Dick vs. Brain; Which organ rules when swinging?

                             brain vs. dick

(We should warn you that this article is tongue in cheek.  This blog is written with a sarcastic overtone and should not be taken seriously!)

It makes me laugh when I hear women discuss how their husbands behave in a playroom at a swing club or any other swinging environment. Anything they discuss with their significant other prior to swinging, goes right out the window. No matter how hard they try to drop subtle hints to their significant other , the man seems oblivious. The problem is most notable in the play area of swing clubs or private parties.  It seems men are in total control until they get an erection Why is this?

Quite possibly, this problem can be explained like this:  As a man gets an erection, there is an increase in blood flow to the penis.  This blood must come from somewhere, right?  Perhaps the brain is depraved of the blood due to the redirecting of this needed blood to the penis.  As his respiration rate increases due to heavy bleeding, the brain is now also incurring a lack of sufficient oxygen.  This clouds his ability to think clearly.  How can we hold men accountable when their bodies are under such duress?  Their now throbbing dick has caused their brain to slow down.

Sounds like I have a problem with men, right? Actually, I don’t. I was reading a long forum thread on a website discussing this. Believe it or not, this was a man’s analysis of what occurs. He was begging forgiveness for all men, for the way they sometimes behave when they are excited. He asked his playmates and significant other to forgive:

His lack of overt interest in her because his erection required more attention than she.

He asked forgiveness for spending way more time using his mouth on her (rarely have I heard a woman complaining about this) but he was trying to become erect

Paying too much attention to his wife or girlfriend; it helps him to be more excited.

For never noticing that his wife was not interested in playing with his beautiful playmate’s husband.

For not noticing that the other man could not get an erection. He was too busy with the beautiful playmate he was with.

For allowing his dick to be in charge of both his mind and his body.

He went on to explain that he really cares about both the woman he arrives at the club and the woman he plays with.  His dick, from what he says, is the one in charge. Once they enter the back room, his brain has stopped trying to be in control because he learned early on that it was a useless battle.

I replied to his response and asked him if this only applies to the playroom or does this have something to do with his behavior in the bar area of a club. His honesty is refreshing and quite funny. The man wrote that his brain is in complete control before his clothing is removed. The problem seems to begin when he sees a woman that he is attracted toAt this point, control between his brain and dick .   it can become a tug of war.  He has discovered his dick is usually victorious over his brain.

He told me that when he and his wife started swinging, it was a huge issue. More often than not, they left the club or party in a fight. He felt bad about it but did not think he was the one to blame. It seemed to him that his wife was the one with the problem and he was a victim.

He took to the forum on a swinging site and started asking others for their opinion. After a while he realized that most people were giving him the same advice: communicate with your wife and find out what’s really bothering her. Start the conversation immediately after you leave the party (or club).

After their next evening out swinging, as soon as they got into the car, he turned to his wife.  He asked her if he had done something wrong. The first thing she brought up was their secret code. It is a word that they use to indicate whether or not the person has interest in a potential playmate.  Apparently my wife used the word 3 times that evening to indicate that she was not interested in playing with this particular man. OOPS! Guess who we played with that evening….

Second, we had a no kissing rule which I was very good about when we were having drinks prior to play time. Although she understands that sometimes the other person makes it hard not to kiss them back, he was the one who was initiating the kissing. My wife mentioned that she was tapping my arm to remind me but I did not seem to feel it.

Every conversation or rule that my wife and I had discussed, seemed to evaporate as soon as my clothing came off.   My brain no longer reminded me that we had certain expectations of each other when we swing.

That was when I had a revelation about playing with other women. All of this time I had been blaming my wife for being jealous and picking nonsense fights when she was strictly asking me to be accountable for my behavior. The truth is, she was right! My dick was calling all the shots and I allowed him to be in control!  I could not hear her trying to speak to me or feel her touching me while I was playing with someone else! The attention I had to give to keep my erection was dulling all of my other senses!

His wife, at other times, is the object of his attention. If he cannot get an erection, he often turns to watch his wife hoping that this will excite him. He will, at times, try to involve himself in her play with another man hoping she can help him. Other times, he interrupts his wife’s play to ask for her assistance. The wife is aware of why he does this and is happy to oblige. What bothers her is that if she tries to get his attention while he is busy playing, he is unaware of her.

What is the take away from this? This man said that he felt compelled to make a blanket apology for his dick’s actions. Working on this problem is a bit more difficult than he had anticipated. It seems his dick insists on his full attention but he is making a conscious effort to be more aware of his wife during playtime.

So there you have it, an explanation as to why men behave the way they do when swinging. Their dick is to blame for their erratic behavior. Do I think women are going to buy this? I will let you know what they say…

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Injections to help men combat erectile dysfunction; are they commonly used in the lifestyle?

Man using injections to get an erection
Sexy man in his underwear with Parnters ID necklace

At this point in time, everyone has heard of the medications to help men suffering from ED (erectile dysfunction).  The two most popular being Viagra and Cialis, although there are quite a few others out there.  We have all seen the ads on tv. There is the one with the couple in separate bathtubs (what is that about?) and the other with a  sexy woman with her come hither look to tout the drugs.

These drugs for erectile dysfunction have been on the market for many years now and it is probably safe to assume that the majority of men in the lifestyle (and perhaps out) have tried it at least one time.  It is probably also safe to assume that many men in the lifestyle have come to rely on these drugs when attending swing parties or lifestyle events. If you were to question the men about using these medications, they would tell you that they have no difficulty getting an erection, they just want to be sure there won’t be any problems.

It is really no secret that this is a huge issue for any man and for that, ladies, we must try to show compassion.  Let’s face it, we do not have the same pressures that men face when it comes to sex.    If we are not feeling it, we can still have sex.  Of course, we can also fake it;  both our desire and our orgasms, but when men have sex, they have to show up completely, every single time.

That can’t be easy.  Men also have reasons that they might not be in the mood, but once they commit to heading into the back room of a swing club or upstairs to a bedroom at a private party they better figure out how to achieve lift off!

You can hardly blame them for their desire to use ED medications.  Although they still have to become sexually aroused for the drug to work, it is much easier and the drug will take it from there.  That takes a lot of pressure off and men say they can enjoy the atmosphere more without the worry.  The nice part of these drugs is they work when you are ready for them and they still allow men to achieve orgasm.  Women can not really be sure if a man has taken it or not.

So what about this injectable drug?  What’s this about?  Men will actually stick a needle into their penis to get an erection?  Apparently some will.

This drug is called Caverject Impulse (which to me sounds like cadaver and dead bodies are hard…).  It is a serum which is injected directly into the penis.  It works by relaxing certain muscles in the penis and widening blood vessels, which increases blood flow to the penis and helps to cause an erection.   When used as directed by a physician, the erection should last about 30 minutes.

Hmm.  Seems that the men who are using it recreationally are using more than the recommended dose as their erections can last for 2-3 hours.

It is easy to spot men who are using injections.  The next time you visit the back room of a swing club notice the men who arrive in the back room with a raging hard on.  Usually they will be fondling themselves as this is necessary to get the drug working.  These are the men who are having lengthy conversations with people while their dicks are fully erect.  They walk to the bar for a drink and when they return, they are still erect!  It is pretty comical to watch, especially because they think nobody knows.

Here’s the interesting part.  Having researched this topic quite a bit, it seems women do not like this drug quite as much as men think they do.  Women prefer a natural hard on which is caused by her partner’s attraction to her and her touch.   She does not really have the desire to have sex for 2 or more hours, especially when she discovers you will not climax.  When you read what women have written on this subject it is hilarious.  Some talk about how after 30 minutes their minds wander to other things such as their grocery list, an upcoming doctor’s appointment, open school night, etc.  Others say that when they know their partner is planning to inject himself, she works doubly hard to make sure they find another couple to play with so it can be the other woman’s problem.

Perhaps men should consider how they would feel if the woman they were playing with did not climax.  Most men seem to get pleasure out of bringing their female partner to orgasm.  They think they would enjoy it if a woman was never ready to call it quits; that she would want to play for hours.  Are you sure? I’m not sure how many men are up to that task…

These medications were not designed for recreational use.  There are long term side effects from the injections that men would probably rather not know about.  As for drugs like Cialis and Viagra, these seem more acceptable to women as they allow men to function more normally.   They can be taken as little as 30-60 minutes before sex so for most men this is a good option.  Again, some men become psychologically dependent on these drugs to perform in swinger environments so if you can avoid getting started with them, it’s probably better.

The truth is, women know that men can have issues with performance and we know this is normal.  For men who are new to the lifestyle, having to perform while others are watching can be extremely intimidating.  It is not always easy for women to stay focused either, it’s just not as apparent.  Perhaps if men could approach this moment differently they would have less problems.  Instead of rushing into the back room and trying to get started immediately, men might benefit from relaxing and trying to focus on the woman they are with.  Block out the rest and concentrate on being with this one person.  And quite honestly, if it doesn’t happen it is ok too.  You can still enjoy each other and wait for next time…

 

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Why is it hard to get an erection when you are in an erotic situation?

Why is it hard to get an erection when you are in an erotic situation?

For most men, just the thought of a threesome, watching girl on girl or watching your wife have sex with another man will cause an instant erection.   Men fantasize about experiencing a swing club and believe that they will be rock hard when they enter the playroom for the first time.
Prior to entering the lifestyle, most men feel that they can count on their dicks to perform pretty much at will.  They get hard for their wives and their girlfriends and it doesn’t take much.  Pop in some porn and within moments they feel their erection.
Fast forward to a night in a swing club.  They enjoy the begininng of the evening with friends, maybe a beer or two, dance a little, flirt a little, then head into the back room.  Equipment failure in the back room of a swing club is extremely common.  It is not usually due to a man’s age as it can be more prevalent amongst younger guys than older.  It also is way more common with men who are new to the lifestyle.  They imagine their prowess in a situation like this, but often times it does play out as they expect.
How ironic is it that so many young guys have a hard time getting an erection when they are new to the back room?  I had always imagined that when I walked into the back room my first time, that every guy I saw, including my husband, would have a raging hard on.  Not so much…  You would think that with all there is to see (and touch and be touched), that guys would be unable to contain their erections.  Much to my surprise, after speaking with many men in the club, it can be quite the opposite.
This can be quite discouraging to newbies in the club.  They are young, they are virile, they have no problems like this at home. The never miss an erection when with their significant other or while watching porn or while fantasizing, but get them in a situation like this and wah, wah… equipment failure.  Why do you suppose this happens?  It is most likely due to inexperience and intimidation.  Some like to call it whiskey dick, but many men already know that drinking can create this problem and so they avoid alcohol.
 Having discussed this with men who have had this problem, they all say the same thing.  This problem goes away with time and experience in the lifestyle.  No question about it, many men will not take the chance that this could happen and they pop a Viagra or Cialis and even some opt for injections, but is this really necessary?  Probably not.  What is the root of the problem?  Are men afraid they can’t measure up to some of the other guys in the back?  As we see that the older men are not suffering as much as the younger ones,  this leads us back to experience.  I have been told that if the man pays attention to the girl he is with and stays focused, there is usually no issue.  The problem is when he is watching his wife or girlfriend and becomes distracted from the “task at hand”.    Men are busy watching other men play with their significant other and that can be challenging to their egos if the girl is having too much fun.   Perhaps the other man has bigger equipment than he does, or he is more active.  Who knows what the cause is; just know that it is perfectly normal and will get easier with time.
Most women have been in this type of a situation before if they are not new to the lifestyle.  Most women are compassionate and will do their best to find other ways to enjoy their time with this guy regardless.   If you do find yourself either in this situation or as a part of the situation just remember that we all know that this can happen and it is normal.  Sometimes just a little bit of attention from your wife or girlfriend can help things to get going again.  Even if it’s just not going to happen that night, beating yourself up about it won’t change anything for next time.  Putting yourself under pressure will only make things worse.
Just remember, nobody is judging…