Infidelity and the lifestyle; how swinging helps couples avoid cheating on each other.

Happy couple clinking wine glasses
Happy couple clinking wine glasses

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

People who are not in the lifestyle, equate swinging with infidelity.  Obviously, for people who swing, this is absolutely untrue.   According to dictionary.com. infidelity means:

1.  marital disloyalty
2.  unfaithfulness
     Considering those two meanings, swingers are not being disloyal or unfaithful to their spouses.  Perhaps we should think of swingers as writng their own rules in their own marriages.  They have decided together, as a couple, to open their marriage to something more. Whether or not religious figures would agree that this is not adultery or infidelity is another topic altogether.

It is not uncommon to hear people who are not in the lifestyle to question why couples swing.  Besides that they imagine swingers to be perverted deviants, their perception of swingers is really off.  They have a hard time understanding why people would be open to having sex with someone other than their spouse.  More than that, they cannot fathom why swingers do not get upset with the fact that their significant others are doing this.

Let’s consider this:  if a department store invited you to visit anytime, and take what you needed for free, would you ever feel the need to steal something from them?   Silly question right?  How can you steal something if they are giving it to you for free?   Let’s say you are in school and need help on an exam and the teacher tells you anytime you don’t know an answer to just ask her and she will tell you. Would you need to copy off someone’s paper?  What would be the point?  The teacher has already offered the free help, right?  It is the same in the lifestyle.  Your partner offers to let you swing with other people, why would you need to do this behind their back?  That is not to say that it never happens because it probably does, but what it is the point?

It is very common when you speak with swingers to hear how surprised they were when they first entered the lifestyle to discover how in love swingers seemed to be.  It was exactly the opposite of what they had imagined.  If couples were so in love, what drove them into the lifestyle?  The best answer is probably honesty.

The relationship between a couple who chooses to swing has to be very open and honest.   In order to swing, they had to get to the point where they could admit that although they love each other, they would like to try something else.  It is normal for  couples to fall into a routine or rut with their sex life.  Some couples try to spice things up by watching porn, using toys, trying different positions or even going to strip clubs.  What happens when that is not enough?

For couples not in the lifestyle, unfortunately, they might look to someone else to fill that void.  Infidelity is exceptionally selfish.  One person in the couple chooses to find excitement that is lost with their partner while the other partner makes do with  the lack of fulfillment.  Sometimes both parts of the couple choose to be unfaithful to each other while maintaining  the facade of a wonderful marriage.  How long can that last?

When you consider the avenue swingers take, it seems more logical and loving.  Swinging is something couples do together.  They venture into the lifestyle as a couple not to find someone to replace their partner, but to find couples to spice up their sex life.  The excitement is something they experience together.  The only sneaking around these couples might be engaging in, is from their family and friends. Swinging creates a very strong bond;  you are naughty together.

When you consider the freedom that swinging brings to both members of the couple, who would feel the need to cheat?  Sure, there are always exceptions, but that shows a true character fault.  Generally speaking, swingers would agree that they have no reason to cheat.  Swinging helps them to avoid infedelity.

Many couples who have been in the lifestyle for many years reach different levels of comfort with separating while swinging.  Some couples have no problem allowing their significant other to play on their own while traveling or with friends they have met in the lifestyle.  They talk about how much pleasure they get just from hearing about the escapades of their partners.   The only request they make of each other is to tell them about what they do when they play on their own.  Some couples never separate and continue their swinging journey side by side.  Either way, the degree of trust and freedom is immeasurable compared with those not in the lifestyle.

Everyone is different and perhaps there are couples who never feel the desire to play outside their marriage.  It seems that number would be very low when you consider how rampant infidelity is.

My question to those not in the lifestyle is this:  why not try to explore together what both of you are secretly wishing for?  It is impossible to believe that every married adult at some point has not fantasized about having sex with someone else.  A neighbor, a  teacher, a coworker, someone famous or your spouse’s best friend.   The best part about swinging is that these are no longer secrets or fantasies!  You and your partner not only talk about what your sexual fantasies are, you experience them together.  What could be more honest and intimate than that?  That is what creates such a strong bond between swingers.   When you have everything you need at home, why would you need to go elsewhere?

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How can you tell if another couple wants to swing with you?

A couple and single girl at a bar wearing Partners ID Jewelry
A couple and single girl at a bar wearing Partners ID Jewelry

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Swinging can sometimes feel like dating.  Remember in the past when you met someone and spent a fair amount of time wondering if they liked you?  Then you tried to decide if they liked you, or liked you liked you.   The only difference now, is that usually swingers are couples looking for other couples.  Although it sounds so simple, it is not.  Instead of the traditional one person seeking out another, it is now one couple (2 people) looking for another couple (2 more people).  That equals four people who must all be on the same page.  It might not sound that complicated but it can be.

The other part of this equation is wondering when you do meet other swingers, how to know which couples want to swing with you.  That too, can be complicated.  When you are dealing with a couple, maybe the man likes you, but his wife doesn’t like your husband (or vice versa).  The problems with four people are multiplied dramatically so it’s important to pay attention to signs and signals that other couples are giving you.

Swing clubs are a great place to meet other couples (or singles) to swing with. They have a sexy, night club atmosphere and most of the people who are there, are there to swing. This does not mean, however, that every couple you meet wants to swing with you. So how can you tell who is and who is not interested?

Most adults have learned that when they are in a social situation, they should be friendly and warm. We were taught to be polite and smile. If someone talks to us, we should have the common courtesy to listen and even join in the conversation. People in swing clubs, tend to be very friendly and welcoming to each other. So with all this smiling and kindness, how can we distinguish between people are who being polite and people who are interested in having sex?

For some couples, it’s not that hard to figure out, whereas for others, they seem to have no clue at all (think Sheldon Cooper). Here is a little quiz to help you determine if you are on the right track to finding other couples to play with:

You are sitting at the bar and a couple walks over. They are trying to get the bartender’s attention and since you are sitting there, they say hello. You and your significant other find them attractive so you try to engage them in conversation. They are friendly and answer your questions but as soon as the bartender hands them their drinks, they turn and walk away. Now, this should be an easy one…
This couple is interested, you have a shot: True or False

(False, clearly, they are not interested.)

Let’s try another, shall we? A couple is seated next to you on a couch. They seem friendly and you strike up a conversation with them. The husband answers your questions but the wife is not paying any attention. She is busy watching people on the dance floor. While you are talking to him, the husband turns and asks his wife if she wants to dance. They pop up and leave for the dance floor. Hm, what do you think?

A. They will be back in a few minutes and we will have another chance to win them over?

B. We have no shot let’s go find another couple.

If you chose A, you should probably keep reading until the end!

How about this situation: a couple approaches you while you are at the bar and asks if anyone is sitting in the seats next to you. You say no and the couple sits down. They introduce themselves and tell you it’s their first time in this club. They are friendly and you are encouraged that maybe this can work. You talk with them for a while and they get up to go and dance. After a few songs, they return to their seats next to you. A couple sits down on the other side of them and they turn to engage in conversation with them. You and your significant other walk around to join the two couples in conversation. They continue talking while you stand there. You don’t want to be rude so you patiently wait for them to introduce you to this couple. After a few minutes, nobody attempts to bring you into the conversation. You decide to go back to your seats at the bar.

A. No problem, in a few minutes they will turn back and chat with us.

B. Not looking good, they were just being friendly.
Don’t wait too long for this couple, it seems they have found a couple they prefer.

You meet a couple standing along side the dance floor. You try to engage them in conversation and although the wife is friendly, the husband is looking around while you are talking to him. He answers your questions but doesn’t ask you any. A few times you even had to repeat yourself because he didn’t hear you. His wife grabs his hand while you are talking to her.

A.  She’s hot and she’s friendly. She will persuade him to be with us.

B. Finding couples is harder than we thought. Let’s move on.

It’s B! When she grabbed his hand, she was trying to tell you something… He showed a clear disinterest from the get go.
You decide to dance and are enjoying the time with your wife. You notice a couple watching you and smiling. When you leave the dance floor they approach you at the bar. They are friendly and she greets you with a kiss on the cheek. The man is attentive to your wife and his wife is attentive to you. She plays with her hair while laughing at your jokes.

A.  This is it! We might actually have a chance with this couple!

B. They are just being friendly, I’m not sure if they really have any interest.

I hope you chose A! This was a gimme, a no brainer.

Believe it or not, we see this all the time. Couples who hang around when there is no chance what so ever that the couple they are clinging to have any interest in them. Sometimes all it really requires, is to pay close attention to what their body language is saying. If someone is standing with their arms crossed and a forced smile on their face, that should tell you that they are not interested. If someone touches you or is engaged in what you say, that’s a good sign. If they turn towards you and have a genuine (not fake) smile, think positive! If the person you are talking to is not making eye contact, walk away. If someone likes you, they will make you feel comfortable and important. They will be present in the moment with you. They will ask you questions and listen carefully to what you have to say. If someone is busy looking around to see what else is available, that means they have no real desire to be with you.

Although we always stress how important communication is, in this type of situation, nobody will tell you that they are not interested, it is just too rude. They will, however, do whatever they can with their body language to let you know. Non verbal cues are all you are going to get to let you know when a coupe is or is not interested. All you have to do, is pay attention to what it is they are trying to say.

Swinging should be fun but figuring out who wants to swing with you can sometimes be confusing! The more experience you have in the lifestyle the easier it will become! Good luck!

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Why the swinger lifestyle is good for you. Yes, I mean you!

Who knew that entering the lifestyle would have such an impact on my life?  Like many women, I was not the one who initiated the conversation regarding swing clubs.  To be fair, really, neither was my husband.  It was a stripper at a strip club and that should tell you something about us right away!  Why were we so chummy with the stripper in the first place?  The answer is that we were regulars for a few years.  She observed that I never looked happy to be in the strip club and she took a guess that I was there for my husband.  “Why not take your wife to a swing club” she asked one night.  I had never heard of a swing club and had no idea what it was.  A few weeks later, for my husband’s birthday I surprised him and said I wanted to check out a swing club.  I did not have to ask twice.
I have never been overly confident and having been married for 19 years, I never really thought about flirting with other men.  Sure, men were flirting with me all along but I chose to dismiss it and pretend not to notice.  That’s not to say I didn’t find men attractive or find myself at times attracted to other men, I did, but I never acted on it and tried my best to avoid them.
That was a long time ago as I have been in the lifestyle for about 10 years.  The lifestyle has taught me so much about myself and has given me a tremendous amount of confidence.  What I have learned since the beginning would have been very helpful to know as a 20 year old.  I’m not talking about sex, I’m talking about people and attitudes and friendliness and being open to both experiences and people.  It would be no problem today for me to walk into a bar by myself and make friends with little effort amongst a group of strangers.  Ten years ago I would have waited outside until my husband arrived to go into the bar with him.  Today, he would find me sitting at the bar with a drink in my hand chatting with the people around me.  If I were single, and there was an attractive man at the bar, I would think nothing of walking over and striking up a conversation.  Being single does not frighten me in the least.  Many married “vanilla” friends talk about how they would be totally lost without their spouse and would have no idea how to get back out and date.  They would be terrified by the thought of having to navigate a new relationship.  I sincerely doubt that the majority of people in the lifestyle would feel this way.  We are used to flirting and mingling and talking to total strangers.
It has also taught me about my body and that you do not have to be perfect to be attractive.  It has taught me that what I once thought made a person attractive is not necessarily universal.  When we first entered the lifestyle I imagined the most attractive women with the hottest bodies would be the most sought after by all the men in the club.  What I discovered is that beauty truly is in the eye of the beholder and what is attractive to one person is not necessarily attractive to another.  As a society I feel that magazines, movies and tv regularly make us believe that only the tall, slim, busty girls with perfect hair are what men are looking for, when in reality, men are all different with very different taste and very different ideas of what makes a woman attractive.  Same for women; what attracts one woman is vastly different from what attracts another.
I learned that it is ok to love sex!  When women love sex, they tend to think they must be a slut.  I thought my interest in playing with different guys when I was younger was wrong.  Friends used to ask,  “How many guys
have you slept with?”   When they were in their 20s and told me they had slept with only 5 men I would think OMG, I can never tell anyone the truth!  I never thought to count; I just knew I loved having sex!  The lifestyle taught me that there is nothing wrong with that.  It also has taught me to learn to express what I like in bed.  Most people prefer to know what the person they play with likes.
The lifestyle has taught me that we are only as “old” as we allow ourselves to be.  Many people believe that people over 50 should spend their evenings at restaurants or movies and be home by 11.  What else is there for them to do?  Nightclubs almost predominantly cater to people in their 20s and 30s.  Most people I know who are over 40 years old have no interest in spending an evening at a night club with younger people.  They feel uncomfortable dressing too sexy, they might not enjoy the same music, or how loud it is, and dancing next to someone who is so much younger than yourself can be awkward.  They look at you and wonder what you are doing there.  In a swing club, you get the same night club atmosphere where people are there to have a good time regardless of their age and nobody is judging you.  The freedom in a swing club is very liberating.  To be able to be yourself and show your sexuality as you please is fabulous.  Staying out until 3:00 in the morning on weekends makes you feel young again.  It is impossible to imagine going back to that ‘old person’ mentality after experiencing time in the lifestyle.
The people you meet in the lifestyle are so much different from people you will meet anyplace else.  The conversations are real and nothing is off limits.  I find our conversations with vanilla friends tend to be about our children and our jobs but with lifestyle friends it is about vacation experiences, parties, sex and lifestyle events.  We talk about sex because it is normal and not taboo.   Try talking to your vanilla friends about sex and watch them blush and look at you like you are perverse.
The lifestyle has made me feel alive!  I look forward to any time we spend in any lifestyle venue.  When we embarked upon creating the lifestyle jewelry it was an extension of our love for the whole environment and the people in it.  We are dedicated to continuing to try to make it easier for those of us in the lifestyle to find each other!  Party on people!
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It doesn’t get any hotter! A public sexual encounter because of the jewelry!

Sexual couple wearing Partners ID jewelry
Sexual couple wearing Partners ID jewelry

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

It was supposed to be an easy, comfortable night. Dinner, movie then get a few drinks before heading home.

It was all so unexpected. I arrived at the movies early with my husband to get good seats. We snacked on some popcorn and licorice and drank bottled water (which we had filed with white wine at home).

We saw people enter the theater and grab seats, sometimes saving one or two for friends or loved ones.

The trailer started and lights went down. We were happy to see the movie would begin soon.

I rested my hand on his leg and he put his hand on top of mine.

Well after the movie began, I leaned into my husband and whispered in his ear that I would be right back, I was going to the restroom.

After I washed my hands and was walking out of the restroom I noticed a good looking man was waiting next to the door. I looked at him because I knew I was alone in the bathroom. I wondered who he could be waiting for.

He saw me looking curiously at him. He lifted his arm to point to his wrist. I looked down and saw he wearing lifestyle jewelry. I smiled because I knew he must have seen mine! I was wearing beautiful earrings which dangled down to my shoulders.

He wanted to know if my husband and I would be willing to meet him and his wife for a drink after the movie. I told him we would (I know my husband very well). He leaned in to kiss my cheek and I turned and opened my mouth to kiss him. It was an unexpected surprise for him and he grabbed my ass and pulled me in to him. Next thing I know we are in a stall and he’s pulling down my panties while kissing me. It was quick and it was hot. I hadn’t had sex like that in a very long time (and yes, we are swingers, this was just so hot).

We decided to meet at a bar across the street after the movie.

I returned to my seat and my husband was caught up in the movie. I decided to wait until after to tell him about my experience.

I told him I had met someone in the restroom and agreed to meet them at the bar after the movie. He was fine with that so we hurried across the street to get out of the cold. We waited for them at the bar and I was happy to see that his wife was someone my husband would find attractive (always makes things easier)! They came over and we introduced ourselves.

Over drinks we told them how we had met at the restroom and had a quickie before heading back into the theater. His wife got very excited just hearing the story and put her hand on my husband’s leg. She told him it would seem only fair if the two of the them went to the restroom in the back and did the same. My husband was on his feet before anyone could respond and off they went.

Needless to say, this was the most incredible experience we have ever had with another couple. It was easy and spontaneous and so hot that we are still talking about it at night in bed!

We have seen them quite a few times and it has been amazing!

This is all thanks to the jewelry because without it, none of us would have known the other was in the lifestyle.

Thank you thank you thank you!!!!!

Kisses,

Tori and Jonathan
Michigan

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A unicorn explains why she is in the lifestyle and what she is looking for.

Unicorn wearing Partners ID jewelry
Unicorn wearing Partners ID jewelry

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

This blog was written for Partners ID by Kennedy M., a single woman in the lifestyle.

Most swingers prefer to keep the fact that they are in the lifestyle to themselves.  At times it can be challenging, especially when we find ourselves in situations that are hard to explain.  Imagine how hard it would be for vanilla people to wrap their minds around a unicorn!

Not long ago, while taking notes in a board room for an important client, I received an email with a subject line that said it was an important message from Joe (a close friend’s name).  I was busy and did not look at the return email address.  As soon as we took a break for a few minutes I scrolled down and clicked on it.  To my surprise there was a close up picture of a black man’s dick.  Before I could click delete, a male coworker was standing behind my chair asking if that was my new boyfriend.

When I am not blogging about my lifestyle experiences I have a job that is quite vanilla; complete with meetings in board rooms and client lunches.  For obvious reasons, I do not discuss my private life where I work.  When colleagues ask what I did over the weekend, I usually tell them, “The usual; a movie, some dinner” etc.  I am single and the company I work for would be horrified if they really knew how I spend my weekends.

I am a unicorn, a single girl in the swinger lifestyle, for those who do not know the term.

I did not discover swinging alone, but found myself single after a lengthy relationship in which we were a swinging couple.  I was very much in love with my boyfriend and was heart broken when he ended it with little explanation.

I am not soured by this nor do I hate men.  I am, however, wary of putting my heart out there again in fear that I will find myself in the same situation.

When I was finally ready to go back out after the breakup, I returned to a place where I felt very comfortable in the past.  My former boyfriend and I were swing club rats and spent at least two nights a week in our local establishment.  We had a nice circle of lifestyle friends, many of whom had reached out to me after the break up.

My first night out alone was a little bit scary.  I was unsure how I would be received by some of the women.  I knew I was not looking to intrude on anyone’s relationship but would they know that?  I had never really known any unicorn but had heard some women speaking poorly about them in the past.  I did not want that to be me.

For the most part, the women were happy to see me and welcomed me with open arms.  One or two seemed a bit uncomfortable with all the attention the men lavished upon me (which I in no way sought out but as most unicorns will admit, it is hard to avoid).

The first few times I went to the club I felt a little awkward.  I needed people to make me feel like I belonged there.  It didn’t take long for couples (some I knew, some I did not) to ask me to join them in the back room.  After a period of time I started receiving invitations to parties.  I also started having men ask me to accompany them to the club when their wives were out of town.   I have always declined to do this but I do know other unicorns who have no problem with this.   Although I knew why I was there, I wasn’t sure others understood why I chose to make a swing club my night life of choice.  I overheard women asking each other what exactly I was looking for.

I will tell you “what I was, and still am, looking for.”  I love to dance, I love to dress sexy and I love to have fun.  I like to meet new people and I love to have sex; both with men and with women.  I like the comfort and the warmth of the lifestyle.  It’s a great place to go to as you do not need a date, or to make plans with others.  You just show up and hang with the people who are there.  You can spend an amazing night, have great sex and kiss the other people goodnight.  I can go home and sleep alone in my bed.  Nobody to answer to.  I can stay until 12 midnight or go home at 4am.  I can do what I want with no strings attached.  If I am looking for some one on one time, there are always single guys who are more than willing to spend the evening with a unicorn.  The best part is, I do not have to be alone with them.  We can choose a private room to play but I am not in a scary situation with a stranger.  If I want to be with a couple, no problem.  If I want a gang bang, that’s my choice.  The best part for me is that I leave alone.  I am not looking for a boyfriend or a husband or anything else.  I am looking for a good time.  That’s it, that’s all.  I can not speak for every unicorn as we are all individuals.  I have gotten to know a few who spend time in this swing club and we are not all on the same page.  I will not go into the back room with someone else’s husband if she is not in the club to approve.  Most of the other girls have no problem with that.  I also will not date a married man with or without the wife’s permission.  I will only play with someone’s husband if she is present, but even then, I prefer to make it a threesome.  Most unicorns I have met don’t really have any rules.  They are out for themselves and offer no apologies for what they do.  They prefer to be alone for a variety of reasons and although they love the attention they get in the clubs, for the most part, they are not looking for anything more than a good time.

I have tried to imagine how I would feel if there was a unicorn around when my boyfriend and I were together at the club.  We did not really know of any at that time so it is hard to say.  If unicorns are respectful of other’s relationships then there should never be a problem.  I would suggest making sure that if you choose this route you pay a lot of attention to the women.  If you are flirting with their husband and ignoring them, this will be a problem for sure.  Since you have no one to offer to them, you must flirt with them as a couple.  Always try to put yourself in the woman’s shoes and ask yourself how you would feel if the situation were reversed.

Unicorns are a great addition to the lifestyle if they understand the rules of the game.  Some think they are the stars of the club because they get a lot of attention.  Perhaps it would be better to just think of yourself as another component to the lifestyle.  Although we bring an added element to the lifestyle, the lifestyle could easily exist without us.

Nobody ever asks what single men are looking for in the club.  Why the double standard?  It seems a question I hear often regarding unicorns.   I am looking for sex just like they are.  I just happen to prefer the no strings attached variety.  I don’t want you to call me in the morning.  Really, I don’t.  More often that not, I also don’t want to play with you again.  It was fun once but I am not looking to repeat the experience regardless of how awesome it might have been.  I am not looking for you to cuddle with me or tell me how beautiful I am.  Please do not tell me about your problems and I will not bother you with mine.  The truth is, I don’t really care, I just want to enjoy my night out.

I do like to try new things and am very open minded.  Sometimes that seems to make some women feel  a little threatened.  I am not a slut or a whore because I am a sexual person.  When I was in a relationship I did not feel as free to explore things as I do now.  Perhaps that is why it is hard for you to relate, but that doesn’t really give you the right to judge.

People have asked me many times why I am not out looking for someone of my own.  It is a valid question but again, I am enjoying being by myself.  When I am ready to be in a relationship, I can assure you I will not be fishing for someone in a swing club.  Perhaps one day I will meet a nice single guy at a lifestyle event but who knows.  For now, I am very happy to be a unicorn and have no plans to change that any time soon.

 

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Swingers: Why is it a secret that you are in the lifestyle?

Why do swingers feel the need to keep their lifestyle a secret?  I frequently hear people say that nobody knows that they are in the lifestyle.  They would die if someone found out.   Why is that?  At first I wondered if these people were very religious, but they are not.  I wondered if their children were at an age that it would create confusion and uncertainty, but they are not.  Do they think they are doing something criminal or unethical?  They do not.  Hmm.  Would exposure embarrass them?   This question got a nod.   Embarrassed, why?

Admitting that you are a swinger should be a lot less traumatic than admitting you are having an affair, no?  After all, one is cheating and lying to someone you say you are in love with, the other is not.  Swingers are out having a great time, enjoying parties and events that others can only dream of.  Cheaters are sneaking around, worrying that at any moment they will be caught, which would certainly disrupt their lives and the lives of those around them.

I wonder how many swingers are truly living this lifestyle unbeknownst to their friends and family.  Probably not nearly as many as believe they are.  Often times I watch swingers arrive at a club clad in an over sized trench coat in the middle of the summer.  When I ask these women if their family or neighbors don’t find this strange they say they don’t think so.  Really?  It’s 90 degrees outside and you leave your house or condo wearing a trench coat cinched at the waste with stiletto heels and nobody thinks that’s odd?

Many swingers have said that when they finally decided to reveal the truth about their lifestyle, their friends and family members were not surprised.  Many said they had known about it for years but understood the swinger couple wanted to keep it to themselves.  (If these were the trench coat women, it’s no wonder people knew.)

What about the family and friends who were told, who did not know anything or suspect anything about the lifestyle?  Were they shocked and appalled?  Not according to the people I have spoken with.  Most said that more than anything, they were curious about swinging.  They asked a lot of questions but did not seem to have a negative reaction.  Many couples said that both friends and many family members (mostly siblings), eventually asked if they could tag along one night to see what it was all about.

Swingers would be surprised (or maybe not) to learn how connected the lifestyle is; even for people in some type of lifestyle related business.  The industry is comprised of the most friendly, warm and helpful group of people.  All of us have one goal, and that is to unite the lifestyle community. Most people I work with all say the same thing:  I am more interested in connecting people in the lifestyle than in making money.  Sure, it is a business, but it is also very personal.  Who wouldn’t want to be associated with such a genuine group of people?  Most of them have said that their families and friends know they are swingers and take it in stride.  They felt no judgement when they told others about it and feel completely comfortable that people know.

Like any other group, in order to gain acceptance, we must learn to stand up for what we believe in.  Swingers should not be ashamed of their lifestyle.  Obviously it is not necessary to divulge what you do when you are at a swing club, or party or other event, any more than you would give blow by blow (pun intended) details to others about what you and your significant other do in your bedroom.  No need to reveal that you participated in a gang bang with 15+ men last Saturday or tried double penetration for the first time and loved it.  Many swingers don’t swap, and many people in the lifestyle are not swingers.  Enjoying the warm atmosphere that accompanies the lifestyle is a wonderful thing and people should not have to hide from it.

There are many well known actors and singers who are open about their lifestyle choices and for some reason, people find this ‘normal’ and acceptable.  Why?  Why are they held to a different standard than the rest of us.  Because they are famous?   Even with their disclosure they are still sought after and some of them are highly influential people.

Revealing to others that you are open minded should not be a negative thing.  After all, if you think about it, being a part of the lifestyle really doesn’t mean more than that.   If your children or parents told you the same thing, would it concern you?  Sure, at first it might come as a surprise but would you be upset or concerned?  Probably not.

When we initially came up with the concept for the jewelry, we had just this vision in mind.  Wear the jewelry with pride.  First of all, others do not know what it means.  Secondly, even if they did, what does it really say about you?  That you are open minded, nothing more.

Let’s continue the movement to unite the lifestyle.  There is a lot to be learned from people who choose to be apart of it.  Honesty, respect and fun are the three hallmarks of the lifestyle.  What could be better than that?

Why swing clubs have become so popular over the past 10 years.

Swing clubs are trending
Swing clubs are trending
 This might not be news to many people in the lifestyle but apparently swing clubs have become a hip place to be seen.  This is quite a contrast to the days when people would do anything to keep their visits to swing clubs a secret!  Although every state is different with regard to the legality of swing clubs, for those that have been fortunate enough to have club owners in their home town go to court and battle, the taste of victory is very sweet for them indeed.  The clubs that reside in legal areas have seen tremendous growth in their clientele over the last decade or so.  For most states, each county has its own laws regarding this, which makes it even better for the owners who put their time and money into making this happen.
The change in the atmosphere in clubs that are no longer underground has been dramatic.  Before they were legal it was very risky for couples to venture out to a club for the evening.  Many people tell stories of making sure to have enough cash in their pockets to be able to make bail if they were to get arrested, after all, who could they call?  Some people recall being terrified of having their names in the newspaper should the club get raided.  Police would drive by at opening time and scare clients away or sit in the parking lot making sure clients were too uncomfortable to go inside.  One thing these long time swingers remember the most was the fact that when they were in the club, every single person there, was a swinger who came to play.  Back then, nobody was going to take the risk just to “check it out”.  That is where the clubs have seen a total change.
Back when it was not legal,  swing clubs rarely had big crowds and generally hosted about 20-30 couples on a Saturday night.  They were sparsely decorated and tended to be rather small in size.  Today, some clubs boast more than ten thousand square feet and rival the swank decor of any hot Miami Beach or New York City night club.  It is not uncommon for the more popular swing clubs to host over 200 couples in a night.  The difference is, a much smaller percentage of couples are there to play.  The truth is, where else can you spend an evening that allows you to bring your own bottle, serves dinner and breakfast and has a dj until 3 in the morning?  While it is true that most clubs have a membership fee, the nightly fees are generally less expensive than a moderately priced restaurant would cost to eat dinner for two.  Swing clubs are night clubs where the atmosphere on every Saturday night is like New Year’s Eve.  What other clubs have a regular clientele like this where couples are looking to make friends?  I have never been to a vanilla club where people want to meet you and your husband or boyfriend; couples are either there to have fun alone or they come to the club with a group of friends
There are times when men bring women into a swing club and she does not even know what kind of a club it really is.  When you spend your evening up front, there is no reason to guess what happens behind the closed doors in the back of the club.  The women usually figure it out when they see people getting carried away on the dance floor or around the bar.  Especially when she realizes that nobody else is shocked except for her!  Porn playing on a large screen in the club is also a dead giveaway that something is not quite kosher.
There has been a surge in the number of young couples who visit swing clubs.  In prior years it was uncommon to see people under the age of 40 visting a swing club.  Today, there are groups which cater to the younger crowd and it has become quite common for the younger groups to out number the 40 year old plus crowd.
For newcomers, the atmosphere of a swing club can be intoxicating.  The energy, the friendliness and the fun to be had is like no other type of club environment.  The sexy dresses, the provocative dancing, the nudity and sexual overtures are tintillating to say the least.  The notion that just behind the closed doors in the back of the club is something that you had always considered forbidden and deviant.  Live sex, both for you to watch and participate in, is never far from your thoughts. This new generation of curious guests soon come to find this part of the club’s appeal; it’s risque and they are a part of it!
The lifestyle has been slow to gain any type of acceptance in most communities but with so many people exploring swing clubs and enjoying the atmosphere perhaps we are seeing a change in attitude.  People are able to enter the clubs and have a good time while noticing that the clientele in the clubs are made up of normal people who are not attacking each other or indiscriminately lusting after one another.  The image most people have of what goes on in a swing club is generally drastically different from what they find when they arrive.  The media has not been particularly helpful in portraying swingers over the years and people outside the lifestyle have no other frame of reference with which to base this on.
Swing clubs are not dungeons with leather clad freaks wearing masks and making unwanted sexual advances to anyone and everyone.  Most people are pleasantly surprised to discover that swing clubs are very similar to any other night club.  One of the aspects that sets swing clubs apart is the friendly clientele.  Couples looking to meet other couples and warmly welcoming to newcomers is something you will not see elsewhere.  Most couples are well dressed and extremely respectful of each other.  People don’t judge and this encourages many couples who might not feel as though they fit in at other types of clubs, to turn to swing clubs.
Moving forward, with this refreshing change in attitude toward the lifestyle and how it has become trendy to be a part of it, people should feel more confident that wearing the jewelry only indicates that they are open minded.  The jewelry shall remain only known to people in the lifestyle but remember that being in the lifestyle does not mean you are a swinger.  It simply tells others that you enjoy that atmosphere and are open to conversations regarding such.
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How big is too big? Hey guys, how do you measure up?

Man sleeping with big erection woman staring at him wearing Partners ID bracelet
Man sleeping with big erection woman staring at him wearing Partners ID bracelet
I imagine when men see this title they immediately click on it to see if I think they measure up.   It seems men are always wondering if they are big enough, and for those who think they are big enough, they wonder if they are the best because of this.  The funny thing is, if you ask almost any woman, she will tell you that although size matters to a degree, it really is what you do with it that matters most.
This is not a topic that required much investigating.  If you listen carefully, you will hear women discussing this frequently in the lifestyle.  Although there are some women who will say that they want the biggest one they can find, they seem to be a very small minority.  More often women say, “Too big is too big.”  Let’s face it, there is only so much room in there and when a man is too big, how does that work?  I have read articles that say you can judge who is a good fit for you if you compare hands.  Women with longer fingers tend to have more length inside whereas women with very short fingers do not.  That being said, if you have longer fingers you should be looking for a man who is larger and vice versa.
A good example of a man’s size not making him good in bed is evident in porn.  Almost every porn flick I have ever seen is about the same.  The man has an enormous penis, the woman gives him a blow job and he climbs on top or takes her from behind.  Ok ladies, is this your fantasy guy?  Sure he has a big dick but so what?  It is very rare for the guy to take care of the woman in porn.  She better hope she’s wet because clearly that was not his priority.  Now I personally do like a guy who’s well endowed but if I was not ready for him it would not be fun.  That is the whole point of what makes a man measure up.  When women say it is not the size but what he does with it, this is part of that equation.
Sexy man in his underwear with Parnters ID necklace
Sexy man in his underwear with Parnters ID necklace
Bigger is only better if you are ready for it and you are able to accommodate it.  A few weeks ago we were playing in the back room of a swing club and a couple came over to the spot next to us.  She was on her back and he took his towel off (already in an erection, I’m guessing he had an injection).  He climbs on top of her and she pushed him back and asked him, “Where ya goin’ with that?”  I couldn’t help but laugh because he looked confused.  She informed him that it was going to take more than that to get her ready.
There are men who are not so lucky and are abnormally small.  You would think they would not have much success in the lifestyle but I have discovered that this is not true.  They seem to make up for their short coming by paying extreme attention to their woman’s needs. This  is very appealing to many women.  By the time they are ready for intercourse, the woman they are playing with are usually very turned on and seem not to notice the size; they just want sex!
Something I have always wondered about is when a man is so large, it must be hard for him to enjoy blow jobs.  Women can only take so much in their mouths.  The smaller sized man has the advantage of the woman being able to deep throat him with no problem at all.  I do enjoy the challenge with the large guys but worry that they are not as fulfilled if I am unable to get to the base.
My true heros in the lifestyle are the women who seek out the most well endowed men for double penetration.  It would seem to me that this is where they might favor the smaller dicks!  Big guy up front, little guy in the back.  No?  Apparently not.
Whatever the case, size is relative.  Everyone likes something different and every man should feel confident with what they have.  You can be sure you measure up if you take the time to take care of your woman.  It works both ways; how would you feel if your woman did not take care of you?  You want the experience to be erotic and hot but it takes two to get there!
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Swinger dating site rejects; no validations for the dishonest!

Couple taking selfie for a swinger dating site
Couple taking selfie for a swinger dating site

 

 

 

Finding other couples to swing with can sometimes seem quite challenging. Swing clubs are a great way to meet other swingers but not everyone lives close enough to a club for this to be a viable option. For those who would like to find other swingers close to where they live, the internet offers many sites which are useful for swingers.

Swinger dating sites are a great tool for swingers. You sign up for a membership and it offers so much information that is helpful for both current swingers and for people looking to swing. The membership is not expensive but it is costly enough to prevent curiosity seekers from prying.

After signing up you are prompted to post photos of yourself and fill out a basic questionnaire. This will help other swingers to get to know more about you. This part of the process is very important. While it is normal to look through your photo albums to find the best possible pictures of yourself, make sure the pictures actually looks like you today. If the picture was not taken in the past few months, don’t post it. People don’t care what you used to look like, nor do they care that at a certain angle your photo makes you look 20 pounds thinner. They simply want to know what you really look like.

Once you have posted your new swinger profile, you are ready to start looking at other couple’s profiles. Perhaps you would like to try speed dating or look for a local public or private party in your area. For those who would like to try a swing club, most offer directories and reviews of clubs all across the US and Canada. The forums are a good resource to ask questions and get more information about swinging. Hopefully, you will be able to find what you are looking for by using this online site (or sites).

If finding other swingers on dating sites is so easy, why do people have difficulties when meeting others in person? It almost always comes back to the same reason: their pictures do not look like them. This is such a common problem that many swingers actually write on their profile that they prefer couples who do not look like their photos to please not contact them. Some profiles are less polite about it and they write things like: If you show up and you don’t look like your photos, we will leave.

It might seem harsh and even shallow for couples to be so adamant about people posting current photos, but we know first hand that people are serious about this problem. They are not afraid to walk away when someone misrepresents who they are.

We were in a swing club recently and witnessed a couple enter the club. They looked around and a couple sitting towards the back of the club waved to them. They looked at each other and slowly made their way over to the couple who had waved to them. You could tell by the look on their faces that something was wrong. They introduced themselves and sat down. The woman was very gracious and was talking to the couple but the man was looking all around the club and ignoring them. The two couples were very different. The couple who entered the club was probably in their late 40s to early 50s. The couple who waved them over were at least 10 to 15 years older than them. The younger couple was in good shape and dressed very chic, while the older couple was neither. The older couple was both overweight and not quite fashion-forward.

We watched them for a few minutes and left for the dance floor. Not long after, the younger couple appeared on the dance floor. When we went back to our seats, they followed us and sat down next to us. The man excused himself to go and pick up their drinks, which they left sitting on a table with the older couple they had met earlier. The woman explained that they had met them online and sure enough, their pictures were completely misleading. She pulled out her phone and showed us the pictures the older couple has on their profile. Not only did I question if the pictures were even of this couple but they claimed to be in their late 40s, which is absolutely impossible.

This is a perfect example of why posting old photos or shaving years off of your age does not work. Sure, it makes for a great profile and perhaps maybe people will contact you, but what happens when you have to meet someone in person?

I initially felt sorry for the older couple as they looked disappointed and rejected. When I said something, the couple who sat down with us pointed out that they were the ones who were disappointed and annoyed. They had changed their plans to accommodate this couple and it was a complete waste of their time. Had they known what this couple really looked like, and known their true age, they would have known they were not compatible and would not have wasted their time meeting them. They felt the other couple was wrong for pretending to be something they are not.

What inspires couples to create such misleading profiles? Is it possible that they think they look like their old photos? Do they not notice the extra 20 pounds they have gained since they took that picture? Perhaps they are simply afraid that nobody will contact them if they are completely honest. Maybe, they think that at least this way, couples will meet them and they will have a chance to win them over with their bright smiles and quick wit. It is possible,

Whatever the reason for this, it is wrong. The whole point in posting photos and filling out profiles is to try to find couples who are a good match for each other. Just because you are attracted to certain couples, it does not mean they will be attracted to you. If your profile is honest, your chances of a successful rendezvous is much higher than if you are dishonest. Swinging should be fun! If you approach it in a positive honest way, it will be!

Here is a list of some swinger dating sites to check out ( in no particular order):

https://www.kasidie.com

https://www.ASNLifestyle

https://www.SDC.com

https://www.quiver.us

https://www.SLS.com

https://www.adultfriendfinder

https://www.swingtowns.com

http://www.mixingsexy.com

https://www.lifestylelocker.net

http://www.socialswinging.com

http://swingersuk.net

http://www.swingerzonecentral.com

https://www.fabswingers.com

https://swingular.com

https://lovevoodoo.com/

https://www.lifestylelounge.com

https://www.swingingheaven.co.uk

https://www.local-swingers.co.uk

https://www.swinger-nation.co.uk

This site is a wonderful tool to research swing clubs, complete with reviews from swingers:    http://www.sexparty.directory  

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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We wore our jewelry in Hawaii and had a hot time when someone spotted us!

Sexy woman poolside at resort in Hawaii
Sexy woman poolside at resort in Hawaii

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Dear Partners ID,

We purchased jewelry from you last winter and wanted to tell you about our sexy adventure in Hawaii.

My husband and I took a vacation in March to a resort in Mauna Kea Beach, Hawaii. It was so beautiful but it was just the two of us. We were simply looking to get away from it all for a week so we thought Hawaii would be a good place to go.

We are swingers (obviously) and do spend a lot of time doing lifestyle type things. Once a year we take a trip alone to get away from it all. Wherever we do go, we wear our jewelry, just in case!

It was our third day there and we were enjoying the beautiful weather. We had done some exploring the day before so we decided to just relax by the pool. The sun was hot so we slipped off our jewelry, left it with our things on our chairs and headed into the pool. We climbed onto some rafts and enjoyed a long time just soaking up the sun.

When we got back to our chairs, someone had left a piece of paper sitting on top of our bags. My husband picked it up and read it. He was excited and showed it to me. The note said that someone had seen our jewelry and was wondering if we would like to meet this evening in the bar for some drinks!! It named the place to meet and said to be there at 9:00 if we were interested. We looked around to see if we could figure out who it was from, but nobody seemed to be paying any attention to us.

We spent the rest of the day like two spies, trying to figure out who the other swingers were. There was no doubt that we were going to meet this couple but we were both hoping to figure out who they were before we went.

After looking over our shoulders all day, we never could find the other swingers but were excited at the prospect of a fun evening. We showered, headed downstairs for some dinner and talked about the evening ahead. We looked around the restaurant hoping to spot another couple wearing the jewelry but it was very crowded and impossible to see most of the people.

At 8:30 we headed over to the bar to have a chance to check out some of the other couples. We ordered some drinks and watched the door. As couples entered the bar we tried to guess which ones it could be. At around ten to nine, a couple appeared at the bar and we both got excited. They were good looking, holding hands and smiling. They looked over at us and without thinking, I waved to them. They walked over and we asked them to join us for a drink. They introduced themselves and sat down. We were about to ask about the note when a tall man appeared at the table. He said, “I see you got my note. My name is Jules and I will be at the bar.” My husband and I looked at each other and we were in shock! It was a single guy and now we had this random couple sitting at our table! We looked at each other and I knew we were thinking the same thing. Maybe this couple swings but how do we ask? We told them we had met this other man at the pool because he spotted our jewelry. They looked at each other and told us it was very beautiful jewelry. Clearly, they had no clue. We explained that we had made plans earlier to meet him here and we didn’t want to be rude. They seemed confused but no big deal, they said maybe they would see us at the pool tomorrow. We got up and headed over to the bar.

Jules was the bartender at the pool area during the day and had spotted us wearing our jewelry. This explained why we didn’t notice him! He was very good looking and eager to be with some new people. He said there are plenty of swingers in Hawaii, on all the islands as far as he knows but it’s always fun to meet new people. We had a few drinks and headed up to our room for a night of fun!

The best part was, he was off the following day so he took us to see some of the local sites and hang with people who were from the island. It was wonderful and we wanted to thank you because obviously in a million years, without the jewelry, we would never have met him and had this opportunity!

My husband gave him his necklace to keep as a reminder of a fun day! He was so grateful! Now, we have to order a new necklace (maybe a bracelet this time).

We will keep you posted when we have another great experience like this! I doubt this will be the only one!

 

Hugs!

Cameron and Justin
Chicago

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