This blog was written for Partners ID by Kennedy M., a single woman in the lifestyle.
Most swingers prefer to keep the fact that they are in the lifestyle to themselves. At times it can be challenging, especially when we find ourselves in situations that are hard to explain. Imagine how hard it would be for vanilla people to wrap their minds around a unicorn!
Not long ago, while taking notes in a board room for an important client, I received an email with a subject line that said it was an important message from Joe (a close friend’s name). I was busy and did not look at the return email address. As soon as we took a break for a few minutes I scrolled down and clicked on it. To my surprise there was a close up picture of a black man’s dick. Before I could click delete, a male coworker was standing behind my chair asking if that was my new boyfriend.
When I am not blogging about my lifestyle experiences I have a job that is quite vanilla; complete with meetings in board rooms and client lunches. For obvious reasons, I do not discuss my private life where I work. When colleagues ask what I did over the weekend, I usually tell them, “The usual; a movie, some dinner” etc. The company I work for would be horrified if they really knew how I spend my weekends.
I am a unicorn, a single girl in the swinger lifestyle, for those who do not know the term.
When I started swinging, I was not alone. My boyfriend and I spent at least two night each week in our local swing club. I was very much in love with my boyfriend and was heart broken when he ended it with little explanation.
I am not soured by this nor do I hate men. Right now, I am wary of putting my heart out there again in fear that I will find myself in the same situation.
When I was finally ready to go back out after the breakup, I returned to a place where I felt very comfortable in the past. My former boyfriend and I were swing club rats and spent at least two nights a week in our local establishment. We had a nice circle of lifestyle friends, many of whom had reached out to me after the break up.
My first night out alone was a little bit scary. Naturally, I was unsure how I would be received by some of the women. Although I knew I was not looking to intrude on anyone’s relationship, would other people know that? I had never really known any unicorns but had heard some women speaking poorly of them in the past. The last thing I wanted was for people to think I had some ulterior motives for spending time in a swing club.
For the most part, the women were happy to see me and welcomed me with open arms. One or two seemed a bit uncomfortable with all the attention the men lavished upon me (which I in no way sought out but as most unicorns will admit, it is hard to avoid).
The first few times I went to the club I felt a little awkward. I needed people to make me feel like I belonged there. It didn’t take long for couples (some I knew, some I did not) to ask me to join them in the back room. After a period of time I started receiving invitations to parties. Then men started asking me to accompany them to the club when their wives were out of town. Although I do know other unicorns who have no problem with this, I have always declined the offers. Whereas I knew why I was there, I wasn’t sure others understood why I chose to make a swing club my night life of choice. It was hurtful when I overheard women asking each other what exactly I was looking for.
I will tell you “what I was, and still am, looking for.” I love to dance, I love to dress sexy and I love to have fun. I like to meet new people and I love to have sex; both with men and with women. I like the comfort and the warmth of the lifestyle. It’s a great place to go to as you do not need a date, or to make plans with others. You just show up and hang with the people who are there. You can spend an amazing night, have great sex and kiss the other people goodnight. I can go home and sleep alone in my bed. Nobody to answer to. I can stay until 12 midnight or go home at 4am. I can do what I want with no strings attached.
If I am looking for some one on one time, there are always single guys who are more than willing to spend the evening with a unicorn. The best part is, I do not have to be alone with them. We can choose a private room to play but I am not in a scary situation with a stranger. If I want to be with a couple, no problem. If I want a gang bang, that’s my choice. The best part for me is that I leave alone.
I am not looking for a boyfriend, husband or anything else; just a good time. That’s it, that’s all. Obviously I cannot speak for every unicorn as we are all individuals. Over time I have gotten to know a few who spend time in this swing club. We are definitely not all on the same page. Personally, I will not go into the back room with someone else’s husband if she is not in the club to approve. Most of the other girls have no problem with that.
I will not date a married man with or without the wife’s permission. I will only play with someone’s husband if she is present, but even then, I prefer to make it a threesome. Most unicorns I have met don’t really have any rules. They are out for themselves and offer no apologies for what they do. They prefer to be alone for a variety of reasons and although they love the attention they get in the clubs, for the most part, they are not looking for anything more than a good time.
I have tried to imagine how I would feel if there was a unicorn around when my boyfriend and I were together at the club. We did not really know of any at that time so it is hard to say. If unicorns are respectful of other’s relationships then there should never be a problem. I would suggest making sure that if you choose this route you pay a lot of attention to the women. If you are flirting with their husband and ignoring them, this will be a problem for sure. Since you have no one to offer to them, you must flirt with them as a couple. Always try to put yourself in the woman’s shoes and ask yourself how you would feel if the situation were reversed.
Unicorns are a great addition to the lifestyle if they understand the rules of the game. Some think they are the stars of the club because they get a lot of attention. Perhaps it would be better to just think of yourself as another component to the lifestyle. Although we bring an added element to the lifestyle, the lifestyle could easily exist without us.
Nobody ever asks what single men are looking for in the club. Why the double standard? It seems a question I hear often regarding unicorns. Perhaps it would surprise people to hear that I am looking for sex just like they are. It just so happens tothat I prefer the no strings attached variety. I don’t want you to call me in the morning. Really, I don’t. More often that not, I also don’t want to play with you again. It was fun once but I am not looking to repeat the experience regardless of how awesome it might have been. I am not looking for you to cuddle with me or tell me how beautiful I am. Please do not tell me about your problems and I will not bother you with mine. The truth is, I don’t really care, I just want to enjoy my night out.
I do like to try new things and am very open minded. Sometimes that seems to make some women feel a little threatened. I am not a slut or a whore because I am a sexual person. When I was in a relationship I did not feel as free to explore things as I do now. Perhaps that is why it is hard for you to relate, but that doesn’t really give you the right to judge.
People have asked me many times why I am not out looking for someone of my own. It is a valid question but again, I am enjoying being by myself. When I am ready to be in a relationship, I can assure you I will not be fishing for someone in a swing club. Perhaps one day I will meet a nice single guy at a lifestyle event but who knows. For now, I am very happy to be a unicorn and have no plans to change that any time soon.