Embarrassing situations swingers find themselves in…

Are you a swinger?  If you are, you can definitely relate to some of these embarrassing (but true) stories!

My husband and I had my parents over for dinner a few nights ago.  We were sitting at the table enjoying our coffee when our dog skirted under the table to enjoy what I thought was something my father had given her from his plate of leftovers.  Before long she was looking for my mother’s attention so my mother was petting her absentmindedly.  Next thing I know, my mother holds out her hand to show us what the dog had deposited.  It was a chewed up condom package with (thankfully) the condom still inside.  My husband and I were literally sweating,  trying desperately to figure out how to explain this.  Since neither of us could think of anything to say we acted like we couldn’t imagine where she had gotten it.  I didn’t feel comfortable admitting we had had a party that weekend and always supply condoms for our guests to use while they play on the very couch you were sitting on before dinner.  Nope, I didn’t think that would go over very well.  The next morning I did phone her and say that it probably had been in my son’s bedroom and the dog had managed to find it.

You might want to pack a trench coat when you don’t know the destination.

A few weeks ago we were heading out on a Saturday night to a private party.  We know the couple who were throwing the party but we had never been to their home.   I usually bring something in the car to put on in case of an emergency (I have already had that problem two times).   We were in a hurry and I forgot until we were already on our way.  Since we were running late, I decided to forget about it for this one time.

We arrive at the address and to my surprise, it is a building.  Naturally, when we walk in there is a doorman, a man at the front desk and a gentleman who takes you upstairs in the elevator.  I feel especially pleased that I am wearing a super slutty outfit that is practically see through.  I imagined all three men watching us by video going up in the elevator taking bets on whether or not my husband had hired me for the night.

When we arrive at their condo, my friend opens the door and gets hysterical laughing.  She knew right away the shame I had to endure to get up to her apartment.  She was then concerned that I would be the first of many dressed like this and now the people downstairs would look at her differently.  Perhaps next time you might want to mention to lifestyle guests that there is a front desk!

Ordering online should be a private way to get what you want, right?

I love to dress up when we go to parties and clubs, and  I especially enjoy shopping for slutty clothing.  It can be difficult to find stores that carry this type of clothing so most of the time I shop online.

I placed an order with a store a few months ago and waited for the package to arrive.  It did not arrive as scheduled, so I checked the tracking.   It showed the package had been delivered.  I went back to see what address they had delivered it to since it was not mine.  When I looked it up, I realized the company had sent it to my old address!  I had the phone number for the new owners so I called her and asked if she had the package.  She said she didn’t think so but would get back to me.  She sent me a text message later that day saying it had indeed arrived and since she was on her way out, she would leave it at her front door for me to pick up.

I arrived at her house and pulled into the driveway.  I was anxious to jump out and just grab the package.  My old neighbor spots me and walks over to say hello.  I told her I was in a hurry but just needed to grab a package that was left at the door.  She says, “Yes, I know, Susan told me about the package.”  With that, she says goodbye and walks away.  I thought it was odd and couldn’t imagine why Susan would have mentioned it.

As soon as I approached the front door I understood why.  The package had been opened and clearly, she had seen what I had ordered.  OMG, how do I explain this?!  Everything I had ordered looked like something a dancer from a strip club would wear!

After taking some time to figure out how to explain this, I phoned her.    I told her this was not what I had ordered!  She said she was sorry she had opened it but had been expecting a package and just assumed that was her package.  She mumbled something about not really looking at what was inside but I could tell from the package that she had indeed looked at each piece!  We have not spoken since.

People in the lifestyle love to stop and smell the flowers, but what about stopping to smell the lube?

A friend had surgery recently and I went to visit her at home.  They live in the city so finding a place to park was a bit of a challenge.  I finally gave in and parked in a public garage.

When I was leaving, I turned out of the garage and as I drove past her building, I noticed her husband walking toward the entrance.  I honked and he came over to the car to say hello.  He was very excited and held up a bag to show me that he had been shopping.

I pulled over to the curb and he got in the passenger side to show me what he bought.  To cheer up my friend, he had gotten her some sexy lingerie, body powder, and some new lube.  He opened the bottle to let me smell it and as I leaned over to smell the bottle of lube someone knocked on my window.  I turn to see a policeman standing there asking me to roll down my window.  Not only was I parked in a fire zone but he wanted to see what we were sniffing.  I imagine he thought it was drugs.

Although sniffing lube isn’t illegal, it is still pretty embarrassing.    My friend held up the bottle for the policeman to see but he wanted me to hand it over.  I twisted the cap back on and reluctantly gave him the bottle.  After examining the bottle, he handed it back to me and informed us that public sex was a misdemeanor and suggested we move along!

Sex toys and children don’t mix…

A friend recently returned from a trip to New Orleans where she was visiting a child in college.  She had a wonderful time but since she and her husband spend every weekend at either a lifestyle event or swing club, it was very tame.

After taking her son and his roommate out for dinner, they walked my friend back to the hotel as they were heading out to meet friends.  After waiting a short time to make sure they were gone,  she headed out to see Bourbon Street at night.  She stopped at a bar and had a few drinks while mingling with the locals.

Soon after, she decided to take a walk down the street to see what was there.  She passed a shop that sold adult items and she walked in.  Excited to see such interesting toys, she decided to buy a friend an early birthday present:  a giant pink strap on.  They dropped her stuff in a plastic bag and she headed back toward the hotel.

As she was walking through the lobby, her son was talking to the person at the front desk.  When he spotted her, he rushed over to talk to her.  He had left his keys up in her room and needed them to get into his apartment.

They rode back up in the elevator together with his friend and she let them back into her room.  They seemed to be in no hurry to leave, so she sat on the edge of the bed and talked with them for a while.  She had to go to the bathroom so she got up from the bed and when she did, the package slid off the bed and the contents scattered across the floor.  Needless to say, she was mortified as the boys stared down at the pink strap on.  She chuckled and said it was a gag gift for a friend’s birthday.  She still gets upset just thinking about it.

Let’s be honest, sex happens

Although most swingers try very hard to keep the lifestyle a secret, it seems that something always happens to give others a clue that we are not as vanilla as we would like to have them believe.  Every time some embarrassing or revealing situation occurs or someone tells me about something that has happened to them, I wonder if most people don’t have secrets of their own.

I prefer my dog not bring condoms to my parents, but honestly, do they not have anything kinky going on in their life?  My neighbor can’t handle the thought that I would wear such sexy clothing?  Maybe she is using a strap on with her husband.  I don’t know!  For her sake, I hope they are doing something fun in their bedroom!  Does the policeman think lube is risqué?  Really?  With a job like his, I’m sure he has seen a whole lot more interesting things than that.  As for my friend’s son, he is in a fraternity.  Need I say more?

At least we are having fun!

One of the reasons I love the lifestyle so much is that we don’t pretend to be so puritanical.  We love sex, we have sex and we talk about sex.  We like to dress sexy and we like to have fun.  It would be impossible to revert to our old ways and I sincerely doubt that anyone in the lifestyle would want to.

Hopefully, in the future, people will loosen up and accept that sex is natural and normal.  I’m not expecting everyone to understand or participate in the lifestyle, I am just hoping that people will be open to the fact that it does exist and the people involved are just having fun with their partners.  It is an open and honest relationship that swingers have and hopefully one day, vanilla people will understand.

Until then, prepare yourself for the next mishap…

Be sure to check out our lifestyle jewelry!  New items arrive often and we are happy to create custom pieces!  https://www.swingersjewelry.net/jewelry-for-swingers/

Read more funny stories about swingers here: https://www.swingersjewelry.net/hilarious-swinger-situations/

A couple from Australia found a “very cute” swinger because of the jewelry!

 

 

Living in Australia we didn’t expect that after purchasing jewelry we would find another swinger very quickly.  How wrong we were.  We have only had our jewelry for about 3 weeks and were wearing it while out running some errands.  We stopped to grab a bite and while sitting in a corner booth, suddenly a man appeared out of nowwhere and was sitting next to me smiling.  We were  a bit confused but he pointed  to the pendant hanging from his necklace.  How wonderful this was!  Such a surprise and he’s quite cute to look at!  I am so pleased and wanted to thank you!  It really does help you spot other swingers and it really is around the world!  Bravo!

Infidelity and the lifestyle; how swinging helps couples avoid cheating on each other.

Happy couple clinking wine glasses
Happy couple clinking wine glasses

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

People who are not in the lifestyle, equate swinging with infidelity.  Obviously, for people who swing, this is absolutely untrue.   According to dictionary.com. infidelity means:

1.  marital disloyalty
2.  unfaithfulness
     Considering those two meanings, swingers are not being disloyal or unfaithful to their spouses.  Perhaps we should think of swingers as writng their own rules in their own marriages.  They have decided together, as a couple, to open their marriage to something more. Whether or not religious figures would agree that this is not adultery or infidelity is another topic altogether.

It is not uncommon to hear people who are not in the lifestyle to question why couples swing.  Besides that they imagine swingers to be perverted deviants, their perception of swingers is really off.  They have a hard time understanding why people would be open to having sex with someone other than their spouse.  More than that, they cannot fathom why swingers do not get upset with the fact that their significant others are doing this.

Let’s consider this:  if a department store invited you to visit anytime, and take what you needed for free, would you ever feel the need to steal something from them?   Silly question right?  How can you steal something if they are giving it to you for free?   Let’s say you are in school and need help on an exam and the teacher tells you anytime you don’t know an answer to just ask her and she will tell you. Would you need to copy off someone’s paper?  What would be the point?  The teacher has already offered the free help, right?  It is the same in the lifestyle.  Your partner offers to let you swing with other people, why would you need to do this behind their back?  That is not to say that it never happens because it probably does, but what it is the point?

It is very common when you speak with swingers to hear how surprised they were when they first entered the lifestyle to discover how in love swingers seemed to be.  It was exactly the opposite of what they had imagined.  If couples were so in love, what drove them into the lifestyle?  The best answer is probably honesty.

The relationship between a couple who chooses to swing has to be very open and honest.   In order to swing, they had to get to the point where they could admit that although they love each other, they would like to try something else.  It is normal for  couples to fall into a routine or rut with their sex life.  Some couples try to spice things up by watching porn, using toys, trying different positions or even going to strip clubs.  What happens when that is not enough?

For couples not in the lifestyle, unfortunately, they might look to someone else to fill that void.  Infidelity is exceptionally selfish.  One person in the couple chooses to find excitement that is lost with their partner while the other partner makes do with  the lack of fulfillment.  Sometimes both parts of the couple choose to be unfaithful to each other while maintaining  the facade of a wonderful marriage.  How long can that last?

When you consider the avenue swingers take, it seems more logical and loving.  Swinging is something couples do together.  They venture into the lifestyle as a couple not to find someone to replace their partner, but to find couples to spice up their sex life.  The excitement is something they experience together.  The only sneaking around these couples might be engaging in, is from their family and friends. Swinging creates a very strong bond;  you are naughty together.

When you consider the freedom that swinging brings to both members of the couple, who would feel the need to cheat?  Sure, there are always exceptions, but that shows a true character fault.  Generally speaking, swingers would agree that they have no reason to cheat.  Swinging helps them to avoid infedelity.

Many couples who have been in the lifestyle for many years reach different levels of comfort with separating while swinging.  Some couples have no problem allowing their significant other to play on their own while traveling or with friends they have met in the lifestyle.  They talk about how much pleasure they get just from hearing about the escapades of their partners.   The only request they make of each other is to tell them about what they do when they play on their own.  Some couples never separate and continue their swinging journey side by side.  Either way, the degree of trust and freedom is immeasurable compared with those not in the lifestyle.

Everyone is different and perhaps there are couples who never feel the desire to play outside their marriage.  It seems that number would be very low when you consider how rampant infidelity is.

My question to those not in the lifestyle is this:  why not try to explore together what both of you are secretly wishing for?  It is impossible to believe that every married adult at some point has not fantasized about having sex with someone else.  A neighbor, a  teacher, a coworker, someone famous or your spouse’s best friend.   The best part about swinging is that these are no longer secrets or fantasies!  You and your partner not only talk about what your sexual fantasies are, you experience them together.  What could be more honest and intimate than that?  That is what creates such a strong bond between swingers.   When you have everything you need at home, why would you need to go elsewhere?

Is a poor body image keeping you from enjoying ( or entering) the lifestyle?

Is a poor body image keeping you from feeling confident in the lifestyle?   Do you worry that having a less than perfect figure will make it hard to find couples who want to swing with you?

The lifestyle poses many challenges to both men and women.    It can be very difficult for someone if they are shy, insecure or become jealous easily.   It is even worse if someone has a poor self-image.  Having a positive self-image, especially regarding your body, is crucial if you are planning to swing.  Body image is defined as how you see yourself when you look in the mirror or how you picture yourself in your mind.  Sometimes these perceptions are accurate, but sometimes they are completely distorted. This image will affect how you carry yourself and how you interact with others.  Developing a positive body image and a healthy mental attitude is crucial to a person’s happiness and wellness.  It also plays a key role in success in the lifestyle.

Swing clubs, parties, and hotel takeovers are filled with scantily clad women wearing fishnet dresses, sexy lingerie,
and exotic mini skirts and dresses.  All of which show a lot of skin.  Many of these women are over the age of 40 and have bodies which indicate as much.  There are women who have beautiful, tight, fit bodies but they are not in the majority.  They are also not always the hottest or the most secure.  It seems that self-image plays a much larger role in what makes a woman desirable to both men and other women.  A beautiful, fit woman with poor body image (yes, there are many) seems to be less attractive to others than the overweight woman who is comfortable in her own skin. The lifestyle is not about the most attractive person or people, and it is important to remember that everyone is attracted to something different.  A person who is friendly and warm and seems genuinely interested in what you have to say will be much more attractive to you than someone who is the opposite; regardless of their physical appearance.

Men suffer from the same problem but regarding different aspects of their bodies.  Women tend to be focused on their weight, their breasts and any areas of their bodies they see as imperfect; cellulite on their thighs, a butt that is too large or too small, scars from past surgeries or c sections, etc.  Men tend to be more concerned with their height, their weight, their muscle mass and obviously the size of their penis, as compared with other men.  Interestingly enough, if you were to ask ten men to point out which woman they find most attractive, chances are you would get 6-7 different responses.  For women, it would probably be about the same.  Luckily, everyone is attracted to something different.   Imagine if everyone was attracted to the same person!

The lifestyle is supposed to be fun.  When people are too hung up about their bodies and their imperfections it can be a real downer.  Try to remember that swinging is for a short time and if you don’t take advantage of the moment, you will miss it.  Chances are if someone has chosen to swing with you, it is because they think it will be enjoyable.  If you cannot relax and savor the moment, you are not only wasting your night but the night of the person who is trying to have fun with you.  I sincerely doubt that while your partner for the evening is playing with you he is thinking about your thighs.  If, however, you are showing your insecurities regarding your thighs, he probably will look at them to decide if you are right.   When a woman is with a man who is less endowed than most, she will only care if it keeps him from being able to enjoy himself.  If he steps up and shows her he is confident with himself, she knows it will be a fun night regardless of his size.

Putting your insecurities aside for an evening will be in your best interest.   If you step into the play area with nothing but a smile, people will admire your confidence and appreciate that about you.  If you are open to people, they will look to join you, it’s that simple.  Big thighs, sagging boobs, cellulite and all, if you show people that you are ok with yourself, they will be ok with you.

Swing clubs, parties, and takeovers can be fun and exciting.  People come out to party and have a good time.  When you meet people, if they seem friendly and self-confident you are drawn to them.  If, on the other hand, you meet people who are shy and withdrawn, chances are you will move on to another couple.  It really is ok if you don’t think you are perfect because guess what?  Pretty much everyone else has the same insecurities that you have, the only difference is that they refuse to let it ruin their night!

Remember to check out our lifestyle jewelry!  New items are offered frequently and we are happy to take custom orders.

https://www.swingersjewelry.net/jewelry-for-swingers/

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Swingers: Why is it a secret that you are in the lifestyle?

 

Woman hiding under a hat wearing Partners ID lifestyle jewelry

 

Here it is, the year 2019!  Happy New Year!

It is normal to end one year and to begin a new one with some self reflection.  What you accomplished, what you did not, and to think ahead to the upcoming year.  Perhaps some of you make new years resolutions.  Whatever the case, it is normal to think about life during this time.

What are you hoping for this new year?

What do you hope this new year will bring?  Obviously, we all want world peace and good health.  Many wish for prosperity and other such things.  This is normal.  While I too, wish for these things, I also find myself continually asking myself about the things that never seem to change.  Sure, politics come to mind but that is another subject entirely.  For me, I cannot help but wonder why swinging is still seen as something taboo.  What on earth are we so ashamed of?

Are people still afraid to let others know that they are in the lifestyle?

Why do swingers feel the need to keep their lifestyle a secret?  I frequently hear swingers say that nobody knows that they are in the lifestyle.  They would die if someone found out.   Why is that?  What do people think when they hear someone they know is a swinger?  It reminds me of the time before I had ever had sex.   I couldn’t imagine how you could face the person you had sex with afterwards.  What would they think after they had seen you in such a compromising way?  How would others see you? Obviously I discovered that these fears were unfounded.  Nobody seemed to look at me any differently, and facing the guy who I was with was no problem.  So what is it that makes us fear discovery?

 What is it that swingers fear about exposure?

Curiousity got the best of me and so I started to ask swingers.  I asked a group of swingers if they are very religious, but they are not.  I wondered if their children were at an age that it would create confusion and uncertainty, but they are not.  Do they think they are doing something criminal or unethical?  They do not.  Hmm.  Would exposure embarrass them?   This question got a nod.   Embarrassed? Why?  In truth, swingers are doing something that most people wish they could do.  They have sex with others and it doesn’t destroy their marriage.  Why?  Because two consenting adults have agreed to enter into this together.  There are no lies or secrets.

Would friends and family alienate you if they found out you were having an affair?

Admitting that you are a swinger should be a lot less traumatic than admitting you are having an affair, no?  After all, one is cheating and lying to someone you say you are in love with, the other is not.  Cheaters sneak around, worrying that they will be caught.   Getting caught would disrupt their lives and the lives of those around them.  Swingers, on the other hand, are out having a great time together.  They are out enjoying parties and events with their significant other.  This is something that others only dream of.

I wonder how many swingers are truly living this lifestyle unbeknownst to their friends and family.  Probably not nearly as many as believe they are.  Often times I watch swingers arrive at a club clad in an over sized trench coat in the middle of the summer.  When I ask these women if their family or neighbors don’t find this strange they say they don’t think so.  Really?  It’s 90 degrees outside and you leave your house or condo wearing a trench coat cinched at the waste with stiletto heels and nobody thinks that’s odd?

What happens to couples who come clean about the lifestyle?

Many swingers have said that when they finally decided to disclose to friends and family that they were swingers, many were not surprised.  Many said they had known about it for years but understood the swinger couple wanted to keep it to themselves.  (If these were the trench coat women, it’s no wonder people knew.)

What about the family and friends who did not suspect this person or couple was in the lifestyle?  What was their reaction?  Were they shocked and appalled?  Not according to the people I have spoken with.  Most said that more than anything, they were curious about swinging.  They asked a lot of questions but did not seem to have a negative reaction.  Many couples said that both friends and many family members (mostly siblings), eventually asked if they could tag along one night to see what it was all about.

Stop apologizing for your lifestyle choices; it’s your life and your decision to make.

Like any other group, in order to gain acceptance, we must learn to stand up for what we believe in.  Swingers should not be ashamed of their lifestyle.  Obviously it is not necessary to divulge what you do when you are at a swing club, or party or other event.  Most people do not give blow by blow (pun intended) details to others about what they do in their bedrooms.  No need to reveal that you participated in a gang bang with 15+ men last Saturday. Nobody needs to know that you tried double penetration for the first time and loved it.  Many swingers don’t swap, and many people in the lifestyle are not swingers.  Enjoying the warm atmosphere that accompanies the lifestyle is a wonderful thing and people should not have to hide from it.

Why do people find it acceptable to learn that many famous couples are swingers?  Why are they held to a different standard than the rest of us.  Because they are famous?   Some are highly influential people and they do not deny that they are swingers.  Famous people frequently answer questions about their lifestyle and seem quite comfortable doing so.

What does wearing lifestyle jewelry actually say about you?

Wearing our jewelry means that you are open minded.  If you think about it, being a part of the lifestyle really doesn’t mean more than that.   If your children or parents told you the same thing, would it concern you?  Although it might surprise you, you would  be happy to see them happy.

When we initially came up with the concept for the jewelry, we had just this vision in mind.  Wear the jewelry with pride.  First of all, others do not know what it means.  Secondly, even if they did, what does it really say about you?  It says that you are an open minded person.

Let’s continue the movement to unite the lifestyle.  People in the lifestyle could really teach others a lot about relationships.  Honesty, respect and fun are the three hallmarks of the lifestyle.  What could be better than that?

To see our collection of lifestyle jewelry click here:  https://www.swingersjewelry.net/jewelry-for-swingers/page/2/

Lifestyle friends are the best friends you can have!

 

3 lifetsyle friends wearing Partners ID jewelry, smiling
3 lifetsyle friends wearing Partners ID jewelry, smiling

Lifestyle friends are the best friends you can have.  It occurred to me this morning when I got a call from a friend in the lifestyle.  This friend and her husband were away for the week and she wanted to catch up.  The  conversation opened with her telling me that she had finally tried double penetration during their stay at a lifestyle resort.  She then filled me in on all the sexy details of their trip.  She gave me blow by blow details of the parties, the playrooms even what she wore to the different events.  Luckily her husband had packed some viagra because towards the end of their stay he was in need!

When I hung up the phone I was smiling just thinking about all the fun they had.  Just then, my phone rang again and it was a very good friend who is not in the lifestyle.  When I asked how her weekend was, she told me it was great.  They had dinner with her husband’s law partners on Friday and went to a wine tasting on Saturday.  On Sunday she took a yoga class and that was all she had to report.

Hmm.  I wonder if they had sex.  I was tempted to ask but decided not to as it is not something we generally talk about.  She asked me how my weekend was and I said it was nice.  We went to a swing club on Friday and rolled home around 3:30 in the morning.    Saturday we hosted a party at our home and within an hour of our guests arriving, we were all naked in the hot tub having sex.  Some guests slept over and the party continued until late Sunday night.  Of course, I told her none of that but instead said we did the usual, nothing special, which in essence, is true.

When I was done on the phone it occurred to me that there is such a huge difference in my relationship with these two women.  One woman I have known for the past 25 years and the other for about two years.  I have had sex with one of their husbands, the other I have not.  I have played with one of the women, the other I have not even kissed.  We have shared everything from husbands, to underwear to sex toys.   My lifestyle friend knows the true me.  When I have a real issue, it is she to whom I turn, not the friend that I have known for 25 years.  That says a lot.

The depth of the relationship between lifestyle friends and vanilla friends cannot compare.  It was the first time I realized how well my vanilla friend would say she knows me when in fact, she does not really know very much about me at all.   When you must keep a secret that is such a huge part of who you are from someone, is that friendship not slightly tainted?

I think everyone in the lifestyle at some point, considers telling either friends or family about swinging.  Most people never reveal this to anyone in their outside life because they do not think people would find this acceptable.  They prefer to keep that part of their lives a secret, which is totally understandable.  There is no doubt that there are people who would not be okay with what swingers do.  Is that a reason to break a friendship?  Swingers are not looking to lose their vanilla friends because they swing but are their vanilla friends going to drift away if they find out?  Do men and women differ on this?  Are men more curious and less judgmental than women?

When we were new to the lifestyle we did confide in a couple that were close friends at the time.  We were not as available as we had been in the past and they were concerned.  Obviously they were shocked when we told them that we were spending time at a swing club.  It was awkward to get through dinner with them because after we confided in them,  the woman became very quiet.  The man waited until the next day and phoned my husband at work to ask him all about it.  He wanted to know if we would invite them to come with us to the club one night.  Clearly, this couple was not on the same page.  The woman basically disappeared from my life after that night and her husband remained friendly with my husband.

When you think about a “good friend” walking away because of your lifestyle choices, it makes you question the integrity of the friendship.  What does the fact that we swing have to do with our vanilla friends?   We haven’t actually changed as people.  We do enjoy activities which might not seem right to them but should they be judging us?  They were friendly with us for many years not having a clue that we went to strip clubs very often.  Having weekly lap dances by girls did not seem to make me lesser of a friend, but I suppose it’s because they did not know about it.

Lifestyle friends are more honest.  They are honest with their spouses and they are honest with themselves.  They are not afraid to be open and it makes for an incredibly enriching relationship.  Even if double penetration is not my thing, I would never judge her for participating in it.  It’s her body and her decision.  The best part is she knows I would never judge her for anything she chooses to do as long as it isn’t hurting anyone.    There are women who love to be a part of a gang bang.  They want upwards of 5, 10 maybe 15 men to have sex with in one night.  Never have I heard anyone in a swing club judge these women for what turns them on.  Who are we to judge?

Most couples would agree that over time the lifestyle creeps up on us and before we realize it, the majority of our friends are swingers.  Dinner parties for us do not include food and it doesn’t really matter what you are wearing to a party because it won’t stay on for long.  Sleepovers are common occurrences and we think nothing of sharing lube and sex toys.

My friend and her husband spent a weekend at our home not too long ago.  We naturally played with each other’s husband and after she asked me if I enjoyed it.  I said I did and she said, “I just wanted to make sure he took care of you or I would be mad at him.”  Of course, she was joking but is that not a good friend?    When I told her how I felt she said, “That’s what friends are for, no?”

Lifestyle friends are the kind of friends that you can count on for just about anything.  Although we share the sexual side of our lives with each other, that is not all it’s about.  It’s a community of close knit friends who can sit on each others laps on a nude beach and drink from each others glasses without anyone giving you a funny look.

With these friends you can say what’s on your mind and nobody will judge you for it.   If you give your friend’s husband a back massage (or blow job) there is no jealousy or concern.  You can speak openly about something of concern and you will notice ten people trying to help you sort things out.  Lifestyle friends are old enough to be our parents and young enough to be our children, yet age is not a factor in our friendship.

It’s a wonderful thing to know that there is a whole community out there that has your back.  Sure, vanilla friends can be wonderful, supportive and warm, but if they can’t know your true essence, they can only be so close.  I don’t keep secrets from my lifestyle friends but I cannot say the same about my vanilla friends.  That says it all.

Lifestyle jewelry makes the perfect gift for both your lifestyle friends and lovers!  Check out the jewelry here:

https://www.swingersjewelry.net/jewelry-for-swingers/

We are getting  new pieces in almost every day for the holidays so be sure to check back often.  Don’t see what you are looking for?  We custom design jewelry to meet your every need.  Simply send us an email and we will work with you to get what you want.

 

 

 

 

 

Swinging; how do I bring up the topic to my significant other?

Wearing Partners ID jewelry is a good way to meet others in the lifestyle.

The most common question asked of swingers seems to be, “How do I get my husband/wife/girlfriend, etc. into the lifestyle?”  There are many people out there who know about swinging and would like to swing, but don’t know how to bring up the subject.

We have gotten quite a few emails from people who actually ask us this question. I’m not sure how I became the “Dr. Ruth” of swinging but I really don’t mind trying to help.

The majority of the time, this question comes from a man, but we have had women ask us as well. The interesting part is that several of the people said the same thing. We talk about having sex with others when we are having sex and she seems really turned on by the thought.

It is always a good sign if you have a good sexual relationship and can talk about things before you bring this up. It would seem to me that when you approach the subject, it should not be in the bedroom. Many people like to fantasize to get excited but are not really prepared to act on these erotic imageries. Several men said their wives get very turned when talking about having sex with multiple men at once. The operative word here is talk. There is a good chance that she is not prepared to actually do this in real life. So how can you make this happen?

Try talking about how much you love when she/he is so turned on when the two of you have sex. You love that she likes to watch porn or to fantasize and it is amazing that the two of you can share this together. Mention that something you have always fantasized about was seeing other people have sex. Live sex, not on tv. How hot would that be?  This way you mention your desire to find a place where you can actually watch others having sex, but you are not making your partner feel that they will have to be a part of it.

Check her reaction to a suggestion such as watching live sex. Does she look at you like you are crazy or does she have a flicker of interest? If you get the ‘you’re crazy’ look, drop it and mention it again in a few days. This time maybe say you came across this swing club online or in a magazine or a newspaper. After a while, she might get used to the thought and should be willing to just go and take a look. Again, it is extremely important to let her know that you just want to see it. That is all you want. This is, the first step.

Most women I have met in the lifestyle agree that it was not their idea to enter a swing club or check out any type of lifestyle venue. It is almost always the man’s suggestion. However, I will tell you that the woman is the one who requests to return. That being said, the major obstacle for most couples, is getting your partner to walk through the front door for the first time.

The smartest approach for many men seems to be to give the woman control of the situation from the very beginning. When you are able to get her to agree to try it out for one night, encourage her to buy something new that will make her feel good. It is not important that she dress overly sexy, only that she feel good about herself. Try not to be overly eager about getting to the club or event. If you take a more casual attitude towards going, it will make her less nervous. Most important of all, is when you arrive for the evening, make sure she is your number one priority. Check to make sure she is comfortable. Make her feel special and attractive. If you walk in and start ogling all the other women, she will not like the environment from the get go. It is ok to be friendly, but let her take the lead and decide who she is comfortable talking to or not talking to. The same goes for a woman bringing a man. If you start to flirt with other people right away, your partner will feel insecure. Swinging must be about the two of you as a couple. If you leave your partner in the background during your visit, chances are, you will not be returning to any type of lifestyle event with them in the future.

The lifestyle is an amazing, exciting and warm environment. There is no real reason why anyone would not enjoy it, as long as it is approached the right way. The number one problem that couples seem to have, which stops them from ever getting comfortable in the lifestyle, is jealousy. Nobody enjoys feeling insecure or left out. If you do not make it a priority to see to it that your partner is comfortable, they will not want to put themselves in this situation again, and who can blame them?

When you are new to swining, it is very important to take your time. Do not enter the lifestyle and think you should swing right away. It is more important to get adjusted to the situation before you take the plunge. Make sure that when you think you are both ready to take the next step, you have discussed it and know what you are both comfortable with. Always make sure to notice if your significant other is ok if you do swap with another couple.

At the end of any night together it is a good idea to talk about the experience to make sure she/he was happy and comfortable with what happened. As long as you keep the lines of communication open from the start, you should have no trouble joining the lifestyle and making it a smooth transition. Swinging should be something wonderful for both members of a couple. It cannot work if one person is dragging the other person into it against their will.

Good luck and keep us posted!!

A unicorn explains why she is in the lifestyle and what she is looking for.

 

 

 

Unicorn wearing Partners ID jewelry
Unicorn wearing Partners ID jewelry

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

This blog was written for Partners ID by Kennedy M., a single woman in the lifestyle.

Most swingers prefer to keep the fact that they are in the lifestyle to themselves.  At times it can be challenging, especially when we find ourselves in situations that are hard to explain.  Imagine how hard it would be for vanilla people to wrap their minds around a unicorn!

Not long ago, while taking notes in a board room for an important client, I received an email with a subject line that said it was an important message from Joe (a close friend’s name).  I was busy and did not look at the return email address.  As soon as we took a break for a few minutes I scrolled down and clicked on it.  To my surprise there was a close up picture of a black man’s dick.  Before I could click delete, a male coworker was standing behind my chair asking if that was my new boyfriend.

When I am not blogging about my lifestyle experiences I have a job that is quite vanilla; complete with meetings in board rooms and client lunches.  For obvious reasons, I do not discuss my private life where I work.  When colleagues ask what I did over the weekend, I usually tell them, “The usual; a movie, some dinner” etc.  The company I work for would be horrified if they really knew how I spend my weekends.

I am a unicorn, a single girl in the swinger lifestyle, for those who do not know the term.

When I started swinging, I was not alone.  My boyfriend and I spent at least two night each week in our local swing club.   I was very much in love with my boyfriend and was heart broken when he ended it with little explanation.

I am not soured by this nor do I hate men.  Right now, I am wary of putting my heart out there again in fear that I will find myself in the same situation.

When I was finally ready to go back out after the breakup, I returned to a place where I felt very comfortable in the past.  My former boyfriend and I were swing club rats and spent at least two nights a week in our local establishment.  We had a nice circle of lifestyle friends, many of whom had reached out to me after the break up.

My first night out alone was a little bit scary.  Naturally, I was unsure how I would be received by some of the women.  Although I knew I was not looking to intrude on anyone’s relationship, would other people know that?  I had never really known any unicorns but had heard some women speaking poorly of them in the past.  The last thing I wanted was for people to think I had some ulterior motives for spending time in a swing club.

For the most part, the women were happy to see me and welcomed me with open arms.  One or two seemed a bit uncomfortable with all the attention the men lavished upon me (which I in no way sought out but as most unicorns will admit, it is hard to avoid).

The first few times I went to the club I felt a little awkward.  I needed people to make me feel like I belonged there.  It didn’t take long for couples (some I knew, some I did not) to ask me to join them in the back room.  After a period of time I started receiving invitations to parties.  Then men started asking me to accompany them to the club when their wives were out of town.   Although I do know other unicorns who have no problem with this, I have always declined the offers.   Whereas I knew why I was there, I wasn’t sure others understood why I chose to make a swing club my night life of choice.  It was hurtful when I overheard women asking each other what exactly I was looking for.

I will tell you “what I was, and still am, looking for.”  I love to dance, I love to dress sexy and I love to have fun.  I like to meet new people and I love to have sex; both with men and with women.  I like the comfort and the warmth of the lifestyle.  It’s a great place to go to as you do not need a date, or to make plans with others.  You just show up and hang with the people who are there.  You can spend an amazing night, have great sex and kiss the other people goodnight.  I can go home and sleep alone in my bed.  Nobody to answer to.  I can stay until 12 midnight or go home at 4am.  I can do what I want with no strings attached.

If I am looking for some one on one time, there are always single guys who are more than willing to spend the evening with a unicorn.  The best part is, I do not have to be alone with them.  We can choose a private room to play but I am not in a scary situation with a stranger.  If I want to be with a couple, no problem.  If I want a gang bang, that’s my choice.  The best part for me is that I leave alone.

I am not looking for a boyfriend, husband or anything else; just a good time.  That’s it, that’s all.  Obviously I cannot speak for every unicorn as we are all individuals.  Over time I have gotten to know a few who spend time in this swing club. We are definitely not all on the same page.  Personally, I will not go into the back room with someone else’s husband if she is not in the club to approve.  Most of the other girls have no problem with that.

I  will not date a married man with or without the wife’s permission.  I will only play with someone’s husband if she is present, but even then, I prefer to make it a threesome.  Most unicorns I have met don’t really have any rules.  They are out for themselves and offer no apologies for what they do.  They prefer to be alone for a variety of reasons and although they love the attention they get in the clubs, for the most part, they are not looking for anything more than a good time.

I have tried to imagine how I would feel if there was a unicorn around when my boyfriend and I were together at the club.  We did not really know of any at that time so it is hard to say.  If unicorns are respectful of other’s relationships then there should never be a problem.  I would suggest making sure that if you choose this route you pay a lot of attention to the women.  If you are flirting with their husband and ignoring them, this will be a problem for sure.  Since you have no one to offer to them, you must flirt with them as a couple.  Always try to put yourself in the woman’s shoes and ask yourself how you would feel if the situation were reversed.

Unicorns are a great addition to the lifestyle if they understand the rules of the game.  Some think they are the stars of the club because they get a lot of attention.  Perhaps it would be better to just think of yourself as another component to the lifestyle.  Although we bring an added element to the lifestyle, the lifestyle could easily exist without us.

Nobody ever asks what single men are looking for in the club.  Why the double standard?  It seems a question I hear often regarding unicorns.   Perhaps it would surprise people to hear that I am looking for sex just like they are.  It just so happens tothat I prefer the no strings attached variety.  I don’t want you to call me in the morning.  Really, I don’t.  More often that not, I also don’t want to play with you again.  It was fun once but I am not looking to repeat the experience regardless of how awesome it might have been.  I am not looking for you to cuddle with me or tell me how beautiful I am.  Please do not tell me about your problems and I will not bother you with mine.  The truth is, I don’t really care, I just want to enjoy my night out.

I do like to try new things and am very open minded.  Sometimes that seems to make some women feel  a little threatened.  I am not a slut or a whore because I am a sexual person.  When I was in a relationship I did not feel as free to explore things as I do now.  Perhaps that is why it is hard for you to relate, but that doesn’t really give you the right to judge.

People have asked me many times why I am not out looking for someone of my own.  It is a valid question but again, I am enjoying being by myself.  When I am ready to be in a relationship, I can assure you I will not be fishing for someone in a swing club.  Perhaps one day I will meet a nice single guy at a lifestyle event but who knows.  For now, I am very happy to be a unicorn and have no plans to change that any time soon.

 

An honest blog from a unicorn; you may be surprised by this!

 

We asked unicorns to please help others in the lifestyle to understand (honestly) why they are in the lifestyle and what they are looking for.  Here is one very honest answer.  It might surprise some people to read!

For those of you who are not familiar with the term, a unicorn refers to a single woman who swings.  They are hard to find in the lifestyle but are a curiosity to many people.  People seem to always want to know what brings a single woman into the lifestyle.

Here is her story:

I was married for 6 years and for 3 of those years my husband and I were in the lifestyle. Although we were happily married, we parted ways because he got a job overseas.   I could not bear to move there and leave my family behind.  My parents were not in good health and I am an only child. We are still friendly and perhaps one day we will reunite.

This is how I became a unicorn. As I live fairly close to the swing club my husband and I used to frequent, it was natural for me to return after he left.  I spend at least one or two nights a week in the club. Many people at this club were friends with us as a couple  so it is easy for me to be there alone. I love to dance and for the small price I pay, I have a full buffet dinner and breakfast. Can’t beat that!

There are a few reason why I remained in the lifestyle.  First of all, it is something that has been a part of my life for the past 5 years. Three of them during my marriage, 1 of them as part of a couple and now for this passed year, alone.

What am I looking for? First of all, as I mentioned, I like to dance. If I am being totally honest, sure, I hope to meet a man. Do I want to break up a marriage? No, of course not, but if the marriage is not stable to begin with, I have no control over that. There are married men who ask for my number and express an interest in seeing me outside of the club. It is palpable how many of you are waiting for me to respond absolutely not, I would never do that, but that would not be the truth.

The truth is I sometimes give out my number, it totally depends on the man and his situation. You can see which couples are connected when you are in a swing club. Some are clearly together but they do not really have a relationship. I know some women reading this will accuse me of creating a problem between a couple but the way I see it, it is the husband who is creating the problem. If he wasn’t with me, he would be with someone else. He is the one who is not being faithful.

I have no real interest in being “the other woman”. In the lifestyle, I am so desirable to couples and singles that if I accepted every offer for every party, event, sleepover, you name it, I would be busy 7 nights a week. It is a lot of fun to be the center of attention. I know when I am dancing, all male eyes are on me. Not because I am the most attractive woman, but because I am available and there is no puzzle to solve with matching spouses to each other.

You asked for honesty and I am trying to be completely honest. I am really looking to find someone to be in a relationship with and that is why I am in the lifestyle. Couples sometimes invite me for private weekends and If I am available, I go. Why not? It’s a free vacation and a chance for me to get to know the man more intimately. If his wife knows she can’t trust him, why does she go along with it? If she doesn’t realize what he is really looking for, the question is why doesn’t she know?

Although I do play with both men and women, I am not really bisexual. I go along because as a unicorn this is required. If I were to say I only play with men, I would not be so popular! There are a few other unicorns that frequent this swing club and we all try to be friendly with each other. We establish our territory in terms of who we prefer to end up with at the end of the night. For the most part, unicorns try to respect each other. We often dance together because that too, attracts a lot of attention.

I am not a bad person, just a bit lonely. I am looking for love just like anybody else. Going to a bar or a regular club feels less safe to me. Taking strange men home is always a risk and one that I prefer not to take. The swing club that I go to is on premise, which allows me to play there and go home alone (although, not always alone). I have met single men in the club but for some reason they seem a little bit less safe to me. It seems many of them are married as well.
Hopefully soon, I will meet a man and will no longer be a unicorn!  Although many will deny it, I think most unicorns feel the same way!

The lifestyle can be difficult for new swingers to navigate. Where should they start?

 

Couple looking to swingm

The lifestyle can be difficult for new swingers.  Where should they start?

Swinging used to be relatively easy for new couples to navigate.   The internet was not yet born.  Those who were looking to swing had to find ads in magazines or learn by word of mouth.  Naturally, swing clubs were pretty much the only place you could go to find a group of swingers.  Meet and greets and private parties were very difficult to find.  These were not things people were advertising in magazines.  There were no real choices to be made when it came to swinging.  If you wanted to see what it was all about, you would head out to a swing club.

With the popularity of the internet, this has all changed.  It is easy to look up swinger events, clubs and venues online. This, however, does not mean it is easy to figure out how to begin your swinging career!  Every blog you read tells you something different.  Some say online dating sites are the best while others say steer clear of them.  Some writers recommend visiting a swingers resort while others say that is a terrible introduction to swinging.

On your first night it will benefit you to be content to sit back and observe.

Every swinger was at one time new to the lifestyle, or in swingers terms a “newbie”.   The first time we went to a swing club, the manager gave us a tour.  When he was finished, we were left inside to fend for ourselves.  It was the first time I had ever felt like the two of us were one person.  Although we were together, we were actually alone.

We looked around the club and it felt like everyone knew each other.  There were clearly a bunch of different cliques of people.  As we sat and watched, we wondered how we would ever meet people.  It felt like everyone seemed to belong, except for us.  After assessing the situation (and throwing back a few shots), we got up the nerve to dance.  People on the dance floor smiled at us and one couple even came over and asked us if we were new.  Is it that obvious, I wondered?  We said we were and they introduced themselves.  With that, a couple they knew walked over and they turned their attention to the other couple. Since this was our first time at a swing club, we were content to just observe the crowd and go home early.

On your second visit you will have a better idea of how the club works; this will make it more comfortable.

A few weeks later, we decided to try it again.  This time I knew how to dress and what to expect.  That made a big difference in the way we handled ourselves when we walked in.   First of all, we decided to get there early so it was not very busy when we arrived.  We went right to the bar and got our drinks.

We looked around to see if we could find the couple that had introduced themselves to us on the dance floor, but they were not there.  There was a couple sitting on a couch by themselves so we walked over and asked if we could sit.  They were very friendly and seemed happy to meet a new couple.  We were not looking so much to swing with them, as we were looking to meet people to talk to.

Soon, the couch was filled with couples they knew, and they introduced us to them.  Just like that, on our second night in this swing club we had met about ten couples.  This is a very easy way for newbies to be introduced to swingers and the lifestyle.  Most of the couples we met that night were regulars at this club.  This meant that when we decided to return for another night, chances are, at least a few of them would be there so we wouldn’t have to be alone.

A swing club allowed us the opportunity to see what it was all about while taking it at our own pace. We did not feel any pressure to do anything that was out of our comfort zone.  Nobody was counting on us to make the night a success.  The club environment allows you the freedom to arrive and leave on your own schedule (unlike private parties, where people are counting on you). When we did not feel comfortable talking to a couple we simply left to dance or excused ourselves to get another drink.  People were both friendly and respectful.

Don’t rush the process, make sure you are both ready before you take the next step.

Nothing causes a couple to fail at swinging more than when one person is pushing the other to do something that makes them uncomfortable.  It is normal to get caught up in the excitement of the lifestyle but it is important to always consider your partners feelings.  If you would like to continue in the lifestyle with your partner, always keep this in mind.

Eventually, you will both be ready to take it to the next step.

When we felt ready, we took it to the next step all on our own.

What about meet and greets; are they a good place for newbies to start?

Some people feel that meet and greets are full of swingers who all know each other and are not looking to meet new people.  This is where I wholeheartedly disagree. Most swingers I know actually choose to go to meet and greets purely to meet new swingers. If they were not looking to meet new people, they would simply go to a swing club where the regulars are.

Meet and greets are designed to give couples who are new to the lifestyle, or new to the area, a chance to meet other swingers. Some of the couples we have met at meet and greets are swingers who do not like swing clubs and are looking for couples to invite out privately. This can be good or bad. If the couple are seasoned swingers, you might want to let them know you are new and are looking to take swinging step by step. The good thing about couples who are not new to the lifestyle is that they can help you navigate the whole process. The bad thing is, they might want you to move faster than what is comfortable for you. Communication is always very important in any swinging situation.

Lifestyle resorts and expos, would newbies feel comfortable in these environments?

Lifestyle expos and resorts can be a lot of fun, but if you are new to the lifestyle and just looking to see what it is all about, these types of venues can seem a bit hard core. Both are a lot of fun for swingers, but if swinging is new to your couple, these environments can be intimidating. Most people who attend conventions or go on swinging vacations are not new to the lifestyle. They have a limited amount of time and want to make the most of the vacation. At the last expo we attended, by the time we arrived (which was only few hours after it started), the party was in full swing with many couples already naked in the pool enjoying themselves. It was fine with us, but if we were newbies, it would have felt a little intimidating.

What about a swinger cruise?

Swinger cruises are also a wonderful vacation for those in the lifestyle but perhaps not the best place for new swingers to start. The biggest problem with a cruise for your first introduction to the lifestyle, is that you cannot walk away if you do not like it. Of course you do not have to swing, but the majority of people who choose a lifestyle cruise, do so, because they are looking to swing.

We see that we can sign up on a swinger dating site for a private party…

Some people who are new to swinging might think a private party would be an easy way to meet other swingers. After all, there are usually less people at a party than a club, so it is easier to talk to others. While this may be true, most private parties are for real swingers. When you attend a private party, people usually think if you are there, it is to play. Why else would you attend? For that reason, it is probably not the best place to start, unless you think that you want to swing your first night out, which is usually not the best idea.

How about trying to meet couples on swinger dating sites?  This seems easy…

Swinger dating sites are also great for swingers but may not be the best avenue for new swingers to take when trying to meet other couples. It can be difficult to navigate these sites when you are new to the lifestyle. Looking at photos (which frequently are not very current) and reading ages (again, not always honest) and profiles can be misleading. Trying to meet up with couples who cancel at the last minute or don’t respond to your emails can be frustrating. New swingers might take it personally while seasoned swingers have learned it is not personal. Many swingers also know what to look for when checking out online sites, while newbies do not. This can cause them to have a negative first experience.

So what’s the bottom line?  We are new to the lifestyle and would like to test the waters.

For these reasons, I  recommend to new swingers that the best place to start would probably be at a meet and greet. If you are lucky, you might meet another new couple and the four of you can venture out to a swing club together to get a feel for the lifestyle. Swing clubs sometimes also host meet and greets from time to time and this is even better. These events mix new swingers with those already in the lifestyle. This gives those who are new, a chance to see a swing club.   It also allows them the opportunity to meet both new and old swingers. It gives you the freedom to come and go as you please. Nobody expects anything from you. You can choose to sit back and observe or you can jump in and join the party.

The most important thing for new swingers is to communicate.

Whatever you decide for your first swinging experience, make sure to communicate with your partner both before you go and while you are there. Before making the decision to play with another couple, it is crucial that you decide this as a couple. If one person is not ready, it will only lead to disaster and very likely will stop your swinging career before it ever begins. The lifestyle is a wonderful thing if handled properly. Your partner must always be made to feel like your number one priority. You cannot enter a swinger environment and leave your partner to fend for themselves or to follow your every lead. Swinging must be done as a joint venture, especially at the beginning, to ensure success.  https://www.swingersjewelry.net/communicate/

The most important thing to remember is that this is supposed to be fun! If one of you is not having fun, then perhaps you need to back up and figure out why someone is not happy. Swinging is not for everyone and it will not work if one person is doing it for their partner. Again, communication is the key to success in the lifestyle.

Don’t forget to wear our lifestyle jewelry!

Wearing our lifestyle jewelry is another way to meet swingers.  Sold only through lifestyle sites and venues.  The jewelry allows you to be discreet yet will let other swingers know that you, too, are in the lifestyle.  Perfect for nights out in bars and clubs that don’t cater to swingers.  You’ll be surprised how quickly you will meet other swingers!  https://www.swingersjewelry.net/jewelry-for-swingers

Follow our blog for great stories from other swingers who have met each other simply because they were wearing our jewelry! https://www.swingersjewelry.net/lifestyle-2/

Good luck and have fun!