We met a couple recently who told us that they find it very difficult to meet other people in the lifestyle. I was a bit surprised because I have seen them both in a very busy swing club and at several private parties. They are both attractive yet admittedly a bit reserved. She is friendly when approached but he comes across as aloof and disinterested.
The next time we saw them in a swing club I observed them. They came into the club and headed straight for the dining area. To begin with, they did not make eye contact with anyone as they walked. Rather than sitting at the long cafeteria-style table, they opted for a small, private table in the back. This, in my opinion, was a mistake. The long tables make it impossible to avoid meeting other people. You are seated next to and across from quite a few people and it makes it very easy to simply join in on conversations.
After dinner, the couple grabbed their wine glasses and sauntered around the club. The two bars were crowded with people laughing and having fun. Rather than attempting to join the crowds, they linked arms and moved past them. They eventually sat down on some stools which face the dance floor.
Early in the evenings, when the club is quiet, it is the perfect opportunity to mingle with other people. Sitting on a couch, where others will have to sit next to you, or across from you would be a better strategy. I noticed that they always chose to sit alone.
When the music picked up and people started to dance, they made their way to the dance floor. Many couples flirt and interact on the dance floor, but they did not. In contrast, they danced close to each other, never checking their surroundings to see if others were interested in mingling with them.
Later that night, we went outside to get some air and sat amongst a group of smokers on the benches. Honestly, we meet most people when we are outside because the music is quiet and we are sitting close together on the bench. This couple arrived outside, said hello to us, and moved away from the group to stand alone.
Do you see the pattern here? If I did not know them, I would say they are not interested in meeting other people. I believe that they act like they don’t want to be approached and so others see this and stay away.
Success in the lifestyle is up to you. People who are warm, friendly, and open to meeting others will meet people. Everyone who attends a swing club is looking to meet people. Even the cliques that hang together are open to meeting new, friendly faces.
Imagine if this couple tried a new approach. To begin with, when they enter the club, smile, and say hi to the people they walk past on their way to the dining area. Next, grab a plate and sit amongst the other people at the long table. Join in one of the conversations or compliment someone on their outfit or shoes. As they finish dinner, tell the couple sitting next to them, see you on the dance floor. Stop to get a drink at the busy bar. Smile as you say excuse me to get closer to order a drink. Introduce yourself to someone at the bar and ask them a question about anything. Show interest in getting to meet them.
Whatever happens, even if you don’t have luck at that bar, find a place to sit where there is another couple. Take a seat and start a conversation. Smile, show some interest in what they have to say.
Next, when you hit the dance floor, don’t dance closed up to the people around you. Smile at others and feel free to lightly touch people on the back to let them know you are there.
Then, when you go outside, sit on the bench with the group. Ask them to make room for you and join their conversation. When you find a couple that is friendly and you have some interest in them, tell them you’ll see them in the back room. You never know! Maybe they will join you!
Without putting yourself out, meeting others can be difficult. While nobody likes rejection, a couple who seems disinterested is unlikely to be approached by others. Above all, smile, be warm and friendly and show some interest in others. This approach is guaranteed to help you to meet others in the lifestyle.
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