Swingers have a reputation for being degenerates. People don’t have a very high opinion of swingers. Perhaps people are afraid of what they don’t understand.
It would surprise many vanilla people to realize that they already know people who swing. In fact, it would shock them, to know which ones they are. Chances are, the real swingers would not even make the list of suspects.
Prior to entering the lifestyle, I tried to imagine who I might bump into if we went to a swing club. I was certain that there would be people I know simply because of the proximity of the club to our home. Finally, we did work up the courage to go. Although we knew a handful of people at the club, not one was someone I would have suspected! In fact, there were a few couples I never imagined I would see at a swing club.
I had heard rumors about a certain neighborhood close to my own where swingers were rampant. Supposedly, there was a key club that existed and new members had to be approved in order to join. The group met at a popular restaurant-bar on Thursday evenings to choose new members. Having gone to that restaurant on many Thursday nights to observe, I was certain that these were the people I would see at the club.
Thankfully, I was wrong. The couples at the bar were not the type of people I wanted to spend time with. They were all loud, obnoxious, and very sure of themselves. Were they actually there to join a key club? I’m not so sure. It’s very possible that people came to this conclusion because they were all very drunk and dressed provocatively.
The interesting thing about “real” swingers, is that they are often the last people you would suspect. Many are sexy, full of life, and confident in the lifestyle but reserved and quite ordinary in their daily lives. Swingers frequently laugh about how others think of them as leading boring, conservative lives. Even when others ask what they did that weekend, and they say outrageous things. “Oh, I watched my wife screw 2 guys while I had 2 girls for myself at our home.” Friends laugh at them and say things like, “Yeah right,” or “You wish!”
Swingers are frequently forced to endure nasty and uneducated comments regarding swingers and the lifestyle. At times, vanilla couples throw out comments about how disgusting swinging is and how people who swing are pathetic. They are certain that swingers are in bad marriages and looking to have sex with anyone but their own spouses. It can be very difficult to bite your tongue when people are talking about you. You know the truth about swinging, but most of us choose to remain silent or nod in agreement while feeling angry inside.
Even when swingers attempt to defend the lifestyle while feigning innocence, vanilla couples can be difficult to convince. It often leaves me wondering if they are angry. Perhaps they would like to be brave enough to try swinging and their spouse is against it. Maybe they are interested but not sure if they could handle it. Why else would vanilla people bring up the subject?
These kinds of situations often reinforce the need for swingers to distance themselves from the vanilla community. Discrimination is difficult for anyone to handle, especially when you are hiding the truth to protect yourself. It is hard to not want to educate every person who makes degrading remarks regarding swingers.
Often times, vanilla couples bring up the subject of swinging. Perhaps they are actually interested in swinging but don’t know how to approach the subject. Although they act like it is something that repulses them, it is in fact done defensively. Many couples have discussed it but want to see how others feel about it. The fear is that if they speak of it in a positive or curious light, others will suspect they are swingers. My suggestion for these couples would be to investigate swinging on your own. Chances are your vanilla friends are not on the same page.
Until swinging becomes more mainstream, we will have to continue with our sarcastic comments and innuendos. When packed for a lifestyle cruise with a small carry on for one week at sea and someone asks, we will continue to say it’s a lifestyle cruise and we don’t need clothing. When coworkers ask what we did over the weekend we will keep on describing the orgies we participated in while listening to them snicker. We will keep on listening to friends tell us we need to get out more that our lives are so boring that if we were a tv show it would be canceled. When friends inform us that sex was meant to be fun when we were younger, we will remember to tell them that we had sex outside the front door last night because we couldn’t wait to get inside.
Although it can be difficult to keep such a large part of our lives a secret, for most swingers, it must be done. Until society understands the lifestyle and accepts swinging, people run the risk of discrimination. Best to keep a sense of humor about it and feel sorry for those who are missing out. It stands to reason that it is just a matter of time before swinging becomes mainstream.