Lifestyle flags; what are they for?

Lifestyle Flags; what are they for?

Lifestyle flags have a definite purpose for swingers.  It seems that swingers are always looking for each other but would prefer to be discreet about identifying themselves. For this reason, the lifestyle jewelry is perfect. Wear the necklace or the bracelet, and nobody knows what it is if they are not in the lifestyle.

What about the times you are trying to call attention to yourself?  That is the purpose purpose of the lifestyle flags. The original concept was for beach goers. Whether in Fort Lauderdale at the nude beach (Haulover), at Hedonism in Jamaica, Desire in Mexico, in Tampa at Caliente or Paradise Lakes, in Cap D’agde in France, or any other swinger/nudist beach, the flag comes in very handy.  It has openings on each side for a pole so that remains open even when there is no wind.

We were at the beach recently (we live in Florida) and had our flag standing in the sand beside us. Within ten minutes of arriving on the beach, couples came over to talk to us. Some asked what the flag meant, others knew and wanted to say hi. Either way, we met a lot of people on the beach that day simply because  people saw the flag.

The neon color makes it very easy to spot. The picture of the bracelet with the logo, makes it apparent to swingers that we are there to meet other swingers. The best part is, it is very easy to see from quite a distance.  If people are not close enough to see our jewelry, they can easily see our flag.

Lifestyle Flag
Lifestyle Flag

Friends took the lifestyle flag on a lifestyle cruise recently and taped it to their cabin door. They were shocked at how many people came and knocked on their door to say hi. A lifestyle cruise (or resort) means there are both swingers and nudists present. The flag helps identify you to other swingers.

Another couple used their flag when meeting a group of swingers in the lobby of a hotel for a meet and greet. It was easy to spot, and nobody had to be afraid to approach them.   The flag made it obvious to others that they were approaching the right group of people without having to ask.

We have another friend who owns a boat.  They like to try to meet up with others in the lifestyle to dock and enjoy an afternoon. Sometimes outsiders drift over to try to join the fun but  without any kind of sign, nobody is sure if they are in the lifestyle and nobody ever wants to ask. They took some  lifestyle flags and started giving them out to swingers with boats. This way, they would be able to spot each other out on the water. It worked!  It eliminated the guess work.  They see the  lifestyle flag and they know who they can approach.

There are many reasons why the lifestyle flag is helpful. They are very durable and easy to use.

What will you use yours for?

Vaginas: They are sought after by so many, yet rarely spoken of.

Let’s talk about vaginas, shall we? It is something people rarely mention…

Vaginas are an integral part of our sex lives yet just saying the word seems to make people uncomfotable.   To test out this theory it seemed natural to talk with a group of swingers.  Swingers are such a great resource when sex is the topic. They are not afraid to be open and candid. If you want to know something that you have never been comfortable asking, regarding sex, ask a swinger. They might not have all the answers, but they will certainly give you any information they can! Why then, when they hear the word vagina, do even swingers giggle?

So what’s the deal with vaginas?

Just the word vagina makes people shy away. A Michigan lawmaker was banned from speaking in her state’s House of Representatives because she said the word “vagina.” Really?! Is the vagina not simply a female body part? Should she have called it a va jay jay? How about pussy or snatch? Better?

How about the tampon commercials? They are obviously dealing directly with vaginas yet they never once use the word. How is this possible? If you watch carefully, they don’t even make mention of the female genitalia; not even a “down there” reference. What’s up with that?


It makes people giggle and look at you like you are drunk when you say the word vagina.

There are so many nicknames for vagina that this should be a red flag right there! I have heard everything from penis snuggie, to tuna taco to honey pot, and those are some of the nicer ones. There are actually lists of names on the internet. Here are a few sites I found:

Name That Vajayjay: 40 Words For Every Situation


Not even swingers are comfortable using the word?

I asked a group of female swingers if they ever use the word in general. Whether while talking about sex or even with their gynecologist. Ready for this? They all answered no, it’s not a word they feel comfortable using. Really? Even for swingers? I asked if they were having a problem with their vagina, how would they refer to it while with their doctor? The most common answer: “down there.” One said she would actually say va jay jay to her doctor. I asked if he laughed and she said no.

Why do we need to use other words to describe it?

Is there a problem with the word vagina? Maybe we should consider simply changing the name to something that doesn’t make people so uncomfortable. Even after reading through some pretty ridiculous, yet hilarious names, I’m not sure what would be better: Cooch? Hooha? Snatch?

Is it the actual name of the organ that causes so much discomfort or is it the organ itself?

Men seem to take great pride in the fact that they have a penis. We see that from an early age and it seems to stay with them for their whole lives. Even as little boys, we see them touching it and playing with it as soon as they become aware of it. It’s rare that men shy away from an opportunity to take it out and show it off.

Why is it different for women? Is it the way we are brought up? Almost as if we are taught that it is something to be ashamed of? Why should something that is part of our sexual makeup, something that can make us feel so good, make us feel so ashamed?

Maybe it is time we gave vaginas a break. They do an awful lot for us! It’s time we stopped being embarrassed by them and started giving them the respect they deserve! I am even willing to bet that after reading the word vagina this many times, you are feeling slightest more comfortable with it. Right?


It’s funny how society accepts strip clubs but shuns swing clubs.

Although swing clubs have risen in popularity over the last decade, most remain underground.  Swinging is still illegal in many states.  Even today, the majority of couples who swing, do so discreetly, so their friends and family do not find out.  You often hear men boasting about their night out in a strip club but you never hear them talk about going to a swing club.
Unlike swing clubs,  strip clubs are prevalent in many cities.   They also tend to be quite visible with their purple neon lights and huge signs announcing the special dancers for the evening.  Although there are cities that do not allow them, many do.  As of 2005,  the global strip club industry was estimated to be worth  75 billion dollars, and that was ten years ago!  Clearly there is a huge demand for this type of adult entertainment.
Generally speaking, strip clubs employ young women who pay a fee to dance in the club and entertain the clients.   Although the majority of their clients are men, more and more women are currently customers in strip clubs.   The girls who work there charge a fee to dance privately for clients and encourage men to tip more by dancing close.  Many clubs allow physical contact but generally only by the dancers to the person they are dancing for.  Most do not tolerate men touching the dancers.
Having spent a good amount of time in strip clubs prior to entering the lifestyle, I recall watching many men regularly visit the same strip club and ask for “their girlfriend” to sit with them.  Over the course of the evening you can observe the men peeling off dollar bills (what probably amounts to a large part of their weekly paycheck) to keep their “girlfriend” by their side.  Many of the men wear wedding bands so clearly their wives are not a part of this scene.   Many strip clubs also have a “champagne room” where people pay several hundred dollars to be able to spend private time with the dancer or dancers of their choice.  I have been to several strip clubs where although they say no contact with the dancers, once in the back room, anything goes.
In contrast, a swing club does not “sell” sex and is mostly a place couples attend together.  Swing clubs not only respect couples, but generally ration the number of single men they allow entrance to, so the club is predominantly couples.  Most clubs do not permit single men to enter the club on weekend nights to cater strictly to couples in the club.  Swing clubs usually have a membership fee in addition to a nightly door charge.  All members are required to register, complete with drivers license, so there are never unknown patrons in the club.
Sex in a swing club is not for sale.  Although there is a door charge, most swing clubs operate like any other club.  There is a dance floor, bar, couches and bar chairs and more often than not, dinner, which is included in the door fee.  If it is an on premise club, there will be a specified location in the back room where couples can play.  There is no charge to use the back room (in most clubs) and couples generally meet each other prior to heading off to play in the back.  The environment is very respectful and everyone is aware of where their partner is and what they are doing.  Most of the time couples stay together while in the club.  When they decide to go in the back room, it is a mutual decision.
 When you stop to consider the differences between these two types of clubs, it makes you wonder.  Why are strip clubs trimmed in purple neon lights, with search lights and beams of light crossing the sky, to announce their presence while swing clubs are still tucked away in obscure locations, hiding behind names that do not reveal exactly what kind of establishment they are?
If people are honest and truly examine the mentality behind these two adult businesses, why would strip clubs be so widely accepted while swing clubs are still hidden?  Swing clubs generally attract married couples looking to explore erotic fun together with other married couples.  Strip clubs, on the other hand, cater more to men looking for a good time on their own.  Swing clubs are not associated with drug use and prostitution, while strip clubs are.  Would you rather have a strip club in your community?  Chances are, there is a community of swingers in every geographic area but they remain anonymous to those who are not in the lifestyle.  Many people would be surprised to learn that their lawyers, doctors and teachers are in the lifestyle.  Many couples who swing are successful business people.
Hopefully in the near future, just as society has become accepting of gay, lesbian and transgender people, they will begin to accept people in the lifestyle.  Perhaps as more people become curious about swinging and swing clubs, they will take the time to explore the people and the lifestyle.   Only then will they realize the community is made up of warm, friendly non judgmental people.  Not a bad group…

Katie, the flight attendant, is back to tell us more stories about meeting people because of the jewelry.

After running a flight attendant’s story about how she met others while wearing our jewelry, we reached out and asked her to tell us about another encounter.  She has had a few so we will run the stories as we recieve them. 

Hello again Partners ID! I was honored to hear that your readers wanted to hear more about my crazy life as a flight attendant! In my original email to you I was trying to keep it short so that you would read the whole thing. I’m sure you get a lot of stories so I tried to get right to the point.

As I mentioned in the first email, I not only met the passenger on the plane who showed me a good time in Hong Kong. I also met a few others because of your jewelry. All of them are great stories but today I will share my story about when a woman who works in security spotted my jewelry.

Even though I work for an airline, I still have to go through security just like every passenger does. The only difference is that I get to jump the line. About 2 months ago I was going through the metal detector on my way to the gate when I set it off. No matter what they tried, it kept going off. They called over a female agent to check me out. Just like for any passenger, she took out her wand and patted me down. She was very attractive and I was joking around with her about what it could be. She seemed very serious and told me I had to follow her into a screening room. I knew I had nothing to hide and I was early for my flight so I followed her all the while telling her she was wasting her time. She told me I would have to strip down to my underwear so she could figure out what was causing the metal detectors to continue to beep. I was in shock but didn’t really know what else to do. I took off my clothing and she stood in front of me. She reached up and cupped my necklace in the palm of her hand.

“This is why you are in here right now,” she said. I looked at her and she was smiling. She told me to be cool because there were cameras in the room but no audio. She slid her fingers inside the front of panties and told me that she too is a swinger and she loves women.

She told me I could get dressed (now that I was totally turned on). She a piece of paper into my hand with her phone number on it and told me to call her when I was back in town.

I sent her a text when I was back in town and we met at a bar for a drink. We talked about our experiences and the clubs we have been to. I invited her back to my place and she agreed. My husband was there and was more than happy to join us. Let’s just say it was a fun night!

She has a beautiful bracelet that she wore the night we met. Although she would like to wear it to work, she is not supposed to wear any jewelry. She laughed about how she has seen swingers pass through security many times but never says anything.

She agreed that without the jewelry, we would never know! I have a few stories that I will email to you when I have a few minutes.


Swinger term of the day: hall pass. What is it and can you trust it?

Swinger term of the day:  hall pass.  Class is now in session.

It seems that in order to understand  lifestyle lingo one needs a swinger dictionary.   There are so many terms that are used, that are unique to swingers, that sometimes it is hard to stay current.  For that reason class, today’s term of the day is “hall pass.”

Just as it was used in grade school, the childhood term does have something in common with the lifestyle.  In school, the hall pass basically resulted in students meandering aimlessly through the halls, when they were supposed to be heading in a specific direction for a specific purpose.  More often than not, children took advantage of these few minutes of freedom to peak through windows of other classrooms looking for friends, dilly dallying in the hallways and spending an inordinate amount of time in the bathroom for no real reason other than because they could.

For swingers, when they have a hall pass, it implies that their significant other has given them the green light to go out and be with someone on their own.  Sometimes the pass is given for a specific event or to be with a specific person, other times it is an open ended ticket to do whatever you please.  Just like in grade school, you are hoping the bearer of this pass will use it the way it was intended.  This takes a tremendous amount of trust and faith both in your significant other and your relationship.

There is no doubt that people who read this, who are not in the lifestyle, would think anyone who is willing to consider this has lost their mind.  However, although there are also swingers who would not be open to this, the majority will simply shrug their shoulders and think that whatever works for other couples is fine.

The term “swinger” is so broad, it can mean different things to different couples

Swingers all have their own set of rules and beliefs about what the lifestyle is and what it means to them.  There are so many variations of swingers, that sometimes the term seems too broad.  Some swingers are soft swap, some are same room, some are voyeurs, sadomasochists, bisexual, polyamorist, etc..  Whatever style of swinging a couple adapts to must work for them.

Sometimes swinging is an evolution of sorts.  Most couples start the lifestyle not swapping at all but rather getting a feel for what swinging is.  It is not uncommon for a couple who is new to the lifestyle to spend their first few encounters simply watching  others play.  They then might move on to touching, kissing and soft swapping.  Even when a couple is full swap, there are still rules and limitations that might apply to them as a couple.  Some couples never play separately, while others feel free to be in separate rooms.   Couples who have no problem separating to play would be the most likely to move on to the possibility of a hall pass.

Can you trust your significant other with a hall pass?

How safe is a hall pass?  That is a question that a couple would have to contemplate prior to making that move.  Many couples seem to feel that it is no different than any other type of swinging.  They say they can separate love and sex and continue to do this when they use their hall pass.  Some extend this permission to their significant other when one is traveling, some do it to play with a specific person or couple  and some say it is only used for special circumstances, such as birthdays or events such as that.

There are many couples in the lifestyle who argue that this is trouble waiting to happen, especially if the hall pass is always used to play with the same person.  There are many swingers who feel that swinging is something they do as a couple and as soon as it is done alone, it is no different from cheating.

What’s the difference between a hall pass and having an affair?

Is using a hall pass the same thing as cheating?  It depends on how this hall pass is used.  Swingers are generally very open with one another in their relationships.  It would seem only logical that when using a hall pass the person should tell their significant other of the intent to use it and then share the details of the event after the fact.   Most swingers agree that as long as they are talking about it, this is not cheating.   Let’s be clear that cheating would imply that you are doing something behind someone’s back.  If you are talking with your significant other about what you are doing and who you are doing it with, that honestly cannot be called cheating.

If we already swing, why do we need to do this?

A question one might have regarding this scenario is why would you want a hall pass if you are in a happily committed relationship?  If you are swingers, why not play together?  The answer is actually pretty simple.  Almost every couple in the lifestyle will attest, that it is almost impossible to find another couple where all four people are attracted to each other.  This problem is common in all venues of swinging.  The result is one or more persons “taking one for the team.”   Most swingers will agree that they have done this on occasion but vow never to do it again!

For some couples, the answer is to play separately.  This ensures they are both playing with people they choose.  Swingers who say they are open to hall passes, have no problem with the thought of their significant playing without them.  These swingers feel there is no difference between this and when they were swinging side by side; same concept.

Some swingers are not so sure.  Having sex with someone and spending time alone with them seems like a recipe for trouble.   They feel there is more danger of an emotional attachment and the possibility of beginning a relationship.  Their view is that swinging is something they must do as a couple, together.

Perhaps like every other part of the lifestyle, people have to choose what works for them.  Some remain side by side while others move to independent swinging.  It can all work for a couple as long as they are communicating and are on the same page.  As long as both people are open to what they are doing, where is the harm?  Just don’t dilly dally too long before returning home or you could lose the hope of another hall pass in the future!


In the lifestyle, asking your husband to give your partner a condom is normal.

Man holding a condom
Man holding condom

The lifestyle really changes the way swingers approach the topic of sex.  Having a conversation with a lifestyle friend  is likely to include something or other about sex.  With vanilla friends, regardless of how long you have known them, sex never comes up.   Imagine if you mentioned to a vanilla friend that last night your partner asked your husband for a condom so he could have sex with you.   Say what?

There is no doubt in my mind that anyone in the lifestyle who read that thought to themselves, ‘yeah, so?’   It is funny to realize how blasé we become about sex when we are in the lifestyle.  That is not to say that we don’t still enjoy it immensely, we just have a more relaxed attitude towards sex.  It would take an awful to shock us, as most of us have been there, seen that!   Before entering the lifestyle, most people cannot really imagine walking around naked in a club or at a party, much less having sex in front of a bunch of strangers!

Flipping tv channels the other morning I stumbled upon a talk show with Tyra Banks (had no idea she had a talk show).  They were talking about sex.  Actually, they were not really talking about sex.  They were talking about ‘talking about’ having sex.  As in, what do you tell your friends about your love life.  How open are you?  They were embarrassed just having this conversation.  Really?!  How prudish are people?  It’s 2017!  Have we evolved so little when it comes to being open about something as natural as sex?  Every adult is having sex!  Why is it so hush hush?  All the people on the panel agreed that some things should remain between couples and they moved on to another topic.

I was excited to discover, recently, that there is a channel on satellite tv that has a new sex show.  Having watched several sex shows from Canada, I looked forward to this.  The woman who hosts the show tries very hard to act as though she has no problem talking about sex.  Unfortunately, the way that she comes across, is as though she is terribly uncomfortable!  She speaks very quickly and her expression never changes.  She could be discussing anything.  The content of the show is equally disappointing.  Most stories are less than a minute and point to studies that have been done and what they tell us.  In Canada, they speak with real people who talk candidly about their experiences and how they feel.  The Canadian shows are very informative yet personal.

Perhaps Tyra is right, maybe our sex lives should remain behind closed doors.  Is that healthy?  That certainly was the way my generation was raised.  My husband once asked me if my parents liked having sex.  I just looked at him and said, “How on earth would I know?”  He was surprised and said that his parents certainly did and they were very open about it.  He is not American born so that explains a lot! He then asked about my siblings and again, I have no clue, it is not something we ever spoke about.

Why is sex such a taboo topic?  We all know when we see families with children that something fun happened to get those little kiddies!  How do we break this code of silence?  It is hard to imagine asking my children how their sex life is and I am in the lifestyle!

Realizing that perhaps this is an American phenomenon, I turned to my husband for answers.  Why is sex an open discussion amongst your family?  Is your family different from others?  One thing that makes this even more interesting is that he comes from a rather religious community and his family was very observant.  They did not believe in sex before marriage, abortion or masturbation so how is it this family is now able to talk freely about sex?

My husband pointed out that religion for both his family and the community where he was raised has somewhat waned in its importance over the years so that is no longer a factor.  He did point out that television played a rather large role in helping people to openly discuss topics regarding sex.  There are many shows that feature naked people talking about their bodies and many other shows discussing a variety of topics regarding sex itself.  When you are exposed to this, it becomes natural to talk about it.

He does find it rather interesting that the porn industry is so strong in America (much more so than in his country) and finds that a little hypocritical.  If people are so shy about sex, why is everyone watching porn?

With regard to my partner asking my husband for a condom last night, my husband was happy to oblige.  Like most swingers, he is happy when he sees me happy and vice versa.  Sex is a natural act and should be treated as such.  People in the lifestyle talk openly and freely about their sex lives, and over time, that has become a normal topic of conversation amongst us all.  That is probably one reason swingers tend to slowly move away from their vanilla friends.  You are no longer on the same page and when you try to bring up a topic regarding sex, watching them squirm becomes frustrating.

Everyone is not cut out to be in the lifestyle and that is normal.  What is not normal is treating sex like some taboo act that we should be embarrassed about.  If sex is good with your partner, what is the harm in sharing that thought?  If it is not good, maybe being able to discuss this with your friends would be helpful.

Hopefully, in the near future, Americans will open up and talk about sex as the natural act that it is.  We should not have to turn to porn or the internet to discover what others are doing.