Success in the lifestyle, is it all about looks?

Friends wearing Partners ID jewelry

The hottest people are the most successful swingers, right?

Many people who are new (or not yet in) the lifestyle tend to believe that the most successful swingers are the most attractive ones. That might have worked in high school, but it does not translate to popularity in the swinger’s world.

It is normal to feel apprehensive entering an arena that is unfamiliar territory. Before entering the lifestyle, all someone can do is imagine what it will be like. Doing your homework may better prepare you for what to expect, but someone else’s perspective may not always be a view that you will share.

So if being a top model does not ensure success in the lifestyle, what qualities does it take?

Friendly people are usually the most successful in any social situation.  People are naturally attracted to others who are warm and attentive.  Greeting others with a smile and making them feel welcome will always make others appreciate you. Paying someone a compliment is always a plus as well. Listening to what they have to say and showing interest makes others feel valued.

Make it a point to remember names. When you return and greet someone by their name, they will take notice of you. If you can also remember something about them, that will make them feel special.

One of the most important things to be aware of in the lifestyle is what not to do!

There is a difference between being warm and being creepy. Standing too close and staying too long are both problems that will turn others off to your charms. It’s nice to greet people that you might have met in the past, but try to read their body language. Are they interested and happy to see you? Do they turn their attention away after a few minutes yet you linger and try to engage them in conversation?

It is always nice when someone pays a compliment but overdoing it can leave a negative impression as well. When a person is too eager, it makes them seem desperate.

Just because you are in a swing club (or similar venue) does not give you the right to touch people. A simple pat on the back or a friendly touch of the arm is ok but only do this one time. Constantly touching someone can be a huge turn-off and be seen as very creepy.

What about in the play area? Are there things that are right and wrong?

Everyone is different so this is always subjective. The best advice is to always try to read someone’s body language.

If you enter the play area hoping to play, the best thing to do is to take a moment and watch. If you see a couple that you think would be a good match, pay attention to what they are trying to convey to others.

If the couple is nestled in a cocoon, happily playing alone, chances are they are not looking for company. Best to leave them alone.

The couple is laying side by side watching others, chances are they are looking to play with others. Who do they watch? Couples that are similar to you? If yes, walk near them and see if they watch you. If they do, that’s a good sign! If they look past you, keep walking, they have shown they are not interested.

There is a group playing together and you would like to join. How should you approach them? You can always lightly touch someone and see the response. If they are interested, they will welcome you in. If they ignore you or look up and go back to playing, walk away.

You and your significant other are already on a mattress playing and a couple that attracts you settles in next to you. Should you touch? Again, pay attention to their body language. If you do touch, do they respond? If they are interested, they will turn to include you. If they look at you and do not respond, they are not interested.

These tips seem so obvious to most people but so often not to everyone! Lessening your chances of rejection are simply based upon paying attention to other’s body language.

There is no hard and fast formula for success or popularity in the lifestyle. Just like in life, people are attracted to all different kinds of things. One thing, though, is certain: people always respond to kindness.

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