A couple from Australia found a “very cute” swinger because of the jewelry!

 

 

Living in Australia we didn’t expect that after purchasing jewelry we would find another swinger very quickly.  How wrong we were.  We have only had our jewelry for about 3 weeks and were wearing it while out running some errands.  We stopped to grab a bite and while sitting in a corner booth, suddenly a man appeared out of nowwhere and was sitting next to me smiling.  We were  a bit confused but he pointed  to the pendant hanging from his necklace.  How wonderful this was!  Such a surprise and he’s quite cute to look at!  I am so pleased and wanted to thank you!  It really does help you spot other swingers and it really is around the world!  Bravo!

Infidelity and the lifestyle; how swinging helps couples avoid cheating on each other.

Happy couple clinking wine glasses
Happy couple clinking wine glasses

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

People who are not in the lifestyle, equate swinging with infidelity.  Obviously, for people who swing, this is absolutely untrue.   According to dictionary.com. infidelity means:

1.  marital disloyalty
2.  unfaithfulness
     Considering those two meanings, swingers are not being disloyal or unfaithful to their spouses.  Perhaps we should think of swingers as writng their own rules in their own marriages.  They have decided together, as a couple, to open their marriage to something more. Whether or not religious figures would agree that this is not adultery or infidelity is another topic altogether.

It is not uncommon to hear people who are not in the lifestyle to question why couples swing.  Besides that they imagine swingers to be perverted deviants, their perception of swingers is really off.  They have a hard time understanding why people would be open to having sex with someone other than their spouse.  More than that, they cannot fathom why swingers do not get upset with the fact that their significant others are doing this.

Let’s consider this:  if a department store invited you to visit anytime, and take what you needed for free, would you ever feel the need to steal something from them?   Silly question right?  How can you steal something if they are giving it to you for free?   Let’s say you are in school and need help on an exam and the teacher tells you anytime you don’t know an answer to just ask her and she will tell you. Would you need to copy off someone’s paper?  What would be the point?  The teacher has already offered the free help, right?  It is the same in the lifestyle.  Your partner offers to let you swing with other people, why would you need to do this behind their back?  That is not to say that it never happens because it probably does, but what it is the point?

It is very common when you speak with swingers to hear how surprised they were when they first entered the lifestyle to discover how in love swingers seemed to be.  It was exactly the opposite of what they had imagined.  If couples were so in love, what drove them into the lifestyle?  The best answer is probably honesty.

The relationship between a couple who chooses to swing has to be very open and honest.   In order to swing, they had to get to the point where they could admit that although they love each other, they would like to try something else.  It is normal for  couples to fall into a routine or rut with their sex life.  Some couples try to spice things up by watching porn, using toys, trying different positions or even going to strip clubs.  What happens when that is not enough?

For couples not in the lifestyle, unfortunately, they might look to someone else to fill that void.  Infidelity is exceptionally selfish.  One person in the couple chooses to find excitement that is lost with their partner while the other partner makes do with  the lack of fulfillment.  Sometimes both parts of the couple choose to be unfaithful to each other while maintaining  the facade of a wonderful marriage.  How long can that last?

When you consider the avenue swingers take, it seems more logical and loving.  Swinging is something couples do together.  They venture into the lifestyle as a couple not to find someone to replace their partner, but to find couples to spice up their sex life.  The excitement is something they experience together.  The only sneaking around these couples might be engaging in, is from their family and friends. Swinging creates a very strong bond;  you are naughty together.

When you consider the freedom that swinging brings to both members of the couple, who would feel the need to cheat?  Sure, there are always exceptions, but that shows a true character fault.  Generally speaking, swingers would agree that they have no reason to cheat.  Swinging helps them to avoid infedelity.

Many couples who have been in the lifestyle for many years reach different levels of comfort with separating while swinging.  Some couples have no problem allowing their significant other to play on their own while traveling or with friends they have met in the lifestyle.  They talk about how much pleasure they get just from hearing about the escapades of their partners.   The only request they make of each other is to tell them about what they do when they play on their own.  Some couples never separate and continue their swinging journey side by side.  Either way, the degree of trust and freedom is immeasurable compared with those not in the lifestyle.

Everyone is different and perhaps there are couples who never feel the desire to play outside their marriage.  It seems that number would be very low when you consider how rampant infidelity is.

My question to those not in the lifestyle is this:  why not try to explore together what both of you are secretly wishing for?  It is impossible to believe that every married adult at some point has not fantasized about having sex with someone else.  A neighbor, a  teacher, a coworker, someone famous or your spouse’s best friend.   The best part about swinging is that these are no longer secrets or fantasies!  You and your partner not only talk about what your sexual fantasies are, you experience them together.  What could be more honest and intimate than that?  That is what creates such a strong bond between swingers.   When you have everything you need at home, why would you need to go elsewhere?

Lifestyle friends are the best friends you can have!

 

3 lifetsyle friends wearing Partners ID jewelry, smiling
3 lifetsyle friends wearing Partners ID jewelry, smiling

Lifestyle friends are the best friends you can have.  It occurred to me this morning when I got a call from a friend in the lifestyle.  This friend and her husband were away for the week and she wanted to catch up.  The  conversation opened with her telling me that she had finally tried double penetration during their stay at a lifestyle resort.  She then filled me in on all the sexy details of their trip.  She gave me blow by blow details of the parties, the playrooms even what she wore to the different events.  Luckily her husband had packed some viagra because towards the end of their stay he was in need!

When I hung up the phone I was smiling just thinking about all the fun they had.  Just then, my phone rang again and it was a very good friend who is not in the lifestyle.  When I asked how her weekend was, she told me it was great.  They had dinner with her husband’s law partners on Friday and went to a wine tasting on Saturday.  On Sunday she took a yoga class and that was all she had to report.

Hmm.  I wonder if they had sex.  I was tempted to ask but decided not to as it is not something we generally talk about.  She asked me how my weekend was and I said it was nice.  We went to a swing club on Friday and rolled home around 3:30 in the morning.    Saturday we hosted a party at our home and within an hour of our guests arriving, we were all naked in the hot tub having sex.  Some guests slept over and the party continued until late Sunday night.  Of course, I told her none of that but instead said we did the usual, nothing special, which in essence, is true.

When I was done on the phone it occurred to me that there is such a huge difference in my relationship with these two women.  One woman I have known for the past 25 years and the other for about two years.  I have had sex with one of their husbands, the other I have not.  I have played with one of the women, the other I have not even kissed.  We have shared everything from husbands, to underwear to sex toys.   My lifestyle friend knows the true me.  When I have a real issue, it is she to whom I turn, not the friend that I have known for 25 years.  That says a lot.

The depth of the relationship between lifestyle friends and vanilla friends cannot compare.  It was the first time I realized how well my vanilla friend would say she knows me when in fact, she does not really know very much about me at all.   When you must keep a secret that is such a huge part of who you are from someone, is that friendship not slightly tainted?

I think everyone in the lifestyle at some point, considers telling either friends or family about swinging.  Most people never reveal this to anyone in their outside life because they do not think people would find this acceptable.  They prefer to keep that part of their lives a secret, which is totally understandable.  There is no doubt that there are people who would not be okay with what swingers do.  Is that a reason to break a friendship?  Swingers are not looking to lose their vanilla friends because they swing but are their vanilla friends going to drift away if they find out?  Do men and women differ on this?  Are men more curious and less judgmental than women?

When we were new to the lifestyle we did confide in a couple that were close friends at the time.  We were not as available as we had been in the past and they were concerned.  Obviously they were shocked when we told them that we were spending time at a swing club.  It was awkward to get through dinner with them because after we confided in them,  the woman became very quiet.  The man waited until the next day and phoned my husband at work to ask him all about it.  He wanted to know if we would invite them to come with us to the club one night.  Clearly, this couple was not on the same page.  The woman basically disappeared from my life after that night and her husband remained friendly with my husband.

When you think about a “good friend” walking away because of your lifestyle choices, it makes you question the integrity of the friendship.  What does the fact that we swing have to do with our vanilla friends?   We haven’t actually changed as people.  We do enjoy activities which might not seem right to them but should they be judging us?  They were friendly with us for many years not having a clue that we went to strip clubs very often.  Having weekly lap dances by girls did not seem to make me lesser of a friend, but I suppose it’s because they did not know about it.

Lifestyle friends are more honest.  They are honest with their spouses and they are honest with themselves.  They are not afraid to be open and it makes for an incredibly enriching relationship.  Even if double penetration is not my thing, I would never judge her for participating in it.  It’s her body and her decision.  The best part is she knows I would never judge her for anything she chooses to do as long as it isn’t hurting anyone.    There are women who love to be a part of a gang bang.  They want upwards of 5, 10 maybe 15 men to have sex with in one night.  Never have I heard anyone in a swing club judge these women for what turns them on.  Who are we to judge?

Most couples would agree that over time the lifestyle creeps up on us and before we realize it, the majority of our friends are swingers.  Dinner parties for us do not include food and it doesn’t really matter what you are wearing to a party because it won’t stay on for long.  Sleepovers are common occurrences and we think nothing of sharing lube and sex toys.

My friend and her husband spent a weekend at our home not too long ago.  We naturally played with each other’s husband and after she asked me if I enjoyed it.  I said I did and she said, “I just wanted to make sure he took care of you or I would be mad at him.”  Of course, she was joking but is that not a good friend?    When I told her how I felt she said, “That’s what friends are for, no?”

Lifestyle friends are the kind of friends that you can count on for just about anything.  Although we share the sexual side of our lives with each other, that is not all it’s about.  It’s a community of close knit friends who can sit on each others laps on a nude beach and drink from each others glasses without anyone giving you a funny look.

With these friends you can say what’s on your mind and nobody will judge you for it.   If you give your friend’s husband a back massage (or blow job) there is no jealousy or concern.  You can speak openly about something of concern and you will notice ten people trying to help you sort things out.  Lifestyle friends are old enough to be our parents and young enough to be our children, yet age is not a factor in our friendship.

It’s a wonderful thing to know that there is a whole community out there that has your back.  Sure, vanilla friends can be wonderful, supportive and warm, but if they can’t know your true essence, they can only be so close.  I don’t keep secrets from my lifestyle friends but I cannot say the same about my vanilla friends.  That says it all.

Lifestyle jewelry makes the perfect gift for both your lifestyle friends and lovers!  Check out the jewelry here:

https://www.swingersjewelry.net/jewelry-for-swingers/

We are getting  new pieces in almost every day for the holidays so be sure to check back often.  Don’t see what you are looking for?  We custom design jewelry to meet your every need.  Simply send us an email and we will work with you to get what you want.

 

 

 

 

 

An honest blog from a unicorn; you may be surprised by this!

 

We asked unicorns to please help others in the lifestyle to understand (honestly) why they are in the lifestyle and what they are looking for.  Here is one very honest answer.  It might surprise some people to read!

For those of you who are not familiar with the term, a unicorn refers to a single woman who swings.  They are hard to find in the lifestyle but are a curiosity to many people.  People seem to always want to know what brings a single woman into the lifestyle.

Here is her story:

I was married for 6 years and for 3 of those years my husband and I were in the lifestyle. Although we were happily married, we parted ways because he got a job overseas.   I could not bear to move there and leave my family behind.  My parents were not in good health and I am an only child. We are still friendly and perhaps one day we will reunite.

This is how I became a unicorn. As I live fairly close to the swing club my husband and I used to frequent, it was natural for me to return after he left.  I spend at least one or two nights a week in the club. Many people at this club were friends with us as a couple  so it is easy for me to be there alone. I love to dance and for the small price I pay, I have a full buffet dinner and breakfast. Can’t beat that!

There are a few reason why I remained in the lifestyle.  First of all, it is something that has been a part of my life for the past 5 years. Three of them during my marriage, 1 of them as part of a couple and now for this passed year, alone.

What am I looking for? First of all, as I mentioned, I like to dance. If I am being totally honest, sure, I hope to meet a man. Do I want to break up a marriage? No, of course not, but if the marriage is not stable to begin with, I have no control over that. There are married men who ask for my number and express an interest in seeing me outside of the club. It is palpable how many of you are waiting for me to respond absolutely not, I would never do that, but that would not be the truth.

The truth is I sometimes give out my number, it totally depends on the man and his situation. You can see which couples are connected when you are in a swing club. Some are clearly together but they do not really have a relationship. I know some women reading this will accuse me of creating a problem between a couple but the way I see it, it is the husband who is creating the problem. If he wasn’t with me, he would be with someone else. He is the one who is not being faithful.

I have no real interest in being “the other woman”. In the lifestyle, I am so desirable to couples and singles that if I accepted every offer for every party, event, sleepover, you name it, I would be busy 7 nights a week. It is a lot of fun to be the center of attention. I know when I am dancing, all male eyes are on me. Not because I am the most attractive woman, but because I am available and there is no puzzle to solve with matching spouses to each other.

You asked for honesty and I am trying to be completely honest. I am really looking to find someone to be in a relationship with and that is why I am in the lifestyle. Couples sometimes invite me for private weekends and If I am available, I go. Why not? It’s a free vacation and a chance for me to get to know the man more intimately. If his wife knows she can’t trust him, why does she go along with it? If she doesn’t realize what he is really looking for, the question is why doesn’t she know?

Although I do play with both men and women, I am not really bisexual. I go along because as a unicorn this is required. If I were to say I only play with men, I would not be so popular! There are a few other unicorns that frequent this swing club and we all try to be friendly with each other. We establish our territory in terms of who we prefer to end up with at the end of the night. For the most part, unicorns try to respect each other. We often dance together because that too, attracts a lot of attention.

I am not a bad person, just a bit lonely. I am looking for love just like anybody else. Going to a bar or a regular club feels less safe to me. Taking strange men home is always a risk and one that I prefer not to take. The swing club that I go to is on premise, which allows me to play there and go home alone (although, not always alone). I have met single men in the club but for some reason they seem a little bit less safe to me. It seems many of them are married as well.
Hopefully soon, I will meet a man and will no longer be a unicorn!  Although many will deny it, I think most unicorns feel the same way!

If couples understood why people cheat, would they consider swinging?

As a swinger, when I spend time with my vanilla girlfriends, I am always paying close attention to what they say and how they behave when somebody brings up the subject of sex.

My friends do not know that I am in the lifestyle so bringing up the subject of swinging is a very delicate matter. It is very rare that it comes up, but at our latest get together, I couldn’t resist.

The topic of conversation was infidelity. One of our mutual friends is in the process of divorce because she recently discovered that her husband was cheating on her. Almost all of the other women agreed that this would be grounds for divorce in their own marriages. They would not care if it was a one time thing or a long standing affair, it is something they all agree is unforgivable.

I listened to them rant for quite awhile about men being dogs and not being able to keep it in their pants, etc. I asked them if they really think it is only a male problem. While they all agreed that it is not, they all vehemently denied that they had ever cheated or even contemplated sleeping with a man other than their husband. These are women who are all over 40 years old!

I looked around at each one of them and told them that it was impossible for me to believe that they had never been attracted to another man since the day they had gotten married. “You mean to tell me that you have never fantasized about another man?” (I wanted to say or woman, but was too afraid to open that can of worms.)

Most of them admitted that they had fantasized about men over the years but not to the point that they would act on it. I asked them if they ever did act on it, did they think it would change the way they feel about their husbands or would it simply be a physical release.

I asked them if they thought it was possible that a man could have sex with another woman, yet be completely in love with his wife? Better yet, could a woman have sex with another man and still love her husband? Are sex and love mutually exclusive?

The fascinating thing is that when the question was asking women if they could have that fantasy sex and come home to their husbands, I could see the wheels turning while they considered that. Wouldn’t it simply be a physical act? The men you fantasize about, are you hoping to share your life with him or have a quickie?

As the group fell silent in contemplation, I pushed on. What about swingers? I asked. From what I have read (I explained), they seem to be able to find the balance between their love for each other and having sex with others. Does this type of a lifestyle possibly eliminate a need to cheat? I turned to the woman who is now in the process of divorce. Do you think perhaps if the two of you were in the lifestyle this would not be happening?

None of the women were open to the thought of swinging, as far as I could tell, but at least they were considering what I was saying. Does it make sense to break up marriages and families over a sexual encounter?

The women explained that it was less about the sex and more about the betrayal of trust. So my next question was, “If your husband had told you he wanted to have sex with someone else, would you be open to it?” They all shook their heads no. Then I am confused. The anger stems from the trust issue, yet if their husbands were honest, it wouldn’t change anything. Seems to me like a no win situation. Perhaps the thought process for someone who is looking for something different resorts to cheating because they might get away with it. If they cannot discuss this with their partner, they feel out of options.

This, sadly, seems to be a cornerstone of contemporary marriages. Fidelity sounds like a wonderful and romantic concept, but in the 21st century, it seems almost ridiculously outdated. That is not to say that there aren’t many couples out there who manage to remain married and faithful, but are they happy? Are they faithful by choice or out of fear of the repercussions?

I asked the women if they could honestly say that they believe their husbands have never thought about cheating (as they seemed to believe that they had not already done so). Most of the women said that their husbands had probably been attracted to another woman at some point and might have considered cheating. I asked what kept them from acting on it. They all said the same thing: my husband knows if I catch him cheating I will leave him. So women feel comfortable suppressing their husbands sexual desires by threatening them with consequences. Is this healthy? More importantly, is this really love?

I think most swingers would agree that by allowing their spouses to be able to have sex with other women, on some level, we are expressing love. We are happy to see our husband happy. We understand that it is not realistic to be able to be the only person our significant other is ever attracted to or wants to have sex with. The same goes for women. If our husband allows us the opportunity to be with other men, why would we cheat? True love is so much deeper than sex and it is a shame that the concept seems to be lost on so many people.

There is no doubt that during this lunch date my friends were all eyeing me suspiciously. I clearly was not on the same page as they were with regard to sex and marriage. I do think, however, I was able to give my soon to be divorced friend something to think about. While I totally understand the importance of trust in a marriage, I also understand the importance of communication. If her husband had tried to express his desire to have sex with another woman, they would probably be in the same position they are now. She is angry and hurt because she cannot understand why she isn’t “enough” for him.

This is where swingers have a healthier perspective. As we’ve all heard the common saying: Show me a beautiful woman and I will show you a man who is tired of having sex with her…
We can substitute man for woman and vice versa, but the meaning is the same. Humans are essentially not monogamist, and until we accept this, this conversation will go on indefinitely.

Check out our new jewelry! Stop wondering, start playing! https://www.swingersjewelry.net/jewelry-for-swingers/

Why the swinger lifestyle is good for you. Yes, I mean you!

Who knew that entering the lifestyle would have such an impact on my life?  Like many women, I was not the one who initiated the conversation regarding swing clubs.  To be fair, really, neither was my husband.  It was a stripper at a strip club and that should tell you something about us right away!  Why were we so chummy with the stripper in the first place?  The answer is that we were regulars for a few years.  She observed that I never looked happy to be in the strip club and she took a guess that I was there for my husband.  “Why not take your wife to a swing club” she asked one night.  I had never heard of a swing club and had no idea what it was.  A few weeks later, for my husband’s birthday I surprised him and said I wanted to check out a swing club.  I did not have to ask twice.
I have never been overly confident and having been married for 19 years, I never really thought about flirting with other men.  Sure, men were flirting with me all along but I chose to dismiss it and pretend not to notice.  That’s not to say I didn’t find men attractive or find myself at times attracted to other men, I did, but I never acted on it and tried my best to avoid them.
That was a long time ago as I have been in the lifestyle for about 10 years.  The lifestyle has taught me so much about myself and has given me a tremendous amount of confidence.  What I have learned since the beginning would have been very helpful to know as a 20 year old.  I’m not talking about sex, I’m talking about people and attitudes and friendliness and being open to both experiences and people.  It would be no problem today for me to walk into a bar by myself and make friends with little effort amongst a group of strangers.  Ten years ago I would have waited outside until my husband arrived to go into the bar with him.  Today, he would find me sitting at the bar with a drink in my hand chatting with the people around me.  If I were single, and there was an attractive man at the bar, I would think nothing of walking over and striking up a conversation.  Being single does not frighten me in the least.  Many married “vanilla” friends talk about how they would be totally lost without their spouse and would have no idea how to get back out and date.  They would be terrified by the thought of having to navigate a new relationship.  I sincerely doubt that the majority of people in the lifestyle would feel this way.  We are used to flirting and mingling and talking to total strangers.
It has also taught me about my body and that you do not have to be perfect to be attractive.  It has taught me that what I once thought made a person attractive is not necessarily universal.  When we first entered the lifestyle I imagined the most attractive women with the hottest bodies would be the most sought after by all the men in the club.  What I discovered is that beauty truly is in the eye of the beholder and what is attractive to one person is not necessarily attractive to another.  As a society I feel that magazines, movies and tv regularly make us believe that only the tall, slim, busty girls with perfect hair are what men are looking for, when in reality, men are all different with very different taste and very different ideas of what makes a woman attractive.  Same for women; what attracts one woman is vastly different from what attracts another.
I learned that it is ok to love sex!  When women love sex, they tend to think they must be a slut.  I thought my interest in playing with different guys when I was younger was wrong.  Friends used to ask,  “How many guys
have you slept with?”   When they were in their 20s and told me they had slept with only 5 men I would think OMG, I can never tell anyone the truth!  I never thought to count; I just knew I loved having sex!  The lifestyle taught me that there is nothing wrong with that.  It also has taught me to learn to express what I like in bed.  Most people prefer to know what the person they play with likes.
The lifestyle has taught me that we are only as “old” as we allow ourselves to be.  Many people believe that people over 50 should spend their evenings at restaurants or movies and be home by 11.  What else is there for them to do?  Nightclubs almost predominantly cater to people in their 20s and 30s.  Most people I know who are over 40 years old have no interest in spending an evening at a night club with younger people.  They feel uncomfortable dressing too sexy, they might not enjoy the same music, or how loud it is, and dancing next to someone who is so much younger than yourself can be awkward.  They look at you and wonder what you are doing there.  In a swing club, you get the same night club atmosphere where people are there to have a good time regardless of their age and nobody is judging you.  The freedom in a swing club is very liberating.  To be able to be yourself and show your sexuality as you please is fabulous.  Staying out until 3:00 in the morning on weekends makes you feel young again.  It is impossible to imagine going back to that ‘old person’ mentality after experiencing time in the lifestyle.
The people you meet in the lifestyle are so much different from people you will meet anyplace else.  The conversations are real and nothing is off limits.  I find our conversations with vanilla friends tend to be about our children and our jobs but with lifestyle friends it is about vacation experiences, parties, sex and lifestyle events.  We talk about sex because it is normal and not taboo.   Try talking to your vanilla friends about sex and watch them blush and look at you like you are perverse.
The lifestyle has made me feel alive!  I look forward to any time we spend in any lifestyle venue.  When we embarked upon creating the lifestyle jewelry it was an extension of our love for the whole environment and the people in it.  We are dedicated to continuing to try to make it easier for those of us in the lifestyle to find each other!  Party on people!

Swinging when you have children; how to stay one step ahead of them.

A title like “Swinging with Children” might attract the wrong kind of attention.                                                         

The original title for this article was actually “Swinging with Children” but when I went back to edit it, I was afraid the Feds would come knocking at my door. For that reason the title had to be changed to “Swinging when you have children.”

Couples who enjoy swinging and have children, quickly discover the challenges involved in juggling their ‘secret life’ with their regular life. There are a number of interesting things to consider when you have children, and this does not just apply to small children.

Word to the wise:  children are much smarter than we give them credit for; even when they are very young.  Never underestimate them!

When you start swinging and your children are young, the biggest obstacle is generally child care. It quickly becomes apparent that if you are planning to stay out until 2 or 3 in the morning, babysitters can be difficult to find.  Babysitters are also usually also old enough to wonder where you are going.   If you are smart enough to leave the house conservatively dressed, they still wonder where you go that is open so late.  We always preferred to leave the children with our parents for the night.  This allowed us to come and go as we pleased.  Unfortunately,  Grandma and Grandpa were only going to have sleep overs so often!

Excuse me but I think you are missing a shoe…

Another problem is that after having wild sex and getting dressed to return home, you probably do not look as put together as you did when you left the house. There are times your hair will be wet from sweating, your shirt will be buttoned wrong, your fly might not be zipped back up or you are wearing something inside out. That is, if you can even  return home in what you wore while you were out. Many of us must change our clothing either in the garage or in the car, because we would never be caught dead in our club clothes!

For those of us who have tried to sneak past the babysitter to change out of our club clothes quickly, you can rest assured that one of your children is probably in your bed and will wake up as soon as you cross the threshold.  I can remember sneaking into my bedroom one night thinking my daughter was asleep in her bed.  It wasn’t until a few days later that I discovered not only wasn’t she asleep, but she was busy recording me as I ran into my room to change.  Apparently she wanted to show my mother how funny my hair looks when I come home late at night.

With young children, another problem is that they do not really care how late you were out the night before. They get up before the sun, and you are going to have to pay for that in the morning! Other than that, young children might be easier than older ones when you swing.

Woman who was out swinging, hiding in the bushes wearing Partners ID bracelet
Woman hiding in the bushes wearing Partners ID bracelet

 

 

 

 

Don’t kids ever go to sleep?
When your children are a little bit older but still live at home, the problems can be even more challenging. First off, where to hide your swinger clothes? Unless you have a spare closet with a lock on it (and even then), your children will find it. I can remember my kids telling my mother how many pairs of “hooker shoes” I own. These shoes were in a locked closet that has a key that I thought was well hidden; apparently I was wrong.

Sneaking out of the house with a change of clothing can also become tricky. If you think they won’t notice that you are wearing something under your sweater, trust me, they will. If you try to carry them out in a large handbag, they will ask questions.  After many attempts to fool them, I discovered the only way is to plan ahead. When the kids are not home, plan your outfit for the evening ahead of time and put it in the trunk of your car or hide it in the garage.

Returning home with older kids can also pose a bigger challenge. They never go to sleep! No matter how late you come home, somehow they are always awake and you cannot avoid them. This means you must change back into the clothing you left the house in.  You also have to make sure you don’t look like a hot mess!  Be prepared to answer the question they will inevitably ask: where were you until this hour and who were you with?

When you are out swinging often, it starts to become a challenge! They also are aware that nothing is open this late.  We used to try to get our stories straight on the ride home from an evening of swinging.  It became pretty routine to tell them that we sat and drank coffee with friends long after a restaurant was closed or watched movies at a friend’s house.  We were aware that our children probably did not believe us but we couldn’t come up with anything else!

Somehow we all imagined that when our children were old enough to leave home we would be able to enjoy the lifestyle without a care in the world. We deserve to have some fun, right? Well, unfortunately grown children present their own set of challenges for us. First of all we have to consider that one day they could show up in a swing club or at a lifestyle event all on their own; and if not them, maybe their friends.

Grown children are quite computer savvy so it is critical to make sure there are no pictures of our faces associated with anything lifestyle related.  We cringe when any of them ask to borrow our computer, as probably most people in the lifestyle would understand what they might stumble upon.

Grown children also present us with grandchildren. Now they are looking to get out and naturally turn to us for help.  They would like us to babysit from time to time but we are rarely free on weekends.   They say they don’t mind going out later.   They ask us to just come by when we return home to watch the kids for a few hours…Yes, we will be back around 3am if that works for you.

You can reach us on our cell phone if you need us.

They ask for itineraries when we travel, but we cannot provide one because we are headed out on a lifestyle cruise or to a swinger resort.  We try to remember to take some vanilla pictures while on these excursions as inevitably, they will ask to see photos!

Eventually they will borrow your phone and ask why all your friends have no last names.  Your grown daughter will ask to borrow a dress or a pair of shoes and before you can react, she is walking into your closet.  They ask why they have never met  many of the friends that we talk about.

We have even had one of our children pop in unannounced on a Sunday morning, only to discover that friends of ours had stayed the night.  Thankfully they were still asleep.  We quickly said that we were afraid to let them leave because they had too much to drink.   I can’t help wondering how we would have explained having breakfast in our underwear, or the four of us naked in the hot tub, had he shown up a little later.
Yes, the lifestyle certainly presents challenges from day one when you have children. You must learn to be creative and most importantly to think ahead. Make sure you and your spouse discuss what story you will tell, as it’s very important to relay the same story! Unfortunately, at some point there will be questions and strange looks as your children are much smarter than you think. It’s all in fun and it keeps the lifestyle interesting!

Newbies tend to have a perception of swingers that is not always accurate.

Newbie swinger woman toasting friends wearing Partners ID jewelry
Newbie swinger woman toasting friends wearing Partners ID jewelry

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Newbies is a term  swingers use which refers to people who are new to the lifestyle.  The word “newbie” is not a new term and is even listed in the merriam-webster dictionary:

https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/newbie

One of the wonderful things about the lifestyle is the variety of people it attracts.  People from all walks of life are swingers.   We were approached recently by a couple on a beach who spotted our flag and wanted to ask about the lifestyle. (Glad the flag works!)

They have never been in any type of lifestyle environment ( which is why we use the term “newbies”) and thought the nude beach might help them get some information about swing clubs and swinger resorts.  They were smart because there are many swingers that frequent the nude beach.  They had no idea how to know who was a swinger so the flag came in handy for that!  The woman (who was wearing a rather conservative one piece bathing suit) was very apprehensive about the type of women she would find in a swing club.  She somehow felt she would not measure up to swing club standards.  The man did not seem particularly concerned with this and it should come as no surprise that she was in better shape than he.  I suppose it is normal to have preconceived notions about what you will see on your first trip to a swing club and newbies are never sure if they will fit in.  She went on to explain that she is not as thin as she was, or in as good shape as she was 20 years ago.  She was afraid that all the women in a swing club or at a resort such as Desire or Secrets Hideaway would be perfect tens and that would intimidate her.  She was concerned that they would all ooze sexuality and she was still raising children and did not really consider herself particularly sexy.  She mentioned that she is not good with hair and make up and prefers a more natural look.  How could she ever compete with all of the glamorous women with perfect hair, make up and bodies?

I was not sure why her perception of swing clubs was like this but we spent a good hour talking to them about the realities of lifestyle venues and what types of people you will find.  We assured her that in any given swing club you will see a very broad spectrum of both men and women.   It is possible you will spot a woman you think is the perfect model, but isn’t beauty in the eye of the beholder?  Every man I have ever met has different taste when it comes to women.  Some look at breasts, some at legs, some at the face, some like certain hair and others like a combination of things.  Some men like very thin women and some like very large women, so how can we decide who is a perfect ten?  I told her if she is concerned that she will find a bunch of Victoria Secret models walking around the club, she is worried for nothing.  Every swing club and swinger resort we have ever been to has been made up of all types of women.  Tall, short, fat, thin, beautiful blown out hair styles, wet matted hair, curly, straight, long and short hair, big boobs, small boobs, no boobs, beautiful dresses, jeans, shorts, fishnets, you name it.  Some women wear 6″ stilettos and others sport flip flops.  Some women have had plastic surgery and some seem not to be interested in  the shape or size of their bodies.   There is no particular style or trend in any club I have ever been to.  In my opinion, women should never worry that they won’t “measure up” in a swing club because there are all types of women.

The same goes for men.  Men come in all shapes and sizes.  You will find some men with hair, some without, some well dressed, some not.  Some men have big bellies, some have big muscles; some are well endowed and some are not.  The beauty of the lifestyle is everyone can play.  Swingers do not seem to notice the color of anyone’s hair or skin and they seem unconcerned with what you do for a living.  Bring a smile and a warm, open attitude and anyone can have a good time.

Life is too short to worry about what others might think.  The beauty of the lifestyle is the variety of people you will meet and how the majority of people are just there to have a good time.  Nobody cares what you are wearing or if your makeup is perfect.  Wear what makes you comfortable and bring a positive attitude.

The couple seemed happy to hear that they would fit in just fine but before they left I did offer her a small piece of advice:  After years of raising children and leaving your “sexy self” behind, you will shocked to see how fast it will return when you enter a swing club.  Find what makes you feel good and wear it with pride.  The only person you should want to impress is your husband and the same goes for him.  As for the people in the club?  They will like you if you are friendly, that’s all you need to fit in!

Lifestyle resorts are fabulous vacations for both seasoned and new swingers alike.

Swingers wearing Partners ID jewelry at a lifestyle resort
Swingers wearing Partners ID jewelry at a lifestyle resort

Lifestyle resorts are like summer camp for swingers.

From the time you step foot off the plane until you step back onto the plane, you are in for non stop fun. Vacations are meant to be fun filled and relaxing at the same time, and lifestyle resorts offer the best of both worlds. Most swingers who have been to one of the resorts return home with stories of fun and excitement.

What about couples who are not actually swingers, but rather are curious about the lifestyle? Is a lifestyle resort a place they might enjoy?

That totally depends on the couple. I say ‘couple’ because some resorts don’t even allow single guests. For many swingers, they appreciate the more relaxed atmosphere that this rule creates.

Many couples hear about swinging and they think they are ready to jump right in, while others would like to test the waters a bit before committing to anything with anyone. They are in the “I just want to watch” mode and so they worry that these resorts might not be the right place for them. Lifestyle resorts are actually a wonderful way for both types of newbies to get a close up look at what swinging is really like. For those who just want to observe, there is no pressure to be involved because of the shear number of people around. For those who want to jump in with both feet, there will be plenty of swingers who would be happy to show you the ropes.

Some lifestyle resorts are more upscale in terms of the accommodations and the food. If this is important to you, pay close attention to online reviews. One thing that is especially important is to try to book your trip when there is a swinger group expected at the resort. The resorts are always liveliest when swinger groups are scheduled to be there.

The different lifestyle resorts also seem to attract different age groups. Some attract the younger groups and some others tend to host more of the older swingers. This is especially important if age matters to you. A word of caution: younger crowds do not necessarily mean more swinging. Again, try to coordinate your trip with specific swinger groups to make sure the resort is not too quiet.

In terms of having your first ever swinging experience at a lifestyle resort, you have to know what you are comfortable with before you arrive. Communicate with your partner regarding what you are hoping for while you are there and what is absolutely off limits.

Without a doubt, if you are looking to swing, this will be possible at any lifestyle resort. The important this is to have this conversation before you arrive. Make sure both of you are on the same page. If you want to jump right in a swap with another couple, make sure your partner agrees with this. Seasoned swingers do not like to find themselves in between a couple who is arguing or unhappy. If you discuss things before you leave, this should make the experience smoother and more enjoyable for everyone.

Check the website before you go as most places have theme nights at their clubs. You will be expected to dress in theme if you want to attend the clubs.

Some lifestyle resorts are clothing optional while some enforce nudity. These types of lifestyle resorts usually attract both nudists and swingers. Do not confuse nudists with swingers as they are not interchangeable. One of the reasons we developed the lifestyle jewelry was to make it easy to know who the swingers are while vacationing at resorts such as these. Make sure the resort you are looking into hosts swingers as some naturist resorts do not.

Will people expect you to play?

This is a logical concern for those new to the lifestyle and the answer is no. Nobody will expect anything from you, especially if you make it clear at the start.
Don’t flirt with other couples and lead them on if you have no intention of following through. Most swingers think if couples are at these resorts it is because they are looking to play with others.

Will we be able to watch other couples play if we are not playing?

Yes, it is not uncommon to see couples playing on the beach or in the water. If you wander around at night you can see people all around playing. Some leave their hotel doors open so others can come in and watch. Many times there are games during the day at the pool or foam parties and lots of people will be playing then as well.

The best part for new couples is that it will give them a chance to meet other swingers and see how nice and inclusive most of them can be. The vacation is intended to be fun and swingers know how to have a good time.

What resorts have you been to that you would recommend?

We have been to Desire Riviera Maya, Desire Pearl, Cap D’agde, Secrets Hideaway, Caliente and Hedonism. We have been to a few others but they were too small to call them resorts. We had a great time at each place and we like them all for different reasons.

The best way to choose is to go online and take a look at each place. Their locations vary so sometimes that will make the decision for you. Read the reviews on each and go to forums on different sites to ask other people’s opinions.

No matter which place you choose, don’t go with preconceived notions as to what will happen when you are there. No expectations means you cannot be disappointed that something did not go as planned. If you want something to happen, chances are it will Be friendly and open minded and enjoy!

Desire Riviera Maya frequently runs specials and discounts.  They are currently running a promotion for 2 free nights in a raffle when you sign up with your email address.  Visit our trusted friends page for the link or click here:  https://www.swingersjewelry.net/advertisers/

 

Desire Riviera Maya Pearl Resort Special Events Calendar
Desire Riviera Maya Pearl Resort Special Events Calendar

The jewelry helped this couple discover that their close friends are swingers too!

Woman out in a field wearing Partners ID jewelry.
Woman out in a field wearing Partners ID jewelry.

 

Your jewelry actually opened the door to swinging for us.  Before this, we had no idea how to figure out who else in our remote area was a swinger.  We were also not about to ask…

We live in the country (some people would say rural America but we don’t really use that term here). My husband and I grew up here and love it but we don’t really have anything to compare it to. It can be a little bit lonely, but I will say that over the years it is more populated than it was when I was a kid. Where I grew up our closest neighbor was 30 minutes away.

The problem with living 15 minutes (like I said, more populated) from your neighbors is that you don’t really get to see many people on a regular basis. My husband works in agriculture so most days he’s out working on our property.

I have a small craft business that I just started. Thankful for the internet! Anyway, I will admit that often times my husband and I had wondered what it would be like to have a threesome. I get turned on by the thought of being with my husband and another man, he by the thought of myself and another woman. However, we never imagined it would be possible in this area to find other people who had the same interest as us.

We have a small group of friends that we get together with most weekends. One of the couples in the group is very attractive. My husband and I have talked about how if we were going to swing with anyone, they would be our first choice! The problem was how to go about discussing this with them.

That’s where you come in. I went online to try to figure out how to find other swingers and what to say.   I read many of your blogs, which had some very helpful information. I also read about the jewelry, and why it would help. I showed it to my husband and we decided to buy a piece for each of us to wear.

Not long after we received the jewelry, we made plans to meet up with our friends at a bar to watch baseball. We got dressed and put on our jewelry. We went to the bar and had an awesome time with our friends. The next day our attractive friends called us and invited us to their home for a barbecue. We have been to their home before so it didn’t seem strange. The only thing for us that was little bit weird was that we don’t usually see them more than once a week (at the most).

We drove out to their home and were looking forward to an afternoon relaxing and watching more baseball. They were wonderful hosts and made sure we had plenty to eat and drink. We settled in to watch the baseball game on their sofa. After a few minutes, the wife started to touch my leg. I was pretty buzzed but very shocked at the same time. I looked at her to try to figure out what she was thinking and then she kissed me.

I had my first girl on girl experience that night and it was incredible. At some point the guys joined in and it was just a big orgy with the four of us. Nothing short of amazing.

Afterwards my husband asked what made them think we’d be open to that. They laughed and said they saw the jewelry and they knew it because they had been swinging for a while and had seen it on others. They told us they had tried to figure out if we would be open to swinging before that, but didn’t want to out themselves by asking us.

If we weren’t wearing the jewelry, this would never have happened! Turns out, there is a group of swingers that they get together with once a month. We have joined the group a few times and it has been incredible! We discovered that several of the couples already have the jewelry. Two of the other couples met because of the jewelry.

Thanks, without it, we’d still be fantasizing! This is way better!

Lanie and Travis R.