Sex in Texas! A hotwife bank teller finds what she’s looking for!

Bank teller looking for sex

My husband and I have been married for 10 years and although I love him, I need more sex than he does.  At the beginning the sex was hot and often, but after a few years, he was happy to have sex twice a week.  For a while I simply satisfied myself, but after we discovered swinging, everything changed.  

Swinging woke him up sexually and that has been a positive for both of us.  More importantly is that I can go to a swing club and have sex with many men in one night.  My husband loves to watch and if he finds a woman he wants to play with, he likes to hear about what I was doing while he was busy.  

Although I love the sex I can have at a club, I discovered what I was really looking for was the freedom to have sex with other men.  As in, what I want, with who I want, when I want!  

I discussed this with my husband and he told me the thought of my meeting other men for sex was a huge turn on for him!  All he wanted was to hear all about it.  He suggested trying to video tape encounters on my phone so that he could watch what happens.  I wasn’t sure how many men would agree to this but I said I would do my best.

The only problem was, how to let men know that I am available.  I work in a bank and  I meet many men but flirting is frowned upon by management.  We had seen your jewelry before and decided that this would be a way to accomplish this!  Not only would I be able to let other swingers know that I am a swinger, but I love black men and so adding the queen of spade charm was perfect!

I did not meet someone right away but I got a lot of compliments on my necklace.  One of coworkers is obsessed with it which makes me laugh.  At first I thought maybe she was a swinger but she has no clue what it is.  

It took a while but finally I had a bite!  It was a regular customer and he simply handed me his deposit and his personal calling card together.  He smiled and told me to have a nice day.  I think I got wet just thinking about what this meant!  I sent him a text as soon as I was on a break and he responded right away!  He and his wife are swingers and they have an open marriage!  He is allowed to meet other women as long as he tells his wife!  

We met up for drinks the next night after work and headed right over to a motel nearby.  He was not open to the video idea but said my husband could listen in over the phone if that would make him happy.  The sex was incredibly hot and lasted quite a few hours.  We talked about the necklace and he asked about the extra charm.  I told him that I love black men (he is not) and he told me he knows quite a few from their circle of swingers.  He said he could ask them to call me if I liked.  This was unbelievable!  Needless to say, I was thrilled!

Long story short, I have been very busy after work and wanted to tell you that the jewelry definitely works!  

Hugs and kisses

Francesca

Dallas, TX

Check out the necklace this hotwife is wearing here:  https://www.swingersjewelry.net/product/spade/

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Infidelity and the lifestyle; how swinging helps couples avoid cheating on each other.

Happy couple clinking wine glasses
Happy couple clinking wine glasses

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

People who are not in the lifestyle, equate swinging with infidelity.  Obviously, for people who swing, this is absolutely untrue.   According to dictionary.com. infidelity means:

1.  marital disloyalty
2.  unfaithfulness
     Considering those two meanings, swingers are not being disloyal or unfaithful to their spouses.  Perhaps we should think of swingers as writng their own rules in their own marriages.  They have decided together, as a couple, to open their marriage to something more. Whether or not religious figures would agree that this is not adultery or infidelity is another topic altogether.

It is not uncommon to hear people who are not in the lifestyle to question why couples swing.  Besides that they imagine swingers to be perverted deviants, their perception of swingers is really off.  They have a hard time understanding why people would be open to having sex with someone other than their spouse.  More than that, they cannot fathom why swingers do not get upset with the fact that their significant others are doing this.

Let’s consider this:  if a department store invited you to visit anytime, and take what you needed for free, would you ever feel the need to steal something from them?   Silly question right?  How can you steal something if they are giving it to you for free?   Let’s say you are in school and need help on an exam and the teacher tells you anytime you don’t know an answer to just ask her and she will tell you. Would you need to copy off someone’s paper?  What would be the point?  The teacher has already offered the free help, right?  It is the same in the lifestyle.  Your partner offers to let you swing with other people, why would you need to do this behind their back?  That is not to say that it never happens because it probably does, but what it is the point?

It is very common when you speak with swingers to hear how surprised they were when they first entered the lifestyle to discover how in love swingers seemed to be.  It was exactly the opposite of what they had imagined.  If couples were so in love, what drove them into the lifestyle?  The best answer is probably honesty.

The relationship between a couple who chooses to swing has to be very open and honest.   In order to swing, they had to get to the point where they could admit that although they love each other, they would like to try something else.  It is normal for  couples to fall into a routine or rut with their sex life.  Some couples try to spice things up by watching porn, using toys, trying different positions or even going to strip clubs.  What happens when that is not enough?

For couples not in the lifestyle, unfortunately, they might look to someone else to fill that void.  Infidelity is exceptionally selfish.  One person in the couple chooses to find excitement that is lost with their partner while the other partner makes do with  the lack of fulfillment.  Sometimes both parts of the couple choose to be unfaithful to each other while maintaining  the facade of a wonderful marriage.  How long can that last?

When you consider the avenue swingers take, it seems more logical and loving.  Swinging is something couples do together.  They venture into the lifestyle as a couple not to find someone to replace their partner, but to find couples to spice up their sex life.  The excitement is something they experience together.  The only sneaking around these couples might be engaging in, is from their family and friends. Swinging creates a very strong bond;  you are naughty together.

When you consider the freedom that swinging brings to both members of the couple, who would feel the need to cheat?  Sure, there are always exceptions, but that shows a true character fault.  Generally speaking, swingers would agree that they have no reason to cheat.  Swinging helps them to avoid infedelity.

Many couples who have been in the lifestyle for many years reach different levels of comfort with separating while swinging.  Some couples have no problem allowing their significant other to play on their own while traveling or with friends they have met in the lifestyle.  They talk about how much pleasure they get just from hearing about the escapades of their partners.   The only request they make of each other is to tell them about what they do when they play on their own.  Some couples never separate and continue their swinging journey side by side.  Either way, the degree of trust and freedom is immeasurable compared with those not in the lifestyle.

Everyone is different and perhaps there are couples who never feel the desire to play outside their marriage.  It seems that number would be very low when you consider how rampant infidelity is.

My question to those not in the lifestyle is this:  why not try to explore together what both of you are secretly wishing for?  It is impossible to believe that every married adult at some point has not fantasized about having sex with someone else.  A neighbor, a  teacher, a coworker, someone famous or your spouse’s best friend.   The best part about swinging is that these are no longer secrets or fantasies!  You and your partner not only talk about what your sexual fantasies are, you experience them together.  What could be more honest and intimate than that?  That is what creates such a strong bond between swingers.   When you have everything you need at home, why would you need to go elsewhere?

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Swingers: Why is it a secret that you are in the lifestyle?

Why do swingers feel the need to keep their lifestyle a secret?  I frequently hear people say that nobody knows that they are in the lifestyle.  They would die if someone found out.   Why is that?  At first I wondered if these people were very religious, but they are not.  I wondered if their children were at an age that it would create confusion and uncertainty, but they are not.  Do they think they are doing something criminal or unethical?  They do not.  Hmm.  Would exposure embarrass them?   This question got a nod.   Embarrassed, why?

Admitting that you are a swinger should be a lot less traumatic than admitting you are having an affair, no?  After all, one is cheating and lying to someone you say you are in love with, the other is not.  Swingers are out having a great time, enjoying parties and events that others can only dream of.  Cheaters are sneaking around, worrying that at any moment they will be caught, which would certainly disrupt their lives and the lives of those around them.

I wonder how many swingers are truly living this lifestyle unbeknownst to their friends and family.  Probably not nearly as many as believe they are.  Often times I watch swingers arrive at a club clad in an over sized trench coat in the middle of the summer.  When I ask these women if their family or neighbors don’t find this strange they say they don’t think so.  Really?  It’s 90 degrees outside and you leave your house or condo wearing a trench coat cinched at the waste with stiletto heels and nobody thinks that’s odd?

Many swingers have said that when they finally decided to reveal the truth about their lifestyle, their friends and family members were not surprised.  Many said they had known about it for years but understood the swinger couple wanted to keep it to themselves.  (If these were the trench coat women, it’s no wonder people knew.)

What about the family and friends who were told, who did not know anything or suspect anything about the lifestyle?  Were they shocked and appalled?  Not according to the people I have spoken with.  Most said that more than anything, they were curious about swinging.  They asked a lot of questions but did not seem to have a negative reaction.  Many couples said that both friends and many family members (mostly siblings), eventually asked if they could tag along one night to see what it was all about.

Swingers would be surprised (or maybe not) to learn how connected the lifestyle is; even for people in some type of lifestyle related business.  The industry is comprised of the most friendly, warm and helpful group of people.  All of us have one goal, and that is to unite the lifestyle community. Most people I work with all say the same thing:  I am more interested in connecting people in the lifestyle than in making money.  Sure, it is a business, but it is also very personal.  Who wouldn’t want to be associated with such a genuine group of people?  Most of them have said that their families and friends know they are swingers and take it in stride.  They felt no judgement when they told others about it and feel completely comfortable that people know.

Like any other group, in order to gain acceptance, we must learn to stand up for what we believe in.  Swingers should not be ashamed of their lifestyle.  Obviously it is not necessary to divulge what you do when you are at a swing club, or party or other event, any more than you would give blow by blow (pun intended) details to others about what you and your significant other do in your bedroom.  No need to reveal that you participated in a gang bang with 15+ men last Saturday or tried double penetration for the first time and loved it.  Many swingers don’t swap, and many people in the lifestyle are not swingers.  Enjoying the warm atmosphere that accompanies the lifestyle is a wonderful thing and people should not have to hide from it.

There are many well known actors and singers who are open about their lifestyle choices and for some reason, people find this ‘normal’ and acceptable.  Why?  Why are they held to a different standard than the rest of us.  Because they are famous?   Even with their disclosure they are still sought after and some of them are highly influential people.

Revealing to others that you are open minded should not be a negative thing.  After all, if you think about it, being a part of the lifestyle really doesn’t mean more than that.   If your children or parents told you the same thing, would it concern you?  Sure, at first it might come as a surprise but would you be upset or concerned?  Probably not.

When we initially came up with the concept for the jewelry, we had just this vision in mind.  Wear the jewelry with pride.  First of all, others do not know what it means.  Secondly, even if they did, what does it really say about you?  That you are open minded, nothing more.

Let’s continue the movement to unite the lifestyle.  There is a lot to be learned from people who choose to be apart of it.  Honesty, respect and fun are the three hallmarks of the lifestyle.  What could be better than that?

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Swingers are often more happily married than other couples; here’s why.

Married swinger couple smiling
Married swinger couple smiling

 

One of the most important things in a marriage is trust. When you are in a committed relationship, you must be able to trust the other person. If you don’t, the marriage is doomed from the start. What is the biggest trust issue between married couples? What do they fear most that could destroy their marriage? Infidelity. If you are always suspicious that something is going on between your spouse and someone else, it is very hard to be happy.

Couples who are married do not spend 24 hours a day together. Most couples probably spend the majority of their days apart. Either one or both usually work and that takes them away for at least 8 hours each day. If you are always worrying that your spouse is either looking for someone else or is with someone else, that is a lot of time to be concerned with that. It probably escalates when your spouse is out of touch for a period of time and this probably results in accusatory comments or conversations.

Imagine if couples put that time and energy into something constructive. One of the benefits of swinging, is that there is no reason for couples to cheat on each other. The whole point of swinging is to have the ability to explore sex with other people without having to do it behind your partners back. I think most swingers would agree that they never worry that their partner is cheating on them. Why would they when they have a green light to sleep with other people on a regular basis? It would be like a grocery store telling you that everything in the store is free and the only catch is to let them see what you take before you leave. Would anyone feel the need to steal from them? I don’t see why they would when they have permission to take whatever they want.

Swingers are very connected couples for a variety of reasons. The lifestyle is all about having fun. Swing clubs try to promote a cohesive environment for their patrons. They offer discounts at the door if people dress in a certain costume each week, they offer different seating areas that promote meeting others and have parties regularly for different events and occasions. Lifestyle cruises and resorts have theme nights and parties to help guests to meet and interact with each other.

Swingers are always out looking for fun. They do things together as a couple and this keeps them happy. Marriage can be difficult and stressful and cause people to fall into a rut. Same routine day in and day out, bills, children, pressures at work can all create problems. One or both partners might be too tired to have sex or sex has become so routine and predictable that there is no longer any excitement for one or both members of the couple. If couples don’t put in the time and energy to find something exciting to do, eventually the marriage will be doomed.

This is where swingers have the advantage. They too, have pressures and stress at work and with bills and children. However, they make the time for themselves and each other. If they know they are going to a swing club or a party on the weekend, it gives them something to look forward to as a couple. Every experience is different but always exciting! It helps keep a balance in your life as the two of you look forward to fun adventures each weekend. It gives the two of you a naughty little secret that you can rehash during the week. Sex will never be dull and I believe most swingers would agree that they never think about having an affair. They have everything they need, why mess it up?

Swingers have a language all their own but do all swingers understand it?

Cute couple
Cute young couple in bed reading a dictionary

 

Swingers seem to have a language all of their own. They use terms that are common to them, but these terms leave others standing there scratching their heads. Terms as common to swingers as lifestyle or vanilla, can leave newbies or outsiders wondering what or who swingers are talking about.

Although swingers are aware that there are many terms we use to describe all things swing, there are many terms that even most swingers probably do not recognize. Thankfully, we have google and Siri to help us navigate and learn about things with the click of a button or the sound of our voice. Imagine how difficult things must have been for couples in the past, when they really had no way of learning these terms. The best they could do was to ask a swinger friend and hope they knew the answer!

I have been in the lifestyle for many years and I thought I was pretty well versed on swinger jargon. I was quite surprised when I went to look up a word I came across in an email and saw a list of words I had never heard before. My other surprise was that when I read some of the meanings, they did not mean the same things that I had known them to mean.

If different swinger terms mean different things to different couples, this could cause some problems!  Another issue is that when trying to be creative with acronyms, it can be very hard to remember what each one stands for.  A good example is a couple playing next to us one night asked the couple they were with about ATM.  I remember wondering why on earth they would be talking about an ATM in the back room of a swing club. Clearly, the couple that was asked was just as confused. We later discovered that ATM stands for “Ass To Mouth”.

Another time we heard a couple ask another if they were into MOM. We looked at each other and we were both like, what? Mom? Who’s mom? Turns out, MOM means man on man. I wondered: why not just ask if the man is bisexual? Why do swingers need to complicate things?

There are more swinger terms than any one person could ever possibly remember! For this reason I decided to investigate just how many there are. Not only are there more than one hundred terms, different sites have different lists of words. I realized that for swingers to be able to remember every swinger term, they must either download a list to their cell phone or carry a swinger dictionary with them to all lifestyle events.

Here are a few swinger terms I came across; how many of these do you know?

Moose Knuckles: Male organs showing through clothes at the crotch

Felching: which involves sucking semen out of any orifice it has been deposited in, usually the anus.

Swedish Cultures: The exclusive and talented use of the hands to stimulate sexual arousal; masturbation.

Frotteurism: A fetish that involves rubbing up against an unsuspecting or unwilling person.  (Sounds like a good prank for the Ellen Show)

High Dive: When you pull your erect penis all the way out of your partner (whether it be her vagina or anus) and then penetrate her in one fell swoop

Split Roast: An act done by three people (usually a woman and two men, but the concept works with all homosexual males as well), in which the person in the center is penetrated in the vagina or ass by one partner, while performing oral sex on the other.

These are just a few of the terms I found on this website: http://lsota.com/Terms.htm. Another interesting list is available on this site: http://denverswingers.org/swingers-terms-glossary. I especially enjoyed a term they originated: bi selfish,  a woman who likes to receive oral from same sex but WILL NOT reciprocate.

My recommendation for swingers would be to make sure when you are trying to let others know what you want or like, or don’t want or like, say it in plain English (or whatever language you speak)! Using acronyms and swinger terms can be confusing, especially when the terms mean different things to different people.

The other problem with some swinger acronyms is that some people take offense to them. I read on a couple’s profile that the M (man) does not like bear claws… I was obviously confused. I looked it up and discovered it refers to a woman’s unusually large labia (vaginal lips). Is that a thing? Is this so common that we must learn to avoid it? Before you know it women will start saying they don’t want to meet men with a large Japs eye: Slang term for the small opening at the end of a man’s penis where urine and sperm comes out.

Another acronym that some people take offense to is BBW: Big Beautiful Woman; Referring to women that may not be their “ideal” weight, but are comfortable with the size that they are. I checked the list but not see BBM. Is this not why swinger profiles have photos? Do we need to use the term for something that we can easily see?

What about BBC: Big Black Cock. Although we all know that interracial play is very popular in the lifestyle, some people take offense to the term.

I understand that in order to get our desires and interests across in a profile, sometimes an acronym is more polite than writing the actual words. However, when in a swinging situation, instead of using terms that others may or may not be familiar with, it is probably safer to just explain what you are looking for. Just remember that even a term as common as soft swap, means different things to different people. Perhaps it is always better to clarify what you mean so there is no misunderstanding.

Remember, the key to swinging is communication.

 

 

 

 

 

 

What would you do if people discovered you are a swinger?

     What if people in your neighborhood, at your child’s school, at your place of worship or at work suspected you were a swinger?  They probably would not know for sure unless they have spotted you at a swinger club or lifestyle event.  In that case, they were there too so it would be ok.  But what if they see or hear something that puts you in a spot that makes denying it very difficult? Would you admit to it or try your hardest to contest what people are pretty sure they know about you?

We were out to dinner a few weeks ago with a couple we often hang out with who are in the lifestyle.  My partner and I stepped outside for a smoke.  When we came back inside, the table was still not ready so we went to the bar. I had looked for a mint when we walked back inside but did not see any.  I asked my partner if he had a piece of gum but he did not.  Our male friend, turned to me and said, “Here, take mine.”  I thought nothing of it.  I put my mouth up to his and he popped the gum into my mouth.  No big deal, right?   I mean I play with this guy all the time; we have done worse.   Wrong.  You know when you have that sense that someone is looking at you?  I turn my head and across the bar I see some vanilla friends and they are all staring at me with their mouths open.  All I could think of was that there is absolutely nothing I can say that would fix this.  I am usually pretty good at thinking quickly in tight spots but I have to tell you, I had nothing!  During dinner, the four of us spent at least 30 minutes after sitting down at our table trying to think of something I could say to make what they witnessed appear normal.  We could not come with anything!  We decided to avoid them at all costs while at the restaurant and hope they would forget about it.  They did stop by our table to say hello but nobody said anything.

I would like to be able tell you that I was able to think of something to say about this when I ran into one of the girls from the bar the following week while picking up my kids from school. Unfortunately I could not think of anything to say that would make that one moment appear normal. What could I possibly tell her that would make this all go away?  I decided to ignore it and hope she would not mention it.  No such luck.  Within the first two minutes of our conversation she questioned me about the couple we were with that evening.    I told her they are old friends of mine from high school.  She then mentioned what she saw.    I did what any good swinger would do; deny, deny, deny.  I laughed and told her she was crazy.  I even threw in an “Ew!  Why would I do that?  That’s just gross!”   The look on her face told me she did not believe a word I had said.

Many years ago, we spent a wild Saturday night in a swing club where we played with a couple and had a lot of fun.   The next day, I was a bit hung over, but as we all know, children really do not care how you are feeling when they want to do something.  As promised, I took my daughter to the mall to look for  a dress for an upcoming party.  We walked into a store and who is in there but the woman from the previous night that we had played with.  She was there with her daughter shopping as well.  She turned and spotted me as we walked into the store and smiled and said hello.  We talked for a moment and then we both turned our attention back to our girls.  I overheard her daughter ask her mother who I was and how she knew me.  I laughed to myself and thought:  I screwed the heck out of your dad last night, that’s how your mom knows me!  My daughter said nothing at the time but later mentioned in the car that she thought it was odd that I have friends that she has neither heard about or met.  I assured her that as parents it is normal for us to know people that she does not, but I could see from her expression that she felt something was not quite right.

We went with a lifestyle couple to a restaurant years ago that was off the beaten path figuring we would not see anyone we know.   It was very small and very hard to find but it was nice and cozy inside.  We sat at the bar while we waited for a table.  I sat next to the man from the other couple and my husband sat next to his wife.  We had a few drinks and laughed as a group,  all the while the man had his arm draped behind my back and was playing with my hair.  The hostess came over and let us know our table was ready.  We all stood up from the bar and  turned around.  At the table right behind where we were sitting was a girl who worked at the front desk where I get my hair done.  Sitting beside her was a friend who lives in my neighborhood and is the biggest gossip I know.  They pretended not to see me so I did the same.  Once again, I could not even think of anything I could say, so I said nothing.  I think it was that night that I decided that there was a very high probability that people in my town knew I was a swinger.

When I came to the realization that people in my community probably at least suspect that I am in the lifestyle, I thought about it long and hard.  I tried to imagine what they were thinking.  I imagined that they envisioned the same thing that I had prior to entering a swing club for myself.  Older men with polyester shirts open to their navel, touching girl’s asses as they walk by; middle aged women trying desperately to appear young and sexy with their fishnet dresses revealing pudgy bodies while teetering around in stiletto heels.  Where does she fit into this picture, I am sure they would be wondering.  No doubt they were picturing groups of people groping each other on dirty mattresses, again, trying to envision me in the midst of the sweaty insanity.  In my own mind, I know that this is a completely inaccurate description of any swing club I have ever been to.  Swing clubs have become beautiful, upscale clubs with very accomplished, successful and attractive couples; not at all what one would imagine if they have never been to one.  More importantly is that I decided that although I will never share my private life with the curiosity seekers who live near me, I am not ashamed to be a swinger.  This is the lifestyle we have chosen and we have never been happier.  When you discover the excitement, the fun, the friends that you find in the lifestyle there is no turning back.  I look at vanilla couples as people who are missing out on something truly wonderful.  It is not so much about the sex as much as it is about the lifestyle as a whole.  It is so liberating to lead such an open and honest life with your partner!  We are a team, we are partners in crime, we have secrets together, not from each other.  Maybe that is why swingers tend to stay in relationships longer; they have no reason to leave.

Being a swinger is like having an open door to live out your sexual fantasies!

truckblonde   Everyone has a fantasy of some sort.  Everyone has at least one sexual fantasy.  Most people probably have a repertoire of sexual fantasies.  How many people have ever told someone what their fantasies are?  For people who are not in the lifestyle, the thought of exposing these fantasies to anyone is impossible to imagine.  Perhaps for some people this is something they discuss with close friends but how many people would tell their partner?  Should this not be a part of an intimate relationship?  Are people fearful that their partner will laugh?  Be appalled?  Be scared?

What are sexual fantasies and why are they so common?  There are an endless amount of sexual fantasies that are common among men and women.  Although they tend to vary between sexes some themes are more common than others.  Some of the more common sexual fantasies are:

  1.  Having sex with someone you know, either a coworker, boss, employee, neighbor, friend, etc.
  2.  Something in the fetish category:  whips and chains, spanking and dominating, submissive sex, etc.
  3.  Having sex in public
  4. Exhibitionism – having others watch you having sex
  5. Voyuerism – watching others having sex
  6. Multiple partners — having sex with more than one person
  7. Gang bangs — either watching or being watched
  8. Masturbating oneself while their partner watches
  9. Girl on girl action — men and women both seem to want this!

You get the point!  The list could go on and on…

Do pent up fantasies contribute to people having affairs outside of their marriage?  Perhaps they do.  This is where swingers benefit!  If most people in the lifestyle were to look at the list above, they would agree that they have participated in many of those fantasies and more.  What is more wonderful than turning fantasy into reality?  Especially when you are engaging in these fantasies with your partner or with your partner nearby?  This is what helps build an open, honest relationship.  No secrets!  How wonderful to be able to open that door with the person you love and share it!

When couples are swingers, every lifestyle event holds promise of a new and exciting adventure.  New people, new situations, new fantasies.  There is no longer a need to make up scenarios secretly in your mind while having sex with your partner.  As every couples knows, there are only so many different positions and so many rooms in your house to have sex in.  After many years together it becomes more and more difficult to think of ways to keep things exciting.  It’s not that you don’t love your partner, it’s that sex can become routine and boring.  Imagine if the two of you were to discuss your secret fantasies.  Better yet, imagine if the two of you went out and tried to fulfill them together.

What could be more exciting than that?

 

With 31 gender identities, how will swingers know who the single guys are?

gender identity

After watching the MTV movie awards I was left considering the category for “Best Actor.” Seemingly, this is not a new category, but apparently, it is. Best actor no longer refers to a man. It is a category to find the person who had the best performance. I wondered out loud why not best actor or actress but soon realized that times have changed and apparently there are currently (according to New York City) 31 gender identities. Yes, you read that right, 31. So in order to keep things simple, they call it best actor award.

Notably, the person who handed out this award, was Billions star Asia Kate Dillon, who identifies as gender non-binary (someone who doesn’t use specific gender pronouns, like “he” or “she”). Asia also plays a non-binary character on the show.

So what does this have to do with swinging? Well, for starters it made me think about how that would work at a swing club. The confusion would begin at check in. To begin with, swing clubs restrict single men to only a few nights a week. They do not accept men on Saturdays or Sundays. Single men can pay as much as $100 to get into a swing club, where single women are welcome every night and only pay about $10 — $15, depending on the club.

Let us now imagine that each state accepts 31 gender identities. That would mean that they must be treated equally. Fair enough but what happens when someone comes to sign in and they are not male or female but are “gender queer” or maybe “two-spirit”. Are they allowed in every night? If they are, do they pay $15 or $100?

With 31 gender identities to choose from, this could be both confusing and time consuming. The front desk would have to learn about each of the terms so that they would know how to handle each one according to the new rules that the clubs will need to address.

To see a list of the 31, click here
https://heatst.com/culture-wars/here-are-the-31-gender-identities-new-york-city-recognizes/

 

Finally the new person has entered the swing club and is ready to have a good time. The good thing about swingers is they are tolerant and open minded. This however, might be uncharted territory for some. Not because they are not open, but because it is new. When a couple is approached by a person who is not clear about their gender, this could be confusing.

Traditionally speaking, most swing clubs have men and women. Many people come to swing clubs looking for new experiences. Women wanting to play with other women and even some men are looking to play with other men. However, when confronted with a person who identifies as neither man nor woman, this could be awkward. Without knowing which gender the person is, both the man and woman would have to be open to anything. There are many men who enjoy watching their wife or girlfriend play with another woman, but they are not open to playing with another man.

I suspect the reason that this whole gender crisis would be of concern to swingers is because sex is involved. We cannot pretend that when sex is on the table, we don’t care who we are having it with. Swingers can be open minded, tolerant and inclusive as human beings, but as sexual beings, it is a bit more complicated. Most people want to know, before they are in a compromising position, who their partner is, and what type of sex they are capable of. It has nothing to do with prejudice or judging people, it has to do with plain old anatomy. A person who has male body parts, but identifies as a woman, might not be a good fit for a man who is straight. Even when a man seems completely interested in someone in the front of the club, if he has not been told that the person he is talking to is transgender or cross dressing, he does not have all the facts to make a decision. Same goes for a woman in a similar situation.

How do we fix this? Does this become part of the early night conversation? Will it become impossible to know what sex someone is without asking them?

I think we can all agree that everyone should be free to live life in a way that is comfortable for them. We don’t want to discriminate against anyone for any reason at all. As the LGBTQ community has gained acceptance, people have become more comfortable expressing themselves openly both in their private and public lives.

I’m sure over time we will continue to see more people in the lifestyle with different gender identities and sexual preferences. It might be a little confusing at first, but I’m sure we will figure it out as we go.

We welcome your thoughts and comments on this…

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Swinging is not for everyone. Some people need a little push to get started.

Swinging is not something everyone is open to.  Sometimes people need alittle push to get their toes wet in the swinger world. Here is one such story from a customer:

Dear Partners ID,

This is probably a little different from the emails you get from other swingers. I am actually not a swinger (soon to be, as my husband would say).

A few years ago my husband brought up the subject of swinging to me. He was very quiet about it at first but over time he started to push me. I have to be honest; I had zero interest in the whole idea. We have two young children and they are my priority. Most weekend night I am happy to stay home and watch a movie with my kids. My husband, is exactly the opposite. He would go out 7 nights a week if I agreed.

Anyway, after he started to push me towards experimenting with swinging and I was very confused by the whole idea. I felt inadequate, like I was not enough for him and he was looking for something else. He tried on several occasions to take me to a swing club but I was not open to the whole idea.

For Christmas he bought me a beautiful necklace with an interesting pendant. I put it on and thought nothing of it. I proudly showed it off to my parents and friends and everyone loved it.

One night we went out for dinner and when we were having dessert, a couple approached us at our table. I looked at my husband to see if he knew them but I could tell from his expression that he did not. The woman pointed to my necklace and showed me that she had a bracelet with the same pendant. I laughed at the coincidence but had no idea that it meant something! They asked if they could join us and as they were so friendly, we agreed. We actually had a wonderful time talking and laughing with them. After we were finished, we exchanged phone numbers and said we would get together soon.

On the ride home I was telling my husband how nice it was to meet a couple as nice as they were. It was then that he told me about the jewelry. At first I was upset that he let me walk around with it not even knowing what it meant. Then I realized that it helped us to meet a couple who seemed so normal.

They sent us a text the next morning and asked us if we wanted to meet them for dinner during the week. I hesitated because I wasn’t sure what they would be expecting. I decided to call her and tell her the truth. She couldn’t have been nicer! She said no problem, dinner was all they were expecting.

We met them for dinner and had a wonderful time. I loved how easy they were to talk to. I felt like we could talk about anything, which is not the case with our other friends. They told us stories about swinging that made me laugh so hard that my stomach hurt.

After dinner when we were leaving, she pulled me aside and told me that if I was ever interested in exploring playing with either a girl or a guy, we should call them. She said they would be happy to make it a comfortable experience with no strings attached. If I felt ok with it we could try, if not, that would be ok as well.

She kissed me goodbye on the lips and I was shocked and a little turned on all at the same time. In the car on the way home by husband was all smiles. I had to agree that the thought of kissing her again was on my mind.

We have plans to go to their house tonight. I don’t know what will happen, but I wanted to let you know that if I hadn’t been wearing the necklace, this would never have happened. I am still wearing it so maybe I am ready to try swinging!

xoxo
Cassidy

Lifestyle flags; what are they for?

Lifestyle Flags; what are they for?

Lifestyle flags have a definite purpose for swingers.  It seems that swingers are always looking for each other but would prefer to be discreet about identifying themselves. For this reason, the lifestyle jewelry is perfect. Wear the necklace or the bracelet, and nobody knows what it is if they are not in the lifestyle.

What about the times you are trying to call attention to yourself?  That is the purpose purpose of the lifestyle flags. The original concept was for beach goers. Whether in Fort Lauderdale at the nude beach (Haulover), at Hedonism in Jamaica, Desire in Mexico, in Tampa at Caliente or Paradise Lakes, in Cap D’agde in France, or any other swinger/nudist beach, the flag comes in very handy.  It has openings on each side for a pole so that remains open even when there is no wind.

We were at the beach recently (we live in Florida) and had our flag standing in the sand beside us. Within ten minutes of arriving on the beach, couples came over to talk to us. Some asked what the flag meant, others knew and wanted to say hi. Either way, we met a lot of people on the beach that day simply because  people saw the flag.

The neon color makes it very easy to spot. The picture of the bracelet with the logo, makes it apparent to swingers that we are there to meet other swingers. The best part is, it is very easy to see from quite a distance.  If people are not close enough to see our jewelry, they can easily see our flag.

Lifestyle Flag
Lifestyle Flag

Friends took the lifestyle flag on a lifestyle cruise recently and taped it to their cabin door. They were shocked at how many people came and knocked on their door to say hi. A lifestyle cruise (or resort) means there are both swingers and nudists present. The flag helps identify you to other swingers.

Another couple used their flag when meeting a group of swingers in the lobby of a hotel for a meet and greet. It was easy to spot, and nobody had to be afraid to approach them.   The flag made it obvious to others that they were approaching the right group of people without having to ask.

We have another friend who owns a boat.  They like to try to meet up with others in the lifestyle to dock and enjoy an afternoon. Sometimes outsiders drift over to try to join the fun but  without any kind of sign, nobody is sure if they are in the lifestyle and nobody ever wants to ask. They took some  lifestyle flags and started giving them out to swingers with boats. This way, they would be able to spot each other out on the water. It worked!  It eliminated the guess work.  They see the  lifestyle flag and they know who they can approach.

There are many reasons why the lifestyle flag is helpful. They are very durable and easy to use.

What will you use yours for?