The term “swinger” should be updated to help us gain acceptance in society.

Open-minded couples in bathrobes wearing Partners ID jewelry
Open-minded couples in bathrobes wearing Partners ID jewelry

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Is the term “swinger” outdated and in need of an update?

Welcome to 2019! This is the future that many of us imagined back when we were kids. For many of us, the future actually arrived on October 21, 2015. This is the date that Marty McFly travels to save his children, whom were yet to be born in “Back to the Future’s” 1985.  http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0088763/.

For many of us, we believed by now we would be living like the “Jetsons”  http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0055683/ , but so far, that has not come to fruition.

Perhaps all the fancy technology we had envisioned is not what makes the year 2019 as different as we imagined as children. We might not have accomplished the ability to fly personal aircrafts and have robots catering to our every need, but we have accomplished something much more valuable. We have witnessed a new generation that is proving itself to be much more open minded than any generation before. Now obviously I cannot speak for every single person or community of people, I can only point to the majority.

This generation grew up accepting people, they are less concerned with race, religion and gender than any generation before them. Most don’t judge people based on who they love or how they dress. This generation has opened their hearts to the LGBTQ community, which is not something we saw with prior generations.

So here we are, in the year 2019, watching a generation mature and they are open to new ideas and beliefs as well as lifestyles and personal choices. What I have observed however, is they are not open to “swinging”. Oh, don’t get me wrong, they like to have sex, yes, even the married ones, with other people or couples.  It is the term “swinger” that they reject.  It took me a while to understand this, hence, a previous article I wrote: Are couples having sex with friends but not calling themselves swingers? https://www.swingersjewelry.net/sex-friends/  Here I was questioning why couples who were clearly swinging refused to call it such.

Then it hit me, the word swinger has fallen out of favor. The term “swinger” conjures up an image of a couple from the 1970s with bell bottom pants, polyester shirts or dresses and an afro. It’s not that this generation is not open to swinging, they simply do not use the term. This is not a new problem. I believe that people have been moving away from this word for a long time. People frequently speak about the lifestyle, which is a broader term that incorporates swinging, but often use the term lifestyle to indicate that they are swingers. That can be confusing because you can be in the lifestyle but not swing. https://www.swingersjewelry.net/swing-lifestyle/

The question is: if we decide to change the word swinger to make it more socially accepted, what would be the best term? Perhaps instead of labeling people swingers, we should change the term to open-minded. According to dictionary.com, the word open-minded means:
1.  Having or showing a mind receptive to new ideas or arguments.
2.  Unprejudiced; unbigoted; impartial.

The reason open-minded seems like a logical fit is that it simply tells others that you are receptive and unprejudiced. This way people who are open-minded can speak freely about what they are looking for. Open-minded people might not be swingers, but they would have no problem if you are. It doesn’t speak to others about your sexual life, it simply lets them know that you are open to new ideas and won’t judge people for what they choose to do.

In order to eliminate the stigma attached to swingers, we must change the term to illicit a more contemporary view of today’s swingers. We must shed the image of the hippies from the 1970s and educate people that open-minded people are simply sophisticated adults who no longer believe that monogamy is the ideal in every relationship. Open-minded people have discovered that there is an alternative lifestyle that meets their needs.

The term open-minded allows freedom of expression. If you are nonjudgmental, you are willing to accept that others choose a way of life that is comfortable for them. It could mean they are part of the LGBTQ community, they could be part of a polyamorous relationship, it might even mean they are happily married in a monogamous relationship but they are open to how others are living their lives.

Imagine wearing our lifestyle jewelry and allowing the world to learn that it simply means you are open-minded.  Suddenly people  see that as a sign of respect!  When we switch out the term swinger for open-minded, it no longer speaks strictly about your sex life.  It speaks about you, as a person.

Let us consider moving into the year 2018 with a positive attitude and an open mind. Swingers are a thing of the past. Open-minded people are the wave of the future. Let’s all open our hearts and minds; live and let live…

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Who are we to judge what is right for other people?

 

 

Why do people feel the need to judge each other?  Why are some people so sure that they are right and the way they choose to live is the only correct way?  Who appointed them both judge and jury in deciding what is right for other people?

Times have changed a lot over the past half century.  There used to be only two genders, a marriage was between a man and a woman, if you were born male, you stayed male (and vice versa), there was no public cross dressing or transgender,  most people who were gay were not comfortable exposing themselves, etc.

Here we are in 2018 and things are quite different.  We have come a long way in expressing ourselves and embracing differences between people.  Although many people have evolved and accepted our differences, there are still many people who fear what they cannot understand.  

A friend of mine is very happily married, but as I have discovered, is quite different from most people I know.  Although she and her husband are swingers, we do not play with them.  They prefer to have a more intimate relationship with the people they swing with.  They also do not call it swinging or playing, but refer to it as “making love”.  Right there, we were out.  

Recently this couple traveled to Europe on vacation and met a woman named Cici.  As my friend describes it, “There was this instant attraction between Cici and Mark (her husband).  I could feel the chemistry between them.  We were simply enjoying some afternoon coffee and Cici was in the coffee shop.  There were no available tables so we asked if we could join her.  We spent the next 2 hours sipping coffee listening to her describe the city and the places she insisted we visit.  We exchanged phone numbers and made plans to have dinner with her that evening at a restaurant near her home.”

My friend goes on to describe her joy at watching her husband fall in love with this woman while overseas.  I was imagining that what happened in Italy, stayed in Italy, but I was wrong.  Cici has been in regular touch with her husband and is planning to move here to be closer to Mark.  They have also spoken about having a baby together.  

To be honest, my first reaction was utter shock and disbelief.  What?!  Your husband has fallen in love with another woman, she is moving here to be closer to him and they are already talking about having a child together?  And, you are so happy for them.  What am I missing?  Where do you fit into this picture?  She assured me that this would be a perfect addition to their marriage and to their family.

This was when it occurred to me:  times have changed and so have people.  It might not be something that would work for me, but it works for them.  It’s really no different from my friends who are not swingers trying to understand how I can be happy for my husband when he enjoys having sex with another woman. One friend told me that no matter how hard she tries, she cannot understand how this is possible.  We are so programmed to believe that there is only one right way of doing things, that when someone is living a life that is at odds with what we have always thought was ‘right’,  we take notice, and often, pass judgement.

When men and women first started to be openly gay and lesbian, it was very hard for some to imagine how they could prefer their own sex as a life partner.  After all, we were raised to believe men and women were meant to share lives together, not two men or 2 women.  If we look at the gay community today, they have proven everyone wrong.  Although it is not right for everyone, clearly it works for them.  

The thought of people physically changing their gender would have been impossible to believe decades ago, yet it has become common enough that it is no longer newsworthy.  The state of Delaware has been considering allowing children as young as age 5 to choose their own race and gender without parental consent.  Although it does not seem to be a particularly popular decision, it might not be long before other states follow their lead. 

We discovered that the state of New York now recognizes 31 genders and gay marriage is now legal in all 50 states here in the US.  

Looking at all of the changes we have seen, you would think people have discovered that just because it is not right for them, it does not give them the right to judge others.  However, it seems this is still not the case.  Many people are still admonishing those who choose to forge their own path and follow their own ideals. Some folks are still not ready to accept the LGBT community, swingers, polygamists or any other group or lifestyle that does not conform to their own beliefs.  Even those who are living alternative lifestyles can be quick to judge people who are different from themselves.  

What do we gain by deciding what is right for others?  When will people be free to live a life that is right for them without fear of admonishment by others?

Hopefully with all of the changes we have seen in the past fifty years, people will continue to evolve both spiritually and mentally.  We are on the right path but we still have a long way to go.  

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