Swingers: Why is it a secret that you are in the lifestyle?

 

Woman hiding under a hat wearing Partners ID lifestyle jewelry

 

Here it is, the year 2019!  Happy New Year!

It is normal to end one year and to begin a new one with some self reflection.  What you accomplished, what you did not, and to think ahead to the upcoming year.  Perhaps some of you make new years resolutions.  Whatever the case, it is normal to think about life during this time.

What are you hoping for this new year?

What do you hope this new year will bring?  Obviously, we all want world peace and good health.  Many wish for prosperity and other such things.  This is normal.  While I too, wish for these things, I also find myself continually asking myself about the things that never seem to change.  Sure, politics come to mind but that is another subject entirely.  For me, I cannot help but wonder why swinging is still seen as something taboo.  What on earth are we so ashamed of?

Are people still afraid to let others know that they are in the lifestyle?

Why do swingers feel the need to keep their lifestyle a secret?  I frequently hear swingers say that nobody knows that they are in the lifestyle.  They would die if someone found out.   Why is that?  What do people think when they hear someone they know is a swinger?  It reminds me of the time before I had ever had sex.   I couldn’t imagine how you could face the person you had sex with afterwards.  What would they think after they had seen you in such a compromising way?  How would others see you? Obviously I discovered that these fears were unfounded.  Nobody seemed to look at me any differently, and facing the guy who I was with was no problem.  So what is it that makes us fear discovery?

 What is it that swingers fear about exposure?

Curiousity got the best of me and so I started to ask swingers.  I asked a group of swingers if they are very religious, but they are not.  I wondered if their children were at an age that it would create confusion and uncertainty, but they are not.  Do they think they are doing something criminal or unethical?  They do not.  Hmm.  Would exposure embarrass them?   This question got a nod.   Embarrassed? Why?  In truth, swingers are doing something that most people wish they could do.  They have sex with others and it doesn’t destroy their marriage.  Why?  Because two consenting adults have agreed to enter into this together.  There are no lies or secrets.

Would friends and family alienate you if they found out you were having an affair?

Admitting that you are a swinger should be a lot less traumatic than admitting you are having an affair, no?  After all, one is cheating and lying to someone you say you are in love with, the other is not.  Cheaters sneak around, worrying that they will be caught.   Getting caught would disrupt their lives and the lives of those around them.  Swingers, on the other hand, are out having a great time together.  They are out enjoying parties and events with their significant other.  This is something that others only dream of.

I wonder how many swingers are truly living this lifestyle unbeknownst to their friends and family.  Probably not nearly as many as believe they are.  Often times I watch swingers arrive at a club clad in an over sized trench coat in the middle of the summer.  When I ask these women if their family or neighbors don’t find this strange they say they don’t think so.  Really?  It’s 90 degrees outside and you leave your house or condo wearing a trench coat cinched at the waste with stiletto heels and nobody thinks that’s odd?

What happens to couples who come clean about the lifestyle?

Many swingers have said that when they finally decided to disclose to friends and family that they were swingers, many were not surprised.  Many said they had known about it for years but understood the swinger couple wanted to keep it to themselves.  (If these were the trench coat women, it’s no wonder people knew.)

What about the family and friends who did not suspect this person or couple was in the lifestyle?  What was their reaction?  Were they shocked and appalled?  Not according to the people I have spoken with.  Most said that more than anything, they were curious about swinging.  They asked a lot of questions but did not seem to have a negative reaction.  Many couples said that both friends and many family members (mostly siblings), eventually asked if they could tag along one night to see what it was all about.

Stop apologizing for your lifestyle choices; it’s your life and your decision to make.

Like any other group, in order to gain acceptance, we must learn to stand up for what we believe in.  Swingers should not be ashamed of their lifestyle.  Obviously it is not necessary to divulge what you do when you are at a swing club, or party or other event.  Most people do not give blow by blow (pun intended) details to others about what they do in their bedrooms.  No need to reveal that you participated in a gang bang with 15+ men last Saturday. Nobody needs to know that you tried double penetration for the first time and loved it.  Many swingers don’t swap, and many people in the lifestyle are not swingers.  Enjoying the warm atmosphere that accompanies the lifestyle is a wonderful thing and people should not have to hide from it.

Why do people find it acceptable to learn that many famous couples are swingers?  Why are they held to a different standard than the rest of us.  Because they are famous?   Some are highly influential people and they do not deny that they are swingers.  Famous people frequently answer questions about their lifestyle and seem quite comfortable doing so.

What does wearing lifestyle jewelry actually say about you?

Wearing our jewelry means that you are open minded.  If you think about it, being a part of the lifestyle really doesn’t mean more than that.   If your children or parents told you the same thing, would it concern you?  Although it might surprise you, you would  be happy to see them happy.

When we initially came up with the concept for the jewelry, we had just this vision in mind.  Wear the jewelry with pride.  First of all, others do not know what it means.  Secondly, even if they did, what does it really say about you?  It says that you are an open minded person.

Let’s continue the movement to unite the lifestyle.  People in the lifestyle could really teach others a lot about relationships.  Honesty, respect and fun are the three hallmarks of the lifestyle.  What could be better than that?

To see our collection of lifestyle jewelry click here:  https://www.swingersjewelry.net/jewelry-for-swingers/page/2/

With 31 gender identities, how will swingers know who the single guys are?

gender identity

After watching the MTV movie awards I was left considering the category for “Best Actor.” Seemingly, this is not a new category, but apparently, it is. Best actor no longer refers to a man. It is a category to find the person who had the best performance. I wondered out loud why not best actor or actress but soon realized that times have changed and apparently there are currently (according to New York City) 31 gender identities. Yes, you read that right, 31. So in order to keep things simple, they call it best actor award.

Notably, the person who handed out this award, was Billions star Asia Kate Dillon, who identifies as gender non-binary (someone who doesn’t use specific gender pronouns, like “he” or “she”). Asia also plays a non-binary character on the show.

So what does this have to do with swinging? Well, for starters it made me think about how that would work at a swing club. The confusion would begin at check in. To begin with, swing clubs restrict single men to only a few nights a week. They do not accept men on Saturdays or Sundays. Single men can pay as much as $100 to get into a swing club, where single women are welcome every night and only pay about $10 — $15, depending on the club.

Let us now imagine that each state accepts 31 gender identities. That would mean that they must be treated equally. Fair enough but what happens when someone comes to sign in and they are not male or female but are “gender queer” or maybe “two-spirit”. Are they allowed in every night? If they are, do they pay $15 or $100?

With 31 gender identities to choose from, this could be both confusing and time consuming. The front desk would have to learn about each of the terms so that they would know how to handle each one according to the new rules that the clubs will need to address.

To see a list of the 31, click here
https://heatst.com/culture-wars/here-are-the-31-gender-identities-new-york-city-recognizes/

 

Finally the new person has entered the swing club and is ready to have a good time. The good thing about swingers is they are tolerant and open minded. This however, might be uncharted territory for some. Not because they are not open, but because it is new. When a couple is approached by a person who is not clear about their gender, this could be confusing.

Traditionally speaking, most swing clubs have men and women. Many people come to swing clubs looking for new experiences. Women wanting to play with other women and even some men are looking to play with other men. However, when confronted with a person who identifies as neither man nor woman, this could be awkward. Without knowing which gender the person is, both the man and woman would have to be open to anything. There are many men who enjoy watching their wife or girlfriend play with another woman, but they are not open to playing with another man.

I suspect the reason that this whole gender crisis would be of concern to swingers is because sex is involved. We cannot pretend that when sex is on the table, we don’t care who we are having it with. Swingers can be open minded, tolerant and inclusive as human beings, but as sexual beings, it is a bit more complicated. Most people want to know, before they are in a compromising position, who their partner is, and what type of sex they are capable of. It has nothing to do with prejudice or judging people, it has to do with plain old anatomy. A person who has male body parts, but identifies as a woman, might not be a good fit for a man who is straight. Even when a man seems completely interested in someone in the front of the club, if he has not been told that the person he is talking to is transgender or cross dressing, he does not have all the facts to make a decision. Same goes for a woman in a similar situation.

How do we fix this? Does this become part of the early night conversation? Will it become impossible to know what sex someone is without asking them?

I think we can all agree that everyone should be free to live life in a way that is comfortable for them. We don’t want to discriminate against anyone for any reason at all. As the LGBTQ community has gained acceptance, people have become more comfortable expressing themselves openly both in their private and public lives.

I’m sure over time we will continue to see more people in the lifestyle with different gender identities and sexual preferences. It might be a little confusing at first, but I’m sure we will figure it out as we go.

We welcome your thoughts and comments on this…