Swinging can be confusing; if your spouse loves you, why does he want to play with someone else?

Man interested in swinging


While at a lifestyle party recently, a woman struck up a conversation with a group of swingers .  She said she was confused by the whole notion of swinging. This couple is very new to the lifestyle and when she asked her husband why he wanted to have sex with someone else, his response was so that he would appreciate being with her.  Her first thought was ‘I guess you don’t appreciate being with me or you would not need to have sex with someone else to appreciate me’.  It upset her because she was concerned about the fact that she was not enough for him and why would he even want to be with someone else if he really loved her.   You could see by the look on several of the women’s faces that this was an age old question for people who were either new to the lifestyle or considering trying it out.

Almost everyone has been raised to believe that we should be monogamous.  We grow up, find a mate, settle down and remain faithful to this one person; till death do us part.  Forever is a long time and for most people, when they take this vow, they truly believe they will never want to be with anyone else.  We can all agree that it is usually with the very best intentions that we enter into these marriages.  Even for couples who are not married, fidelity is expected when you are in an exclusive relationship with someone.

The question is:  how many couples, if they are honest, are happy like this?  This is not to imply that everyone cheats or wants to cheat, rather it is intended to make you question how many people honestly go through life and never think about having sex with someone else? A neighbor, a coworker, the pool boy, a bartender, your doctor, etc.  The truth is, very few people have never thought or fantasized about being with someone else. Even pornography is basically allowing people to engage in fantasies from afar; something to play over in our minds when we have sex with our partner.

How many people are just plain unfaithful in their committed relationships?  Even people who cheat are not always wanting to give up the relationship they have; many are simply looking for something different and exciting in bed.  A happy marriage does not always mean a happy sex life together.  How many times have you heard a woman tell you she was making a mental shopping list while waiting for her partner to finish?  If she was swinging with someone new, chances are she would be concentrating on the man she was with and what they were doing.  Not because she is in love with him, but because it would be new and exciting.

Swinging allows you and your partner to explore your fantasies together.  It permits you the opportunity to have sex with other people without having to cheat  on each other.  When you have sex with different partners, you learn new things.  The most exciting part about this is bringing it back to your spouse to try together.   Swinging allows each partner to partake in things that perhaps their spouse is not open to trying.

For the woman who posed the question above, her husband’s answer was actually more honest than she realizes.  It is not that he loves her any less because he wants to have sex with other women, and it is not that she is not enough for him.  When you have sex for the first time when you swing, you realize that it is purely a physical act; there is no feeling towards the other person.  It is simply something different.  It breaks the routine that you and your partner eventually fall into when having sex.  Sometimes when you play with someone else it is good, and sometimes it is not.  The real treat is when you are back with your spouse!  The routine that was becoming monotonous, is suddenly the best sex you ever have!  When you make love to your partner you feel the difference and appreciate it so much more.  When you swing, you do not make love, you simply have sex.  When you are with your spouse, you make love.  There is a tremendous difference and swinging makes it so much more apparent.  Her spouse will love her more for allowing them to be free from other people’s expectations of what is right and wrong.  When you create your own rules as a couple, it is very liberating.  You become so much closer to each other.  You develop a tremendous amount of love and trust for allowing each other the freedom to explore.

Most importantly for this woman who is new to swinging to remember:  playing with someone else is for the moment.  After that, you are with your husband or partner and that is who you will go home with.  This is the person you will wake up with the next morning, and wait until you see the smile he gives you at breakfast the next morning. This is when you will realize that swinging is not about anyone but the two of you!

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