Swingers generally believe that they are keeping their lifestyle a secret. They go about their lives in the vanilla world with their children and their jobs waiting for the weekends. Suddenly, as the weekend arrives, these regular Jones change into party animals. You can spot them by the clothing they wear and the smiles on their faces. Most swingers I know, anxiously await the time to leave their homes for their night out.
Don’t get me wrong, all through the week swingers are mentally planning their next adventure whether it be a meet and greet, hotel takeover, visit to a swing club or a night at a private party. Women are planning what they will wear and men are stocking up on their liquor of choice (swing events are almost always bring your own bottle). They might outwardly appear to be regular people, with regular lives, but come the weekend, all bets are off!
At some point, many swingers come to the realization that perhaps their private life is not such a secret after all. It might be a family member or close friend who mentions that they have been aware for some time that the two of you are swingers. It might be the way people look at you or subjects they talk to you about. Sometimes people will not come right out and confront you but will drop subtle hints hoping you will start the dialogue. Whatever the case, if you are active in the lifestyle, chances are, some people close to you have figured it out.
Ok, so now someone has confronted you and you figure what the heck, I will fess up. The first question they are likely to ask is: why are you swingers?
This is the best question ever! I would probably respond by saying, “How much time do you have?”
The reasons that bring people into the lifestyle are probably not the reasons that keep them there. Many people enter the lifestyle because they are curious or would like to play out their fantasies or see their partner do something while they watch. Those are not really the reasons people stay in the lifestyle. Once you know what is behind that door, if you are like most people, you don’t want to close it!
So why are we swingers? Let’s see… before we were in the lifestyle, our weekends were pretty predictable. Friday nights were usually met with the same “what do you want to do tonight” followed by the same question on Saturday night. It’s not that we didn’t have a social life, we did, and we had plenty of friends. However, how many weekends can you spend going out for dinner or a movie? Parties? Most parties were for birthdays or holidays, but not really more than that. When we did have these weekly dinners with friends what did we talk about? Almost every time we would talk about our children and perhaps work. Occasionally, something more exciting like a current event or the new nail girl somebody had found. Thrilling, right?
Enter, the lifestyle… What do we now do on weekends? Go to parties or swing clubs every single Friday and Saturday night. What do we talk about with our lifestyle friends? Sex! Well, not just sex, we talk about everything. Our conversations are open and honest about our lives and our relationships. Lifestyle friends allow us to speak openly about what we do both in our bedroom and in the backroom. With these friends we talk about new sex toys and tasty lubes. We talk about where we shop for our club clothes and stiletto heels. Often, we talk about what we did with our friends’ husbands and we laugh often! When we are with our lifestyle friends, we plan lifestyle vacations and outings. The more friends we meet while there, the better! We have sleepovers and weekday excursions whenever possible.
Why are we swingers? Because our lives have never been more fun or full! It is like being a teenager all over again but without all the drama! We dance and party until all hours of the night and whatever we do on any given night is over when we walk out the door. It becomes a fun memory to be rehashed over breakfast with our significant other the next morning. There is nothing quite like sharing a naughty secret with your significant other! The looks you give each other and the snickers between the two of you are priceless. You become partners in crime and it does wonders for a relationship.
The lifestyle is all about fun! So the next time someone discovers you are a swinger and they ask why, I would ask them “why not?!”