Swingers have a language all their own but do all swingers understand it?

Cute couple
Cute young couple in bed reading a dictionary


Swingers seem to have a language all of their own. They use terms that are common to them, but these terms leave others standing there scratching their heads. Terms as common to swingers as lifestyle or vanilla, can leave newbies or outsiders wondering what or who swingers are talking about.

Although swingers are aware that there are many terms we use to describe all things swing, there are many terms that even most swingers probably do not recognize. Thankfully, we have google and Siri to help us navigate and learn about things with the click of a button or the sound of our voice. Imagine how difficult things must have been for couples in the past, when they really had no way of learning these terms. The best they could do was to ask a swinger friend and hope they knew the answer!

I have been in the lifestyle for many years and I thought I was pretty well versed on swinger jargon. I was quite surprised when I went to look up a word I came across in an email and saw a list of words I had never heard before. My other surprise was that when I read some of the meanings, they did not mean the same things that I had known them to mean.

If different swinger terms mean different things to different couples, this could cause some problems!  Another issue is that when trying to be creative with acronyms, it can be very hard to remember what each one stands for.  A good example is a couple playing next to us one night asked the couple they were with about ATM.  I remember wondering why on earth they would be talking about an ATM in the back room of a swing club. Clearly, the couple that was asked was just as confused. We later discovered that ATM stands for “Ass To Mouth”.

Another time we heard a couple ask another if they were into MOM. We looked at each other and we were both like, what? Mom? Who’s mom? Turns out, MOM means man on man. I wondered: why not just ask if the man is bisexual? Why do swingers need to complicate things?

There are more swinger terms than any one person could ever possibly remember! For this reason I decided to investigate just how many there are. Not only are there more than one hundred terms, different sites have different lists of words. I realized that for swingers to be able to remember every swinger term, they must either download a list to their cell phone or carry a swinger dictionary with them to all lifestyle events.

Here are a few swinger terms I came across; how many of these do you know?

Moose Knuckles: Male organs showing through clothes at the crotch

Felching: which involves sucking semen out of any orifice it has been deposited in, usually the anus.

Swedish Cultures: The exclusive and talented use of the hands to stimulate sexual arousal; masturbation.

Frotteurism: A fetish that involves rubbing up against an unsuspecting or unwilling person.  (Sounds like a good prank for the Ellen Show)

High Dive: When you pull your erect penis all the way out of your partner (whether it be her vagina or anus) and then penetrate her in one fell swoop

Split Roast: An act done by three people (usually a woman and two men, but the concept works with all homosexual males as well), in which the person in the center is penetrated in the vagina or ass by one partner, while performing oral sex on the other.

These are just a few of the terms I found on this website: http://lsota.com/Terms.htm. Another interesting list is available on this site: http://denverswingers.org/swingers-terms-glossary. I especially enjoyed a term they originated: bi selfish,  a woman who likes to receive oral from same sex but WILL NOT reciprocate.

My recommendation for swingers would be to make sure when you are trying to let others know what you want or like, or don’t want or like, say it in plain English (or whatever language you speak)! Using acronyms and swinger terms can be confusing, especially when the terms mean different things to different people.

The other problem with some swinger acronyms is that some people take offense to them. I read on a couple’s profile that the M (man) does not like bear claws… I was obviously confused. I looked it up and discovered it refers to a woman’s unusually large labia (vaginal lips). Is that a thing? Is this so common that we must learn to avoid it? Before you know it women will start saying they don’t want to meet men with a large Japs eye: Slang term for the small opening at the end of a man’s penis where urine and sperm comes out.

Another acronym that some people take offense to is BBW: Big Beautiful Woman; Referring to women that may not be their “ideal” weight, but are comfortable with the size that they are. I checked the list but not see BBM. Is this not why swinger profiles have photos? Do we need to use the term for something that we can easily see?

What about BBC: Big Black Cock. Although we all know that interracial play is very popular in the lifestyle, some people take offense to the term.

I understand that in order to get our desires and interests across in a profile, sometimes an acronym is more polite than writing the actual words. However, when in a swinging situation, instead of using terms that others may or may not be familiar with, it is probably safer to just explain what you are looking for. Just remember that even a term as common as soft swap, means different things to different people. Perhaps it is always better to clarify what you mean so there is no misunderstanding.

Remember, the key to swinging is communication.