It seems every swinger forum on the internet has the same question regarding swinging: a man asking how to get his wife into swinging. One of the things that men must do when their wife is opposed to the idea, is to try to understand why.
First of all, swinging is not for everyone. Secondly, swinging is a process and a big part of this process has to do with the man. It is very important to try to discover what it is about swinging that scares her. For many women, one very big problem is body image. Having been in a comfortable relationship with her husband and perhaps having had children, her body may not have been a priority for many years. The thought of having to go out and “compete” for male attention could be scary for her. The thought of taking off her clothing in front of strangers is hard to imagine. We met a man recently who told us he knew his wife would never agree to step foot in a swing club. Instead of pursuing it, he suggested they learn how to box, that it was something he had always been interested in and wanted to do it with her. She agreed. After six months he could see how much more confident she was with her body and encouraged her to buy something sexy to wear. It was then that he told her he wished he could take her out somewhere in that dress and show her off. A few days later he told her he had seen something about a swing club online and would love to just go and see it. He told her it would be the perfect place to wear her new dress. Guess what? She agreed and they are now regulars in the club.
For some people, entering the lifestyle can bring back memories of high school days. When you get married, you stop looking for someone because you have someone. Many people are not sure they want to be back in the “dating scene” at this stage of their life; they thought that was behind them. Perhaps that was not an easy time for them and it’s not something they want to revisit. For some women, it could be the thought that you might find someone “better” than her. It would seem logical to me that when you first bring up the topic of swinging, your wife will want to know why you want to do this. How you handle this could be the difference between getting her to try and abandoning the idea entirely.
For many couples there are different stages that precede swinging. Many couples have been watching porn together and fantasizing about what some of the situations they see would be like for them. They experiment with toys and positions, some even go to strip clubs together.
Rather than asking her flat out about swinging, perhaps talking about who and what she fantasizes about while you are having sex would be a good start. Encourage her to understand that it is normal to have fantasies and that it turns you on to hear about hers. When she gets to the point that she’s comfortable with this conversation maybe then it is time to suggest that seeing these types of scenarios would be so hot for both of you. Tell her you read or heard about swinging and thought it would be fun to just check out a swing club; just the two of you. If she feels no pressure she might surprise you and be willing to make a fun evening out of it. The most important thing to remember is to do what you say. If you tell her just a fun evening with no pressure, make sure that is all it is.
The hardest part for most couples is getting the unwilling partner into a club for the first time. Most couples are surprised at how comfortable they felt and that it was nothing like they had imagined. Going step by step and reassuring her that it is not for yourself but for the two of you as a couple is crucial. Try to keep in mind any reasons that she has given you for not wanting to try a swing club. If she has poor body image, tell her how beautiful and sexy she is.
When you finally get her to agree to go to a swing club, make sure you pay attention to her when you are in the club. Don’t let her feel like you are checking out every beautiful woman in the club or it will reinforce any insecurities she might have regarding swinging. If you do have a chance to talk to other couples, make sure she feels that you have her back. Hold her hand, play with her hair, do whatever it takes to make her feel special. The better she feels about herself and her relationship with you when you are at the club, the more likely she will want to return. Taking the time to help her to overcome her misgivings about swinging will pay off big time in the end.
The couples who remain in the lifestyle for a long time are the couples who entered the lifestyle slowly. They did not rush to play with other couples right away and did not pressure their partners into doing things they were not comfortable with.
If a man is truly interested in getting his wife into swinging, patience is a must!