This Thanksgiving , don’t forget to be thankful for the lifestyle!

 

I think it is safe to say that these days, people have learned not to take things for granted. For those of us who have been fortunate and are in good health, Thanksgiving seems like the right time to take notice.  It seems every time you turn on your television or computer there is news of yet another tragic event.  Between school shootings, random killings, political discourse, natural disasters, etc. it is becoming very difficult to ignore the fact that so many people are suffering.

Thanksgiving is the perfect time to sit back and count your blessings. First of all, it is important to be grateful for all of the positive things in your life.  It helps to diminish the things we worry about that really are not all that important.  

When considering all of the thing in your life that you are thankful for, don’t forget to include the lifestyle.  For those of us who are fortunate enough to be in the lifestyle, do we tend to take it for granted?  Imagine how many of your friends and colleagues would like to spend just one evening in your shoes!  Swing clubs, private parties, cruises, take overs, resorts, you name it!   For most people, once you have experienced the lifestyle, you do not want to be out.  Why is that?  What is so special about the lifestyle?

What comes to mind for most people would probably be the sex.  The sex is what makes the lifestyle so special.  Being able to have an open marriage and sleep with others has got to be the best thing ever!  Right?  Sure, sex plays a big part in the lifestyle, but that is not what makes it the most special.

Besides the sex, what is so great about the lifestyle?  Most importantly, it would have to be the people.  The lifestyle is the only place where you will always be surrounded by people who just want to have a good time.  There is a time and a place for serious conversations and complaining about all of the world’s problems, but not here.  Swinger events are about joy.  People do not want to spend their day or night thinking about the latest school shooting or the political problems of the world.  The lifestyle is a place to put that aside and enjoy yourself.  

People who are in the lifestyle tend to be very open minded.  That extends far beyond their mentality towards sex.  Most people are not racist, homophobic, prejudiced or judgmental.  Swing clubs are home to every race, religion and gender.  People are welcoming and warm. 

The bottom line?  As you sit around the table and gives thanks for everything in your life that you are grateful for, don’t forget to include the lifestyle.  Perhaps you do not want to say that out loud. Simply give your partner that look and they will know what you’re thinking!

Happy Thanksgiving from Partners ID!!  Enjoy your turkey!

Remember to order your holiday jewelry early for the best selection!  Many pieces are one of a kind and will not be duplicated.  Lifestyle jewelry is the perfect gift for all of your lifestyle friends, lovers and hosts!  See the jewelry here:

https://www.swingersjewelry.net/jewelry-for-swingers/

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A unicorn explains why she is in the lifestyle and what she is looking for.

 

 

 

Unicorn wearing Partners ID jewelry
Unicorn wearing Partners ID jewelry

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

This blog was written for Partners ID by Kennedy M., a single woman in the lifestyle.

Most swingers prefer to keep the fact that they are in the lifestyle to themselves.  At times it can be challenging, especially when we find ourselves in situations that are hard to explain.  Imagine how hard it would be for vanilla people to wrap their minds around a unicorn!

Not long ago, while taking notes in a board room for an important client, I received an email with a subject line that said it was an important message from Joe (a close friend’s name).  I was busy and did not look at the return email address.  As soon as we took a break for a few minutes I scrolled down and clicked on it.  To my surprise there was a close up picture of a black man’s dick.  Before I could click delete, a male coworker was standing behind my chair asking if that was my new boyfriend.

When I am not blogging about my lifestyle experiences I have a job that is quite vanilla; complete with meetings in board rooms and client lunches.  For obvious reasons, I do not discuss my private life where I work.  When colleagues ask what I did over the weekend, I usually tell them, “The usual; a movie, some dinner” etc.  The company I work for would be horrified if they really knew how I spend my weekends.

I am a unicorn, a single girl in the swinger lifestyle, for those who do not know the term.

When I started swinging, I was not alone.  My boyfriend and I spent at least two night each week in our local swing club.   I was very much in love with my boyfriend and was heart broken when he ended it with little explanation.

I am not soured by this nor do I hate men.  Right now, I am wary of putting my heart out there again in fear that I will find myself in the same situation.

When I was finally ready to go back out after the breakup, I returned to a place where I felt very comfortable in the past.  My former boyfriend and I were swing club rats and spent at least two nights a week in our local establishment.  We had a nice circle of lifestyle friends, many of whom had reached out to me after the break up.

My first night out alone was a little bit scary.  Naturally, I was unsure how I would be received by some of the women.  Although I knew I was not looking to intrude on anyone’s relationship, would other people know that?  I had never really known any unicorns but had heard some women speaking poorly of them in the past.  The last thing I wanted was for people to think I had some ulterior motives for spending time in a swing club.

For the most part, the women were happy to see me and welcomed me with open arms.  One or two seemed a bit uncomfortable with all the attention the men lavished upon me (which I in no way sought out but as most unicorns will admit, it is hard to avoid).

The first few times I went to the club I felt a little awkward.  I needed people to make me feel like I belonged there.  It didn’t take long for couples (some I knew, some I did not) to ask me to join them in the back room.  After a period of time I started receiving invitations to parties.  Then men started asking me to accompany them to the club when their wives were out of town.   Although I do know other unicorns who have no problem with this, I have always declined the offers.   Whereas I knew why I was there, I wasn’t sure others understood why I chose to make a swing club my night life of choice.  It was hurtful when I overheard women asking each other what exactly I was looking for.

I will tell you “what I was, and still am, looking for.”  I love to dance, I love to dress sexy and I love to have fun.  I like to meet new people and I love to have sex; both with men and with women.  I like the comfort and the warmth of the lifestyle.  It’s a great place to go to as you do not need a date, or to make plans with others.  You just show up and hang with the people who are there.  You can spend an amazing night, have great sex and kiss the other people goodnight.  I can go home and sleep alone in my bed.  Nobody to answer to.  I can stay until 12 midnight or go home at 4am.  I can do what I want with no strings attached.

If I am looking for some one on one time, there are always single guys who are more than willing to spend the evening with a unicorn.  The best part is, I do not have to be alone with them.  We can choose a private room to play but I am not in a scary situation with a stranger.  If I want to be with a couple, no problem.  If I want a gang bang, that’s my choice.  The best part for me is that I leave alone.

I am not looking for a boyfriend, husband or anything else; just a good time.  That’s it, that’s all.  Obviously I cannot speak for every unicorn as we are all individuals.  Over time I have gotten to know a few who spend time in this swing club. We are definitely not all on the same page.  Personally, I will not go into the back room with someone else’s husband if she is not in the club to approve.  Most of the other girls have no problem with that.

I  will not date a married man with or without the wife’s permission.  I will only play with someone’s husband if she is present, but even then, I prefer to make it a threesome.  Most unicorns I have met don’t really have any rules.  They are out for themselves and offer no apologies for what they do.  They prefer to be alone for a variety of reasons and although they love the attention they get in the clubs, for the most part, they are not looking for anything more than a good time.

I have tried to imagine how I would feel if there was a unicorn around when my boyfriend and I were together at the club.  We did not really know of any at that time so it is hard to say.  If unicorns are respectful of other’s relationships then there should never be a problem.  I would suggest making sure that if you choose this route you pay a lot of attention to the women.  If you are flirting with their husband and ignoring them, this will be a problem for sure.  Since you have no one to offer to them, you must flirt with them as a couple.  Always try to put yourself in the woman’s shoes and ask yourself how you would feel if the situation were reversed.

Unicorns are a great addition to the lifestyle if they understand the rules of the game.  Some think they are the stars of the club because they get a lot of attention.  Perhaps it would be better to just think of yourself as another component to the lifestyle.  Although we bring an added element to the lifestyle, the lifestyle could easily exist without us.

Nobody ever asks what single men are looking for in the club.  Why the double standard?  It seems a question I hear often regarding unicorns.   Perhaps it would surprise people to hear that I am looking for sex just like they are.  It just so happens tothat I prefer the no strings attached variety.  I don’t want you to call me in the morning.  Really, I don’t.  More often that not, I also don’t want to play with you again.  It was fun once but I am not looking to repeat the experience regardless of how awesome it might have been.  I am not looking for you to cuddle with me or tell me how beautiful I am.  Please do not tell me about your problems and I will not bother you with mine.  The truth is, I don’t really care, I just want to enjoy my night out.

I do like to try new things and am very open minded.  Sometimes that seems to make some women feel  a little threatened.  I am not a slut or a whore because I am a sexual person.  When I was in a relationship I did not feel as free to explore things as I do now.  Perhaps that is why it is hard for you to relate, but that doesn’t really give you the right to judge.

People have asked me many times why I am not out looking for someone of my own.  It is a valid question but again, I am enjoying being by myself.  When I am ready to be in a relationship, I can assure you I will not be fishing for someone in a swing club.  Perhaps one day I will meet a nice single guy at a lifestyle event but who knows.  For now, I am very happy to be a unicorn and have no plans to change that any time soon.

 

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Sex in Texas! A hotwife bank teller finds what she’s looking for!

Bank teller looking for sex

My husband and I have been married for 10 years and although I love him, I need more sex than he does.  At the beginning the sex was hot and often, but after a few years, he was happy to have sex twice a week.  For a while I simply satisfied myself, but after we discovered swinging, everything changed.  

Swinging woke him up sexually and that has been a positive for both of us.  More importantly is that I can go to a swing club and have sex with many men in one night.  My husband loves to watch and if he finds a woman he wants to play with, he likes to hear about what I was doing while he was busy.  

Although I love the sex I can have at a club, I discovered what I was really looking for was the freedom to have sex with other men.  As in, what I want, with who I want, when I want!  

I discussed this with my husband and he told me the thought of my meeting other men for sex was a huge turn on for him!  All he wanted was to hear all about it.  He suggested trying to video tape encounters on my phone so that he could watch what happens.  I wasn’t sure how many men would agree to this but I said I would do my best.

The only problem was, how to let men know that I am available.  I work in a bank and  I meet many men but flirting is frowned upon by management.  We had seen your jewelry before and decided that this would be a way to accomplish this!  Not only would I be able to let other swingers know that I am a swinger, but I love black men and so adding the queen of spade charm was perfect!

I did not meet someone right away but I got a lot of compliments on my necklace.  One of coworkers is obsessed with it which makes me laugh.  At first I thought maybe she was a swinger but she has no clue what it is.  

It took a while but finally I had a bite!  It was a regular customer and he simply handed me his deposit and his personal calling card together.  He smiled and told me to have a nice day.  I think I got wet just thinking about what this meant!  I sent him a text as soon as I was on a break and he responded right away!  He and his wife are swingers and they have an open marriage!  He is allowed to meet other women as long as he tells his wife!  

We met up for drinks the next night after work and headed right over to a motel nearby.  He was not open to the video idea but said my husband could listen in over the phone if that would make him happy.  The sex was incredibly hot and lasted quite a few hours.  We talked about the necklace and he asked about the extra charm.  I told him that I love black men (he is not) and he told me he knows quite a few from their circle of swingers.  He said he could ask them to call me if I liked.  This was unbelievable!  Needless to say, I was thrilled!

Long story short, I have been very busy after work and wanted to tell you that the jewelry definitely works!  

Hugs and kisses

Francesca

Dallas, TX

Check out the necklace this hotwife is wearing here:  https://www.swingersjewelry.net/product/spade/

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Swingers finding swingers in New York City.

Swingers posing for the camera wearing Partners ID jewelry

Dear Partners ID,

I love reading about how swingers have met each other wearing your jewelry! Our story isn’t as exotic as some of the others but I hope it is good enough to publish! 

We have been swingers for a long time, over 15 years, and when we heard about your jewelry we were hopeful that it would catch on.  There is no question that swingers need something like this.  We are so tired of trying to meet swingers through dating sites for all of the obvious reasons:  people lie about their age, show old pictures, don’t show up for planned meetings, etc.  

Anyway, we did buy jewelry, crossed our fingers that it would work and we wear it proudly.  Last weekend was our anniversary and my husband planned a romantic getaway for us in New York City.  Fancy hotel, tickets to a show, chic restaurants and even a carriage ride through Central Park.  What could be more exciting!  

We went to see Hamilton (which was as good as we had heard it was) and off to dinner after.  We tried to get a cab after the show but that was impossible.  We ended up walking the whole way back to the upper east side where our restaurant reservation was. (Quite painful in my beautiful new shoes!)  Of course we were very late so they had given our table away. They told us to wait at the bar for one to open up.  

A very nice man offered me his seat at the very crowded bar and I gladly accepted!  My husband in turn bought he and his wife a round of drinks and we chatted with them.  They asked us if we were planning anything after dinner and we were intrigued.  We have been in the lifestyle a long time and had the feeling this was something promising!  We asked what they had in mind and the wife lifted her purse off the bar to show it to me.  OMG!  I couldn’t believe it!  She had a gorgeous bag with your pendant on it!  How clever!  We laughed because my husband and I were both wearing pieces from your collection!

Needless to say, we had dinner with them and then headed back to their hotel room for a night of fun.  They told us they have met many couples because of the jewelry.  I told them they were our first but she did point out that she looks for it.  That is a good point because I had never thought to look.  Now I will!

Thanks!!!

Cindy and Rob

Charlotte, NC

If you would like to see the collection of lifestyle jewelry, click here:  https://www.swingersjewelry.net/jewelry-for-swingers/

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Picking up strangers for a sexual encounter; why this is not always a safe idea.

 

 

Sexual girl in bar wearing Partners ID jewelry

Swinging is a lot of fun and allows people to live out some of their sexual fantasies in a safe way.  You meet other swingers, you have sex, you go home.  But what happens when swingers want to push the envelope and see if they can wrangle in a vanilla person to fulfill their fantasy?  If this sounds exciting to you, perhaps there are things you should consider before taking this route.

Most swingers choose to keep the fact that they are in the lifestyle a secret. They go to great lengths to hide this from family, friends, coworkers and neighbors. Why do we do this? Well, let’s face it, people who are not in the lifestyle really do not understand the concept. Most people find swinging to be highly unethical and simply cannot imagine giving their partner permission to have sex with other people.  Although they have seen threesomes and gangbangs while watching porn, this is not something they want to explore for themselves.

Why then, do some swingers think that picking up an unsuspecting vanilla person for a sexual encounter is a good idea? Fantasies are a wonderful thing, but when people try to incorporate that into their real lives, with unsuspecting people, things can go very wrong.

I have heard stories of couples hitting on unsuspecting businessmen in hotel bars which had near disastrous consequences. Some couples send their wives into the bar to hit on the men. They don’t tell the men about the husband waiting upstairs until the man arrives at the room. Most men simply leave, but one couple chose a man with an anger problem and he was ready to fight the man for the “right” to have sex with his wife and insisted the husband leave the room.  A quick thinking wife dialed the operator from the hotel phone and security showed up a few moments later to escort the man from their room.

I read a story on a forum about a couple who befriended a stranger in a bar and invited him back to their home for a drink. They honestly thought he knew what their intentions were but this man is not in the lifestyle and so his mind did not go there. When the wife tried to hit on him he freaked out and left. The next day they found a sign on their lawn announcing that ‘swingers live here’.

Another couple tried to pick up a woman in a bar while they were vacationing. They brought her back to their room hoping she would be open to a threesome. She did kiss the woman for a few minutes but said she was too drunk and needed to sleep it off on the couch for a while and then would be open to sex with them both. The woman fell asleep and eventually so did this couple. When they woke up, she was gone and so was his wallet.

The lifestyle offers so many ways to meet other swingers that it is hard to understand why people would put themselves in these types of situations. Although you read stories about wild nights of sex with strangers that couples manage to pick up, how many are actually true? There is a good chance that most of these stories are fantasies that people wish were real!
Swing clubs offer an environment where threesomes and foursomes and gang bangs are normal and accepted. Flirting with other men and women is expected and desired. There are bouncers and a staff that is ready to intervene if ever there is a problem. Every person who enters a club must present ID at the door, which is entered into a computer so there are no strangers in a club.

Online dating sites for swingers offers people the chance to meet other swingers for fun. Why not contact couples or singles to meet in a bar or other public venue from a site like this? At least you know these people are open to whatever you are looking for because you can ask them before you meet!

We have heard recent horror stories about dating apps like Tinder and Plenty of Fish yet some couples continue to hope that they can meet other swingers from these types of apps. Why not try an app that is geared to swingers?

Craigslist has proven itself to be a haven for the insane. Ashley Madison has attracted some swingers but why look for people who are cheating on their spouse?

It is not hard to find other swingers with all the resources that are out there. Check Twitter, Facebook, Instagram or simply google to find endless sites that help swingers find other swingers.

If finding other swingers out in a public venue is still your goal, wear our lifestyle jewelry to let others know what you are looking for. The pendant is recognized around the world!

Check out our jewelry here: https://www.swingersjewelry.net/jewelry-for-swingers/

It is important to remember that just because you and your partner are sexually adventurous and open, does not mean that people who appeal to you feel the same way.  Even close friends who can be a bit flirtatious are not usually swingers and might be shocked if you hit on them.

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Is a poor body image keeping you from enjoying ( or entering) the lifestyle?

Body image issues woman wearing Partners ID jewelry

Is a poor body image keeping you from feeling confident in the lifestyle?   Do you worry that having a less than perfect figure will make it hard to find couples who want to swing with you?

The lifestyle poses many challenges to both men and women.    It can be very difficult for someone if they are shy, insecure, become jealous easily and worst of all, if they have a poor self image.  Having a positive self image, especially regarding your body, is crucial if you are planning to swing.  Body image is defined as how you see yourself when you look in the mirror or how you picture yourself in your mind.  Sometimes these perceptions are accurate, but sometimes they are completely distorted and affect how you carry yourself and how you interact with others.  Developing a positive body image and a healthy mental attitude is crucial to a person’s happiness and wellness, and plays a key role to success in the lifestyle.

Swing clubs, parties and hotel takeovers are filled with scantily clad women wearing fishnet dresses, sexy lingerie and exotic mini skirts and dresses which all show a lot of skin.  Many of these women are over the age of 40 and have bodies which indicate as much.  There are women who have beautiful, tight, fit bodies but they are not in the majority.  They are also not always the hottest or the most secure.  It seems that self image plays a much larger role in what makes a woman desirable to both men and other women.  A beautiful, fit woman with poor body image (yes, there are many) seems to be less attractive to others than the overweight woman who is comfortable in her own skin and has an aura of self confidence.  The lifestyle is not about the most attractive person or people, and it is important to remember that everyone is attracted to something different.  A person who is friendly and warm and seems genuinely interested in what you have to say, will be much more attractive to you than someone who is the opposite; regardless of their physical appearance.

Men suffer from the same problem but regarding different aspects of their bodies.  Women tend to be focused on their weight, their breasts and any areas of their bodies they see as imperfect; cellulite on their thighs, a butt that is too large or too small, scars from past surgeries or c sections, etc.  Men tend to be more concerned with their height, their weight, their muscle mass and obviously the size of their penis, as compared with other men.  Interestingly enough, if you were to ask ten men to point out which woman they find most attractive, chances are you would get 6-7 different responses.  For women it would probably be about the same.  Luckily, everyone is attracted to something different.   Imagine if everyone was attracted to the same person!

The lifestyle is supposed to be fun.  When people get too hung up about their bodies and their imperfections it can be a real downer.  Try to remember that swinging is for a short time and if you don’t take advantage of the moment, you will miss it.  Chances are if someone has chosen to swing with you, it is because they think it will be enjoyable.  If you cannot relax and savor the moment, you are not only wasting your night but the night of the person who is trying to have fun with you.  I sincerely doubt that while your partner for the evening is playing with you he is thinking about your thighs.  If, however, you are showing your insecurities regarding your thighs, he probably will look at them to decide if you are right.   When a woman is with a man who is less endowed than most, she will only care if it keeps him from being able to enjoy himself.  If he steps up and shows her he is confident with himself, she knows it will be a fun night regardless of his size.

When everyone in the back room is naked and you appear with something covering you, whether it’s a towel or some garment wrapped around your mid section, chances are everyone will notice you because you are different.   If you step into the play area with nothing but a smile, people will admire your confidence and appreciate that about you.  If you are open to people they will look to join you, it’s that simple.  Big thighs, sagging boobs, cellulite and all, if you show people that you are ok with yourself, they will be ok with you.

Swing clubs, parties and take overs can be fun and exciting.  People come out to party and have a good time.  When you meet people, if they seem friendly and self confident you are drawn to them.  If, on the other hand, you meet people who are shy and withdrawn, chances are you will move on to another couple.  It really is ok if you don’t think you are perfect because guess what?  Pretty much everyone else has the same insecurities that you have, the only difference is that they refuse to let it ruin their night!

 

Remeber to check out our lifestyle jewelry!  New items are offered frequently and we are happy to take custom orders.

https://www.swingersjewelry.net/jewelry-for-swingers/

 

 

 

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Packing for Naughty in Nawlins? Don’t forget your lifestyle jewelry!

Well, it’s July and swingers know what that means!  It’s time for the biggest lifestyle event all year:  Naughty in Nawlins.  This event attracts pretty much all of the well known movers and shakers in the industry plus thousands of swingers looking to have a good time.  

The Lifestyle Awards take place during this event and that brings people from all over the world to witness and take part in.  The lifestyle  awards shine a spotlight on people who are working hard to make sure the lifestyle is understood and respected.

So what does this have to do with lifestyle jewelry, after all, everyone who attends is certainly a swinger!  This is true in terms of people who attend the parties and the vast majority of those people who are staying at the host hotel, but not quite in the city itself.

Naughty in Nawlins is a bit different from some of the other lifestyle events in that people spread out around the city to find their own adventures.  Now, you realize that not everyone in the city is a swinger or has any tolerance for people in the lifestyle.  So how will you be able to detect who is apart of the group?  Very simple, if you are wearing our lifestyle jewelry, it is simple for others to spot you and know you are part of the group.  

It is not uncommon to think someone is in the lifestyle by the way they act or dress but honestly, neither is a true indicator that the person is safe to approach.  When you spot someone wearing our pendant, you know with 100% certainty that you have found a swinger.

We designed the jewelry with swingers in mind.  We wanted something beautiful that could be worn on any part of your body, could be dressed up or worn when nude and would be easy to spot by others who know what to look for.  The design makes it too complicated to google the meaning so rest assured that others will never be able to investigate the meaning of the symbol.

It’s not too late to order now and have it in time for your trip!  

Stop wondering, start playing and have a great time

Check out the jewelry here: https://www.swingersjewelry.net/jewelry-for-swingers/

If you don’t see what you like, drop as an email, we custom design pieces at no additional cost.

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Infidelity and the lifestyle; how swinging helps couples avoid cheating on each other.

Happy couple clinking wine glasses
Happy couple clinking wine glasses

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

People who are not in the lifestyle, equate swinging with infidelity.  Obviously, for people who swing, this is absolutely untrue.   According to dictionary.com. infidelity means:

1.  marital disloyalty
2.  unfaithfulness
     Considering those two meanings, swingers are not being disloyal or unfaithful to their spouses.  Perhaps we should think of swingers as writng their own rules in their own marriages.  They have decided together, as a couple, to open their marriage to something more. Whether or not religious figures would agree that this is not adultery or infidelity is another topic altogether.

It is not uncommon to hear people who are not in the lifestyle to question why couples swing.  Besides that they imagine swingers to be perverted deviants, their perception of swingers is really off.  They have a hard time understanding why people would be open to having sex with someone other than their spouse.  More than that, they cannot fathom why swingers do not get upset with the fact that their significant others are doing this.

Let’s consider this:  if a department store invited you to visit anytime, and take what you needed for free, would you ever feel the need to steal something from them?   Silly question right?  How can you steal something if they are giving it to you for free?   Let’s say you are in school and need help on an exam and the teacher tells you anytime you don’t know an answer to just ask her and she will tell you. Would you need to copy off someone’s paper?  What would be the point?  The teacher has already offered the free help, right?  It is the same in the lifestyle.  Your partner offers to let you swing with other people, why would you need to do this behind their back?  That is not to say that it never happens because it probably does, but what it is the point?

It is very common when you speak with swingers to hear how surprised they were when they first entered the lifestyle to discover how in love swingers seemed to be.  It was exactly the opposite of what they had imagined.  If couples were so in love, what drove them into the lifestyle?  The best answer is probably honesty.

The relationship between a couple who chooses to swing has to be very open and honest.   In order to swing, they had to get to the point where they could admit that although they love each other, they would like to try something else.  It is normal for  couples to fall into a routine or rut with their sex life.  Some couples try to spice things up by watching porn, using toys, trying different positions or even going to strip clubs.  What happens when that is not enough?

For couples not in the lifestyle, unfortunately, they might look to someone else to fill that void.  Infidelity is exceptionally selfish.  One person in the couple chooses to find excitement that is lost with their partner while the other partner makes do with  the lack of fulfillment.  Sometimes both parts of the couple choose to be unfaithful to each other while maintaining  the facade of a wonderful marriage.  How long can that last?

When you consider the avenue swingers take, it seems more logical and loving.  Swinging is something couples do together.  They venture into the lifestyle as a couple not to find someone to replace their partner, but to find couples to spice up their sex life.  The excitement is something they experience together.  The only sneaking around these couples might be engaging in, is from their family and friends. Swinging creates a very strong bond;  you are naughty together.

When you consider the freedom that swinging brings to both members of the couple, who would feel the need to cheat?  Sure, there are always exceptions, but that shows a true character fault.  Generally speaking, swingers would agree that they have no reason to cheat.  Swinging helps them to avoid infedelity.

Many couples who have been in the lifestyle for many years reach different levels of comfort with separating while swinging.  Some couples have no problem allowing their significant other to play on their own while traveling or with friends they have met in the lifestyle.  They talk about how much pleasure they get just from hearing about the escapades of their partners.   The only request they make of each other is to tell them about what they do when they play on their own.  Some couples never separate and continue their swinging journey side by side.  Either way, the degree of trust and freedom is immeasurable compared with those not in the lifestyle.

Everyone is different and perhaps there are couples who never feel the desire to play outside their marriage.  It seems that number would be very low when you consider how rampant infidelity is.

My question to those not in the lifestyle is this:  why not try to explore together what both of you are secretly wishing for?  It is impossible to believe that every married adult at some point has not fantasized about having sex with someone else.  A neighbor, a  teacher, a coworker, someone famous or your spouse’s best friend.   The best part about swinging is that these are no longer secrets or fantasies!  You and your partner not only talk about what your sexual fantasies are, you experience them together.  What could be more honest and intimate than that?  That is what creates such a strong bond between swingers.   When you have everything you need at home, why would you need to go elsewhere?

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How can you tell if another couple wants to swing with you?

A couple and single girl at a bar wearing Partners ID Jewelry
A couple and single girl at a bar wearing Partners ID Jewelry

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Swinging can sometimes feel like dating.  Remember in the past when you met someone and spent a fair amount of time wondering if they liked you?  Then you tried to decide if they liked you, or liked you liked you.   The only difference now, is that usually swingers are couples looking for other couples.  Although it sounds so simple, it is not.  Instead of the traditional one person seeking out another, it is now one couple (2 people) looking for another couple (2 more people).  That equals four people who must all be on the same page.  It might not sound that complicated but it can be.

The other part of this equation is wondering when you do meet other swingers, how to know which couples want to swing with you.  That too, can be complicated.  When you are dealing with a couple, maybe the man likes you, but his wife doesn’t like your husband (or vice versa).  The problems with four people are multiplied dramatically so it’s important to pay attention to signs and signals that other couples are giving you.

Swing clubs are a great place to meet other couples (or singles) to swing with. They have a sexy, night club atmosphere and most of the people who are there, are there to swing. This does not mean, however, that every couple you meet wants to swing with you. So how can you tell who is and who is not interested?

Most adults have learned that when they are in a social situation, they should be friendly and warm. We were taught to be polite and smile. If someone talks to us, we should have the common courtesy to listen and even join in the conversation. People in swing clubs, tend to be very friendly and welcoming to each other. So with all this smiling and kindness, how can we distinguish between people are who being polite and people who are interested in having sex?

For some couples, it’s not that hard to figure out, whereas for others, they seem to have no clue at all (think Sheldon Cooper). Here is a little quiz to help you determine if you are on the right track to finding other couples to play with:

You are sitting at the bar and a couple walks over. They are trying to get the bartender’s attention and since you are sitting there, they say hello. You and your significant other find them attractive so you try to engage them in conversation. They are friendly and answer your questions but as soon as the bartender hands them their drinks, they turn and walk away. Now, this should be an easy one…
This couple is interested, you have a shot: True or False

(False, clearly, they are not interested.)

Let’s try another, shall we? A couple is seated next to you on a couch. They seem friendly and you strike up a conversation with them. The husband answers your questions but the wife is not paying any attention. She is busy watching people on the dance floor. While you are talking to him, the husband turns and asks his wife if she wants to dance. They pop up and leave for the dance floor. Hm, what do you think?

A. They will be back in a few minutes and we will have another chance to win them over?

B. We have no shot let’s go find another couple.

If you chose A, you should probably keep reading until the end!

How about this situation: a couple approaches you while you are at the bar and asks if anyone is sitting in the seats next to you. You say no and the couple sits down. They introduce themselves and tell you it’s their first time in this club. They are friendly and you are encouraged that maybe this can work. You talk with them for a while and they get up to go and dance. After a few songs, they return to their seats next to you. A couple sits down on the other side of them and they turn to engage in conversation with them. You and your significant other walk around to join the two couples in conversation. They continue talking while you stand there. You don’t want to be rude so you patiently wait for them to introduce you to this couple. After a few minutes, nobody attempts to bring you into the conversation. You decide to go back to your seats at the bar.

A. No problem, in a few minutes they will turn back and chat with us.

B. Not looking good, they were just being friendly.
Don’t wait too long for this couple, it seems they have found a couple they prefer.

You meet a couple standing along side the dance floor. You try to engage them in conversation and although the wife is friendly, the husband is looking around while you are talking to him. He answers your questions but doesn’t ask you any. A few times you even had to repeat yourself because he didn’t hear you. His wife grabs his hand while you are talking to her.

A.  She’s hot and she’s friendly. She will persuade him to be with us.

B. Finding couples is harder than we thought. Let’s move on.

It’s B! When she grabbed his hand, she was trying to tell you something… He showed a clear disinterest from the get go.
You decide to dance and are enjoying the time with your wife. You notice a couple watching you and smiling. When you leave the dance floor they approach you at the bar. They are friendly and she greets you with a kiss on the cheek. The man is attentive to your wife and his wife is attentive to you. She plays with her hair while laughing at your jokes.

A.  This is it! We might actually have a chance with this couple!

B. They are just being friendly, I’m not sure if they really have any interest.

I hope you chose A! This was a gimme, a no brainer.

Believe it or not, we see this all the time. Couples who hang around when there is no chance what so ever that the couple they are clinging to have any interest in them. Sometimes all it really requires, is to pay close attention to what their body language is saying. If someone is standing with their arms crossed and a forced smile on their face, that should tell you that they are not interested. If someone touches you or is engaged in what you say, that’s a good sign. If they turn towards you and have a genuine (not fake) smile, think positive! If the person you are talking to is not making eye contact, walk away. If someone likes you, they will make you feel comfortable and important. They will be present in the moment with you. They will ask you questions and listen carefully to what you have to say. If someone is busy looking around to see what else is available, that means they have no real desire to be with you.

Although we always stress how important communication is, in this type of situation, nobody will tell you that they are not interested, it is just too rude. They will, however, do whatever they can with their body language to let you know. Non verbal cues are all you are going to get to let you know when a coupe is or is not interested. All you have to do, is pay attention to what it is they are trying to say.

Swinging should be fun but figuring out who wants to swing with you can sometimes be confusing! The more experience you have in the lifestyle the easier it will become! Good luck!

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Why the swinger lifestyle is good for you. Yes, I mean you!

Who knew that entering the lifestyle would have such an impact on my life?  Like many women, I was not the one who initiated the conversation regarding swing clubs.  To be fair, really, neither was my husband.  It was a stripper at a strip club and that should tell you something about us right away!  Why were we so chummy with the stripper in the first place?  The answer is that we were regulars for a few years.  She observed that I never looked happy to be in the strip club and she took a guess that I was there for my husband.  “Why not take your wife to a swing club” she asked one night.  I had never heard of a swing club and had no idea what it was.  A few weeks later, for my husband’s birthday I surprised him and said I wanted to check out a swing club.  I did not have to ask twice.
I have never been overly confident and having been married for 19 years, I never really thought about flirting with other men.  Sure, men were flirting with me all along but I chose to dismiss it and pretend not to notice.  That’s not to say I didn’t find men attractive or find myself at times attracted to other men, I did, but I never acted on it and tried my best to avoid them.
That was a long time ago as I have been in the lifestyle for about 10 years.  The lifestyle has taught me so much about myself and has given me a tremendous amount of confidence.  What I have learned since the beginning would have been very helpful to know as a 20 year old.  I’m not talking about sex, I’m talking about people and attitudes and friendliness and being open to both experiences and people.  It would be no problem today for me to walk into a bar by myself and make friends with little effort amongst a group of strangers.  Ten years ago I would have waited outside until my husband arrived to go into the bar with him.  Today, he would find me sitting at the bar with a drink in my hand chatting with the people around me.  If I were single, and there was an attractive man at the bar, I would think nothing of walking over and striking up a conversation.  Being single does not frighten me in the least.  Many married “vanilla” friends talk about how they would be totally lost without their spouse and would have no idea how to get back out and date.  They would be terrified by the thought of having to navigate a new relationship.  I sincerely doubt that the majority of people in the lifestyle would feel this way.  We are used to flirting and mingling and talking to total strangers.
It has also taught me about my body and that you do not have to be perfect to be attractive.  It has taught me that what I once thought made a person attractive is not necessarily universal.  When we first entered the lifestyle I imagined the most attractive women with the hottest bodies would be the most sought after by all the men in the club.  What I discovered is that beauty truly is in the eye of the beholder and what is attractive to one person is not necessarily attractive to another.  As a society I feel that magazines, movies and tv regularly make us believe that only the tall, slim, busty girls with perfect hair are what men are looking for, when in reality, men are all different with very different taste and very different ideas of what makes a woman attractive.  Same for women; what attracts one woman is vastly different from what attracts another.
I learned that it is ok to love sex!  When women love sex, they tend to think they must be a slut.  I thought my interest in playing with different guys when I was younger was wrong.  Friends used to ask,  “How many guys
have you slept with?”   When they were in their 20s and told me they had slept with only 5 men I would think OMG, I can never tell anyone the truth!  I never thought to count; I just knew I loved having sex!  The lifestyle taught me that there is nothing wrong with that.  It also has taught me to learn to express what I like in bed.  Most people prefer to know what the person they play with likes.
The lifestyle has taught me that we are only as “old” as we allow ourselves to be.  Many people believe that people over 50 should spend their evenings at restaurants or movies and be home by 11.  What else is there for them to do?  Nightclubs almost predominantly cater to people in their 20s and 30s.  Most people I know who are over 40 years old have no interest in spending an evening at a night club with younger people.  They feel uncomfortable dressing too sexy, they might not enjoy the same music, or how loud it is, and dancing next to someone who is so much younger than yourself can be awkward.  They look at you and wonder what you are doing there.  In a swing club, you get the same night club atmosphere where people are there to have a good time regardless of their age and nobody is judging you.  The freedom in a swing club is very liberating.  To be able to be yourself and show your sexuality as you please is fabulous.  Staying out until 3:00 in the morning on weekends makes you feel young again.  It is impossible to imagine going back to that ‘old person’ mentality after experiencing time in the lifestyle.
The people you meet in the lifestyle are so much different from people you will meet anyplace else.  The conversations are real and nothing is off limits.  I find our conversations with vanilla friends tend to be about our children and our jobs but with lifestyle friends it is about vacation experiences, parties, sex and lifestyle events.  We talk about sex because it is normal and not taboo.   Try talking to your vanilla friends about sex and watch them blush and look at you like you are perverse.
The lifestyle has made me feel alive!  I look forward to any time we spend in any lifestyle venue.  When we embarked upon creating the lifestyle jewelry it was an extension of our love for the whole environment and the people in it.  We are dedicated to continuing to try to make it easier for those of us in the lifestyle to find each other!  Party on people!
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