Temptation: Why it is not a big problem for couples in the lifestyle.

Swingers avoid temptation

Recently, a friend asked me if I had ever watched this show called Temptation Island.

To be honest, I had never even heard of it. She explained a little bit about it and told me she would be curious to hear my take on the show. It sounded interesting so I decided to watch a few episodes. As a swinger, this show proved to be pretty entertaining. According to their homepage, Temptation Island is a reality show in which several couples agree to live with a group of singles of the opposite sex, in order to test the strength of their relationships.

My friend had asked if this was basically a show about swinging.

First of all, for those people who are not in the lifestyle, this concept is exactly the opposite of why people choose to swing. People in the lifestyle are not there to decide if their partner is “right” for them. We do not “explore other relationships” or “test the strength of our relationship”. These are the premises on which this show is based. Ultimately they try to set the couples up for failure for public entertainment. Swinging is not about any of these things.

Couples who choose to enter the lifestyle (when they do it for the right reasons) are there as a couple. They operate as a team. The one thing swingers will say is that the most important part of swinging is seeing their partner happy. The last thing swingers are looking for is to fall in love with someone else.

Swinging is primarily about sex.

We often find ourselves developing friendships and close relationships with other swingers, but there is a line that we do not cross. Most couples are friendly as couples. The communication is generally either between the two women, the two men, or the four people at the same time.

This is not the case with every couple in the lifestyle. There are different types of swinger relationships. Some couples are ok with their partner dating others and forming relationships but this is not generally the case. Most swingers are in the lifestyle together.

Temptation Island is a show that puts couples in situations that would be difficult for even the most solid couples to withstand.

It does its best to create jealousy and mistrust between each individual couple. As the couples cannot communicate for almost a solid 30 days, it becomes impossible to work things out as a couple. To top it off, while they are apart, they are living with members of the opposite sex who are there looking to find love. The concept is the whole “kid in the candy store” type scenario.

The obvious downfall for these couples is the temptation to cheat. The show claims the couple’s inability to remain faithful during these 30 days is proof that their relationships were doomed before arriving. The thing that made me curious as a swinger was twofold:

1. Could vanilla couples who have been together for many years (10+) withstand this 30-day temptation?

2. Could couples in the lifestyle?

To answer question 1 is very difficult. During a few of the episodes, they show snippets of what each partner has been doing. Some clips are misleading and make people think there is infidelity. Would this cause long term committed couples to give in to temptation? I believe it would for the majority of couples.

What about couples in the lifestyle, where having sex with others is part of their lives? Would the temptation prove to be too much? Quite honestly, I don’t think so. I honestly believe that couples in the lifestyle don’t feel the need to cheat. Their relationships are open doors so the thrill is diminished.

Temptation is only an issue when we want something that we should not or cannot have. If the temptation is readily available to us, it would diminish our lust for it.  This would be the case for swingers.  We allow each other to explore these temptations together and so there is no need to crave it.

To be fair, this show works very hard to entertain the viewers.

To accomplish this, they create an environment that would make it difficult for most people to succeed.

Temptation in any form is something that is considered bad or evil.

To avoid temptation, most people would choose to remove themselves (or that which is tempting them), from the situation. This show forces men and women to spend 30 days living with this temptation. So for 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, this temptation is staring them in the face. Not only that, the temptation is calling to them and enticing them to act. This type of environment would prove difficult for most people.

Although the show is entertaining, I can’t understand why couples would put themselves into a situation like this. Like every other reality show, the drama is the most entertaining aspect of the show.

To get back to my friend’s question about Temptation Island really being a show about swingers, the answer is a firm no. This show might explain why swinging can be a healthy alternative to cheating. Temptation will occur in most relationships at some point, but it is how one deals with it. Many people will give in to it and take a chance, swingers will point out the temptation to their significant other and see if they can make it happen. One is honest and open, the other is not.

Is it cheating if you arrange to meet an old boyfriend in a swing club?

 

Well, we did our research and were able to find our forum poster!  We reached out to her and here is her follow up!  If you recall, on the forum, people were debating whether or not this woman’s friend was technically cheating on her husband.

When Partners ID contacted me about an old forum post that I wrote 2 years ago, I was shocked!  They said that people are curious to hear what happened.  I am not much of a writer but this is an interesting (and true) story.  

This happened 2 years ago.  At the time, my husband and I spent most of our free Saturday nights at a swing club.   We became friendly with a couple that is about the same age as we are (early 40s).  Whenever we were at the club, we always hung out together.  Sometimes we would all play together in the playroom at the end of the night.   It is fair to say that we knew them fairly well.  I would speak to her during the week and sometimes we would meet for dinner and drinks before heading to the club on Saturdays.  

One Saturday evening, the four of us were sitting on a couch by the front door.  We were having drinks and laughing when we noticed the manager walk in with a new couple.  He was getting ready to give them a tour of the club.  I had spotted this couple on our way in as they were signing in as new members.  Anyway, when my friend sees them, she jumps up and tells the manager that she would be happy to give them a tour.  To say that this is out of character would be a huge understatement.  The manager gives tours often when we are in the club, and she has never  paid any attention to him.  

When she finished giving them a tour she invited them to come and sit with us.  I gave my husband a look but he said she was just being friendly.  I don’t think she said two words to me the rest of the time we were sitting with them.  She was completely flirting with him, excluding everyone else who was sitting there.  My husband and I felt weird so we moved on. Later that evening we went into the playroom but did not see them back there.  

The following weekend was the same scenario  only this time this man showed up with a different woman.  He walked into the club and without hesitation turned and sat down right next to my friend.  The woman he was with seemed very uncomfortable, as did my friend’s husband.  Early into the evening they were throwing back shots and dancing together.  Again, we got up and walked away.  At this point in time, we did question if my friend was technically cheating on her husband.

We did not see them for a few weeks.  The husband spoke with my husband and told him that it was an old boyfriend and it’s nothing to be concerned about.  We made plans to see them in the club that next weekend and I wasn’t sure whether or not her old boyfriend would show up again.  I did notice that the few weeks my friend and her husband were out of the club, the boyfriend was not there either.  

My husband said he thought if this guy showed up again I should make a play for him.  I did not think I could do something like this but the seed was planted. 

That evening, the four of us were dancing and enjoying the evening together.  Sure enough, the old boyfriend shows up on the dance floor with yet another new girl.  My friend, again, turns all of her attention to this guy and we walked off the dance floor.  We went back to grab our drinks but my husband did not want to leave her husband alone in this situation.  He begged me to flirt with this man but I tried to explain that it would only kill the friendship.  

When everyone returned to sit down, I emptied my drink and turned to the new guy.  I struck up a conversation with him asking him if he was new in the lifestyle and where he and his date met each other, etc.  He was actually very friendly and warm and I could see what my friend liked about him.  Trying to be playful, I touched his arm while I spoke and he seemed to enjoy it.  When I looked at my friend, she did not really seem concerned, which confused me.  Deep down, I really thought she would be mad.  

Long story short, the 6 of us ended up in the playroom that evening. My friend and I with her old boyfriend, the guys were with his date and it was so much fun!  There was a little bit of extra affection between the two but I suppose having history, it was expected.  

I met her for lunch that same week and we finally talked about it.  She assured me that she loves her husband and that seeing her old boyfriend became like a fantasy in her mind.  Although she did hope he would show up at the club,  no part of her wanted to leave her husband for him.  That weekend that we played with him was awesome and now she got it out of her system and could put it to rest.  

How’s that for a happy ending?  But that isn’t the end…

The boyfriend  continued to show up at the club every Saturday. My friend continued to pursue him when he was there.  We stopped hanging out with them but watched from a distance while she spent more and more time with him.  About 3 months later, our friends stopped coming to the club.  She never called me anymore so my husband reached out to her husband.   Her husband said he was tired of bringing her to the club so she could spend every Saturday with her old boyfriend while pretending it was normal.  He suspected she was meeting him during the week and hired a private detective.  Long story short, they are divorced.  

This was 2 years ago and happily her husband has found a wonderful woman. They are planning to get married in a few months.  I have not heard from her but her husband told us that she and the old boyfriend are no longer together.  A very unfortunate story!

Wishing you all the best!

Jennifer

To read the original forum post read here:  https://www.swingersjewelry.net/forum/swingers-talk/meeting-up-with-and-playing-with-an-old-flame-in-the-club-on-purpose/

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