most important factor in determining the success or failure of a couple who decides to enter the lifestyle.

Often times one person is actually acting in a way that their partner finds offensive but to keep the peace, they let it slide. It is very important to make sure your partner comes first in the lifestyle regardless of how long the two of you have been swinging. From the moment you step foot into a swing club or party, you must remember you are a couple first and foremost. Make sure your partner is happy and comfortable at all times. Your partner must feel that you are there for them no matter what the circumstance. Does your partner need a refill for their drink, would they like to dance, do they like the people you are talking with? Are you paying attention to everyone except them? Is there a person you find attractive and are spending too much time watching them or trying to flirt with them? Although in your mind that is why you are at the club or the party, your partner might not appreciate the way in which you approach swinging.  A simple loving gesture from time to time goes a long way to letting your partner know you are thinking of them.  Hold their hand, a gentle kiss or even touching their hair will let them feel that you are thinking about them.

One of the best ways to ensure your partner will always be happy and comfortable is to consider how you would feel if the tables were turned. Always treat your partner as you would like to be treated. Jealousy is always a possibility in the lifestyle. Although couples always say neither of them gets jealous, this is not always the truth. In order to make sure your partner has no reason to feel jealous, let them know by your actions that they always come first. A united couple is a secure couple. Just like it is important for your partner to trust you, it is equally as important for potential swinger couples to trust you. Nobody wants to find themselves in a situation with a couple who is having problems. It can only lead to disaster for everyone involved and seasoned swingers can spot these couples a mile away.

Swinging is wonderful for couples who are honestly able to trust one another. One of the reasons some couples are so successful in the lifestyle is because of their honest communication. The talk about what they both feel comfortable with and what makes them uncomfortable. They speak honestly about what they like and dislike. Successful couples are like football players. They have a game plan and they stick with it. They have rules and boundaries regarding swinging. They talk about things before they arrive at an event and they rehash how things went afterwards. If something did not go as planned, they discuss how they could have done things differently. They operate as a team. They are in this together and it shows. These are the couples who have the best chance of success in the lifestyle.

Trust is something that people earn from others. When we first meet someone, we never know if we can trust them. It is over time, through actions and words that we discover that either this person is honest and we can rely on them, or they are not and we cannot have confidence in them. If trust was an issue prior to entering the lifestyle, swinging can exacerbate this problem tenfold. If this is an issue for your couple, the lifestyle is probably not the place for you.

The Bliss lifestyle cruise is getting ready to set sail. Are you ready?

Woman on a lifestyle cruise wearing Partners ID jewelry
Woman on a lifestyle cruise wearing Partners ID jewelry

 

 

 

 

Bliss Cruise is getting ready to set sail in less than 2 weeks!  Are you ready?!

Many couples have signed up for and have spent months getting ready for what should prove to be a very memorable cruise.  With the number of people reaching over 2,000,  the Celebrity Equinox boasts 1450 cabins, with 1200 of them being balconies! http://www.blisscruise.com/Our_Cruises/Equinox_Nov_2017   What could be more exciting than planning for a fun filled week on a beautiful ship with so many like minded adults?  Thoughts of days spent lounging around a spectacular pool with other sexy couples, delicious food and drinks galore are enough to get anyone in party mode indeed.

Lifestyle cruises have become extremely popular both with swingers and naturists.  The swingers love it because it allows them to be both nude and enjoy swinging with other couples.  The naturists love it because of the clothing free option these ship allow.

What could be missing from this very sexy image?

The ability to know at first glance who the swingers are.  That brings us back to the same old question swingers have been asking for years:  how can we know which people to approach?  As people in the lifestyle know, naturists are not swingers and do not appreciate being hit on.

So how can we distinguish swingers from naturists?

What could be easier than wearing a necklace or bracelet (or even a temporary tattoo) to let others know that you are there to party?  If you already own a piece of Partners ID jewelry, don’t forget to pack it!  If not, you might want to order yours now so you will have it in time for the cruise!

All of our jewelry is high quality and designed with an active lifestyle in mind.  The pedant (and most of the jewelry) is constructed of stainless steel so it is ok to get it wet!  The idea is to have fun and know who else is on the same page without having to ask!

Bon Voyage!

 

Swinger dating site rejects; no validations for the dishonest!

Couple taking selfie for a swinger dating site
Couple taking selfie for a swinger dating site

 

 

 

Finding other couples to swing with can sometimes seem quite challenging. Swing clubs are a great way to meet other swingers but not everyone lives close enough to a club for this to be a viable option. For those who would like to find other swingers close to where they live, the internet offers many sites which are useful for swingers.

Swinger dating sites are a great tool for swingers. You sign up for a membership and it offers so much information that is helpful for both current swingers and for people looking to swing. The membership is not expensive but it is costly enough to prevent curiosity seekers from prying.

After signing up you are prompted to post photos of yourself and fill out a basic questionnaire. This will help other swingers to get to know more about you. This part of the process is very important. While it is normal to look through your photo albums to find the best possible pictures of yourself, make sure the pictures actually looks like you today. If the picture was not taken in the past few months, don’t post it. People don’t care what you used to look like, nor do they care that at a certain angle your photo makes you look 20 pounds thinner. They simply want to know what you really look like.

Once you have posted your new swinger profile, you are ready to start looking at other couple’s profiles. Perhaps you would like to try speed dating or look for a local public or private party in your area. For those who would like to try a swing club, most offer directories and reviews of clubs all across the US and Canada. The forums are a good resource to ask questions and get more information about swinging. Hopefully, you will be able to find what you are looking for by using this online site (or sites).

If finding other swingers on dating sites is so easy, why do people have difficulties when meeting others in person? It almost always comes back to the same reason: their pictures do not look like them. This is such a common problem that many swingers actually write on their profile that they prefer couples who do not look like their photos to please not contact them. Some profiles are less polite about it and they write things like: If you show up and you don’t look like your photos, we will leave.

It might seem harsh and even shallow for couples to be so adamant about people posting current photos, but we know first hand that people are serious about this problem. They are not afraid to walk away when someone misrepresents who they are.

We were in a swing club recently and witnessed a couple enter the club. They looked around and a couple sitting towards the back of the club waved to them. They looked at each other and slowly made their way over to the couple who had waved to them. You could tell by the look on their faces that something was wrong. They introduced themselves and sat down. The woman was very gracious and was talking to the couple but the man was looking all around the club and ignoring them. The two couples were very different. The couple who entered the club was probably in their late 40s to early 50s. The couple who waved them over were at least 10 to 15 years older than them. The younger couple was in good shape and dressed very chic, while the older couple was neither. The older couple was both overweight and not quite fashion-forward.

We watched them for a few minutes and left for the dance floor. Not long after, the younger couple appeared on the dance floor. When we went back to our seats, they followed us and sat down next to us. The man excused himself to go and pick up their drinks, which they left sitting on a table with the older couple they had met earlier. The woman explained that they had met them online and sure enough, their pictures were completely misleading. She pulled out her phone and showed us the pictures the older couple has on their profile. Not only did I question if the pictures were even of this couple but they claimed to be in their late 40s, which is absolutely impossible.

This is a perfect example of why posting old photos or shaving years off of your age does not work. Sure, it makes for a great profile and perhaps maybe people will contact you, but what happens when you have to meet someone in person?

I initially felt sorry for the older couple as they looked disappointed and rejected. When I said something, the couple who sat down with us pointed out that they were the ones who were disappointed and annoyed. They had changed their plans to accommodate this couple and it was a complete waste of their time. Had they known what this couple really looked like, and known their true age, they would have known they were not compatible and would not have wasted their time meeting them. They felt the other couple was wrong for pretending to be something they are not.

What inspires couples to create such misleading profiles? Is it possible that they think they look like their old photos? Do they not notice the extra 20 pounds they have gained since they took that picture? Perhaps they are simply afraid that nobody will contact them if they are completely honest. Maybe, they think that at least this way, couples will meet them and they will have a chance to win them over with their bright smiles and quick wit. It is possible,

Whatever the reason for this, it is wrong. The whole point in posting photos and filling out profiles is to try to find couples who are a good match for each other. Just because you are attracted to certain couples, it does not mean they will be attracted to you. If your profile is honest, your chances of a successful rendezvous is much higher than if you are dishonest. Swinging should be fun! If you approach it in a positive honest way, it will be!

Here is a list of some swinger dating sites to check out ( in no particular order):

https://www.kasidie.com

https://www.ASNLifestyle

https://www.SDC.com

https://www.quiver.us

https://www.SLS.com

https://www.adultfriendfinder

https://www.swingtowns.com

http://www.mixingsexy.com

https://www.lifestylelocker.net

http://www.socialswinging.com

http://swingersuk.net

http://www.swingerzonecentral.com

https://www.fabswingers.com

https://swingular.com

https://lovevoodoo.com/

https://www.lifestylelounge.com

https://www.swingingheaven.co.uk

https://www.local-swingers.co.uk

https://www.swinger-nation.co.uk

This site is a wonderful tool to research swing clubs, complete with reviews from swingers:    http://www.sexparty.directory  

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Swinging seems to be so easy for some couples. What is their secret for success?

Smiling couple holding hands
Smiling couple holding hands

 

Swinging is an art that must be mastered.  Not every couple has an easy time navigating the ups and downs of the lifestyle.

Have you ever noticed that some couples seem so happy in the lifestyle?  They arrive at lifestyle events holding hands and they leave with a big smile on their faces.  What is their secret?

Swinging seems to be so easy for some couples. What is their recipe for success?

The most successful swingers are the ones with the best communication. They talk before, during and after every encounter they have. Swingers who are open and honest about how they feel get the most out of the lifestyle. That is not to say that they never have any issues when they swing; they do, the difference is they talk about it right away to clear things up for the next time.

What happens when you are not totally open with your significant other?

Some people say that they are shy and have a hard time telling their partner what works and what doesn’t when swinging. They don’t want to cause friction or upset their partner so they just go along. How’s that working for you?

As with any other aspect of a relationship, if you are not honest, your partner won’t know what is expected of him or her. If something your partner does bothers you, you must talk about it or you can’t expect it to change. It is also unfair to continually feel upset by behavior that you have not said bothers you. If, for example, it upsets you to see your significant other passionately kiss his playmates, but you have never told them, how can they know?

Sometimes things can go wrong right from the start.

Some people are natural extroverts. They walk into a room, a club, a party and they feel comfortable enough to talk with anyone. They are charming and usually quick to compliment others and put them at ease. Others are not so confident and require more time to warm up.
The shy person usually wants their partner to stay close by and include them in conversations. If the extrovert is not made aware of this, they will move about imagining their partner is fine on their own. This type of scenario is not going to leave the quieter person feeling very good about the situation right from the get go.

When things start off on the wrong foot, they tend to go from bad to worse.

If the evening starts off leaving one person feeling left out, this could be trouble. When one partner starts to connect or flirt with someone and their partner is not involved, don’t expect the one who is left out to cheer you on. If a couple is there to swap, it would be wise to discuss ahead of time if your intentions are to swap with another couple together, or if each person will be expected to fend for themselves. When one person decides to play, while the other is not connecting with anyone, how can you expect that person to be happy. This was something that should have been decided ahead of time. If someone does find themselves in this situation, it would be a good idea to talk about it after the fact, so it does not happen in the future.

What types of things might bother swingers that should be talked about?

Making love with your partner is something special between the two of you. What happens when you feel that your partner is “too much” with someone when they play? When your partner passionately kisses and locks eyes with someone else while in missionary position, does that bother you? When they lovingly play with someone’s hair after sex, does that feel too intimate? Does your partner do things when playing with someone else that you wish they would do with you? Does your partner encourage people to touch you without consenting you? Do they ever engage in sex with another couple and you are left to watch? If any of these things ring true, you must talk about it if you intend to continue in the lifestyle. Everyone’s feelings are valid. Even if you think your partner is over reacting or making something out of nothing, the problem must be discussed in order to avoid disaster.

Swinging does not come with a manual, so couples just wing it as they go.

It is true that swinging does not come with a manual, but it does require basic common sense. If most lifestyle excursions result in one person feeling hurt or confused, it is time to sit down and talk openly about what is happening. It is not ok to let it roll off your back until the next time. Nothing will change if you don’t set guidelines. If it bothers you when you partner dances with someone else and leaves you alone at the bar, speak up. If your partner spends hours talking with other couples in hopes of playing with them yet never looks to see if you’re on board, tell them. Does your partner flirt with every person they come into contact with? That’s great, unless it bothers you.

It is important to be crystal clear about what is ok and what is not.

Does your partner constantly make all the decisions when you swing? Couples must make joint decisions regarding the lifestyle if both are to be happy. If one partner calls all the shots, how can the other person be happy? Who you swing with, when you swing and where you swing should be something couples decide together. If your partner is not asking you what works for you, that is not a good sign. You must let your partner know what is ok and what is not.

Happy couples are couples who are on the same page.

If couples want to enjoy the lifestyle together, they must talk openly about swinging. Don’t expect your partner to know how you feel if you don’t tell them. If you have an open dialogue about where you are going and how you will swing, there are no surprises. If you communicate your feelings regarding single men and women, swinging side by side or in separate rooms, swinging with couples, etc., both of you will know what to expect.

Swinging can be a wonderful thing, but it can also be a very difficult thing to navigate. For couples who are completely open and honest with each other, their chances of success in the lifestyle are very high. If, however, you continue to expect your partner to read your mind and instinctively know how you are feeling, things will never go well. Honesty and open communication are key to enjoying the lifestyle. Once you and your partner understand what makes each other happy, and more importantly not happy, you will be able to relax and swing with confidence.